>> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, george lopez, >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, george lopez, haley lu richardson, and music from madi diaz. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. hi there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. thank you for watching at home. i hope you had a productive

weekend. we put the tree up yesterday. we untangled the lights. and then i stood there and watched my wife decorate it. [ laughter ] you put the tree up yet, guillermo? >> guillermo: yes, yesterday, jimmy. >> jimmy: real tree, fake tree, or cilantro? [ laughter ] >> guillermo: a fake one. >> jimmy: you got a fake one? >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: i had a feeling you had a fake one. i don't know why. i was thinking about it this afternoon. i was thinking i bet he's got a fake one. [ laughter ] what's so funny? [ laughter ] >> guillermo: a fake one. >> jimmy: okay, all right. maybe it wasn't cilantro, i don't know. [ laughter and applause ] we have a lot to get to, so much to get to, starting as is so often the case, donald trump. you have to hand it to him. just when you think you've heard it all, we think we've heard everything possible, we find out he failed to disclose a $19.8 million loan from a foreign company connected to, you want to guess what country? north korea.

[ audience moans ] north korea. which might help explain why trump spent most of his presidency giving kim jong a reach ar-un-d. [ laughter and applause ] he never disclosed the loan while he was running for president, which you're supposed to. but apparently the obligation to disclose this is based on the honor system, and he doesn't have any. [ laughter ] and of course, it's especially interesting, because trump attacked joe biden, claiming he joe biden had some kind of conflicts related to business dealings with china. which is there anything trump has ever accused someone else of that hasn't turned out to be something he did himself? [ laughter ] i would not be surprised if we find out he was born in kenya one of these days. [ laughter ] that wasn't even the big story as far as trump goes this weekend. the big story was he wants to terminate the constitution. [ light laughter ] he wrote, "so, with the revelation" -- that he made up -- "of massive fraud and deception, working closely with the big tech companies, the dnc,

democrats, do you throw the presidential election results of 2020 out and declare the rightful winner, or do you have a new election? a massive fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the constitution. our great 'founders' did not want, and would not condone, false and fraudulent elections!" right. you know what else the founders wouldn't condone? you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you know, not everyone is a stable enough a genius to write down their intentions to overthrow democracy in a social media post. he thinks the constitution is something that can be terminated, like it's meat loaf on an episode of "celebrity apprentice." [ laughter ] it doesn't go like that. white house spokesman andrew bates responded, saying trump's remarks are "anathema to the soul of our nation," which would've been a sick burn if trump had any idea of what "anathema" means. [ laughter ] "is that the thing where you shoot water up your butt?"p[ la] trump by the way, when he put his tiny little hand on the bible, he took an oath to defend the constitution.

here's a photo of the copy trump used in 2016. he said, "i do solemnly swear that i will faithfully execute the vice president." oh, wait. wow! [ laughter ] maybe he had a different idea. i don't know. trump wants to throw out the constitution and replace it with this. >> we, the people of the united states, in order to form a more perfect call, totally perfect call, establish justice for me, i am so unfairly treated. insure domestic tranquility. who the hell taught melania to speak english anyway? provide for the common defense, i put billions into the military. they were so weak. promote the general welfare. let's cut that one. i don't like welfare or generals. and to build the wall, lock her up bigly, and establish this fantastic donstitution of the united states of make america great again, again, again. your favorite president, donald j. trump.

>> jimmy: i feel like at this point he might be competing against kanye in a who's crazier contest, you know? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] what's this? i'm getting word that kanye is rewriting the constitution too? >> we, the people of the united states, and i mean all the people of the united states, ya know what i'm sayin'? except the jewish people tryin' to mute me, in order to form a more perfect union, and not that type of union that ends with you paying kim 200k a month in child support after you just lost 2 billion in adidas money, ya know what i'm sayin'? i mean, the nazis invented candy corn! you can't argue with that. ps, [ bleep ] pete davidson. ye. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unnecessary. that is -- you know, yedolph has had his twitter account suspended after he posted a swastika inside a jewish star of david. but he's still on instagram where he posted, "am i the only one who thinks elon could be half chinese? have you ever seen his pics as a child?

