everyone. "jimmy kimmel live," with guest >> lou: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live," with guest host chelsea handler. tonight, joey king! megan stalter! and music from anees. with cleto and the cletones! and now, chelsea handler! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> chelsea: thank you! thank you, thank you! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. sit down! welcome to "jimmy kimmel live," everybody. i am your guest host, chelsea

handler. [ cheers and applause ] i will be here all week long. or at least until republicans make it illegal for women to talk. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy is off right now doing whatever the [ bleep ] he wants with his body. [ laughter ] remember like five days ago when fox news told us the biggest threat facing america was drag queens? that was cute. [ laughter ] at this point i probably have more rights if my vagina was an ar-15. [ applause ] as some of you may have heard, the supreme court overturned roe v. wade on friday. [ audience boos ] there were massive protests all across the country this weekend and here in l.a. too.

droves of americans took to the streets, and even in the face of such adversity, countless women were able to turn their anger into some very creative posters. "you didn't like wearing a mask. imagine being forced to have a baby." [ cheers and applause ] "pregnancy begins with a penis. regulate that." [ applause ] "don't like abortions? ignore them like you ignore school shootings." [ applause ] "i won't carry his load." [ laughter and applause ] and "get off my lawn." [ applause ] not only has this decision further divided our country, most families now have two separate group texts going. one with relatives who support the rights of women. and one with the relatives who live in florida. [ laughter and applause ] a lot of women have been removing menstruation apps from their phones because if they get

an abortion, they're worried law enforcement might use the data to track and prosecute them. i also deleted my menstruation app but mostly because i'm on the eve of menopause. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] guillermo, did you delete your menstruation app? >> guillermo: my what? [ laughter ] >> chelsea: we'll talk later. >> guillermo: all right. [ laughter ] >> friday's decision has made me a very strong advocate of the pull-out method, which is when you pull clarence thomas out of the supreme court. [ cheers and applause ] justice thomas said contraception rights and gay rights might need to be overturned as well. you know, so gay people will stop getting so pregnant. [ laughter ] i was thinking to myself, who would ever marry a pig like clarence thomas? and then i saw this headline. "ginni thomas didn't just praise maga supporters on january 6th. she actually attended the stop the steal rally." that's right.

she was working behind the scenes to overturn a democratic election. isn't it so beautiful when two disgusting and awful people find each other? [ laughter and applause ] they are the ultimate abuse of power couple. [ laughter ] it's especially upsetting when you think of how we got here. three of the judges who voted to overturn the ruling were appointed by a man with over a dozen sexual assault accusations who lost the popular vote twice, was impeached twice, and attempted a coup because he's a little fat big baby loser. [ cheers and applause ] we need to do something about this and we need to do it soon, because i cannot have nancy pelosi e-mailing me 500 times a day. [ laughter ] pelosi responded to the decision friday by doing the most radical thing the speaker of the house can do. she read a poem. [ laughter ] a poem that she also read after the insurrection.

that's called a whoopsy-doodle, nancy. [ laughter ] we are facing the biggest rollback of american rights in a century and she's searching her g-mail for that one poem that always fixes everything. [ laughter ] and while nancy pelosi was doing a congressional poetry slam, republicans were taking a victory lap and looking ahead to all the terrible things they can do if they take back the house in the midterms. none more so than minority leader kevin mccarthy. >> if you were speaker and house republicans win the majority, what are some of te abortion bills that you would put on the floor? >> well, first and foremost, i believe in saving every life possible. we will continue to look wherever we can go to save as many lives as possible. >> chelsea: just as long as that life doesn't need baby formula, affordable health care, or a place to learn without getting shot. [ cheers and applause ] by the way, kevin mccarthy, since you mention it, let's talk about what it means to be pro life. universal health care. that's pro life. restricting guns, that's also pro life. fighting climate change. that's also pro life.

