tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 5, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
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live, kevin hart. have a great night everyone. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" with guest host mike birbiglia! tonight -- kevin hart. and hannah einbinder. with cleto and the cletones. and now, mike birbiglia! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> mike: how are you doing? how are you? holy cow. i'm doing this. all right. well. [ cheers and applause ] i'm glad you're excited. i'm very excited. i'm very excited. this is my final night. this is my final night filling in for jimmy kimmel.
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he's got covid this week. he's okay. it's been such a fun week for me. it's been such an honor. and now jimmy owes me a favor. [ laughter ] which is nice with friends when it's, like, they owe you a big favor. it's like you can't really say no, so hopefully covid doesn't do any organ damage. [ laughter ] because someday one of those might belong to me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] happy cinco de mayo, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] obviously, yes. guillermo, happy cinco de mayo to you. >> guillermo: thank you. happy cinco, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: guillermo has been drunk since uno de mayo. >> guillermo: yeah, for sure. >> mike: sunday's mother's day, don't forget. >> guillermo: oh, yeah, no, no. happy mother's day to everybody! >> mike: yeah.
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[ cheers and applause ] so what are you going to get your mom? >> guillermo: my mom, i give her money. [ laughter ] >> mike: smart, smart. money? >> guillermo: so she can buy whatever she wants. >> mike: yeah, i know what money is. [ laughter ] how much money do you give her? >> guillermo: i give her like 3, 2, $400. >> mike: sounds a little more like a drug deal than a gift. [ laughter ] i got a really nice compliment, guillermo, on a show, someone who -- a mom who watches the show every night. this is real. this is twitter. hey, mike, you're killing it on jkl, thank you so much for the warmth and wit, you're doing a great job. jimmy's mom. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's jimmy kimmel's mom. i'm winning over america one mom
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at a time. called my mom the other day and i go, mom, have you been watching the show? i'm filling in for jimmy. she goes, yeah. justsat there for a second. [ laughter ] and then i go, how do you think i'm doing? she said, it's a hard job. [ laughter ] couldn't find the compliment in that one. still looking. but for my final night here at "jimmy kimmel live," i thought i'd video chat with my mom to wish her a happy mother's day. but i don't actually -- it's sweet, i know. it's a really exciting thing. but i don't know how it will go. my mom is not great with technology. she pretty much calls every piece of technology past 1985 a car phone. [ laughter ] one time i actually -- i had her fax me something. then she called me and said, could you fax that back? that's my only copy. [ laughter ]
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that's a true story. that has no punch lines in it. [ cheers and applause ] this is a fun one too. in the car with my mom, she's driving, she's leaving a voicemail for a friend on speakerphone. and she was leaving a message, she goes, "we can't come to your dinner party because michael's home and we promised we'd take him out to pizza." she pressed what she thought was the end button on the phone. [ audience moaning ] i know. she look over at me and she goes, "i just made that up." then i pressed the actual end button on the phone. [ laughter ] and the moral of the story is, if you're not great with technology, don't be cocky about it. [ laughter ] do you want to meet my mom? [ cheers and applause ] please say hello to mary jean birbiglia. hi, mom, how are you?
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>> good, how are you doing? >> mike: this isn't -- mom, we've never spoken over video chat before. [ laughter ] this is actually not anything that i'm used to. this is exciting, though. can you see me? >> yes, i can see you. >> mike: you can see me? >> i can see you. >> mike: okay. >> can you see me? [ laughter ] >> mike: i can see you. it looks like your eyes are closed. [ laughter ] are your eyes closed? >> i just finished my nap. took a nap. >> mike: that makes sense. i get it. so just a couple of things out of the way. like, i'm your favorite kid, right? [ laughter ] i'm youngest of four. and i just always want to make sure i'm your favorite of your children, right?
