hildeston. have a gr great lou: from hollywood - it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- tom hiddleston, d'arcy carden, and music from supergrass. with cleto and the cletones. and now -- jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi, there. wow. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. i've returned. i'm back. i've returned from the dead. i'm alive. [ laughter ] that's very nice. i appreciate it.

i had, as you probably heard, i had covid three weeks ago. i tested positive. three weeks ago, i was positive for a week. then i was negative for a week between that. and then i was positive for another week. what i'm saying is i'm weak, i think. [ laughter ] i wasn't very sick either time. fortunately, i had two boosters. and a whole bottle of flintstones vitamins. [ laughter ] but it was a reality check. once i tested negative, i was like, oh, i'm indestructible. i can do anything. i went to an indoor restaurant, which is something i haven't done in a long time. not only was i not wearing a mask, i didn't have a shirt on! [ laughter ] i was just going crazy. then i go online after i tested and i read this headline. "jimmy kimmel tests positive -- for hiv again." [ laughter ] again? i got many, many, many e-mails again? [ laughter ] you'd think i that's the kind of thing they

call you about, right? i tested positive for covid while i was in new york. so i had to stay there until i was negative. so when i got home, my kids made signs, they put them on the door to welcome me. my daughter jane who's 8 wrote, "welcome back, daddy," which is ve and my son, billy, who's 5, drew a picture of me peeing. [ laughter and applause ] peeing my lights out. put that back on the screen. moustache." [ laughter ] but i learned a very important lesson last week, and that lesson is, if you complain on television about not hearing from people when you got covid the first time? the second time you will hear from everyone in the world. [ laughter ] all wanting to know every detail of what happened, why it happened, how long it happened for. and then at a certain point you realize, "oh, they're not worried about me, they're worried about them." [ laughter ] this has very little to do with me at all.

anyway, i want to thank john mulaney and andy samberg who filled in for me last week. [ cheers and applause ] they showed up. despite the fact that i did not ask them to fill in for me, they just came and took over. [ laughter ] and i also want to mention that guillermo is not here. he called in today, very sick. but not covid. just regular sick. as far as we know. which is -- i feel like, unless you have covid, people don't even care. they're like "oh, it's mono? okay. eat a popsicle and go to bed." [ laughter ] so on the off, off chance guillermo is watching right now, and he isn't -- [ laughter ] guillermo, we all send you our love. i know you're our security guard, but i honestly feel like we're safer with you at home. [ laughter and applause ] so i had something planned. so lou -- this is our announcer, lou wilson. he lurks in the shadows. [ applause ] >> lou: i see all. >> jimmy: you guys heard of covid brain? some people have trouble with their memory and their sharpness, all the stuff you need to host a talk show, basically.

i feel like i had it the first time i came back after covid. i was interviewing jessica biel and the thoughts weren't coming out of my head at the speed they usually do. so i thought our announcer lou could give me a cognitive test that you looked up. >> lou: of course. >> jimmy: to see if there's any difference. i did have a weird thing last night where i couldn't remember pete davidson's name. [ laughter ] and, you know, if you can't keep up with the kardashians, you can't do this ou, go ahead. ask away. >> lou: what is your middle name? >> jimmy: kelly ripa. >> lou: what street did you grow up on? >> jimmy: asphalt, just a regular street. [ laughter ] >> lou: what time is it when the big hand is on the 12, and the little hand is on the 4? >> jimmy: it's hammer time, that's what time it is. [ laughter and applause ] >> lou: very good, you got them all. >> jimmy: thank you very much. don't worry, i'm running at 110%. which is good, because we may have another health crisis on the way. called "monkeypox." have you heard about this? president biden said monkeypox is "something everybody should be concerned about." oh, good.

