from all of us tonight, thank you. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" with guest host chelsea handler. tonight -- paris hilton. matteo lane. and guillermo with the cast of "thor: love and thunder." and music from aespa. with cleto and the cletones. and now, chelsea handler! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> chelsea: hi, guys! hi, guillermo! hi! thank you, thank you! hi, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] love it! hi, hi, hi, hi! thank you so much. thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

welcome to "jimmy kimmel live." i am your guest host chelsea hammer. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy is taking the summer off because men are weak. [ laughter ] this is my third night hosting, and it has been a lot of fun. [ cheers ] on monday we talked about roe v. wade. last night i covered the january 6th hearings and jeffrey epstein. what should we do tonight? [ laughter ] guillermo, who do you like better, israel or palestine? >> guillermo: i like mexico. [ cheers ] >> chelsea: i also like mexico. >> guillermo: yeah, it's the best. >> chelsea: you know, a lot of the comments online have mentioned you and i have really good chemistry, do you agree? >> guillermo: yike cereal and milk. [ laughter ] yes, good team. >> chelsea: thank you. go team, go team! >> guillermo: yeah! [ applause ]

>> chelsea: while yesterday's news was all about donald trump's totally sigh comic behavior on the day of the insurrection, we also caught a glimpse of melania's awfulness. her former chief of staff, stephanie grisholm, tweeted a screen grab of an exchange they had during the attack on the capitol. she texted melania, "do you want to tweet that peaceful protests are the right of every american, but there is no place for lawlessness and violence?" and melania wrote back, "no." [ laughter ] although this should come as no surprise when you consider all the terrible things melania has said yes to over the years. she said yes to visiting an immigrant and child detention center wearing a jacket that said, "i really don't care, do you?" she said yes to plagiarizing michelle obama's convention speech. she said yes to the most idiotic slogan in first lady history, "be best."

[ laughter ] she said yes to questioning the legitimacy of obama's birth certificate. and worst of all, she said yes to a proposal from donald trump! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] which is basically opting to go to a gold-plated prison and become a stepmother to the four vampire children donald trump calls his children. [ laughter ] speaking of women i despise, let's talk about virginia thomas, wife of clarence thomas. she's the worst. i don't want you to think i enjoy bashing women. i only despise women who fall into one of three categories. "they hate other women." "they're married to a man who hates women." or "they're a racist whose cover is being married to a black person." [ applause ] virginia thomas is all three. she's refusing to testify before the house select committee about her role on january 6th. she sees no reason to testify

when all she did was lay the groundwork for the riot, talk to everyone involved in planning the riot, and then attend the rally that led to the riot. can she really just not go testify? how [ bleep ] up is it that virginia thomas is the only woman in america who still has the right to choose? [ cheers and applause ] also, ginni, virginia, whatever your name is. i'm gonna go with "vir-gina." [ laughter ] vir-gina's lawyer sent a letter to the committee that ended with this little gem. "i am left to believe if her name were ginni jones, the committee would never entertain speaking with her." yeah, no [ bleep ], sherlock. if her name were ginni jones, she'd be just another whack job, but it's not ginni jones, and that's the problem! she was texting conspiracy theories about the election to the white house chief of staff, and is married to a u.s. supreme court justice. the only justice, by the way, who voted against donald trump handing over documents related

to january 6th. meanwhile in new york, [ applause ] meanwhile in new york, andrew giuliani, my half-baby, lost in the republican primary for governor last night. >> we're asking every new yorker for their vote at this point. we got three hours to go till the polls close. vote for andrew giuliani. come on out, do it, run through the tape. i love where everything is sitting right now but every vote matters so come out and vote. thank you. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: andrew, honey, i hope you know that you lost, not because of your swollen bee sting head, or because you've got a smile like a jack-o-lantern, or because you have zero qualifications. [ laughter ] you lost because your last name is now toxic, because your dad had one week after 9/11 when he was considered a hero, but then he blew it when he went [ bleep ] nuts. [ cheers and applause ]

there are so many questions left unanswered. would andrew have lost if his dad didn't try to overthrow democracy from a landscaping store, or sweat gravy during a press conference? we'll never know. my baby is having a tough week. on sunday, rudy claimed he was attacked at a grocery store in staten island. and today, the mayor of new york is calling for an investigation into whether or not rudy filed a false police report. not only is rudy playing up the phantom assault, he's also using the story to brag about his physical prowess. >> a very, very heavy shot. now, i'm 78 years old. i'm in pretty good shape for a 78-year-old. not every 78-year-old is in as good of shape as me. >> chelsea: you're not in good shape. i'm in good shape. [ cheers and applause ] mick jagger is in good shape.