take a chinese genius and mate them with a south african supermodel and we have an elon. i say an elon because they probably made 10 to 30 elons and he's the first genetic hybrid that stuck." all right. well, at least it's a step in a different direction. [ laughter ] tomorrow is runoff day in georgia. raphael warnock versus herschel walker. there's a lot at stake. whoever wins the georgia runoff goes on to face ohio state in the peach bowl. [ laughter ] over the past couple of weeks, a parade of republican senators have humiliated themselves making in-person appearances to support herschel walker. but none of all those who appeared proved goofier than louisiana senator john kennedy who closed the show with this powerful message. >> these woke, high iq, stupid people, they're easy to recognize. they hate george washington. they hate thomas jefferson. they hate dr. zeus and they hate

mr. potatohead. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but wait, there's more. >> these woke, high iq, stupid people, thy walk around. they walk around with zip-loc bags of kale that they can eat to give them energy. >> jimmy: that's exactly what's going on. [ laughter ] i have some bad news for senator kennedy. that green stuff we're carrying around in zip-loc bags? that is not kale. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's something else entirely. cilantro, right? meanwhile, herschel walker himself has also zeroed in on the issues that matter most. >> they put me in women's sports. he voted to put me in women's sports. that's like herschel walker to compete against your daughter. i guarantee, you do not want that. you do not want that. here is what you need do. instead of having an rs agent, why don't you get one of those agents to protect our kids in those schoolhouses. that's what you need to do.

get them 87,000 rsas -- >> jimmy: what a fabulous idea. [ laughter ] am the irs and send them to kindergarten. [ laughter ] more than 2 million georgians have already voted by mail in the runoff, largely from democrat-leaning counties. the majority of republicans have wisely decided to wait in line, not just to vote for herschel walker. while they're at it, lots of them plan to see his new movie too. ♪ >> at one time, science said man came from apes. if that is true, why are there still apes? think about it. pronoun? what the heck is a pronoun? my pronoun is sick and tired of y'all talking about pronouns. i'm going to tell you something i found out. a werewolf could kill a vampire. do you know that?

[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's worth the wait for sure. 13 years, and there it is. i have to believe herschel's at home going, "when did i do that?" [ laughter ] i have some exciting college football news to share. on december 17th, at sofi stadium here in los angeles, the washington state cougars will face the fresno state bulldogs in the second annual jimmy kimmel l.a. bowl. [ cheers and applause ] this is a real bowl game. it is named after me, and there is a lot of excitement, especially up in washington. >> as for the cougs, well, nick, i looked it up earlier, and they got the jimmy kimmel l.a. bowl's second annual contest against fresno state. >> it's ridiculous! >> so when we talked about it earlier -- >> the much-revered jimmy kimmel bowl. >> for viewers who weren't awake with us, well, nick, what gme did you guys get? he said, i'm not sure, i looked it up and i thought it was actually a joke. >> it is, it's a joke. >> what are you laughing at? jimmy kimmel?

we better watch out. >> i didn't mean for the cougs. i didn't know that was a bowl. >> i know. >> jimmy kimmel is going to clip this and make fun of us. sorry, jimmy, i didn't know you had a game. >> jimmy, i know -- please do clip it. i think it's awesome you get to buy a game. sweet christmas, the cougs in the jimmy kimmel l.a. bowl. >> you'll get a lot of coverage on kimmel's show. >> there you go, right? >> oh! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now listen here, pink tie weather guy. [ laughter ] twisting around like constipation come to life. [ laughter ] first of all, i didn't buy anything. they named the bowl for me for free. i paid nothing for this. [ cheers and applause ] it was an honor. only one living human being has ever had a bowl game named after him, and that human being is me. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. and secondly, this idea that this has somehow cheapened the tradition of college football presenting sponsors, we've violated the sanctity of the

duke's mayo bowl and the reliaquest bowl and the orlando cheez-it bowl. please. [ laughter ] and by the way, there have been a number of outlets referring to this game as the "l.a. bowl," and leaving my name out of it. i will be suing those people. [ laughter ] i have a stack of subpoenas going out tomorrow morning at 6:00 a.m. if you would like to join us at the game, tickets for the 2022 jimmy kimmel l.a. bowl presented by stifel on saturday, december 17th, can be had at labowlgame.com. wait a minute. they left my name off the website! [ laughter ] i'll be suing them too! i'm suing my own bowl game. [ cheers and applause ] can you believe that? you know, there are only three weeks left until christmas. less, even. this is santa's busy season. and so, to help the old guy out, guillermo and i got in our jolliest of elf outfits and sat down with kids to find out who has been naughty and who has been nice.

♪ >> jimmy: hello there. > hi. >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much. why don't you have a seat right there. this is great. merrow? how old are you? >> 5. >> jimmy: i see you have a christmas dress on and a christmas bow in your hair. maybe you would want to be an elf up at the north pole. yeah? would you like that? we're actually offering $18 an hour plus benefits right now, if you're interested. [ laughter ] we'll give you some of the paperwork when you leave, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: let me read your note to santa, okay? "dear santa, i want a horse riding suit that will fit me and a red live pony. do you watch over us all the time? also, i want beads to put in my hair, love, merrow." there is a few things we have to address here. a red live pony. how red does this pony have to be? >> no, a real live pony. >> jimmy: oh, a real live pony. where would the pony live? >> our house. >> jimmy: in your house. what would you name the pony?