i was hoping to have another thing to be concerned about. living in this country is like being a contestant on "wipeout" every minute of every day. [ laughter ] you know last week, they had a hearing in congress about ufos. barely made a dent. nobody noticed it at all. [ laughter ] now we have monkeypox. which have you ever tried to get an n95 onto a monkey? [ laughter ] they'll tear you up. speaking of viruses, kellyanne conway has returned to public life with a book about her time as donald trump's henchwoman. the book is called "here's the deal." >> here's the deal. it's been quite the story, quite the ride. quite the journey. quite the life. and i'm still going. god has tested me and trusted me. he has asked me to bear burdens that did not break me. and he has bestowed blessings on me beyond what i ever could have imagined or deserved. amen. >> jimmy: yeah, amen. [ laughter ]

i don't think you're allowed to end your book with amen. did you notice that she's not looking at the book at all while she's reading from it? miraculous. in the book, conway says that in 2016, after the infamous "access hollywood" tape was released, donald trump considered dropping out of the race. he asked her if he should drop out but she told him to keep going. so instead of stepping down for bragging about grabbing women by the private parts, she encouraged him to stay in, and make decisions that would control every woman's private parts for many years to come. and we all live crappily ever after. amen. thank you, kelly. trump, by the way, is pushing back on this story. today his new spokesperson said conway's claims are "totally false." in other words, kellyanne got kellyanned. isn't that something? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now kellyanne conway is the liar, according to him. let's go through the list of former trump loyalists who wrote books that trump now claims are liars.

former defense secretary mark esper. his former attorney general, bill barr. former national security advisor, john bolton. former press secretary, stephanie grisham. melania's former adviser, stephanie winston wolkoff. omarosa. and trump's former lawyer, michael cohen. all the best people turned out to be the worst people! isn't that something? [ laughter ] meanwhile, trump's other former lawyer, rudy giuliani, who's not a liar, he's really great. [ laughter ] he was part of the "celebrate israel parade" in new york yesterday, where he took time to have a fun parade conversation with a heckler along the way.

>> jimmy: back to the parade! [ applause ] meanwhile, rudy's buddies in russia have released a list of 963 americans who are banned from visiting the country. they are banned from russia. it's a strange mix of politicians and celebrities, including president biden, nancy pelosi, mark zuckerberg, hillary clinton, george stephanopoulos, and morgan freeman -- for some reason. [ laughter ] which, banning the president, i guess i understand, but morgan freeman? what is he going to do? narrate you to death? [ laughter ] they also banned senators harry reid none of whom are alive. [ laughter ] john mccain passed away in 2018. i guess they're slow to get american tv over there. their biggest show right now is "the oc." [ laughter ] it's true. meanwhile, as the war on ukraine

slogs on, starbucks today announced they will be ending their "brand presence" in russia. they're taking their stores out of the country, hitting russians right where it really hurts, right in the k-pops. [ laughter ] russia had 130 starbucks stores. and it's actually a very significant blow. starbucks was the only way the russian military got wifi. [ laughter and applause ] and while this is terrible news for moscow macchiato fans, it's great news for the biggest coffee chain in russia -- timour hortonovich's. [ laughter ] a little something for our friends up north, you know? have you been watching the nba playoffs? we're down to the final four. it's the heat versus the celtics in the east, and with a 3-0 lead on the dallas mavericks, the warriors of golden state, which is not the team charles barkley would like to see win this thing. >> why do you think the mavs are the best team? >> i don't think they're the best team. i just cannot pick with the warriors, because i hate their fans. their fans are obnoxious.

i like the players on the team and the coach. but i hate their fans. i just want to see these people suffer, i want to see these losers suck, i do. >> jimmy: can we make him president? [ applause ] he would be the best, right? there is no more delightful human being alive. [ laughter ] i want to mention one more thing about covi me two weeks of shows this mor. we have come a long way since the start of the pandemic. we had no vaccine. and it may be a long time until we get through it. so every now and then, we look back, to remember life during lockdown, and we're doing it again tonight in a may edition of "this month in covid history." >> it's time to journey back. >> physical distance. >> happy birthday to you! >> it will disappear. >> to "this month in covid history." it's may 2021, and the cdc has something to say. >> i want to be clear about what the cdc is saying. >> okay. say it. >> on what the cdc is not saying. >> right, we're listening. >> the cdc is saying.