listening to doctors during a pandemic. also pro life. not forcing women to give birth like livestock. pro life. but your party opposes all of those things. calling republicans pro life is like calling o.j. simpson pro wife. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] we also got an exciting reaction to the court's decision from the worst woman in the world, marjorie taylor greene. >> your reaction to the ruling? >> yes. and i think it's an answer to prayer. it's a blessing from god. and this is the right thing to do. the court, they are so courageous. hi. praise god. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: don't drag god into this, okay? no god would be on board with marjorie taylor greene. even jesus christ is like "jesus christ, you're awful." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

and by the way, i'm speaking from experience on all of this as someone who had three abortions in high school. and if that sounds too extreme, let's pretend i had two. [ laughter ] because here's the thing. this planet is a much safer place without me polluting it with my children. [ laughter ] i'm responsible enough to know that we don't need any more pothead molly-loving alcoholics running around topless. i get that. [ laughter ] right, guillermo? >> guillermo: right, chelsea. i agree with you, yes. [ applause ] >> chelsea: these republicans are taking one hell of a victory lap. in texas the state attorney general closed his office early on friday and declared an official holiday to celebrate roe being overturned. the holiday will fall right between their other big holidays, whites only wednesday and st. handgun's day. [ laughter ] so far the roe v. wade day doesn't have a name, but just spitballing here i have a few ideas. forced labor day. national women's rights are

history month. deliver your baby at work day. misogyny-easter. spawnica. the vaginal unequalinox. girl harbor day. and then wrap up your "d" and stuff it? your own [ bleep ] day. [ applause ] in reaction to friday's decision a lot of companies announced they are coming -- or they are covering travel costs for their employees who need to get out of state to get an abortion, including apple, disney, the u.s. ski and snowboard teams, starbucks, even bumble and lyft, which is the least they could do considering bumble and lyft are often how you get pregnant. [ laughter ] dick's sporting goods also put out a very strong statement supporting their female employees. "don't worry, ladies, dicks got us into this and dick's are going to get us out." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the real victim this weekend was my boo, rudy giuliani. did you see what happened to my

baby? rudy was at a shop-rite in staten island doing a campaign event for his son when he was accosted by an employee who was upset about the ruling. fortunately, he lived to repeatedly tell the tale. >> it was a shock. the guy hit me really hard. knocked me forward about two or three steps. >> i got hit on the back as if a boulder hit me. >> and all of a sudden i feel a shot at my back like somebody shot me. >> my injuries are a very sore back. swelling. i'm going to go see my doctor a little later today to make sure there are no more permanent injuries. >> chelsea: so that's rudy's version. and now lt's look at the security camera footage of the incident. this is what actually happened. [ laughter ] [ applause ] um, that was not a slap. rudy's penis took a harder beating in borat.

[ laughter ] a lot of americans are wondering what they can do to help. and one easy way is to consider making a donation to planned parenthood. but in addition to that, i think we should do something even more substantial because women are tired of having our bodies legislated by men who've never had a uterus, have never carried a baby full term, and have never breast-fed even a cabbage patch kid. [ applause ] so i thought i would suggest some laws to legislate men's bodies, see how they like it. does that sound good? guillermo, bring me my robe. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, guillermo. okay. >> guillermo: okay? >> chelsea: yes, yes. i love it. i'm having chuy flashbacks right now. >> guillermo: oh, my god. you're doing a great job. >> chelsea: oh, thank you. what are you doing? >> guillermo: fantastic. i'm doing great. >> chelsea: is this white part supposed to go around my neck? >> guillermo: yeah.

>> chelsea: okay. here we go. do you want me to help you zip? >> guillermo: yeah. >> chelsea: okay. >> guillermo: hold on. this is -- hold on. [ laughter ] it's going to take a long time. >> chelsea: okay. here. i can see. >> guillermo: i think i had too many tequila shots. >> chelsea: well, bring me a tequila shot. i love alcohol. >> guillermo: oh, my god. >> chelsea: did you hear anything i just said? >> guillermo: yeah, i did. i'll bring you one after the commercial. >> chelsea: okay, thanks. just take your time. [ laughter ] we've got all week. >> guillermo: oh, yeah. i did have too much tequila here. >> chelsea: thanks, guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] okay. i want my rbg collar to be exposed. okay. from now on, no more vasectomies. if you want to stop having children, tie your penis in a knot. [ applause ] and if you can't tie your penis in a knot, you're not a real ma. [ laughter ] if you get a woman pregnant, you

