jimmy kimmel right now. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- david harbour, lisa ann walter, and music from thee sacred souls. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hello. welcome. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming on the last day of november. november is done. december is minutes away and

they got the holiday started in our nation's capital tonight. the president and first lady took part in the 100th lighting of the national christmas tree. tonight, thousands of americans gathered outside the white house to watch an old man flip a lightswitch. [ laughter ] this year, the tree is 27 feet tall. they did not chop it down. it is a live white fir tree that was planted last october, after the previous national christmas tree was removed in may of 2021 because it had a fungal disease. the second time that year that a fungus had to be removed from the white house. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the ceremony was hosted by joe biden, dr. jill biden, and l.l. cool j, which gave us the rare opportunity to see joe biden and l.l. cool j in the same place. a lot of people think they're the same person, they're not. [ laughter ] i hope this proves that once and for all. doesn't l.l. cool j sound like a rapper name joe biden would make up? [ laughter ] "hey, look, it's l.l. cool j., and his buddy deejay snazzy shoes!"

tonight also happens to be the night when parents all across the country break out the old elf on a shelf. do you do that? >> guillermo: i used to. >> jimmy: it's terrible, isn't it? it's kind of fun. but first of all, we constantly forget about it. we forget to move it. the kids wake up, your heart stops -- you basically have to put a rabbit out of your ass. you're like oh, look over there, a monkey. then you're moving it into the freezer or something. it's all so weird. you tell your kids this thing is watching them. they grow up with that paranoia, and then we have a new generation of conspiracy theorists. [ laughter ] this is how qanon got started, at the same time those elves came out. and maybe worst of all, you go on instagram and these parents, these better parents go to great lengths to put these elves in creative positions. they've got them baking cookies. they're having pillow fights. they're in hot air balloons. they're eating cereal out of the toilet. [ moans ] it's so much, i don't have time to do that. here's a trick that'll save you

some time i think this year. tonight, the first night, set your elf out, and when the kids go to bed, put a positive covid test next to the elf. [ laughter ] in the morning, you go, "oh no! winky has omicron! he has to quarantine at the north pole for two weeks!" then you put him in a box for two weeks, put him back out, put little dots on his face. "oh my god, now he's got monkeypox. back in the box." [ laughter ] thank you. [ cheers and applause ] and you're welcome. this is a big topic. this morning, spotify sent out their annual music report card. they call it "spotify wrapped." it tallies up all the songs you listened to this year. it can be a little bit shocking. for instance, these are my top five artists for 2022, this is not a joke, this is real. number one, james taylor. number two, the doobie brothers. number three, zach bryan. number four, steely dan. number five, billy joel. [ cheers and applause ] put that back up for a second. even billy joel is looking at me like, "seriously?" [ laughter ] might as well be the soundtrack to a commercial for colitis

medication. [ laughter ] poor zach bryan's like, "how the hell did i get on this list? i'm 26 years old!" basically, it's a mix tape i made on a boom box in 1982. i wonder how many people decided not to post their list because their top artist was kanye? [ laughter ] right? for sure kanye's top artist was kanye. [ laughter ] as a result of that little dinner party with trump last week, they say they're beefing up security at mar-a-lago. they said they will now do "increased vetting" on guests. and by "increased vetting," they mean "start vetting." [ laughter ] according to reports, the new security protocols require a senior campaign official to be with donald trump at all times. they've hired a super nanny to take care of donald trump. [ laughter ] last night, trump issued his 400th statement attempting to cover his orange ass, ever so slightly trying to distance himself from this white supremacist nick fuentes. trump said that if fuentes had expressed his views at their dinner, "it wouldn't have been

accepted," and that if he'd known about them, the dinner wouldn't have happened in the first place. which, okay, that makes sense. what about kanye? he expressed his anti-semitic views well ahead of the dinner. repeatedly. did you not see that? [ applause ] and by the way, you know what they call people who said they did not see, right? well, you can figure it out, right? [ laughter ] he continues to handle this like you figured that out, right, guillermo? >> guillermo: uh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what it looks like when a person lies. [ applause ] his argument, trump, is basically, "how was i supposed to know i had a klansman at the table? he wasn't wearing a hood!" [ laughter ] the walls are closing in on trump. after seven years and a three-year legal battle, house democrats today confirmed that they finally have in their possession six years of his federal tax returns. i imagine the snow angels they're making in those papers right now. [ laughter and applause ] they're going through the documents. hopefully they'll share some of

