>> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, courteney cox, and ike barinholtz. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everyone. oh, that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching, thank you for joining us. thank you for coming. i'm glad you're here. i have to say, i don't want to ruin anyone's fun. i'm not a fun-ruiner, for the

most part. but have you heard about the diarrhea superbug? it's going around our studio, actually. [ laughter ] the cdc issued a warning identifying a "diarrhea superbug." it's called "shigella" which i thought was a jewish holiday. [ laughter ] "are you coming for shigella?" but it's not. "shigella" is one of the most common sources of diarrhea in the world. just after chipotle. [ laughter ] so the cdc has released some guidelines on how to know if you have it. and they've asked me to read them, to help get the word out. number one, if you're climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter, it's diarrhea. [ laughter ] cha cha cha. number two, if you're running down the hall ask you feel something fall, it's diarrhea. cha cha cha. [ laughter ] not sure why they added the cha cha chas, but. number three, if you're sliding into first and you feel something burst it's diarrhea cha cha cha. that one feels overly specific to baseball players, right?

we can't dedicate the whole show to diarrhea, right, guillermo? >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. >> jimmy: speaking of diarrhea, tucker carlson of fox news -- [ laughter and applause are ] yesterday, we learned that the department of energy believes with what they described as "low confidence" that covid may have leaked from a lab in china. eight federal agencies now have weighed in with their assessments. four believe covid came from natural transmission, two say it was a lab leak, and two are undecided. in other words, we don't know. but the dingbats now see this as some kind of "proof" that they were right! that the virus came from a chinese leak in a laboratory, which by the way, it might have. the point is, we didn't know then. we still don't know. but what we did know, that trump and his buddies blaming the chinese resulted in a great deal of anti-asian american sentiment and even violence in this country. that's why it was irresponsible for the president to call it the "china virus." but tucker carlson, apparently, disagrees.

>> this plague should never have happened. it could have been stopped, but people chose not to stop it. >> jimmy: what people? tomorrow he'll blame the spanish flu on antonio banderas. >> yeah. all of a sudden your cue card - has all kinds of talking points from politicians and foreign governments on it. don't read it. you degrade yourself and you become complicit in the greatest crime in history. >> jimmy: isn't that beautiful? [ laughter ] i mean, the idea that they man -- that i would be accused of reading talking points from foreign governments. if it weren't so brazen, it would almost be funny coming from this loathsome, unamerican, moscow mule. >> wait a second, why is it disloyal to side with russia, but royal to side with ukraine? what is this really about? why do i hate putin so much? has putist ever called me a racist? has he threatened to get me fired for disagreeing with him? for the record, i'm totally

opposed to these sanctions, i don't think we should be at war with russia, i think we should take the side of russia. is he making fentanyl? is he trying to snuff out christianity? does he eat dogs? these are fair questions, and the answer to all of them is no. hold on, why would we take ukraine's side and not russia's side? >> jimmy: there he is, putin's favorite little nesting doll. [ laughter ] accusing me of taking orders from a foreign government. did you know the reason they call him "tucker" is because in high school, he liked to get naked and "tuck" his christmas ornaments -- [ laughter ] he would prance around in front of his grandparents. [ cheers and applause ] they started calling him "tucker." that's what my chinese intelligence tells me. [ laughter ] the good news, i guess, is that tucker doesn't actually believe a lot of what he says. rupert murdoch just admitted that during the election in 2020 tucker and tan hi were on camera stoking claims of voter fraud while privately texting each other saying they knew they weren't true. three years later, fox finally told the truth about how much they lie.

because they had to in court. there were two stories. in one, rupert murdoch acknowledged that fox news hosts knowingly endorsed false stolen election claims. and in another, they leaked confidential information about biden's campaign ads to jared kushner. two very big stories that most certainly had a negative and long-lasting impact on our democracy. let's see how fox news covered those stories today. >> your giggling vice president, kamala harris, strikes again. this time speaking in south carolina about how-speed internet. she broke into another one of those bizarre laughing fits. >> what would the seven dwarfs' names? angry? >> a city council meeting in washington state was stopped multiple times by a cat constituent. the feisty feline interrupted everyone. >> from sweet alabama to sweet florida, leonynyrd skynyrd is sl changing music history. >> two cocktails based on gate.

