have great weekend and a good night. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!” tonight -- lin-manuel miranda, brian cox, and music from sebastian yatra. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. thank you. very nice. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in hollywood on what is known around the world, it's pi day today, 3-14. pi day. the number, not the dessert. you'll find this interesting, guillermo. albert einstein was born on pi

day, and stephen hawking died on pi day. what are the odds of that? i guess we'll never know because the two smartest people are now dead. [ laughter ] today also happens to be the first time in over two years where our full staff is back to work at the office. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know, since for two years, at least half our staff has been working from home. and i have to say, it's nice to have meetings where i don't have to keep going, "ken! you're on mute! ken! there's always a ken, you know. [ laughter ] here's another sign that things are getting back to normal-ish. over the weekend here in l.a., we had a police chase. this is one of the best/worst police chases of all time. >> you can see it right there, the suspect trying to getting into somebody's property or still trying to hide, but doing a very, very poor job of it right there. lapd coming to a stop. come on, guys, he is right there. the officers running right by him. they're going right by him. i'm sorry, angie, our pilot

today talking on 02, trying to tell the officers that the suspect is right there. and, again, you just saw that. oh my goodness, i just feel so bad for those officers making their way back now. it's the blue car. there we go. somebody is getting the information. somebody's got to be getting the information. keep coming around, ang, keep coming around, keep coming around. that suspect, unbelievable. there you go. we're watching this live. some of those officers must be getting that information. there you go. there you go. now that suspect going into custody. wow, wow. they haven't seen him yet. this is unbelievable. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: incredible. we kept yelling "marco.” he wouldn't yell "polo.” that's unfair. [ laughter ] can you imagine how many times the guys back at the station watched that video, laughing? [ laughter ] we may be getting another booster soon. the ceo of pfizer says that in order to stave off a new wave of covid, everyone will need a fourth dose. our vaccine cards are going to be longer than receipts at cvs.

[ laughter ] there is a huge covid outbreak in china right now. and back here, barack obama has covid. former president obama revealed yesterday he has contracted covid-19, so if anyone was wondering if we can still get it, the answer is yes we can. [ laughter ] obama wrote, "i just tested positive for covid. i've had a scratchy throat for a couple days. feeling fine otherwise. michelle and i are grateful to be vaccinated and boosted, and she has tested negative. it's a reminder to get vaccinated if you haven't already, even as cases go down”" how long before trump starts bragging he caught covid first? [ laughter ] mar-a-lardo has been making the rounds. he was on a podcast hosted by a -- this is really something, a small group of youtubers known as the nelk boys. these guys, think show up at mar-a-lago in sweatshirts and shorts, logos all over their clothes. and trump sits down for an hour with them during a war to answer the dopiest questions. one of the great things about trump is it doesn't matter who is interviewing him. it could be george stephanopoulos, or three doofuses who brought a 12-pack of hard seltzer along. [ laughter ]

he's going to answer the same way. they had one good question which trump never answered, he danced around. that was "would you impose a no-fly zone around ukraine?” but he did take time to wax poetic about his prowess as a deejay. >> you know, all of our lives we take tests and aptitude tests and all this. i've always had a high aptitude for music, but i love great music. >> so do you actually spin? >> no, i don't spin, but i pick. i pick the ones i like. i don't want to spin. i want to pick the ones i like. >> what's your go-to banger? >> well, you know, i have a lot of them. you know what gets them rocking? >> what? >> "ymca.” the gay national anthem. they call it the gay national anthem. >> what's the best song to transition to, ymca to what? maybe mo bamba? >> maybe "hold on, i'm coming.” [ laughter ] >> that's when melania just runs out of the room. [ cheers and applause ] i feel like he only knows three or four songs. he knows three songs, "hold on,