what's in them soon. how long could it take to read six years of "i didn't pay any tax" returns? [ laughter ] but this is a major development. it could help the committee establish whether trump did any of the many things we all know he did. [ laughter ] down in georgia, trump has reportedly decided to play a limited role ahead of the senate runoff there next week. he will not hold a rally for herschel walker. many top republicans have been urging him to stay out of it because they fear his presence could hurt walker, which has left herschel with some explaining to do about why his bigliest backer is hiding out. on fox last night, they asked him if obama is campaigning for warnock, why isn't trump there campaigning for you? >> you know, president trump has always been in my corner. he still is in my corner. he's been doing other things for me. and everyone has been doing a lot of things for me. >> jimmy: people have been tying my shoes. [ laughter ] people have been reading to -- maybe trump's afraid if he gets close to herschel, he'll get pregnant or something, i don't know.

[ laughter ] meanwhile, mike pence has been making the rounds promoting his book. also trying out material for his new netflix comedy special. >> one of the great parts about no longer being vice president is i get to drive my own car. one of the worst parts is i get to pay for my own gas. you know, one of the advantages of being vice president is i get to drive my own car again. >> one of the bad parts is, i get to pay for my own gs. >> one of the good parts about no longer being vice president is you get to drive your own car. >> bad part is, you get to pay for your own gas. >> good part about no longer being vice president is -- >> you get to drive your own car. >> bad part is you get to pay for your own gas. >> one of the advantages of no longer being vice president is i get to drive my own car. >> one of the bad parts is you get to pay for your own gas. >> the truth is it's no laughing matter. >> jimmy: no, it's not. [ cheers and applause ] get that man on "hollywood squares." mike is very popular with the young people. he did a q&a with a group of students at catholic university. where he fired up the fun machine once again.

>> thank you once again, vice president pence, for coming. my name is bennett burke, a freshman at catholic university. my question today is what can we as conservatives learn from the underwhelming election results in the midterms and where do we go forward from this point? >> well, thanks for the question. is it ben? >> bennett. >> i'm having a little trouble hearing. i think the -- you could turn one of those speakers in my direction. the organizers could. it would help. a little too much rock 'n' roll on headphones. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: too much rock 'n' roll. what kind of rock 'n' roll could mike pence possibly be listening to? [ laughter ] oh. all right. well, i guess -- [ cheers and applause ] maybe he's not so bad. the senate passed a bill that protects same-sex and interracial marriage from another -- [ cheers and applause ] -- bad decision by the supreme court. they call it "the respect for marriage act." it passed with 61 votes. every democrat and a dozen republicans voted yes.

36 republicans voted against, including mitch mcconnell, who is in an interracial marriage. [ laughter ] and that's why he's against it. [ laughter ] most americans have already started their holiday shopping. here in california, all the states on the west coast, marijuana is legal for recreational use. a lot of people buy that as a little gift. it's green, it's festive. in las vegas you can go through a drive-thru to buy it. we thought it would be fun to check in with our friends at the nuwu cannabis marketplace, one of the largest dispensaries in the world, to meet some of their employees and customers and see how the christmas shopping is going. hello, veronica. this is veronica. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: runs the drive-thru window. how's business tonight? >> it's been good, actually. >> jimmy: are people buying holiday gifts? >> oh, yeah, this is the best gift to give anyone for the holidays. >> yeah, well, it definitely makes the night with the family easier. [ laughter ] >> right. oh my god, yes. >> jimmy: what is the strangest thing you've witnessed working the drive-thru there, veronica?