>> there are a lot of people who believe they've seen a leprechaun, or an elf. >> the pennsylvania teen slathered the whole kitchen in peanut butter. this isn't the first time. a few months ago he did the entire bathroom in peanut butter. >> jimmy: i hope it was peanut butter. could have been that diarrhea superbug. [ laughter and applause ] there was no mention of any of that on fox news. here's the thing. the reason they're keeping this quiet, it's going to be a shock, because fox news lied to us. oh my god. [ laughter and applause ] guillermo -- are you okay? >> guillermo: yeah, sorry, i'm just drunk, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, you're drunk. of course our crazy ex-president had to weigh in on the fox news news. "why is rupert murdoch throwing his anchors under the table, which also happens to be killing his case and infuriating his viewers, who will again be leaving in drives, they already are. there is massive evidence of voter fraud and irregularities in the presidential election.

just look at the documentary '2000 mules' and you will see large-scale ballot stuffing caught on government cameras, votes cast without legislature's approval, or just recently, the fbi/twitter files scandal, rigged!" that's how he ends every letter now. happy birthday, eric -- "rigged!" [ laughter ] now fox is fake news too. will somebody get this guy some metamucil? his toilet tweets are going on way too long. [ laughter ] today in washington, the justice department briefed the congressional "gang of eight" as they are known, on the investigations into the trump, pence, and biden classified document situation. the gang of eight is made up of top democrats and republicans from both chambers. you can recognize them from the little teardrop tattoos they have under their eyes. [ laughter ] we have not heard any indication of what's in those documents yet that trump had in his golf bag and biden had in the glove box on of his corvette. but i thought this was interesting. the officials handling the documents are so familiar with them at this point, they can identify them by smell. biden's smell like bengay,

trump's smell like popcorn shrimp, and mike pence's smell like mother's liz claiborne perfume. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thank you. i did a lot of research to arrive at that particular perfume. [ laughter ] marjorie taylor greene is not goodness.he gang of eight, than- [ laughter ] but she had a busy night. she went on twitter to announce -- "i was attacked in a restaurant tonight by an insane women and screamed at by her adult son. they had no respect for the restaurant, the staff, the other people dining, or people like me who simply have different political views. they are self-righteous, insane, completely out of control. i was sitting at my table, working with my staff, and never even noticed these people until they turned into demons. people used to respect others even if they had different views. not anymore. our country is gone." said the woman who literally screamed at the president during his state of the union speech. [ laughter ] but she was attacked --

"attacked" by an inmain woman. the woman who attacked her was insane. you know how dogs sometimes see themselves in a mirror and think it's another dog? [ laughter ] marjorie taylor greene isn't the only rat in the house. there are new characters popping up every day, like freshman congressman andrew ogles of tennessee. who yesterday admitted that the international relations degree he says he got from middle tennessee state university was actually a degree in "liberal studies." he also claimed to be an economist. turns out he took one community college economics class, and got a "c" in it. [ laughter ] so he claims he made a mistake on his resume. then took a page from george santos when a reporter tried to get him to talk about it. >> how did you forget what your major was in college? sir, don't you think voters deserve an explanation? >> sorry -- >> congressman, we can stop right here and talk to you if you're willing to talk to us. >> jimmy: i like that strategy. try to pretend the reporter isn't there.