okay? [ cheers ] you look like a baked potato who got his ass kicked right before they popped you in an easy bake. [ laughter ] you know who else is in bad shape right now? r. kelly. [ moans ] today r. kelly got hit with a 30-year prison term for racketeering and sex trafficking. yeah, we can clap for that. [ cheers and applause ] when he heard he was sentenced to 30 years, r. kelly asked if the judge would consider a younger sentence. [ mowns moans and laughter ] back to women i despise, congressmonster lauren boebert of colorado won her primary last night. i believe boebert is one of the biggest maga morons ever elected to public office, and it's because of comments like this. >> the church is supposed to direct the government. the government is not supposed to direct the church. that is not how our founding fathers intended it. and i'm tired of this separation

of church and state junk. it's not in the constitution. it was in a stinking letter. and it means nothing like what they say it does. >> chelsea: well, let's think about that, ya dumb bitch. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] because i tend to be skeptical about getting constitutional law advice from a human tramp stamp. [ laughter ] they frequently tend to skip right to the second amendment. if you'd bothered to read the first amendment, the very first words are -- "congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion." so it seems pretty clear that the government wants nothing to do with religion. secondly, if you're so keen on what the founding fathers thought, one thing they definitely thought is that women should shut the [ bleep ] up in public. [ laughter and cheers ] and not vote. and not be elected to congress. your buddy thomas jefferson wrote "governments are instituted among men." so unless you have a [ bleep ], the founding fathers don't care what you have to say. but lauren, i don't think you

have a [ bleep ]. do you? i know your husband does, 'cause he allegedly showed it to some young ladies in a bowling alley, just like jesus wanted him to. [ cheers and applause ] let all take a moment to remember that the founding fathers were a bunch of toothless dudes who took shedoobies in their backyard, thought that their wives were property, and wanted to protect guns that fired marbles and took 11 minutes to reload. and since we're paraphrasing jefferson's letters, he said "nothing is so disgusting" as a woman who isn't clean. google it. and while you're there, google "lauren boebert diarrhea" and you'll learn this dumbass owned a restaurant that served uncooked pork sliders at a rodeo which gave dozens of people diarrhea. [ laughter ] that's how lauren forces people to pray. they cry out "please god, stop me from making explosive diarrhea poo-poo in this rodeo port-a-potty."

[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] whoo! aah, things are getting me very hot and bothered. anyhoo, the next big marvel movie on the way is "thor: love and thunder." [ cheers and applause ] which hits theaters july 8th. and to celebrate, the cast of the film sat down with guillermo to play a game he invented that's like "spin the bottle," but with thor's hammer. what's the name of thor's hammer, guillermo? >> guillermo: spin the -- malesu? >> chelsea: close enough. here's guillermo and the cast of "thor." >> welcome to your guest interview ever. >> i can't wait. >> okay, so listen, we're going to play a game. you're going to spin the hammer. you have to do it, all right? >> okay. >> it's time to play "spin the

mjolnir." dy say it right? >> perfect. >> ladies first. >> smash. >> it's smash, oh my god, you want to smash something? >> yeah, i do. ready? >> all right. oh my god! wow! >> this is really satisfying. >> wow. oh my gosh! [ cheers and applause ] >> all right, here we go. draw my dad. how long you got? >> wait, hold on, hold on. [ laughter ] >> draw your dad naked? lucky i haven't finished the bottom half. >> oh, wow! >> there's your hammer. >> so it's time to play "spin

the mjonir." >> it also could be "who wants to be a mjolnir?" >> because you're my guest, you gofirst. >> okay. here we go. yes! kiss. ready? >> ready? >> yep. >> wow. that -- >> yeah? [ cheers ] >> wow, that was fantastic. all right, your turn. >> feed me a twinkie. i don't think i can eat twinkies. because i'm vegan. this is very nasty. >> you never had an interview like this? >> no, i feel so close to you.

