from all of >> lou: tonight, it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, dana carvey with science bob pflugfelder. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: appreciate that. thank you. very nice. welcome. thanks. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching and thank you for joining us on a -- well, i'm glad you're in a good mood. [ cheers and applause ] i was wondering, because this is

a day that -- i don't know what word to use to describe it here. shocking? unfathomable? stupefying? yes, a stupefying day in our nation's history. the senate this afternoon took a vote on whether women should have the right to choose to have an abortion. the bill would have guaranteed pro-choice rights nationwide. it did not pass. it needed 60 votes. it only got 49. even though a strong majority of american voters want those rights protected, every democrat voted in favor of the bill except joe manchin, who voted with his fellow republicans. [ laughter ] with the supreme court likely to overturn roe v. wade, the democrats wanted to get their counterparts on the record opposing it. chuck schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where republicans stand. turns out, they're standing in the year 1865. [ laughter ] it almost feels like maybe we shouldn't have let the host of "celebrity apprentice" pick three supreme court justices. you know? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it almost makes you wish that for the last four years we had a president who believed in letting women make decisions for

themselves. a man like this guy. >> i'm -- i'm very pro-choice. i hate the concept of abortion. i hate it. i hate everything it stands for. i cringe when i listen to people debating the subject. but you still -- i just believe in choice. but i am strongly for choice. and yet i hate the concept of abortion. >> but you would not ban it? >> no. >> jimmy: yeah, he must have shot that before eric was born. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that don jr./eric one-two punch really changed his thinking on that. i never imagined it would actually come to this. that we would go so far backwards. and there was some five star nonsense happening on the senate floor. steve daines, the republican senator from montana, presented an argument that seems to have been gotten from an old saturday morning cartoon. >> if you look at federal law, if you were to take or destroy the eggs of a sea turtle, and i said the eggs.

not the hatchlings. that's also a penalty. but the eggs. the criminal penalties are severe. up to $100,000 fine and a year in prison. now, why? why do we have laws in place that protect the eggs of a sea turtle or the eggs of eagles? because when you destroy an egg, you're killing a preborn baby sea turtle or a preborn baby eagle. >> jimmy: okay, now i have some visual aids to explain just how dumb that was. [ laughter ] hello, i'm a sea turtle. and i can't believe i need to say this, but we aren't human beings! now, i know some of you might look like us. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but sea turtles are an endangered species. humans are not. and if a mama sea turtle doesn't want to have a baby, there's no old white guy from montana telling her she has to. she just lays her eggs in the sand and crawls away.

and unlike people, mama sea turtles don't have to work to support their babies. or feed them. or drive them to school. >> and what about cases of rape? >> oh, eagle, you know that doesn't happen to eagles or turtles. [ laughter ] >> okay. can i eat your eggs? >> oh, no, please don't. but the next time you fly over montana, will you take a big poop on steve daines? [ laughter ] >> yes, i will. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's very simple, right? now i got these on. [ laughter ] even around half of republicans believe the right to have an abortion should be protected by law. this could, and should, be a big issue ahead of the midterms, which are now less than six months away. but the issues themselves don't matter much anymore. what matters is that you make sure everyone knows that you are pro-life. pro-human life. with notable exceptions.

>> inflation is skyrocketing. putin is out of control. and brandon is asleep at the wheel. but the gop has a plan. and that plan is -- guns. to shoot our problems in the head. we're shooting at beer bottles. into the woods. at nancy pelosi impersonators. >> the good people of arizona have had enough of you! >> at dominion voting machines. >> i'm ron hanks and i approve this message. >> this guy even has a cannon. >> fire! >> still technically a gun. women with guns. kids with guns. old ladies with guns. evening, madam governor. >> no step too high for a high stepper. >> we have tv doctors with guns. >> some people say i won't support guns, they're dead wrong. pull! >> oops. your republican party 2022. sun's out, guns out.

>> jimmy: i'm sure there's a miracle salve you can rub on that. [ applause ] everything is crazy now. we keep learning more about our former president during his 48 years in office. according to "rolling stone," trump in 2019 asked his national security team an interesting question. he wanted to know whether china was creating hurricanes and shooting them at us. [ laughter ] and we're so used to it, it barely even registers anymore. to sound the alarm on the fact - that the president of the united states was asking if china was making hurricanes to attack us. we're just now hearing about it. no one felt it was important to share that. and what did his advisors even say? did they lick a finger, put it in the air, and say, "yes, feels like a homemade china hurricane to me." [ laughter ] a former white house official said "it was almost too stupid for words." which see, that's what trump should be printing on his hats. right? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

i love that he's focused on hurricanes. because no person in history is more obsessed with wind. donald trump hates wind. i assume because of his hair. before he was president, trump's whole identity was that golden rat's nest on his head. [ laughter ] wind is the culprit behind photos like these. [ laughter ] the wind is his enemy, he's against the wind, like bob seger. even against windmills because they have the word "wind" in their name. >> sir, it is so windy out there. it was raining and windy. the wind was blowing and the rain, and i was soaking wet. it's windy as hell out there. that wind is hitting me hard. the wind was right smack in my face. it was so windy. the wind was coming right into my face. i have the wind, i'm freezing my ass off. i'm all up here and that wind is blowing. that wind is pouring in as i'm talking, it's pouring in up the mouth, up the nose. it was blowing so hard. the wind was blowing so hard. it was blowing right in my face. the wind was howling. a little wind.