>> oh, the strangest thing honestly is when people actually -- not so much the drive-thru, but people drive through the front of our building. >> jimmy: yeah? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what do you mean? they crash into the front of your building? >> yeah. because there's parking right out in front. >> jimmy: wait, hold on. how many times has this happened? >> at least three since i've worked here. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. but it's clear glass. >> jimmy: yeah, glass is clear, yeah. [ laughter ] >> then you go straight forward, and yes. >> jimmy: well, i guess that comes with the territory, doesn't it? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right. can you move them up in the drive-thru? >> yeah, i think they can come on through. >> jimmy: okay, here we go, all right. there we go. we have -- oh, hello there. >> hello, how are you? >> i'm doing good. >> jimmy: what's your name? can you hear me? >> a little bit. my name's a.j. >> jimmy: hey a.j., how are you tonight? >> i'm doing good. >> jimmy: what are you up to? >> nothing much. just trying to get my usual fix. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, you're a regular?

>> yeah, yeah. most definitely. >> jimmy: may i ask, what do you do for work? >> i'm -- i manage a motel on fremont. >> jimmy: oh, on fremont street, oh, boy. a motel on fremont street. [ laughter ] what kind of madness do you see in those motel rooms? >> a lot. a lot. a lot. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so what, you're going to get some -- something to smoke, then what do you do, go back to work and eat all the pillow mints? >> i try to hide out before i get too wicked. >> jimmy: got you. okay. [ laughter ] a.j., would you like to play a little game? a little quiz? you can win a prize, a valuable prize. >> most definitely. >> jimmy: great, all right. let's play "let's make a dope deal." [ cheers and applause ] all right, a.j. give me five nicknames for marijuana in 10 seconds. go ahead. >> bud, gas, smoke, herb --

uh. weed? >> jimmy: yes, there you go. [ cheers and applause ] you got it in just under the wire. what do we have for a.j. there, veronica? >> we got bubble wrap for him. >> jimmy: bubble wrap, a.j.! [ laughter ] there you go. i don't think a.j. got a chance to buy anything, but next time, a.j. [ laughter ] all right, there you go. thanks, a.j. it's fun seeing people do this, right? remember the old days, they used to give you food in the drive-thru? >> guillermo: yes, this is very fun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, who's at the drive-thru? oh, here we go, that's a big car. hi there, what's your name? >> hi, i'm mahogany. >> jimmy: mahogany, how are you? >> i'm good, how you doing? >> jimmy: who's in the car with you? we can just barely see him. there you go. >> my boyfriend. >> jimmy: oh, your boyfriend, all right. >> yes. >> jimmy: does your husband know? [ rim shot ]

what are you guys buying tonight? >> we're going to be getting an eighth of dark phoenix virtue. >> jimmy: an eighth of dark phoenix? okay. oh, do you have to give your license? all right, yeah, you're turning over your i.d.s. all right. you guys want to play a quick game show? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right. here's your trivia question. where do clouds come from? [ laughter ] >> heh. the air? yeah, moisture. >> don't they form themselves? like, they form and create with, like, the air and the moisture inside of that -- >> jimmy: that's plenty close enough, mahogany. [ cheers and applause ] what do we have for mahogany there? >> we've got two kaleidoscopes, one for each of them. >> jimmy: oh, hey, those will be fun, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> and also your order with your i.d.s right there. >> jimmy: then yeah, you get your i.d.s back, what a deal this is.

have fun, guys. [ cheers and applause ] all right, let's see who else we have out there. at the drive-thru in las vegas -- oh, i like a car with a slogan on it. oh -- excuse me, son, do your parents know you took their car? [ laughter ] >> yes, they do. >> jimmy: what is your name? >> my name's ronnie. >> jimmy: ronnie. ronnie, how old are you, ronnie? >> i'm 24. this is my vehicle. i let my parents take the car. >> jimmy: you're very youthful looking, ronnie, except for of course the million tattoos. >> oh, thank -- i got them to make me look older. >> jimmy: you did? is that true? wow. what does that say? tessi baby? >> yep. that's the name of the vehicle. >> jimmy: who's tessi? the vehicle is named tessi baby? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: when you saw her, you said, "you are tessi baby"? >> the chick magnet. >> jimmy: is it a chick magnet? >> yes, indeed.

