>> lou: from hollywood - it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight --jerrael, mes hong, and music from t b wi cle andhe cletones! an apeciate that. very nice, thank you. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i am the host. thanks for watching. thank you for crowding into a theater for me. i appreciate it. it's great to be here. and to be free. i don't know if you heard this. the republic of north korea

today reported their first case of covid-19. can you imagine that? two years after we all got it. [ laughter ] according to their director of their national institute of infectious disease, dr. dennis rodman -- [ laughter ] the virus, which until now had been un-detected, has appeared. [ laughter ] how did covid even get into north korea? did kid rock play pyongyang? not tell us about it? [ laughter ] of course, the truth is, there have probably been many covid cases in north korea, the country just hasn't acknowledged them for fear of angering their leader's mighty scrotum. [ laughter ] but they are admitting it now, and they've ordered a shutdown, a nationwide lockdown. so if you live in north korea, just keep doing what you've been doing for the past 40 years. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] stay at home, maybe dig a hole. on the other side of international coin, in spain, the spanish government is expected to pass a new law that would give women three days of "menstrual leave" every four

weeks if they are in pain and need to stay home from work. which, on the one hand is very considerate, but on the other is going to be a little bit odd for everyone in the office to know when it's gabriela's time of the month. [ laughter ] [ applause ] meanwhile, here in the usa, our republican leaders in washington are writing a bill that says if a woman has her period in the workplace, she is guilty of witchcraft and should be captured in a burlap bag and cast into the sea. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] things are getting heated in washington. yesterday, republican senators and joe manchin nixed a bill that would protect a woman's right to choose. you'd think these people would be for the right to privacy, considering how many of them keep getting caught on tape doing weird stuff to their cousins. [ laughter ] but they're not. president biden weighed in. he predicted that if the supreme court overturns roe v. wade, the next target for conservatives will be same-sex marriage.

[ boos ] then they'll come for interracial marriage, and then they'll outlaw that peanut butter that comes with the jelly in the same jar. [ laughter ] these guys, they might as well just come out and say, "here's the real story, if we can't get laid, nobody else is going to have any fun either." [ cheers and applause ] riot, the january 6th committee, today took the extraordinary step of sending subpoenas to five house republicans who have refused to cooperate so far. kevin mccarthy, jim jordan, scott perry, andy biggs, and mo brooks all got served. either that or this is a cialis commercial. [ laughter ] "are you suffering from electile dysfunction?" i bet those guys are all huddled up right now to get their stories straig "remember, we were camping at the lake that day." [ laughter ] a "subpoena" is something jim jordan in particular should be familiar with. because when he was a wrestling

coach, the team doctor saw a lot of poena, and he didn't do anything about it. [ laughter and applause ] he's a good dude, a really good dude. republicans have been trying to shift the focus away from taking equal rights from us by blaming joe biden for the nationwide shortage of baby formula. but the president isn't having it. not only is he pushing back, he has a plan to solve the problem personally. >> i'm joe biden and i approve this message. hey, folks. i know times are tough with soaring gas prices, and now a shortage of baby formula. but we've been through tough times before and we'll get through them again. with ma-maw biden's nonclotting baby chowder. this is the same porridge my own dear mother would fry up in a snowstorm back when i was no bigger than a hickory stump. every can is chopped, boiled

twice, and pickled personally by me, uncle joe. all the ingredients the little nipper needs to make him strong enough to gnaw through chicken wire. daily doses of corn fritters, sassafras, cod liver oil, johnny cakes, a healthy helping of beaver meat. ma-maw biden's nonclotting baby chow. go to your local general store and pick up a sack of cans today. [ applause ] >> jimmy: sounds tasty. in bucks county, pennsylvania, a young couple, the bridgefords, got married last month, and as people who get married do, they hired a photographer. but when they got the photos back, they had been retouched. [ laughter ] some of the guests had their eyes closed because they blinked or whatever. and so a photo editor went in there and made them all terrifying. [ laughter ] i mean, this is -- [ laughter ] the only explanation i can come up with, looking at this, is that the guy who did the retouching must have eyes like that.

