♪ this is "nightline." >> tonight -- >> paris, paris, paris! >> paris hilton in her own words. >> i just felt that the whole world saw me as this sex symbol. but inside, i didn't feel that way at all. >> the "it" girl like you've never seen her. >> it was a living nightmare. they stole my childhood. >> a raw and emotional interview with our juju chang. >> you were photographed a million times, yet behind the sunglasses, you had a caricature of yourself with the high voice and the rich, spoiled brat persona. was that really you? >> no. that was a trauma response. kind of created this almost barbie doll fantasy life. >> revealing a private pain. plus uvalde moms. four women united through a

deadly and gut-wrenching tragedy. >> it's a club. unfortunately, it's not a club anybody wants to be a part of. but it's our club now. we work with what we have. >> their daughters killed when a gunman opened fire at robb elementary last year. >> it's a beautiful relationship, but i don't know how i would be getting through any of these days without them. >> coming together to ease their >> coming together to ease their pain and fight for justice. i? at new chapter, its' innovation, organic ingredients, and fermentation. fermentation? yes. formulated to help you body really truly absorb the natural goodness. new chapter. wellness, well done. i'm feeling better. body pain? headache? nope. all in one and done. cuh-congestion? better. cough? fever? better. mucinex all in one relieves 9 symptoms in 1 dose. it's not cold and flu season. it's always comeback season.

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♪ good evening and thank you for joining us. i'm phil lipof. we begin with a paris hilton that you have never seen or heard before. the heiress and paparazzi princess reveals stunning details about her life and trauma that she says she hid from the world. how she says she crafted a persona to hide her pain in plain sight. here's "nightline" coanchor juju chang. >> i never talked about this out loud with anyone in an interview. so it's weird to talk about. >> reporter: you might think you know paris hilton. >> paris, paris, paris! >> i'm very shy. >> no one would guess that about you. >> no one would guess that, no. but i'm extremely, extremely shy. >> reporter: but behind the glittery backdrop of the paparazzi princess --

>> that's it, no more. >> paris, paris! >> i just felt that the whole world saw me as this sex symbol, but inside, i didn't feel that way at all. >> reporter: she says the real paris -- >> i created this character inside of this place because i just wanted to be someone else. >> reporter: as we continue to examine how young women in the limelight were treated 20 years ago, in her new self-titled memoir, the pop culture icon flipping her narrative on its head. >> paris, paris! >> you had a caricature of yourself with the high voice and the rich, spoiled brat persona. was that really you? >> no. that was a trauma response. and kind of created this almost barbie doll fantasy life. >> reporter: a response to the unspeakable abuse and anguish she says she endured as a

teenager that helped shape who she is today. she became the "it" girl early on. her face all over the tabloids. >> everyone thinks nicole and i are these two girls who never worked a day in their life. >> reporter: mocked as famous for being famous, most notably for her reality tv show "the simple life." >> that's hot. >> reporter: two decades later, her influence remains undeniable. constantly reinventing herself. she says it all stems from a painful place. you said this is like taking a sledgehammer to the wall of silence and shame? >> this whole book is about that. it's been extremely healing. obviously, extremely traumatizing as well. because i think when you go through trauma in life, you don't want to remember it. >> reporter: paris says school didn't come easy for her and she had adhd but didn't know it at the time.

>> just being in school and not being able to concentrate, just not understanding why until later on. like, i wish i would have been diagnosed earlier. >> reporter: in her book, paris writes that when she was 14 years old, a teacher she knew developed a crush on her. >> he gave you compliments? >> yes. >> what kinds of things did he say? >> how mature i was, how beautiful i was, that other boys my age wouldn't understand. >> reporter: she says eventually she had an encounter with him that would haunt her to this day. >> just started calling me, almost every night. and then said, "i would love to see you." wanted me to sneak out and meet up with him. >> and you write, "one night he comes over." and you meet him out in his car. what happens? >> once we got in the car, he kissed me. and then, all of a sudden, there

was headlights, and it was my parents. and then they started chasing our car. we got away, then i came back home. acted like it never happened. >> you forthrightly write in the book, "for 25 years, i framed this as my first kiss." but when you look back on it now, what do you think of it as? >> i see it as a man grooming a child. >> reporter: paris says she became a rebellious teen, a risk-taker, partying, skipping school. eventually, her parents, kathy and rick hilton, sent her to multiple so-called emotional growth schools for troubled teens. >> before i went to provo canyon school, i was such a free spirit. they stole my childhood. provo canyon school is the worst experience of my entire life. i can't believe that place is even still open and that they're operating. >> what do you remember from

provo? >> throwing us against walls. strangling, hitting. >> you talk about having, later, a lingering fear of gynecologists because of some of the stuff that you endured? what was going on? >> late at night, they would take certain girls into a room and do cervical exams with male and female staff. and it was not something that was with a doctor. these were just them doing this late at night to girls. >> did that happen to you? >> yes. >> invasive searches and stuff? >> yes. i think that was just another way for them to have that power over us. and also, i think a lot of them enjoyed it. >> you said they would watch you showering? >> yes, male and female staff would watch the girls shower.

