appreciate your time. jimmy kimmel is next >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, kristen bell, david shrigley, and music from noah kahan. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, thank you. very nice. welcome, welcome. that's very nice. [ cheers and applause ] thanks a whole lot. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thank you for joining us on a happy taco tuesday, everybody. i have to say, when i was a kid, thanksgiving was my least-favorite holiday because there were no presents.

but now i love thanksgiving because there are no presents. [ laughter ] it's just cooking and eating and football and drinking. it's like being guillermo for a day. >> guillermo: yeah! [ cheers ] >> jimmy: are you still making chicken for thanksgiving instead of turkey? >> guillermo: yes, we love chicken. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: this year, i'm vaping the turkey. [ laughter ] smoking was too much work. the bad thanksgiving news is, everybody's sick. three viruses are on the rise. covid, of course, the flu, and rsv. it's like a disease turducken. all happening at once. the weather could be an issue. they're expecting rain and snow on both sides of the country. in buffalo, they got six feet of snow over the weekend. which left some locals vulnerable when it comes to food and critical supplies. >> the cleanup continues after the giant storm this weekend. our colleagues at spectrum news in buffalo were out talking to people as they dug themselves out.

>> all cleared out? >> pretty good, but i'm running out of beer. [ laughter ] which is a problem. and weed. but that's my own fault, i should have stocked up ahead of time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in fairness, you were high, so -- lesson learned. the holiday movie season is almost upon us. one of if not the most anticipated releases this year is the long-awaited sequel to avatar. "avatar: the way of the water" opens next month and was very expensive. so expensive, director jim cameron says the movie needs to make $2 billion just to break even. is it even possible for a movie to make $2 billion? i feel like you'd need to have tom cruise and spider-man fighting harry potter on the death star to make $2 billion. [ laughter ] the first avatar came out 13 years ago. this is the second of five avatar movies they are planning to make over the course of the next 700 years. [ laughter ] the next three, they'll release right into your brain.

you won't even have to see it. another highly anticipated release is donald trump's tax returns. [ laughter ] we may actually finally maybe see what darth tax evader has been hiding from us. [ cheers and applause ] the supreme court ruled against him. they denied trump's request to stop democrats in the house from examining his taxes. the ruling was unanimous. there were no dissents. you know it's bad when even clarence thomas is like "i'm out, bro, you're on our own on this one." [ laughter ] trump is very upset because as he told us many, many times he was planning to release them himself. >> if i decide to run for office, i'll produce my tax returns, absolutely. i have no objection to showing tax returns. as soon as my routine audit is finished, i'll release my returns. i'll be very proud to. after the audit is complete -- it's a routine audit. if i were finished with the audit, i would have an open mind to it. i would say that. if i weren't under audit, i would do it, i have no problem with it.

i'm going to release them as soon as we can. i want to do it. i'm under a routine audit, and it will be released, and as soon as the audit's finished it will be released. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he promised to release his tax returns more times than he promised to release melania, like 10,000. [ laughter ] democrats only have a few weeks to access those documents before the republicans retake the house and make them disappear. basically, trump's tax returns are like a close friend's instagram story. [ laughter ] today also brought an appeals court hearing in the classified documents case. trump's lawyer complained that when they came to mar-a-lago to get to the stuff he stole from the white house, investigators took some of his golf shirts and multiple pictures of celine dion. [ laughter ] for real. what is he doing with multiple pictures -- is it possible he's even weirder than we thought? [ laughter ] and for someone who is so careless with classified material, he's so focused on keeping anything related to him secret. we already know he cheated on