>> glitter. >> jimmy: glitter. glitter the pony. that's a pretty good name for a pony. have you been good this year? >> kind of good. >> jimmy: kind of good. okay. [ laughter ] what are some of the bad things that you've done? >> i forgot my manners. >> jimmy: you forgot your manners. when did it happen? tell me. >> i forgot to say thank you when my dad was opening play-doh things for me and my friend to play with. >> jimmy: okay. now santa had a couple of things he wanted to ask about. he said you're very sweet to your cat clover. is that true? you sleep with her? >> yeah. she never leaves my room in the daytime. >> jimmy: is that where the pony would be cooped up as well? in your room? ponies make very big poops. do you know that? no. [ laughter ] how would you deal with that, the pony pooping in your room?

>> um, we have poop bags. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: poop bags, oh, great. all right. now, santa also said you sometimes pinch your sister. >> because she hurts me a lot. >> jimmy: what's her name? >> stevie. >> jimmy: stevie. all right. should we tell santa that she's been hurting you? yeah. [ laughter ] anything else she does that we should tell santa about? >> one more thing. she bites me. she bites sometimes. >> jimmy: she pinches and she bites. >> guillermo: she bites. >> jimmy: does she have rabies? [ laughter ] no. okay. do you know what rabies is? no. [ laughter ] so we don't know for sure that she doesn't have rabies. >> but she does have asthma. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she has asthma. okay. you want to play a quick game? it's called ho ho ho wants an awesome present.

♪ merrow, christmas celebrates the birthday of which religious leader? a, jesus. b, moses. c, buddha. or d, oprah. [ laughter ] >> d, oprah. >> jimmy: d, oprah is absolutely correct. very good. [ cheers and applause ] merrow, what are you supposed to do if you and someone else are under the mistletoe? a, kiss. b, twerk. c, cry. d, push-ups? >> d, push-ups. >> jimmy: d, push-ups is absolutely correct. [ cheers and applause ] merrow, what does santa have on his face? a, a cancerous mole. b, a moustache. c, mcrib sauce. or d, a teardrop tattoo he got

in prison? >> a mustache. >> jimmy: a mustache is correct! [ cheers and applause ] very, very good, merrow. congratulations. i'm now going to go into my bag and give you a few presents. number one, microsoft xl 2010. [ laughter ] number two, ooh, steven seagal in "the patriot" on vhs. [ laughter ] and finally, unflavored gelatin. thanks a lot for stopping by. merry christmas, merrow! >> merry christmas, elves. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, merrow. we've got a good show for you tonight. from "the white lotus," haley lu richardson is here. we have music from madi diaz. and we'll be right back with george lopez. and we'll be right back with george lopez. [ cheers and applause ] “solsbury hill” by peter gabriel hello, little one. welcome to the “great unknown.”

not the “ok unknown.” or the “underwhelming unknown.” it's the “great unknown” for a reason. it's a world of endless possibilities and adventures you can't even imagine. toyota. let's go places. could i get the 10 piece chicken mcnuggets? wait no, big mac. hmm. [honk] sir? i'm still here! uhhh. get one favorite like a big mac or 10 piece chicken mcnuggets and get another for just a buck, right now at mcdonald's. research shows people remember commercials and get another for just a buck, with nostalgia. so to help you remember that liberty mutual customizes your home insurance, here's one that'll really take you back. it's customized home insurance from liberty mutual!!! only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ when cold symptoms keep you up, try vicks nyquil severe. just one dose starts to relieve 9 of your worst cold and flu symptoms,

to help take you from 9 to none. for max-strength nighttime relief, nyquil severe. find your beat for max-strength nighttime relief, your moment of calm find your potential then own it support your immune system with a potent blend of nutrients and emerge your best every day with emergen-c