have to wear a leech on your scrotum for up to nine months and then breast-feed it. [ applause ] every time you masturbate you have to throw a funeral for your kleenex. [ applause ] every man must now speak to a trained counselor before they're allowed to grow a soul patch, also known as a flavor saver. either way, disgusting. [ applause ] your penis size will now appear on your driver's license. they will measure it in a freezing room in the back of the dm. [ applause ] if you are a texas senator who accidentally likes porn on twitter, you must undergo a pelvic ultrasound to prove that you did not ejaculate. [ applause ] anytime a man asks a woman to smile, he loses three teeth. [ applause ]

men now have to get bimonthly butthole waxings, just for fun. [ applause ] and lastly, white men don't get to vote for the next 150 years. [ cheers and applause ] we've got a good show for you tonight. here."hacks," megan stalter is - we have music from anees. and we'll be right back with joey king. [ cheers and applause ] [ music: "good time" by anthony ramos ] bodies that look like this. also move like this. rise like this. flex like this. and this. and this. ♪ ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] >> chelsea: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i am chelsea handler. tonight from "hacks" on hbo max, megan stalter is with us. [ cheers and applause ]

then later, his song is called "sun and moon." anees on the mercedes stage. [ cheers and applause ] i will be here all week with my guests paris hilton, simu liu, taren egerton and jon lovitz with music from aespa, jelly roll and kelsea ballerini. and i'll also be on the road with my "vaccinated and horny tour." tickets available at chelseahandler.com. [ cheers and applause ] you know our first guest from movies like "ramona and beezus" and the "kissing booth" trilogy. you would think by the third one they'd at least be doing some light groping, but no. [ laughter ] anyway, she is now swapping kissing for kicking ass in the action-packed fairy tale "the princess." it premieres friday on hulu. please welcome joey king. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> oh, wow. i heard a rumor that you like me. is that true? >> chelsea: yes. yes. that's true. that's why i wanted you to be here on my very special hosting guest week. i requested you. >> i heard that. and i was like, surely not. >> chelsea: well, i saw you in that really screwed up movie "the act," where you were basically poisoned by your mother, patricia arquette. did you guys see "the act"? [ cheers and applause ] and i just thought wow, that was just a phenomenal acting job. and so i'm so excited you have something coming out. and i'm so excited to hear that you're newly engaged. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> chelsea: congratulations. >> oh, wow. read it and weep -- >> chelsea: yeah, that's beautiful. i know you are excited. i can tell. you should be excited. >> i cannot stop staring at it. it's like -- oh, so pretty. >> chelsea: so how recent is this? >> he proposed on our three-year anniversary, which was february 2nd.

february 2nd, 2022. 2-2-22. [ cheers and applause ] and i was so -- just like i get so giddy when i think about it. i just start crying when i thinking about our wedding. i'm so happy. >> chelsea: aren't you also 22 years old? >> i'm 22. >> chelsea: so 22, 22, 22. >> i didn't even think about that. >> chelsea: i can do other math for you as well. [ laughter ] and who is this man you're marrying? >> his name is steven piet. you mentioned "the act." that's how we met. he was the director on "the act." and i pursued him and i asked him -- i waited till the end of shooting to ask him out. but to my delight he was interested as well. and so now we're getting married. [ cheers and applause ] >> chelsea: aw. that's sweet. and did you do one of those proposals where you film everything so you can play it back on instagram or with your family? >> actually, okay, so he like set up like a self-timer camera and we were in the desert taking photos together. and then i started like shooting

make-believe hoops and i was just sitting in the corner of the desert -- the corner of the desert. just being like kobe. and he's like joey? i turned around. he was on one knee. and our camera was sitting right there. and the camera stopped taking photos right when he got down on one knee. so we've got nothing. but honestly, it's okay. i really like that that moment was just for us. i'm okay with that. >> chelsea: but isn't he -- no. [ laughter ] isn't he a director? >> yeah. >> chelsea: well, that's a pretty bad sign if he can't -- >> i know. >> chelsea: the most important moment in his whole life he screws up the camera work on? >> i have no words. i mean, he's -- he's such an idiot. you know what i mean? [ laughter ] >> chelsea: well, yeah. remember that on your wedding day. >> such an idiot. >> chelsea: so now what happens? now you have to plan like a bachelorette weekend and do all the wedding things? >> i do. well, my sisters are going to be in charge of the bachelorette stuff. but honestly i'm a little nervous because my sister kelly, my oldest sister, her plan before -- because i turned 21 during the pandemic. she wanted to kidnap me, put a bag over my head and take me to vegas. well, that didn't happen.