"is someone talking? i hear something, but --" [ laughter ] meanwhile, remember that story about george santos being a drag queen? well now, there's a drag queen that's being george santos. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: by the way, that performer's name, drag name anyway, is "meatball." which is a shame because that was going to be my drag queen name. [ laughter ] but i think we owe a debt to george santos. he's finally given us something to agree on. democrats, republicans, and independents all agree that santos should not be a congressman. a new survey says 66% of new york voters want santos to resign and the other 34% are him in a variety of wigs and mustaches. [ laughter ] right now, the only people who want him to remain in office are

the people who work for him and late-night talk show hosts. [ laughter ] to us, he's gold. so i thought it might be nice to catch up with george. we haven't seen him in a few weeks. i think we have him -- george? >> let's see -- >> can you hear us? >> two boxes of samoas, four boxes of thin mints. >> jimmy: george? >> so that will be -- that'll be, let's just make it an even $5000. >> jimmy: wait, george. what are you up to there? george? >> hi. >> jimmy: what are you doing? >> i'm out on this beautiful day dialoguing with my constituents. >> jimmy: it looks like you're posing as a girl scout to sell coo cookies. >> that sounds crazy, you sound crazy. >> what are you doing? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: george, don't run. i wanted to ask, you claimed you got married on long island. there's no record of it. people have been looking for the records -- >> of course there's no record, the records were destroyed when the volcano erupted. >> a volcano erupted on long island? >> yeah, i don't want to talk

about this because my mother was killed in the volcano. >> jimmy: oh my god. >> she passed away dead from the lava. so if you have a shred of human decency, please respect my privacy at this very difficult time. >> jimmy: you claimed your mother died on 9/11. >> i never said "the" 9/11, i said "a" 9/11. >> jimmy: hold on a second, george -- >> i can't do this, i'm late for my meeting with tyler perry, he's making a movie about me. >> jimmy: what, he's making a movie with you? >> yeah, it's called "madea's list." i wrote bit my black grandmother surviving the holocaust. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, hold on. is it a true story? >> the holocaust? no. the movie. [ laughter ] oh, yeah, yeah, it's true-ish. it's a jewish true-ish. >> jimmy: can i ask, are you okay, congressman? >> i cut my way through the jungles of cam body yeah, i can cut my way through this! >> jimmy: you fought in the vietnam war?

>> yes, i did, and we lost a lot of good men out there, includng my mother. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hang on a minute. that's not -- what is going on here? [ laughter ] hold on, are you -- did you just buy a puppy from an amish guy with a fidget spinner? [ laughter ] george, what is going on with that puppy? >> what puppy? that puppy are you even talking about? >> jimmy: the puppy that we just saw a second ago -- why would you -- [ laughter ] george, george? i'm just trying to ask you >> csi: miami! >> jimmy: he's not with csi: miami. you haven't answered my questions about the volcano or the cookies or the puppy or any of this stuff, george? >> i don't have time for this right now, jimmy. i've got to get this thing up to 88 miles an hour. i'm going to go back to 1975. i'm going to get my lava-covered mother and take her to the enchantment under the sea dance. let's hit it, pepe. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness, all

right. well, you know. we tried. we got a great show for you tonight. ike barinholtz is here. and we'll be right back with courteney cox.

>> jimmy: hi, there. welcome back to the show. tonight, from the highly anticipated "history of the world part 2" on hulu, ike barinholtz is with us. [ cheers and applause ] who's here tomorrow night? tomorrow night, we'll be joined by jon favreau and nicole byer, with music from tove lo. please join us for that. [ cheers and applause ] almost 40 years ago, our first guest left the warmth of her native birmingham, alabama, to

follow her dreams on the mean streets of hollywood. yesterday she received a star on the hollywood walk of fame, and she returns to the role of death-dodging reporter gale weathers in "scream 6." it opens in theaters march 10th. please welcome courteney cox! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? congratulations, by the way. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's pretty exciting, to get your star on the hollywood walk of fame. i can't believe you didn't have it already. >> i don't know, it was really exciting. i didn't even know how big of a deal it was until i got there and this one reporter said to me, "how does it feel that you have a star? to think that cocoa's kids will have it forever and walk on it?" i went, "oh, wow, that is