i'm coming," "ymca," and "mo bamba.” whatever that is, i don't know. [ laughter ] trump's buddy vladimir putin is doing whatever he can to prevent russian citizens from knowing the truth about what he's up to in ukraine. early this month, russia banned facebook, and now they've banned instagram reportedly because users are allowed to post anti-war messages. and he doesn't want that. he's also getting creative from a propaganda standpoint. the kremlin is now spreading rumors that the u.s. has trained an army of birds to carry ukrainian weapons, biological weapons carried by birds into russia. which, listen, the only deadly bird we've ever developed in this country is this one, and we've -- we're primarily using it on ourselves. so don't worry. [ laughter ] a lot of businesses are severing ties with russia. including starbucks, kfc, coca-cola, and even mcdonald's. russians are going to be so healthy when this is done. [ laughter ] apparently they're especially upset about losing mcdonald's. there were 850 mcdonald's

franchise is in russia. now they're all closed. the only way you can get mcdonald's now is on the black market. for real, a big mac, which usually sells for about a dollar there, is selling for $36 per big mac. there is a self-described mcdonald's superfan who has chained himself to the doors of a mcdonald's in moscow in protest. and before i share the picture, i want you to imagine what a russian mcdonald's superfan might look like, and then see if you can match -- oh, wait, yeah, that's him. [ laughter ] that's exactly what i had in my head too. looks like we have more in common with the russians than we knew. [ laughter ] seats are filling up for the next jeff bezos pocket rocket launch. and you know who's going up? pete davidson. pete davidson will take a blue origin flight into space next week. amazing. did kanye really cyberbully pete davidson off the earth? [ laughter and applause ] actually, the reason he's doing

this, pete is, in order to understand kanye better, he's visiting his home planet. [ laughter ] i guess now we know there's no drug test to go into space. tonight here on abc, part one of the two-part finale of what might actually be the most dramatic "bachelor" ending ever. it was a pretty boring season, right up until the end. clayton, the bachelor, who is not -- let's just say he will not be a threat on "celebrity jeopardy" anytime soon. clayton decided it would be a good idea to finish the show by telling all three remaining women he loves them and having sex with them. that plan worked when it came to rachel and gabby, but susie, who by the way my wife picked to win the season, if you can call it winning, told clayton that if he was intimate with other women or told them that he loved them, she wanted to know. because she was going to leave. and of course, he was and he did, so susie went home even though clayton said he loved her "the most.” he's got the other two he also loves. then at the rose ceremony tonight, he had to explain to

the other two why susie left and all hell broke loose. so clayton went home to his family. and even his parents weren't exactly on his side. >> susie told me that if you have told any other woman here that you're falling in love with them, or if you've been intimate with any other woman, i cannot move forward with you. >> makes sense. >> and i told her, i told both the other women that i'm in love with them, and i was intimate with both of them. and she said, i can't continue with you when you've done all this. >> it's understandable. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: where was this advice when he signed up for this? his father and mother are looking at him like where the hell -- where did we go wrong? and clayton seems to be totally unaware of how ridiculous he sounds. >> i wish i never would have fallen in love with three women. i knew my heart didn't want to do it, but i allowed my mind to go there.

>> jimmy: let's not blame your heart and your mind. it was a different body part that got you into this fix, clayton. [ laughter and applause ] clayton then became so confused by the idea that you can't just tell three women you love them on television and get away with it. that he had no choice but to turn to a higher power for help. >> i'm hurt right now, bad. i'm just so messed up at this point, and i just don't know what's going to happen. i want to believe love is here, but it's all up in the air at this point. i want to believe it, but i don't know. i need somebody to help me. because i'm so broken. >> guillermo: hey, get it together, dude. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo, i'm glad you could be there for clayton in his time of need. >> guillermo: always. >> jimmy: speaking of handsome

