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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  September 6, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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right now on jimmy kimmel, will arnett. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, will arnett, chef chris bianco, and music from goo goo dolls. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very nice. thank you. very kind. hi, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] m office muchas gracias. i have to tell you -- i
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appreciate that. it just now occurred to me, no one has clapped for me in months. [ laughter ] i walk in the house -- my kids don't clap. they're like, we're bored! [ laughter ] maybe i'll leave my money to you guys instead. [ cheers and applause ] now you're hoping for my death. [ laughter ] i was off for a couple of months. hopefully you noticed. but it's good to be back in this disgusting building next to a burned-out baja fresh. [ laughter ] guillermo, how was it without me here this. >> guillermo: oh, we missed you a lot, jimmy. >> jimmy: you did, all right. my son kevin got married this weekend. [ cheers and applause ] to his wife, nicole. guillermo was there, cleto was there, it was quite an event. guillermo was the flower girl. [ cheers ] you were adorable. rarely do you see a flower girl knock back half a bottle of pdo. but he did. [ laughter ] you know, i tell you, there are a lot of things when you're not
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on the air that you see that make you wish you were. one of them, the owner of the lakers, jeanie buss, was on with desus nice who filled in for me. the result was this reaction from america's second most dangerous golfer. >> hey, it's yours truly. when i woke up this morning, i had all kind of messages talking about some story that jeanie buss, owner of the lakers, told last night on -- i guess jimmy kindle or somewhere. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: kindle? jimmy kindle? come on. [ applause ] o.j. thinks i'm an e-reader. [ laughter ] i guess i should be happy he doesn't know my name, it's less likely he'll be able to find me. [ laughter ] if that wasn't enough, i got another shout-out from that guy who had that press conference nex to the dildo shop. >> the last time you were on, jimmy kimmel kind of lampooned us on his late-night show. >> good. >> i'm sure it wasn't funny because he's not funny. >> he called you recount
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dracula. >> oh, that's very funny, ha ha! he's a real comedian, ha ha! laugh [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how about "count drunkula," you like that better? that's good. [ cheers and applause ] i had a plan. i was going to show you slides of my summer vacation. i went through tome already it was mostly pictures of me holding trout and trying to fix the defective generator on my winnebago. [ laughter ] be fun to take a look at how d - donald trump spent his summer vacation. guillermo? very good. we've got an old-fashioned slide projector. thank you, guillermo. that thing plugged in? all right. start. june 3rd, trump departed mar-a-lago for his other golf course/catering hall/crime lair, trump national golf club in new jersey, where he watched his former aide, cassidy hutchison, testify against him. she said, among other things, he
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physically attacked one of his own secret service agents and threw his lunch at the wall, smearing ketchup all over the presidential dining room. but that happy memory sadly would not last, as on july 14th trump loved his beloved ex-wife, ivana, and buried her at his golf course, right near the 1st hole, which is also his nickname for her. [ moans and applause ] july 29th, trump hosted the saudi-backed liv golf tournament, where he flattered his despicable guest by saying he wasn't sure who was responsible for 9/11, but definitely wasn't them! then, 10 days later august 8th, we got a look at photographic evidence showing trump did in fact tear up official white house documents and flush them down the official white house toilet. and that same day, the fbi searched mar-a-lago and found an "all-you-can read classified documents bar" featuring hundreds of pages of top secret government intel and a box of framed covers of "time" magazine
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with his face on them. because you can't have security without insecurity. [ laughter ] two days later, trump gave a deposition to the new york attorney general, pleading the fifth more than 440 times, which is what all not guilty people do. and then finally, this weekend, trump ended his summer at a rally for the soon to be unemployed senate hopeful and penis pill pusher, dr. oz. [ laughter and applause ] and that was the totally not bummer summer of trump! thank you, guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] wow, it was quite a summer, wasn't it? i have to say, what happened this summer? women lost the right to choose. monkeypox spread. "batgirl" was canceled. i'll never go away again. i promise. [ laughter ] speaking of going away, trump is in serious legal trouble. this tells you all you need to know. donald trump versus the united states of america. [ laughter ] and he'll probably win again. you know, i've been trying to