[ laughter ] he must be, yeah, this is what people look like. otherwise, how do you send those? and as disturbing as that was, pennsylvania's got nothing on florida when it comes to love, and with that said, it's time for a new edition of "this week in florida." >> coach trujillo was riding his bike home from work along radio road. his wife pulled up next to him, pulled out a gun, and he says she shot him. not even a bullet in the butt can shatter love. >> of course i'll spend the rest of my life with her, that's my baby till the toe tags. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "'til the toe tags." i'm impressed. is that a saying? till the toe tags? or did he make that up? it's kind of beautiful, if you look past the "being murdered" part of it. [ laughter ] this is from twitch. are you on twitch, guillermo? >> guillermo: no, no, jimmy. not at all. >> jimmy: just marijuana? >> guillermo: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: twitch is an app that

has live videos, mostly of people watching other people play video games. but they also have more traditional programming, like this cooking in a minidress show. [ coughing ] [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. [ fire alarm sounding ] oh, oh! i don't know what to do, guys, i don't know what to do! help, help, help, help, help! help, help! i don't know what to do, you guys! i don't know what to do! [ applause ] >> jimmy: what you do is call doordash and never cook anything again! [ laughter ] i do that almost every weekend. another popular app is grindr, [ cheers ] okay. the lgbtq plus dating app, which

announced this week it's going public. it didn't announce, the people that work there announced it's going public. now this is the app i wish elon musk would buy. when a business goes public, it means they're selling stock in their company, and for most straight people grindr is a bit of a mystery. to shed light on how it works, i asked one of our writers, louis virtel, a grindr user, to take us through it. so here is "virtel it like it is!" louis? [ cheers and applause ] rindr is mor a gay hookup app. it's also the most popular last name in my phone. [ cheers and applause ] "alex grindr," and "big lips grindr," "joe grindr." none of these people know each other, but to me, they're a family. [ laughter ] the grindrs. grindr is a great way to meet

queer people in your area, learn they're 150 feet away, and wonder if they're watching you right now. [ buzzing ] oh, like that guy! [ laughter ] [ applause ] sir, i love the hair, i can't do this right now, i'm working, i'm working. [ laughter ] if you go on grindr, here are the five types of profile pictures you can expect to see. number one, the "straight" forward guy -- this is the conventional approach -- face pic. maybe some body. rarely a full smile. like, "for now? this is as much as you get from me." [ laughter ]owan. face, jt ed-ot too. sotiat you think, "oh,has my friend, gus!" [ laughter ] i recognize the areolas. you know on "let's make a deal" when monty hall is like "behind door number three, there's a big

prize, and it has four wheels." and the contestant jumps up and down and can't believe her luck, and then the prize turns out to be a broken lawnmower? that's this. [ laughter ] that's the risk you're setting yourself up for with shadow man. maybe he's the man of your dreams! maybe he's your uncle gene. [ laughter ] number three is the smiling couple. couples sharing a grindr account is cute. it's also terrifying. why would they do this? how do i know which one is texting me -- the one with the abs or the one with the job? [ laughter ] is this a relationship or a low-rent hall & oates with a french bulldog in it? i can't tell. [ laughter ] next, the "i'm wearing a cap" guy. wearing a cap is a whole grindr category. it suggests so much -- "oh i've heard of sports!" [ laughter ] what it usually means is, "my hairline is controversial."

[ laughter ] anyone who grew up with carmen sandiego knows the power of a big brim. her hat makes her cool as hell, even though she's literally just a thief who knows geography. [ laughter ] but this last category is for the real go-getters. grindr doesn't have to be a talkative experience. sometimes this is all the hello you need. number 5, the "here's my whole ass" guy. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i love this approach. because, here's his ass! all of it! you've heard of gay pride? this is as proud as it gets! [ laughter and cheers ] [ applause ] you know, normally if you go on a date with a guy, he's sitting down. you can't see his ass!

this method eliminates that problem altogether. no chatter. no small talk. no ifs, ands, or -- no ifs or ands. [ laughter ] okay, one last bonus category before we go. it's the "i bought this singlet on amazon for $12, and i may as well use this time to show it off" guy. [ cheers and applause ] aka, just me. [ laughter ] he's not for everybody. just like grindr. but if you haven't turned the tv off yet, he might be for you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, louis. that was very good. very educational. it's nice to have this segment on the show. louis virtel, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we have a big show for you tonight. james hong is here. we have music from the black keys, and be back with jerrod carmichael! be back with jerrod

carmichael!