two miles an hour. 30-mile-an-hour winds. with the wind blowing at 40 miles an hour. 50 miles an hour. the wind came in 58 miles an hour. 70 miles an hour. 200 miles an hour. wind. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. that symbol he does with his hair growth. [ applause ] this out now. i would like to hear trump's reaction to this tape. one guy who goes whichever way the wind blows is lindsey graham. there's newly leaked audio of senator graham, recorded on january 6th, just after the attack on the capitol. it reveals an angry lindsey, clearly looking forward to the calming presence of joe biden. >> it's a great event. what this does, it may be a rally effect for a while for the country, says we're better than this. >> biden will help that, right? >> totally, he'll be maybe the best person to have, right? i mean, how mad can you get at joe biden? >> jimmy: i don't know.

[ laughter ] ask the animals who keep calling him brandon, i guess. senator graham has not commented on the tape yet. you know you're a crappy person when somebody damages your reputation by recording you being nice. [ laughter ] once the smoke cleared, it took no time for lindsey to get right back to licking trump's golf shoes and beating biden up. >> joe biden scared the hell out of me, looked weak as commander in chief. putin owns biden. biden's afraid of escalation. he's afraid of making putin mad. bden is afraid of putin. joe biden is responsible for the rise of isis as much as any single american politician. get off your ass and go to the border and look and see what you have caused. he has blood on his hands and he's made america less safe and he's been the most consistently wrong man on foreign policy in my lifetime. >> jimmy: the reason he does this, as we all know, is because lindsey graham's spine is made of twizzler. [ laughter ] the strawberry one.

meanwhile, mike pence was at rice university yesterday to complain about the high price of gas. >> i often say one of the great parts about no longer being vice president is i get to drive my own car. one of the worst parts is i get to pay for my own gas. i was visiting my daughter. and my unworthy son-in-law. who's a navy pilot in california. and i did the father-in-law thing. i said, let me take your truck down to the gas station and fill it up before we leave. $6 a gallon in california. i almost had to take out a mortgage. >> jimmy: he delivers his speeches like a comedian, like he's waiting for the laughs. [ laughter ] but then they don't ever come. [ laughter ] so we thought we might do him a favor, throw him a little funnybone. >> i often say that one of the great parts about no longer being vice president is i get to drive my own car. [ laughter ] one of the worst parts is i get to pay for my own gas.

[ laughter ] i was actually visiting my daughter. and my unworthy son-in-law. [ laughter ] who's a navy pilot in california. and i did the father-in-law thing. i said, let me take your truck down to the gas station and fill it up, you know, before we leave. [ laughter ] $6 a gallon in california. i almost had to take out a mortgage. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: get that man a netflix special and glass of milk! [ cheers and applause ] bill gates announced yesterday that he tested positive for covid. apparently he forgot to update his virus protection. [ rim shot ] thank you. [ laughter ] for whatever dingbat reason, a lot of the anti-vax crowd sees this as some kind of validation. including tucker carlson, who could barely contain his glee. >> today, the unthinkable

happened. bill gates announced on twitter, and we're quoting, i've tested positive for covid. >> jimmy: does he realize whenever he does that impression he sounds like he's imitating himself? [ laughter ] this ought to get tucker's tighty whities in a twist. barbie is getting a hearing aid. that's right. in an attempt to be inclusive, mattel is rolling out barbie dolls with various physical conditions. one of those conditions is hearing loss. which means barbie will come with hearing aids. which is an amazing step towards inclusion that your child will immediately swallow. [ cheers and applause ] i didn't know this, but apparently barbie lost her hearing after her owner's little brother taped a firecracker to her head. [ laughter ] have you seen the new "doctor strange" movie? [ cheers and applause ] almost everyone on planet earth has. it's already made more than half a billion dollars worldwide. and as you know, whenever a very big movie comes out, we send our in-house critic to give it a look.