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understand how he could possibly believe he had the right to take all those documents to his house. it's weird that a person who barely reads would even want documents. [ laughter ] it's like finding out your dog collects stamps. [ laughter ] trump keeps claiming he declassified the documents, which, first of all, no, he didn't. but second of all, even if he had, which he didn't, that's even more crazy. that's like finding your wife in bed with another guy and she goes, "it's okay -- i took my ring off first!" [ laughter ] that's what it amounts to, right? mar-a-lardo did score a victory yesterday. a judge that he appointed granted his request to assign a special master to review the documents and put the investigation on hold. who the special master will be, we do not know. maybe they can get eric to do it. he's special. right? [ laughter ] in pennsylvania over the weekend, trump explained to the maga faithful that this isn't just about him stealing documents, this is about them stealing documents too. >> it was not just my home that
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was raided last month. it was the hopes and dreams of every citizen we've been fighting for since the moment i came down the golden escalator. >> jimmy: that's right. [ laughter ] it's about all of our golden escalators! [ laughter ] >> they rifled through the first lady's closet, drawers, and everything else. and even did a deep and ugly search of the room of my 16-year-old son. [ boos ] leaving everything they touched in far different condition than it was when they started. >> jimmy: poor barron must have been freaking out. imagine being a 16-year-old, the fbi goes through your bedroom. [ laughter and applause ] good thing they don't have "playboy" anymore. one fact not in dispute is donald trump had highly classified information sitting in a box on the floor of his golf resort. there's only one way to handle someone who does something like that.
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>> this was not just extreme carelessness with classified material, which is still totally disqualifying. this is calculated, deliberate, premeditated misconduct followed by a cover-up. what he did is illegal. it's classified information. he broke the law. very simple. i mean, as much as it's going to be broken, this is highly classified. that's the highest stage. it's highly classified information. many of them were classified. highly classified. you go to jail for that. you go to jail for that, and he should have known that. you go to jail for that. classified information, you should go to jail for that for many, many years. >> lock him up, lock him up, lock him up, lock him up, lock him up! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: give the people what they want already. meanwhile, russia, russia, russia. trump's pal putin has issued a
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new travel ban for 25 americans, banned for life, including the secretary of commerce, six u.s. senators, and ben stiller and sean penn. [ laughter ] are not allowed -- funny, every russian we sanction is some sweaty, evil oligarch who owns a -- dumps poison in the ocean or something. russia turns around and bans "zoolander." "we will never meet the fockers! nyet!" [ applause ] >> jimmy: before we press on, i want to acknowledge our guest hosts this summer. i was lucky enough to have fantastic people filling in for me. it's always comforting to be reminded that literally dozens of people can do your job with no training whatsoever. [ laughter ] so i want to say thanks to sean hayes, chelsea handler, anthony anderson, mark rober, dana carvey, kerry washington, rupaul, rob mcelhenney, david alan grier, desus nice, al franken, nicole byer, lamorne morris, simu liu, nikki glaser, and donald trump jr.
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[ laughter ] almost all of you were great. [ cheers and applause ] and almost all of you were kind enough to leave a message in our "summer guest host yearbook" for 2022. ♪ ♪ hey hey hey hey ♪ >> hosting your show was such a terrific honor. i'm so glad we met all those years ago in the bathroom line at the emmys right before you ruined the evening with your explosive diarrhea. [ laughter ] >> hey, jimmy-kins, it was so much fun hosting your show out of drag. masculinity may be a prison, but men's wearhouse is a paradise. can i get an amen? smooches, rupaul. >> dear jimmy, thanks for letting me guest host your show. whenever you want to fill in for me on my youtube channel, let me know. i'll tell them you're my grandpa. sincerery, marky mark. >> jimmy, first i have to host your show for you, now i have to write a message in your
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yearbook? you are one needy little bitch. [ laughter ] what's next, you want me to raise your kids for you? kerry. >> anthony -- there you are, i need you to come and help me clean my toilet. >> can i do my line to give you your cue so you can come in? i got a whole bunch of [ bleep ] i'm supposed to say first, mama. >> hi, jimmy. taking an entire summer off to do hypnotherapy seems drastic, but adult bed-wetting is a serious issue. you and your bladder are in my prayers. stay try, jealousy. >> j might have dog, it's hard to point out my favorite moment of hosting your show but it's probably when i burn all the mets caps you left around the oflts. yankees for life, 27 rings. see you, desus. >> hi, jimmers. i had a great time hosting your show, an even better time teaching guillermo to talk with a philly accent. >> guillermo: you guys wanna finish this sandwich? >> just like we practiced. love, rob. >> hi, jimmy. loved doing your show. loved working with your staff.