>> you want to smash my eggplant? >> i'll definitely smash your eggplant. >> all right. >> nice aubergine. >> whoa! good job. >> it's like a drawing i drew of my dad. toward you, yeah? >> all right, good. whoa! one more. >> one more. >> you want it like this? >> just like that. >> from here. ready? >> just the tip. >> okay. oh, wow! >> all right, let's do this. so you want to go first? all right, go ahead. oh! >> chug mead. cheers. >> cheers. ♪ ♪

>> wow. >> you're an experienced mead drinker, i see. >> all right, i got to spin the wheel. >> all right, spin it. >> ready? >> yeah. >> tequila shot! oh! >> no! >> oh my gosh. cheers. >> cheers. >> oh my god. ♪ ♪ >> tequila shot. all right. >> cheers. >> get the twinkie close. >> good idea. >> don't move it. i'm depending on you, don't move it. >> tequila shot.

>> all right, ready? oh, tequila shot! >> oh, hey! >> cheers! oh my god, i can feel it in my chest. are you okay? >> yeah, i need to be burped. >> yeah, go ahead. [ burping ] >> whoa! you do have powers! [ cheers and applause ] >> chelsea: where's my -- oh, you have one. >> guillermo: i got one for you. [ cheers and applause ] >> chelsea: cheers, guillermo. we have a great show for you tonight. comedian matteo lane is here. we've got music from aespa. and we'll be right back with paris hilton. [ cheers and appla]

♪ >> chelsea: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live!" i'm chelsea handler. tonight -- comedian, singer, and podcaster extraordinaire matteo lane is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, from seoul, south korea, they are apple music's up next artist. their album is called "girls." music from aespa from the mercedes eq stage. [ cheers and applause ] i'll be back tomorrow for one more show with my guests taron edgerton and kelsea ballerini. and you can catch me live on my tour called "vaccinated and horny." that's the name of my tour. [ cheers ] which is running through the rest of the year. dates and tickets are at chelseahandler.com. our first guest taught us all

that if you want to be famous, you just need to be awesome. she's the original influencer and the proud owner of the catchphrase "that's hot." her podcast, "this is paris" is available everywhere you get your podcasts. please welcome paris hilton. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> chelsea: oh, my, how exciting. how exciting is this for both of us? >> so exciting. >> chelsea: for so many years i wanted to interview paris on my own talk show when i had my own talk show. but you wouldn't come on. [ laughter ] >> no. i was scared. >> chelsea: you were scared. i hear that all the time, that people were very scared of me. i don't know why everybody thought i was so scary. then i watched a couple of episodes of my talk show. [ laughter ] and i realized that i was a

[ bleep ] bitch. [ laughter and applause ] it's really nice to have you under the subterfuge of someone else's talk show. congratulations, first of all. i did your podcast, what was it, about a year ago? >> yes. >> chelsea: i did your podcast "this is paris" which was so much fun where we got to interact for the very first time. >> i loved it. >> chelsea: you didn't think i was a bitch then? >> no, i fell in love with you, i can't believe i ever thought that, this is one of the coolest [ bleep ] women in the world. [ cheers and applause ] >> chelsea: i was so excited, you invited me to your wedding, thank you so much. [ cheers ] and i wasn't able to come, for whatever reason. guillermo and i were probably in mexico that weekend. >> guillermo: yes, cancun. >> chelsea: we had professional responsibilities. >> of course. >> chelsea: i heard it was fantastic. and i know that you're happy and in love. i watch you on instagram, i see all your happiness in videos. >> i really am. he is amazing. i feel really lucky. and guillermo too.

[ cheers ] >> chelsea: i know, i know. but i'm not married yet, i'm not ready for that kind of commitment. i was surprised to hear -- how did you know you were ready to get married to somebody? >> when you know, you know. i thought i was just going to be single for forever, that was my plan. i wasn't looking for love and it just happened unexpectedly. >> chelsea: do you feel that anything has changed since you've been married? what are some things that you do that you haven't done, didn't do before you were married and his wife? >> we do all pretty much the same thing, it just feels more legit now. >> chelsea: would you go to the bathroom in front of each other? is that normal? [ laughter ] >> no. >> chelsea: no? >> no. >> chelsea: i'm doing that with my boyfriend now so why would we get married? know what i mean? >> well -- >> chelsea: that's not something you would ever be open to doing? >> no. never. i don't care how close i am with someone. >> chelsea: how long did your honeymoon go on for? it felt like it went on for six to seven months. [ laughter ] >> it was 7 1/2 weeks. >> chelsea: oh my god. look at you.