and because of that i feel like she's going to -- i feel like she's going to take me to a place where there's a bunch of [ bleep ] in my face, and i really don't want to do that. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: that's so passe, right? >> i don't know what that word means. >> chelsea: it means like out of style. like no one wants [ bleep ] in their faces anymore. [ laughter ] basically how it is. especially after friday. we definitely don't want [ bleep ]s in our faces. [ cheers and applause ] >> i definitely don't want any [ bleep ]s in my face after friday. i'm hoping they keep it -- listen, whatever they do i'll enjoy but i just don't want to go to one of those places. but if they take me there i'll enjoy it. >> chelsea: what about one of those blown-up penises where you have to sip out of the straw? are you down with that? >> of course. what, am i boring? [ laughter ] of course i'm down with that. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: just checking. i don't know what you're into. >> you want to find out? >> chelsea: yeah, yeah -- oh, very sexual turn, unexpected. what kind of partying do you get up to? do you like to party? do you do anything more than alcohol? edibles, are you interested in that? >> yes. i'm not a party girl, but i love me an edible.

i have -- i've actually -- there was something i like wasn't planning on talking about tonight, but i think enough time has passed. i was never going to tell this story. i never wanted it to see the light of day. on my last day of filming "kissing booth" 2 and 3 i took an edible while we were still filming, it was very unprofessional. i had like seven more setups left. sen more shots to do. and my friend taylor who played marco, he wasn't working and he took one too, and i got like so violently high. >> chelsea: up top, girl, up top. i love that. [ applause ] >> you know when you get high like -- i know. you know the high like when you're really high all you know how to say is "i'm so high"? that's where i was at. i was so -- and then i was like supposed to hang out with other people but i just wound up sitting in my hotel room eating shortbread walker cookies and going to bed. i was the most well rested out of everyone. everyone was hung over. i slept great. it was very unprofessional but --

>> chelsea: you know what i mean? i think once you have a job for a certain period of time you've earned the right to have a little wiggle room with how you want to play it. >> if you're a fan of "kissing booth," you know it, i took it during the scene where me and my best friend lee are on the boardwalk having a heart to heart about why i lied to him about college. i was just like so f-ing high. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: and do you think anyone in the production besides watching this tonight and finding out, did anyone -- were they on to you? >> oh, my god, my director's going to find out tonight. he did say to me, are you okay, honey? you're acting like a little -- are you okay? and i was like -- then that made me so paranoid. and i was like oh my god, everyone knows. i'm so high. all i can think about is how high i am. >> chelsea: is this the same director that proposed to you, that you're marrying? >> no. different director. [ laughter ] different guy. >> chelsea: oh, good. sometimes i'm so high at my house that my dogs look at me. they look at me and they're like, why are you in charge of us? [ laughter ]

you know? >> when i'm high, i feel like my dogs and i are like on the same level. i feel like i'm like oh, now i get it. now i know what it's like to be you. >> chelsea: yeah. i feel like that when i do mushrooms. i feel like when i do mushrooms, everyone else is also on mushrooms and then i think, what a glorious world. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's what i feel when i do mushrooms. >> chelsea: yes! we'll have more with joey king after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by planet oat oat milk. let's see the damage., sle, oh! that's not good. you sound... tired. oh, thanks. what? when did i- morning! oh, great. there's two of them. good days start with good nights. so i would ask your doctor about both. calling doctor johannes. no, please, i can do that. all right?

