dan: thank you so much for watching. have a good >> lou: from brooklyn, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- jason bateman, and music from action bronson. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. welcome, brooklyn.

i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for coming. thanks for coming all week. thank you for watching. please, relax, it's very nice. this is our fifth and final night here at b.a.m., brooklyn academy of music. i want to thank so many people. you guys for coming. i want to thank our crew, iatse local number four, the staff here at b.a.m. who could not have been more helpful, more perfect. [ cheers and applause ] thank you to all our neighbors here for letting us descend upon your city like a swarm of alcoholic lanternflies. [ laughter ] we had a great week and i wish we could stay longer. it's time to go back to our chihuahuas and yoga mats in l.a. [ laughter ] right, guillermo? oh, there's -- guillermo? [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: hi, everybody! ♪ start spreading the news i'm leaving today ♪

>> guillermo: yeah! ♪ i want to be a part of it new york new york ♪ ♪ if i can make it there i'll make it anywhere ♪ ♪ it's up to you new york new york ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: yeah! >> jimmy: wow, what an entrance. we had a lot of costumes, a lot of ideas for guillermo. after a week of eating, this is the only costume that would fit him. [ laughter ] what was the single best thing you ate this week, guillermo? be honest. i know you had a lot of stuff. what was it? >> guillermo: wow. i think it was a steak from peter lugar. >> jimmy: a steak from peter lugar, whoa. did you pay in cash? >> guillermo: no with a credit

card. no, i didn't pay. the producer paid. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he never pays, that's his secret. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: i've had so much food. you know, in l.a., if you want a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich at 2:00 in the morning, you just have to sit quietly until that feeling goes away. [ laughter ] there's no way to get it. and thanks to all the restaurants who brought us sometimes three lunches a day. it's ridiculous. when i got to work this morning, all the rats in the neighborhood lined up and gave me a big round of applause. [ laughter ] there's so much nature here. you know? this video i think captures a lot of what makes new york so great. morningside park. a bird of prey, a hawk, on the garbage -- jumps in, roots around a little bit. you'll never believe what he comes up with. oh, yeah, that's right, a rat. and a napkin. because -- you know. ♪ they have pumpkin spice garbage

bags now. [ laughter ] for real. hefty is making garbage bags that smell like pumpkin spice. didn't we already have a pumpkin spice garbage bag in new york? his name was donald trump, right? [ rim shot ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. ♪ another thing i will miss is the subway here. it's very different than our subway back in l.a. [ laughter ] you can see this is -- the way they sanitize the poles is unorthodox, but boy does it work. i mean, i think that's what they call a bronx bachelor party. [ laughter ] you know, unique as new york is, it seems every day it's becoming more like california. things are organic. cannabis is now legal here for recreational use. [ cheers and applause ] which is interesting. because we knew it was legal, but there's nowhere to buy it legally. there is a big pot store that's

been open for many years, it's called washington square park. [ laughter ] but legally, legally i guess it's going to change, because a big group of aspiring weed merchants applied for the chance to own and operate new york's first legal dispensaries. deadline was monday. they got about 900 applications. the first round of applications, only open to people or relatives of people who were convicted of pot-related crimes. which is so strange. i get why they're doing it, but has there ever been a situation in the history of the world where one of the job requirements is, you must have sold an eighth of purple urkle to an undercover cop? [ laughter ] new york, the governor announced all new cars purchased in new york state will be zero-emission cars, which is what lawmakers in california mandated in our state last month. this will take effect starting in 2035. if we make it to 2035. [ laughter ] i don't know, to you guys even need cars? the only driving i see is people circling around, looking for

parking spots. [ laughter ] while it's never going to be the same, when a cabbie's yelling at you to go "f" yourself from a nissan leaf? it's definitely for the best. [ laughter ] if you're one of those people who just really loves emissions, don't worry, those factories on the jersey turnpike, they're still going to be burning tires or bodies or whatever the hell that smell is for many, many years to come. [ laughter ] you know, because they are the two biggest cities in the united states, there's a rivalry between l.a. and new york. rivalries i think are what keep us sharp. to encourage future generations, we went out on the streets in both cities to ask kids, which is better? l.a. or new york? ♪ >> what's better, new york or l.a.? >> um -- new york. >> how come? >> because it's, like, the best place ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> what's better, new york or l.a.? >> l.a. >> how come? >> l.a. is more big for, like -- more famous people, i feel. better shops. >> what's better, new york or