>> jimmy: it is. does that mean you're hitting pedestrians or what? [ laughter ] >> no, no. no. i'm over my ps5 days. >> jimmy: ronnie, you're not the guy who crashed through the window at the front of the store, are you? >> i'll just stay quiet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, ronnie. you want to play a game? >> sure, why not? >> jimmy: all right, it's time to play "let's make a dope deal." here we go, ronnie. [ cheers and applause ] ronnie, name three of the four teenage mutant ninja turtles. >> three of the four teenage mutant ninja turtles. ralph. >> jimmy: close enough. >> uh. i don't know their names. >> jimmy: okay, think about italian renaissance painters. that will probably make it easier for you. [ laughter ] >> italian renaissance. i wasn't too good at school. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: all right. well, i find that very difficult to believe. but we have a prize for you anyway, ronnie. what do we have, veronica, for whatonnie? have, veronica, for >> got a willie nelson christmas ornament. >> jimmy: oh, all right. [ cheers and applause ] looks like an air freshener. >> yes, along with your order. >> awesome. >> jimmy: thanks, ronnie. happy holidays. happy chanukah. >> thank you. merry christmas. >> jimmy: yeah, kind of figured. there goes ronnie and tessi baby. thank you, veronica, we appreciate it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: wish everyone there at the store a happy holiday from us. [ cheers and applause ] >> you as well, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right. a lot of customers. all right. we have a fun show for you tonight. from "abbott elementary," lisa ann walter is with us. music from thee sacred souls and we'll be right back with david harbour, so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by the u.s. department of health and human services.

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♪ >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. tonight, from "abbott elementary," the very funny lisa ann walter is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, with music from their self-titled album, a very talented southern california soul band, thee sacred souls, from the mercedes eq stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, don cheadle and zoey deutch, with music from chris isaak. please join us for that. our first guest is an emmy and tony-nominated destroyer of demogorgons and the not so jolly father christmas in the new movie "violent night." it opens in theaters friday. please say hello to david harbour. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very good to see you.

>> nice to see you too. >> jimmy: last time you were here, i think you'd just gotten married. how's that going? are you enjoying being a -- >> it's a good question. it's fantastic -- i mean, it's everything, right? you're married, right? >> jimmy: i am, yeah. >> it's everything. it's the best, it's the craziest, it's wildly unprepared, and yet you're in it and doing it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's great. >> jimmy: are you having trouble? is there something you want to get off your chest? [ laughter ] >> well, yeah -- i don't think they pay you enough for that. >> jimmy: i think you said something about your now stepdaughter saying you were like -- what did you say? she's trying to figure out who you were? >> yeah, she was -- i was just guy in their lives for a while. >> jimmy: some guy in their lives. >> before we got married. "you're just some guy in our lives." they were not very excited about me coming around. >> jimmy: and now? has it changed? >> yeah, things have changed. the biggest change is the support. i remember, like, when we were in the pandemic, when her mom and i got together, the "black widow" movie came out, disney.

[ cheers and applause ] yes, thank you very much! >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's not the response i received. we got a screener for it to watch the movie and i remember her turning to he me and going, "david, i think that's the worst movie i've ever seen." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> just so unenthusiastic about my work in general, but especially that movie. then this movie comes along and she sees posters for it and she'll come up to me, "david, i think it's going to be really good." >> jimmy: oh. >> yeah, she's very supportive now. >> jimmy: is she old enough to go see this one? >> she's not technically old enough to go. >> jimmy: yeah, right, yeah. >> she's seen it. >> jimmy: she has seen it. you were in a movie directed by madonna which is i think the only -- maybe she did one other, i'm not sure. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how did that happen? >> her directing resume is not -- >> jimmy: it's not vast. >> it's not vast, no. but there are the few gems out there. one of which is mine. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, it was like -- it was a

crazy thing. i mean, it was a real cloak and dagger type of experience. it started out -- i got a call from a casting director that i new very well saying, "they're putting together a top-secret movie read-through, but you just have to show up at the st. regis and like go in this room and all will be revealed." and i was like this is really, you know, weird and creepy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i said, why do they want me? i remember her saying that, i can't tell you. i was like come on, give me something -- the director liked you in this movie, "revolutionary road." and she thought -- no, they thought you were sexy. [ cheers ] okay? so all weekend, i literally was thinking about ridley scott. martin scorsese. >> jimmy: marty's like, look how sexy he is! >> get him in here, i want him to read! i show up at -- you know, i show up at the st. regis.

