larry: come on jimmy kimmel, mike mayers. have a good night and have a grea >> mike: just got out of my southwest airlines flight. long beach airport, california. i found out that i'm hosting "jimmy kimmel live." he has covid. so yeah, that's one of the promotions they're running at southwest right now, check that out. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" with guest host, mike birbiglia! tonight, mike myers, iliza slesinger, guillermo with the cast of "doctor strange in the multiverse of madness," and music from the black crowes. with cleto and the cletones. and now, mike birbiglia! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> mike: yo, yo, yo! hey, guillermo. hey, thanks so much.

hey! oh my god. [ cheers and applause ] wow. hey. oh, wow, thanks. oh my god. i just got off facetime with my 7-year-old daughter whose advice to me for hosting jimmy kimmel was pretend everyone in the audience is a dinosaur. [ laughter ] so this is such a weird experience for me right now. i am not jimmy kimmel. i'm like a totally different person. you may have heard, jimmy is out with covid. don't worry, he's okay. but i'm your substitute teacher for tonight, mike birbiglia, or as i'm known in the news -- >> kimmel announced on twitter that comedian mike -- bur-bil-ya -- i can't say his name. >> thanks to mike burrbilia who will take the reins -- >> comedian mike burrbiglya -- >> comedian mike burrbigliya is going to be filling in.

>> comedian mike bigabirgly will fill in -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> mike: it rolls off the tongue. [ laughter ] if you don't know me, i'm sort of one of those guys that you sort of recognize, but maybe not? [ laughter ] i'm a comedian. i was literally at trader joe's in brooklyn where i live and this guy comes up to me, "wait -- what are you in?" [ laughter ] and i go, "i'm in the worst conversation of my life." [ laughter ] "what are you in?" he goes, "i'm in that too." i said, "you cast me." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] true story, i was in a celebrity golf tournament, i was paired with these two guys to golf. they go, who do you think our celebrity's going to be? [ laughter ] i go, oh, no. i think it might be me. then i'm apologizing. "i'm really sorry i'm your celebrity, if you think this is

disappointing for you, you can't imagine how disappointing it is for me." [ laughter ] i was flying to los angeles yesterday on that southwest airlines flight you just saw. and i was going to be a guest for the netflix -- i'm here for the netflix comedy festival. i texted jimmy -- [ cheers and applause ] yeah, very exciting. which iliza shlesinger is in as well. [ cheers and applause ] i texted jimmy kimmel and molly and other friends to see if they wanted to meet up. hey, jimmy and molly, it's birbiglia, this is the real thing, i'm on jkl, let me know if you want to hang. very casual, i'm a casual man. [ laughter ] which is true, by the way. i'm a casual, casual person. jimmy wrote back, would love to but molly tested positive for the dreaded 19. i wrote, omg, so sorry, molly, rest, rest, rest.

this is where it started to get a little weird. [ laughter ] jimmy said, should i happen to get it, would you be interested in hosting the show tonight? [ laughter ] i'm on a southwest airlines flight. i -- oh -- uh -- yeah, absolutely! a few minutes later jimmy said this. [ laughter ] which has got to be a hipaa violation. [ laughter ] to recap, dinner, no. covid, yeah. hosting your talk show, yes. so in 20 minutes -- [ cheers and applause ] yeah. yeah. so i went from cheesecake factory to me hosting this show for a week. it's like your friend going, can you give me a ride to the airport? then he writes back, can you fly a plane? [ laughter ]

by the way, pretty sure i had the best outcome of anyone on that southwest airlines flight. [ laughter ] guess who's hosting "jimmy kimmel live"? i think the guy from boarding group "c." [ laughter and applause ] i think we should just check in with jimmy to see how he's doing. can we get the feed up? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's up? >> mike: jimmy! jimmy! you've got to turn the music off. >> jimmy: hey, man. what's up? >> mike: jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what's happening? >> mike: did you just take your second pair of sunglasses off your first pair of sunglasses? >> jimmy: because of the covid, the doctor told me to wear two pairs. [ laughter ] >> mike: it seems like you're

sort of having a vacation. are you sure you have covid? >> jimmy: oh, no, this is not a vacation at all. just i was told to kind of relax, stay at home, have a -- >> mike: hey, molly. i thought you were sick. [ laughter and applause ] molly was behind you a second ago, looked like she was mixing a drink. >> jimmy: no, molly's upstairs in bed, she's very ill. >> mike: okay, molly's grabbing the vodka behind you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, i appreciate you having me here -- [ doorbell ] >> jimmy: oh my gosh. can you just -- my masseuse is here. i just have to run and grab the door. >> mike: don't do that, you have covid! [ doorbell ] >> jimmy: yeah, but he doesn't yet. i've got to go grab that, i'll be right back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: my god, don't do that.

