tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 5, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
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us here, we appreciate your time. state tuned for jimmy kimmel, up lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- idris elba. lamorne morris. plus music from the regrettes, with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. very nice. i appreciate it. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on a day when millions and millions of co-workers in america quietly resent the winner of their march
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madness office pool. we forgot to even do one this year. which i think makes us all winners. we didn't lose 10 bucks. did you watch the game last night? >> guillermo: yes, it was a great game. >> jimmy: you enjoyed it? >> guillermo: yes, i did. >> jimmy: the kansas jayhawks came back being down 15 points at halftime, incredible comeback. at halftime, their coach, bill self gathered the team together and told them to look deep inside to summon every bit of confidence and strength to use all the tools that got them this far. "if you win, i'll get you all chuck e. cheese." and it worked sclaf [ laughter ] it was the biggest comeback in ncaa finals history. and the real winner was my wife molly, who, three weeks ago tonight, moments after correctly picking who would be the last woman standing on "the bachelor," made this stunning prediction. my wife molly at the beginning of the season predicts who she believes will get the final rose, and the one she picked was susie. my nostradamus, congratulations. thank you, molly.
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molly! who's going to win the ncaa tournament? we should make some money. >> kansas. >> all right. and sure enough, wisconsin won the ncaa tournament. i think it's time we moved back to las vegas. [ laughter ] in fairness, molly went to kansas, so she would have kicked them even if they were in the tournament, probably didn't know they were in the tournament. >> how dare you. >> jimmy: our kids were watching the game. our daughter jane, our son was running in front of the tv showing us his butt. [ laughter ] jane got really into it. she's doing the rock chalk thing, which is still nonsensical, i don't know. two minutes left in the game, she begs us to turn the television off. she said, "i really can't take it if they lose, please turn it off." [ laughter ] we had to sit her down, we told her, everybody loses. daddy lices every night, it's a part of life. [ laughter ] [ applause ] but the important thing is,
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do you think will win the nba finals this year? >> the 76ers, why not? >> jimmy: that's a reasonable bet, i'm going to bet on that. if you're wrong, we will sell all your shoes. >> okay. [ laughter ] deal. >> jimmy: the last time kansas won a tournament -- by the way, she works here, she doesn't just hang around. [ laughter ] wouldn't that be weird? yeah, no. okay. waiting for daddy to finish. [ laughter ] so the last time kansas won was 2008. which is the year obama was elected. and president obama returned to the white house today for the first time since he left office. that's really got to bother trump. all these lies and schemes and lawsuits to get back to the white house, obama just strolls right in there. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
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obama was there to celebrate the anniversary of the affordable care act and to set up his roku. [ laughter ] they managed to strike the right balance of affection and confusion. >> thank you. vice president biden -- vice president -- [ laughter ] that was a joke. [ cheers and applause ] that was all set up, yeah. >> jimmy: it was great to see him. it's like the "white men can't jump" reunion at the oscars. [ laughter ] at the end everyone gathered around obama, there was no one for joe. ♪ [ laughter ] ♪
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>> jimmy: is that not the saddest damn thing you've ever seen in your life? [ applause ] i mean, really. he was found two hours later wandering around the garden department at lowe's. [ laughter ] over the weekend, workers at amazon fulfillment center in staten island were able to successfully unionize. it's the first amazon union. [ cheers and applause ] the new president of the union said something funny. he said "we want to thank jeff bezos for going to space, because when he was up there, we were signing people up." [ laughter ] [ applause ] amazon has had a tumultuous relationship with their employees. there's a story that leaked that says amazon was working on an internal messaging app to boost morale. but internal company documents reveal that they planned to block words that could be inflammatory, like "union" and "plantation." the filter would prevent those words from being posted. it's funny. we thought big brother would look like this. but it turns out --
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he looks more like this. [ laughter ] heart-shaped glasses and all. of course, amazon is pushing back. they say this isn't true. but we were able to get the full list of banned words. guillermo actually hacked into their system. how did you do that, guillermo? >> guillermo: oh, my assistant, mike chaffee, helped. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your assistant. these are all words amazon will not allow. unions. strike. wages. restrooms. pee bottles. empty dasani. bladder infections. happiness. life outside of work. home. going home. i think i live at home, but can't remember. help. help us. penis rocket. overcompensating. dork. space dork. bald space dork. and "i want to have sex with alexa." [ laughter ] none of those. [ applause ] i don't know how alexa got caught up in that. lessa ceo elon musk today joined the board of directors at twitter. he bought a 9% stake in the company valued at almost $3 billion. gained a seat on the board. which is quite a flip when you consider the fact that in july of 2020, he tweeted "twitter
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sucks." [ laughter ] now he bought $2.9 billion worth of it. and now that he is on the board, some conservatives are calling on him to reinstate donald trump's twitter account. which is unnecessary because trump has his own super-successful media platform, truth social. truth social is to twitter, what a broken sega genesis is to tiktok. [ laughter ] even donald trump himself isn't using this social media. he posted on it one time and that was it. they launched it in february. you still can't get on it. one of the guys in my office signed up when it launched. he's still stuck at number 1,295,194 on the "waitlist." hasn't moved up one spot. trump raised a huge amount of money to launch this. it's basically an inactive aol message board right now. [ laughter ] devin nunes, remember that guy? he left congress to run this company. he can't even get it up. [ laughter ] and yes, i did get it.