>> reporter: paris recently posted these photos to instagram, showing her just after leaving those schools when she turned 18, writing, "i can see the pain in my eyes. i was so traumatized that i pretended everything was okay, trying to block out the painful memories." when abc news reached out for comment on paris hilton's accusations, it replied with a media statement which says in part, "provo canyon school was sold by its previous ownership in august 2000, we therefore cannot comment on the operations or student experience prior to that time." it goes on to add, "we do not condone or promote any form of abuse." she believes her traumatic experiences ultimately drew her into toxic relationships, including with a man more than ten years her senior, which ultimately led to that notorious sex tape. it didn't even occur to me that you were 19, you were a teenager when that sex tape was made. what was the dynamic of that relationship like?

>> i was obviously not in a good head space. and i think i just met the worst person that i could meet. and then to be exploited like that, where the media was so cruel to me. i was so -- just embarrassed. hurt. mortified. >> reporter: three years after it was filmed, the video was released and made its way around the world. it became fodder for tabloids and talk shows. >> i do believe that we have evolved as a society, and now we're understanding that this was a huge violation of privacy. >> in what way do you think you're taking back the narrative on this? >> i feel that my narrative and story for the past two decades has been told by the media. and with this book, it's a chance for me to take back my own narrative and tell the truth.

>> reporter: paris has gone on to become an advocate, dedicating herself to exposing what she calls the troubled teen industry. >> imagine if it was your child who was suffering abuse, neglect, or death in the name of treatment. wouldn't you do everything in your power to protect them? >> reporter: working to change laws across the country. >> being here, and i hear you may have a bipartisan bill now? >> reporter: testifying to utah legislators. >> i am proof that money doesn't protect against abuse. it's been the most empowering time of my life, really turning my pain into a purpose. and having this mission. and i feel that it will make it all worth it, everything i went through, if i can stop it from happening to other children.

>> reporter: the paris sitting here today at 42 is living life on her own terms.she's now marrd one of the highest-paid deejays in the world. in the moment, what are you feeling? >> it's such a magical feeling. i just feel empowered, i feel excited, and i feel safe up there, as well. >> what would you tell young women today and that young paris? >> i would tell her that you're going to go through a lot in life, but one day, you're going to take everything that you've learned and use it for the power of good, to help others. >> our thanks to juju. and in this week's episode of "impact by nightline," paris hilton also shares a deeply personal story she has never spoken about publicly until now. >> even my family knew about it. it was just something that i was

feeling shameful for and guilty about. >> the full interview, "paris hilton in her own words," drops this thursday on hulu. coming up, uvalde moms. how a gut-wrenching tragedy united four women. eart of historic cities and unforgettable scenery with viking. unpack once and get closer to iconic landmarks, local life and cultural treasures. because when you experience europe on a viking longship, you'll spend less time getting there and more time being there. viking. exploring the world in comfort. ♪ ♪

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♪ ♪ the world watched in horror after a gunman opened fire at robb elementary in may of last year. out of that tragedy, four women forged an unbreakable bond, opening up tonight about their heartbreak and their friendship.

here's abc's maria elena salinas. >> how would you describe this relationship that you have? >> reporter: a rare moment of laughter between this group of friends. >> i think it's a beautiful relationship, of course, and it's bittersweet. i wish we would have had this relationship before may 24th. but i don't know how i would be getting through any of these days without them. >> reporter: a relationship born from unimaginable tragedy. their daughters were all killed at robb elementary in uvalde, texas, last may. as they work through their collective grief, they find comfort in each other. >> there's a lot of times that we feel alone. even if there's 100 people in the room, you still feel alone. but i don't feel that when i'm with them. >> reporter: for the first time, these moms are talking to abc news about their bond. >> i have to say, i was really looking forward to this point of the day. >> reporter: on days when it feels like there is little to look forward to -- >> it's really neat. the little tentacles.