[ cheers ] >> yes. i deserved it. i've been working really hard and it was my first vacation in a long time. >> chelsea: yeah, you do condeserve it, you do work hard. people used to joke about you not working hard, but you work really hard, that's why you're a bad-ass, that's why i do respect you. >> thank you. [ cheercheers ] >> chelsea: you were at britney spears' wedding recently too? >> right. [ cheers ] >> chelsea: you almost had a conflict and weren't able to make that wedding, right? >> yeah, i was asked by president biden and their team to go deejay for, like, that summit dinner with all the leaders of the world. but it was the same night of britney's wedding. then i'm like, no, i'm not going to miss that. they're like, we'll send a helicopter, you can fly forth. i'm not going to be the one landing in and out of britney's wedding in a helicopter. [ laughter ] like, come on. so i had to cancel on the president. sorry. [ cheers and applause ]

>> chelsea: that's a bold move. did you tell them why you were canceling, that it was an emergency? it was an emergency because conspiracy was getting married? >> yeah. >> chelsea: how was that wedding? i saw a picture. can you throw up a picture of all the women who were there? madonna, selena gomez -- [ cheers ] >> really one of the most iconic nights of my life. >> chelsea: i saw a photo where it looked like you were really emotional, were you? >> seeing her walk down the aisle, this angel who's had a horrible time these past 13 years, to have her freedom, be able to do what she wants, have her happy. it was just beautiful. >> chelsea: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] who got the most intoxicated out of that group of women? >> it wasn't about the drink, it was more about the dancing and the singing. >> chelsea: who was singing? >> madonna, selena and i, everyone was singing. >> chelsea: do you know -- how do you know britney spears

originally? >> we've been friends for over two decades. >> chelsea: do you remember how you met her? >> she -- we just met from back in the day. then i remember -- one of the first pictures of us was my grandfather's, she came over, we were hanging out, we've been close ever since. >> chelsea: were you able to keep in touch with her during this time of everything going on with her family and her situation? >> yeah. >> chelsea: and be a support system to her? >> yes. >> chelsea: that's good. what about you and having children? >> i can't wait. >> chelsea: oh, really? >> yes. >> chelsea: i thought you were going to say you're not going to have children. >> no, i really, really -- i've always wanted to have a family, i just never found the right person to do it with. so i can't wait for that next step. very soon. >> chelsea: are you guys working on that currently? >> yes. >> chelsea: or looking to get impregnated in the fall, like is there a time frame? >> have to deejay at tomorrowland, so the summer's not good for me. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: tell me what your schedule is like deejaying. people don't realize how intense it is and they don't take

deejaying seriously as a job unless they've been to one of your events. >> it's crazy. i used to have to play 4:30 to 6:30th deejay set, change into a swim set, 6:45 to 8:30, spring foam and laying music at the same time, minute foam party. yeah, it's very late nights. now that i'm grown up, i'm not really into that. >> chelsea: i've been to ibiza once, i came back, i was brain dead. [ laughter ] you can deejay for shorter periods of time? you don't have to be out the whole night? >> no, i do earlier sets now. >> chelsea: do you bring your boyfriend, sorry, your husband? i can't get past the fact that you're married. did you bring your husband to your work? >> my husband and i go everywhere with each other. but sometimes if it's really haight late and he has to wake up early, i'll go quickly and come back home. >> chelsea: you know who else goes everywhere with their wife? dr. phil and his wife, they do everything together. [ laughter ] >> oh. i'm not acting like him. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: i'm warning you, you want to stay away from that kind of behavior, i don't want you to turn into [ bleep ] dr. phil

either. [ laughter and applause ] >> me either. >> chelsea: we'll be right back with prit after this. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by planet oat oak milk. psoriatic arthritis, made my joints stiff, swollen, painful. emerge tremfyant®. tremfya® is approved to help reduce joint symptoms in adults with active psoriatic arthritis. some patients even felt less fatigued. serious allergic reactions may occur. tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> chelsea: welcome back. i am here with paris hilton. paris, you have a new -- you brought me a present. >> i did. >> chelsea: you have a new track suit line? >> yep. >> chelsea: oh my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] >> you're the first one to get this new iconic track suit.