that is not -- he's not modeling good behavior. >> guillermo: no, that's not good to do. [ laughter ] >> mike: that's not right. when jimmy asked me to do this he was like, you'll be funny. interview a few guests, make jokes about the news. then this morning i made the mistake of reading the news. [ laughter ] turns out they're turning "handmaid's tale" into a reality series. no, i know. it's a crazy time. and i was hoping for something lighter. [ laughter ] something with a little more pep, you know. like world war iii! [ laughter ] or elon musk caught the sun! [ laughter ] you know, something fun. but it's a dark day for the country. not to make it about me, but it's a tough day to vaguely resemble brett kavanaugh. [ moans and laughter ]

i'm going to get stuff thrown at me this week. [ laughter ] today's teacher appreciation day. any teachers in the audience? round of applause? [ cheers and applause ] give it up for your teachers. thank your teachers at home. i've had so many great teachers in my life. st. mary's school, mrs. dunphy, mrs. sinkwich, mrs. third grade when i was named author of the month. this is real. they accidentally left it up for three months. [ laughter ] so i was author of three months. but i feel very lucky to have had my teachers in my life. guillermo, did you have good teachers in your life? >> guillermo: yeah, my favorite was miss gomez. she used to send me to buy cigarettes for her. [ laughter ] >> mike: that doesn't seem good though, right? >> guillermo: it was good for me. she used to send me go buy

single cigarettes. she would give me a dollar. i would buy four, three, and i would steal one for me. [ laughter ] >> mike: i don't think -- i don't think your example is indicative of what a good teacher is. >> guillermo: well, that happened a long time ago. just go back to the monologue, please. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: guillermo and i have a good rapport. go back to the monologue, please. [ laughter ] this is an exciting night. guillermo got to interview the cast of "doctor strange" this week. if you don't know, these are some of my favorite celebrity interviews. your typical celebrity interview, they do it, you know, a sort of face-to-face interview. what do you do? >> guillermo: i do my back-to-back. [ laughter ] yeah, back-to-back. >> mike: back-to-back.

here's guillermo back-to-back with the cast of "doctor strange and the multiverse of madness." [ cheers and applause ] >> i made it, guys. i'm on "back-to-back with guillermo." ha ha ha! >> ha ha ha! >> i like your laugh. >> i like your laugh too. who's the better benedict, you or cookenbergbosh. >> cookenbergbosh? >> how do you say his last name? >> i think you're saying it perfectly. >> cookenbatch? >> cucumber patch. >> would you like a back scratch? >> oh, yeah, i'm always good for a back scratch. right there. oh, yeah, lower. >> you don't get this in front-to-front interview. this is your first interview back-to-back? >> i'm back for the second time doing back-to-back. >> oh, yeah, right. >> yeah. we've done it before, definitely. >> oh, yeah. an american would call it a corn

dog. >> mm. that's very nice. >> you're a doctor? >> i'm a doctor. >> doctors give shots, right? >> they do, yeah. >> should i take a shot right now? >> right now? >> yeah. >> i don't have one on me, but yeah. >> i have one. all right, i'll take a shot, okay? hold on. doctor's orders, right? >> i support this message, shots are good for you. >> but i hear you have to get two shots? a booster too, right? >> yeah, you've got to get a booster for that shot, definitely. [ cheers and applause ] >> i like to interview with two shots. i hear you had a birthday yesterday? >> i did, yeah. >> did you have a pinata? >> no, it was kind of lame. >> i got a pinata for you, hold on a moment, all right? okay? >> oh my gosh! >> reach into the box. there's a big stick right there. yeah, yeah. ♪ >> yeah, yeah! >> oh, oh! is there candy in there? >> yeah, use your superpowers. you didn't!