beautiful. and yet that means i'm actually going to die." [ laughter ] mixed emotions. >> jimmy: kind of is a bit of a headstone, isn't it? >> jimmy: like both of those things. cocoa, of course, is your daughter. did the whole family come out for this? >> johnny came out from london. >> jimmy: your boyfriend john, yeah. >> my sister virginia came out, my other sister do thedy. my brother didn't. >> jimmy: okay, all right. you had a pretty good turnout for this event. >> yes. >> jimmy: my wife actualy was there. >> i know. >> jimmy: i'm sorry i wasn't there. i was not able. i know it's only down the block. [ laughter ] i was not able to get there. no, i had some things going on. my wife comes home last night, "oh my god, you've got to hear what happened." will you tell the story about the time you decided to give up? >> oh, okay, yes. well -- my dad thought i should give up, really. what happened was, i hadn't worked in a long time. and i only had enough money to

live about two weeks. i mean, really eat, that was it. so i was talking to my dad, "cece," that's my nickname, "you need to come home. it's a long fall from los angeles to birmingham, and this is time to pack it in. you ar salesman, you're a damned good salesman, you need to do what you do best." >> jimmy: what did he want you to sell? >> sell swimming pools. >> jimmy: swimming pools? >> that's my dad's business. by the way, i am pretty good at that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i would imagine you would be. >> i knew i had that that as a fallback. i was like, "dad." the next day i got a call saying the audition i'd gone on for "family ties," i got the part as michael j. fox's girlfriend for two years. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: was your dad -- when you said, oh, change of plans, i'm not coming home, was he bummed out that you weren't coming home? >> no. >> jimmy: no, he was excited? >> he loves me, but he -- i mean, he maybe missed me, i'm not sure. but he loved hollywood. he loves movies.

he loves television. anything to do with it. we watched movies, the same one, "ben hur," "all those action movies. i forgot -- i can't think of anything. obsessed. the same ones over and over. >> jimmy: now you tell this story and moments later this happens. >> i also want to thank my beautiful sisters, dottie and virginia for showing up for me today, flying in here. my mom would have loved this so much, but my dad was obsessed -- wow. sorry, dad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow, if that isn't a pes. >> message from the pool business above, i don't know what is. >> it's true. it's like, you could -- one person who is very intuitive, she really kind of is crazily intuit intuitive, she immediately went, "that's her father." molly, i don't know if molly believes in that stuff -- your wife. >> jimmy: it's hard to ignore when something happens at a moment like that, it really is.

>> the timing was -- you saw it, it was weird. >> jimmy: it's pretty weird. who did that water dump onto? >> oh, the proper -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: papa dumped what happened. your friends from "friends" were at the star ceremony. [ cheers and applause ] lisa, jennifer, laura dern, who was not one of the cast of "friends" but they spoke on your behalf. >> their stars are so close. laura is about 10 feet from jennifer, and i'm about 20 feet from them. >> jimmy: yeah. well, that's nice to be in that neighborhood. >> yes. >> jimmy: okay, so this "scream," this is the sixth "scream" movie, hence the title, "scream 6." [ laughter ] ever think about calling it "still screaming" or anything like that? [ laughter ] >> it's a good idea. >> jimmy: "scream on," anything? >> that's a good one. >> jimmy: when you were reading one of these scripts -- i don't know, most everybody who was in the other movies is dead, killed by the -- you know, the guy, right?

>> yeah, i mean -- this new relaunch, there are -- there are four people that -- well, not me. five people that made it from the last one. >> jimmy: okay. >> and then they brought back kirby hayden panettiere. i actually thought she died, i don't know what "scream" that was. [ laughter ] when you do this many, you can't keep up. >> jimmy: also on the show "heroes," her character died over and over again but kept coming back to life. >> okay. >> jimmy: that's probably what's confusing you. [ laughter ] do you go through, when you get the script -- i assume they send you the script, it's all done, right? do you go through and skip quickly to see if you're dying in the script? >> absolutely. [ laughter ] first thing you do. did you make it? yeah, the thing is, i can't say whether i live or die. i love asking people, "what do you think happens to gale?" people are so certain. but i don't really read after my character is not in the script. whether she lives or dies, i don't really want to know what happens, so i don't read it.