his wife, he cheated on his taxes, he's cheated on business deals, he gives almost nothing to charity, and he tried to get an election overturned. unless he's also secretly the chupacabra, what's left to hide? [ laughter ] it's a very bad day for donald trump on the legal front. his buddy lindsey graham was forced to testify in the fulton county fake election investigation. trump right now is like an alien abductee getting probed from every angle. [ laughter ] he is also said to be "extremely pissed" that republicans don't want him to go to georgia to help campaign with herschel walker for the runoff. they believe it could hurt herschel walker's chances of winning. herschel walker doesn't need donald trump out there to make him look bad. [ laughter ] he's doing a very good job of that himself. >> i saw a commercial. can you believe this? he's talking about me. then i see him with a doll. with a doll named albert. that albert don't even belong to him. that ain't even his doll. he's trying to fool you that he got a doll, that's not even his

doll, that belong to somebody else. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, what about those kids of yours? who do they belong to? [ moans and applause ] while we're on the subject, one of the women who says herschel paid for her abortion, a woman he claims he does not know, came forward with even more evidence today. a voicemail that her lawyer was very pleased to share with the media. >> jimmy: you big sex puppy? wait a minute, do you think the sex puppy might be alvin? [ laughter ] it would be quite a twist. so he's dumb. [ laughter ] meanwhile, they're gearing up for the holidays at the white house. yesterday, the white house christmas tree was delivered.

via horse and carriage. this has been a presidential tradition since joe biden was a teenager back in 1889. [ laughter ] the bidens got an evergreen fir from a farm in joe's home state of pennsylvania. they say the tree is 20 years old. or it was. it's dead now. they killed the tree. [ laughter ] jill biden was on hand to receive the tree, which is good. the last administration made the white house look like the hotel from "the shining." [ laughter ] trees covered in blood or ketchup, i don't know. [ laughter ] because we had a first lady who hates christmas like a slovenian krampus. [ laughter ] it's funny watching fox news trying to make everything into something negative. the arrival of the white house christmas tree happened on the same day as the traditional pardon of the turkeys at the white house. and that gave the gang at laura ingraham's show another imaginary ax to grind. >> the turkey pardon had barely happened, it was barely finished, when jill biden went christmas tree. at this rate, new year's eve could be coming tonight at midnight.

can we take a breath between the seasons? elections go on for four weeks, but thanksgiving and christmas is over in an afternoon with the bidens. i've never seen anything like it. >> jimmy: really? [ laughter ] never seen anything like it? that's interesting. because this is what he said about 15 seconds later. >> in 2019, the bidens -- the trumps also had the turkey pardon and the tree reveal on the same day. >> to be fair. >> jimmy: right, right. [ laughter ] when they did it, it was magical! and maybe the funniest part of fox complaining about the white house skipping thanksgiving and going straight to christmas is earlier that night, they made a big show of lighting the fox christmas tree, complete with santa and top-quality christmas-themed merch. >> this is not what you'd wear to an ugly sweater party, this is very fashionable. you're going to be seeing this a lot this christmas season. check this out. all right? >> it's a dress. >> don't gasp. >> it's stunning. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: indeed, it is. and it can be yours for the low, low price of $99.99. [ laughter ] that's almost $100.

the perfect gift for whoever you least want to sit with at christmas dinner. [ laughter ] joe biden last night celebrated friendsgiving by dishing out mashed potatoes to military families at a marine corps air base in north carolina. oh, look at this kid here getting his potatoes, there you are. i can't imagine what he's saying to these kids. "you know, when i was your age, my grandmammy served our potatoes out of a shoe." [ laughter ] "she called them shoe potatoes." "oh, that's so interesting, mr. president, i'm going to get some yam." [ laughter ] mashed potatoes, by the way, are the second most popular thanksgiving side item. according to campbell's, the soup people who released what they call the "state of the sides" report. the number one most popular side is -- do you know what it is? stuffing is number one. the report also found that two-thirds of americans prefer side dishes to the main course. you hear that, turkeys? we're killing you for fun! [ laughter ] there's no reason for it. but thanksgiving isn't about

food we don't really like that much. thanksgiving is about gratitude for what we have. so as we get ready to head off to spend some time with our loved ones, i'd like to take a moment of silence to reflect on what we are grateful for. jeff, can we have some reflection music while we silently think? ♪ >> jimmy: i am grateful that i have a healthy family and wonderful friends. >> lou: i'm thankful the show doesn't do background checks. i've done some crazy [ bleep ]. >> i'm thankful i look so sexy in this child-sized polo shirt. >> i'm thankful for my family, my career, and that my husband looks like a police sketch of every guy who stormed the capitol on january 6th. >> this show is boring. when does he do the carpool karaoke? >> i'm thankful for horny cops.