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>> you're one of my favorites. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> mike: mom, what was i like when i was a kid, when i was a little kid? do you think i was a talk show host? [ laughter ] >> serious. >> mike: serious? very serious? that's what my mom always says. like, my mom when i'm home for holidays she'll go, "you comedians are so serious." [ laughter ] i'm like, you comedians? how many comedians do you know? [ laughter ] one time i was home, do you remember this, mom? i was -- my parents -- i was performing in cape cod near where my parents live. and i was on the cover of the entertainment section of "the cape cod times." mom, look! i'm on the front of "the cape cod times." and she said -- do you remember this? she said it must have been a slow week -- >> i said it must have been a slow week. [ laughter ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> mike: so you wonder. so you wonder where the comedian -- what the origin story of the comedian is. [ laughter ] this is "the joker" all over again. well, first of all, i want you to know, in front of all these folks here watching, i really appreciate you. i think you're a great mom. [ applause ] and i'm able to say that because i'm a parent now and i see my wife jen who's an amazing mom and i recognize qualities in you, in jen, and it's just -- i feel like i appreciate my mom more, you more, as i get older. because i understand it more. >> that's right. [ applause ] >> mike: do you have any response? [ laughter ]
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>> no. [ laughter and applause ] >> mike: it's mother's day. a significant holiday for you. do you feel sentimental about it? >> no, i don't like mother's day. [ laughter ] it's a day you get up and you get all these phone calls. and everybody feels guilty if they don't call on time. when did she call, when did he call? by the time the day's over, you're just glad it's over. [ laughter and applause ] >> mike: guillermo, that's exactly how you feel about it, right? >> guillermo: yeah, exactly. >> mike: you and my mom should have a nice brunch together, i feel like. [ laughter ] so while you're on, i want to ask you about something else. this is kind of a mystery from our family text chain where you might have a little family text chain.
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this is something where my brother joe texted the family chain. my sister-in-law carolyn, with these dogs, it's real cute. he wrote, carolyn's very popular here. then a bunch of people wrote back. mom, you wrote the letter "h" as your response. [ laughter ] >> i don't know what -- i think that was a mistake. [ laughter ] >> mike: no, i think you're absolutely right. [ laughter ] unless you're a member of some kind of secret society that i don't know about, i think that's definitely a mistake. then i wrote back, "mom just wrote the letter "h" as her response." and then my brother joe wrote, "yes." [ laughter ] then this is where it gets weird. mom, you wrote back this. [ laughter and applause ]
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i don't know, i don't know. i don't know what that is. it's some kind of iphone thing where it's like, blue lines that are, like, grill marks. [ laughter ] joe's actually the one who thought we should get you an iphone, mom. then my sister gina said, "i don't think she's ready for an iphone." based on this text chain, i think i'm going to go with gina on this one. [ laughter ] but i got you something as a token of my appreciation. so a few years ago we had a -- my siblings and i held an anniversary party for my parents. 40 years. we were like, we're going to have a clam bake. they live in cape cod. and my sister gina hired a caterer. the caterer didn't show up. and gina called them. and they were like, in their car, driving to providence, rhode island. "oh, yeah, we totally forgot." [ audience moans ] long story short, we ordered 15 pizzas.