[ applause ] >> can i ask you a question? a strange question? you've got to pick a question. >> okay. thank you. who's the sexiest breakfast cereal mascot? >> what a strange question, right? >> i mean, tony the tiger, i guess. >> i guess. he work out, he's tough. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> all right? >> yeah. who is your weirdest uncle? >> what a strange question, right? >> maybe val. uncle val. >> uncle val? why? what did he do? >> he was a fighter pilot, then he was a commercial airline pilot. >> oh, that's kind of weird. [ laughter ] look into the camera. you're my weirdest uncle, tell him. >> you're my weirdest uncle, uncle val. >> i hope he's not -- i hope he's not watching. >> if i thought he was watching this [ bleep ], i wouldn't have said anything. he's not watching.

[ laughter and applause ] >> do you want to meet a multiverse of me? >> yes, i would love to. >> hold on, i'll be right back. >> okay. >> okay, do i look like you in "mean girls"? [ laughter ] >> exactly. >> do i look so fetch? >> no, you're not fetch at all. >> no? >> stop trying to make fetch happen for yourself. >> what a mean thing to say. would you ever date a girl with a moustache? >> i probably have. >> me too. i'll be right back, okay? >> okay. >> that was a much better question. should have picked that one. if you woke up naked at a carnival, what's is first thing you do? >> hi.

i am back. sorry it took forever. >> wow. >> i'm doctor guillermo strange. what do you think? okay, i have a strange question for you. >> yeah, go for it. >> if you wake up naked at a carnival -- [ laughter ] what is the first thing you would do? >> i'd try and find you and go for shots. >> maybe it's time for another shot. >> i think you've had enough, it's time for me to have a shot. >> you want a shot? i'll give you a shot. cheers, doctor mister. >> cheers, doctor guillermo. it's like looking at myself. >> thank you, mr. benedict cookenbatch. >> it's close. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: guillermo!

cumberbatch remembers you a lot better than you remembered him. >> guillermo: i think i was drunk at the first interview. [ laughter ] >> mike: that makes a lot of sense. we've got a great show for you tonight. my buddy iliza shlesinger is here. [ cheers and applause ] music from the black crowes. we'll be back with mike myers! stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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because i'm not -- i'm thinking maybe we'll just add this here. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he just wants to get the word out on that early. [ laughter ] tonight on the show, she's performing at the netflix comedy festival friday at the orpheum theater. iliza shlesinger is here. very exciting. [ cheers and applause ] then later, in honor of live nation's concert week, you can see them on tour starting june 9th in fort lauderdale. their new ep, "1972," comes out tomorrow. the black crowes from the mercedes eq stage. [ cheers and applause ] i'll be back tomorrow night, when we will celebrate may the 4th with ewan mcgregor, ben schwartz, and music from the head & the heart. very exciting. our first guest is a canadian gentleman of many talents, voices, characters, catch phrases, and the occasional mystery. you can see him portray eight very different characters in the

bizarre and funny new limited series, "the pentaverate." it premieres may 5th on netflix. please welcome mike myers! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. wow. how about that? that is quite an ovation, wow, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: you're a legendary person. >> you're worthy, you're worthy, thank you. >> mike: you're a legendary person. it's so funny because i've always -- [ cheers ] yeah, yeah, keep going, then we wn't have to talk or anything. [ laughter ] it's so funny. i met you a few years ago through our mutual friend michael keegan, who's so good on "the pentaverate." >> oh, yeah, just a great comedian.

i have seasonal allergies so excuse me if i sound like this. [ laughter ] >> mike: that's not what your rapid test said. >> no. [ laughter ] oh, no, i definitely have covid. no, i have what i call functional covid. [ laughter ] >> mike: workable covid? >> canadian covid. >> mike: canadian covid. [ applause ] your depiction on "the pentaverate" of canada is so funny. you have a moment at the end of -- i hope it doesn't spoil the end of -- one of the things -- you drive from canada to america. it goes from being fuzzy to being sort of colorful and lush. >> this is what it is to grow up in canada. your face up against the glass, looking at america going, i think it's sharper down there. [ laughter ] i think there's more pixels. i think there's more pixels. >> mike: i was laughing. i didn't even know why i was laughing. i was like, this is intangibly funny. >> well, you know.