who says the holidays have to be over? not me! let's keep shopping... roll that promo, maestro. ha-a-a a-ash-tag sorry not sorry. get up to 75% off clearance right now!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. tonight from "white lotus," haley lu richardson is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, a talented singer-songwriter from greenwich, connecticut, this is her album, "history of a feeling." ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. tonight from "white lotus," haley lu richardson is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, a talented singer-songwriter from greenwich, connecticut, this is her album, "history of a feeling." madi diaz from the mercedes eq stage. [ cheers and applause ] this week, we've got new shows with great guests including will ferrell, jean smart, janelle monae, colson baker, aka machine gun kelly. with music from charley crockett, the linda lindas, rita wilson and smokey robinson. [ cheers and applause ] please join us for all that. our first guest is an old pal with a new sitcom with a young woman named mayan lopez, who is both his real-life and tv daughter, "lopez vs. lopez" airs friday nights on nbc. please welcome george lopez.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, george. how are you? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: you were in dallas last night at the cowboys game. [ cheers ] i saw you on tv. >> what's the dallas, what's their slogan? >> jimmy: it's dallas with the cowboys? it's america's team. >> oh. >> jimmy: what? is there another one? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: oh. but you just -- >> but it's quite a stadium, jimmy. i mean, everybody is drinking, kids, everybody is all happy. baby helmets with a little straw with beer. it's crazy. >> jimmy: i've been to that stadium. and the tv, the jumbotron is so big, you don't watch.

you're just watching television in a giant bowl. >> it's amazing. it's when your mom says don't sit too close to the tv, like right there. there's a little game going on. when you get lost -- it's like wearing bifocals. you look up and oh, there they are. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have a clip. you were on -- i don't know if you were aware that this was happening. you're on tv. >> george is here. he is in the house. >> jimmy: eating. >> what am i doing? >> friday nights on tv with his daughter, mayan. >> jimmy: i know what you're doing. ezekiel elliot does that thing. >> who is that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he plays for the cowboys. so you're not a big fan? >> i don't know what that is. i could be throwing gang signs there. [ laughter ] what is that, they want to eat or something? my grandmother used to do that to me, but she would make this noise. smack smack smack smack smack! [ laughter ] eat again! smack smack smack! >> jimmy: you're not a cowboys fan, i guess.

you're from l.a., right? >> listen, you know, i'm a fan of the brilliant game of football. >> jimmy: the game of football in general. i understand. i feel that way too. >> i grew up a rams fan, and then they left. >> jimmy: they abandoned you. >> like my father. [ laughter ] and then the stepfather came, the raiders. [ laughter ] gangsters, all of them black. dudes have criminal record. they play with different color shoes. they're choking dudes out. gouging eyes. and, and, it was dangerous to be a fan. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and you could get gas and a hat at the same place. [ laughter ] and it's the only place i've ever seen cholos smile. [ laughter ] so we're at the coliseum. these cholos are all buttoned up, and they're smiling. they've got a sheet. it says, "east coast loves the raiders." and they're holding it up,

trying to get on monday night football, smiling. and then everybody is laughing. and i can't figure out what they're laughing. and somebody said, "look at the sheet." and the sheet said "property of the los angeles county jail." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's -- that's a terrible towel. >> but they kept the fitted one and took the sheet. >> jimmy: do you go out and buy christmas gifts this time of year? are you a guy who does that yourself? >> i don't do it. but when i do give gifts, they're very good gifts, jimmy. >> jimmy: really? >> people love -- listen. my gifts are so good, they could make someone go against their religious beliefs. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? what does that mean? >> when i had my show, i gave prince, the great prince. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a box, a white box that had a hat in it. but he didn't know what was in it. so i said hey, prince. i got you something. he said, i'm a jehovah witness, george, and i can't accept gifts. i said okay.

and he is looking at it out of the side eye. i said, well, at least look at it. well, i can't accept the gifts. i'm a jehovah's witness. i said, just look at it. he lifts the box up. almost like a spring-loaded purple feather comes out. [ laughter ] and he looks at it. and he goes, yeah? i said, oh, yeah. so he takes it out. and it's this purple beautiful brim. and he clicked it like this. he hit the brim. and i said, i got him. and he put it on like george jefferson and walked in front of me. [ laughter and applause ] and i said, too bad you can't keep it. he goes, oh, no, i'm keeping this one. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. i hope he wasn't penalized for that in the afterlife, you know. did you know prince well? >> you know, he thought i used too much profanity. >> jimmy: really? >> and he wanted to be my bible study teacher.

>> jimmy: for real? >> yeah. and i'm not -- i do use a lot of profanity. but i want him to be my bible study teacher. >> jimmy: sure. [ laughter ] >> so i said yes. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> he said, i'll send you over some literary, some stuff on the jehovah's witness. and i said, yeah. and as soon as i hung up, knock knock knock. open the door, the guy comes in, all the pamphlets. >> jimmy: "the watchtower"? >> "the watchtower." i said, where did this dude come from? and then we were supposed to meet and i had food poisoning. and i said i can't meet with you, i have food poisoning. he said, who do you think is responsible for that? and i said, the jalapeno shrimp poppers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. >> the devil, apparently. >> jimmy: the devil. >> started serving appetizer, and i got some. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the devil has been poisoning your food? >> and i had some purple shoes. but i'm a 12, you know. and he said, man, those shoes