>> what the "f" did the cdc say? >> anyone who is fully vaccinated can participate in indoor and outdoor activities without wearing a mask or physical distancing. >> covid comes to an end. see you later, ventilator. >> to me, to me, this is an opinion. it marks the end of covid's grip on our lives. >> opinions are like a-holes and fox has lots of both. what was that website, joe? >> visit vaccines.gum, or vaccines.gov, or text your zip code to -- >> or just ask your grandkids. vaccines are going to save countless lives. >> how many americans have died after taking the covid vaccines? >> either zero or a number you're about to make up. >> a total of 3,362 people apparently died after getting the covid vaccine in the united states. >> let's just fact check that, shall we?

and that should put an end to vaccine misinformation. >> we're testing. >> this is crazy. this is crazy. >> can't make this up. this is a stud finder. [ laughter ] >> it sure is, you sexy bitch. this has been "this month in covid history." [ applause ] >> jimmy: we've got a good show for you tonight -- d'arcy carden is here. we have music from supergrass. and we'll be right back with tom hiddleston. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ good time ♪ ♪ i'm here to have a good time ♪ ♪ i'm here to have a good, good ♪ ♪ time ♪ ♪ i'm here to have a good time ♪ ♪ i'm here to have a - ♪

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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. tonight, from "barry" on hbo, d'arcy carden is with us. then later, celebrating the 25th anniversary of this album, "in it for the money," supergrass from the mercedes-eq stage. [ cheers and applause ] we have a fun show tomorrow. tomorrow night, rupaul and van lathan jr. with music from becky g. so please join us for that. last week, the hearts and pants of marvel fans around the world swelled with joy with the news that the whole cast will return for the second season of "loki." but first, he has a new limited series on apple tv plus -- new episodes of "the essex serpent" with claire danes premiere fridays. please welcome tom hiddleston. [cheers and applause] ♪

>> jimmy: very good to see you. have a seat. >> isn't it amazing, how lovely to be here and a live audience. >> jimmy: it's lovely to have you here. [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you? >> jimmy: i'm fine. and by the way, i just had a moment there when i was thinking, maybe he doesn't want to touch me when he comes out. [ laughter ] >> but you're okay. >> jimmy: i'm fine, yeah. honestly, it was very mild. it was like a mild cold. have you escaped the clutches of this? >> i haven't. i haven't escaped. i had it. i'm afraid to say, over christmas. >> jimmy: oh. >> but it was okay. i should say -- i know some people have had a really hard time. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i so relatively was all right. i kind of felt like i was a gong or a bell, and i was just sort of vibrating with this sort of low-level -- >> jimmy: are you sure you weren't high? [ laughter ] >> i promise i wasn't. there's this weird sense of humming with something. >> jimmy: what a poetic way to put it. [ laughter ] i was just in bed watching the mets.

>> right, right. >> jimmy: well, good. i'm glad you made it through, i'm sorry you missed christmas. which can be good sometimes. it depends on how much you like your family, i guess. [ laughter ] >> i missed, we canceled the previous christmas, so i missed them very much. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> had a great new year. >> jimmy: oh, that's good. >> it was negative, negative by december the 30th so new year's eve was fantastic. >> jimmy: because at that time, maybe still, i have to be honest and tell you, it was news to me that i wasn't like superman coming out of the first one. >> yeah. >> jimmy: at that time though probably you were like, oh, great, i just had it, i can't get it again. now we learn, oh, yeah, you can get a different strain of it. >> a different variant. >> jimmy: and who would know more about variants than you? [ cheers and applause ] >> it's so strange. it was so strange, when we wrote "loki", i thought, that's a very interesting word. you don't hear the word variant very often. [ laughter ] i hope the audience get it.

cut to a year later, i think they'll get it. >> jimmy: yeah. now it's right below "the." >> exactly. >> jimmy: so the whole cast, as we've learned, is returning. >> yes. >> jimmy: which is nice. >> yeah, it's great. great to have -- >> jimmy: great to have everybody back. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it also gives us a little bit of an idea of what might happen. >> what to expect. >> jimmy: and also you're moving the production from atlanta to london. >> that's right. >> jimmy: was that something you said, okay, i've had enough of being in the united states, i would like to be in london? >> i think it was an accident of scheduling. i'm thrilled about it, yeah. >> jimmy: will they move the sets? like mail them to london? >> they will. they'll put them on a -- i don't know how they move sets. [ laughter ] pack them up and put them on a cargo plane. >> jimmy: yeah, or a boat or something. >> a boat, maybe. >> jimmy: or maybe they rebuild the whole thing. do you know? or are you just not worrying about that? >> i should know. i don't. i feel like i'm letting you down that i don't know. [ laughter ] but yeah, i think they're all