and we've done it again. here's our own sorcerer supreme, yehya, talking about "doctor strange in the multiverse of madness." >> hi, it's me, yehya. talk about the new movie today behind me. the movie, action, "doctor stranger." about the brain, you know. >> the nightmare begins. >> do you know the guy, like he have magic with the hand and the fire? he fight with actor bruce? the actor in that movie "bentis comprosi." and "undercover sharlief holmes." and the movie, he's the dragon, the dragon "smoke." like whoo, whoo. he take the fire. >> the illuminati will see you now. >> the guy in that movie too,

his name "canda shorvy." he's in the running "running from white people." >> this is going to be fun. >> yeah, she have the tv show "magic woman." she love the robot. she have two famous sisters, mary-kins and carrie in the show "full house" with the greek guy, i forget his name now, john -- john -- john cena. this guy, he do the magic in the movie. you know like they do, the buzzer, the first guy's name victory, the other guy bert. one of them, the tiger eat his face. >> i don't even want to know! >> what do you want to know about the multiverse? >> spoiler alert, spoiler alert, spoiler alert! i don't understand anything for that movie. go see the movie. is good movie. magic hole! bye! [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: thank you, yehya. we've got a fun show for you tonight. "science bob" pflugfelder is here. [ cheers and applause ] with experiments. and we'll be right back with dana carvey so stick around!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight, here to amaze us with incredible feats of chemistry and physics, "science bob" pflugfelder is with us. [ cheers and applause ] he is a man, if you are not familiar with his work, who does things like this. >> trust the science, there we go! >> wow, that's beautiful. >> jimmy: yeah, it's going to be fun and it's going to be a mess to clean up. [ laughter ] tomorrow night on our show, jerrod carmichael and james hong. with music from the black keys. join us for that. our first guest became a household name on "saturday night live," playing everyone from president bush to the church lady and either hans or franz. i'm still not exactly sure. you can hear him and david spade reminisce with "snl" cast members and hosts on the weekly podcast "fly on the wall." new episodes premiere wednesdays. please welcome dana carvey.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> wow! i didn't expect that. >> jimmy: i can't believe i've never met you. >> i know. >> jimmy: you've never been here. >> everyone i know knows you, they love you. i go, why are you loving him, what's the big deal? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> no -- that was my first joke. >> jimmy: can't wait to hear the answer. >> all those years i was raising my kids in the woods in northern california. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i knew jay leno from the club so i would perfunctorily go on his show. he would call me at home. you come on, you do your stuff, it's okay. you know we got a good show down there in burbank, maybe you'll come down for a while, you know? i mean, you know. dave gets the money, i get the

numbers, it doesn't matter. [ laughter ] hi, jay! >> jimmy: yeah. >> conan, who i met when he came out of college, you know, i started doing his show. but there were times i was booked, then they said you were dark. i go, what is he, depressed? [ laughter ] now it's the greatest show in hollywood, i love this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dana, you know that -- >> this is just an awesome -- >> jimmy: it's not like a marriage, you're allowed to do the other shows. in any event, i'm thrilled that you're here. >> thank you. i just got a look at me. oh, this is me at blah, blah, blah, you know. i love it. i'm mature now. >> jimmy: yeah, but you look like exactly the same. except you have more hair on your face, really. >> i know. the women like this. i mean, my wife got tired of having sex with howdy doody. [ laughter ] i had a baby face for a long time. it didn't help in the bedroom. but they like the scruff, you're not a girl! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your cohost, your pal, david spade, was here a couple of months ago. >> yes.

>> jimmy: talking about this podcast you do together. >> "fly on the wall." me and david spade. >> jimmy: a great idea for a hot podcast. >> it's a seminal experience in people's lives. no matter where you went before or after, being on live television in new york on that show, you never forget it. it's so weird. >> jimmy: you have people who hosted the show, people who worked on the show. do you have people who are just in the audience on the show? >> what you mean -- oh, we would. i think we'll branch out. we would have fans on. fans. >> jimmy: that's the extent of my "saturday night live" experience. >> you never hosted? >> jimmy: oh, no, no, no. no. >> oh, come on. >> jimmy: jay leno wouldn't allow it. [ laughter ] >> jay did it once. i said, how about jimmy? characters?"w, does he do any - [ laughter ] i think he would. i love working with spade. i've known him since he was 19. i raised him as one of my own. >> jimmy: he said you guys lived together for a while? ♪ beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

he is such a sound effect machine. >> jimmy: yeah. whoo! beyoo! we lived in beachwood canyon in a really dumpy place. my wife and i lived on top of the garage. there wasn't even a roof, we were just up there -- no, there was a hot plate. i got on "snl," frequentily, we were living in a dump to save money to buy a house. i got on "snl." kevin nealon, i'm out in new york. this is lorne michaels. "we could use one more cast member, maybe chevy who's sort of tall." that's what he said. >> jimmy: really? >> i said, i know a really funny tall guy. kevin came in the studio, he got the show. >> jimmy: wow. >> spade moved into our little brother from another mother, moves into kevin nealon's room. then when kevin was so nice, he'd come back from "snl" and spade would take his room, he'd sleep on the couch. >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> "sorry, buddy, got to snooze and beyoo!"