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ah! [ cheers and applause ] >> chelsea: that's a bad-ass. i like watching that. that must have felt really good. how does it feel to kick a man's ass like that? >> it feels so good. actually, that's one of my favorite scenes too because it was our oner. that was all in one take. it was so much fun to prepare for. i loved making this movie. i didn't know i had all that fight in me but i do. >> chelsea: oh, that's cool. it's fun to know as a woman that you have a lot of inner strength, that we don't necessarily always tap into, right? >> i was actually very nervous about making this movie. i've never trained for fighting before, stunt training. and so like doing this i feel like i was so insecure about it and then i really found my stride and became super confident with my fight skills. and i was just so happy with it. >> chelsea: and you can't do a scene like that high. so you've never been high during that. oh. >> let's talk about some more

drugs. [ laughter ] let's just keep talking. while we're on the subject, let's just keep talking about drugs. there was actually one day. it was one of my -- [ laughter ] well, hang on. just wait. i'm going to tell you what happened. i woke up at 4:00 in the morning. i started crying. oh, my god, my back, i threw out my back. i was like, i don't know what happened. and i had a big fight scene that day but i went to set and i couldn't even turn like this. so i talked to the medic, i was like, i don't know what to do i just need some relief. so they were like here is this, it's a muscle relaxer. and i was like, oh. but everything was in bulgarian because that's where we shot the movie. and i was like i don't know what's in this. i couldn't read any of it. and i was like godspeed. i took it. i was yet again so high at work. [ laughter ] and i did some of my best fighting that day. i really did. i kept watching the monitor after each take because i was just soaring and i was like, wow. i am killing this. i am crushing this.

[ laughter ] >> chelsea: and did you ever find out what you took? was it a quaalude? >> i don't know. >> chelsea: i don't think they make quaaludes anymore. but i once took a quaalude and it felt like i could do anything and also nothing at the same time. >> i felt -- i mean, my back wasn't hurting. i felt great. >> chelsea: and how did your back feel the next day? >> it was pretty messed up, actually. i don't know what happened. you can't really make a movie like that and be like, i'm going to come out unscathed. >> chelsea: well, that's good for you. that's bad-ass. so you have a movie coming out with brad pitt, right? >> i do. it's been a busy summer for me. i'm very excited. >> chelsea: yeah, well, brad pitt is not attractive. you have nothing to look forward to. [ laughter ] i find him annoying, actually. just his looks. i'm not impressed. >> his stupid beautiful face is so stupid and dumb. >> chelsea: yeah, yeah. it's a good thing you're engaged, you know what i'm saying? >> yeah. it's a good thing. even though his face is so dumb. >> chelsea: what's this movie about? i've seen the preview in the theaters. >> yeah. "bullet train."

it's a fun one. i'm telling you. it is so -- first of all, i mean, all jokes aside, obviously brad pitt's the coolest and this movie is so cool. i get to play an assassin in an action movie led by brad pitt. it's like that's -- it's like hollywood. like everything that encompasses the word hollywood is what you imagine that to be. and it was so much fun to make. >> chelsea: yeah, i bet it was. i just still can't believe you're 22 years old and you're getting married. [ laughter ] >> i mean, by the time i get married i'll be 23, maybe a little older. >> chelsea: yeah. stretch out that engagement as long as you can. you know what i mean? i don't want to seem like maternal because i'm not. yeah, you want to stretch out that engagement. 22 is so young. >> everyone keeps asking me like when's the wedding, when's the wedding? like literally we called my grandmother after we got engaged. i'm like, grandma, we're engaged. she's like, when's the wedding? and i was like, grandma, i just got engaged. and i always tell people, you're only -- well, you hope you're only engaged once. you don't know. but it's -- i love being engaged. once you're married you're married forever but you're only

engaged for a little bit of time. >> chelsea: right. and do you guys live together yet? >> we do. we live together. >> chelsea: you're living in sin. [ laughter ] >> yes. we are having all the premarital sex and -- >> chelsea: oh, my god. cover your ears, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my god. don't say that. the republicans are going to come and kidnap you. >> oh, my god. where are they? >> chelsea: oh my goodness. >> you said the word. i'm scared. >> chelsea: you're just a delight to talk to. congratulations on all of your success. i'm so excited for you. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, joey. "the princess" premieres friday on hulu. and we're going to be right back with megan stalter. for people living with h-i-v, keep being you. and ask your doctor about biktarvy. biktarvy is a complete, one-pill, once-a-day treatment used for h-i-v in certain adults. it's not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights h-i-v to help you get to and stay undetectable. that's when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. research shows people who take h-i-v treatment every day