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they don't like you. [ laughter ] >> hey, jimmy. hosting the show was so much fun, mostly because it gave me an excuse to get away from my mama for a few hours. [ bleep ]. mama, walk in on -- >> i -- >> you did not, it's only three words after i say "mama." boom! for a few hours. you own it with your line. >> hey, j.k., i hope you had a wonderful vacation. [ cheers ] or as my therapist calls it, running away from your problems. good luck sorting out your [ bleep ], man. lamorne. >> hi, jim. i had a great problem hosting. i started doing carson, i got stuck. i'm living in a prison of the slippery monkeys and unfiltered pal malls, zsa zsa gabor at the honk ka hut. >> hosting your show, not my
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dream, but probably someone's dream. >> even though i only hosted two days, i had all my mail forwarded to the studio so one of the other guest hosts guesses a box from russia marked "not sex toys," that's for me. thanks, nicole. >> hi, jimmers. instead of telling you my feelings about guest hosting your show, i'm going to sing them. ♪ i was underpaid ♪ [ applause ] stay cool, buddy! >> all right, jimmy. i hosted your show. now please hold up your end of the bargain and let my parents go. [ laughter ] sick son of a bitch. >> dear jimmy. hosting the show was so much fun, mostly because it gave me an excuse to get away from my mama for a few hours. oh, [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] as soon as i say a few hours, you jump on your line, jump on your line! i didn't pause the last time,
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jump on your line! oh, there you are. i need your help to [ bleep ]. >> okay. can i say [ bleep ]? >> yes, mama. who put her in this scene? >> shut up. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a great show for you tonight. the pizza man, chris bianco is here. we've got music from goo goo dolls. and we'll be right back with will arnett. so stick around! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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what's the difference between prop 26 and prop 27? 26? not one dime to get people off the streets and into housing 27 generates hundreds of million to help solve homelessness. the choice is clear yes on prop 27.
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what's the difference between prop 26 and prop 27? 26 is a money grab that doesn't guarantee a cent for non-gaming tribes. 27 requires 15% of all state revenues go to non-gaming tribes. the choice is clear. yes, on 27. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello, there. tonight, from a new pizza-themed season of the great show "chef's table" on netflix,
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the james beard restaurateur of the year, chris bianco is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, this is their new album "chaos in bloom." goo goo dolls from the mercedes eq stage. [ cheers and applause ] this week, we've got all new shows, we're back at it with brie larson, kenan thompson, josh duhamel, simon cowell, and ralph macchio, with music from macklemore and youngblood. and much more too, so please join us for all that. our first guest is back from his annual summer yacht hop with a toasted marshmallow tan and a voice that makes one hell of a case for smoking cigarettes. he is host of "lego masters." season 3 premieres september 21st on fox. lease welcome will "the thrill" arnett. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> wow. >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> god, it's good to be back in show business, isn't it? civilian life sucks, right? we're back! >> jimmy: yeah. we are back. >> we are back. it's hot, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: thanks for being my first guest here. >> how are you? >> jimmy: i wanted something i could look forward to. you know, it's a little bit depressing to have to go back to work after summer vacation, even though this is a fun job. >> first of all, you've been off for a while. >> jimmy: i have. [ laughter ] >> let's not -- you're not depressed. you got the schedule of a kindergarten teacher. [ laughter ] like, a thousand times easier. and you get paid 2.5 million times more than they do. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: what were the highlights of your summer? were you in one of your -- >> i was gallivanting. >> jimmy: gallivanting, really? >> i brought back the lost art
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of gallivanting. no, that's not true. just spending a lot of time in exclusive clubs. [ laughter ] i would say, you know -- but you wouldn't. [ laughter ] no, i spent a lot of time with the kids this summer. we just had a great time. >> jimmy: yours, or just a group of children? [ laughter ] >> a bunch of kids. really nice kids, unattended. >> jimmy: you have three boys? >> i have three boys. i did notice that you have somebody in your audience who asked advice before the show about being a stand-up. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> giving him advice. i thought, yes, you should have told them, because i though you would agree, don't try to make it a long bit out of brain injuries. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right, yeah, yeah. not even a short bit. [ cheers and applause ] let me tell that young man, you really crossed a line there. i think i speak for all of us -- >> you would agree it's not fertile ground? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i could agree. i think we all would agree.