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what we found is when people are drunk enough, they don't realize they're not at a clam bake. [ laughter ] [ applause ] they didn't care at all. didn't care at all. >> and good music. >> mike: great music. to make up for that, we got you a clam bake pot. [ applause ] i'm going to fax this to you. if you could fax it back to me, that would be great. mom, i appreciate you. happy mother's day! [ cheers and applause ] and we want everyone to have a happy mother's day. >> thank you. >> mike: mary jean birbiglia, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] my mom is not the only one who hasn't mastered technology. on mother's day we've asked some celebrities to share their most delightful texts they've received from the women who brought them into the world, here they are. >> my mom only texts me when it's bad. "your show was filthy last
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night, playing poop games with laura linney is not entertaining, get a hold of yourself." get a hold of yourself, mom. >> saw you on drew barrymore's show. adorable. getting ready for your dad's colonoscopy tomorrow. [ laughter ] happy mother's day, mom. i'm so sorry. >> hi, sandy. i was rearranging the valentine flowers today thinking you always send me so many flowers. the florist must shove so many different flowers in a limited size vase. i'm happy receiving just a few flowers with your love, sandy. next time when you want to send me flowers, please half size. [ laughter ] >> my mom and i are big "game of thrones" fans but she lives on the east coast so we can never watch together. but she did send me this text just about an hour before i watched the season 6 finale. "i can't believe they killed jon snow." [ laughter ]
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>> update on roomba. i used roomba today in my living room. although she escaped a few times into the hallway and the kitchen. it was fun. i moved furniture around to accommodate her. i'm tempted to name her after my granddaughter since sh has a will of her own, but i don't think that would go over too well. any suggestions for a name? and yes, it may be misogynist to give her a female gender, but i know with that gender she'll get the job done. [ laughter ] >> i am so mad at you, period. i have been driving around all afternoon thinking about you dead in a ditch somewhere. i can't believe you didn't tell me you are dead. how dare you. your father is mad too. call me after your manicure. happy mother's day, mom, i'm really sorry i didn't tell you that i died on "house of cards." >> my parents traveled to the middle east a number of years ago to do historical sightseeing.
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out of the blue i got a text from my mom who i guess they had just arrived. all caps, exclamation point. damascus! >> would you care if i go to the spa where they get all the hair and dry skin off my face and maybe a massage? never done this stuff except massage. [ bleep ]. i need to do some work on my butt. now, not her actual butt like her butt is her whole body, it's a southern thing, trust me. >> do you know anyone who can get me a ticket to the pitbull concert on sunday in chula vista? maybe call tony robbins. yeah, let me call tony robbins and try to score you some pitbull tickets. [ laughter ] >> i got the day off one day. my mom texted me this. she almost never texts me in english. this is what it said. it said, you may come visit your sister. thanks for the permission, mother.
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and i don't have a sister. she's referring to the pug, which is a girl. follow her @toffeestarpug. hey, toffee, love you. >> i'll preface this by saying, i have no idea what this means. i'm not sure it's worth watching, i came across historical background about a man who wrote "bambi." the lecturer, what is my grade, and i skipped around so i don't think it's worthwhile for you to listen to. however, you may just want to look it up. the lecturer was not very good. happy mother's day, mom. and please, stay off the drugs. [ laughter ] my mom isn't talking to me. i just realized that in this moment, that's a real bummer. i really, really loved her so much. >> you guys had a good run. >> we had a great run. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: we have a great show for you tonight. from "hacks," hannah einbinder is here. and we'll be right back with kevin hart.
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♪ call one eight hundred, eight million ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> mike: all right. welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm mike birbiglia. tonight, from "hacks" on hbo max, hannah einbinder is here. [ cheers and applause ] very exciting. our first guest is a hugely successful comedian, actor, and entrepreneur. he's the only person i know who could possibly promote both a children's book and a premium tequila in the same talk show appearance. [ laughter ] the book is, "marcus makes it big," and the tequila is gran coramino. but please don't drink and read bedtime stories at the same
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time. [ laughter ] say hello to the very funny kevin hart. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> mike: oh, kevin hart! i've never seen people this excited before. >> thank you. >> mike: is this what your whole life is like, people, standing ovations? >> no, this is just here. this has always been one of the best audiences ever when it comes to late-night tv, always. always. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: it's so good to see you, always. we literally started together. >> yes, that's true. >> mike: we were in the montreal "just for laughs" festival in they have at this big festival, 2001. >> 2001?