devils, yesterday, quarterback tom brady woke up, noticed daylight saving time, and thought, "what should i do with this extra hour of sunlight? i know, i'll play a 23rd season of football!" brady yesterday announced he will return to play for the tampa bay buccaneers. 41 days after retiring. tom brady is like your friend who announces she's quitting instagram and then posts something three hours later.ugh] i guess he realized that if he retired, there wouldn't be anybody around to make sure gronk doesn't eat a gallon of tide pods. [ laughter ] a month ago, tom brady said his plan was to spend more time with his family. he has three kids. you know, lin-manuel miranda is here tonight, and i have to tell you -- [ cheers and applause ] i have a theory. i think the reason i have a feeling and the reason tom brady wanted out of the house was because of the "encanto" soundtrack. [ laughter ] the news of tom's un-retirement came one day after a memorabilia collector paid more than half a million dollars for the ball that he used on his last career touchdown pass, which is

hilariously bad timing. [ laughter ] but for more on this major football news, we go all the way to seekonk, massachusetts, where tom's number one fan and namesake is standing by, 2-year-old tommy brady fitzpatrick, the cutest kid in all of massachusetts, who i'm sure is very happy today. [ applause ] hello, little tommy. how you doing? >> oh, geez, not now, ya dink. can't you see i'm eatin' suppah? >> jimmy: i'm sorry to interrupt. what are you eating there? what is that? >> it's called "goat-meal," developed by number 12 himself. tom [ bleep ] brady! >> jimmy: what's in it? >> oh, it's wicked healthy. it's greek yogurt, protein powdah, non-fat granolerr, bbq corn nuts, half a grindah from kelly's roast beef, and some chopped up bark from an expired christmas tree. for roughage. >> jimmy: does it taste good? is it good? >> honestly, it kind of tastes like arnold schwarzenegger took a dump. >> jimmy: oh.

>> however, i have nevah felt youngah. i swear i feel like i'm 18 months old again! >> jimmy: you do look good. >> woah! keep it in your pants, ya diapah diddlah! >> jimmy: i wanted to know if you heard the news about tom brady coming out of retirement. >> yeah, no joi. of course i heard. and of course he un-retired. don't you read your scriptchah, you holly-weirdo heathen? >> jimmy: you're saying tom brady un-retiring was foreseen in the bible? >> of course i am! revelation chapter 20, verse 1, "and the goat shall suffer, and on the fourth fortnight, he shall rise from the dead, in dazzling apparel, with many rings upon his fingers, and his mighty chin shall be cleft in

twain." in twain, i say! >> jimmy: you know, you got the book upside down there. >> i can't read. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> "bringing great joy and tidings to all those who worship him, he shall be seated at the right hand of providence.” >> jimmy: now, i don't think that's -- >> it is in the book. i'm almost reading it! "the right hand of providence." jimmy. and what's to the right of providence? you guessed it, [ bleep ] seekonk, massachusetts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's providence, rhode island. >> yeah, yeah, and he's coming heah to save us all from the end times. he's back to save everyone from tampa bay to buzzards bay. from rehoboth, massachusetts to rutland, vermont. from holderness, new hampshire to bar harbor, maine! >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> he shall separate the wheat from the chaff, and all ye sinners shall he tear asunder. that means you, kimball. you sinner! your days are numbered! >> jimmy: all right.

now, let's have a moment of silent prayer for luis. >> jimmy: who's luis? >> who-who-who's luis? from "sesame street," you godless dingleberry. he passed away over the weekend. show some respect. >> jimmy: i'm so sorry. don't cry, tommy. your arms are coming out of their sockets. come on now. don't cry, please. >> that prayer, jimmy, was brought to you by the letters f and u, ya soft bag of puppy turds. come over here and fight me already. i will end you! you are mine! >> jimmy: thank you, tommy. and congratulations on tom brady coming back. >> go blow it out ya b-hole. >> jimmy: we've got a good show for you tonight. brian cox is here. we have music from sebastian yatra. and we'll be right back with lin-manuel miranda.