there. >> jimmy: they are all there, okay. so when "loki" came out, what was it, last summer? >> last summer, yeah. >> jimmy: did you have any idea what a big deal, because it's the most popular marvel show on disney plus, hugely popular. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: because i was a "thor" -- i loved "thor," i loved the comics. i thought "loki" was pronounced lok-i. i never heard anyone say it. >> why would you? >> jimmy: i just read it, looked like lok-i to me. did you have a sense it would be so popular? >> it's really interesting. we were still in a lockdown in the uk, still kind of restricted. and i was making this other show, "the essex serpent." that was really -- i kind of got a sense of it, because the show went out on a wednesday night. and every thursday morning the crew would be kind of keenly asking me questions like, you know, i'd be getting mic'd up in

the morning. okay, the tva, are they the good guys? are they the bad guys? i thought it unusual to be having these responses in realtime. as a really brilliant young actor called ryan russell who's playing my son in "the essex serpent." and i think it took him a few weeks to get around the fact that i wasn't actually loki. [ laughter ] in his head, you know. and every -- every week, we had to have a full debrief about what had happened the night before. "okay, right. you picked up the cube. now you're in the tva. i know who they are. i'm not sure they're the good guys or not. you look pretty tough. you're not really dead. you are in the other timeline. but this timeline, where does it go?" "ryan, i can't tell you, you'll have to wait and see." >> jimmy: do you have that with children? like, oh, he's bad. he was bad to thor, where they react negatively to seeing you? >> i've never had it, yeah. >> jimmy: really?

huh, okay. [ laughter ] >> or if i have, i've blocked it out. >> jimmy: you sang a song on, like, i think it was like the third episode. >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: and it was in "asguardian" which is the native tongue of thor and loki. >> you're fluent in it. >> jimmy: i am very fluent. if anyone would be fluent in it, it would probably be me. i am not, actually. was it written specifically for the show? >> yeah, it was written for the show, natalie hall, our amazing composer. and it was actually in norwegian, i think, as a nod to loki is a norse god, the ancient people. and the idea is they are on a train going from "a" to "b." and loki of course finds the dining car and sylvi has a nap and loki starts a party. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the song, i don't know -- i'm sure you are aware of this. it charted.

it was on the world music chart at number eight, i think it hit. >> amazing. unprecedented. that's never happened. didn't see that coming. >> jimmy: and it's funny because in norway, they're like, oh, yeah, he's singing the song. >> i hope in norway they weren't offended by the fact that i was butchering their native tongue. >> jimmy: do you speak norwegian? >> i speak the words of that song. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's enough, i guess. [ applause ] you know what they mean? >> yeah. how's it go? it's like -- [ speaking in foreign language ] different vowel sounds. [ speaking in foreign language ] anyway, i could go on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, you remember that. >> it's something like -- it

means something like, "the trees, they dance, and the waterfalls stop when she sings. she sings come home. in the apple orchard stands a beautiful maiden and she sings come home." it's sort of like an old folk a drinking song. could turn int- [ laughter ] remember that song when you're - like 80 years old? >> maybe. probably. i was so terrified. they gave it to me like four days before we did it, and i remember just singing it all the time, trying to remember it. you know when you have to learn something very quickly, you have to do that every day probably, you kind of get obsessed. i was so worried i was going to offend a whole nation of people. >> jimmy: right. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yes, and people in the heavens as well, yeah. >> right, exactly. the ones you have to worry about. >> jimmy: hit by a lightning bolt. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. we'll see a clip from the new show, "the essex serpent" starring tom hiddleston, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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where were you last night? >> at home with friends. it was my birthday. >> making merry as the devil did his work! >> we were with them! >> you were with us? >> tell them! >> look, this has nothing to do with mr. seayborn. clearly. >> my son was with me all night. will! >> vicious lie. >> lies! >> she's a witch! >> you brought the serpent here. and you put a spell on him. >> stop it. >> enough! >> you did. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she's a witch! we're back with tom hiddleston. that was "the essex serpent" on apple tv plus. i'll let you explain it. i watched the show. it's this -- well. we think it's a snake that's eating people or some kind of serpent. >> right, yes. >> jimmy: in essex. >> that's it. you're doing really well. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: you play a priest, a vicar. >> that's right, yes. >> jimmy: claire danes is not a witch, really, but they -- >> she's not, but they think there may be a witch. 1893, late 19th century. claire danes brilliantly played a widow who's just got over the death of her husband, but it was a very abusive marriage. that's not a spoiler, that's in the first five minutes. she's got a keen interest in the natural sciences. she goes to essex, the easternmost east coast of england, where there's been an earthquake. and it's dislodged all these fossils. and charles darwin has literally just published "the origin of species" so our understanding of life is completely changed. and in this community, they're very god-fearing and faithful. and a teenaged girl has gone missing. and they think this ancient winged serpent beneath the estuary, the black water, has