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there's only one person who seems to know that, that guy over there. >> god bless him. >> jimmy: he's young, he's learning. >> he is learning. i love watching people learn. >> jimmy: you have funny kids? >> i have really funny kids. you know my kids. >> jimmy: yes. they're extraordinarily funny. like in a way where you don't even know how to react kind of thing. >> abel, when he was 7, he started -- like, i knew when he first said to a friend of mine, he was 7. he actually burned them. then he said, "you just got burned by a 7-year-old who's still learning how to tie his shoes." [ laughter ] and i was like, wow, that's so layered. he used his own inability to tie his shoes as a burn on the other person. [ laughter ] good. >> jimmy: it's really good. >> the other day we're hanging out. he was just saying a bunch of nonsense. archie, who's almost 14, "abel spoous all this nonsense, he says all this stuff that's a complete conversation killer."
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immediately abel goes, "you know who's a conversation killer, john wayne gacy." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? [ applause ] >> and i go -- we're like, what, man? why are you -- you're 12, you just turned 12. >> jimmy: he's getting into the documentary section on netflix. >> i think so. >> jimmy: do you ever have to have a conversation with the kids where you go, that's over the line, that's too much? like you did with this guy over here? >> well, there's just -- there's a lot of, like -- especially these days, when is too soon? and it's just -- and it's never. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's never too soon? >> never. because people now, it's like, oh, the guy, making a joke about the signing of the magna carta, i don't know. that was like 400 years ago, man, give it a minute. what? >> jimmy: it's never too soon. >> rome wasn't built in a day. oh, now the romans -- hey, man,
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it's an expression. >> jimmy: your friends -- >> in the very popular. >> jimmy: your friend jason bateman sometimes -- >> do the put him on me. [ laughter ] he's your friend too. don't say, is your friend jason, then say something about -- you know what i mean? >> jimmy: jason and i went fishing over the summer. >> oh, i know. jimmy goes on vacation. you guys didn't invite me on vacation. i know what you're going to say. yeah, we sort of did. you didn't really. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, okay. my wife sending you an email, specifically inviting you on vacation -- >> that's true. >> jimmy: that you did not respond to at all, in any way. [ laughter ] is that -- i mean, does that count? or would you need something engraved and fed exed? >> this is not even a bit, i totally [ bleep ] forgot about that. [ applause ] she did. she did, and i said we were going to be away. so -- but anyway. i'm still mad. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: still mad, you've got to go with it. >> i'm so deep on being mad about it. >> jimmy: look at this picture. >> jimmy sent me this photo of jason. he did. jimmy sent me that photo on a chain. >> jimmy: look at how happy. >> look at this fish, jason baseman catching a fish. i said, "send me a picture of the guy who actually caught it." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's ryan. >> that's ryan. god bless ryan. ryan's the guy who actually caught it. >> jimmy: "smart list." you cohost with jason bateman and sean hayes. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the number sixth ranked podcast in the world. >> is that true? >> jimmy: according to what i looked up today. >> what am i doing here? [ laughter ] this is so stupid. get my mic! >> jimmy: will's having second thoughts. why don't we take a break. "lego masters," season three