[ applause ] i'm going to do spade all night. >> jimmy: does david like when it you imitate him? >> david is very chill about anything. he's very gentle and very chill. >> jimmy: does anyone imitate you? >> no one can do me. i'm like an invisible person, i don't have a face, i don't have a voice. i don't really exist as a human being. that's why the scruff and the glasses. i need infrastructure. [ laughter ] my face is -- i'm like the invisible man, my face is receding into my skull. i need scaffolding. but that way you can put stuff on me. like john lovitz, the great john lovitz, he'd be on "snl" -- >> jimmy: everyone needs to applaud or john's going to be upset. [ cheers and applause ] >> hello! he'll call me tomorrow. "hear them? they applauded!" [ laughter ] john is a true character. they put prosthetic makeup on him on "saturday night live." he'd come up to me, "can you tell who it is?" "yes, john, i can."

but i'm a very -- i can just put something on me, put a nose, a face, give me an accent. >> jimmy: it is remarkable, really amazing, the stuff that you do. >> well, thank you. >> jimmy: the presidents -- what was the first president you did? were you a kid when you started doing presidents? >> yeah, like as a very little kid, i remember doing a little bit of jfk. we don't do it because it's easy, we did it because it's haaard! that was an easy entry a little bit. i did lbj a bit. >> jimmy: really? >> i was a performing kid. >> jimmy: wow. >> also introverted. i did reagan, everyone dd reagan. what would reagan do with ukraine? what do you want to do, mr. president? well, i say fire away. [ laughter ] with everything we've got. and then call them and see if they're still there. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it's not the best reagan, it's a flukily, i got cast as the president. george bush sr. took me a year,

i couldn't do it at all. >> jimmy: really? >> because there was nothing there. "hi, i'm a president, how are you?" so i had to invent a character, extenuate it. i started just watching him. he would do this thing, "well, we're out there, kind of careful, doing that thing out there in that whole area." and that was al franken and i. we got it, that's it! that thing, that area. four years later i'm just like, "got to do it." mugging it up. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's interesting. for a lot of people, probably myself included, whoever is doing the president on "saturday night live," that is the president. >> yes. >> jimmy: you think that's them. >> that's the bully pulpit for a comedian. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you have that spot, like james austin johnson does now. >> jimmy: he does trump on "saturday night live." >> a brilliant trump. >> jimmy: he does. >> he was on our "fly on the wall" podcast. austin. james austin johnson. [ applause ]

what i did, because i'm kind of fascinated by -- i realize, because i wanted to -- i said that trump can really talk. i saw him earlier on your show. he doesn't say anything. it's just, he has these weird phrases. so i had james do them. can i do a couple of them? >> jimmy: sure, yeah. >> trump with no real sentence structure. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> frankly, let me tell you, you're going to be seeing a lot of it, that i can tell you. i mean, when you look at it and you look, it didn't work out so great for so many of these people, and you're seeing it all over the place. many people are saying, we don't want -- we're not those people, we don't do that, okay? so you look at what they're doing, you look at all of it, and people are very disappointed like you wouldn't believe. because it's a terrible deal, really a bad deal, and we're going to be doing something very soon and you're going to be happy, you're going to be seeing you're going to be happy like you wouldn't believe. that's trump. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dana carvey, unbelievable. we'll be right back with dana after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by avocado green mattress. organic mattresses, starting at $699. what's with the double mcnuggets? oh, this one's my backup in case something happens to the first one. mmm. see. buy one favorite like 10 piece chicken mcnuggets and get another for just a buck right now at mcdonald's. ♪ it's a lovely day today ♪ and get another for just a buck ♪ so whatever you've got to do ♪

♪ you've got a lovely day to do it in, that's true ♪ [ chuckling ] ♪ and i hope whatever you've got to do ♪ ♪ is something that... ♪ [ music stops ] [ beeping ] cars built with safety in mind, even for those guys. the volkswagen atlas with standard front assist. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ thousands of women with metastatic breast cancer... are living in the moment and taking ibrance. ibrance with an aromatase inhibitor is for postmenopausal women or for men with hr+/her2-

metastatic breast cancer as the first hormonal based therapy. ibrance plus letrozole significantly delayed disease progression versus letrozole. ibrance may cause low white blood cell counts that may lead to serious infections. ibrance may cause severe inflammation of the lungs. both of these can lead to death. tell your doctor if you have new or worsening chest pain, cough, or trouble breathing. before taking ibrance, tell your doctor if you have fever, chills, or other signs of infection,... liver or kidney problems, are or plan to become pregnant, or are breastfeeding. for more information about side effects talk to your doctor. be in your moment. fantastic! ask your doctor about ibrance. fantastic! meet apartment 2a, 2b and 2c. 2a's monitoring his money with a simple text. like what you see abe? yes! 2b's covered with zero overdraft fees when he overdraws his account by fifty bucks or less.