come back to steal your children and haunt your dreams. and it turns into a kind of a story about faith and -- faith and science and where we look at to try and explain our meaning in our lives, you know. >> jimmy: you personally, as far as unexplained phenomenon goes, we just had a hearing about ufos here. >> right. >> jimmy: are people laughing at us in england? [ laughter ] >> i think there's probably a community that would be curious about stuff. i personally, about ufos, i like to live in the skepticism, to live in the question. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> neither definitively on the side of -- i'm open to it, but probably not, it's probably just in the imagination. >> jimmy: right. what about bigfoot? do you guys have bigfoot over there or is that our thing? [ laughter ] >> we have the loch ness monster. the essex serpent now. >> jimmy: do you have a chupacabra? [ laughter ] >> what's that? >> jimmy: the chupacabra, you must learn about that. that's a mexican import, and sometimes it sucks the blood out of the --

>> okay, sounds pretty serious. >> jimmy: i'm so excited that i got to tell you about the chupacabra. [ laughter and applause ] now you're going to hear about it all the time. >> i will, i'll look out for it. >> jimmy: you speak spanish, right? >> i mean -- badly. >> jimmy: you spoke to guillermo last time. >> he's very sweet, he pretended to understand. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he does that with me all the time, too. >> i can order cafe con leche. >> jimmy: is there a yeti? do you know the yeti? >> i do know the yeti. it's not quite the landscape for yeti in the uk. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we don't have the yeti there. we have the abominable snowman, the yeti. we have sasquatch, which is big foot. and a ghost. what about ghosts? >> yeah, sure, i'm open to ghosts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you guys have more ghosts over in england. >> a lot of old houses, yeah. i'm open to that, definitely. >> jimmy: more open to ghosts than ufos? [ laughter ] >> i'm on the rack here.

>> jimmy: whatever you say, you're now going to hear about this forever. >> the rest of my life, yeah, yeah. i think -- probably it's all the imagination, right? i think so. i think it's that -- kind of like monsters under the bed when you were a child. >> jimmy: i think so. >> really a monster under the bed. but there's your fear of something unknown under the bed. >> jimmy: ufos i'm kind of on board with, there might be ufos. but ghosts i feel like if there were such a thing as ghosts, every hospital would be jam-packed with them. [ laughter ] >> i guess that's true. >> jimmy: so many people die there. >> i like that this is a really evidence-based theory. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've got to look at the evidence. >> you're really the detective. >> jimmy: i am. >> yeah, i love this, the bottom of the ocean. they say we've done less exploration under the ocean than we have on the moon. >> jimmy: yeah, oh wow. interesting. than we have on the moon. >> yes. we know more about the moon than the absolute bottom of the ocean. isn't that crazy?

>> jimmy: that is kind of crazy, but on the other hand -- >> i am no scientist. [ laughter ] i'm just somebody who learns lines and tries not to bump into the furniture for a living. [ laughter ] i'm not a marine biologist. i don't know what i'm talking about. >> jimmy: you realize, with that accent, we assume you know more than we do, right? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, it's interesting. >> jimmy: i think we can't get to the deepest part of the ocean. >> that's right, we can't. there are parts of the ocean that are so deep, we can't take the pressure, literally. >> jimmy: do you know aquaman? [ laughter ] >> i do. he's at the bottom of the ocean. >> jimmy: we're going to ask him. i don't think loki has insight into this. aquaman will know for sure. >> aquaman has met the essex serpent. interesting crossover. >> jimmy: that would be a huge, huge film, aquaman versus the essex serpent. [ laughter ] it's very good to see you. thank you for coming and literally risking your life to sit next to me.