are dope. fly. like he didn't watch tv. so it's almost like a haircut in high school. you have the same hair forever. so he would use the words like, those are solid. groovy. i say, i'll get you some. he said, you don't know my size. i said well, i can kind of imagine. then he goes, look at my shoes. and they were about that big. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: small feet. >> they were espadrilles. >> jimmy: oh. >> i think even a hard shoe like baby's first shoe, the bottoms. >> jimmy: the hard bottom, the sole. >> i send him some shoes, and i think he got those too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow, prince would have been naked if it wasn't for you. >> if it wasn't for me. and i would be religious if it wasn't for the devil. [ laughter and applause ] and the jalapeno poppers. >> jimmy: george lopez is here. and the jalapeno poppers. >> jimmy: george lopez is here. we'll be right back. ♪ hey. jake from state farm! we have to know. yeah, these are state farm pajamas. no, what if we have to talk to somebody about our policy but it's late at night? call us 24/7.

great, because what if someone still calls his mom for everything? we'll walk you through everything, at state farm we're there for your "what ifs." (phone ringing) yeah mom, everything's great... yeah. i mean uh... not my mom. like a good neighbor, state farm is there. call or click to get a quote today. how do i do it all? with a little help. and to support my family's immune health, i choose airborne. unlike some others, airborne gives you vitamin c and so much more. it ain mune support formula. airborne. do more. i tried everything to remove fabric odors, but my clothes still smelled. until i finally found new downy rinse and refresh! it doesn't just cover odors, it helps remove them up to 3 times better than detergent alone! find new downy rinse & refresh in the fabric softener aisle.

♪ find new downy rinse & refresh this rental car is so boring to drive. let's be honest. the rent-a-car industry is the definition of boring. and the reason can be found in the name itself. rent - a - car. you don't want a friend. you want the friend. you don't want a job. you want the job. the is always over a. that's why we don't offer a car. we offer the car. ♪ sixt. rent the car.

you don't want to regret not being there for chance the way someon you don't want to regret not being there for chance the way someone wasn't there for your t-ball games. >> i was at the t-ball games. >> you were passed out in your car. >> if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to hear it, it's still in the woods. it's just laying there, sleeping it off. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very true. we are back with george lopez. that is "lopez vs lopez." this is your real daughter. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you on a show pitted against each other in some ways. based on? >> so, the idea came from us

being estranged. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and during the pandemic, i had one of those drive-by birthday parties where they would honk. happy birthday and take off. and then i had mariachis playing at my house, but they gave them the wrong address. so they played three houses down. [ laughter ] and the gardeners were there. a guy right here, mariachis? we love this house. i'm like, it's over here! [ laughter ] so i had to listen from four houses away and pay for mariachis that played while guys were doing the yard. >> jimmy: i know you guys just got picked up for another season. [ cheers and applause ] so i notice as an actor, you've done everything. you've done everything there is to do. but as a father now, you have to think you're thinking not only about the show, but your daughter's future. >> i mean, you know, i don't have the luxury of saying no. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's almost like if you're in a group sonny and cher, whoever, and well, i don't think i'm

going to do it. you get your fat ass out there. >> jimmy: and do it, right. [ laughter ] >> and we're doing the people's choice awards. and i'm going to be doing the nick at night, the nick awards, the nearsightedness, i'm doing the jimmy kimmel bowl on sunday. >> jimmy: oh, good. [ cheers and applause ] >> doing everything. >> jimmy: good. i would love to have you there. let me ask you a question. maybe this is inappropriate. who makes more, you or your daughter? [ laughter ] >> i think mayan is making more than i am. >> jimmy: is that right? >> and i think she should. >> jimmy: wow, that's something. [ cheers and applause ] >> she is amazing. >> jimmy: she is making more than you? but you don't know for sure. >> but, you know, they've all made more than i have. [ laughter ] i mean, listen. they said, where does the title "lopez vs lopez" come from? i said well, it started out on a court paper. [ laughter ] so the municipal court of los

angeles. >> jimmy: george lopez, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] "lopez vs lopez" friday nights on nbc, and watch it the next day on peacock. we'll be back with haley lu richardson. there's a different way to treat hiv. it's every-other-month, injectable cabenuva. for adults who are undetectable, cabenuva is the only complete, long-acting hiv treatment you can get every other month. cabenuva helps keep me undetectable. it's two injections, given by my healthcare provider, every other month. it's one less thing to think about while traveling. hiv pills aren't on my mind. a quick change in my plans is no big deal. don't receive cabenuva if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking certain medicines, which may interact with cabenuva. serious side effects include allergic reactions post-injection reactions, liver problems, and depression. if you have a rash and other allergic reaction symptoms, stop cabenuva and get medical help right away. tell your doctor if you have liver problems or mental health concerns, and if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or considering pregnancy.