it's a heart. >> reporter: they find strength in moments like these. >> she just looks at peace. >> peaceful. >> yeah, like, "i'm waiting for you, mom." >> reporter: we visited their daughters' murals that were painted by texas artists around the town square shortly after the tragedy. >> she hated it, but she always had her hair like that, behind her ear. it's where your attention goes, like, "that's jackie." >> reporter: picking up on a friendship their daughters started, a connection they say their girls knew they needed. >> of course, houston astros, she loved them. >> reporter: her daughter tess loved to play softball. >> the "t" is that bracelet she's wearing. right here. that's the one that i usually wear. >> reporter: and anna rodriguez's daughter wanted to be a marine biologist. kimberly rubio's daughter lexi dreamed of being a lawyer. >> i told him kind of what my vision was. when he came and brought me

this, i was crying. >> reporter: gloria cazares' daughter jackie wanted to visit texas. >> i love you to the moon and back, that's what we always said. >> i love the murals. the murals are my favorite part. if i have to go somewhere, it's the murals. there's a little bit of joy, right? they're beautiful. >> reporter: in each other, they say they've found a deep understanding. is there a word you would describe this type of a relationship? >> i think it's a club. >> a club? >> it's a club. unfortunately, it's not a club anybody wants to be a part of. but it's our club now. we work with what we have. >> do you ever feel like you feel more comfortable talking to them than even your own family? >> oh, definitely. outside of my husband and children, these are the only people i talk to about this. >> how about the rest of you? >> my family is completely understanding. they've supported me 100%. however, they have not lost a child. i've had kim message me out of the blue, "thinking of you, i

love you." she has no idea how much that helped me. >> reporter: finding someone who understands is not easy. and while some of the moms have started therapy, an analysis by the cdc shows that latinos are less likely to seek help. 19 of the 21 victims here were mexican american. sometimes from the outside, we have this desire to tell someone who's going through what you've gone through, "i feel your pain." but then, can anybody feel your pain? other than you? >> you don't want somebody to fix it, you just want someone to listen. if you were to speak to a family member, they want to fix it. you can't fix this. i think that is where i reach to y'all because i just want to be heard, i just want someone who understands. only these women understand. >> yeah, it's like an unspoken connection. >> i feel that connection with them because of the girls. and i feel like, if i don't talk to them, like, i'm -- i'm

missing a part of tess, i guess. >> reporter: they spent countless hours together demanding justice for their daughters. it's here that they've also met other members of that growing club. families of victims from other shootings around the country. >> looking at their future, which has always been very jarring for me, because you realize in that moment that it never gets better. because these women are so broken. it could be 10, 20 years later. >> they don't lie to you either. you know, i say it myself, i just met or just saw one this past weekend, and she's like, "i'm not going to lie, it's not going to get better, it's going to get harder." >> reporter: as the days pass, they say they learn to trust each other. >> i know i can say and be myself around them. and it's okay. it's okay. we're not getting judged if we're smiling, if we're

laughing. it's okay. it's okay with them. >> when we're in the outside world, you feel judged, you feel guilty. we feel guilty already. for everything that we do. >> you feel guilty. why? >> she's not here, our kids aren't here, they don't get to enjoy what they used to enjoy. >> when you say you feel guilty, that's where i feel guilty. how am i laughing so hard at something? why am i happy and she's not here? but i'm happy in this moment, i'm happy. >> the new happy. >> yeah. so we're never happy, but it's just like -- >> the new happy. >> yeah, this is the new happy. >> reporter: while their lives are forever changed, these moms are grateful that they've found each other. where do you see your relationship going? >> it's going to be a lifelong relationship that we're always going to have, because we all have that one common denominator. >> sometimes i like to think that it's the relationship our

children would have had. >> yeah. >> as we sit here, i think, lexi's here, jackie's here. tes is here. you know. it's just a weird thought, but it's one of those weird thoughts i hope you guys have. >> finding comfort together. our thanks to maria elena. we'll be right back. okay, well that too. so, we switched to bargain detergent, but we ended up using three times as much and the clothes still weren't as clean as with tide. so we're back to tide. they're cuter in clean clothes. mhm. they are. thanks honey. you suck at folding. oh, i know. do 3x the laundry and get a tide clean. it's got to be tide. wondering what actually goes into your multivitamin? at new chapter, do 3x the laundry and get a tide clean. its' innovation, organic ingredients, and fermentation. fermentation?

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♪ finally tonight, have you heard the one about the two boaters in california and the dolphins? it starts like this.

>> man, that would be dope if it jumped over. oh! >> and the dolphins appearing on cue. >> he was listening to us! >> getting up close and personal, swimming alongside their boat. this one seems to lead the way. a close encounter between two dolphins and two boaters at dana point, california. that's "nightline." you can watch all of our full episodes on hulu. we'll see you right back here at the same time tomorrow. thanks for staying up with us. good night, america.