l.a.? >> i like l.a. >> how come? >> because they have the best sushi here. [ laughter ] >> what do you think about people from l.a.? >> doesn't barbie live there? [ laughter ] >> what's the worst thing about new york? >> i heard there's rats. >> what do people in new york complain about? >> i'm guessing rats. [ laughter ] >> if i told you to take the 405 to the 101 what would you be doing? >> getting lost. [ laughter ] >> who likes to drink more alcohol, people in new york or l.a.? >> l.a. >> how come? >> cause -- it's so good. [ laughter ] >> what do you think about people from l.a.? >> weird. >> why are they so weird? >> because they wear stuff inside their lips. >> like what? >> botox. [ laughter ] >> who's the most famous person in new york? >> uh -- my uncle. >> what's his name? >> uncle yentz.

>> yeah, we know him. >> that's my uncle. >> who's the dumbest person in new york? >> uncle yentz. >> he's the most famous and the dumbest? >> uh-huh. >> who do you think drinks more wine? >> my mama. [ laughter ] >> how much does she drink? what do people in l.a. like to eat? >> they eat mostly -- mostly like to eat salads. >> how come everyone in l.a. is so afraid of gluten? >> gluten -- is scary. >> are you afraid of gluten? >> no, i'm brave. [ laughter ] >> can you do an impression of someone from new york? >> oh, hi, i'm gonna go get a gucci bag. >> i walk and i talk and i live in new york. >> can you do an impression of someone from l.a.? >> hey, gimme my salad! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: nailed it. oh, here's something i happened upon while flipping channels. it's "celebrity wheel of fortune" week. >> i'll take an "l" please. >> yeah, three ls. >> oh, man. i think i would like to solve. >> go ahead. >> which jimmy is it, kimmel or fallon? >> i believe they're the same guy. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you know, we get that a lot. we both do. people can't seem to handle that there are two men named jimmy. i don't know, james is a common name, there's probably a lot of jamess in the room right now. over the last 100 years, james is the number one most popular boy's name in the united states. jimmys stick together. while we were in brooklyn this week, i found a small business fountain in sheepshead bay very close to when are i grew up. it's a sandwich shop named jimmy's. it seemed like it could use a little boost. we assembled a team, we went

down there, we gave it to them. ♪ >> guillermo: this sandwich, it sucks. where can i get a great italian hero for a good price? >> jimmy: at jimmy's. >> guillermo: you're going to make me a sandwich? >>, no, get outta here. at jimmy's famous heroes! serving jimmy's and non-jimmy's at their sheepshead bay location since 1938. this is the owner of jimmy's, jimmy. >> victor. >> jimmy: what? >> my name is victor. >> jimmy: okay, i'm going to call you jimmy, otherwise this doesn't make sense. jimmy makes hot heroes, cold heroes -- >> even salads if you're weird like that. [ applause ] >> jimmy: jimmy fallon, what are you doing here? >> i'm a jimmy, how could i not be here? >> jimmy: wow, jimmy, isn't it great to be amongst so many jimmys? >> this is what i call a jimmy sandwich. ♪ give me a hero i'm holding out for a hero in sheepshead bay ♪

>> meet my courteous staff. >> we are grandma jimmys. >> we make heroes and wraps. >> did somebody say wraps? ♪ >> pepperoni. >> salami. >> prosciutto. >> smoked turkey. >> pastrami. >> don't forget the cheese. cha-cha cheese! ♪ at jimmy's famous heroes ♪ >> jimmy's was voted fifth best parmesan in new york by a website i've never heard of. >> we're number five! we're number five! >> jimmy: what do matt dillon, the kid author from "little big shots," and assemblyman stevens have in common? >> nothing. >> jimmy: that's right, and they all love jimmy's famous heroes. >> don't take it from us. listen to what our satisfied customers have to say. ♪ i had to say hero ♪