and 2c, well, she's not going to let a lost card get her stressed. am i right? that's right. that's because these neighbors all have chase. alerts that help check. tools that help protect. one bank that puts you in control. chase. make more of what's yours. big tobacco's cigarette butts filter practically nothing and are made of microplastic fibers that are toxic and cunning. they may seep into water and food, and air, too. and the smaller microplastics get, the more damage they do. could they end up in you, your bodies, their prey? new studies indicate possible links to mutations in dna. an evil lie with a future's worth of harm. to the world, now you know. so sound the alarm. for state controller, only yiu will save to the taxpayers money.now. wait, who, me? me? no, not you. yvonne yiu. yvonne yiu. not me. good choice. for 25 years, yiu worked as an executive at top financial firms.

managed hundreds of audits. as mayor, she saved taxpayers over $55 million. finding waste. saving money. because... yiu is for you. yiu is for you. exactly. yvonne yiu. democrat for controller. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we are back with dana carvey. he's got a podcast with david spade called "fly on the wall." they are focused on "saturday night live." >> yeah. >> jimmy: they have the people from "saturday night live." >> yeah, we are -- one of our great writers, jim downey, episode today. we've had bill hader.

>> jimmy: that's great, jim downey, for the comedy nerds, that's exciting. >> one of the greatest writers in the history of "saturday night live" or anywhere. he also, when i did the george bush sr. thing, he was kind of my right-hand man, franken and him. i had two really brilliant people helping me with that impression. >> jimmy: isn't it strange now to think, yeah, i had a guy who was a senator from minnesota writing jokes for me. >> i know. and al was always really political. and he informed those sketches. because he was totally steeped in politics and knew every angle. but we were, you know -- kind of an equal opportunity thing. when bush was riding high, ratings 70%, we played him as this happy guy who couldn't lose. well, things are going up for bush, berlin wall, after bush, no wall. so it was kind of like, the joke was how great he was doing. then it got rougher later. >> jimmy: i want to ask about something that's not related to "saturday night live." >> anything. >> jimmy: a sitcom you did in 1982. >> oh no. >> jimmy: this is quite a lineup. it's called -- >> "one of the boys."

nathan lane, mickey rooney, a famous human being. >> jimmy: and that's you. >> that's me. [ applause ] >> jimmy: mickey rooney is really -- now nathan lane is one of these people you meet, oh, that's the greatest person i've met in my life. >> the funniest, naturally funniest -- and mickey loved nathan. >> jimmy: did he? >> wasn't sure about me. >> jimmy: is that right? >> mickey was the craziest person i ever met. brilliant, but -- he had a .38 revolver he'd wave around, "they're not going to get me, if they come for me i'll plug 'em!" [ laughter ] he was out of his mind. you'd be coming down the hallway, he said this every day about his former glory. "i was the number one star in the world." then he would go, "you hear me? bang! the world!" [ laughter and applause ] you can't write it. >> jimmy: what makes it even funnier, i think we all --

growing up, you think of mickey prooney as this old man. i looked it up, he was only 62 years old in this photograph. [ laughter ] he'd already lost his marbles completely. >> yeah, we're bringing this up, i was a fledgling stand-up, got a small deal with nbc. they called me and they said, "we want you to play mickey rooney's grandson." "where's it tape?" "new york, rockefeller center." i ended up working in rockefeller center on the sixth floor. eighth floor was "saturday night live." i would ask -- i would get up there on thursdays. i'd sit in the bleachers. i'd watch eddie murphy, i'd watch joe piscopo rehearse. i'd think, damn, i really, really want to get up two floors. it took me six years. i ended up there. [ cheers and applause ] it's surreal. isn't that weird? >> jimmy: did you go straight from the sixth floor to the eighth floor? did you make a stop on the seventh along the way?