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premieres september 21st on fox. will arnett is here. be right back. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by hotels.com where you can find your perfect subway. i uh don't mean to brag, but i do have multiple pools. i'm looking for someone who likes sand and sun. active types are cool. i know a lot of fun spots. if you have kids, great. i'm great with kids. and uh yeah that's me, a beach side hotel. ♪ ♪
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permanently. only pennies on the dollar for the homeless permanently. and with loopholes, the homeless get even less permanently. prop 27. they didn't write it for the homeless. they wrote it for themselves. ♪ (don't stop me now) ♪ ♪♪ ♪ (don't stop me) ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm having a good time ♪ ♪ having a good time ♪ ♪ i'm a shooting star leaping through the sky like a tiger ♪ ♪ defying the laws of gravity ♪ ♪ (don't stop me now) ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm having a good time ♪ ♪ i don't wanna stop at all, yeah ♪ ♪ ah, da, da, da, da da, da, ah, ah ♪
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one minute to get your space station locked onto the lbss. >> we're just going to have to go with it. >> okay, yeah. >> whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop. dude. >> here it comes. >> try not to crush it. okay. >> baby, better hold.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with will arnett. he's the host of "lego masters." season 3 comes back september 21st on fox. you love doing this show. >> i do love it. it's so much fun. i mean, just watching people do that, watching adults build lego, is the best. and they're super into it. and it's amazing. >> jimmy: they are super into it. >> and they're really good at it. >> jimmy: it's fun to watch a show where people are actually good at doing something. >> yes. >> jimmy: you know? >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's not usually the way it goes. >> no, it's not. it's usually gotcha, and let's watch -- you know, give them lots of booze and watch them wreck their lives. and cry. >> jimmy: yeah, marry someone they shouldn't. [ laughter ] >> yeah. that's not this show. >> jimmy: that's not this show at all. >> this show is a lot of fun. honestly, you know i'm a pretty cynical guy. but it does legitimately make me feel good when people come up and say, "we watch this show as
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a family." that's nice. >> jimmy: that is nice. you're one of the executive producers. i didn't realize this. brad pitt. >> yes. >> jimmy: do you think he's ever seen the show? >> i don't think he has. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that's not true, he has seen the show. of course he has seen the show, because he produces it. and we got him to do a little bit. he's doing a little bit this year at the beginning of the season, which is fun. and he's just an all-around great guy. >> jimmy: you say, of course he's seen the show. >> because he sends me notes. yeah, go ahead. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because like bateman, he's a producer of this "under the banner of heaven." >> yeah. >> jimmy: which i loved that book, i was real excited, it's a great series. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i said, wow, that's great you guys are producing it. he said, "yeah, i hear it's good." [ laughter ] >> i read the book too and i'm quite certain he has not. >> jimmy: i don't think he has either. >> mainly because he can't read. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right, yeah. he is good at fishing now.