>> my favorite sandwich is hot ham with provolone, lettuce, tomato, mayo on a roll. you got a problem with that? >> my favorite is prosciutto and mozzarella. it's the best. >> i hope my serve jimmy's at my funeral one day. >> hey, jimmy. look at all these [ bleep ] tomatoes. >> [ bleep ]. ♪ tomatoes ♪ >> jimmy's caters birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, even drug interventions. >> get help, gary. >> jimmy: if your name is jimmy, you eat free. >> wait. >> you can't do that. >> what are you, nuts? >> jimmy: it will be fine. >> jimmy's famous heroes. 1786 sheepshead bay road, just around the corner from doody home centers. >> guillermo: jimmy's famous heroes! >> [ bleep ] you, jersey mike's! ♪ jimmy's heroes ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i couldn't have said it better myself. we've got a great show for you tonight. music from action bronson. we'll be right back with jason bateman, so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (vo) you can be well-dressed. (man) wahoooo! (vo) you can be well-groomed. or even well-spoken. (man) ooooooo. (vo) but there's just something about being well-adventured. (man) wahoooooo! (vo) adventure on a deeper level. discover more in the subaru forester wilderness. love. it's what makes subaru, subaru. subaru is the national park foundation's largest corporate donor. there's a different way to treat hiv. it's every-other-month, injectable cabenuva. for adults who are undetectable, cabenuva is the only complete, long-acting hiv treatment you can get every other month. cabenuva helps keep me undetectable.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. i want to thank -- once again, thanks to jimmy fallon. jimmy and jennifer lopez have coauthored a children's book they called "con pollo." it comes out october 11th. guillermo, why didn't we do this? >> guillermo: i told you, jimmy -- >> jimmy: you told me no such thing. >> guillermo: i did, you never listen. >> jimmy: why are you still dressed as an apple? >> guillermo: i don't know, jimmy. >> jimmy: i don't know either. also tonight, he's from queens. his album is called, "cocodrillo turbo," music from action bronson. [ cheers and applause ] then later, we're going to go out on the street to guess who is stoned and who is not in a special brooklyn edition of "who's high?" and i see you raising your hand. [ laughter ] no, that's for people outside of the building, not in. [ laughter ]

next week, we'll be back in l.a. with -- our guests will be keanu reeves, norman reedus, charlie hunnam -- sorry. [ laughter ] iliza shlesinger and jdd apatow. with music from miranda lambert, flo, phoenix, nav, and don toliver. so please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest on our last night in town has been making movies and tv shows since your mom went to prom. you know him from "ozark," "arrested development," "silver spoons," you name it, he was on it. his super popular podcast called "smartless," let the batemania run wild. say hello to jason bateman. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: no one, no one loves the roar of the crowd more than you -- >> than will arnett. [ laughter ] this is so much better than l.a., just move to new york. [ cheers and applause ] this is, like -- i mean, if you guys could see the situation in l.a. you guys wouldn't get it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's -- it's just -- like just this -- the five rows right there, that's it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah that's it, yeah. yet it's interesting. you saying move to new york. because you live in l.a. [ laughter ] so you want me to leave? >> no, i want -- i want to move to new york. >> jimmy: you want to move to new york? [ cheers and applause ] well, yeah, you got kids in school, that's not so easy when you're a dad, is it? >> i could go back and forth. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because when you were a kid, you were -- you were raised on television. you didn't even have a house. you were raised on the set of "little house on the prairie."

>> i lived inside a little tv box. we did get to come to new york. that's when the love affair started. >> jimmy: tell me about the first time. >> well, this is a late show. her name was -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, i mean -- what i mean by that is, the first time you were in new york. >> in new york. >> jimmy: yes, not in a woman. >> his name was -- [ laughter ] oh, you're talking about visiting. >> jimmy: yes, visiting. yeah. how old? >> i can't do another bit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no. >> i was probably -- i know that i was with -- i think i was with my dad. i was coming to do some press like this. i think i was probably 12 or 13 or something like that. and it was -- i mean, you got to see -- i was born in ryan, new york, but i left when i was 2. [ cheers ] that was my first experience -- seasons. like, you guys actually have seasons here. you know? that was nice. >> jimmy: for you it was just pilot season and that's it, right? [ laughter ] >> and it's much more colorful