>> no, i went to the 17th, i think. then i went down to the eighth like you wouldn't believe, it didn't work out, many people are saying, i can tell you that i can promise you that you're going to be happy, jimmy. [ laughter ] i think that life is like that. the longer you live, all these different cycles and circles. sort of ironic, weird, bizarre stuff happens. >> jimmy: it's crazy that it took anyone that long to figure out that you would be fantastic on "saturday night live." isn't it strange, if you think about it? objectively. >> well, you know, i was developing stand-up on the side. but you could see by that picture, i was really cute at that age. >> jimmy: yeah, you look like dorothy hamill. [ laughter ] >> i had the pageboy. i kept being cast as the innocent, nice guy. i didn't have the confidence to turn it down. okay, i'll be that. other people would say, no, i'm going to be the king of comedy. but i was too -- and i did "blue thunder" with james ferrentino. i was in the helicopter, clinton wonderlove.

i had lines like "i'm jamming, i'm jamming!" my name was jaffo, he was not having a good time in life, he had a styrofoam cup this big in the fake chopper. he went to do something so i wanted to take a sip of water, it was straight vodka. he was out of his mind, just yelling at people, "i'm insane!" like mickey rooney again. i've worked with some [ bleep ]ed up boys. [ laughter ] at one point in time they offered me a spin-off to "punkie brewster," the '80s sitcom, called "fenster hall." it was '84, '85. and i said to my wife -- it was $30,000 to do it. and i said, no, i'm not going to do it anymore. i went on the road. i just went all-out with stand-up. that's where chopped broccoli came, church lady came. >> jimmy: wow. >> by the time i met up with lorne michaels, when he saw me, i was there.

it took me a long time. to be on television was so outrageous for me, where i came from, seven of us, one bathroom, dad was a high school teacher. that's like saying you're going to be the first man on the moon. it took me awhile to believe it. like, i'm going to be one of those guys on tv? no, get out of town. >> jimmy: crazy. >> it worked out. i feel very lucky. >> jimmy: yeah, it worked out for all of us, in a way. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here. i hope you'll come again soon. we have science bob, speaking of teachers, who's going to do demonstrations. can you stay for that? >> you know, this is the -- this is weird. i'm actually having dinner with david spade. >> jimmy: oh, okay, all right. >> i've got to go. i turn him down, he'll be like, boop, boop, boop! >> jimmy: yeah, you don't want to get the sound effects. [ cheers and applause ] dana carvey, new episodes of "fly on the wall" with david spade premiering wednesday. we'll be back with "science bob."

panera chefs have crafted a masterpiece... succulent, seared chicken... a secret aioli... clean ingredients... in a buttery brioche roll. made fresh, to leave you... speechless. panera's new chef's chicken sandwiches. $1 delivery fee on our app.

if you're always asking, “where next?”... capital one has the travel card for you: venture x. earn 10x miles on hotels and 5x miles on flights booked through capital one travel. venture x. what's in your wallet? asya agulnik md: st. jude was founded with an understanding that no child should die in the dawn of life.

to work with many partners all over the world, nothing stops in the way of us achieving that mission, not even war. marta salek md: when there is a need, people stand up and do what is right and ensure that they restart medical therapy as quickly as possible. carlos rodriguez-galindo md: any child suffering today of cancer is our responsibility. this is a hero, walking his youngest down the aisle, which to his bladder, feels like a mile. yet he stands strong, dry, keeping the leaks only to his eyes. depend. the only thing stronger than us, is you. you know liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need? like how i customized this scarf? check out this backpack i made for marco. only pay for what you need. ♪liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty.♪ can i get ten large fries please? i'm gonna need like ten egg mcmuffin sandwich things?

night or the next morning. you've been loyal. every order earns points redeemable for free mcdonald's when you order with the mcdonald's app. (music throughout) every order earns points redeemable for free mcdonald's good checkup? no, great checkup. aw, thank you, doc. for great checkups, crest has you covered... because crest pro-health protects 100% of your mouth for 24 hours. i mean we're talking dental hall of fame. now, from crest pro-health new densify. like bones, your teeth lose density overtime. but, crest has you covered. crest densify... actively rebuilds tooth density to extend the life of teeth. crest. the #1 toothpaste brand in america.

♪ stack that cheddar, make it melt. ♪ to extend the life of teeth. ♪ cook it up, stretch it out. ♪ ♪ we're breaking the mold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ shining like gold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado live in the golden state ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ do you know any celebrity impressions? >> um -- stallone. "yo, adrian, could you like, i don't know, ask them to pass the mustard?" >> what movie is that from? >> that was kind of improvised from "rocky." >> can you do "rocky ii"? >> look, adrian, i never asked

you to stop being a woman so maybe you wouldn't mind not asking me to be a man. >> can you do "rocky iii"? >> you ain't nothing, balboa! yeah, well, maybe you got a big mouth. well, maybe you'd like to come close it for me! any time. >> "rocky iv"? >> he's like a piece of iron. >> "rocky v"? >> i know i'm ready, rock. all i need to do is have you in my corner. i know i can win. kid, it takes a lot more muscle to win. it tack more than drive. you know, you gotta have heart. but i got all that, rock, i got all of it. i just don't think i'm ready. >> i guess i haven't seen that one. >> jimmy: hello there. when i sa. she pulled me in. wasn't expecting that. it was literally... literally the greatest thing i've ever seen... scene... it was such a scene, but i looked pretty hot... so hot. i mean the look on his face... face it!