>> chelsea: oh my god, i love gifts. especially when i'm hosting for somebody else, it should be for them. >> you are a boss babe. >> chelsea: oh, yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> so comfortable. >> chelsea: how come is that? actually, i had a wedding gift for you that jimmy left for you, i forgot to give to it you. a gift card to marriott for two nights. [ laughter ] >> i only stay in hilton. >> chelsea: give it back to me, i'll use it. guillermo, do you want to use this? >> guillermo: sure, yeah. >> chelsea: here, i'll put it right here. >> okay, i'll get it after. >> chelsea: okay, thanks. guillermo gave me a little bit of tequila before the show so i'm a little bit off balance. tell me about what you did with -- i know that you got a bunch of animals once by accident? in vegas? did you do that? did you get a bunch of animals once and drive them home? >> when i was 19, i went to vegas, this exotic pet store. i bought a goat and two parrots. >> chelsea: on a whim? were you wasted? >> no, just in the afternoon. [ laughter ] then i went to the airport and they're like, you cannot bring these all on the plane, this is not a traveling zoo.

i had to literally get in a limo with all these animals, driving in six hours of traffic, because it was new year's, home to l.a. with all these pets. . >> chelsea: i -- that's pretty funny. did you keep those pets them? >> i kept them. the goat is at my ranch. it grew horns and big udder things. [ laughter ] is there a picture of the goat? >> chelsea: yes, there is a picture of the goat, sorry. it's a little baby goat, right? >> yes, billie. >> chelsea: a billy goat? >> he was so cute in the beginning. >> chelsea: i once forgot my dog when i went to canada. i didn't know you could take dogs to canada. i thought they had to go to quarantine. turns out that's only for the uk. they said, where are your dogs? i was like, i didn't know i could bring them. i only had one dog at the time, chump. so i said my dog -- i know this is not very relatable. i chartered a private plane for just my dog. [ laughter ] and i flew him to canada to meet

me. when they landed and i picked my dog up, the pilot came out and he just said, "i want to show you the plane manifest where it lists the passengers." it just said "chunk handler." he said, imagine our shock when we saw one dog wearing a seat belt. [ laughter ] and i was like, well, you know what? i didn't know that i could bring him. so that was the kind of money i was willing to burn to be with my animals. i know how you feel about your animals because you rescue a lot of animals. >> yes. >> chelsea: do you have any new ones? >> no. no, crypto and ether are my new pomeranians. >> chelsea: i met them when i was at your house. >> those were the newest ones. >> chelsea: nikki, your sister, is pregnant? >> yeah. >> chelsea: isn't she due during the show right now? >> she literally could be going into labor right now. >> chelsea: i know she's going into labor, i induced her earlier this afternoon. [ laughter ] i don't know if you know this, i'm a doula. >> you are? >> chelsea: yes, i am. when you get pregnant and you want somebody chill to go

through your pregnancy with that will also possibly have mushrooms, eye was ka, whatever you need, i'm your girl. [ laughter ] >> seems really calming and safe. >> chelsea: it depends what kind of personality you have. i find mushrooms very calming and safe. other people freak out. ican't speak for everybody else. are you going to be able to change diapers and everything for your sister when she has her baby? >> um -- >> chelsea: have you ever done that? >> no, not yet. >> chelsea: come on, you've changed a diaper. >> no, because it's not my kid. i'd feel weird -- can i change your kid's diaper? no one's ever asked me to do that. never had to offer it. >> chelsea: it is your sister. >> maybe i'll practice it. i don't know. >> chelsea: it's your sister. you're going to want to change her diaper, even once, just to pretend that you're down for that, you know what i mean? >> okay. >> chelsea: don't you think? >> i don't know. i never thought about that. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: maybe it's not going to happen, then. okay. nikki, if you're watching from your hospital bed, i'll change your diaper. [ laughter ] i'll change your diaper but not your baby's diaper. [ laughter ]