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would break the promise between us. it's bad for tribes and all californians. join us. protect the promise. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight from "succession" on hbo, brian cox is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, with his oscar-nominated song, "dos oruguitas" from "encanto," sebastian yatra on the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, kristen stewart and jake johnson, with music from tinashe. so please join us for that. our first guest is an emmy, grammy, tony, and pulitzer prize-winning songwriting ball of fire. next, he's nominated for an oscar for best original song for his work in the movie "encanto”" ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ >> jimmy: please say hello to lin-manuel miranda. [ cheering and applause ] is that for our keyboard player or cleto? >> yes, it is. >> jimmy: jeff babko has worked with you many times. >> he's played all the keys and played on the "encanto" soundtrack. it's all his fault. it's all his fault. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: direct your earwigs towards him. congratulations on the oscar nomination. >> thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i went through the list a second ago. i think that's the only one you haven't checked off yet.

you must want that so badly. you would kill for that, correct? >> i really -- again, it's like -- it's like stats, you know. rafa nadal broke the record for the most opens, but he wasn't thinking about breaking the record. he was like there is a ball coming at me very fast, and i have to hit the ball back. that's what i feel like, somebody is throwing a ball at me very fast. >> jimmy: do you ever worry you're going have too many accolades when you're young and then there is nothing to look forward to? >> every day of my life. >> jimmy: so that will be fun. >> that will be fun. i look forward to regret. >> jimmy: you're bringing your family to the oscars this time around? >> yes. i'm bringing my wife and my parents will just get in. >> jimmy: they will get in? >> puerto rican families, they're just going to find a way in. they'll be there. i don't know how, but they'll be there. >> jimmy: so last time you were at the oscars was 2017, and i was hosting the show. >> i was with your parents. >> jimmy: my parents. >> your parents and brother were on my aisle.

it went sideways. i don't know if you remember. >> jimmy: i have a great picture i'd like to show. i don't know if you've seen this. now what lin-manuel is referring to at the end. >> yeah, the "moonlight," "la la land" madness. >> one of them was announced as the winner. i don't remember which one won anymore. "moonlight" actually won. >> they announced "la la land," no one knew what was happening, it was all playing out in realtime. i remember turning to my mom and saying mom, fix your face. there is cameras on us and crazy things are happening on stage. >> jimmy: right, right. now let's look at the still photograph. this is the moment when everybody kind of figured out what was going on. so zoom in to meryl streep there. >> i heard she was nominated for an oscar for her performance in this. >> jimmy: then you have ben affleck there. it looks like he stepped on a lego in bare feet.

then you got matt damon, he only thinks about himself. so he is laughing. and let's slide over to the side there. dwayne johnson is laughing. >> he's in full "you're welcome" mode. >> jimmy: that's right. finally, the person who seems to be suffering the most is you. >> i felt so badly. i thought my mom -- you can see a sliver of my mom's face right next to me. >> jimmy: and circle my dad, that's my dad's bored face. >> i was feeling a lot of pain. that was way worse. >> jimmy: so they are coming this time? >> yeah, they'll be there. >> jimmy: that will be fun. how does that work? do you go listen, i just have to bring them, that's it? >> and they go well, it's covid. there is going to be a lot less people. i understand that, but it's still happening. my dad, my parents worked a lot. so they weren't around a lot when i was going to school and coming home from school. but they never missed a play. and i remember my freshman year in college, i got cast as jesus in "jesus christ superstar.” >> jimmy: it's a good role.

>> yeah. [ laughter ] the titular role. and my dad rented a bus to bring 40 puerto ricans up from washington heights to middletown, connecticut. >> jimmy: were they people he knew or did he find random puerto ricans? [ laughter ] >> yeah, get in the bus! avansa. it was a bunch of friends and family. there was a snowstorm and they were late. i was mortified because they were holding the curtain for the miranda bus. it's an 80-seat theater. so it's half the audience is the miranda bus. and it was very mortifying for young jesus. >> jimmy: i'm sure you forgave them. >> i did. it really messed my mom up. she did rosary for a month after seeing her son crucified. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> even though it's in song, it really messed her up. >> jimmy: seeing your son crucified. >> it's not great.