♪♪ ♪ let's go out of town for the summer ♪ ♪ i wanna go across the trees ♪

♪ just take my hand ♪ ♪ we will have fun till the sun goes down ♪ ♪ and we'll start over again ♪ ♪♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ from the mountains to the coast, ♪ ♪ el estado with the most. ♪ ♪ we do tacos from the city to every little town. ♪ ♪ best bites. best vibes. ♪ ♪ california, hands down. ♪ ♪ go on and check my drip. ♪ ♪ take a bite. feelin' fit. ♪ ♪ we're breaking the mold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ shining like gold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado. live in the golden state ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tonight from the critically acclaimed "everything everywhere all at once," james hong is

here. [ cheers and applause ] then later, a great band with new music. their album "dropout boogie" comes out tomorrow, the black keys on the mercedes eq stage. [ cheers and applause ] next week, we've got new shows with -- john mulaney, andy samberg, cheryl hines, and milo ventimiglia, and ryan seacrest, with music from franz ferdinand, gang of youths, and train. [ cheers and applause ] join us for all or most of that. our first guest is a multi-talented man who, already this year, released a great hbo comedy special, hosted "saturday night live," and finally told us his real first name. next, he directs and stars in the new feature film "on the count of three," opens in theaters and on digital tomorrow. please welcome jerrod carmichael.

>> jimmy: how are you doing? >> hi. >> jimmy: very good to see you. i haven't seen a pick in a long time, it's good to see it back. >> yes, thank you very, very much. i like my pick. i keep it on me. i took it out of my head respectfully. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: nice. very '70s. >> can i start by saying i owe you an email? >> jimmy: do you? >> i owe you like six emails. >> jimmy: that's all right, i'm bothering you. >> i've been drafting an email to you for like three years now. [ laughter ] i never draft because i get overwhelmed, i'm real sensitive and i spend my days alone. [ laughter ] sometimes you get an email from jimmy kimmel and you're like, well -- what do i do now? [ laughter ] how do i respond in a way that, you know, has heft and resonance? >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> then i just don't respond. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't worry about it, because that email was not intended for a response -- >> it was very nice, i thank you for that. >> jimmy: i wanted to tell you how great i thought your special was, your hbo special. [ cheers and applause ]

not just funny, but my wife and i, we really were very moved by it. >> i appreciate that. >> jimmy: i sat down, i was like, you know what, sometimes i feel like i make a mistake by not telling people when i think. i happen to have jerrod's email, i'm going to tell him. so there, i told you. and you don't have to respond. >> no, it warmed my heart. it was very nice. thank you. it really did. i know that sounds cliche. but i read it, i read it twice, and then i started drafting a thing, and then -- there just sometimes isn't an emoji that says how i feel, you know? [ laughter and applause ] i was going to send a heart, surrounded by the smiley face with the hearts and things, and i was like, jimmy won't want hearts. >> jimmy: maybe that's in keeping. for those who haven't seen "rothaniel," your special yet -- >> you say it real, that's so tight. >> jimmy: do i say it -- >> like my kindergarten teacher,

miss bailey. "r "ro "rothaniel." like a strong southern black woman. [ laughter and applause ] that's a fun thing for y'all to clap for. >> jimmy: that's the first time i've ever been called a strong, southern black woman. [ laughter ] >> yeah, we know who you are inside. >> jimmy: but this special, for a lot of people in your family, was a surprise. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and in a couple of different ways. number one, you talking about your sexuality. and also talking about their personal lives. it certainly affected you in a great way. and i know -- i heard you on howard stern. you guys had a great interview. you talked at length. what i'm wondering is, were there people in your life who found out, who learned about this, for the first time from watching the special? and how did they feel, if there are those? >> it's a good question. well -- here's the thing. there were.