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of course, one of the bigly reasons fiberace gets away with all this is because of the non-stop propaganda he gets from fox news. according to a new study from political scientists at stanford and yale, fox news viewers, who were paid to watch cnn seven hours a week for 30 days, actually changed their minds on a variety of issues, like covid, black lives matter, fox news itself, and even trump. they were also 40% less likely after watching for 30 days to buy one of those old people shower tubs. [ laughter ] terry bradshaw? that's interesting, isn't it? it's good news. all we have to do to get people to stop believing that nonsense is pay them to watch another channel. but they love their "fox news." lara trump, whose resume includes marrying eric trump, and ends right there -- [ laughter ] was on "hannity" again. why, i don't know. i guess to remind us that her father-in-law is right about everything. >> donald trump is right again. i'm still nod tired of saying that. every time, the things that he
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talks about, he is spot-on. >> jimmy: is it me or are her lips getting bigger? [ laughter ] meanwhile, the tan of la mancha was on another show no one has ever watched, to lash out at windmills. >> these climate extremists, they don't get and it they're destroying our country with the windmills next to every house. if you look at what wind is doing to our beautiful, once-beautiful fields, and our beautiful, healthy eagles and birds. what's happening to this country is shocking. just shocking. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there are windmills next to every house! that is shocking. think about that. this man, on his top five list of problems in this country, one of them, the one maybe he talks about the most, is windmills. this is like being angry at butter churns. [ laughter ] and i guess we're just used to it. i mentioned last night, donald trump endorsed sarah palin, who is now running for congress in alaska. and it reminded me of a story that haunts trump to this day. back in 2011, remember when he
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went to lunch with sarah palin and ate pizza with a knife and fork? well, if you don't, he does. so much so that he can't stop defending himself about it. >> a lot of people are asking about, why am i using plastic forks and knives that the pizza parlor gave? i don't walk around with forks and a knives. frankly, it was very comfortable. i don't know if sarah palin's running, i really like her a lot, i think she's a very good woman. we had the famous pizza incident where we had pizza and i was using a fork wide receiver. i was very impressed with mitt romney. as you know, the great pizza incident, i met with sarah palin. plus this is the way you can take the top of the pizza off, you're not just eating the crust. she came up to the apartment and we then went with our families to a pizza place. she said, let's have some pizza. between pizzagate and anthony weiner gate, i found anthony weiner gate to be a terrible situation. i like not to eat the crust. so that we keep the weight down
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at least as good as possible. but she's a terrific woman, we had a terrific time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we had as much fun as you can have eating pizza with a fork. [ applause ] nowadays, sarah palin seems downright quaint compared to monsters in the house of representatives like marjorie taylor greene. klan mom is especially upset with the three republican senators who have said they will vote "yes" on judge ketanji brown jackson's nomination to the supreme court. she tweeted, "murkowski, collins, and romney are pro-pedophile. they just voted for #kbj." wow. where is will smith when you need him? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] besides that being disgusting, this woman is good pals with matt gaetz, who is currently under investigation for trafficking minors for sex! it's scum and scummer. [ laughter ] manchry represents the 14th district of georgia where the state senate passed a bill that
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will limit discussions about race from kindergarten to 12th grade. the bill "would prohibit schools and local school systems from advocating divisive concepts." in other words, "don't talk about racism." and there won't be any, i guess. instead, there would be a focus on what lawmakers call "patriotic" education. the governor, brian kemp, will almost certainly sign this into law. and the georgia department of education has already started making new instructional videos to help history teachers comply. >> the georgia department of education presents -- "american history: white people edition." america was founded in 1776 when jesus washington landed on mount rushmore to declare, "i have a dream." these are the founding fathers. as you can see, they are all white. not "hamilton" at all. later, there was a civil war between two good sides.