you really missed out on the best time... time of our lives. you really had to be there. when you're with amex, you always have a story to tell. it's never a question of if it's going to happen... it's when. ♪♪ wait, you got pickles. you hate pickles. yeah, but you don't. buy one favorite like a quarter pounder and get another for just a buck right now at mcdonald's. [music: "i got it" by jung youth and jeremy silver] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ the first-ever corolla cross. toyota. let's go places. kinder bueno.

it's crispy. it's creamy. it's not your average chocolate bar. it's kinder bueno! smooth milk chocolate, crispy wafer, creamy hazelnut filling. it's kinder bueno. our craftsmen begin each day perfectly seasoning our hillshire farm smoked sausage. so that you can end each day crafting a perfectly delicious dinner. hillshire farm. made right on the farm. ♪ i stand alone ♪ ♪ and the fire in the sky ♪ ♪♪ ♪ wait and see ♪

♪ shadow down ♪ ♪ fall into line ♪ ♪ you're out of time ♪ ♪ ♪ whoever you are. you have a style. and we want to help you own it. cause anyone can sell you clothes. ♪ ♪ we've got the brands. ♪ ♪ the value. ♪ ♪ and the inspiration you need. so you can own your style. hit it!

♪ it takes two to make a thing go right♪ ugh! ♪it takes two to make it outta sight♪ uh oh! ♪i want to rock right now♪ new crunchy cookie m&m's what's the #1 retinol brand used most by dermatologists? it's neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repair® smooths the look of fine lines in 1-week, deep wrinkles in 4. so you can kiss wrinkles goodbye! neutrogena® i'll see you later, alright? ♪ ♪ mmmm (children's laughter) ♪ ♪ that is so cool! good job! ♪ ♪ hey!! how're you doing? it's so good to see you!

>> jimmy: hello there. not since leonardo davinci invented the beer bong has a man of science brought as much joy to the world as our next guest. making his 20th appearance on our show, please welcome "science bob" pflugfelder. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you?

congratulations on this momentous occasion. 20 appearances. >> i'm amazed. you guys keep inviting me back. >> jimmy: that's like a whole month of shows or something like that. >> it is, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what is this? >> i'm back! [ cheers and applause ] if it isn't pflugfelder. say hello to his little big, brother i'm science todd. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: science todd? >> yeah, i know a lot more about science than this little munchkin, get over here! my big brother! >> jimmy: great to meet you, science todd. i didn't know you had a brother, bob. >> he did a lot of experiments on me when he was young. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he did? >> my testicles never grew back. [ laughter ] science todd! >> jimmy: science todd. older brother of science bob. >> all right. >> what are you going to do? >> jimmy: we'd love to have you join us for this demonstration. >> see if he doesn't blow it this time. what do you got?

>> jimmy: what do you got, bob? >> let's do a little fire science. >> fire science? i wondered what happened to our cat. [ laughter ] >> give you a pair of goggles. >> goggles won't save us. [ laughter ] >> these will go over your glasses, bro. >> don't tell me what to do, i'm the big brother. telling me what to do. >> jimmy: you know how kids are. >> fire science. >> jimmy: fire science. >> here's what we're going to do. here in california we have this big problem with wildfires. a big part of it is the fact that it's so hilly. fire will go quickly up the hill, go down, rise back -- >> what's he talking about? >> jimmy: he's your brother, i don't know. >> science todd, that's for you. jimmy, that's for you. >> jimmy: we drink this? >> no, please don't. [ laughter ] here's what we're going to do. we've got ten feet of gutter here. aluminum gutter. along the path here -- we've got little bits of what's called fire paste along here.

>> jimmy: okay. >> here's what i'm going to do. i'm going to light a little bit at the bottom here. >> jimmy: all right. >> there we go. >> this is how it started in 1968. >> you guys go ahead and open those up. >> jimmy: okay. >> i'm going to have you pour that down the gutter. >> jimmy: okay. >> say please, baby bro. >> please. >> jimmy: you're saying this is what starts the wildfires? >> this is why they climb up hills. that's going to drip down. you're going to see it hit this flame. and then it's going to move -- >> it's like a satanic ritual. >> there we go. >> here comes the god of fire! >> it's going to walk up this hill. if all goes well, when it does that, as it goes along, it's going to light these little fire paste candles. >> jimmy: it's kind of beautiful, huh, bob? >> yeah, it's getting there. >> the land of crock pot with lord racknu. fire will heal those who bow down to it. [ laughter ] eat the fire, little brother, come on! ha ha! ha ha! eat the fire, you little --