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i thought it was 2002. >> mike: it might have been 2002. it's all just a blur at this point. [ laughter ] and you were killing then, you're killing now. did you have a sense that you'd be playing hockey arenas? did you know this was where this whole thing was going? >> when you go back there, i think the craziest thing about the time that mike is talking about, that's a big deal. >> mike: yeah. >> for comics. i mean, if you make it to "new faces," it's all about getting seen by the right people, and hopefully those people can make great decisions that been propel your career into a different place. >> mike: yeah. >> i remember being on that show, making it to that. it was so much pressure. it was like, i got to do good, i got to do good. you're only thinking about that, right? and things keep happening. as they keep happening you're like, oh, wait, this is where it's going. oh, wait, it's here now. oh, wait, it's here now. when i finally got to the place where i was doing arenas, it's a pinch yourself moment. because you don't expect it. >> mike: yeah. >> it kind of progresses into that. and when you realize it, when you do get those wins, they're
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much bigger. >> mike: yeah. >> they mean so much more. because those fans have truly grown with you over the years. so, you know, the world of performing in arenas now, man, is something that i love and i'm excited about every single time. >> mike: yeah. >> i don't take it for granted. >> mike: yeah. >> it's not like, i knew i was going to get there, bitch! [ laughter and applause ] >> mike: yeah, that would be off-putting. >> i'm not there, it's one that i'm really humble about and thankful for, because i didn't expect to see it. and the fact that i am is dope. >> mike: your show for netflix this week got moved because of the playoffs. >> i got bumped. [ laughter ] >> mike: you got bumped. >> i got bumped. >> because the kings were in the playoffs. >> yes, yeah. by the way, to book my show during that time shows the faith that they had -- [ laughter ] -- in the kings, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: not a lot of faith. >> not a lot of faith.
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there was no faith. >> mike: no. >> so i get a call and they're urgent on the call. oh, god, this is bad! i'm like, what? the kings made the playoffs! [ laughter ] what? what does that mean? they said, we've got to figure this out, we've got to figure out the dates. my show at the crypto.com arena was on the 6th. that's the date they needed. i'm like, these things happen, it's unfortunate. but in the world of problems, there's always a solution. so i moved to the 5th. sot.e thut-old all the people went and just honored the date of the 5th. so it's going to be a good time regardless. >> mike: that's right. >> but it's a good problem to have. >> mike: yeah. >> it could be much worse. much worse. >> mike: the chappelle thing was so scary. >> not scary, but all right. >> mike: no? [ laughter ] >> somebody ran on stage and got their ass whooped. [ applause ] not scary. not scary. it's one of those things that need to happen, right? >> mike: no! >> yes. [ laughter ]
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>> mike: no! >> what do you mean, no? >> mike: what do you mean, yes? >> mike, do you want people to continue to think they can cross that line and break the barrier of entertainer and -- >> mike: no, we're on the same side of this. >> that's my point. >> mike: there was a momentary confusion. >> well, i don't know how you can get confused there, mike, somebody getting their ass whipped sends a message to other people, you know, i was thinking about doing that. [ laughter ] >> mike: oh, okay. >> seeing that i don't want to do that. >> mike: we're saying the same thing. i'm saying scary that a person attacked dave in the first place. >> no, i think -- look, i think that the world that we're in right now, there's a lot of lines that have gotten blurred. and sometimes you got to take a couple steps backyards to take some steps forwards. i think that moment that we just witnessed with dave is like foggying up a bigger moment. dave made history at hollywood bowl. >> mike: yeah, unbelievable, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> dave went back after that and finished doing the show. >> mike: yeah. >> didn't let that thing be a
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big thing. >> mike: yeah. >> quickly moved on from it and got back to doing comedy. and that's what a professional does. >> mike: yeah. >> ultimately, you know, these moments of unprofessionalism should not break professionals. they shouldn't shape our mold the world that we're now being seen or viewed in. i think it's time to get back to a place of respect for your live entertainer. >> mike: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i agree. what is -- because you've done all kinds of gigs over the years. what's the most unhinged audience member you ever had? >> i mean, the worst one is when i got hit with a buffalo wing. [ laughter ] i talked about that for a long time. that happened. that's the worst one. that's a famous story. >> mike: at a club? >> at the club. someone threw a buffalo wing at me. [ laughter ] but here's what people have forgotten. stand-up comedy, it's always been the world of heckler and comedian. comedian has always dealt with heckler. heckler has always shouted out
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things because he felt he could. a comedian's way of shutting that down was to say things back. it wasn't bullying. it wasn't picking on. it was all done in fun. we've now lost sight of the relationship of audience to comedian. and that line has gotten blurred. so where it's like, well, i don't need to do this and like this, and i can stand up and make a point. well, it becomes a hard case of, why did you come? >> mike: yeah. >> why did you buy a ticket if that was your want or need? when i say we need to get back to the place of respecting the entertainer, respect the craft. if you're coming, come to have a good time, enjoy the person that you saw. if you have no interest in that, you don't have to buy a ticket. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: yeah, that's right. >> you don't have to go. >> mike: i have my podcast, it's all about the comedy-writing process. i find it fascinating with you because i've one of my favorite comics that you don't write jokes longhand. >> no.