some of the most common side effects include injection-site reactions, fever, and tiredness. atnd all tatnt pointments. every other month, and i'm good to go. ask your doctor about every-other-month cabenuva. hey, thanks for helping me out. of course. you can easily get helpful customer service over the phone or on the progressive app pretty much anywhere. like at the coffee shop, at the park, or on the moon. just kidding. it's another coffee shop.

for bathroom odors that linger. try febreze small spaces. just press firmly and it continuously fights odors in the air and on soft surfaces for 45 days. ♪breathe happy febreze♪ ♪la la la la la♪ i'm steve.

i lost 138 pounds in 9 months ♪breathe happy febreze♪ on golo and taking release. golo saved my life. i was way overweight, and that's what sent me down the path, was i--i wanted to make sure and live for my kid. plain and simple.

>> lou: tomorrow on "jimmy kimmel live" -- janelle monae, sadie sink, music from rita wilson with smokey robinson, tomorrow on "jimmy kimmel live."

who says you have to spend more on skincare to get results? i power up my skin with olay. it works. guaranteed. try niacinamide for strength, retinol 24 for smoothness and vitamin c for brightness. i like to use them all! olay. face anything. what's with the double mcnuggets? oh this one's my backup, in case something happens to the first one. [crunch] mmm. see. get one favorite like 10 piece chicken mcnuggets

and get another for just a buck, right now at mcdonald's. who says the holidays have to be over? and get another for just a buck, not me! let's keep shopping... roll that promo, maestro. ha-a-a a-ash-tag sorry not sorry. t up t75f no roll that promo, maestro. only at old navy a onavy.com i'm lindsey vonn, and ever since i retired from skiing, i've had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. you know, insomnia. before i found quviviq, an fda-approved insomnia medication for adults. you would not believe the things i used to think about when i couldn't sleep. hey, linds. i need you to sign this business contract. all 114 pages. lindsey, lindsey!! hey, lindsey! it's workout time. hey, big man, we're in the middle of something here. yeah, it's called physical fitness. just a couple dozen more questions, lindsey. don't forget to pack your phone charger for tomorrow morning's flight. it's plugged in right over there. insomnia can impact both my days and my nights. that's why i take quviviq nightly.

quviviq can help you fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer, and more sleep at night may mean feeling less tired during the day. quviviq works differently than medication you may have taken in the past. quviviq is thought to target one of the biological causes of insomnia. overactive wake signals. do not take quviviq if you have narcolepsy. don't drink alcohol while taking quviviq or drive or operate heavy machinery until you feel fully alert. quviviq may cause temporary inability to move or talk or hallucinations while falling asleep or waking up. quviviq may cause sleepiness during the day. quviviq may lead to doing activities while not fully awake that you don't remember the next day, like walking, driving and making or eating food. worsening depression including suicidal thoughts may occur. the most common side effects are headaches and sleepiness. it's quviviq. ask your doctor if it's right for you. if you think all pads are exactly the same... think again. this always ultra thin is our best yet. it wicks gushes 90% faster and absorbs even more. for up to 100% leak-free and odor-free comfort.

this is triple protection from always. we did it, wilbur! it's magnificent, brother. huzzah! why do you get the armrest? why shouldn't i? 'cause i was there first. if you're on a flight, you need to share the armrest. and if you want to save by bundling home and car insurance, you need geico. it's fine! what is that? a tray table, for snacking. mmmm. i didn't get peanuts. oh, well. see how much you could save by bundling with geico. find your beat oh, well. your moment of calm find your potential then own it support your immune system with a potent blend of nutrients and emerge your best every day with emergen-c ♪ (sneeze) ♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: welcome back. madi diaz is on the way. our next guest plays the italian adventure-seeking assistant to a very complicated boss in "the white lotus." you can see the season finale sunday night on hbo and hbo max. please welcome haley lu richardson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: it's very nice to meet you. i've been watching you on television. >> me too! with you! and me, yeah. >> jimmy: you do a great job on that show. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thanks. >> jimmy: you play it very well. and i got to tell you, the show is driving me crazy a little bit because i feel now, i'm trying to figure out -- >> i'm so overwhelmed. >> jimmy: sorry to jump right into it. >> no, no, that's what you have to do. i get it. it's fine. i'll take a breath. >> jimmy: but the show is unlike most shows where you find out somebody got murdered and you