>> this is why we have backup here. i'm going to get a little more ethanol there. this is ethanol. biofuel. there we go. now it's going, there we go. climbing up, come on, flames. there we go. >> jimmy: yeah, here in california, we don't root for the flames. >> oh, that's true. [ laughter ] good point, good point. >> jimmy: we try to put them out, what we do. >> we're going to put them out in kind of an interesting way. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> kind of interesting? >> jimmy: that's as high as we shoot here. [ laughter ] >> we're going to use a home kind of version. you ever do the vinegar and baking soda? >> of course, i'm science todd, what are you talking about? [ laughter ] i've done all these experiments. >> todd, grab this pitcher, in a moment we're going to have you pour that in. >> aahh! >> that's going to create carbon dioxide gas. you can pour it in. all right, then you're going to pour the gas. not the liquid. go ahead, you can pick that up. there you go. >> jesus, a lot of pouring and

lifting. >> jimmy: what happens if we pour the liquid? >> the gas, not the liquid. go ahead, pour that. just like that. >> jimmy: oh, look at that, wow. the gas ran down the hill? >> the gas goes down -- [ applause ] there's a little liquid in there. >> yes, can follow directions. >> jimmy: all right. >> i like to pour! ha ha! ha ha! >> jimmy: science todd, i think you're doing it wrong, but that's okay. we're going to take a break right now. when we come back, we'll have science bob and science todd -- gosh, i don't know which one is which -- after this. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪♪ ♪ let's go out of town for the summer ♪ ♪ i wanna go across the trees ♪ ♪ just take my hand ♪ ♪ we will have fun till the sun goes down ♪ ♪ and we'll start over again ♪ ♪♪ >> jimmy: we are back with science bob and science todd. >> yeah! >> jimmy: science bob, what have you constructed here for us? >> all right, well you know, there are engineers that are exploring the ocean, exploring the seas. sometimes engineers just get together and build fun stuff for parties. so what we've got here is i got together with a friend of mine,

and we designed you a custom nerf super suit. >> jimmy: this is great. >> basically, if you can turn around there, science todd. we've got 1,200 nerf balls in here. we're going to pressurize these tanks. that's going to send them to a vortex system which shoots them out this tube, which is basically used for washing machines. that's going to go in here. flywheels in here are going to give it a final push at the very end. we can fire, if all goes well, 15 to 20 shots per second. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. it's kind of fun. so i'll have you guys can battle each other -- >> i don't like it, i love it! >> jimmy: look at this. >> oh, gee. i didn't even tell you, yes. we've also got these little foam things here, those will fire your rockets. >> ha ha! ha! hey, science bob! >> jimmy: the audience is wearing masks and goggles, like being in a coal mine here.

>> all right, so we'll see if all this goes -- we'll send you down there, i'll loosely keep track. there you go. get ready -- >> jimmy: wait, are we supposed to shoot each other? >> yeah, yeah. i'll keep track. >> jimmy: or we can both fire on you, you realize that, right? >> i did not. >> jimmy: you're right in the middle. >> yeah! >> no, wait, each other, no, that way, no, no! that way, go, go! [ cheers and applause ] guillermo, help me! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> yeah, yeah, yeah! yeah, yeah! ♪ >> jimmy: i'm on fire, i'm on fire, science bob, look at this! i am literally on fire! >> he's on fire.

>> you get back, you get back! >> jimmy: oh my gosh. wow. let me tell you something. >> guillermo: this is great. >> you've got to dance. >> hey, that was spectacular! science bob. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that was great, science bob, thank you so much. >> my brother did well. >> jimmy: seriously, we could head out to hollywood boulevard and really scare the crap out of some people out there, right? >> guillermo: that's right. >> jimmy: we could let loose. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: oh, you're out of bullets! get back, you! thank you, science bob. >> my pleasure. >> jimmy: for once again delighting us. thank you, science todd, for being here as well. >> i'm science todd. [ cheers and applause ] my brother did good. >> jimmy: poor david spade is sitting alone at the cheesecake factory right now. [ laughter ] you can find more information about what just happened here at sciencebob.com. thanks to dana carvey, thanks to

science bob, thanks so guillermo. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, jerrod carmichael and james hong with music from the black keys. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching, goodnight. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, free stuff. as inflation soars, americans are feeling the pain. >> i think gas prices are out of control. >> but some are saving thousands of dollars. >> the mirror's secondhand. the burp cloths are secondhand. the cloth diapers were gifted to me. >> it's uncountable, how much money i've saved. >> what's behind the so-called buy nothing movement that's taking off? >> we're essentially giving away items and then people can also ask for what they want or need. plus children of famine. our matt gutman on the ground in kenya where millions are facing starvation. the ground there scorched from the searing sun and lack of rain. >> in a good year, i w