here. as far as navigating the sidewalk and driving and whatnot. you see stuff here -- there was -- i remember walking up sixth avenue once, this was later, and a guy just -- not peeing, doing the other thing. [ laughter ] middle of the afternoon. on a wednesday. on the sidewalk on sixth avenue. >> jimmy: he couldn't at least have had the decency to save it for the weekend? >> no. [ laughter ] but i was prepped for stuff like that. because i think on the first trip, i remember -- i was driving with my dad in the cab, i think probably on our way from the airport to the hotel. and we stopped at a red light. and i just looked out the window, looking at all the foot traffic. this guy just gets his clock cleaned for no reason at all. knocked right off his feet with a punch. and i turn to my dad, "see that?" he goes, "i did see that." head on a swivel in new york city. [ laughter ] i was like, all right! an hour later we're walking around on the streets.

"look at this, we've got a magician over here, he's got a card trick going." of course, in retrospect, it's three card monty. [ laughter ] he's playing three card monty. you get your clock cleaned financially. my dad lost 200 bucks and his wallet was stolen while he was standing there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> yeah, mr. marty, keep your head on a swivel, he didn't know what he was doing either. >> jimmy: i see why this love affair with new york began. [ laughter ] >> the only thing that is nerve-racking in l.a. is if they don't have something gluten free. or traffic. that's it. >> jimmy: yeah. you did your podcast "smartless," which is wildly entertaining -- [ cheers and applause ] two live shows in brooklyn? >> we did. i forget the name of the venue. it was big and beautiful, like this. it just blows our mind that people are listening to it, let alone come out live for it. you were very nice enough to come on when we were in l.a.

and it's like -- it's an hour a week. on a laptop. you're doing -- you're working your nards off five days a week. you need a nice podcast. get some stupid ass like will arnett, some sweet angel like sean hayes, and you'd be done. >> jimmy: i know what you're saying. also, it's 91 to do this. >> it is. >> jimmy: it's fun to do it in front of people. the idea behind your podcast, the one really different thing is, one of you will book a guest, the other two don't know the guest. >> right, that's to cut down on having to research. >> jimmy: who did you have here in brooklyn? >> here in brooklyn, we had -- aoc. and we had david letterman. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and david letterman, which is -- >> you had david letterman on. >> jimmy: tuesday night. >> does he still look like galileo? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he looks good, he looks like dave letterman. he's not to be trifled with. were you nervous to have dave on, interviewing dave? because he did -- >> yeah, it's very nerve-racking. i'm sure for you too. >> jimmy: very much so.

>> hero for me, hero for you, for all of us. i was very shocked he said yes. the odds of him even knowing who we are, me, will, and sean -- i just don't get it. >> jimmy: he was a big "hogan family" fan. [ laughter ] >> i don't buy that. i did his show a handful of times but i still was convinced he had no idea what my name was. >> jimmy: were you really? for real? >> honestly. then he sits down on the couch, we're doing the "smartless" thing out here. and i start asking him questions. still trying to figure out if he even knows what my name is or whether he's just here because publicist said do it. i said, "i really love doing your show the few times you had me on there." and he said, something like -- "well, it was probably better for you than it was for me." [ laughter ] "what do you mean?" he goes, "you really left a mark on that show." i was very excited that he did remember me, but then quickly brought down to earth. because he said, "because you will just not shut up."