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1862, president lincoln signs the emancipation proclamation, making america officially not racist. and lincoln was a republican. which means -- republicans love black people the most. go ahead and sit up front, rosa. you're welcome. 1964. lyndon johnson signs the civil rights act, making america officially totally not racist for real. 1980, the gipper makes america great. 2008, barack obama [ bleep ]s it up. 2016, trump makes it great again. but then brandon [ bleep ] the bed and everything sucks forever. >> the american dream is dead. >> and that's "american history: white people edition" brought to you by the georgia department of education, which reminds you, [ bleep ] teachers, eat peaches! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: eat your heart out, "schoolhouse rock." we have a good show for you
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♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ v♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello there, welcome back. from the show "woke" on hulu, lamorne morris is with us. [ cheers ] then later, a band from right here in los angeles, their album "further joy" comes out this friday. the regrettes from the mercedes eq stage. [ cheers and applause ] we have quite a show tomorrow night. tomorrow night, our guests will be the kardashian-jenner family in almost its entirety, and rob gronkowski.
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hopefully, my goal that is they will mate and produce an army of wild karkawskis or gronkashians, i don't know, something like that. wouldn't than the greatest? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it would be fantastic. >> jimmy: thank you. few actors boast a resume as impressive as that of our first guest. he's played everyone from nelson mandela to knuckles, the echidna in "sonic the hedgehog 2," opening friday in theaters. please say hello to idris elba. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> wow. >> jimmy: i like this, i like the shirt. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i like the whole thing. >> a little ray of sunshine for you, jimmy. >> jimmy: you look like a man who's having fun. >> i'm having fun. i'm having -- listen.
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the world has fallen off its axis a little bit and a little bit of sunshine doesn't hurt, you know? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you did something that i think is -- you know, when you get to do this stuff for a living, you get to be in situations that you never dreamed you might be in when you're a kid. i would imagine that for you, being part of the world cup draw this weekend was one of those scenarios. >> tell me about it. it was crazy. it was really a dream come true. wait, the world cup draw? i get to do that? [ laughter ] what if i get it wrong? >> jimmy: if you get it wrong, we got trouble, yeah. >> i didn't have to do the actual draw, i just had to present it. it was a lot of fun. >> jimmy: the draw is where they pick the groupings? >> yeah. >> jimmy: for the world cup itself. >> yes. >> jimmy: the u.s. and england are in the same group, which means they will play each other early on in the tournament. >> oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] which is sad for the u.s. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's really kind of
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great for us, because if we win, we go crazy. if we lose we're like, yeah, all right, we knew we were going to lose to england, of course. [ laughter ] this is something you would be heartbroken if england gets eliminated by the u.s. team. >> well, i lived here for a long time. england's home. so i'm going to be torn, of course. my mom's going, they're playing as well in ghana. if england don't win -- u.s., baby! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are your second choice, we'll take that. >> but if england, all eeg land all day. >> jimmy: the game is friday after thanksgiving. traditionally americans are camped outside a walmart waiting for a big screen tv. so we might not even be able to watch it unless we get the tv home in time. >> get the tv. >> jimmy: i went to a game -- what's your team? >> i'm an arsenal fan. >> jimmy: that's the game i went to. >> you're fans?