canadians are very self-deprecating in that regard, yes. >> mike: so your movies, obviously, "austin powers" and "wayne's world" are classics. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, beyond, beyond. >> thank you. >> mike: the stuff of legend. then you did vignettes in super bowl commercials. >> yes. >> mike: so funny. >> thank you. >> mike: you have three kids? >> three kids. 10, 8, and 6. the 10-year-old is, you know -- he likes my stuff, thank god. >> mike: that's nice. >> my 8-year-old and my 6-year-old, not so much. [ laughter ] not giant fans. but they're new yorkers, you know? so it's very hard, you know. i have new yorker kids. so it's sort of like, you know, i'll say something like, you have to go to bed now. and my youngest still has baby rs. she goes, "you're bowwing." what? i didn't expect that. yeah. i wrote a book about canada called "mike myers' canada."

she reached back, "your book is bowwing." [ laughter ] "your essence is bowwing." "your body of work is bowwing." "canada's bowwing." yeah, not a fan. [ laughter ] which is tough. my oldest is a fan. but being a new yorker, a new york kid, just a little more sophisticated. i read him a book, a bedtime story, and he went, "dad, i have a question." i thought, here it comes. i thought, why is the sky blue? he went, "do you think there's going to be a fourth austin powers?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: that's what we're all wondering. >> yeah, yeah. and i said, "get off my back, kid!" [ laughter ] no, i said, "there might be, i'd like to." he goes, "i have some thoughts." [ laughter ] >> mike: lots of thoughts. >> yeah, he wanted dr. evil's lair to be in the sewer. [ laughter ] and i'm like, "i like it. i'll never forget where i was

when i thought of it, kid." [ laughter ] there's only one star in a mike myers movie, that's mike myers, kid! [ laughter ] >> mike: you've always had to -- your parents exposed you to cultural things when you were younger and it sort of affected all your work, this vast kind of amount of references and things. do you feel like you show your kids certain things and not certain things? >> no, i try and expose them -- like i said, they're -- expose. wow, my throat. wow. [ laughter ] i show them "wayne's world." >> mike: oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> and my youngest, who knows nothing of nothing, when it kicks into the rocking part? ♪ dum dum dum dum ♪ is that genetic? what the hell? [ laughter ] she's like, "i like that part, the rest of it's a little bowwing." [ laughter and applause ] >> mike: do your kids watch "shrek"? >> they watch "shrek." they don't like it.

they like "cat in the hat." [ audience moans ] no, it's awful. my son went to "american dream." you know, the thing in new jersey. that thing. it's got a giant shrek. he's got a phone now and he takes a picture of him with the giant shrek behind him. like this. [ laughter ] stink face. i'm like, i'm sorry. >> mike: there's this viral -- >> do you like your shoes? those are the shoes that shrek bought. [ laughter ] no, i don't say that. come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: this is a viral thing. this is al pacino. he has a shrek phone case. one more reason he's a legend. [ cheers and applause ] it's so funny. and then we -- they made one here at the show. >> oh, yay. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: that's a nice shrek case for you, that's a gift for you. >> oh, thank you. i met al pacino once.

and -- so this is crazy. there's a shrek case. but i was so -- i was at a charity event. and it was like the most famous people in the world, you know? and i still am -- part of me is just an idiot from the suburbs of toronto when i go to these things. and it was like -- literally like madame tussauds, then i got sat next to al pacino. and i didn't know -- you know, what do you say? he's a legend. there was a lull in the conversation. and al pacino went, "let's see what's in my pockets." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] pulled out his pockets. "i got a driver's license. i got a bit of string." and i said, "al, in there is a card that says, my name is al pacino and i'm a nut." [ laughter ] he's like, "you kid, you're crazy, you're crazy." he loved it, gave me a noogie. hanging out with al pacino. [ laughter ] >> mike: i think al pacino is --

>> it's kind of genius, you know? "let's see what's in my pockets." >> mike: i think al pacino's let's see what's in my pockets is his version of, it's bowwing. [ laughter ] >> yes, exactly. it's true. >> mike: this is what we made for you here at the show. this is al pacino in "scarface." we have gifts. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with more mike myers after this!