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>> mike: you come up with premises, throw them on stage, see what happens, try it again the next night. >> absolutely. that's always worked for me. if it's too written, too rehearsed or broken down, i don't find the fresh perspective in it. >> mike: yeah. >> i like the struggle. i like not knowing where it's going. my writing process is just -- it's live, it's in action. >> mike: yeah. >> those bullet points, okay, i remember this, i remember that, i remember this. i go on bullet points every time. it takes me about a year, year and a half to come up with an hour of material because of the way i do it. >> mike: yeah. >> i go from the comedy club to the theater. >> mike: yeah. >> smaller side of an arena. then the bigger side. but it's all the stages. >> mike: yeah. >> so my -- my system, i don't recommend for everybody. but it's worked for me over the course of the years. >> mike: yeah. >> i also got a photographic memory, too. [ laughter ] >> mike: i've heard this about you. >> yeah, i've got a photographic memory. >> mike: memorizing lines for a movie, you see it, you're done. >> fast. >> mike: really? >> all in context. >> mike: since you were a kid? >> always.
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the day that goes away, my career's over. [ laughter ] the day it goes away, it's over. >> mike: now i'm worried. >> i'm telling you. when it comes to movies and lines in movies, my lines should be based off of what you say. >> mike: yeah. >> so good writing is reactive. >> mike: yeah. >> so when you say something, my lines should basically be teed up off of what you said. >> mike: that's right. >> and that's how i get the world of context. it's more about what you say. i'm reacting to it so it's easier for me to remember. it doesn't matter how big the monologue, how big the photograph. >> mike: what happens if the lines aren't a great response? >> then i change them. [ laughter ] >> mike: you heard it here, hollywood. >> i change them. >> mike: kevin hart changes the lines. >> yeah, i change them. now, i change them now. earlier in my career, i had to deal with it. >> mike: not during "new faces." but now. >> now i can go, "that don't make sense" and they got to listen to it. back then, i couldn't. >> mike: more with kevin hart after this.
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♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ shining like gold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado live in the golden state ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> mike: welcome back. we're here with kevin hart. kevin wrote this book, it's called "marcus makes it big." and it's a kid's chapter book. >> yes. >> mike: what don't you do, kevin? it's unbelievable. >> you know what, i'm trying to honestly do it all. [ laughter ] and the reason for it is simply, why not? i think the sky is truly the
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limit. and the more that you do, the more that you realize you can do. so for me it was about the books that i felt weren't there when i was a kid. >> mike: yeah. >> you know, for kids that look like me, that come from where i come from, you want to have things that can inspire and ignite their ability to dream and want. so the world of marcus is simply that. it's for the young creative mind that wants to do something but is always told that they can't. you need to find some wiggle room when you hear no. you need to find some true belief. when everybody's telling you that you can't do something or you can't achieve. in this case, marcus is a kid that heard it and didn't believe that what they were saying was true. so he figured out a way to do the thing that he wanted. and "marcus makes a movie" was the first one. this one, this is my second one. it's all parallel to, of course, my life to some degree. and the things that i went through, the things that i've experienced. to truly start out at the bottom
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and be an example of make it to the top in some way, shape or form, it's incentivized -- it incentivizes the youth in some way. >> mike: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] and also, and also it takes a comedian to have a sort of autobiographical character be this snazzy-looking man. [ laughter ] >> yes, yes. >> mike: with the sunglasses. >> with the legs. >> mike: the legs and sunglasses. [ laughter ] >> that was a specific ask for me. it came back, his legs were too big. i said, no. [ laughter ] no, no. got to have little legs. little legs. you know what, man? the whole creative process in literature, right? it's so -- it's so amazing. and it starts out here. if marcus basically becomes a phenomenon at the years, kids love it, well, that becomes tv, books, or lunchboxes, toys, whatever. so you go back to the ground level.