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>> chelsea: welcome back. our next guest plays the hilariously incompetent assistant on the emmy award-winning show "hacks." >> so if you're not going to get behind this special, fine. i'll do it on my own. i quit. >> and so do i! >> no. no, she doesn't -- no, you don't. no, she doesn't.

>> i'm coming with you. >> no, you don't. >> if jimmy quits i quit too. >> no, she doesn't quit. she's staying here. but i am taking silas. grab your bag. let's get out of this place, okay? >> oh, no, sorry, man, they just promoted me. >> come on! although you're very deserving, congrats. >> thanks so much. >> you heard it. we're out of here. and daddy, i will not be going heli-skiing in aspen this year. [ cheers and applause ] >> chelsea: seasons one and two of "hacks" are on hbo max now. please welcome megan stalter. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> chelsea: oh, hi. welcome. >> hi. [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: oh, my god. i love you on this show. >> i love you. i'm so in love with you. >> chelsea: i'm so in love with you. you are so funny.

>> thank you. >> chelsea: almost like the character was written specifically for you. and then i heard a rumor that it may have been written specifically for you. >> i think that maybe i was in mind. i had -- one of my friends is a writer on the show and sent me a screenshot during the audition process and it said "like megan stalter." kayla, think like megan stalter. so i'm sure there's a clip -- there's a bunch of auditions of people acting -- >> chelsea: like you? >> like a nutty girl. >> chelsea: that would be fun to watch. because i can't imagine anybody being nuttier than you. >> thank you. >> chelsea: in this role. you are one hot mess. and i appreciate that. >> thank you. the craziest b itch in the world. >> chelsea: yeah. also her instagram blew up during covid while a lot of people's instagrams blew up but you are one of my favorites to watch because every morning i would just log on and watch you do your thing. so if you're not following her on instagram you're missing out. do it. so you're from -- where are you from? what state are you from? >> i'm from ohio. i'm a midwest girl. [ cheers and applause ]

everyone here's from ohio. >> chelsea: we only have ohio audiences this week. [ laughter ] and what are you -- what's your family dynamic? do you have siblings? do you have -- >> yeah, i don't have kids. what if i had 12 kids? i have two sisters and a brother. and an amazing nephew. and we're all very funny. we used to make videos when i was little. and my mom and aunt used to make the same video every week and it would always be that they needed like gas medicine. and they'd be farting around the house. and then we'd get the camera and make like horror films or we'd do the same commercial or talk shows. and i would -- i was pretty controlling of the videos. i have lashed out at my siblings for not doing like the right joke. >> chelsea: right. you're directing them, basically. >> i'm basically the director and star. >> chelsea: and they're not listening to you. >> they're not listening. and i have tons of clips of me screaming at them. >> chelsea: and you recently directed your sister's birth?

[ laughter ] >> so -- well, i wasn't allowed to fully take the baby out. but -- >> chelsea: oh. >> when my nephew was born, oliver, i passed out in the labor and delivery room. and my -- basically what happened is i was instructed to hold her leg as she was pushing the child, who is my nephew, out of her body. and then my mom was on the other side of the room playing christian music toward her to make sure the baby comes out christian. [ laughter ] and then -- >> chelsea: and also when you're playing christian music you have to put it towards the person. it has to be facing the person. it has to be facing the person. that's how it sinks in more. >> fully has to be directly into the head and then goes down into the [ bleep ] and ends up -- [ laughter ] then i looked at my mom because i was so dizzy because i came -- i was driving from chicago to ohio trying to make it in time for the birth. he's 5 now. christian. but -- [ laughter ] look at my mom and i said, mom, i'm about to pass out. and she said, your sister needs you right now. and then my body collapsed.