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now with speeds up to 5-gigs. limited availability. under district attorney gascón, i prosecuted car break-ins. all repeat offenders, often in organized crime rings. but when chesa boudin took office, he dissolved the unit and stopped me from collaborating with the police on my cases. now home and car break-ins are on the rise because repeat offenders know they can get away with it. chesa boudin is failing to do his job. there's a better way to keep san francisco safe. recall chesa boudin now.

there's a deepening sense of crisis running through these walls. one hesitates to mention the demetrius protocols. >> the demetrius protocols? >> the demetrius protocols? >> the demetrius protocols? >> sounds like fun! >> no, no, no. demetrius protocols is doomsday plan. should pentiverate fall into nefarious hands. >> we'll kill ourselves using cyanide pills. >> is not good. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: so funny.

"pentaverate" on netflix. it just occurred to me, i remember you years ago you saying you don't watch yourself. is that true? >> yes, torture. >> mike: even just now? what was that? >> i was like, mm -- [ laughter ] i don't know. no, i'm tortured by -- every aspect of anything i do. >> mike: i have to say, it is -- watching you play these eight characters on the show, i'm going -- mesmerized going, how does he keep them apart from each other? how do you keep -- there's eight darn characters. >> well, i've done a lot of characters in my whole career. i did a lot of characters at second city in chicago and toronto when i was, you know, starting out. then on "saturday night live" you could do four or five sketches of different characters. so it's not much of a stretch for me. i had a fantastic director, tim kirkby, a genius from england. he did a fantastic job of just creating a great playground for me to play in. >> mike: someone said your brother --

>> my brother played me as the other characters. >> mike: wow. >> and my brother, paul myers, super, super funny. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: i followed him on twitter for years. >> i'm the youngest of three. both my brothers are super hilarious. it's always been me, "hey, guys, wait up!" he writes. he just wrote a book about "the kids in the hall" that became a documentary. he's in toronto right now promoting that. and i said to him, look, this is crazy. but do you have a month off? i would love for you to play me and the other characters. he's done it once before. he was frozen austin. >> mike: we've got to show this. >> which is hilarious. >> mike: this is outrageous. [ laughter ] [ applause ] the ultimate masochistic brother move is make him a frozen version of you. >> he did a great job. but i said, it's going to have a lot more to do than that this time. it was great because my kids came out, they got to see uncle

paul. one of the greatest summers ever. when do you get to hang out with your brother for like a full month when you're grown up? he did a fantastic job. i like his characters better than mine. [ applause ] >> mike: that's so sweet. i was reading that you were painting. >> yes. >> mike: at a certain point in the pandemic you were painting queen elizabeth? >> i became obsessed with her majesty the queen, yes. [ laughter ] as i am. you can't help it. when you grow up in canada, it's on the money, at the hockey rink, at every airport. it will be a very, very sad day when she is no longer the queen. >> mike: these are incredible, these are like the real deal. >> oh, thank you. >> mike: gorgeous. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's one. this is one. >> mike: i mean, they're really beautiful. >> thank you. covid was very, very hard. i was very, very lucky i got to

hang out with my kids. that's sort of what i've been up to the last ten years. i've really not, you know -- when my wife, kelly, got pregnant, i got a fantastic call from adam sandler out of the blue, who's the loveliest man. he said, do you know that feeling? he said, congratulations, congratulations. you know that feeling when you fall in love at 12 and your ribs ache? it's going to be like that every day. it really has been. he said, the days are long but the years are short. and i really took that to heart. >> mike: aww. >> i've done projects that didn't take me away from home. but two years ago kelly was like, you know what, you are itching to make something, go make something. [ laughter and applause ] >> mike: yeah, yeah. "the pentaverate" premieres may 5th on netflix. thank you, mike myers. you're a legend, so cool. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with iliza shlesinger! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ging around.