tom hiddleston, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "the essex serpent," new episodes on fridays on apple tv plus. we'll be back with d'arcy carden. [ cheers and applause ] to treat hiv. erent way it's every-other-month, injectable cabenuva. for adults who are undetectable, cabenuva is the only complete hiv treatment you can get every other month. cabenuva helps keep me undetectable. it's two injections, given by a healthcare provider every other month. it's one less thing to think about while traveling. hiv pills aren't on my mind. a quick change in my plans is no big deal. don't receive cabenuva if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking certain medicines, which may interact with cabenuva. serious side effects include allergic reactions, post-injection reactions, liver problems, and depression. if you have a rash and other allergic reaction symptoms, stop cabenuva and get medical help right away. tell your doctor if you have liver problems or mental health concerns, and if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or considering pregnancy. some of the most common side effects

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these guys didn't write a plan for the homeless. they wrote it for themselves. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, welcome back. supergrass is still to come. our next guest you know from "the good place," now she is in a bad one. she plays natalie on "barry" -- watch new episodes sunday nights on hbo and hbo max. please say hello to d'arcy carden. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: sorry, d'arcy, we moried you wh that visiblblwi >> jimmy: he did, okay, all right. >> absolutely my fault. >> jimmy: how are you? you look fantastic. >> so do you. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i love "barry." i cannot get enough of the show, you are super funny on it too. >> thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's such a great cast, such a good show. they announced another season. do you have any idea what's going to happen in the next season? >> i don't think bill knows. just kidding. i actually do know the whole thing. and i'm not going to tell you anything. >> jimmy: i don't want to know. [ laughter ] i do want to know, but i don't want to know also. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and the cast. and henry winkler is on this show. [ cheers and applause ] and henry winkler is, i mean, it's one of those people for me like i can't believe i know henry winkler. >> i feel the same way. you know what's funny about henry, he's truly become one of

my best friends. legitimately. >> jimmy: he has? >> he's so loveable. he's deeply loved. we talk all the time. >> jimmy: very kind to everyone he encounters. >> he's deeply good. we've known each other now doing "barry" five, six years. we talk all the time, i talked to him on the phone today. >> jimmy: how often do you talk to him, realistically? >> truly i would say during the pandemic, other than my husband, i talked to henry winkler more than anyone else in my life. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? wow. [ applause ] >> he's like a phone guy. i'm a phone guy. we also got really into, you know those emojis that can you make yourself? you can make yourself be an emoji -- >> jimmy: what? >> hold on. you are looking into your phone and your face becomes an emoji? we send a lot of those. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? fonzie is an emoji? >> yeah. >> jimmy: really. you brought a picture that i think is interesting.

tell us what we're about to see here. >> this is kind of early pandemic. the "barry" group chat was popping off. what are you guys doing today? what is everybody doing today? and i said, i made banana bread. and henry said, what do i have to do to try this banana bread? it was slow, early pandemic days. my husband and i were like, why don't we go to henry's house and drop off a damn banana bread? normally if you're not from l.a. would take a good 50 minutes to drive to. because there was nobody on the road it was quick. >> jimmy: wasn't that the best? >> silver lining. >> jimmy: is this a screen shot you grabbed? [ laughter ] [ applause ] henry eating the banana bread? seems to be enjoying it. >> that was like the text message to let me know that he really liked it. >> jimmy: did you tell him maybe take it a little easy on the butter? [ laughter ] >> i think it's cream cheese. >> jimmy: oh, my god, really? >> either way, it's great. >> jimmy: i'll have to try that. >> it's a great banana bread. hit me up after the show. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: you'll be delivering it to people's homes? >> yeah, you let me know. hi, lou! >> jimmy: you know lou? >> i know lou. i've known lou for years. >> jimmy: how long you have known lou? >> we did an improv show together five, six years ago? >> jimmy: were you romantically involved? >> we were married but it wasn't romantic. [ laughter ] >> lou: i needed papers, darcy was so nice to go with it. >> jimmy: lou's really coming out of his shell tonight. [ applause ] so you have another show. >> yeah. >> jimmy: coming out. "a league of their own", based on the movie "a league of their own." >> yes. >> jimmy: which is a great movie. and now abby jacobson is spearheading this? >> yes. do you know abby? >> jimmy: i know abby very well, she's great. >> i love her. so abby and i -- abby and me -- abby and i? >> jimmy: abby and i, i believe, yes. >> and a bunch of other gals. so even still that's wrong. yeah, we shot "a league of their own" in pittsburgh this summer.