>> i'm thankful my wife has never looked at my internet browser history. >> i've seen it. i'm just thankful he touches himself and not me. >> i'm thankful i was able to buy this jeffrey dahmer costume so long after halloween. >> guillermo: i'm thankful jimmy doesn't know i'm not paying attention to the show. whenever he looks over here, i just say "yes, jimmy." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait a minute, is that true, guillermo? >> guillermo: yes, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. [ applause ] i'm thankful that we've got a good show for you tonight. the great artist david shrigley is with us tonight. we have music from noah kahan. and we'll be right back with kristen bell. so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, hi, there. welcome back to the show. tonight, an exceptionally talented artist. his new book is titled "get your s-word together" and that word is not "sword." david shrigley is with us. [ cheers and applause ] see what we did, made it into a pound sign, otherwise it can't be on tv. we're very clever around here. very, very clever. a singer-songwriter from strafford, vermont. his album is called "stick season." noah kahan from the mercedes eq stage. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is an actress author, singer, podcaster, disney princess, and a force of good throughout the world.

her new movie "the people we hate at the wedding" is on amazon prime video now. please welcome kristen bell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i like when you're wearing, it's very stylish, >> thank you, you can borrow it. >> jimmy: i think -- wouldn't that be funny, actually? >> if you borrowed it? >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> you too. >> jimmy: your husband, for those who don't know, i think most people know, is dax shepard. [ cheers ] actor, director, writer, podcaster -- >> and a great husband. >> jimmy: from what i've been able to gather, seems to be a great husband and father as well. >> i do like him quite a bit, yes. >> jimmy: like a really good father. >> yeah. >> jimmy: like the kind of father that makes me say to my dad, "hey, what happened?" [ laughter ] >> yes, he's very -- he has

committed to being very involved in our kids' lives and very involved in our marriage. and he's a real go-getter. >> jimmy: yeah, he is. >> i have no complaints. >> jimmy: i mean, he -- yeah, he talks to the kids in a serious way, which i think is impressive. >> he's very honest with our children, about everything. >> jimmy: yeah, he is honest about everything. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i didn't want to say that. because i figured i'd let you say that. but everything is just out on the table, right? >> very, very honest. in fact, it backfired a couple of weeks ago. because my mom came in town, who is more conservative than i am. and we have been really, really honest with our kids. and i have never really done any drugs. and i wanted to try mushrooms for my 40th birthday. so my husband had gotten them for me and i tried it. this was a couple of years ago. we told our kids about it. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. then i overheard my daughter talking to my mom, to grandma. "i'm actually really glad they share all this stuff with me, so anyway, mom really wanted to try mushrooms."

[ laughter ] and i just walked by. and i was like, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh. for some reason, i'm more worried about telling my mom than my daughter. >> jimmy: are you sure they know what that means? if a pizza shows up with mushrooms -- >> they fully know, because their dad is in recovery. he's really honest about what alcohol does to your body, how it makes you feel funny and empairs things, what drugs do to your body and why most drugs are illegal, all that. all that stuff. >> jimmy: it's crazy. are you guys ready for thanksgiving? speaking of drugs. [ laughter ] >> oh, very. very. tryptophan, i know what you're talking about. yeah, i have a secret to thanksgiving that we've been hosting it for four or five years. and the first year i hosted, i cooked. and it was miserable. >> jimmy: you did everything? >> yeah. and -- i mean, there was a lot of help, but i just thought what on earth am i trying to prove? so i ordered food the next year. game changer. [ laughter ] best thanksgiving i've ever had! >> jimmy: you ordered