i get in the room. there's a bunch of other new york actors there. and in walks madonna, who's directing this movie. >> jimmy: that had to be a surprise. >> i mean -- [ laughter ] yes. but so -- i mean, the first thing that flooded over me before -- i was like, wow, madonna thinks i'm sexy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> i was really excited about that. yeah, it was -- it was a truly harrowing, exciting experience. she wanted everyone to call her "m" at the time. but i'm just like a punk kid, and i remember being so excited and so cocky. >> jimmy: sure. >> i'd go in like -- she was like, "david, do you want to do it with a british accent?" i was like, "i don't know, madonna." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did madonna play a role in your childhood, as far as -- because i was -- i was fully in love with madonna when i was a teenager. >> yeah, it all came back, too. because -- i don't know, do you remember this video, "open your heart"? >> jimmy: absolutely.

>> okay. so it's a video that could not be made -- it could not be made today. >> jimmy: no. >> she's like a peep show dancer. there's all these creepy old dudes and the window's going up. and she's dancing around. >> jimmy: twins. >> but there's like an 11-year-old boy who sort of works at the peep show. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, he's trying to get in. >> he's trying to get in, i thought maybe he's working there, but he's trying to get in. and she has a connection with him. then eventually all these guys are disgusting, but as the peep show ends she goes off with this guy. >> jimmy: with this little boy. >> yeah. like holds his hand. they run off into the distance together. and i think i was 11 years old when i saw that video. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> so there i am in this boardroom of the st. regis. it all comes flooding back. [ laughter ] and i'm there with a bowler cap just like -- i'm going to run off with you into the distance! >> jimmy: wait a minute. i think that -- wasn't the boy supposed to be like her son?

>> i did not interpret that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, wow. yeah, i thought it was -- the boy was waiting for mom to get off work. then she kisses him and they run off. >> to me the boy was her true love. [ laughter ] kind of the one that was too young at this point. >> jimmy: i see, i see. >> but eventually would become -- >> jimmy: then as she was your director, was that a positive experience? >> she is a genius. >> jimmy: sure. >> in many realms. the film was not a terrific movie. >> jimmy: when you were making it, did you know, oh, this is not going well? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you did, yeah. >> yeah. we had some inkling that this was -- but there were moments like -- you know, there were dance sequences in the film. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> of course. that were done by her choreographer. she'd come in before we started shooting and go, "no, this is terrible," and she'd redo the whole thing. she was like magic when she got in her dance world. >> jimmy: yeah? >> she was incredible. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> she's a genius.

>> jimmy: but she thought you were sexy, and that's a win right there. >> and i did get invited -- when we were shooting the thing, it was her 50-something birthday. and we were in london. and she had a birthday party that she invited me and some of the cast to. >> jimmy: nice. >> it was one of the coolest things i've ever done in my life. [ cheers and applause ] she came in, she came in, she was in like this gorgeous emerald dress. then the party started. and she put on sweatpants. and they just cranked madonna music. >> jimmy: her own music. >> and we danced. i danced with madonna. [ cheers ] to madonna music! >> jimmy: wow, that's great. [ cheers and applause ] >> on my headstone, that is it. "here lies david harbour." >> jimmy: "into the groove." >> exactly. >> jimmy: david harbour, the movie is called "violent night." we'll be right back. of the summer♪ ♪this ise

