tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 4, 2023 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
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for sandhya patel and all of us, we appreciate your time. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, jeff goldblum, teyana taylor and music from jeff goldblum and the mildred snitzer orchestra with cleto & the cletones. and now,jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! thank you for coming! i'm the host of the show thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here in los angeles. i don't know if you saw this yesterday we had an unexpected visit from a tornado. a real -- the strongest tornado we've had in 40 years here hit
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montebello 110-mile-an-hour winds. chihuahuas were flying all over town. this previous got absolutely -- why are tornado so dirty? we have filthy tornadoes now. and that's after it rained for three weeks, but the last twister of any magnitude to hit los angeles was in 1996. fortunately, bill paxton and helen hunt were around back then. this one, our meteorologists they didn't know how to describe it, they were like, it's a big out-of-control soulcycle class in the sky. the sweet 16 round of the ncaa men's basketball tournament is underway right now. earlier tonight ucla bruins squared off against the bulldogs of gonzaga, which i have pointed out numerous times is not a place. this is a scene on the gonzaga alumni bus today. they said it was their best turnout yet. but up in spokane, spokane washington, you do have to hand
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to them, they are really committed to this fairy tale. i don't know why -- they have a whole website if you go on the page, it says there will be times during your visit when you are in a large group of people. [laughter] you will undoubtedly see other human students at this definitely-real place. you know what else they say they have up in spokane? bigfoot. gonzaga is the bigfoot of universities. and congress does nothing about it. the focus in congress today was on tiktok, of all things. lawmakers from both sides seem to be headed towards banning tiktok in the united states, and for those of you who don't know it's an app that lets you watch videos similar to what you're doing right now, only instead of a long, horizontal video, they go longways like this and then half of the video is footage of somebody carving soap, for reasons why i don't know and are also buttons and filters with
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hearts and stuff that can turn you into a dog or they can even turn you into a lion if you want and there's text that describes what you're watching while you're watching it. and then you throw in some random people talking into tiny microphones. you know, who knows what -- and then finally there is a comment section asking what your feet look like in the president of china watches every second of this. he's just watching, and one day he's going to use it against us. that's tiktok for you. [cheers and applause] tiktok is owned -- the parent company is a company bytedance. the fear is that the chinese government could order bytedance to turn over all the information it has on us at any time and of china figures out how to make spaghetti on a countertop, they will be unstoppable. the chinese, by the way, don't allow any of our social media platforms in their country. in fact, they don't even allow tiktok in their country.
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they have a sanitized version of tiktok, so the house energy and commerce committee ordered the ceo of bytedance to appear to try to convince them that tiktok is not a threat to our national security. >> thank you, madam chair, for the opportunity to speak. i like to begin by assuring the committee that bytedance is not an agent of china or any other country. we have always been working transparently and cooperatively with the u.s. government while addressing concerns about privacy. we look forward to partnering with the committee developing clear and concise rules. >> damn, he ate that! [laughter] >> jimmy: so i don't know, he seems like a fun guy, but i don't think they were convinced. in the meantime, the clock is ticking on donald trump. his lawyers have reportedly told
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him that if he gets indicted in new york, he should be prepared to lose the case, which means he will spend the next three years claiming he won the case. we are now on day three of "to catch a president." he said he will be arrested on tuesday. the grand jury was out again today and will not reconvene until next week. so he is not -- nothing is going to happen until next week, but make no mistake, he is all capsing in his pants. he demanded the removal of every top official investigating him special counsel jack smith, the atlanta district attorney, the attorney general tisha james. he lashed out at the manhattan d.a. alvin bragg. he asked why won't he drop this case, everybody says there is no crime here. no, not true at all. i did nothing wrong, it was all made up by a convicted nut job with zero credibility -- by the way, this convicted not job with zero credibility is his former lawyer, fixer, and closest confidant for more than ten years, michael cohen, who
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was only convicted because he did something illegal for donald trump and then trump said alvin bragg was an animal who's doing the work of the devil. he said it like the gestapo even posted a photo from self wielding a baseball bat next to a photo of alvin bragg but i have to say i love the idea that a guy named bragg might send him to jail. the thing he loves to do most could send him up the river and then he wrote everyone knows i'm 100% in this, including bragg but he doesn't care, he's just carrying out the plans of the radical left lunatics. our country's being destroyed destroyed as they tell us peaceful, obviously trying to get his fans riled up enough to do something like they did on january 6. this guy really thinks the country is going to fight a civil war over him because of his little golf course porno boner party he had a while back. he's also using this to raise money. since he announced his imminent
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arrest on saturday, his campaign has raked in more than $1.5 million in donations, which is a lot -- $1.5 million, that's almost enough to -- i don't know, 12 more porn stars you could pay off. his chief republican rival governor ron desantis, is busy waging a culture war in florida. remember the "don't say gay" law they passed that bans the teachers them talk about gender or sexual orientation with kids from kindergarten through third grade? now they want to expand that through high school. you know how far -- did you know florida has high schools? they do. but not every politician in the state are working one dumb stuff. some of them are working on even stupider stuff. >> waves in opposition. pamela burch, florida state conference of naacp branches waves in opposition. anita dick. waves in opposition.