[ laughter ] it's like, what do you mean? he says, "you're the most long-winded guy ever on a talk show." i'm paraphrasing. [ laughter ] but as i'm going on right now, "you just keep going and going and going with a story." i said, "dave, i once saw you on an interview, you know -- it's the guest's job to talk, it's not your job to talk." i was like, "the guest isn't doing the host a favor by being on the show." jimmy's doing me a favor by having me on the show, so i've got to come with stuff prepared. i have stories prepared. i guess i went on a little too long, notoriously. they have to change the time they go away to commercial and stuff. i was mortified to hear all this. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you were -- >> buoyed that he even know who i was. >> jimmy: you were known as the guy who talks too much on a talk show? >> they couldn't book a second guest. [ laughter ] i was a double block, yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, you have a lot of good stuff.

something we want to get into, this is a fun game we play at dinner sometimes. jason bateman is here. his podcast is called "smartless." we'll be right back with jason. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ s... put it in check with rinvoq, a once-daily pill. when uc got unpredictable,... i got rapid symptom relief with rinvoq. when uc held me back... i got lasting, steroid-free remission with rinvoq. check. and when uc got the upper hand... rinvoq helped visibly repair the colon lining. check. rapid symptom relief. lasting, steroid-free remission. and a chance to visibly repair the colon lining. check. check. and check. rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin cancer; death, heart attack, stroke, and tears in the stomach or intestines occurred. people 50 and older... with at least 1 heart disease risk factor have higher risks. don't take if allergic to rinvoq... as serious reactions can occur. tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant.

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cute! ooh, that was wonderful, sweetie! oh, oh, oh, i have a song about their cheese plates. ♪ cheese please! cheese please! cheese please! cheese please! ♪ uh- it's time for lunch. aw... ♪ ♪

♪ come on america discover the book ♪ ♪ open up a brand-new world ♪ ♪ take a peek and let it speak you'll see how life can be ♪ ♪ come on america it's time for the book ♪ ♪ come on america discover the book ♪ ♪ get your spirits oh so high ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. that is a very devout jason bateman, discovering "the book." i forgot about that. when they decided to make the bible hip. hip the bible up by calling it "the book." >> i didn't know that. >> jimmy: you didn't know what? >> i didn't know what it was. you know. we're not bright people, us actors.

[ laughter ] we have a team of people that keeps us smart and from getting hit by traffic. i think probably a publicist said, "there's a very important, great," probably a charity, something, whatever they framed it. i was like, yeah, yeah, i'll do it, whatever. i did that. i was in, out, clearly there wasn't a lot of research done there. [ laughter ] it was during "the hogan family." i remember after one of the tapings, the audience files out. and some woman put her head behind the curtain and i was walking back to my dressing room. "hey, jason!" i turned around, "hello." she says, "how's jesus?" [ laughter ] "how's your relationship with jesus?" i had no idea what she was talking about, obviously. i said, "he's not returning my calls, i don't know." [ laughter ] she goes, "that's great, smartass. why are you doing stuff for the book if you don't know jesus?" "what book?" "the book."

"oh, is that what that is?" [ laughter ] my publicist was like -- she said, you've got to do something for the book. you know me, i don't read. i'm not proud of that, i'm not a reader. i thought, oh, anything for a book that will make me seem smart, since i don't read. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: reading, well. abe bagoda's doing it, why not you? >> i might be the only person still alive on that. >> jimmy: no, no, lisa's fine. >> lisa welch is still alive. >> jimmy: glen campbell passed away. abe bagoda. >> god bless. >> jimmy: gone, yeah. >> i'm the least religious person in the world. i wish i was, i'm just not bright. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: believe me, abe and glen are rooting for you. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm sure, from up above. >> i hope. >> jimmy: i think people forget how many -- i know i don't forget because i am constantly asking you questions. what i like to do is just run random names, mostly from the '80s, by jason. and then i say, "did you know this person?" right. >> jimmy: it's remarkable how

many of these people you know. now, this has not been prepared in any way. you don't know what i'm going to ask you. i'm going to run through some names. if you don't know them, just pass or whatever. but i think you probably will know them. >> what if i pass on all of them? >> jimmy: then it will be terrible. >> you didn't set up this piece. >> jimmy: it's okay, you tend to be long-winded anyway. [ laughter ] bill cosby. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah? >> yeah. i was out here in new york, doing some press. some affiliate something or other. i remember being at a large table, backstage, with mr. cosby. i remember my mother being between me and bill. and he was very chatty with my mother. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, really? all right. lee majors. >> never met him, but oh, i'd love to. >> jimmy: farrah fawcett? >> no. >> jimmy: emmanuel lewis, "webster"? >> yes. >> jimmy: yes? >> emmanuel lewis doing "webster" on the paramount lot where my sister was doing "family ties." i'd like to cruise around, bop into other stages, say hi to