then i get to go on the set and go, "hm, are you just being a good actor? or are you good at acting to be an actor?" >> jimmy: is that a normal thing to do? [ laughter ] >> i don't always do the read all the time. i take my work seriously. but it's really fun to go see the movie and not have any idea. >> jimmy: yeah, sure, but unless you're in it. [ laughter ] i mean, you know. that's, like, our thing. then your thing is being in it, yeah. we have a clip from the movie. wait till you see this. [ laughter ] >> looks like you're not going to be able to stop this. ♪ ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, we don't know. is it fun to shoot something like that? >> yeah. i wonder what happened. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: was it a real cast iron pan? >> no. >> jimmy: no, okay, all right. >> it was heavy, though. you know, it's so weird. they have these knives, and -- yeah, of course they're not real, it's too dangerous. but i'm like, dude, that's not retractable. he still stabbed me. that would hurt no matter what. >> jimmy: yeah, they're relatively dangerous, no matter what they tell you. >> they really are. >> jimmy: never listen to anybody, really. >> if i hit you in the head with a big rubber -- it's going to hurt. >> jimmy: please don't do that. [ laughter ] my wife is your number one customer with your candles and your soap and your lotions and all this, whatever stuff you have. >> she's so sweet. >> jimmy: your home court products. this is exciting. we found this baby. not really. we didn't find a baby. there's a baby on tiktok who

smells candles, this baby's name is sunday, she smells candles, then she instantly reviews them, decides whether she likes -- well, show the baby. >> are you ready to smell some candles? >> yes. >> okay. >> oh: aght, so this is what d is we sent her four of your candles, okay? so -- and we asked her, would you like to see sunday's review of your candles? >> let me ask you, does she, like -- once she says no, does it go out of business? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i can't imagine it's good for the candles. >> ugh. how many followers does she have? >> jimmy: this is the most powerful baby in the candle

industry. [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: she could literally ruin you. but i promise, this is not set up. these are the baby's real reactions. we didn't collude with the baby, all right? first candle is this one called "steeped rose." >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: hi. >> this rose -- yes. >> jimmy: yes! [ cheers and applause ] steeped rose. that's a winner. the next one is called, leaf. what's that? >> orange blossom. >> jimmy: sounds like weed. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> jimmy: yes! >> oh, wow, okay. [ applause ] 2 for 2. >> jimmy: next one is mint? >> cypress.

>> jimmy: spelled cipre. [ laughter ] >> you're right, but -- >> jimmy: did the baby spell these too? [ laughter ] let's take a look. >> nes -- >> no? >> no, no. >> jimmy: sorry, courteney. you get an upside down candle for that. finally your nickname, cece. here we go. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. that is very definitive. >> jimmy: we should get that baby and smell the diaper and give it a yes or a no. [ laughter ] when we come back we have something very special. i know you're very sporty. we saw you running around in the "scream" movie. i know you like sports, i know you like to compete. when you come back, this is a real game, it's a real sport. it's televised and everything. it's called "extreme indoor balloon." when we come back, cox versus

kimmel ballooning. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ people who come to cricket stay with cricket! i started my own app company, and with cricket, i'm able to answer calls from my engineers and investors, and know my signal is going to be great. 5g boss-mode activate! one prilosec otc each morning blocks heartburn all day and all night. prilosec otc reduces excess acid for 24 hours,

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hello, americans, i'm ike barinholtz, and welcome to "extreme indoor balloon, talk show edition." [ cheers and applause ] and what a matchup. first up, we have an influencer, nurse practitioner, and heir to the hormel salami fortune, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]

>> hormel, hormel! >> jimmy's opponent tonight, actress, tennis enthusiast, and candle magnate, courteney cox! [ cheers and applause ] let's go down to our referee, >> jimmy: here we come. >> sal: the rules are very simple. each player will receive a point when his or her opponent fails to stop the balloon from hitting the ground, okay? when you hit the balloon, you can only do it with your hand. you can only do it once and in an upward fashion. let me see upward. okay, all right, good enough. [ laughter ] nob of this baby stuff, jimmy, hit it a meter off the ground, be a gentleman for crying out loud. >> jimmy: you've got to be like three feet, you can't just go -- >> sal: i said a meter, three feet, whatever you want to do. here's the deal. two minutes on the clock. whoever has the most points will be declared the winner. after that, i want a clean game, i want a fair game. this is a priceless family heirloom, so stay away.