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fanduel and draftkings, two out of state corporations making big promises to californians. what's the real math behind their ballot measure for online sports betting? 90% of profits go to the out of state corporations permanently. only eight and a half cents is left for the homeless. and in virginia, arizona, and other states, fanduel and draftkings use loopholes to pay far less than was promised. sound familiar? it should. it's another bad scheme for california. welcome back. we have music from the black crowes on the way. our next guest is a very funny person who's generated five stand-up comedy specials and

just recently, a baby. you can see her perform at "netflix is a joke festival" friday at the orpheum theater in los angeles. please welcome iliza shlesinger. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> mike: how are you? >> i feel like i'm supposed to be an empowered woman, but i can only walk. >> mike: oh my gosh. you know, we saw each other last on "instagram live." raising money for comedy club waitstaff. >> yes. >> mike: spring 2020, this thing called "tip your waitstaff." we spent an hour on instagram live together. >> i treasure that memory. i treasure all of those appearances on instagram in covid, yeah. [ laughter ] >> mike: you're super busy, you're on tour.

you wrote this book that comes out soon. >> i did. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: you're taping your sixth, sixth, count 'em, comedy special. then you had a child, a baby child. >> yes. i had a baby child. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: one of these baby childs i've been hearing about. >> a baby child, yeah. my sixth netflix special, we're taping it in a couple of months. i actually had my daughter in july. that's not true. why would i say that? [ laughter ] >> mike: we're trying to spread misinformation about iliza's children to throw people off the scent. [ laughter ] >> does it make me a bad parent that i have to take a beat to remember her birthday? [ laughter ] can we just be real about it? not my birthday, her birthday. [ laughter ] >> mike: no, same. april? 24? 4/24? mnemonic devices. >> they can't fact check that she doesn't know anyone. [ laughter ] she was born in january. and my tour dates picked up six weeks after. and you know, you're rescheduling in the wake of covid, grabbing all the dates you can.

i was like, let's induce to make sure she's on time, and hopefully in six weeks i'm not a bloody sac, and i wasn't. [ laughter and applause ] >> mike: we're going to unpack that, hold on, hold on. >> bloody sac. horrible. >> mike: i heard all of that. we're going to go through each word one by one. [ laughter ] >> this is what you do, you break down jokes, let's do it. >> mike: yeah, yeah. first of all, you induced -- >> i did. >> mike: -- so that you could go on tour? [ laughter ] >> i did. >> mike: this is not a thing. >> when you're a woman, it is. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: that is so not something i've heard of. >> it wasn't like, oh, your baby's a week old, let's go. it was, your first baby is often late. and so i had the due date. and i was like, let's hit that date because if she's late, i can't push back those tour dates because people will riot. [ laughter ] >> mike: right. >> they've been holding on to tickets for two years. in some cases they bought tickets for relationships they're not even in anymore. >> mike: oh my god, that's so true.

[ laughter ] >> right? >> mike: didn't occur to me. >> i've got to be there. if i can't, i won't. but while i have a chance, let's try it. she was very accommodating, she's a very good baby. [ laughter ] >> mike: i heard that about her. but i heard she was born in july, so you can't believe what you read. [ laughter ] what's her name? >> sierra may. [ applause ] thank you. >> mike: you're winning with this crowd left and right. >> also, you have to. if we showed a picture, which i wouldn't do, you have to say something nice. and i feel like parents are always primed for compliments. whatever you show me, if i said, "she looks tall." every parent's like, "she is tall, for her weight, she's tall." [ laughter ] "isn't she beautiful?" "she's an angel." you have to. [ laughter ] >> mike: how are you finding being a parent? >> i'm loving it. i will say, there is some truth -- first of all, the second she was born, as a woman you're imbued with all the knowledge and feelings your mother had. so in that moment i was like, oh my god, i get what my mom was

talking about. all the times you leave the house without a jacket and you're like, chill out, mom. this woman's just trying to keep you alive. [ laughter ] and your heart gets bigger. >> mike: yeah. >> i'm a stand-up, we're a tough breed. but after i had her, we're watching "inglourious basterds." >> mike: wait. [ laughter ] wait, you are with your child? or just you? >> i don't know if she was there. [ laughter ] we have a nanny. she was in -- i don't know if she was in the other room. we were watching -- me and my husband were watching "inglourious basterds." and normally i'm like, yeah, bash a nazi's head in, great, let's do it. this time i went, "that nazi has a mother." [ laughter ] >> mike: yes, of course, of course. >> you start to forget things and people make fun of moms. like oh, mom jokes, whatever. it is a thing. you forget 80% of the information. and i felt so bad. i always made fun of my mom. one time my mom said, "who's that actor, the polish actor, john krasinski."