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some loser ex-cop stuck in the mall playing dress-up with fat kids pissing on your lap? stop me when i get it right. >> a little more complicated than that. >> not to me it's not. because i want to make it my personal mission, my holiday to-do list, to find you and to end you. >> that is a terrible thing to want for christmas. maybe you and i should discuss that in person. santa claus is coming to town. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go, that's david harbour in "violent night." with john leguizamo. i mean, this could be a classic, right? >> people are saying that, watch it every christmas. >> jimmy: how psyched were you when you got that script? and you were like "santa claus is coming to town"? [ laughter ] >> there were so many of them that have gone by the wayside, thank god. the script when we got it was very overwritten and inflated with lots of things like "we went through those guys like a plate full of cookies." [ laughter ]

all over the script. we've whittled it down to make it a real artsy piece of work. some of it had to go. >> jimmy: i look forward to the director's cut because i love those moments. >> some of them are still in there. >> jimmy: and this is going to be -- the next season of fifth season and will be the he- final season of the show. [ cheers and applause ] have you started shooting the final season yet? >> no, no. >> jimmy: do you know what happens in the final season? >> yeah, i know everything. >> jimmy: you know it all. you know how it ends and everything? >> it's so funny. i say this. i've said this in interviews before. >> jimmy: you don't really know? >> immediately after i get a text from matt and ross duffer, "oh, so you know everything, huh?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have they not written everything yet? >> i mean, they told me -- like, we sort of arced out a thing, like years ago, about once the show got a second season -- the first season was just a season. second season, we figured out what the arc would be of this guy, where it would go, all this stuff. that's what i'm working with. so theoretically, i know what the end of the show is. but they like to mess with me and say maybe i don't.

>> jimmy: i see. they reserve the right to change the end? >> correct, correct. >> jimmy: one thing i do know is when you cut off that monster, the demogorgon's head -- [ cheers ] that was another, for a child in the '80s, another major moment. first you're dancing with madonna. tell us about that sword. >> i've had an '80s career, it's incredible. yeah, i mean, it was one of these things where we -- it had been mapped out that there would be this gladiator pit where hopper would eventually face off with this demogorgon. and early on before they'd written 9 i remember saying to them, we should get that sword from conan the barbarian as one of the weapons. there's so many '80s easter eggs in the show. i was like that sword, that atlantean sword, is such an epic '80s weapon. there it is! [ cheers and applause ] the man himself! oh, god.

look at the amount of spray tan, god, it's gorgeous. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> the contours and the shading and the sword looks great too. [ laughter ] but yeah, so i was like, we should get that sword. we got it. and we -- and the prop guys found the actual -- apparently there are three actual swords they used in the actual "conan the barbarian" film. we used one of those swords. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: does arnold have one of the other ones? >> so apparently arnold has one in his office. >> jimmy: okay. >> i have one. >> jimmy: you still have that? >> i have it, yes. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you have it. >> there can be only one. >> jimmy: wow, maybe you guys need to battle. then whoever -- there can only be one bearer of the sword. >> i reached out to him when this thing aired and somebody found that thing and people were freaking out. i asked him -- because there's basically a shot of me in that exact pose. i have a red, white, and blue puffer jacket.

and a shaved head. but i'm in basically the same pose, staring down at the camera. i wanted to know what he thought of my technique. but he never got back to me. >> jimmy: well, hopefully he'll see this and he'll contact you. i think it's worth noting just for the hell of it, this man was the governor of the state of california. [ cheers and applause ] >> god bless california! god bless america! >> jimmy: "violent night" opens in theaters friday. david harbour, everybody. we'll be back with lisa ann walter. [ cheers and applause ] ok, this audition better be worth the cost of the ink taped up behind us. we have the canon g series with megatank. that means megasavings. this laptop camera doesn't cut it. i'm so nervous your teeth are chattering. just set up your eos webcam utility software with your eos camera. alright fine, this better work. okay, yeah you're smarter than i look. for once i have your back. [laughs] stop it. less drama, more harmony, with canon.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. music from thee sacred souls is on the way. you know our next guest as the tough, philly-born melissa schemmenti, on the very popular show "abbott elementary." watch it wednesday nights here on abc. please welcome lisa ann walter. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> thank you! >> jimmy: you look fantastic, thank you for coming, it's great to have you here. >> we have 3 1/2 hours to do this. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: i'm sure you hear that from people of italian descent like i am, but your character, you're very realistic on the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: one of the most realistic italian american women i think i've ever seen on television. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i very much appreciate that. because i am. i'm a straight-up goomba, i'm sicilian. my mother was sicilian. my great grandmother came over here, through ellis island, to little italy in new york city. they lived on thompson street they lived ohere she had 12 chir kitchen table. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: she gave birth to the children on the table? >> on the kitchen table. >> jimmy: wow. >> and never went -- she was this big. she never went to the hospital a day in her life, until the end of her life. we had all the cousins, aunts