>> jimmy: this is the boundary, the rug? >> sal: sure, out of bounds is there. >> jimmy: you've got to keep it inbounds, courteney. >> i'm no nervous. just hit it up? >> jimmy: you hit it up, and here we go. >> announcer: and we are ballooning! that's a necessary hit right there. jimmy as got it covered, he's not worried, he's not sweating. courteney hits a backward bump. backward backward bump. she did it, she did it! we've got a match, though. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. >> sal: that's all right. >> didn't you actually build that way? it's over, that's it. >> jimmy: you want to go this way? ready? >> announcer: and we are ballooning. it's going behind him. courteney's too smart for that. she's going this way and jimmy is there to meet her. and here comes the patented kimmel kick. no, it's a hit. he went with a hit. oh!

>> jimmy: oh my goodness, oh, courteney. oh, courteney, you're out of bounds. >> sal: all right. >> i forgot about the carpet. >> sal: 1:28 left. >> announcer: and we are ballooning. back towards the couch. i've never seen this done before. here comes courteney, but jimmy's right there with the recovery. it's going back. oh my goodness, that is a -- that is a flying balloon, folks, right there. oh, oh! oh, oh -- courteney's got it, courteney's got this one covered. jimmie, which way is he going, folks? that small little baby hit. that is a dirty play right there. it's going back. courteney cox is there, she's got it. guillermo! here comes guillermo. now we have some more interference as guillermo -- going for the chips back there, he's not getting out of anyone's way. snack up, guillermo. courteney with another hit. she'll get there, she will.

guillermo -- we have an interference right there. courteney is going to hit it back toward the sofa. oh, wow. the no-look from kimmel and it's met by cox. kimmel to cox to kimmel. oh, you brought up the cactus -- oh my goodness, right there. we got 2-1. 2 to kimmel, 1 -- >> jimmy: this is a real cactus. all right, courteney. guillermo, why are you eating chips in our way? >> guillermo: i'm hungry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> announcer: here we go folks. and we are ballooning! oh! behind him. better move, kimmel. better move, funny man. oh, behind the couch. she did it! here we go. oh, a soft hit. a soft hit. ask courteney cox keeps it in play. jimmy matching -- guillermo still walking around, he has no idea what the hell's going on.

get out of the way, guillermo. oh, oh, oh! [ cheers and applause ] final toward 2-1, the winner, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. oh, courteney, you were so close. >> i didn't even need to dive for that. yours is going out. >> jimmy: it doesn't matter. you know what, the important thing is we had fun. [ laughter ] right? >> we did. did we? >> jimmy: well, i did, anyway, for sure. >> i did. >> announcer: that's the action for tonight here in liquid-plumr foaming pipe stink arena. master of sex ike bare rin holts. we'll be right back. >> jimmy: courteney cox, everybody. "scream 6" opens in theaters march 10th. we'll be right back with ike. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by number 7 skin care. the uk's best-kept dutity secret. discover it at walgreens today. out there, and l

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: wow. welcome back. our next guest is a very funny actor, comedian, writer, and the newly crowned king of "celebrity jeopardy." now he teams up with the great mel brooks for the long-awaited "history of the world part 2." the four-night event starts march 6th on hulu.