>> jimmy: great town. >> i love pittsburgh. >> jimmy: i do too. it's one of those, "wow, pittsburgh is great." >> it was i feel like the most common thing -- >> jimmy: it's called "pittsburgh." the worst name imaginable. [ laughter ] >> but the most common phrase was "it's actually really cute"! >> jimmy: how condescending. but yes. [ laughter ] >> i loved it, loved it, would go back. >> jimmy: you play a baseball player? >> i do, i play a first baseman. >> jimmy: do you play baseball? >> actually, i'm really good at baseball. >> jimmy: you are good at baseball? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did they know that beforehand? >> they know that. i'm old friends with abby. even older than my husband lou. [ laughter ] i've known her almost 15 years. i'm a good baseball player, so this is a match made in heaven. >> jimmy: you got to throw out the first pitch at a pirates game. >> i did, i did, that was -- what were you going to say? >> jimmy: i was going to say, got to throw out the first pitch, or were asked to throw out the first pitch? that can be one of those things,

oh, oh, i don't know if i want to do this. >> it's one of those things i have said out loud -- it's one of those things that i would -- admitted to my husband early on in my career, i was like, someday i want to throw out the first pitch, and he was like, chill out. [ laughter ] he's like, who the hell do you think you are? and now i really showed him. but yeah, i really wanted to do it. my dad did it when i was a little kid in oakland. it was something that i always aspired. >> jimmy: your dad, did it go well for him? >> it did. you've done it. >> jimmy: i have done it, yeah. >> you can't overthink it. >> jimmy: the only thing is i made the mistake of wearing boots. >> why did you do that? >> jimmy: i don't know. [ laughter ] >> are we talking cowboy? >> jimmy: no, not cowboy, like boots. a doc martin type of thing. didn't feel that great on the mound. >> i wore sneakers. >> jimmy: that's a wise thing to do. cleats is going too far. >> i would do it, though. >> jimmy: if you wore cleats, they'd be like, all right, get

off our mound. >> right. exactly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so we have a video of you. >> you asked if i'm a good ball player. and i do feel like i have a -- there i am. >> jimmy: there you are. >> a little nervous there. >> jimmy: you look at home in the hat. >> i don't smoke it. >> jimmy: not bad. not bad at all. [ cheers and applause ] you know what? >> can i tell you, though, i'm better than that. >> jimmy: you had to throw to a parrot. why did you have to throw to a parrot? >> they sprung that on me at the last minute. >> jimmy: nobody else has to throw to a parrot. >> do you think they're going to put jimmy kimmel in there? made a fool of me! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the show is great. it's called "barry." new episodes sunday nights on hbo and hbo max. we'll be right back with music from supergrass. [ cheers and applause ] >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by

the "s" class from mercedes-benz.

>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-eq. all electric, all mercedes.

>> jimmy: many thanks to tom hiddleston and d'arcy carden. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, rupaul and van lathan jr. with music from becky g. "nightline" is next, but first -- their european tour starts june 6th in glasgow, scotland -- here with their song, "richard the third," supergrass! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ got up today what a day thanks a million ♪ ♪ i spent too much time wondering why i got an opinion yeah ♪

♪ i know you wanna try and get away but it's the hardest thing you'll ever know ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ waiting in line terrible time over familiar ♪ ♪ well take them away they've nothing to say they're over the hill yeah ♪ ♪ i know you wanna try and get away but it's the hardest thing you'll ever know ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ trying to get at you trying to t ♪ trying to get at you ♪ ♪

♪ trying to get at you trying to get at you trying to get at you ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i know you wanna try and get away but it's the hardest thing you'll ever know ♪ ♪ i know you wanna try and get away but it's the hardest thing you'll ever know ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, bombshell revelations. why it took 77 minutes to stop the gunman and his rampage. >> of course it was not the right decision, it was the wrong decision, period. >> officials admitting a string of failures. terrified children calling 911 while officers stood outside in the hallway. >> i was playing dead so he wouldn't shoot me. >> the grieving and angry families. >> a gunman in a room for an hour. to me, that boggles my mind. >> what more could have been done to save lives? >> our baby's gone. we can't hold her no more. this is the only way we hold her, a picture. >> maria elena salinas is on the ground in uvalde, texas.