folks. i got myself a relationship with emmanuel lewis, and we were buddyed for a minute or two. >> jimmy: what would you guys do together? >> i don't know -- i think this is before video games. i don't know. read comic books or something? >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> something stupid. but hello to him. >> jimmy: herve villechaize, tattoo from "fantasy island." >> no. i would have loved to do "fantasy island." before my time. >> jimmy: you never did "fantasy island"? >> i'm not that old, f-u, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can see you running on deck, gavin macleod, "hey, son, slow it down." >> that's "love boat." >> jimmy: oh. >> i would have liked to have done that too. [ laughter ] ricardo montalban. >> jimmy: you never met him? >> no, nor gavin macleod. >> jimmy: hulk hogan? >> no, but i did hit a screaming line drive past a sprinting lou ferrigno at dodger stadium during "hollywood stars night."

does that count? he's a wrestler. >> jimmy: i've played baseball with lou ferrigno as well. >> not much of a right fielder. >> jimmy: big, quite a physique, obviously. also "call me brian" the whole day. [ laughter ] michael jackson? >> ricky schroeder and i almost ran over michael jackson with our bicycles. [ laughter ] this is while we were doing "silver spoons" at universal. we'd need to have our bikes because kids gotta play. michael was there to see him. [ laughter ] [ moans ] hey. he was a fan of the show and a fan of rick. he was coming onto the stage while we were zooming off. and almost took him down. >> jimmy: wow. did he moonwalk out of the way? [ laughter ] >> nice. this is talk show quick. >> jimmy: yeah. wow, should i go one more? >> let's go one more, bonus round. >> jimmy: mr. t? >> yeah. >> jimmy: go ahead. >> my mother worked out with mr.

t's trainer. and that's how i got to meet mr. t. it's just so random. i got to retire. i got to get out of this. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no. >> i feel like a circus freak. >> jimmy: no you're -- no, you're a circus of the stars freak what is you are. >> i would have loved to have done that. >> jimmy: you didn't do -- >> "battle of the network stars." why don't we bring that back? you've got juice here. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i would love to do "battle of the network stars." you're not on a network, you'd be teamless, we'd have to give you a show of some kind. >> wouldn't that be a streaming team? >> jimmy: i guess so but that sounds terrible. >> we'd dominate. >> jimmy: you want to hang around? we're going to do something we do lack in l.a. in l.a. there are a lot of marijuana shops. >> oh. >> jimmy: next to every doughnut shop, there is a marijuana shop. >> more dispensaries in l.a. than starbucks. >> jimmy: true. >> i hear. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: go out on the street, use our powers of deduction to figure out who is high, and less

importantly, who isn't. we're going to do that with jason bateman when we come back. we'll be right back in brooklyn, new york. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ have you seen my new phone yet? it like, folds in half. i would never switch to samsung, i love my phone. what??? ♪♪ (...it folds in half.) you see i love my phone. i would never switch to samsuuu... (gasping) ♪♪ for people living with h-i-v, keep being you. and ask your doctor about biktarvy. biktarvy is a complete, one-pill, once-a-day treatment used for h-i-v in certain adults. it's not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights h-i-v to help you get to and stay undetectable. that's when the amount of virus is so low

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step 1: greet your shrimp step 2: bid your shrimp farewell. repeat! ultimate endless shrimp is back with new parmesan-bacon shrimp scampi. welcome to fun dining. ♪♪ (sneeze) ♪♪ ♪♪ so, you're 45. that's the perfect age to see some old friends, explore new worlds, and to start screening for colon cancer. yep. with colon cancer rising in adults under 50, the american cancer society recommends starting to screen earlier, at age 45. i'm cologuard, a noninvasive way to screen at home, on your schedule. and i find 92% of colon cancers. i'm for people 45+ at average risk for colon cancer, not high risk. false positive and negative results may occur. ask your provider if cologuard is right for you. kenan! false positive and negative results may occur. hey kenan! looking good. feeling good.