figure out who did the murder, this show you kind of have to figure out who got murdered? who is the murderee. and in this case there is more than one murderee. and i feel like almost everyone on the show could be -- in fact, maybe it's everyone on the show is going to be killed. >> just killed each other? >> jimmy: yeah, because -- >> spoiler! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: only know that there are two people that can't be the victims. and then everyone else is really available for death. >> isn't that screwed up, that literally all of the characters could be capable of murder? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. i guess -- oh, yeah. >> it's crazy [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: or at least we think they could be capable of it. >> i know what you mean. i would believe that any of us could do it. like has it in them. >> jimmy: so who does it? just tell us who it is. [ laughter ] really? you really think you'll get in that much trouble if you reveal who it is? >> i'll tell you who it is. >> jimmy: okay, great. >> it's a sicilian fisherman. [ laughter ]

i can't take credit for that joke. my agent just came up with it. shout-out to david. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so that was a joke? >> it was a joke, if that wasn't clear. [ applause ] it could be, it could be. sorry if that was one of your guys' theories out there. that it was just a sicilian fisherman. >> jimmy: do you find that everyone who's watching this show wants to now go to sicily? i feel like sicily -- >> i don't know, do you? >> jimmy: yes. >> you want to go with me? >> jimmy: yes, i would like to go with you, sure. >> you heard it here first. [ applause ] >> jimmy: was it that much fun that you want to go back soon? >> taormina is a very small town. it's a very beautiful town. we were there on the off-season, so not much was bumping there while we were there, except for the penis cafe, yes. >> jimmy: oh. that's the real name of the place? >> there is -- it's in italian. maybe it's just translated. i don't know. there is an official name but i called it the penis cafe. >> jimmy: why is it the penis cafe? do they have the best penis

there? [ laughter ] >> all the staff has great [ bleep ] -- >> jimmy: the most delicious penis you'll ever taste. >> you'll ever taste. i wish i got to try it. [ audience moans ] unfortunately, i didn't. yeah, everything is [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: so it's like a theme restaurant. >> i think they serve -- actually, they do. they do serve food in there. food isn't great. i'm sorry. but their drinks, they have coffee, they have alcoholic beverages. they serve you like almond wine in [ bleep ] shot glasses. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. literally everything is [ bleep ]. and they literally have a clock that is a [ bleep ] clock. and it literally -- [ laughter ] and the hands of the clock are [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. and then when you're going pee and you wash your hands and the spout is a [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is a psychopath running this place. >> i love it there. it's my favorite place. >> jimmy: wow. >> that says a lot about me.

>> jimmy: your costars -- you were with this group of people, really like kind of cooped up for a while. >> yeah. >> jimmy: jennifer coolidge. >> yeah. >> jimmy: f. murray abraham, which seems like a lot of fun. [ applause ] do you call him f.? does he go by murray? >> murray, yes. >> jimmy: you say f. murray, it seems like you're being very rude to someone. >> f. that was kind of a joke. just with myself. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you know any of these people? did you know michael imperioli or aubrey plaza, any of these people? >> i didn't really know aubrey, but i knew of her. >> jimmy: oh, you knew her from what? >> from everything that she has ever been in. >> jimmy: got you. >> and i know she has a lot of crazed fans, but i'm one of the top. >> jimmy: oh, you are. >> yeah. and i actually -- i legitimately stalked her. [ laughter ] i didn't just stalk her on social media. i showed up to places i was not invited, knowing she was there. i got close to her cousins and her friends. [ laughter ] so that i would be invited into

her life. >> jimmy: really? >> and it works. >> jimmy: it did? [ laughter and applause ] >> yes. i'm filming with her now. there you go. >> jimmy: but that can't be how you got on the show? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: her cousins got you on the show? >> yeah, her cousins. shout-out to aubrey's cousins. there is a reason i'm here. yeah. no, they got me to her birthday party. >> jimmy: okay, i see. >> and then i showed up at her birthday party, and i saw her. i was uninvited. she didn't know i was coming. i saw her. it was a bunch of people in a bar, but it was definitely an intimate invite only. and she saw me from across the bar and went "you" and walked away. >> jimmy: really? >> and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. >> jimmy: very aubrey plaza. "you." [ laughter ] so you get a little closer than "you" while you were in italy together. >> i got a text from her after i found out i booked the show because she was already attached. i got a text from an unknown number that was literally a knife and a drip of blood. [ laughter ] and i knew.