traditional food? >> sure. >> jimmy: or ordering -- >> just pretended i cooked it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did? you do? >> yeah. i'm honest if people ask. but if they don't ask. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a -- >> "thank you." you get the whole spread. then you're supporting your local restaurants. >> jimmy: sure. >> i'm a big fan of that and my family's a big fan. because i have a -- i have had tendency to burn things in the kitchen. i do love cooking. >> jimmy: when you say burn things, just burning the food or fire? >> fire, fire, fire. >> jimmy: fires, yeah. [ laughter ] wow. "things," are the kitchen? >> i suppose both, food does come out -- >> jimmy: it goes along with it. >> i'm not allowed to use the broiler in my home. that was a collective decision from all three of them. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> i love garlic bread, who doesn't? >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> it's delicious. so every single time i put the garlic bread in, i walk away. i got other stuff to do. >> jimmy: uh-huh?

>> and i forget that the broiler's on. and it's just like, open, flames and everything's black. two days ago i set the garbage can on fire. >> jimmy: how did you set the garbage can on fire? >> oophh. i was home alone, lit a candle, was upstairs, reading, typing on the computer, dax screaming "what's going on?" i ran downstairs. "how did you set the trash can on fire?" apparently i didn't wiggle it under the water before i put it in the trash can. >> jimmy: oh, the match? >> yeah. i didn't throw the lit candle in the trash can. [ laughter ] i just didn't wiggle it under the water. then it was very smoky. >> jimmy: yeah. >> there weren't flames, but -- >> jimmy: wow. isn't that interesting. it's so hard to light things. if you were to try to light your logs in the fireplace, it takes 40 minutes. >> not for me, man. not for me. >> jimmy: boy, you're like drew barrymore in a stephen king movie. >> i'll get it done. >> jimmy: wow. okay, that's not good, by the way.

>> no, it's not great. but look, that's why i'm hosting -- we're hosting like 24 people. i figured i'd order. >> jimmy: hosting, not roasting? that's your philosophy? >> yeah, that's right. >> jimmy: listen, whatever you have to do, that's the way it goes. everybody's fine with it? >> yeah, it's more of a friendsgiving because we're not doing it with family, mostly friends. >> jimmy: your family is huge on your growing-up family. >> oh, baby. >> jimmy: how many people? >> like rabbits. my dad is one of 12. yeah. catholic rabbits. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dad is one of 12? >> one of 12. each of the 12 had minimally three kids, some had five or six. and i think that the tally of first cousins, last i remembered, it was 37 or 38. and then with them having kids, we're well into the 60s now. there's so many cousins. >> jimmy: do you know all of your first cousins? >> i do. >> jimmy: by name? >> i do. i'm not going to do it right now. [ laughter ] i'm not going to name them right now. obviously, i know them. >> jimmy: you keep in touch with

your aunts and uncles and all of these people? >> most of them, yeah, yeah. it's a big old family. >> jimmy: where do they live? still in michigan? >> we grew up in ohio. i grew up in michigan. most of the family's in ohio. they've slowly spread. the bells have been taking over. a lot of them are in vegas right now. >> jimmy: oh, wow. that's where my aunt chippy lives. we've got to get the relatives together. >> got to get them together. >> jimmy: they're dealers? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: where do they work? >> they pop around a lot, i don't know exactly what casinos they're at. my uncle bobby was a dealer for a long time, now he's a pit boss. he's such a goofball, he used to, when he was dealing craps, there was this guy would come in five days a week, he got chummy with this guy, they were friendly. they would have this bit at the craps table. the guy -- i should have led with this. he only had one arm. [ laughter ]

and so -- so the very necessarily -- >> jimmy: seems like a key point, yeah. >> it's a big, big part of the story. so the guy has one arm. they become really friendly. they create this bit that when my uncle bobby is dealing craps, the guy will roll the die, he just has a sleeve. my uncle bobby will slap that stick down, "hey, hey, one hand on the die!" and the whole table just gets really, really nervous. then the two of those guys erupt with laughter. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: shenanigans. >> vegas shenanigans. >> jimmy: i like the sound of uncle bobby. we'll see a little bit from the new movie. kristen bell is in a movie called "the people we hate at the wedding" which is on amazon prime. we'll be right back.