i just found all these cars on autotrader. wow! now wait for the best part there microwave. a dealer is gonna deliver this car to our home. never leave home, never leave home! woo, it's here! there's one thing... i can't do from home. drive! someone stop him! kenan! catch ya later, refrigerator! well, we made it through another halloween without getting eaten. this year was a close one. yeah, tell me about it. ooh, feel that chill? i don't feel anything. uhh, this can't be good. [acoustic soul music throughout] [acoustic soul music throughout] [acoustic soul music throughout] [acoustic soul music throughout]

[acoustic soul music throughout]

>> lou: next week on "jimmy kimmel live" --

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. we have jason bateman. it's a recap. just to recap, we play a game back in l.a. we talk to pedestrians, we try to determine just by questioning and observing which of three pedestrians is high. and since it's legal in new york now, we thought it would be fun to try our first-ever brooklyn edition of "who's high?" [ cheers and applause ] my cousin sal is on the street outside b.a.m. sal, you are not high? you don't actually do that? >> sal: no, not me. i have to say, last night i saw a guy who looked a lot like you, smoking weed out of a rigatoni noodle, and that's not a joke. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know what you're talking about. >> sal: i have pictures. >> jimmy: sal is going to bring in three passersby. so bring them in, people you found on the street today. >> sal: yep. >> jimmy: all right. jason, maybe we'll make this a competition. >> oh, boy. >> jimmy: feel free to ask any

questions you like. and we'll go through them in order. we'll start with the gentleman in the white jacket there. hi, what's your name? >> how are you? robert marcelo. >> jimmy: all right. >> robert, super high, drink some orange juice and lay down. >> i'm good, i'm good. >> jimmy: you don't want t e'esve look rybody. i'm looking, i don't need more than just the glasses. [ laughter ] the glasses and the white jacket. >> jimmy: robert, what do you do for a living? >> used car salesman. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. >> and i'm a brooklyn boy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, great, all right. i'm not getting high from him, i don't feel it. let's talk to our next contestant here. your name is? >> i'm moira. hi, guys, how are you? so excited. >> jimmy: moira, can we zoom in a little closer? [ laughter and applause ] moira? are you starting to rethink your guess, jason?

>> i need johnny sunglasses to take off the shades. >> jimmy: would you mind taking off the shades, robert? >> sure. >> sal: it's like "fantasy island" meets little italy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you look straight to me. all right. we met moira. moira, what do you do for work? >> i'm an art teacher. >> jimmy: oh. >> oh. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] finally, our third person is? what is your name, sir? >> christopher bomba. >> jimmy: christopher, are you in the fitness industry? >> i think. >> jimmy: you think? >> personal trainer. >> jimmy: yeah. you don't look like that and smoke weed regularly. [ laughter ] so i am going to go -- [ laughter ] oh, maybe you do, i don't know. i am going to go with moira as my guess. jason? [ applause ] >> because she's an art teacher?

>> jimmy: no, because she has no pupils whatsoever. [ laughter ] she's a rare teacher with no pupils. >> i'll go -- i guess i got to go with bobby sunglasses. >> jimmy: you're going robert, i'm going moira. who among you is high? please step forward if you are high. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: moira. what did you have? >> you know, good stuff. >> jimmy: did you smoke it or eat it? >> oh. uh, through the -- through the smoke. [ laughter ] >> sal: injected it. >> why couldn't she have said that at the beginning? that's a lay-up there. "through the smoke." >> jimmy: sal, bring in three more people. let's meet our first contestant. >> right there, oh, boy. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: that looks an awful lot like the roastmaster general, jeffrey ross. hi, jeff. >> hi, guys, how are you doing? >> jimmy: doing well. i feel like i might have the advantage on this. jeff, open your eyes so we can see them. [ laughter ] >> i'm squinting because i don't want to have to look at sal. this close up. look at these people. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you think, jeff? >> i don't want to say i'm high yet, but i was high when i agreed to come on here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who is our second pedestrian? let's get a little bit closer there. hi, there. >> hi. i'm regan. >> jimmy: regan. you seem to be in disguise, regan. [ laughter ] what are you -- are you a superhero? >> sometimes. >> jimmy: are you fighting crime out there? >> never. >> jimmy: never, okay.