>> jimmy: one of the things you don't want to see as parent. speaking of being a parent, i want to take a break here, because i want to talk about this song that has really seeped into every pore of every iota of my home and my body and my ears and my brain and everything like that. we're going to come back. lin-manuel miranda is with us. he is nominated for an oscar for "encanto.” we'll be right back. (man 1) oh, this looks like we're in a screen saver. (man 2) yeah, but we need to go higher. (man 1) higher. (man 2) definitely higher. (man 1) we're like yodeling high. [yodeling] yo-de-le-he... (man 2) hey, no. uh-uh, don't do that. (man 1) we should go even higher! (man 2) yeah, let's do it. (both) woah! (man 2) i'm good. (man 1) me, too. (man 2) mm-hm. (vo) adventure has a new look. (man 1) let's go lower. (man 2) lower, that sounds good. (vo) discover more in the all-new subaru outback wilderness. love. it's what makes subaru, subaru. ♪ ♪

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>> jimmy: brian cox is on the way. we're back with lin-manuel miranda, who's nominated as you saw for "encanto," your movie has how many nominations? >> "tick tick boom" won for our editors, myron and andy and won for the great andrew garfield. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: first of all, you. you directed this movie. you did a great job. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: i really enjoyed the movie, and i did not know the story. what an absolutely incredible story, and what a good singer spider-man is. >> spider-man can sing. he is really fantastic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you test him out beforehand? >> no.

i just kind of think andrew garfield can do anything, and he proved me right. [ cheers ] i really didn't know. i'd seen him in theater. like i'd seen him on stage, and he was in a play "angels in america" that is six hours long. i knew he had incredible endurance and he was a wonderful actor. >> jimmy: that's a crazy leap of faith. >> i think so. it's a spider-man leap of faith. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you love spider-man? >> i was one of the last folks to see it because i was so busy with "encanto" and "tick, tick...boom!" and my birthday is in january. so i had a spider-man birthday party like a little kid. [ laughter ] i rented a theater and all my friends and i watched jonathan larsson as spider-man. it was great. >> jimmy: you didn't make andrew dress up and come to it? >> he wouldn't come. >> jimmy: did he lie to you about spider? he lied to everyone. >> the euphemism became "my friend in atlanta." "i'm going to visit my friend in atlanta after this." >> jimmy: interesting. >> and it was funny. once i was talking to him, and i was talking willem dafoe.

i had seen him in another movie. he is great. he goes, "oh, yeah, he's great, have you met him?" and i go," no, have you met him?" he goes, "well, i was visiting my friend in atlanta and he was there." >> jimmy: it's like his girlfriend in canada kind of thing. >> exactly. >> jimmy: so we don't talk about bruno is what was it, five weeks number one, first disney number one hit in 30 years or something like that? >> yeah, still number one, crazy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you -- this is played, and i know you hear this all the time, but all the time at my house, and not just the kids. my wife is in the car listening to it. she wakes up in the night thinking about it. yes. and it's great. but enough already. [ laughter ] >> i knew -- i knew the other shoe was going to sort of drop. and everyone is going to go, i love this. enough already. >> jimmy: like you, i have a 4 and 7-year-old. >> yeah. >> jimmy: the 4-year-old, my son billy, yesterday, i swear to god this is a true story. >> okay. >> jimmy: he uses the word butthole, and i don't like it.