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>> jimmy: that's the only time i've been to a soccer game or football game out of the country was an arsenal game. i was in london. i said, wouldn't it be fun to go to one of these games? i'd never been to anything like that before. i had no idea what was going on, but it was so much fun. i bet on it before the game. >> who did you bet that? >> jimmy: i bet on arsenal, they were not favored, people were laughing to me. i'm like, i'm not going to go to the stadium and root for the other team. they won, i won money, everyone was singing songs i'd never heard, everybody was very happy. i think it was the last game of a very bad season. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, it was just so much fun. >> do you remember the name of the guy that was laughing? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, don't worry, i'll get you a list. >> hook me up. i'll talk to him a little. >> jimmy: you're that hardcore? >> yeah, i love football. i love the games, of course. so at the games were they singing songs? >> jimmy: yeah, songs, chanting, the whole thing. >> did you sing along? >> jimmy: i tried, i didn't know the words. you can catch up, it's pretty
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easy. what's your favorite of the songs?p>> the one i like the mo tiny little song, it's humiliating. you have this famous player come out and he'll either do like a free kick or miss or mess up. and all they start singing is -- ♪ who are you who are you who are you ♪ and it's like, you know who i am, my name's on the back. [ laughter ] you know who i am! >> jimmy: who's your favorite player of all-time? >> pele is my favorite. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, really, pele. >> i fell in love with pele at the world cup. i can't remember what world cup it was. he was playing, he was a dazzling player. >> jimmy: he played for the cosmos in new york when i was a kid. >> he did? >> jimmy: yeah, the cosmos, you didn't know that? >> i did not know that. >> jimmy: some fan you are. [ laughter ] >> the cot most, new york? anyone heard of that? [ cheers ] can i fact check this? >> jimmy: yeah, i i don i don't know, maybe i'll get killed by the internet.
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guillermo? >> ge. >> guillermo: yes, he played for cosmo. >> jimmy: see, you learned something about football from me, how about that. now who's in charge? >> you're in charge. >> jimmy: will you go to all the world cup games? >> i'm going to try to go to the game. ka qatar is beautiful. they've gone to town to invite everyone. it's going to be incredible to see. >> jimmy: have you ever gone into the locker room for arsenal or one of these teams and given them a pep talk of some kind? >>no. jimmy: you've not? is that not something that goes on? >> no. >> jimmy: here in the united states, like matthew mcconaughey's walking into random locker rooms. >> really? >> jimmy: firing teams up. no, he does that at the university of texas. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: and it works. >> it works? >> jimmy: it works. >> i can imagine. no, so arsenal's my team. for the first time in 100 years, i got arsenal to play in an all-white kit. they play in red.
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myself and adidas, i have an anti-knife crime organize in london called "don't stab your future." we have this campaign called "no more red." for the first time, they wore all white. they looked beautiful. >> jimmy: and you engineered this? >> i was part of the engineering to do it. me and a very famous player called ian wright, we helped do this. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, played for the cosmos, right? [ laughter ] >> so they come out, the crowd, they're watching. it was a terrible game. >> jimmy: it was bad? >> they lost. pass horrible, man. every time they messed up, they would cut to me. i'd b arrgghh! >> jimmy: you have to be careful. >> you have to be positive. >> jimmy: you have to be careful when you go to one of those games because the camera winds up on you. especially if you have a couple of beers or something like that. who the hell knows what you're going to do? >> then they know what i'm talking about, lip reading, big
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mouth. >> jimmy: i know that you've talked about this before that you deejayed the royal wedding. you were the deejay. did you get paid for that? >> no. >> jimmy: nothing? [ laughter ] >> no, but it was -- you know, it was my gift to my friends. >> jimmy: that was your gift, okay, all right. >> i can't afford anything. can i just deejay? yeah, okay. i'll play anything you want! >> jimmy: what do you get them, otherwise? what do you play? i know you've been doing this since you were a kid? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're close to 50 years old? is that correct? in that neighborhood? >> come on, jimmy. [ laughter ] yeah, no, i'm 49, thank you very much. i'm 52. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look fantastic. that's all that matters. so what i'm wondering, i was a deejay when i was a teenager. >> i heard this. >> jimmy: but i don't keep up with anything new. so i will go right into "celebration" by kool & the gang. [ laughter ] do you have that? >> they have made other records. >> jimmy: well, don't get me started on the kool and the gang clog. i had a whole thought process
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about this in the car over the weekend. they had some great songs. shouldn't they be in the rock and roll hall of fame? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: what's your favorite constitute and the gang song? >> "ladies' night." [ cheers and applause ] it's a great song. and you play it and ladies, they all come out. >> jimmy: and the feeling's right, what a night. yeah, that's a good one. i think we're on the same wavelength. >> we are. >> jimmy: >> jimmy: did you get the queen out on the dance floor with "ladies' night"? >> no, i didn't try either. >> jimmy: did you get cute and play music about by the band queen to get her out there? >> i did not. i played dr. dre. >> jimmy: really? censored? or all the words in there? >> full fat. >> jimmy: full dr. dre, no kidding around. >> mm! [ applause ] no, you know -- weddings are great. i haven't deejayed a wedding for a long time and that was fun. i was having a great time. >> jimmy: yeah, and rarely is the queen at any of them. we'll take a break. we'll see a clip from the new
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movie "sonic the hedgehog 2." idris elba is with us, we'll be right back! ♪ we could walk forever ♪ ( ♪ ) ♪ walking on ♪ ♪ walking on the moon ♪ ♪ some ♪ ♪ may say ♪ ♪ i'm wishing my days away ♪ ♪ no way ♪ ♪ walking on the moon ♪ to the people who reach into a carton of warm, crispy, golden, perfectly salted mcdonald's world famous fries, and return with just one.