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have you seen this invitation? i am five minutes from homiciding someone, i can't stand her. >> i put it down on my kitchen table, poured kerosene, and burned my house down. >> the invites are gorgeous, but i'm not kidding, i think she spent $25,000. and they smell like rosemary. i am moving to space. >> okay, i'm screaming and i am dead. i died of screaming. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is kristen bell and ben platt in "people we hate at the wedding." on amazon prime. ben platt plays your brother. a bit of a tongue twister but true. >> my dream come true. >> jimmy: is it? >> i'm the number one ben platt fan in the world. i consume everything he's a part of. >> jimmy: did you know going into it that he would be your

brother in the movie? >> of course. >> jimmy: you did. >> in fact, last time i saw him in concert, i went with jill, your old producer. >> jimmy: oh, yes, jill loves ben. >> we love some ben platt. he's terrific in the movie. i really wanted to be a part -- i read the script during covid. i wanted to be part of something that was -- would just be entertaining and lighthearted and people could watch together and let us are the dysfunction. i wanted people to watch it and go, oh my god, we're not so bad, these people are crazy! [ laughter ] it's about a highly dysfunctional family that kind of has to reckon with their own vulnerabilities and come back together. >> jimmy: allison janney is your mom. >> she's heaven. >> jimmy: did you develop -- you didn't develop a motherly relationship with her? >> no, she's a very bad influence. [ laughter ] she's so spunky. >> jimmy: she's fun, right? >> so fun. i figured out why she's so, like, charismatic on screen and in person, because she really is. she's so playful. >> jimmy: it's the playfulness

that makes her -- the spunk that makes her playful, we don't know which came first. >> we should find out. she's a goofball. i loved it. >> jimmy: you are spunky too, and playful as well. because i will tell you, you got everybody -- we had a vacation in idaho. you drove your big bus. it's not even an rv. >> big brown, baby. >> jimmy: big brown. >> yep. >> jimmy: let me show you a picture in case you aren't familiar with the bell-shepard family bus, big brown. this is -- you can't give -- >> it's only a portion of it. >> jimmy: a giant bus this is. >> do you see what has happened on the back? >> jimmy: tell us. >> since you last saw it? this is the waylon jennings logo. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who put the waylon jennings logo on the bus? >> i'm going to give you two guesses. [ laughter ] between me and dak. what happened was we came to see you in idaho, which is our favorite trip of the year. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> then we went to north dakota and south dakota and had a big family road trip for a month.

by the time we got home, we'd broken everything in the bus. i mean, i had broken almost every single cupboard off its hinges, it was a mess. >> jimmy: these vehicles are garbage. [ laughter ] they break, break, break -- >> it's unbelievable. >> jimmy: never buy one. no matter how tempting it may be -- >> don't do it! >> jimmy: do not buy one of these things. >> no. dak actually drove it down to texas, which -- it's a -- >> jimmy: to have it repaired? >> to have everything repaired. "who's been living in here?" "a bunch of chimpanzees." [ laughter ] he was like, "do you want painting the waylon jennings logo on the back? he came back and surprised us with that. [ laughter ] i was like, what is that on the back? >> jimmy: waylon jennings died, what, 15 years ago? >> 2002. >> jimmy: okay. 20 years ago. they might be pulling up, looking for his ghost. >> sure. he's back on tour, baby! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sure he'd be flattered. what i was going to say about