>> sure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i said billy, we don't use that word. and he goes -- ♪ we don't talk about butt hole-oh-oh ♪ >> right now the remix is being made online of you singing that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and we tried to not laugh, but we laughed and he now thinks it's okay to say that. >> oh, man. >> jimmy: you didn't know this was going to be the song that went crazy. >> no. because group numbers never are the hit, you know. you can't sing -- >> jimmy: is that right? >> no. >> jimmy: it's the ballad, usually? >> the ballad or the villain song. it's always something else. but the group number is the thing the theater kids like and no one else likes because they get to sing it at their cast party. >> jimmy: interesting. >> and now we have this group karaoke number. my son says, daddy, they sing it on the bus and everyone sings different parts. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. and he's like, i'm one of

several caminos on the bus. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is he proud that you wrote the song? >> yes. i know i'm peaking now. i know i will not be cool very soon to my children. so i'm enjoying this moment. >> jimmy: well, you know, maybe write a marvel musical or something. have you ever thought about that? >> well, they did a spider-man musical. it went sideways. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, that's right. they did. >> google that. [ laughter ] i can't go into it. but google that. >> jimmy: well, we have -- many families across america, the song "we don't talk about bruno" has become a problem, and fortunately help is on the way. >> are you one of millions of americans who can't get enough of "encanto"? do you have an uncontrollable urge to sing and dance to its irresistibly catchy songs? ♪ we don't talk about bruno, no, no, no, no ♪ >> i'm lin-manuel miranda. have the songs of "encanto" brought you toe a joy-filled yet grinding halt? now there is hope. encantix, the only medication clinically proven to curb your cravings for the "ean

listening to "bruno" 200, 300 times a day. with encantix, we've gotten it down to a solid 125. ♪ we don't talk about bruno, no, no, no ♪ >> thanks, encantix. >> encantix is a first of its kind pill that doesn't go in your mouth. insert one into each ear. and the sonic delights of national treasure, lin-manuel miranda, that's me. >> now i can spend less time singing and more time drinking. i work. >> friends, encantos, take and call me in the morning. >> encantix is not intended to curb hamilton, moana or any other disney movie. call your doctor if you can't stop talking about bruney for more than four hours. and it may cause explosive jazz hands. encantix, from the makers of frozac. [ applause ] >> jimmy: lin-manuel miranda, everybody.

good luck at the oscars. thank you for being here. we'll be right back. oh, "encanto" is on blu-ray, digitnal, disney plus. "tick, tick...boom!" on netflix. we'll be back with brian cox. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪a little bit of chicken fried♪

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>> lou: it's time to play spot the mildred. which one of these people is named mildred? take your time.

make an educated guess. that's mildred! >> it's me. i'm mildred. my name means gentle strength, and i was named after my grandmother. nice to meet you. >> lou: nice to meet you, mildred. now dance! ♪ (toddler laughs) ♪ (train whizzes by) ♪ (toddler babbling) ♪ (buzzing sound) ♪ (dog barks) ♪ (wine glasses clink) ♪ (typing) ♪ (toddler babbling) (typing) ♪ ♪ finished? of course not. you're no crispy, juicy, tender rookie. you know that pouring the mcdonald's crispy chicken sandwich crumbs into your mouth, is the only way to say your final goodbye.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. we have music from sebastian yatra on the way. our next guest is one of, if not, the best actors on television. he plays the poisonous patriarch loganroy on "succession.” watch all three seasons on hbo max now. please welcome brian cox. [ cheering and applause ] ♪ you look great. i like this. a man has to have a great deal of confidence to dress this way. >> well, you get to a certain age and you just say [ bleep ] it.

[ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and it looks good. >> i don't care anymore. so i wear what i want to wear and that's the way it is. >> jimmy: i like it. i like it. i know you're here because of the award shows. >> yeah. we've been doing so many of them, you get dizzy after awhile. >> jimmy: do you like them? >> yes, i do because you get a chance to meet people. one of the things in our profession, we work together, but we never see one another. my particular favorite is the afi dinner. with the afi lunch, it's a very relaxed affair and you get to meet all your colleagues for many, many years. >> jimmy: who did you run into that you were very excited to run into? >> well, morgan freeman. >> jimmy: oh. [ cheers ] pretty good one. >> great respect for. >> jimmy: god himself. >> he is god. in fact, he did a program called "god.” it's a documentary thing. >> jimmy: yes. >> but he had forgotten he did the documentary because he kept saying yeah, i did "bruce almighty.” no, not that god, the other god.