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as the first hormonal based therapy. ibrance plus letrozole significantly delayed disease progression versus letrozole. ibrance may cause low white blood cell counts that may lead to serious infections. ibrance may cause severe inflammation of the lungs. both of these can lead to death. tell your doctor if you have new or worsening chest pain, cough, or trouble breathing. before taking ibrance, tell your doctor if you have fever, chills, or other signs of infection,... liver or kidney problems, are or plan to become pregnant, or are breastfeeding. for more information about side effects talk to your doctor. be in your moment. fantastic! ask your doctor about ibrance. large out-of-state corporations have set fantastic! their sights on california. they've written a ballot proposal to allow online sports betting. they tell us it will fund programs for the homeless, but read the fine print. 90% of the profits go to out-of-state corporations, leaving almost nothing for the homeless.
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meet knuckles. my new bffae. bestest friend for ever and ever! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, knuckles has gone bad. idris elba is with us, "sonic the hedgehog 2" opens friday in theaters. my son kevin, when he was little, "sonic the hedgehog" was all there was. sonic. this is how you know you're sexy. the internet, when the trailer for "sonic the hedgehog 2" came out, people thought that knuckles was sexy because your voice was attached to it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he is sexy. he's this high, he's got big hands. [ laughter ] that's sexy. >> jimmy: you were, of course -- "people" magazine's sexiest man alive a few years back. [ cheers and applause ]
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never really relinquish an honor like that. >> no, thank you, it stays with me. [ laughter ] ? i wonder if it's possible to make you unsexy. would you be willing to be part of an expert, an idea that i have? [ cheers and applause ] >> you could try. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. bring in the unsexy crew, come on in! >> okay, all right, come on. you'll never take me down! >> jimmy: now this -- >> i'll be sexy forever! >> jimmy: we have taken -- we've gone to great lengths to make you as unsexy as possible, idris. >> you can try! >> jimmy: we got a wig for you, we've got clothes for you. we are doing everything in our power -- >> go on! >> jimmy: -- to squeeze the sexy out of your body and your head. >> i'm still sexy, baby! >> jimmy: this team has been training for months just for this very moment. i don't know why you're being sprayed but you are.
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[ laughter ] >> i don't know. >> jimmy: and now -- >> okay. >> jimmy: their work is done. >> okay. >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen -- "people's" unsexiest man for 2022. [ cheers and applause ] idris elba! wow. >> come on, baby! [ cheers and applause ] come on! >> jimmy: you're still a little bit sexy. one thing wes have to work on what you say. because part of being not sexy is -- we've written down some lines. bring in the lines here. >> okay. >> jimmy: in your least-sexy voice, idris, read the following. >> okay. hi, i'm idris elba! has anyone seen my neti pot? [ laughter ] no cheese for me, i'm lactose
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intolerant. [ gas sounds ] excuse me, sorry about that. anyone want an egg salad sandwich? my mom put in extra raisins. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you know what i think we did it. >> ladies. am i still sexy or what? [ cheers and applause ] >> what's wrong with his look? texas, you look phenomenal. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. you look good, you look good. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: "sonic the hedgehog 2" opens in theaters friday. idris elba, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with lamorne morris. ♪ (jazz music) ♪
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guest from "new girl." now he stars as cartoonist keef knight alongside a talking marker that sounds like j.b. smoove in "woke." season two premieres friday on hulu. please welcome lamorne morris. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you. >> i feel great. >> jimmy: glad to hear it. did you meet idris elba? >> did i meet idris elba? sure, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did? >> i've met him before, know what i mean? not impressed. [ laughter ] not impressed, know what i mean? him and i, we're pretty much agree, i'm sure you can agree. [ laughter ] he has that accent so everybody goes crazy. >> jimmy: he does have the sexy accent, yeah. >> he came out here with sunglasses, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he did. >> his shirt was open. this is idris, come on. this is ridiculous. [ cheers ]
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[ cheers and applause ] look at all that! selling sex. if i had that accent, we'd be going out nor the same stuff, you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: do you do an idris? [ in english accent ] >> i don't know, i don't know. who are you? [ laughter and applause ] every day is sunshine! >> jimmy: i asked because you did a great -- [ cheers and applause ] the last time you were here, you did an imitation of denzel washington that was delightful, yeah. did you -- i assume you saw the oscars. can you -- hey, what was denzel saying to will smith off stage, in your imagination? go ahead. >> in my imagination?