in a way, yes. there are people that i know who but i wouldn't call them in my life. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> you know. if they were in my life, i would have told them. >> jimmy: okay, i gotcha. >> there are people that i know who were definitely shocked. i know a few girls that, like, dropped some popcorn. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, really? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i apologize if this is a dumb question. >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: did you have anybody that wrote you, i knew it! >> people like to say that to you sometimes, you know. like they like to justify, like, i knew the whole time. did you? okay, then you knew i was in pain for 30 years, didn't say anything? what's wrong with you? >> jimmy: yeah. >> like -- like a couple little things like that. but -- you know. i told most of the people in my life. most of my friends.

i have this thing where, like, i guess it's why i'm an artist or a comedian or whatever. because, like, i came out to, like, my best friends. and then did it on hbo like a week later. [ laughter ] like it's kind of like a quick -- you know. nothing or everything. >> jimmy: right. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. and it's -- yeah, it's in a way -- i was comparing it to like when you have a baby, you have to make sure to tell everyone so they don't find out from someone else because then they're mad they had to find out from your aunt chippy that you had a baby. [ laughter ] so you have to really be on top of it the moment that baby comes out. >> yeah, i feel you. i asked someone who never really needs to know that you had a baby. [ laughter ] you don't have to tell me. >> jimmy: all right, that's good to know. >> i mean that optimistically, not in a dismissive, i don't care about your baby. i care about your kid. in a general sense. but more so when it's a, you know, a thing in your life, running around or something, not just the theoretical idea of, i have a baby.

it's like, okay, well good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what is your life like after coming out? is it better? >> freer. i think i feel freer. [ cheers and applause ] no, but -- i think there are things that, you know -- i think it's kind of a universal experience, i found out. after coming out, you realize that, like -- i realize a lot of people are in the closet about something. through the process. and just being -- it's inhibiting. like, i realize i take better pictures since coming out because i'm not worried about looking gay. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] was i not smiling because smiling is gay? so silly. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: when you said that people have -- are in the closet on a variety of subjects, have people now been sharing things with you because you shared this

with the world? >> yeah, people will tell me some heavy [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, yeah. but it's, you know, it's all in love. it's hard. you feel alone while you're in it. i'm speaking about me. but in a general sense, i think feeling trapped. just -- i felt like a liar. it affected my day-to-day life. it became overwhelming. you feel like you're drowning in it. >> jimmy: did any part of you make a decision to never hide anything, to be honest now in all situations? >> i'm trying to. i'm trying to. but it's like, you know -- it's like being in, you know, n.a. or something. like, one day at a time. like, i didn't lie today. [ laughter ] today i didn't lie, it's okay. [ cheers and applause ] no, but what i mean -- i just -- to live more truthful. because a lie begets more lies

and it's all you can think about. at least me, it's all i can think about, the things i'm not saying. i don't like not being myself. and so -- yeah, yeah. i try not to leave unless i'm ready to be truthful. >> jimmy: yeah, it's harder at the beginning, but then easier the rest of the time if you're just truthful. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah, it's definitely -- i have a lot of, like, huge conversations with people. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i hate that. [ laughter ] like, i do, and i do it all the time. i'm like, enough already. i have, like, the biggest conversation about lives, like twice a month. like with a friend or family, and it's just like exhausting, like growth and change is exhausting, like enough already. when is the movement of just complacency going to happen? >> jimmy: i see why you weren't able to answer the email. you're burning. >> burning!