you, you got everybody -- the snake river is in idaho and it's cold. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you got everybody to jump into it. everybody except for me. >> everybody, jimmy? >> jimmy: everybody except me. >> because we -- cold plunging is so good for you. and it feels so good. and you feel great the rest of the day. because really, it's like purposeful suffering. then you're like five hours of a really good mood. >> jimmy: do you think so? they say it's good for you. i've seen no actual evidence to support that. also, isn't there -- when you go along with the idea that anything that is unpleasant, you feel good when it's over? >> okay, yes. >> jimmy: if i were to take a hammer to my toe or something like that, i'd be like, "oh, wow -- okay." >> you're so grateful that it's over. same concept. [ laughter ] except that it's actually scientifically proven. your body wants to get back to homeostasis. if you do all the fun things, have a drink at dinner, you'll spend the next day being groggy because your body is

neutralizing you. if you purposely suffer and get into a cold plunge, you'll have five hours of an epinephrine boost, a dopamine boost, all of that. i got everybody on this trip, 25 of us, except you. >> jimmy: except me. i didn't want to go in. it's cold. [ laughter ] i'm going to tell you another thing that bothered me is that my wife makes me heat the pool to an unreasonable temperature at home. >> okay. >> jimmy: like 90 degrees or something like that. >> okay. >> jimmy: now all of a sudden she's leaping into the snake river? >> she was a baller. she was one of the first ones in. >> jimmy: i like a little balling at home. [ rim shot ] [ applause ] you know what i mean. >> you know what we listened to the whole way home? >> jimmy: oh, i do know, yeah. >> you do? >> jimmy: yeah. >> you made a mix tape. >> jimmy: i did. >> which was very sweet. i just want you to know that i'm not offended that you made literally a middle school mix

tape for my husband. [ laughter ] because i have a profound respect. when you find another adult male that is as obsessed with al jarreau as the both of you are? [ laughter ] i want you to know, i'm cool with it. >> jimmy: good. >> we listened to that yacht rock cd the whole way home, and we loved it. >> jimmy: i'm delighted to hear that. yes, i -- it did dawn on me it was a little bit unusual that i was making a tape for -- >> when he put it in, "what is this?" "oh, jimmy made me a mix." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did he get the flowers i sent him? [ laughter ] okay, all right. i'll check in with you after. it's great to see you. kristen bell, everybody. "the people we hate at the wedding." now on amazon prime video. thank you, kristen. we'll be back with david shrigley! [ cheers and applause ] ok, this audition better be worth the cost of the ink taped up behind us. we have the canon g series with megatank. that means megasavings.

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>> jimmy: well, look at this, we're back. music from noah kahan is on the way. our next guest is a talented artist whose work hangs in museums, and galleries, and even my children's bedrooms. his latest collection is called "get your [ bleep ] together." please say hello to david shrigley. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> good, thank you. >> jimmy: i've never seen you before. i have your artwork at my home. and in fact, i ordered something, one of your prints. somebody who works for you said, "hey, would you like to have david on the show?" i was like, "yes, i would like to have david on the show." now here you are, on the show. >> good idea, thank you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like magic it happened. you live in england, obviously. you -- maybe not obviously. you've only said a word or two. [ laughter ] it is true that you do live in england. we've never had a visual artist on the show.

we have some photographers. but this is a first. so congratulations. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i'm honored. >> jimmy: i think probably -- would you agree that this is maybe your best-known work, this painting? >> it's my most cheerful work. >> jimmy: your most cheerful. there's another one that i think is known and popular. i just love this one. i saw this on a tea towel or something. we bought it. we hung it in our son's room. and -- you know, he's not always nice, but he does like ice cream. [ laughter ] and this is -- i mean, the whimsical nature and the positive message. they're not all that. well, they are all whimsical. but not necessarily positive. do you think of the text first and then do the painting? or the other way around? >> mostly -- mostly the image, then the text.