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>> no, he has read the book, everybody. we love jason. of course he's read the book. >> jimmy: speaking of people who are totally unqualified to do a job they've been hired for, you now are -- [ laughter ] >> wow. >> jimmy: -- hosting a show about formula 1 racing, yes? >> yes! going to guess that your fo formula 1 racing fandom goes back to the time you started watching that show on netflix about formula 1 racing, yes? [ laughter ] >> jimmy, that is so classic you. yeah. [ laughter ] but it's still classic you. even though you're right. >> jimmy: so you -- >> don't i seem like i would be a formula 1 fan? >> jimmy: now you do, yeah. >> i'm asking your audience. >> jimmy: oh. [ cheers ] [ applause ] >> nothing better than asking an audience. >> jimmy: so you fell in love with the sport -- >> i did. actually, speaking of bateman, bateman was the one who said
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you've got to watch "drive to survive" on netflix. i fell in love with it, i got really, really into it. way into it. i started watching formula 1. now they decided, you know -- it's just gained in popularity. we're doing this thing with amp, a new service that you can get a new app that you can listen to all audio, and it's me and mika hocken, two-time formula 1 champion. >> jimmy: oh, you don't have to tell me. [ laughter ] mika. mika's the best. >> first of all, i do have to tell you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: her and jo? yeah. >> no. so we do this post-race show. we're doing it from all the formula 1 races, grands prix around the world. >> jimmy: you're going around the world? >> yeah. going to japan soon. i'm going to austin and abu dhabi and everywhere for these races. i'm really into it. it's super, super fun. you can listen to it on amp after the races as you watch fox. good night, everybody. [ applause ]
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did i get too good at plugging stuff? >> jimmy: i know, i think you did. >> am i really good at this? >> jimmy: you should do some voiceover work. [ laughter ] >> i'm just saying you're -- as an opening? >> jimmy: i think there are probably several. >> we're doing this thing. it's a lot of fun. i love that i get to do it. yeah, it's a blast. >> jimmy: you know chris bianco, the chef? >> i do. i know chris, i met him through you. >> jimmy: do you want to plug him or anything like that? >> i mean -- you mean plug for him? >> jimmy: yeah, he won the james beard award. >> he won the james beard thing, it's coming up live. >> jimmy: he's got a newt restaurant here. >> jimmy: i feel like the plugs yourself were better, i feel you phoned that one in. >> i'm a big fan of chris, a great cook. i've enjoyed some of his food with you before. so i'm excited that he's going to be here tonight. >> jimmy: see, that was really good. you really turned it around. >> that was pretty good, right? >> jimmy: very good, yeah.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> i'm going to say this. i might even stay. >> jimmy: oh. >> hold the applause. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: good. >> let me check my schedule. >> jimmy: you check your schedule, we'll get another chair in case you can. >> yep. >> jimmy: that's a microphone. stick around, watch him on "lego masters" september 21st on fox. we'll be back with chris bianco! if your moderate to severe crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms are stopping you in your tracks... choose stelara® from the start... and move toward relief after the first dose... with injections every two months. stelara® may increase your risk of infections, some serious, and cancer. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, sores, new skin growths, have had cancer, or if you need a vaccine. pres, a rare, potentially fatal brain condition, may be possible. some serious allergic reactions
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kimmel live," we've got simon cowell, kenan thompson, josh duhamel, ralph macchio, joe buck, and brie larson. plus music from macklemore and yungblud. that's this week on "jimmy kimmel live." (typing) (toddler laughs) ♪♪ (train whizzes by) ♪♪ (toddler babbling) ♪♪ (buzzing sound) ♪♪ (dog barks) ♪♪ (wine glasses clink) ♪♪ (typing) ♪♪ (toddler babbling) (typing) ♪♪ ♪♪ [music playing in background]
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello there. will arnett is with us. music from goo goo dolls is on the way. our next guest is the yoda of pizza and james beard restaurateur of the year. he just opened a pizzeria bianco at the row in downtown los angeles, and you can learn all about him on the new season of "chef's table: pizza" starting tomorrow on netflix. >> just presence. feels this way. it's the moment in time where things come together. and sometimes there's not a word. it's the smiles. ♪
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>> jimmy: please welcome chris bi bianco! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> what a treat this is. >> jimmy: thank you for bringing a pizza. do you feel like you have to bring pizza everywhere you go? >> you know, that's what people -- seems like they're happy to see me. >> jimmy: look at that, a very special pizza. [ cheers ] explain what's on this pizza. >> you know, it's going to -- not going to sound as good as it is. >> jimmy: i agree with you, yeah. >> i like to overdeliver but it's pistachios from santa