>> jimmy: people are dumping things on you. >> i am, i am. >> jimmy: jerrod carmichael is with us. his new movie is called "on the count of three." we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by avocado green mattress -- organic mattresses, starting at $699. $699.

buy one favorite like a big mac and get another for just a buck right now at mcdonald's. you know that show i was telling you about? yeah i was so close to the stage when i saw her and she... she pulled me in. wasn't expecting that. it was literally... literally the greatest thing i've ever seen... scene... it was such a scene, but i looked pretty hot... so hot. i mean the look on his face... face it! tis. o t. face it! it's never a question of if it's going to happen... it's when. ♪♪ it's when. meet apartment 2a, 2b and 2c.

2a's monitoring his money with a simple text. like what you see abe? yes! 2b's covered with zero overdraft fees when he overdraws his account by fifty bucks or less. and 2c, well, she's not going to let a lost card get her stressed. am i right? that's right. that's because these neighbors all have chase. alerts that help check. tools that help protect. one bank that puts you in control. chase. make more of what's yours.

for state controller, only yiu will save taxpayers money. wait, who, me? me? no, not you. yvonne yiu. yvonne yiu. not me. good choice. for 25 years, yiu worked as an executive at top financial firms. managed hundreds of audits. as mayor, she saved taxpayers over $55 million. finding waste. saving money. because... yiu is for you. yiu is for you. exactly. yvonne yiu. democrat for controller. ♪ girl you know it's been way too long ♪

♪ i got to get back in my zone ♪ ♪ ooh wee ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ alright ♪ ♪ come on ♪ ♪ come on ♪ ♪ 3... 2... 1... ♪ ♪ you know i'm feeling too good to be cooped up ♪ [ music stops ] ♪ hey ladies, don't we look good? ♪ ♪ we came to have a good time baby ♪ ♪ said i'm feeling too good to be cooped up ♪ ♪ me and all of my girls gonna tear it up ♪ all right, man! >> neosporin, everything that you -- you can't just -- >> he was ignoring us. medical tape too, put medical tape in that bag, it's right

there, i see it. >> what else do you want? just get it now. >> pack of blues, nutter butters. >> come on, let's go. >> how much? >> what? >> when a customer is talking, you listen, bro. it hurts to be ignored. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with jerrod carmichael. that's "on the count of three." that is a movie that you directed, you star in. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how did that all come together? >> you got to do it because nobody wanted to finance -- is it too cold for this? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think it's up to you. >> but you kind of -- i had to do it. it was all birthed of necessity. like, no one would -- we found financial partners, thankfully. but it was a difficult film to get made. like, it's sensitive subject matter, you could say. >> jimmy: explain this. because it is -- yeah, and i don't want to spoil any of it by telling the story.

because it is suspenseful in some ways. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what is the story, basically? >> well, it's two guys at the end of their rope who decide to end their lives, then decide to have one last day together. and, you know, sounds very heavy. you say it like that. and i really want people to see it, because i think it's very funny. what we found was, you know, in moments like that, if you can kind of distill things down to a last day, there's actually a lot of hope and optimism that one has. it's like the freedom of a last day. and the film is dark. i have to kind of prepare people for that. because i myself have become very sensitive recently, and i can understand people who could be triggered by the subject matter. so i've been trying to be very respectful about that, when talking about it in press. but i think that -- what i found in a lot of subjects over the

course of my career, when you really treat something like it's real, and you treat it as seriously and with as much integrity as you can, the world opens up. and you're able to find things in places that you typically wouldn't be able to. and this film i think is, you know, very funny. i think it's suspenseful. but we tried to play it as true as we could. and so i direct it, because again, it's difficult to get people to -- >> jimmy: you did a great job directing it. >> oh, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i hope y'all see it. i hope y'all see it.owmy wro it ari and ryan, to really support me and help me. and incredible actor chris abbott who's really one of the best of a generation. i truly believe that. >> jimmy: yeah, he's a great actor, yeah. >> he's incredible. he brought a lot of heart in his