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ground zero is here. it's where it starts. >> mike: right. >> you can find some love, some happiness, some excitement it in. i promise you, it will pay off. for me i'm truly enjoying the world of marcus and what it's now turning into. and i can't wait to get to volume v and look back and remember where i was. something my kids are even part of. my kids love marcus. [ applause ] they're a part of the story. >> mike: i love that. >> that's why i get a lot of the stuff. that's why i get a lot of the lingo. i got to talk to my kid for the lingo. [ laughter ] >> mike: sure, of course. >> which is why i'm using words like "lingo." >> mike: is mother's day big if your household? you're a father of four? >> father of four, yes. a lot of kids. mother's day has to be big. >> mike: it's got to be, got to go big with mother's day. >> you have to. look. it's not about going big, it's about the acknowledgement. >> mike: yeah. >> it's understanding, acknowledging moms all over. [ applause ] what we should do. >> mike: absolutely. >> right? so in my house, we do make a big
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deal out of it. you know, we do make sure that we make mom feel special on that day. it's extremely different from father's day. [ laughter ] you know, extremely different. >> mike: yes, it is different. i have noticed that. >> it's a big -- not to say they don't give a [ bleep ], but i feel they don't give a [ bleep ]. [ laughter and applause ] >> mike: i don't agree or disagree, i'm agnostic on this. >> about the same, the same effort and energy. i just get some eggs thrown on a plate and it's chucked at me. [ laughter ] but we make a big deal and we should out of mother's day. looking forward to it. >> mike: parenting advice? >> communicate. communicate with your kids, right? it's all about the conversation. especially today. the words and the sharing of words between you and your children is so important. because there are no bad talks, right? >> mike: yeah. >> the more that my kids understand that the more we talk.
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that's the best piece of advice that i put to use. my advice i would give anybody, i'm a firm believer with the younger kids in letting the young kids do stupid stuff so they learn not to do it anymore. [ applause ] i'm a firm believer in that. >> mike: that's a huge thing. >> i'm not the -- like the dad, the overprotective dad that baby-proofs the house and all of that stuff. i'm a firm believer of, leave the corners there. [ laughter ] let that baby hit the head. [ applause ] >> mike: that's the next kevin hart "leave them corners there." >> leave them corners there! >> mike: kevin hart's guide to baby raising, "leave them corners there." >> mike, i got to write this down. "leave those corners there." it's a children's book and it's about the wear and tear that a natural home environment put on the baby. [ laughter ] and the baby starts off just not knowing, but by the end of the
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book the baby is scared of certain corners. [ laughter ] it's genius. >> mike: kevin hart, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] "marcus makes it big" and gran coramino tequila are both available now. thanks, kevin. we'll be back with hannah einbinder. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ your home... for adventure. your home... for romance. your home for big savings. [ laughs ] hey, mom, have you seen m-- ew. because when you bundle home and auto with progressive, your home is a savings paradise. bundles progressive. your home for savings. what's with the double mcnuggets? oh, this one's my backup in case something happens to the first one. mmm.