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> chelsea: welcome back. earlier this month, "variety" named our next guest as one of its "top 10 comics to watch for 2022." he's also an artist, singer, podcaster, and possessor of a remarkable mustache. please welcome the very funny matteo lane.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> chelsea: oh, you are in for such a treat because you are such a treat. >> oh my god, thank you, i'm single. [ cheers ] and obviously a flaming homosexual. >> chelsea: that must be very exciting. i know how much you love paris hilton. >> i was losing it. my gaye friends were back there waiting for her. a bunch of anxious guys looking to see a comet. >> chelsea: she was talking about also one of your other favorites, britney spears' wedding. i know thank you sitting backstage imagining what it must have been like to be at that wedding. nobody would have enjoyed being at that wedding than mateo lane. >> she would have been kicking me out and i would have been screaming and crying. i'm obsessed with britney

spears. >> chelsea: do you britney spears? ♪ arrgh arrgh ♪ [ cheers and applause ] first of all, happy birthday. >> thank you, it's my birthday. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> chelsea: yes. it's your birthday. and you posted this beautiful photo of his birthday yesterday on his instagram account. >> i did. >> chelsea: can we throw that up? [ cheers ] you post a lot of nudes, i post a lot of nudes, we have that in common. >> very freeing and a great advertisement for finding a husband. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: i think so. how else are you going to get one unless you put your goods out there and show them? you're a gay man, that's what gay men are looking for. >> this is it, requires nothing else, no intellect. can you sing? i don't care, show me your ass. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: but you have all these talents. you were in italy, he's italian, he speaks fluent italian. most cometics can't even speak

english. [ laughter ] in italy for three weeks? >> three weeks and i had -- i went on -- my mom is italian, also mexican, so a deli worker. [ laughter ] i sound gay but my voice should sound like, "my friend!" [ laughter ] i went on my first date -- i'd they have been on a date in italy, i went on a proper date. >> chelsea: i see. >> okay, wait, all right. so he -- his name is giuseppe. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: of course it is. >> "tim" is not coming to pick me up. "mateo, i pick you up on my ve vespa, i show you all of roma." i was lizzy mcguire. [ cheers ] i was on the back of that ve vespa -- ♪ this is what dreams are made of ♪ it was amazing. you've been to italy. have you ever been on the back of a vespa going through traffic in italy? >> chelsea: yes, wearing a toga

that almost got caught in the motor. my stupid ex-boyfriend thought it would be funny for us to dress in togas and walk through rome like dickheads. yeah i'll do that! riding through that circle where the traffic is, the toga was getting caught under the wheel. i'm going to get decapitated! [ laughter ] >> italy in a nutshell. it is -- the traffic is horrifying. >> chelsea: crazy. >> it's like going through the asteroid field in "the millennium fall come." like c3po, "our chances of survival --" talking with our hands. he has one hand up while we're going through hell, yelling in italian. it was great. we got back to the hotel, you know. usually for gay men it's like, let's have sex. he was so italian, "no, it is 4:00 p.m., now we take a nap." [ laughter ] >> chelsea: no sex? >> no sex. took a nap and had coffee, this might be the best date i've ever

had in my entire life. [ cheers and applause ] >> chelsea: wow, that's huge. so are you going to see -- did you see him again? >> no. the last text he sent, "i now go back to my island." what island? [ laughter ] i don't know where he is. >> it's a wrap on that, okay. well, good. i'm surprised to hear you say the best date you ever had didn't include sex. >> i know, well, that's two separate things. >> chelsea: i guess that's a wholesome nice date and those are good once in a while as well. did you ever do stand-up in italy? since you speak italian? have you tried that? >> ye, i did. my friend francesco, italian comedian, was like, we'll do it in italian. sure, i'll translate my jokes. an old joke, my name is mateo, i went to starbucks, they asked for my name and wrote "potato." when you hear potato, that's when you stop writing on the cup. that's when you say to yourself, i heard potato.