and uncles would come in from brooklyn, long island -- italians like to move towards the water. they'd come into the city and have dinner on sunday. she was up at 4:00 in the morning arranging furniture. because you know when you get older you don't sleep. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and she fell. old people, you think they break their hip? she broke her nose. because it sticks out on italians. [ laughter ] it's a boobach, you know. >> jimmy: right, i have it. >> right. you look so much like my cousins, i'm not even kidding. >> jimmy: really? >> you remind me of my cousins scott and dominic. >> jimmy: give my best to scott and dominic. if they ever make a movie about my aunt chippy's life, i'm going to call you. you would just nail aunt chippy. [ cheers and applause ] >> i love aunt chippy. >> jimmy: sorry, i derailed you. >> i mean, she was straight-up sicilian, never spoke english. she went to the hospital at the end of her life when she broke her nose. she was there a short time and she died. and my crazy conspiracy theorist sicilian family was like "they killed her in the hospital." >> jimmy: my family thought they killed my grandmother in the hospital too. your grandmother died of a

broken nose? >> oh, no. they gave her some kind of germ she never had before. >> jimmy: wow. >> they're nuts, they're crazy. >> jimmy: kitchen table, like were people eating while the babies were coming? >> i'm hoping not. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm hoping not. >> jimmy: probably had gravy on the stove. >> 100% she did. this woman cooked, you have to understand, italian families, unless you lived in the city, in a tenement building, which it was until they moved to staten island where the kitchen is in the basement. and they cook all day long. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they sit down -- the men never get up. the women serve the entire -- am i right? am i wrong? >> jimmy: you're totally right. >> to this day, they serve everybody. finally they sit down and they go to eat dinner. then, now in american families, everybody gets up and leaves. they watch the game or they leave. in my house, we stayed and we ate until it was time to eat again. [ laughter ] we stayed at the table, and then we had nuts, we had cheese, we had fruit, the cannoli, the cakes came out, then another round of ziti. it was nuts. >> jimmy: and then the coffee

cake. >> the coffee -- the entemann's. when i first lost weight, because i was a fat kid -- i know, hard to believe. i went up to visit in new york. i went to her house. i had the first course, escarole soup. and i was full. i said no, grandma, i'm full, i can't have the roast beef and the spaghetti and the four other courses. she starts crying. "grandma, why are you crying?" in sicilian she said, "she's dying of the consumption." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, the consumption was something people used to die of. >> in 1926 they died of the consumption. i'm like no, i'm just normal. >> jimmy: did you have it with that yellow hard bread, the escarole? pizza gan? >> oh my god, pizza gan. you've got to come to my house for easter. >> jimmy: you make the food and everything at your house? >> i make everything at my house. everything. [ cheers and applause ] i make pizza gan, it's easter pie. they make grain pie and a thing with dough and like pepperoni slices and hard boiled egg. >> jimmy: my mom makes that,

yeah. >> shaped like an easter basket. right? >> jimmy: right. then the hard boiled eggs are like -- they're not -- they're baked and they get weird. like eating rubber. >> nobody likes it but you have to make it. >> jimmy: it looks good. >> because it's easter and we have to suffer. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i want to ask about your character on the show. we get to see the teachers at home this season. >> yes. >> jimmy: and you've got the plastic all over the furniture. >> yes. >> jimmy: which is another classic back east italian thing. >> i insisted on that. >> jimmy: you did? okay. >> they said, what do you want in your apartment? i said, plastic on the furniture. has to be. because in the city, you always put plastic on the furniture. my grandparents' place in brooklyn, they're from bay ridge, which i understand your family -- >> jimmy: that's right, they are from that area. >> they probably went to the same church. >> jimmy: we had the room that no one ever went in. >> right. >> jimmy: that was covered with plastic. >> not just the furniture. i said, get one lamp that's got plastic on the lamp. the good lamp, so the soot doesn't ruin it. >> jimmy: lampshade with the plastic on it. >> "the soot will ruin it."