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barbara. parmesan reggiano. a bit of rosemary. a nice glug of virgin olive oil. >> jimmy: why is it called the rosa? pass it over to will, will you? >> thanks, i couldn't. >> it's called the rosa -- it's called the rosa, yeah. i kept it on the dashboard of my truck, hopefully it stayed warm. [ laughter ] it's 9,000 degrees. i was sweating like a pig, you know. [ applause ] >> how long was it on the dashboard? [ laughter ] >> like 26 minutes from downtown. >> jimmy: when i was a pizza delivery boy would i would get lost, which was every single time, i'd turn the heater on and hold the pizza up to the heater in my car so that it seemed like the pizza was still hot when i handed the customer the pizza. [ laughter ] >> we've got to make sacrifices. >> that's smart. >> jimmy: it's so good. i don't usually like unusual pizzas. i like just the basics. but man oh man --
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>> i like the basics. >> jimmy: look at that. i mean, for those of you who are pizza nuts, look at that crust and how beautiful it is. [ cheers and applause ] >> you know what's funny, it's like -- the first few years, we had it on the menu, no one ordered it. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah it sounds strange. >> jimmy: sounds strange, right. >> yeah. >> just like the weird kid in your class. you know, sometimes they turn out better than you thought. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you were named restaurateur of the year by the james beard foundation. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, thankfully -- can't spell it. >> jimmy: you can't spell restaurateur? you don't have to, that's not part of the deal. you've got five restaurants in phoenix, is that correct? >> at this moment, yes. >> jimmy: two pizzeria bianco, trotto -- >> panni, a sandwich shop, and
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barbie bar bianco. >> jimmy: now you've got one here, opening at the same time as your netflix documentary. this documentary, i had the pleasure of seeing it a little bit early. and it is absolutely a really beautiful -- you got to make this documentary while both your parents were still alive, earlier this year. your dad passed away shortly after they shot. >> he did, he did. >> jimmy: your dad was a great painter. >> amazing. >> jimmy: many of his paintings are hanging in your restaurant. he painted presidents, he painted barbra streisand. she commissioned him? >> yeah, she -- that was his -- that was his kind of claim to his own fame, which he painted the dogs for president johnson. very quick story on that. about 15 years ago, we got invited back. they hung it in lbj's office. put them right over the desk. and lucy bane johnson, his daughter, was explaining to my dad, here's the paintings.
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he's like, tell my sons about these amazing dogs. they saved people from drowning, they did this -- she goes, oh, those two dogs? those are the stupidest [ bleep ] dogs. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he didn't like that? >> he liked it. i loved it. i loved it. as we love to bring our parents down to normal. >> jimmy: did they like being part of the documentary? >> no. >> jimmy: they didn't? >> well, my mother didn't really know what was going on. this didn't stop her from having "your father doesn't understand." my father kind of -- he was -- like i said, he passed away a few weeks later. he was in and out of good times, you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but we had some really great moments in that. >> jimmy: your mom, i think we have a picture of your mom here. >> oh my god. >> jimmy: your mom is a great -- >> still laughing. [ applause ] >> jimmy: also an artist as well. >> oh my god. >> jimmy: that's her actual size? >> that is her actual size. [ laughter ] ? your mom, one of my favorite
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things to do, will, you'll like this, is listen to chris call his mother -- how often do you call your mother? >> i call her at least every day. actually, this morning she called me. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> which was, you know, rare. i'm very busy. e to bother me, - >> jimmy: every time you call her -- >> let's call her now. >> jimmy: that's a great idea, do you have your phone with you? every time you call her she says what? >> well, normally -- normally, i would say seven times out of eight, she'll say, "is chris bianco -- i don't believe it." >> jimmy: i don't believe it. [ laughter ] do you have your phone? >> i do have my phone. >> let's call her. let me get another slice. [ applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo, how's that pizza? >> fantastic, great. >> jimmy: fantastic, right? >> so good. >> i'm going to regret this. >> no, you're not. >> whatever happens. let's see. >> great idea. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'll hold it up. >> let's see here. >> jimmy: yeah, hit the phone -- >> bianco, on the then -- oh my
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god. >> bigger font. [ laughter ] >> i got it. i got reading glasses but i don't want to pull them out. >> jimmy: i'll hold it up to my microphone. [ phone ringing ] >> hello, bianco. >> hey, bianco, what are you doing over there? ma, it's me. >> oh, christopher, oh. >> what are you doing? what's happening? >> how am i doing? >> i talked to you already this morning. i thought you'd be a little more excited to hear from me now. [ laughter ] >> how's everything going? >> i'm on jimmy's show tonight. i'm just trying not to say the f-word, something like that. >> oh my god, chris, wow. >> your little son. >> oh, god bless you. and chris, mia, i called mia. did mia come? >> mia is on the airplane, god bless. >> oh, hey. chris, i'm so glad for you. so proud of you. >> i'm proud of you, too. >> anyway, everything -- you feel pretty good? >> i feel pretty good, you know?