character, kevin, so funny, he's so funny. he's like -- i've been calling him suburban joker. [ laughter ] but it's a very rich character. he does it so well. >> jimmy: yeah. henry winkler is in the movie. [ cheers and applause ] >> henry's really good. >> jimmy: interesting part for him for sure. >> i know. it's hard to talk about it without giving anything away. but it is henry winkler as you've never seen. >> jimmy: yes, no, and never, never, never -- >> never seen him. >> jimmy: in your special, as i mentioned earlier, you talk about your real first name. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and i know that going through life with an unusual name, sometimes you don't get the stuff that other kids get. >> uh-huh? >> jimmy: we came up with some special stuff for you. first of all, this is something you've probably never had. >> incredible. >> jimmy: personalized license plate for you. >> yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> jimmy: i don't know who puts their name on a toothbrush but we did. >> oh my god. >> jimmy: weve p ionhee,cae i >> jimmy: our guys did something very clever here. i know your name is a combination of robert and nathaniel. they cut robert and nathaniel together, so you got that and this. [ cheers and applause ] most importantly -- this is turning into a carrot top show. >> oh! wow. wow. >> jimmy: enjoy. >> wow. this is -- you've got -- [ cheers and applause ] hey, jimmy got me a personalized invitation to get robbed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: jerrod carmichael, everybody! his movie is "on the count of three." it opens in theaters tomorrow and on hbo max. we'll be back with james hong.

[ cheers and applause ] be back . you've got to do ♪ r ♪ you've got a lovely day to do it in, that's true ♪ [ chuckling ] ♪ and i hope whatever you've got to do ♪ ♪ is something that... ♪ [ music stops ] [ beeping ] cars built with safety in mind, even for those guys. the volkswagen atlas with standard front assist. ♪ ♪ give me one of your mcnuggets... si quieres un mcnugget, just ask for it. ay... did i say that or did i think it? buy one favorite, like a big mac, and get another for just a buck, at mcdonald's.

before treating your chronic migraine— 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting 4 hours or more you're not the only one with questions about botox®. botox® prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they even start—with about 10 minutes of treatment once every 3 months. so, ask your doctor if botox® is right for you, and if a sample is available. effects of botox® may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. alert your doctor right away, as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. don't receive botox® if there's a skin infection. tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. in a survey, 92% of current users said they wish they'd talked to their doctor and started botox® sooner. plus, right now, you may pay zero dollars for botox®.

learn how abbvie could help you save on botox®. zuriel: st. jude gave us hope. stephanie: all you've got to do is take care of your child, focus on her healing, give her a life. that for mother means a lot.

and-- and thank you to st. jude. i'll see you later, alright? ♪ ♪ mmmm (children's laughter) ♪ ♪ that is so cool! good job! ♪ ♪

hey!! how're you doing? it's so good to see you!

♪ stack that cheddar, make it melt. ♪ hey!! how're you doing? ♪ cook it up, stretch it out. ♪ ♪ we're breaking the mold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ shining like gold. ♪ ♪ estado dorado. ♪ ♪ vive en el estado dorado live in the golden state ♪ [ cheers and applause ] lou: pencil us in -- next week on "jimmy kimmel live" we'll have -- andy samberg, milo ventimiglia, jessie buckley, cheryl hines, joe keery, john mulaney, and ryan seacrest. plus music from gang of youths, franz ferdinand, and train.

that's next week on "jimmy kimmel live." i hope you wrote that down - i'm not repeating it. what's with the double mcnuggets? oh, this one's my backup in case something happens to the first one. mmm. see. buy one favorite like 10 piece chicken mcnuggets and get another for just a buck right now at mcdonald's.

♪ i stand alone ♪ ♪ and the fire in the sky ♪ ♪♪ ♪ wait and see ♪ ♪ shadow down ♪