all right, so you're pro-crime. you're your name is regan. >> he tried to sell me weed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and regan, would you mind taking off the glasses? because we cannot see your face at all. >> they don't come off. >> jimmy: they're a part of your look, huh? this has become more complicated now. and finally -- we have? >> hey, y'all, i'm mary royal. >> jimmy: hi, mary, how are you? >> it's mary royalel, it's a double name. >> sal: all right, don't scream. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: you aren't high but you are annoying, mary. >> thank you. >> she was my lyft driver coming over here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, well i don't know about you. but boy, it could easily be any of the three. i know jeff well enough to say that if he's out of bed, he's high. [ laughter ] i'm going with jeff. >> a pretty safe bet. i would say jeff is high on

weed. you got regan high on acid. [ laughter ] and mary royall is just high on life because she's got a bitching double name. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. if you're high on weed, please step forward! of course, jeff. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> my day off! legal, give it up for legal weed, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> sal: jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah? >> sal: we have for our contestants prizes, leftover chinese food. >> jimmy: what do we have? oh, chinese, right. >> sal: i'm sorry. >> i do kind of have the munchies, sal, thanks, buddy. >> jimmy: thanks for playing. thanks for playing "who's high?" there they go, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, jason bateman. i think i won. >> yeah, what do you get? >> jimmy: nothing. just the pride of winning. >> well played. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with action bronson.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series in brooklyn is presented by mercedes e-q.

all electric, all mercedes. >> jimmy: what a week this was. thanks to everyone who came out to see our shows here in brooklyn. thanks to jason bateman and jeffrey ross. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, his album is called "cocodrillo turbo." here with the song "jaguar," action bronson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, queens in the building tonight, brooklyn, new york city ♪ ♪ yeah put your hands up ♪ ♪ never look me in the eye like a gypsy selling roses ♪ ♪ mysterious lady with the dragon tattoo on her shoulder ♪ ♪ let the tommy off out the stroller with the motor ♪ ♪ and jump over the hood of the jaguar like a jaguar hold on man ♪ ♪ you could find me in a tree like a black jaguar ♪ ♪ or in aisle three at pathmark

about to buy my son a matchbox car ♪ ♪ my performance like aaron donald at the combine ♪ ♪ love and hate there's a fine line should i let it go or turn him to a wonton ♪ ♪ you be gone long time uh i'm positioned at high ground covering the shore ♪ ♪ you got a face like paulie shore ♪ ♪ it takes forever to pull the long 44 out my shorts ♪ ♪ i don't give a if you're five hundred pounds you getting tossed up ♪ ♪ i'm all high and sauced up i put five corvette engines in a porsche truck ♪ ♪ red seats look like raw duck just hike the ball to me on the fourth hut ♪ ♪ queens man flashing queens man ♪ ♪ boy you're looking like a bison ♪ ♪ i look like m. bison ♪ ♪ black widow on my tricep you could find a head in the freezer next to them rainbow ices ♪ ♪ yeah you see me with that all-day glow two-door forest green country range rover ♪ ♪ jump off ladders like edge bronson's off his meds just did a summersault out the jet ♪

♪ to show respect call me chef and stand off to the left ♪ ♪ now it's best you do a handoff for my check ♪ ♪ because you don't wanna [ muted ] stand off one little move of my finger will ♪ ♪ knock your pajamas off and hit your with a banana boat ♪ ♪ no animals were hurt during the recording of this song ♪ ♪ nor in the performance of this song ♪ ♪ queens 164th street right over there ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, a california family seemingly idyllic life shattered by violence. >> okay, so your wife was kidnapped? >> she's dead. >> husband and father of her three children charged in the disturbing crime. >> we they an investigation's in the bag, he's going to prison for the homicide. >> a sudden twist. >> he's making his court appearances until one day he does not. >> eluding authorities for five long years, adopting a new identity and a new life in mexico. >> this guy committed murder in our city, we're not going to let him be on the run and live his life. >> we retrace his steps and life in hiding and the phone call that changed everything.