like from chimneys. >> jimmy: they were coal miners, a lot of the -- my family. >> back in the -- >> jimmy: yeah, out digging the coal. maybe they were worried they were going to sit on the couch with the coal. maybe that's what it was. >> they wouldn't let -- there was a room in my aunt and uncle's house that was roped off. like when you go to the metropolitan museum? >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> and you can't go in? it was like that. it had royal blue carpeting, french provincial furniture. the whole time i knew these people, nobody went in that room. i said to my aunt, has anybody gone in the room? she said, i think i took my prom picture in there. >> jimmy: really? that is crazy. that is fantastic. >> it makes my feel really good. the people in philly say, you remind me -- when i do the character, you know, she talks like this. she's philly. it's a whole different thing. and they're very appreciative. >> jimmy: the show really gets the details right. >> very much. >> jimmy: even like the philadelphia stuff, the -- >> yes. >> jimmy: the way the school looks, everything is really right on.

>> yeah, and they let me -- qinta brunson is the best boss in the world. i know that you're a big supporter of hers. >> jimmy: she's great. >> she's fantastic. she'll let me give names -- "my cousin this." can i give him a name? my cousin carmine or big pauley and little pauley? >> jimmy: you name your own cousins? >> yes. >> jimmy: there are only like 11 italian men's names. >> 100%. >> jimmy: there's tony, carmine, sal -- >> yeah, four pauleys in the same family and somebody's got to be "big," "little," then you've got "red." this one's just called "red." red hair. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's great to have you here. the show is fantastic. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i love talking to you. lisa ann walter, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] season two of "abbott elementary" airs wednesdays at 9:00 here on abc. we'll be right back with thee sacred souls. [ cheers and applause ] >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by the "s" class from mercedes-benz.

>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by mercedes e-q. all electric, all mercedes. >> jimmy: thanks to david harbour and lisa ann walter. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first, this is their self-titled album. here with the song "easier said

than done," thee sacred souls! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ she said be honest with how you feel oohh ♪ ♪ i said that's easier said than done i said don't worry about the future oohh ♪ ♪ she said that's easier said than done ♪ ♪ well it is ooh ooh ooh oohh cuz true love it ain't easy no ♪ ♪ she said just show me this love is real oohh i said that's easier said than done ♪

♪ i said just trust the way you feel oohh she said that's easier said than done ♪ ♪ yes it is ooh ooh ooh oohh cuz true love it ain't easy no ♪ ♪ true love true love it's worth it in the end oohh yes it is ♪ ♪ true love true love it's worth it in the end oohh yes it is ♪ ♪ true love true love it's worth it in the end worth it darlin ♪ ♪ true love true love it's worth it in the end ♪ ♪ oohhhhhhhh easier said than done ♪

♪ oohhhhhhhh easier said than done ♪ ♪ yes it is ooh ooh ooh oohh cuz true love it ain't easy no ♪ ♪ ♪ it ain't easy true love it ♪ true love saying it ain't easy but it's worth it in the end ♪ ♪ ooh baby saying it ain't easy but it's worth it in the end ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

tonight, the first ever police academy at an hbcu. >> someone has to make sure your mom's safe, your sister's safe, your brother's safe. why should it not be you? >> hoping to change the face of policing in america. >> license and insurance please, sir. >> i never saw a black female police officer growing up. >> in one of the most dangerous jobs. >> this job in particular you putter life on the line every single day. >> inside the groundbreaking and grueling program. will they all make it to graduation? >> so what you all have to do is be the change you want to see. you have to be. >> this special edition of "nightline," "the recruits," will be right back. later chest congestion. hello 12 hours of relief. 12 hours!! not coughing?

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