♪ fall into line ♪ ♪ you're out of time ♪ and there it is. the book club to end all book clubs. all in a beautiful backyard setup you created

for an amazing price at marshalls. anything can happen with a patio like that. okay, snacks and popcorn are gonna be expensive. let's just accept that. going to the movies can be a lot for young homeowners turning into their parents. bathrooms -- even if you don't have to go, you should try. we all know where the bathroom is and how to us it, okay? you know, the stevensons told me they saved money bundling their boat insurance with progressive. no one knows who those people are. -it can be painful. -hand me your coats. there's an extra seat right here. no, no, no, no, no. we don't need a coat wrangler. progressive can't save you from becoming your parents, but we can save you money when you bundle home, auto, and more with us. no one who made the movie is here.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ jimmy: music from the black keys is on the way. our next guest is a legendary actor with nearly 700 movie and tv credits, and i'm going to list them all now. [ laughter ] earlier this week, he got a star on the hollywood walk of fame, and you can see him in theaters in "everything everywhere all at once." please welcome james hong. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? wow. look at this. [ cheers and applause ] well, what an entrance. that's spectacular. what have you there in your hands? >> i have something for you. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. this -- okay. >> turn around. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this represents what happened today. or this week, rather. you got your star on the hollywood walk of fame, congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] there you are, look at that. there's where it happened. beautiful. [ cheers and applause ] and that's a dirty floor, don't kiss it! okay, good, you didn't kiss it. >> it took 70 years to be here, to get that star. >> jimmy: 70 years you've been working in show business. 70 years. [ cheers and applause ] may i ask, what year did you

move to hollywood? >> well -- i'm 93 now. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: amazing. >> and believe it or not, i came here in 1953. >> jimmy: 1953? >> yeah, and i was right there on gower street. >> jimmy: yeah, right here. >> i think it's still there in the basement apartment. >> jimmy: really? >> and i entered and they said, this is the studio apartment. i said, well, that's pretty nice. but then i found out studio is a pretty word for one room. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. >> there's no bedroom. there was a bed. you go to the wall and pull it down from the wall, sleep, then puit bac >> jim: murphyyeah. so what was the first big movie that we would know that you worked in? >> well, let me see. i started actually with groucho marx. >> jimmy: groucho marx, wow.

[ applause ] you met groucho. what did you work on? >> there's a duplicate now. but in the original "groucho and you bet your life." you bet your life! you know. >> jimmy: right. >> he was a wonderful guy, a small set the size of your table. >> jimmy: was it really that small? >> very, very small. i don't know why. he could afford a bigger stage. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was a studio, probably. well, it was a studio, i guess. >> i did a bunch of impersonations for him. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah, you want to see one of them? >> jimmy: of course i do. [ cheers and applause ] >> okay, i did the first one for him, james cagney. you -- you dirty, dirty rat. i'm a yankee doodle dandy, a yankee doodle do or die.

you've got to keep your eyes on the grand old flag. yeah, yeah, that's it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. groucho smoking while you did that? >> oh, gosh, i couldn't stand that smoke. >> jimmy: oh, really? [ laughter ] >> i'm a nonsmoker. are you a smoker? >> jimmy: i'm not a smoker. not cigarettes, no. [ laughter ] [ applause ] earlier we met at the madame tussauds museum. that's actually a wax figure of me. it's hard to tell the difference. but that's not the real me. but it was a pleasure. >> you look pretty good in wax. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, better. better in wax for sure. and this is -- let's go through some of these, if i may. this is "blade runner." you were in the movie "blade runner." [ applause ] can you tell us a little something that you remember about "blade runner"? >> could you show me the picture? on screen. i'll do the voice, saying something. >> jimmy: okay.

>> i just do eyes! i designed your eyes! so he kills me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: amazing, you remember these lines. okay. do you remember this guy?wi jk . >>h. well, you know, jack is probably one of the most wonderful guys i've ever met. >> jimmy: really? friend? >> last time i saw him, he was -- a laker basketball game, so he was walking from his seat over and i said, jack! and he would come right over and we'd chat a little. that's the kind of guy he is. i wish him well, if he's watching. i imagine he's still active. have you heard anything? >> jimmy: no, but i'm going to check in on him after the show. [ laughter ] now i'm worried. when you put it like that. [ laughter ] and of course, television shows. here you are with julia louis dreyfuss in "seinfeld." [ cheers and applause ]