and i'm like, "the polish actor?" [ laughter ] that's how you're describing him? >> mike: yes, the great polish john krasinski. [ laughter ] your husband is a chef. i followed this on instagram. how long have you been married? >> it will be four years may 12th. i remember that date. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. >> jimmy: well done, well done. >> yeah. oh my god. my thought was, no, that's not your anniversary, that's the date you got married. that was my thought just now. [ laughter ] it's our fourth anniversary. what i'm realizing is -- because people -- how long have you been married? >> mike: oh-oh. [ laughter ] >> a long time? >> mike: we're going to cut this. [ laughter ] we got married in 2008. i had to do the math, 14 years. >> math is hard. people are -- because you're probably out of the phase where people ask you how you're finding married life. but i'm at four years so people are still asking me. "oh, any marital advice?" i realized what marriage is. at four years of marriage,

marriage is, every morning for the rest of your life, waking up to someone and having to hear a full report of how they slept. [ laughter ] >> mike: that's very funny. that is so funny. >> and you have to act interested. >> mike: yeah, yeah. >> otherwise you're a monster. and so my husband doesn't sleep well. and i know this. every morning i wake up, i'm just like -- "how did you sleep?" >> mike: yeah, yeah, sure. [ laughter ] >> he's like, "not well." and then i have to be like, "maybe we should see a doctor." or you could just die already! [ moans and laughter ] [ applause ] >> mike: wow, things are really going south. by the way, i have a serious sleepwalking disorder. so when i wake up, she tells me how i slept. [ laughter ] i'm thrilled for your show this week. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> mike: iliza shlesinger at the orpheum theater in los angeles! we'll be back with music from the black crowes.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by mercedes eq. all electric, all mercedes. ♪ ♪ ♪ from the mountains to the coast, ♪ ♪ el estado with the most. ♪ ♪ we do tacos from the city to every little town. ♪ ♪ best bites. best vibes. ♪ ♪ california, hands down. ♪ ♪ go on and check my drip. ♪

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>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by mercedes eq. all electric, all mercedes. >> mike: that is all the time we have. i'd like to thank mike myers and iliza shlesinger. [ cheers and applause ] i will be back tomorrow with ewan mcgregor, ben schwartz, and music from the head & the heart. "nightline" is next but first, their ep is called "1972." here with the classic "papa was a rolling stone," the black crowes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ it was the third of september that day ♪

♪ i'll always remember yes i will cause that was the day ♪ ♪ that my daddy died yeah i never got a chance to see him ♪ ♪ never heard nothing but bad things about him momma i'm depending on you ♪ ♪ to tell me the truth momma just hung her head and said ♪ ♪ papa was a rolling stone wherever he laid his hat was his home ♪ ♪ and when he died all he left us was alone papa was a rolling stone ♪ ♪ wherever he laid his hat was his home and when he died ♪ ♪ all he left us was alone ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ hey momma i heard papa called ♪ ♪ himself a jack-of-all-trades tell me is that ♪ ♪ what sent papa to an early grave folks say papa would beg ♪ ♪ borrow steal just to pay his bills yeah hey momma huh ♪ ♪ folks say papa never too big on thinking spent most of his time ♪ ♪ chasing women and drinking momma i'm depending on you to tell me the truth ♪ ♪ momma looked up with a tear in her eye and said son ♪ ♪ papa was a rolling stone wherever he laid his hat was his home ♪ ♪ and when he died all he left

us was alone i said papa was ♪ ♪ a rolling stone wherever he laid his hat was his home ♪ ♪ and when he died all he left us was alone one more time ♪ ♪ papa was a rolling stone wherever he laid his hat was his home ♪ ♪ and when he died all he left us was alone ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, false confession. a little girl's murder. >> she suffered seven stab wounds in the neck. >> the prime suspect, a 12-year-old boy, interrogated for 80 minutes alone. >> you stabbed her in the woods. could you just say yes or no? >> yes. wait, no. >> was the confession coerced? >> why did you confess to this? >> i was confused. i did not kill devan. >> john quinones tracking this more than 20 years as the boy journeyed to manhood and to justice. >> is this something you want to forget? >> i don't want to forget. i want to be able to move forward from it.