[ laughter ] i'll just traps late it. and i was in rome doing this show. and i'm in the middle. [ speaking italian ] and i was like, oh, they don't have starbucks in italy, number one. [ laughter ] number two, to them, a cup of coffee is a little glass cup. why would you write your name on an espress sew cup? and potato and mateo don't wrim rhyme in italian. so i looked like a complete idiot. >> chelsea: you were telling me about the hand gestures, like gestures mean like a whole thing, right, in italy? >> yeah, go like that, this is perfect. go like this, then pull. that's perfect. "perfecto." something tastes good, you go like this. like, tastes yummy. and this is gay. [ laughter ] just flick your -- my favorite word in italian is gay. it's "gay" with an italian

accent, like "guay." it's true. you hear italians talk -- [ speaking italian ] guay. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: how many languages do you speak? >> four and a half-ish, kind of. >> chelsea: what's the half language? >> i studied german and it was rough. >> chelsea: i tried to study german, then i remembered that i'm a jew and i'm not interested in learning it. [ laughter and applause ] it is harsh. it's a harsh language. my mother was german, but she didn't speak german because my dad was jewish. when she did speak it it sounded beautiful. then i heard german, the stereotypical german, and i was like, oh, god, that is really scary sounding. >> yeah, it's -- you know, and also -- i had a great teacher. herr katzenmyer. he was from austria. he didn't speak english to us. we walked in, this strange man speaking german.

oh, god. but it was great. i think it was also, you know -- it's kind of gay-sounding. it was perfect for me. [ laughter and applause ] >> chelsea: it is a little gay-sounding. well, you're just a delight. thank you so much, mateo. you can find mateo's tour schedule on -- matteolanecomedy.com. we'll be right back with music from aespa. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" mercedes eq.es is presented by - all electric, all mercedes.

>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series presented by mercedes eq. >> chelsea: that's all the time we've got. i want to thank paris hilton and matteo lane. i'll be back tomorrow with taron egerton and kelsea ballerini. "nightline" is next but first, their album is called "girls." here with the song "life's too short," aespa! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ all of this discussion talking about nothing you would ever ♪

♪ say to my face you think your words are gospel but they're ♪ ♪ only trouble i ain't got the time to waste ♪ ♪ you need to get a life cause life's too short you must be bored ♪ ♪ out your mind you should really take that nonsense ♪ ♪ somewhere else cause you've got to realize ♪ ♪ i'm doing me regardless and i don't care what you say about it ♪ ♪ and it don't matter if you like it or not i'm having all this fun so ♪ ♪ why would i ever stop doing me regardless no i don't care what ♪ ♪ you say about it and imma do it any way that i want ♪ ♪ i'm having all this fun so why would i ever stop some people are so mean ♪ ♪ all behind a phone screen when we're tryna live our lives ♪ ♪ why you gotta be so vicious be about your business ♪ ♪ 'stead of getting up in mine you need to get a life ♪ ♪ cause life's too short you must be bored

out your mind ♪ ♪ you should really take that nonsense somewhere else ♪ ♪ cause you've got to realize i'm doing me regardless ♪ ♪ and i don't care what you say about it and it don't matter if you ♪ ♪ like it or not i'm having all this fun so why would i ever stop ♪ ♪ doing me regardless no i don't care what you say about it ♪ ♪ and imma do it any way that i want i'm having all this fun so ♪ ♪ why would i ever stop doing me regardless doing me regardless ♪ ♪ why i would ever stop ♪ ♪ oh well it won't turn your glitter into gold so why ♪ ♪ are you wasting your time mmm you should find some better seeds to sow ♪ ♪ they might grow one day but either way

i'm doing me regardless ♪ ♪ and i don't care what you say about it and it don't matter ♪ ♪ if you like it or not i'm having all this fun so why would i ever stop ♪ ♪ doing me regardless no i don't care what you say about it ♪ ♪ and imma do it any way that i want i'm having all this fun so ♪ ♪ why would i ever stop doing me regardless life's too short ♪ ♪ doing me regardless doing me regardless woo woo woo ♪ ♪ why would i ever stop ♪ ♪ doing me regardless woo woo woo ♪ ♪ doing me regardless woo woo woo ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, r. kelly sentenced. the superstar turned convicted sexual predator facing 30 years behind bars. >> this is a significant outcome for all victims of r. kelly. >> one survivor who helped secure justice speaks out. >> i never thought that i would be here to see him be held accountable. plus the reality after roe. a patchwork of abortion bans leading to confusion and closed doors. how far one woman went to have a choice. >> i immediately knew i didn't want to proceed with this pregnancy. >> breaking the law by taking an abortion pill. now some leaving the country. as legal abortions end in the state at the center of this decision.