>> hold that up and i'll do a voice. cartwright, cartwright! [ cheers ] you no answer the phone so i hang up! seinfeld four! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this movie you're in, "everything everywhere all at mamoelebrateeopl-- think would you agree with that? [ cheers and applause ] it's very hard for a film to get nominated for an oscar, to win an oscar, when it is released in march. what is your plan to get an oscar nomination for this movie? >> well, i still don't know what the movie's about. [ laughter ] maybe some of you can tell me

later on. [ laughter ] but it's, you know -- it's just a conglomeration of the two guys, the two daniel boys, the directors, you know. somehow they put together this artistic film of all their memories and nightmares, really, you know? because it just jumps from one thing -- but in the end, somehow it makes sense. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> it's got a good moral to it, that you know, the grandfather and the daughter make up -- >> jimmy: don't tell the ending. [ laughter ] we've got to keep that part quiet. >> well, the ending is -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i know this is -- i remember talking about you -- >> i will tell you the ending in chinese. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is there anything on this special day where you have the star on the hollywood walk of fame which wasn't even there when you were born, would you like to say anything in chinese to your friends watching right

now? >> well -- in fact -- why don't i do something in chinese to help your viewership. >> jimmy: that would be especially good, yeah. [ laughter ] that would be great. [ cheers and applause ] whatever you like. go ahead. [ speaking in chinese ] jimmy kimmel show so-so! [ speaking in chinese ] handsome. hair. [ speaking in chinese ] whole hair. [ speaking in chinese ] jokes. lot of jokes. many, many joke he'll cover. some of them not too good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i did understand that. what was the rest of it? anything i nto know? >> well -- next month, we are

going to give away a new car every program! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. [ rim shot ] [ speaking in chinese ] get the approval of the producers. >> jimmy: yes, i'm sure they'll be very approving, yeah. >> the producer, kind of stingy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they are stingy, yeah. we'll start with the scooter and go from there. well, it's great to see you. thank you for coming. congratulations, your unbelievable career and your star on the hollywood walk of fame. and your movie which is a big hit. "everything everywhere all at once" is in theaters now. the great james hong, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with the black keys! >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-eq. the best or nothing. g.

>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-eq. all electric, all mercedes. >> jimmy: i want to thank

jerrod carmichael and james hong. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, the album "dropout boogie" is out now. here with the song "wild child," the black keys! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm just a stranger with a twisted smile and a wandering eye ♪ ♪ your heart is in danger come close now let me tell you a lie ♪ ♪ wild child you got me runnin' through the turnstile ♪ ♪ baby girl we better make it worthwhile ♪ ♪ you're gonna get my love

today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-yeah ♪ ♪ you are a sweet dream with a tender heart and a beautiful smile ♪ ♪ but things aren't what they seem ♪ ♪ so i'll let you go and dream for a while ♪ ♪ wild child you got me coming outta exile ♪ ♪ baby girl you know i'm liking your style ♪ ♪ you're gonna get my love today-ay-ay-ay-yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i just wanna hold you

at the end of every day ♪ ♪ girl i want to please you oh i'm needing you to stay ♪ ♪ the sun is gonna shine if you would just come out and play ♪ ♪ baby won't you show me your wild child ways ♪ ♪ wild child you got me runnin' through the turnstile ♪ ♪ baby girl we better make it worthwhile ♪ ♪ you're gonna get my love today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-yeah ♪ ♪ wild child you got me coming outta exile ♪ ♪ baby girl you know i'm liking your style ♪ ♪ you're gonna get my love today-ay-ay-ay-yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ tonight, a grim milestone. america marks an unimaginable moment. 1 million lives lost to covid. families across the country grappling with their new reality. >> it's hard to feel, for like a good 30 seconds i was frozen. numb, yeah. it didn't make sense. how could that happen? you know? >> david muir with some of the 250,000 children feeling the greatest impact. >> you still text him? >> yeah, it's like my way of communicating. it is bittersweet because i know i'm not going to get a reply back. >> the unexpected challenges they face. >> it's been tough. i've been trying to balance being a sister, being a parental figure. >> how's that going?