and i woke up to her screaming above my body and she said -- told everyone that she caught me. and there's no way that she could have. and then a doctor came in and said do you need to be checked out? and she's like no, she's fine, i caught her. [ laughter ] and then i couldn't stop falling asleep the next day. >> chelsea: do you think that you were concussed? is that why you were falling asleep the next day? >> fully, i had a head injury. >> chelsea: you think your mother's a liar? >> my mother's a nurse. she should have been holding the leg. [ laughter ] >> imagine a nurse playing music while -- >> chelsea: i didn't even know you were supposed to hold the leg. why were you invited to do? a doula should be or a nurse or somebody that knows more about it than i do because if somebody invited me to their live birth, which is what i call a birth -- [ laughter ] i would not be open to doing any job requirement. you know what i mean? >> i should have been playing on my ipad or something. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: yeah. >> like a reception -- somebody that worked at panera bread would be more qualified to hold the leg than me. >> chelsea: you may as well have been asleep because you basically were. >> yeah. >> chelsea: so you have a

5-year-old nephew and do you have any other nieces or nephews? >> it's just him. and i recently was baby-sitting him last week and he now is -- he's really funny and really smart and he's been doing these impressions of us. but they're really mean and bitchy. and he would -- and of course like -- of course he doesn't mean this but he was like "hi, i'm megan. i'm fabulous. all i care about's my shows and fans." and then my brother is a tattoo artist. and he was like, i'm nick, i love tattoos, that's all i care about. and he was talking about our mom who he calls gigi. and he's like "hi, i'm gigi, i hate all my kids." [ laughter ] he must have heard us on the phone arguing. but like she loves us. my mom loves us. she's an amazing nurse. >> chelsea: yeah, she's an amazing christian music player. yeah. [ laughter ] and so what's your dating situation? do you have somebody in your life? because i think that would be a nice handful for somebody. you know? i can't wait to see who you end up with. >> yeah, i hope someone really not ugly and someone smart and

hot. no, i really care about humor and i think if you're really hot and you're not funny then you're boring. i'm flirting around. but recently -- well, okay, recently i had -- i was talking to this guy and he was a firefighter. he's a first responder. he's really hot. and we had a great date. and then a week later he sent me a picture of him laying in a hospital bed and said "i have injured my leg really bad. i think there's a fracture." and then i was like oh, so -- and then -- [ laughter ] i'm like, do you want me to hold your leg? [ laughter ] >> chelsea: is that what you responded? >> we didn't even have plans. there was no reason for him to lie. and the next day he sent me a voice memo and he's like "babe, i'm running around." running? he's like, i'm doing a hike, i'm running, i'm feeling great, how's your day? and i was like, don't you have a broken leg? and he was like oh, i wrapped i. [ laughter ]

and i think like he's hot enough to hook up again but i go, if you're lying about a broken leg -- >> chelsea: that's a pretty big lie you're going to find out about. [ laughter ] >> yeah, he would have to show up and i would say your leg -- you're standing up. >> chelsea: so what's the plan with this guy? when are you going to see him again? and can i come? [ laughter ] >> i think i'm either never going to see him again or we're going to have eight kids. he's a firefighter! [ cheers and applause ] no, he did send me some weird texts i'm not allowed to say out loud. but i think that i don't think i'll see him again. i want to date someone norm -- normal and not lying. >> chelsea: normalish and not lying. >> yeah. >> chelsea: that shouldn't be too hard to find. that's not a tall order, really. >> especially in l.a., los angeles. [ laughter ] >> chelsea: everyone has these kind of firefighter fantasies. they've been engrained in us. i was in a rental house in brentwood and there was an electrical fire outside my window and i had taken my edible for the night.

so i was loath to leave. and i just looked at the fire thinking, i hope this doesn't kill e. you know? [ laughter ] because i don't want -- and then when i went up to -- i called my friend and i said, there's an electrical fire outside of my house. and he was like, you have to get out of there now, it's so dangerous. and i'm like, i have to call the fire department? they're like i'll call the fire department for you. and they came and had to lift me because everything -- well, this is the fantasy everyone hopes comes true. and it happened to me in real time but it was like 12:30 in the morning and i was half in the bag. they carried me over the gate -- >> they were touching your body? >> chelsea: yeah. lifting me like a baby. they were lifting me like what's that game, light as a feather stiff as a board? >> yeah, lift the baby -- >> chelsea: and hook up. no, i would never hook up with a baby. and they lifted me over the gate of the house and i thought, well, this is what everyone's so excited to have happen and this is very anti-climactic. >> were you blushing? >> chelsea: no. i was too stoned to blush. you know what i mean? [ laughter ] >> it was like cartoon hot. firefighters aren't real.