please welcome ike barinholtz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hold on, let me position that so we can really take it in. two champions on one show together, it's amazing, you and i. [ laughter ] congratulations. that is -- you're excited about that, right? >> very. first of all, to my fellow jews, happy shigella. very excited to win celebrity jeopardy. i've been carrying this around with me everywhere. i am now allowed to board early on domestic flights. [ laughter ] along with active military personnel. >> jimmy: i did not know that, perks. >> the other day i got in front

of this veteran. [ laughter ] he said, "what are you doing? you shouldn't be doing this." i said, "excuse me, sir. i didn't serve but i beat patton oswalt in trivia, now get out of my way." and he whipped my ass all the way down the gate. right in front of my kids. i was begging. >> jimmy: it was you against patton. how much did you beat patton by? >> we went "trading places" style, $1. >> jimmy: how many celebrities were in the tournament? >> i think you're looking at -- hold on, give me a second. what is 27? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: 27. did you -- were there any you particularly enjoyed beating? >> well, i mean, i knew patton was going to be a problem early on. >> jimmy: he's smart. >> pretty smart man. i played jalen rose, who's a great guy, and i won. so i now can say i beat the fab five. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you beat at least one of the fab five. you're going to be on, also, the tournament of champions, the

real one. >> yes. >> jimmy: the celebrity of jeopardy is easy, right? comparatively. >> celebrities have this part of their brain that noncelebrities can use to retain information, but celebrities need that part to know how to stand on a red carpet. [ laughter ] you know. >> jimmy: get the free stuff on instagram? >> yes. influence. >> jimmy: uh-huh, yes. >> so the questions are easier lest they embarrass a celeb, and i can't think of a worst thing than a celebrity being embafrsed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: literally the worst thing that can ever happen in the world. >> it is. >> jimmy: you're going to be playing against the how many top champions? >> oh, man, i don't know how many they're going to have, but they're all smarter than me by a vast margin. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is your goal to win or just not be eliminated first? >> my goal would be to not be the first one out, but the second one out. >> jimmy: the second one out? >> the second one out, i will sleep like a baby that night, my friend. >> jimmy: have you decided which of your children, your three children, will get this trophy when, god forbid, you pass away?

>> well, we have decided, like king solomon, i will divide it into three parts. >> jimmy: oh. >> and they can do whatever they want with it. >> jimmy: i like that. >> i like how you're pretending to care about my children. >> jimmy: why do you say that? >> we have a problem, didn't we? >> jimmy: well, i don't have a problem. >> you don't, i have a problem with you. folks? last time i was here, jimmy told you all about how our children go to the same school. how they have a fund-raiser to the teachers. the money goes- one of the things that they auction off is a parking spot in front of the school. >> jimmy: the only parking spot. >> the only parking spot. so you don't have to wait in line like the rest of the lose is where they're dropping their kids off. you can zip right up there, park in your spot, and i got it. they put up a nice little sign. they put up a little sign that said, "no parking." yeah, you should clap for that it's a nice gesture. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very welcoming, yeah. >> yeah. and so -- >> jimmy: how many years did you have that? didn't you get ate couple of

years in a row? >> two, three years in a row. not to drop names, charlize had it before me, now i have it. anyways, last year for the auction, i placed my bid. and i got outbid right away. and i placed my bid, i got outbid right away. i turned to my wife and said, "it's happening." i found out that jimmy got the spot. and -- do you have a picture of what the new sign says? there we go, that's nice. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was the sign that i had installed. >> look at that. i mean, who? who does that? [ laughter ] like, who -- jigsaw from the "saw" franchise? a sick guy, folks. >> jimmy: i told my wife, there's no amount too high for me not to win this parking spot. >> i know, i know, you got it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the best thing is even your wife was allowed to park in that spot. >> anyone could park. >> jimmy: i opened it up to the whole school, with one notable

exception. >> it's 8:11 at, i'm dropping off my kid, i haven't even digested my food yet. other parents are pulling in, "ha ha, i got your spot!" ha ha! [ laughter ] anyways. >> jimmy: well -- >> like donald trump, i am going after you. >> jimmy: oh, you are? >> yes. you know what, if he decides to make putting you in prison one of his campaign platforms, i will vote for him. [ laughter ] [ applause ] see jimmy at guantanamo bay! >> jimmy: that seems extreme. >> you're going to gitmo, folks. >> jimmy: i have to say, i'm very envious of you because you got to do this project with mel brooks, who is maybe the funniest person in the whole world, right? >> ever, ever, yeah. >> jimmy: he is a legend. he made "history of the world part 1." many, many movies. "history of the world part 1" is one we all saw. how many times have you seen that movie? >> 100. >> jimmy: 100 times? >> yes. >> jimmy: many times. he comes to you, wanda sykes,