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>> mike: welcome back. our next guest is an emmy-nominated actor and comedian who plays a struggling comedy writer on the great show on the great hbo series "hacks." >> we don't have a comped room here anymore, so we were asked to clear it out. but i put all the overflow in these bags. >> ah. cool. everything's nice and loose in there. >> yeah. >> wait -- i had a cadbury cream egg i hadn't eaten, and they're seasonal, they're hard to get now. do you remember it? >> are you serious? >> no. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: season two premieres a week from today on hbo max. please welcome hannah einbinder.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> mike: holy cow, hannah. >> what's up, los angeles? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is that your new persona? >> that's me, i'm dressed the part, don't you see? shout-out to the 405 from l.a., really happy to be here, yeah! great freeway. >> mike: wow. so this is so exciting. i love "hacks." everyone loves "hacks." >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: it's so good. nominated for 15 emmys. how is your life different day to day since you were nominated for all these darn emmys? >> you know, not a whole lot. i'm a stand-up comedian, so i'm
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kind of constantly humbled almost every night of my life. [ laughter ] >> mike: yeah, sure. >> like the day that we received the beautiful, generous nominations at 8:00 a.m. it was very exciting. 8:00 p.m. that night, i was doing stand-up. probably 12 feet from a dumpster. >> mike: sure. [ laughter ] >> so i'm not talking a chill dumpster, i'm talking trash day is tomorrow dumpster. [ laughter ] >> mike: who books that? i'm trying to get in over there. [ laughter ] >> yeah, my buddy steve, i'll hook you up. >> mike: i'm always impressed by stand-ups who get on a show like yours that's such a hit, and you keep doing stand-up. you're at the bloomington comedy attic. you're touring the country. what keeps you driven and focused on doing that? >> well -- stand-up is like the foundation of my entire comedic education. and it's my number one passion. as you know. >> mike: yeah. >> a ton of different things, and still you keep coming back to the most toxic relationship
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in your life. [ laughter ] >> mike: yeah. no, sure, yeah. no, because yeah, you're only as good as your last show. and so then, yeah, you can't control how that goes. and you could be next to a dumpster. >> absolutely. [ laughter ] >> mike: could be in the dumpster. >> gladly. i headline dumpsters frequently. [ laughter ] >> mike: season two, you travel around with jean smart's character. if you haven't seen the show, you play a writer for jean smart, sort of legendary comic character. did it remind you of your life on the road? >> kind of. i mean, jean's character, deborah, runs into a lot of difficult situations on the road. it reminds me of one specifically that i practiced telling myself with a beer earlier today. [ laughter ] oh-oh, fourth wall break. yeah, the first time i ever went on the road i was 21 years old.
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i was one year into comedy. my buddy simon gibson took me on the road, really great comedian, check him out. we went to portland. we did 10 or 11 shows. portland, oregon. really great crowds. all great shows. the last show was in vancouver, washington, a small rural town, nine miles across the border into washington. we're sitting in the parking lot, simon and i. a couple of other comics. they're smoking weed. they have been smoking weed the entire time we've been on tour. >> mike: oh, wow. >> i haven't because i'd never smoked weed before going on stage. but that night i was like, i'm 21, i'm young, i'm hip. i can do this. i'll take a little puff on the magic dragon, i'll live by the sea. >> mike: yeah, yeah. those are all really hip turns of phrase. [ laughter ] >> yeah. yeah, i just got way too high, way too quick. then we had to go in and go on stage, kind of immediately. so we go into the venue immediately. and i beeline for the bathroom.