it's kind of like a struggle to make images that don't necessarily describe the text, and text that doesn't necessarily kind of describe the images. you know, it's not illustration. there's a slippage between the text and the image. >> jimmy: sometimes there's a great contrast between the image and the text, which makes it fun. >> yeah, that's what i'm going for. >> jimmy: do you sit down and work? like in a normal way? like in other words, you sit down at a desk and write your work out? or draw your stuff? >> i have an ergonomic chair that i sit in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you schedule it? it's rigid, your schedule? >> oh, yeah, 10:00 to 6:00 every day. with a nap at lunchtime. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you have a lunch? >> do you? >> jimmy: no. how long's the nap? >> power nap, 10 minutes. >> jimmy: 10 minutes, all right. >> like switching the computer off and on. >> jimmy: this is one, "chocolate is not the problem,

you are the problem." [ laughter ] >> oh, yes. well, i'm a big chocolate fan. i have a problem with chocolate, maybe. >> jimmy: so you are talking to yourself in some of these? >> kind of. well, i also have a shop that sells my merchandise in copenhagen and denmark. we made a chocolate bar with this as the packaging. it actually won a bronze medal at the european chocolate awards. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's nice. >> it's really, really good chocolate. >> jimmy: there's a chocolate awards? >> yeah. and then there's -- >> jimmy: why aren't we hosting that, guillermo? >> guillermo: we didn't know. >> we qualified for the world chocolate awards, so the sky's the limit. i didn't make the chocolate, some very clever danish people made the chocolate. >> jimmy: i feel you wouldn't be boasting about it if you'd made the chocolate yourself, yeah? >> no, it's not one of my fortes. >> jimmy: in a way you're more proud of the chocolate strangers make.

[ laughter ] you do some sculptures and objects as well. this is a very big telephone. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and it's missing a number. i don't know if you're aware of that. >> yeah, yeah. that was the thing, the ultimate form over function. i kind of figured that it's a working telephone. >> jimmy: it is? >> yeah, so you can call out as long as the number doesn't have a zero. [ laughter ] we showed it in a fancy gallery in new york who kind of represent me and sell the work. and they -- yeah, we had an incident at the opening of the show. >> jimmy: what happened? an incident, i like an incident. >> yeah, we were -- we were all drinking champagne. and then, you know. mingling and talking. kind of intellectual stuff to each other. then the fire department came because somebody had called 911. which fortunately you can call 911, so it's kind of a responsible sculpture. >> jimmy: yeah, sure, yeah. [ laughter ]

>> so anyway, the story goes that david byrne, from talking heads. >> jimmy: talking heads, sure. >> one of my heroes, you know. amazing guy. i've met him a few times, which is kind of a really big deal for me. he's been to a couple of my openings. we talk and stuff. apparently he was the last one to use the phone before the fire department came. so the fire department all come in, we're spilling our champagne. then we sort of look around to the phone, and david byrne is nowhere to be seen, he's gone. [ laughter ] it's hearsay. >> jimmy: you think he may have dialed 911 and said "burning down the house"? [ laughter ] [ applause ] then the fire department came? >> it's possible, it's hearsay. >> jimmy: was he wearing the big suit while he used the big phone? >> no, that would have been good. >> jimmy: that would have been. maybe next time he calls in a fake 911 call. this is, i think -- obviously this is kind of a modern thing.

people getting tattoos in tribute to their favorite artists. typically that would be a singer or actor or something like that. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but you get people that come to your signings and whatnot, who ask you to make a drawing on them, then they make a tattoo out of the drawing. >> yeah, it's kind of weird. >> jimmy: and you have to think of something that's going to be on their bodies forever? >> we've had incidents. i don't encourage it. because people our age, when i was 21, you had an earring. you didn't have a tattoo. only people in biker gangs had tattoos, right? nowadays it's just the young and the beautiful who have these horrible tattoos. [ laughter ] sometimes made by me. i don't know. i like the idea of it because it's the antithesis of the way you're supposed to think about a tattoo. >> jimmy: this is something you drew? [ laughter ] a pair of socks on a person? >> it's kind of an intimate place.