oh, i'm with you now. >> jimmy: yes, he did do that. he was here talking about that when it came out. it's great to see you. last night you were nominated at the critic's choice award, nominated for best actor. the actor from "squid game" won. do you think jeremy should withdraw his name from consideration so as not to split votes in deference to you? go ahead. >> well, yes, he should. [ laughter ] no. not at all. >> jimmy: do you remember the first award show you ever went to? >> yeah, the first award show i ever went to was a disaster. i mean, i won actually, funny enough. but it was before that. because i was told i had to pick up an award for glenda jackson. so one of these minions came to me and said, brian cox? now you're going to accept the award for glenda jackson because she can't be here. i said, oh, i didn't know about this, because i'm here. we know you're here in another capacity. you have to accept the award for glenda jackson.

are you okay with that? sure, sure, glenda jackson, fine. so i'm sitting there and waiting. and suddenly they announce the nominees. and glenda's name comes up. oh, glenda has won. so i thought, okay, glenda. so i get up. "and the winner is vanessa redgrave." and i'm standing, walking in front of vanessa redgrave. and i look back, "i'm so sorry, vanessa, i thought it was glenda that was going to win, i'm really sorry." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i like that you take your job seriously. you are given a mission, accept the award for glenda, whether she wins or not. >> it's kind of hysterical. but then the thing was the award came up for me, you know. and i won. but i was so terrified, i was just sitting like this. i don't know if i want to get up. and the lady keep nudging me, you won, you won, get up. but they may have made a mistake. >> jimmy: you wrote about a

lot -- one of the truly honest and interesting celebrity autobiographies. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and you got a lot of attention. >> it's on amazon, by the way. you can buy it quite easily. >> jimmy: it's on amazon. it's called "putting the rabbit in the hat.” [ applause ] you talked about johnny depp in this book. >> careful. >> jimmy: did you hear from johnny? >> no. i heard a lot from his -- they call it a fan club. but i think it's some kind of cia agency that works on his behalf and they weren't too happy. i'd written an addendum to this book. >> jimmy: oh, you have? >> if we ever get to paperback, it's going to be published in the uk in paperback. i wanted -- i thought i was being a bit harsh. you know what it's like. you go for the easy joke. and i went for the easy joke. >> jimmy: boy do i know. [ laughter ] >> well, you live that way. >> jimmy: right. >> so that is what happened. and i sort of regretted it. >> jimmy: did you really?

>> because i'm not like that normally. but i was just being a bit glib, a bit flip. and i was a little flip. >> jimmy: were you misquoted? >> no, no, they didn't misquote me. >> jimmy: in your own book. i guess you can't. i wonder -- i was thinking about it, though, because i think the gist of it was you said johnny depp was overrated. i wonder if most actors think of themselves as overrated or underrated? >> i think you do. i think a lot of times they think they're overrated. sometimes underrated. >> jimmy: i think most of them think they're underrated. >> probably. let's put it this way. most of them think they're not rated at all. >> jimmy: i see. okay. all right. you put an index in the book, which is nice. actually, i was looking at it during the commercial break, because then you can look for anybody you want to see your thoughts on or your stories about. i'm not in here, by the way. [ laughter ] maybe the paperback. maybe you and i should do something crazy together so i get in the paperback. >> it's funny about indexes,