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"will. will. big willie, come here. come here, let me talk to you for a second, huh? earlier today i was looking in my book of quotes. and i want to partake something on you. always wipe from front to back, remember that. sorry, sorry, sorry. hey, hey, yeah, yeah -- you're at your highest point, man. that's when the devil comes alive knocking." [ cheers and applause ] don't let the devil in, huh? >> jimmy: that's good. i know you're from chicago. when did you move here to los angeles? >> oh. it's been a long time. i don't want to date myself. but it was 2008. >> jimmy: 2008. >> 2008. >> jimmy: moved on the by yourself or with people? >> by myself originally. i got broke. that's the age-old story. i needed a roommate. and so i had to go through that process. >> jimmy: do you keep in touch with the roommate? you do not? [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: was the roommate weird? >> it was -- i have to ask you this question first. are you friends or do you know
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anybody in the ninja community? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in the ninja community? >> yeah. when i say ninja, i don't mean it like how joe rogan would say it. actual ninjas. >> jimmy: you mean -- no, i don't know any 9 jazz. >> okay, good, yeah. i used to call him the jamaican ninja who used to do night missions. he was a little odd, the guy. he had the sword he would keep in the corner of our living room. >> jimmy: that's a great quality for a roommate. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. it was more like a dagger, know what i mean? he said, "listen, this is off limits, brother. you can do anything you want in here except touch my sword." okay. a friend came over, obviously we touched the sword. [ laughter ] we touched the sword a lot. not like that. but you know. one day i'm hanging out with friends, all of a sudden here comes the ninja, right? shirtless. barefoot. much like what ninjas would do. he comes out, screaming at the
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top of his lungs. >> jimmy: great. >> he's like, "did you touch my sword!" what? "did you touch my sword? i told you, you do not know the power of which it contains!" and he was that serious. >> jimmy: come on. >> he storms off, goes upstairs. maybe 20 minutes later i go inside. he acts like nothing happened. "hey, bro, what's up, man?" [ laughter ] could not make this up. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: wow. >> it was a strange time. >> jimmy: you moved, i'm guessing? >> eventually, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a smoke bomb, and -- you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: holy cow. okay. so this explains why you don't keep in touch. >> no. >> jimmy: your roommate now is how much her adorable than that. we have a photograph that you posted. there's your little girl. how old is she? >> oh, man. 18 months. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you know that's not a safe way to drive, right? [ laughter ] >> honestly, she drinks a lot. so we keep her behind. no, she's a very dangerous driver no.
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she's a dangerous little girl. >> jimmy: is she really? >> she as damn daredevil, no matter how cute she looks, she's got her own agenda. >> jimmy: she does? >> you know, when you're a parent, parents here? [ applause ] you baby-proof the place, know what i mean? when she became of age i had to put the bumpers in, hide the guns and the drugs and all that stuff, know what i mean? [ laughter ] one day, i'm checking the security camera, or the baby monitor. because usually, you know, she wakes up, she lets you know when she's awake by screaming. one day i hear silence. so i peek my head in the room. i put these bumpers all over her crib. so she wouldn't hurt herself. she's untying the bumpers. [ laughter ] with her little baby teeth. and she's got three of them off. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. she's a little psycho. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she made a break for it. >> trying to escape me. >> jimmy: wow. sounds like she's smart. >> very, yeah. she is, 100%. i mean, she -- when i say she's the sweetest girl in the entire
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world, i truly do mean that. but you know, there's always two sides to every story. [ laughter ] sometimes i'm afraid for me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's talk about your show. because it's a confusing thing to explain. >> yes. >> jimmy: you play a cartoonist, as i mentioned. >> yes. >> jimmy: who speaks to inanimate animate objects. >> yes. >> jimmy: yes? >> yes. >> jimmy: that speak back? >> 100%. i just want to appeal to the people out there at home. you know, this show is for you. this show is for every single person out there. i know we hear the title "woke," and we get confused. is it about race? is this show about inequality? all that kind of stuff. do i talk to pens, markers, and cartoons? yes, i do. is my character crazy? yes. but at its core, this show truly is all about asking the question, do white people wash their legs or not?