>> chelsea: no, right, exactly. and when they show up you're like are you working part-time or full-time? [ laughter ] >> if you're going to lie, keep it interesting. i kind of do go for liars, but at least keep it interesting. >> chelsea: i think a broken leg when you don't have one is slightly interesting. >> that's why i want to hook up again. >> chelsea: and also you have a sitcom coming out, right? >> so i'm doing -- i'm developing a pilot with hbo max and a24 has called "church girls." because i love god but i'm also queer and i think that it's important to show that god wants us to have rights over our body and that, you know, every problem with church is the people and not like being connected to the universe. [ cheers and applause ] and i play like a -- a closeted lesbian who's in love with god but she's also like in love with women. i think it's really important. >> chelsea: well, good for you. congratulations on that. thank you, megan. "hacks" is on hbo max now.

[ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with music from anees. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes eq. all electric, all mercedes.

>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes e-q. all electric, all mercedes. >> chelsea: that's all the time we've got. i want to thank joey king and megan stalter. i'll be back tomorrow with simu liu and jon lovitz. with music from jelly roll. "nightline" is next, but first, here with the song "sun and moon," anees! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hey. "jimmy kimmel live," make some noise! ♪ yeah yeah ♪ ♪ baby baby you're my sun and moon girl you're everything between ♪ ♪ a lot of pretty faces could waste my time but you're my dream girl you make flowers bloom ♪ ♪ girl you make the stars collide and i don't know what i did to get lucky like this ♪ ♪ but it sure feels fine ♪ ♪ cause you give me love and affection i give you all my

protection ♪ ♪ i'm tryna stay by your side til the day i die ♪ ♪ and you give me all of your love and i give you all of my trust ♪ ♪ i know you'll never betray me or leave my side oh my ♪ ♪ baby baby you're my sun and moon girl you're everything between ♪ ♪ a lot of pretty faces could waste my time but you're my dream girl you make flowers bloom ♪ ♪ girl you make the stars collide ♪ ♪ and i don't know what i did to get lucky like this ♪ ♪ but it sure feels fine ♪ ♪ 'cause i see your face when i'm sleeping i wake up grateful to breathe in ♪ ♪ the air you float through i wrote you a lullaby ♪ ♪ a song to sing on your pillow swift as a swing on a willow ♪ ♪ my sweetest words are mere birds in your perfect sky oh my ♪

♪ baby baby you're my sun and moon girl you're everything between ♪ ♪ a lot of pretty faces could waste my time but you're my dream girl you make flowers bloom ♪ ♪ girl you make the stars collide ♪ ♪ and i don't know what i did to get lucky like this ♪ ♪ but it sure feels fine sure feels fine ♪ ♪ baby baby you're my sun and moon girl you're everything between ♪ ♪ a lot of pretty faces could waste my time but you're my dream girl you make flowers bloom ♪ ♪ girl you make the stars collide ♪ ♪ and i don't know what i did to get lucky like this ♪ ♪ but it sure feels fine oh my oh my ♪ ♪ oh my oh my oh my yeah oh my oh my baby baby you're mine ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i love y'all! thank you for having me.

tonight we're on both sides of the border on the heels of a major supreme court decision. we go inside the nation's frayed immigration system. our maria elena salinas is with those seeking asylum. the coyotes who smuggle them across. >> are you worried that what you're doing is illegal? >> the american towns caught in the middle. >> i don't fault them for wanting a better life. we do not have the volunteer base right now to establish a shelter. we don't. >> what do you say to those people who say, migrants should come and do it the right way? >> if you're running from violence, what is the right way? >> this special edition of "nightline," "crisis at the border," will be right back.