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i'm looking in the mirror. i'm in a foreign sort of area. i'm fighting off, let's be honest, a panic attack. [ laughter ] i then decided the best course of action would be to put on my sunglasses. >> mike: yeah. >> to blend in. at a bar in the dark at night. >> mike: oh my gosh. you became that person. >> i did. i did, sadly. so i emerged from the bathroom in sunglasses. and the host came up to me, are you cool to go on next? i lied and said yes. >> mike: in sunglasses. >> yeah, in the sunglasses. i'm definitely cool to go up next. >> mike: right, right. >> but am i okay? no. so -- yeah. so he went on stage and introduced me and he said, "all right, before i bring this next girl up, i just want to say, i was outside in the parking lot vaping and i saw a chick breast feeding in her car, and i was like, hell, ya, saw some titties, free that nipple,
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ladies, free that nipple! anyway, this next chick is from l.a., ca, hollywood, give it up for hannah heninger. >> mike: not your name. >> not my name. >> mike: different name. >> at this point, the least of my worries. >> mike: you're high and wearing sunglasses. >> yeah, in a big way. so i got on stage. and quickly lost control. and in an effort to gain it, i go into the mic, into a bar, full of people who are not paying attention to me, and frankly should not pay attention to me. i go, hey! hey, folks, we got some comedy going on over here, you might want to pay attention. we got some comedy over here, folks. and everyone, truly record scratch, turns to look at me. i forget my joke. [ laughter ] and they look away.
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so i'm struggling. there's, like, probably two tables full of people who are actually there for the comedy show. and one is angry teens who are totally judging me so hard. and i'm trying to make it work. nothing's landing. one guy in the back is just like, tell us a joke! [ laughter ] >> mike: always helpful. >> always really helpful. get me back on track. and i was like, i'll tell you a joke. and couldn't think of one. then he more sternly kind of said, tell us a joke. [ laughter ] in a moment of true, utter defeat, not like judging him or judging where he lives or anything like that, just like a moment of like, i can't do my job. i just looked at him and into the mic i was like, "sir, i can't possibly fathom what you and i have in common." [ laughter and applause ]
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and he looked at me and he was like, "i don't know, maybe more than you think." because i was high i was like, oh my god, worlds colliding! the message in what he's saying! like, comedy is the key to bringing us all together! and i have failed at that. just spiraling on stage. and the force of that, that moment, pushed me off the stage. i went outside, i smoked half a pack of cigarettes. my buddy simon came out and he was like, what happened in there, man? i was like, i don't know, dude, craziest set of my life, i can't believe i got through 15 minutes. and he was like, you were on stage for a minute and a half. [ laughter and applause ] >> mike: hannah einbinder, everybody. one of my favorite comics to watch. one of my favorite actors to watch. [ cheers and applause ] you can see her on season 2 of "hacks" may 12th on hbo max. we'll be right back!
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fantastic things start to happen when you step aboard a princess cruise. doors open up for you, your favorite drinks start finding you. and everything seems to be... just how you like it. how does it all happen? it's no secret. it's our job to discover what makes you feel special. yes, you! and you. and you too. making sure you feel taken care of. that's what a princess cruise is all about. cruise this summer from san francisco with up to 40% off. (footsteps) cruise this summer ♪ from the mountains to the coast, ♪ ♪ it's the state with the most. ♪ ♪ somos la crema de la crema ♪ ♪ con mucho sol todo el año, cuidado que te quemas ♪
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♪ stack that cheddar, make it melt. ♪ ♪ cook it up, stretch it out. ♪ ♪ we're breaking the mold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ shining like gold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado live in the golden state ♪ >> mike: that is all the time we have. i'd like to thank kevin hart, hannah einbinder, and of course, my friend, jimmy kimmel. jimmy, i mean this from the bottom of my heart, thank you for getting covid. it means so much to me. [ laughter ]
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"nightline" is next. thanks for watching, goodnight. this is "nightline." >> tonight, amber heard. >> i could just hear him say that he was going to kill me. >> the actresses' emotional testimony in the trial that's lighting up the internet. >> how much time do i have till i figure out what i need to do, because god, did he just hit me? >> johnny depp's ex-wife telling her side of the story, alleging abuse, which depp denies. >> never did i myself reach the point of striking ms. heard in any way. >> and the moment in court today getting a lot of buzz online when the two appear to make eye contact. plus brunch with babs. >> did your mom ever tell you? if not, i'm here to tell you.
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