because i think you and i have one thing in common. we look at indexes to see if our name is there. >> jimmy: of course. >> and then we get well pissed off that our name isn't there. >> jimmy: i think they should put it in the front of the book. i don't know why it's at the back. i don't know if you knew, i grew up in las vegas and i was interested to learn you got married in las vegas. >> i did indeed. >> jimmy: i could imagine you getting married in a cliff in a church that's 8,000 years old. >> we got married at the little white chapel. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> my wife and i have been married now 20 odd years. oh, by the way, hi, honey. [ cheers and applause ] and the boys. have i two boys. i have two boys. anyway, so we were in austin, and i was making a film with dennis quaid, actually. and she had been in india. and she came back. and we were discussing whether we were going to separate. and then we decided, oh, we should get married. [ laughter ] you know how these discussions go. let's separate and then we thought no, let's get married. [ laughter ]

so we thought where do we go and get married? and then we realized they marry people in las vegas quite quickly. and she wanted an elvis wedding, and i said absolutely not. i am not going to be married by an elvis impersonator. over my dead body. and she said okay. that's fine. so we read about this white chapel. so we went to the little white chapel. and the lady was so nice. and her mother played the piano. but her mother played when we walked down the aisle, her mother played the theme from "braveheart.” [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: a nod to you and your roots. >> she didn't even know i was in the film "braveheart.” >> jimmy: or how the movie ended, i guess, yeah. >> exactly. >> jimmy: i told you before, you are just unbelievably great as loganroy. in "succession." [ cheers and applause ] and so believable that it's even weird to tell you. and now the show is so popular

on hbo. and you, your character, you yourself are so popular on hbo, that you have joined the cast of another very popular hbo show. we have an exclusive clip of that here for you tonight. >> are you in the play? >> what play? >> "oklahoma." >> oh my god. do i look like i'm in "oklahoma"? >> yes. if you're not auditions for oklahoma, then why do you look like that? >> like what? >> like a country music star? >> in a good way or bad way. >> bitch, you better be joking. >> are you okay with this? >> no! yes. [ bleep ]. i'm in love with nate jacobs, and he is in love with me. don't you [ bleep ] give me that look! you were broken up three days before we even had sex. so i didn't betray you. plus you guys are terrible for each other, and you know, you know i'm right. and you guys, you can all judge me if you want. but i do not care. i have never, ever, ever, ever been happier.

>> but she didn't say that. in fact it was much weirder. >> don't [ bleep ] with me, maddie. i'm one crazy ass bitch. [ applause ] >> sometimes it is a big [ bleep ] deal. >> all seasons of "succession" and "euphoria" are on hbo max. the great brian cox, everybody. thank you, brian. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with music from sebastian yatra. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.

okay care coalition, alaska airlines is still frontrunner for most caring airline. funshine bear, you did some of your own research, right? i sure did. ♪ according to the web, their program's number one, ♪ ♪ earning alaska miles is quicker and more fun! ♪ cute! ooh, that was wonderful, sweetie! oh, oh, oh, i have a song about their cheese plates. ♪ cheese please! cheese please! cheese please! cheese please! ♪ uh- it's time for lunch. aw... ♪ ♪ centuries ago, native californians thrived on this land. now, we share a destiny with all californians. when voters granted our sovereign nations exclusive gaming rights, it advanced self-sufficiency and created thousands of good jobs. but now, out of state corporations

are coming to california. their online sports betting initiative would break the promise between us. it's bad for tribes and all californians. join us. protect the promise. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to lin-manuel miranda and brian cox. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, kristen stewart and jake johnson, with music from tinashe. "nightline" is next, but first, from disney's "encanto," with the oscar-nominated song, "dos oruguitas," sebastian yatra! [ cheers and applause ]

♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ]

♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ]

♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] [ cheering and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, socialite scammer. she came, she captivated, and she conned new york's elite. >> prosecutors said your story was lie after lie after lie. >> of course they would say slide, that's their job to accuse me of more crimes. >> creating a richer persona by inventing "anna." >> anna is a masterpiece, bitches. >> the socialite scammer who claimed to be a german heiress, swindling new york's salviest and most powerful out of hundreds of thousands. now her high-end schemes have created high-end problems, facing deportation. her fight to stay in the u.s. with her dedated supporters trying to kee