which kind of freaked me out. . i have a sterile pen like the surgeon, when he's taking out your appendix or something. you draw with the sterile pen. that means they can go straight to the tattoo guy and have it done there and then. >> jimmy: you're not kidding around, you're really prepared for this. do you charge people for these? >> no, absolutely not. >> jimmy: going nowhere. [ laughter ] it's an entirely free service. i always add the caveat, "you don't have to do this." >> jimmy: yeah, sure, i would hope they know that. they all do it anyway, right? >> exactly. >> jimmy: this is, what -- this is your 41st book? >> is it? i don't know, i've so lost count. i've published quite a few myself in the early days. i've kind of -- yeah, i've kind of lost track. >> who decides which paintings, prints, go in the book? >> this was a collaboration. american publisher who i get on with really well. i kind of realized that my attitude towards my own work was quite different from other

people's. the paintings, the drawings i think are brilliant aren't the ones orient people think are brilliant. >> jimmy: do you trust the other people to -- >> i do now. >> jimmy: you do now, that's unusual, i think. >> because of social media, because of instagram, you get response, likes and stuff. i post the one that i think is just brilliant. it's a sublime statement. but does anybody like it? no. >> jimmy: what do you do with the pieces that you like and other people don't? can i have them? [ laughter ] >> we can negotiate. >> jimmy: okay, we'll negotiate that. maybe you can draw it on my ass. [ laughter and applause ] this is the book. it's called "get your you know what together." david shrigley, thanks so much. [ cheers and applause ] thanks so much for being here, appreciate it. be right back with noah kahan! >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by

mercedes e-q. all electric, all mercedes. ...

>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes e-q. all electric, all mercedes.

>> jimmy: thanks to kristen bell and david shrigley. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next but first, his album, "stick season." here with the title track, noah kahan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ as you promised me that i was more than all the miles combined you must've had ♪ ♪ yourself a change of heart like halfway through the drive because your voice ♪ ♪ trailed off exactly as you passed my exit sign kept on drivin' straight and left our future ♪ ♪ to the right now i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can't face ♪ ♪ and memories are somethin' even smoking weed does not replace and i am terrified ♪ ♪ of weather 'cause i see you when it rains a doc told me to travel ♪ ♪ but there's covid on the planes and i love vermont but it's the season ♪ ♪ of the sticks and i saw your mom she forgot that i existed

and it's half my fault ♪ ♪ but i just like to play the victim i'll drink alcohol 'til my friends ♪ ♪ come home for christmas and i'll dream each night of some version of you that i might not have ♪ ♪ but i did not lose now your tire tracks and one pair of shoes and i'm split in half ♪ ♪ but that'll have to do so i thought that if i piled something good on all my bad ♪ ♪ that i could cancel out the darkness i inherited from dad no i am no longer funny ♪ ♪ 'cause i miss the way you laugh you once called me forever ♪ ♪ now you still can't call me back and i love vermont but it's the season ♪ ♪ of the sticks and i saw your mom she forgot that i existed and it's half my fault ♪ ♪ but i just like to play the victim i'll drink alcohol 'til

my friends ♪ ♪ come home for christmas and i'll dream each night of some version of you that i might not have ♪ ♪ bidotosnow you' tiracks and one pair of shoes and i'm split in half ♪ ♪ but that'll have to do ♪ ♪ ♪ oh that will have to do my other half was you ♪ ♪ i hope this pain's just passing through ♪ ♪ hell i doubt it ♪ ♪ and i love vermont but it's the season ♪ ♪ of the sticks and i saw your mom she forgot that i existed and it's half my fault ♪ ♪ but i just like to play the victim i'll drink alcohol 'til my friends ♪ ♪ come home for christmas and i'll dream each night of some version of you that i might not have ♪

♪ but i did not lose now your tire tracks and one pair of shoes and i'm split in half ♪ ♪ but that'll have to do ♪ ♪ have to do ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

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