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>> just be yourself and it will be wonderful. >> all right, ma. hey, what are you making -- what are you making for yourself tonight? >> tonight it's -- tonight i just -- asparagus omelette, a nice asparagus omelette. >> no potatoes or something? >> green beans on the side. >> sounds good. i'll call you later after i'm done with the show, tell you how it goes. >> call me, let me know. >> i'll let you know. i'm a little nervous. >> i got my hands on the rosary. >> say the rosary. [ laughter ] all right. >> jimmy: what do you mean, the rosery? >> see you later. all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: chris bianco, watch him on "chef's table pizza" on netflix starting tomorrow. and pizzeria bianco at the row in downtown l.a. thank you, chris. thanks to will arnett. [ cheers and applause ] we've got the goo goo dolls!
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>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live"
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concert series is presented by mercedes eq. all electric, all mercedes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks to will arnett and chris bianco. apologies to matt damon. tomorrow night, brie larson and josh duhamel with music from macklemore. "nightline" is next. but first, their album is "chaos in bloom." here with the song "yeah, i like you," goo goo dolls! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i met the queen of generation fame i said i'm sorry i don't know your name ♪ ♪ and she stared at me and she said ♪ ♪ hey man could you tell me your name i said you wouldn't know it anyway ♪ ♪ but i like you ♪ ♪ you're so conceited but you're insecure ♪ ♪ you're always busy but you look so bored ♪ ♪ so tell me what do you do ♪
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♪ well the world won't easily forget you she smiled and said yes i think that's true ♪ ♪ turn my life ♪ kill the paranoia in my brain ♪ ♪ 'cause i want what you got and you got what i want and i like you ♪ ♪ i don't need another lonely weekend ♪ ♪ just give me thrills so the truth don't creep in ♪ ♪ it's wrong yeah it's wrong but i like you ♪ ♪ ♪ you know you're shallow it's your greatest feature i love your stupid friends they look like creatures ♪ ♪ baby what's wrong with you 'cause you talk like a dream but you're not what you seem and i don't care ♪ ♪ turn my life into a hurricane
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kill the paranoia in my brain ♪ ♪ 'cause i want what you got and you got what i want and i like you ♪ ♪ i don't need another lonely weekend ♪ ♪ give me thrills so the truth don't creep in ♪ ♪ it's wrong yeah all wrong but i like you ♪ ♪ ♪ yeah i like you yeah i like you yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ and we all want what we can't have yeah we all want more to be so adored ♪ ♪ we all want more 'cause we're all just ♪ ♪ turn my life into a hurricane ♪ ♪ kill the paranoia in my brain ♪ ♪ 'cause i want what you got and you got what i want and i like you ♪ ♪ i don't need another lonely weekend ♪ ♪ just give me thrills so the truth don't creep in ♪ ♪ it's wrong yeah i'm wrong but i like you ♪ ♪ doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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tonight, war in ukraine, the battle for freedom. david muir is on the ground and inside president zelenskyy's heavily fort tied office. ukraine launches a new counteroffensive amid fears of a looming nuclear catastrophe. the exclusive interview. >> it means six chernobyls. it means the biggest danger in the world, nuclear weapons. >> plus our trip into bucha. >> this is where you believe your father died? >> what investigators think is new evidence of russian atrocities. the young son seeking justice for his father's murder. abc news obtaining surveillance of russian soldiers. and president zelenskyy's message to americans. >> we feel that we are

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