and nick kroll, "we want to do history of the world part 2." or did you go to him and say that? >> no, i was brought into the project by nick kroll. "do you want to do history of the world part 2 with mel brooks?" i was like, is this crank anchors? what's going on? what's happening? sure enough, we were in a zoom with mel a couple of weeks later. just having him laugh at your jokes, which is, like, the light of god shining upon your face. >> jimmy: it really is, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: the best thing you could imagine. now you guys get to make this -- you're a history guy? >> i'm a huge history nerd. >> jimmy: that plays into all of this too. >> it's surreal. >> jimmy: you go through, you decide, one of the characters you play repeatedly is ulysses s. grant. >> yes. >> jimmy: and -- >> one of our hottest presidents, i think we could all agree. [ laughter ] the man was a fox. >> jimmy: back then, oh, yeah. >> oh my god. he was an 1863 "10." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and the conceit, and i don't know if this is based in any truth, but the conceit is

that lincoln tells him, what that he can't drink? >> abe lincoln is concerned that he was drinking too much because he was constantly passing out on his horse and stuff. so lincoln's like, you cannot drink. we thought it would be a fun story for him to go off on a little booze mission. and the whole series, basically, is just this man trying to get some whiskey. and -- yeah. >> jimmy: in this clip -- is this a -- well, this is kind of the -- i don't want to spoil the ending. >> the north won. >> jimmy: the north won. >> just fyi. >> sorry i'm late, but i'm here now in my uniform. why don't we sign this treaty and end this war, right? there we go. right here. you're up. >> this is truly the most difficult thing i have ever been called on to do -- >> just go ahead and sign it. >> i pray that this never happens again -- >> next -- >> as a boy, my father taught

me -- >> fight, fight, sign to end the war, yeah! who wants a drink? [ cheers and applause ] >> funny. when we were telling mel, oh, we're going to have this civil war thing. he goes, appomattox, when robert e. lee bends over to sign the treaty, his sword has to hit all of his men in the balls. we're like, all right. that's the show on hulu. >> jimmy: how great is that? you're doing a four-part deal, releasing an episode each night over the course of four nights. >> starts monday. >> jimmy: mel -- we have that photograph of mel at the premiere. was this last night? >> yeah, last night here in hollywood. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: look at him, god bless him. >> he's 96 years old. he gets up on stage, looks at this big audience, "i just want to say, it's wonderful to be here, and i was riding here in the car and i was listening to the radio and looking at you all. i want you to know that they're expecting scattered showers the next two days and the low

pressure front is moving in from canada." i was like, oh my god, he's so funny. >> jimmy: unbelievable, right? well, sorry about the whole parking spot thing. i hope that we can smooth that over next year. >> after a little bit of litigation, we'll figure the whole thing out. [ laughter ] i'm excited to be the new host of the show. it's happening. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm excited for that too. ike barinholtz, everybody. "history of the world part 2" premieres monday on hulu. we'll be right back. too.

>> jimmy: oh, hey, welcome back. i want to thank courteney cox. court 90, i have to say, what a gamer she was. unfortunately, she didn't prevail in the end. who did win that game? you were the guy. >> i believe the winner was you, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much for mentioning that, ike. ike barinholtz. watch his show "history of the world part 2." it premieres monday on hulu. thanks to nelson franklin for performing as george santos so beautifully. apologies to matt damon, we did run out of time for him, he will be rescheduled in the future. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching, good night!

♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight, disaster next door. >> i never thought this could happen to me. i mean, we see trains all the time. >> the fiery ohio train derailment. >> oh, god. what caused it? >> a train derailed. >> spewing toxic chemicals into the community's air and water. nearly a month after the accident, the government officials say it's safe. why residents are still outraged and afraid. >> we're still not using our water to cook or drink. >> just because we don't know if it's going to be safe or not. >> the political firestorm, whether the government has done enough. how east palestine has become the latest battle in the culture wars.