i knew it was aubrey. [ laughter ] and it was. it was her. >> jimmy: good thing it wasn't o.j. or something. [ laughter ] >> that would have been not as fun as aubrey. >> jimmy: yeah, no, sure. >> i would have known the truth. >> jimmy: is it true you teach a dance class currently? >> yes. that's the truth. well, not right now. i taught it on wednesday. wednesday, 4:00 to 5:00. >> jimmy: not this moment. what kind of dancing is this? >> all kinds. >> jimmy: like for who? >> for me and for elderly folk. >> jimmy: for elderly folk. >> elderly people and some of my friends come. it's a very eclectic group. we got ranging from 21 to 89 in class. >> and do people come to pay? >> they pay the gym and the gym pays me. sometimes i get a check for 13 bucks. it's the highlight of my life. >> jimmy: you know you're on a television show, like on hbo, right? >> me as a person? yes, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: so you know -- is that something -- >> i have so many jobs. >> jimmy: that's something you do mostly for fun, i guess? >> i do.

i'm not paying for my house like subbing, teaching a dance class. >> jimmy: right. >> but i do have a blast with it. and it's very fulfilling. >> jimmy: it sounds like a funny thing to do. >> do you want to come? >> jimmy: no, no, i don't. [ laughter ] go to sicily, not going to dance, though. >> you'll come to the penis cafe. >> jimmy: in about 20 years i'll probably come. >> then you'll need the whatever. >> jimmy: then i'll feel comfortable there. do you think you'll still be teaching it in 20 years? >> as long as lonnie, the gym owner wants me to teach, i will. >> jimmy: lonnie is the guy you go through? >> a woman. >> jimmy: or a woman, one of the two, we'll figure it out another time. yet another mystery we have to unravel. so bummed that the show is over. >> it's not yet. one more. >> jimmy: they should have a couple more episodes before. see if you can get that worked out. >> okay. i'll put in a good word. >> jimmy: you do a great job on the show. i hope you don't die. >> me too. >> jimmy: ever. >> me as well. [ laughter ]

well, we're all going to die. >> jimmy: we are going to die. yeah. hopefully it will be while i'm being taught to dance by you. wouldn't that be nice? >> jimmy: that's a deal. [ cheers and applause ] haley lu richardson, everybody. "white lotus" the season finale is sunday on hbo and hbo max. we'll be back with madi diaz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by the "s" class from mercedes-benz. from mercedes-benz.

>> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by mercedes eq. all electric, all mercedes. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live!" concert series is presented by mercedes eq. all electric, all mercedes. >> jimmy: thanks to george lopez and haley lu richardson. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next but first, her album is called "history of a feeling." here with the song, "crying in public," madi diaz! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ i could be sitting on the m train going back to brooklyn ♪ ♪ i could be crossing a street somewhere without looking ♪ ♪ i could be drunk at a party laughing out loud ♪

♪ i could be anywhere i could be right here right now ♪ ♪ i could be walking through the grocery store at 3:00 a.m. ♪ ♪ i could be almost falling in love again you're still on ♪ ♪ the streets every sidewalk i go down i swear you're everywhere ♪ ♪ i swear you're right here right now i don't wanna be ♪ ♪ crying in public but here i am crying in public ♪ ♪ i am strong and it's stronger than i am right now ♪ ♪ trying to keep it in but it's coming out i don't wanna be ♪ ♪ crying in public but here i am

crying in public ♪ ♪ first thing in the morning last thing at night is it gonna pass ♪ ♪ will it last for a lifetime cause i could be ♪ ♪ watching a movie up late on my friend's couch ♪ ♪ god i be could anywhere i could be right here right now ♪ ♪ i don't wanna be crying in public but here i am ♪ ♪ crying in public i am strong and it's stronger than ♪ ♪ i am right now trying to keep it in but it's coming out ♪ ♪ i don't wanna be crying in

public but here i am ♪ ♪ crying in public even on the days when i think ♪ ♪ it'll miss me like it or not it's still gonna hit me ♪ ♪ i don't wanna be crying in public ohh here i am ♪ ♪ crying in public i am strong and it's stronger than ♪ ♪ i am right now trying to keep it in but it's coming out ♪ ♪ i don't wanna be crying i

i don't wanna be crying i don't wanna be crying in public ♪ [ cheering and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, fight for freedom. he was just 18 years old when he was arrested for a murder he says he didn't commit. >> are you concerned that you might die before being able to be vindicated? >> to be honest with you, yeah. >> still behind bars three decades later, even after a judge said no jury would convict him today. >> i pray every night that they send him home. >> so can christopher dunn finally get justice? >> your circuit judge in missouri said i was innocent. why can't you free me? hiplet. a dazzling mix of classical ballet with the rhythmic beat and heat of hip-hop. >> i tell people, we kind of cut our bodies in half.