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? what? >> that's what it's about. >> jimmy: that's the question? >> yeah. there's a lot that divides us as people. you know what i mean? that's a great divide in this country and everyone's been talking about it. >> jimmy: wait a minute. do black people wash their legs? >> you [ bleep ] right we wash our legs! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. and white people don't wash their legs? >> well, that -- i don't know yet. you know? [ laughter ] i haven't showered with a white person. i haven't seen, you know -- you know. >> jimmy: i don't wash my legs every time. the back of the -- the armpit of the knee i'll wash. my doctor actually told me, are you washing your legs? i was like, yeah. he said, don't wash your legs so much, the skin gets dry. >> is that -- you know, that could be true. black people, sometimes we get ashy. we got to put cocoa butter on. >> jimmy: i do cocoa butter also. >> really? >> jimmy: dj khaled gave me a
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whole jar. [ laughter ] you think i'm kidding but i'm not. >> you're not kidding? >> jimmy: sometimes i talk to it as i draw. we really have a lot in common. well, sounds like you're really tackling the tough topics. >> 100%. hit me up on instagram, let me know if you wash your legs or not. [ applause ] >> jimmy: there we go. we'll put your name right up there on the screen there. season 2 of "woke" premieres friday on hulu. lamorne morris, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] be right back with the regrettes. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" mercedes e-q.s is presented by - all electric, all mercedes.
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the all-new mercedes-amg sl. ♪ ♪ the star is reborn. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes e-q. all electric, all mercedes. >> jimmy: thanks to idris elba and lamorne morris. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, the kardashian-jenner family and their new family member rob gronkowski. "nightline" is next. but first, their album "further joy" comes out this friday. here with the song "anxieties - out of time," the regrettes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ i can hear the sirens when my vision's blurry ♪ ♪ and my eyes won't stay dry 'cause my thoughts will hurt me ♪ ♪ knock me down, down up, back down ♪ ♪ knock me down i won't back down ♪ ♪ i can feel their anger i can't run much longer ♪ ♪ feel the faults they rage out ♪ ♪ ones in the vaults they'll break out ♪ ♪ to knock me down, down up, back down ♪ ♪ knock me down i won't back down ♪ ♪ do you feel it comin' you won't see it coming ♪ ♪ all of these anxieties come over me just let me breathe ♪ ♪ are we just forever runnin' out of time? ♪ ♪ missin' how it feels to really be alive ♪ ♪ knock me down, down up, back down ♪
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♪ knock me down i won't back down ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ knock me down, down up, back down ♪ ♪ knock me down i won't back down ♪ ♪ ♪ i can see the silence and it's coming towards me ♪ ♪ but my body weighs down and my mind is burning ♪ ♪ knock me down, down up, back down ♪ ♪ knock me down i won't back down ♪ ♪ do you feel it comin' you won't see it comin' ♪ ♪ all of these anxieties come over me just let me breathe ♪ ♪ are we just forever runnin' out of time ♪ ♪ missin' how it feels to really be alive ♪
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♪ knock me down, down up, back down ♪ ♪ knock me down i won't back down ♪ ♪ 7 ♪ knock me down, down up, back down ♪ ♪ knock me down i won't back down ♪ ♪ ♪ what can i what can i do ♪ ♪ can somebody give me a damn clue ♪ ♪ fear on my body like glue ♪ ♪ can't move i can't move i can't move ♪ ♪ what can i what can i say ♪ ♪ tellin' myself that i'm okay ♪ ♪ colors come after the rain ♪ ♪ knock me down i won't back down ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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tonight, the deadly drug tearing families apart. >> what is her name? >> sofia. >> let me take over cpr. sir, has she used narcotics? >> street drugs laced with fentanyl. >> these kids are dying from one bad decision. >> police officers on the front lines in a desperate fight. >> i'm coming! >> this is an epidemic that's been hidden by the pandemic. we're hearing of deaths almost every day. >> the head of the dea with a stark warning. >> we've now seen in the past year enough fentanyl to be a deadly dose for every single american. >> easily available with the tap of your phone. >> i'm looking for a little plug emoji, a fire emoji, whatever emoji t
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