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holden hiscox. waves in opposition. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i always figured holding would be "for." a good show tonight, from the excellent new movie "a thousand and one," teyana taylor is here with us. and also we have jeff goldblum. he's done a thousand movies including "jurassic park," so who better to teach a group of children about dinosaurs? nobody, right? with that said, this is what happens when jeff goldblum leads a field trip to the national history museum of los angeles. ♪ ♪ >> have you ever been to this museum before? >> yeah. >> you have and you have? i love it.
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i spent a lot of time around dinosaurs. let's talk about dinosaurs. if you could bring dinosaurs back, because they are not here you know, we have bones, except in the flintstones, you ever see the flintstones? >> i one and there was a dinosaur. >> and there's dinosaurs and people at the same time. it's a cartoon, there were never people and dinosaurs. anybody knows of theme song to the flintstones? it goes ♪ flintstones, meet the flintstones ♪ ♪ -- its rhythm changes. its rhythm changes. and i tell you some jokes and i don't know, it may have been written down me and i have not read them. i'm reading them to you cold. listen to this. why did a dinosaur cross the road? >> to go find some prey? >> he didn't cross the road because in the paleolithic era there were... no... no roads. ♪ ♪
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may i introduce you now to dr. nathan smith, the paleontologist here at the natural -- natural history museum, that's where we are right. >> i wanted to know what was the biggest dinosaur tooth and what dinosaur owned it. >> some of these teeth that i brought right here belong to a dinosaur you're all familiar with, tyrannosaurus rex. >> i'm no dentist but i would think that that's the root that goes up into the gum, right? you know, like my tooth -- by the way, i've never had cavity or filling, true or false? >> false. >> true. i've never -- [laughter] >> i know two things about dinosaurs. >> you know two things, what's the first one? >> the first one is that dinosaurs have feelings. >> they have feelings! yes. >> and my second one is that they eat people because they have meat in their body.
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>> they have meat in their body. who? >> people. >> and they eat people because people are made of meat. yes, yes, yes. >> so i learned that some carnivores, they swallow the food and then swallow pebbles to break it down. >> we should chew our food how many times? 30 times, each bite, 40 times or 50 times? >> i'm going to go 30 but that seems high. >> 30. that's not high. >> i like to say 50. turn it into a smoothie, don't choke. you got to chew it up. listen, here are pictures of dinosaurs. what is this? not you. >> triceratops. >> if i were a triceratops, what would my name be? look at the horns. cliff gorman. cliff gorman, he played lenny on broadway. what's on my sweater? >> a t-rex! >> i think you're right. what old-time painter was known for painting women with very
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long necks? modigliani. [laughter] what's this? >> triceratops. you showed us that! >> did i? if dinosaurs were here and if there was a t-rex, you know which one that is, and if it were to come here close to us what would you do to avoid getting eaten? your hand went up first. >> i watched the first "jurassic park" movie and i learned that if you stay still a t-rex can't see you. >> yes, that's what they said, so that's what you would do. yes, what would you -- >> well, actually -- [screaming] >> not moving a muscle, i think he can't see you! okay, okay. >> go, go, go!
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♪ ♪ [laughter] >> point of interest, one day hopefully not too soon, my bones are going to be displayed here on this wall. that's what i wrote in my -- >> why would they display your bones? >> well... well -- i wrote it -- they may not comply but i wished for it in my will. ♪ ♪ guess what part of the museum this is? >> gift shop! >> gift shop. listen. here's an offer for a gift and a real gift for all of you. if you can grab as much as you can grab under one minute starting when i say so, you can have it. it's all on me, are you ready? and... go! very good.
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: we are going to take a break, and we will be right back with jeff goldblum! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [ upbeat music ] ♪ do your thing ♪ ♪ i said, do your thing ♪ ♪ come on now ♪ ♪ let's roll now, let it all out ♪ ♪ do your thing ♪ ♪ do your thing ♪ ♪ just do your thing ♪ easter fun made easy. that's totally target.
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braun, cousin greg. ted lasso, comedian ali wong and teen heartthrob jason bateman music from the war and treaty chloe, stray kids, and daniel cesar too, so please join us for that. our first guest tonight is a remarkable and unmistakable man. he's a terrific actor and musician too. his newest ep with the mildred snitzer orchestra is called "plays well with others," say hello to jazzy jeff goldblum! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm very good, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm doing great. thank you for taking our staff members children to the dinosaur museum, you give them a day of
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rest. it's nice. >> i ran into one of the moms backstage. it was memorab. i love those kids. >> jimmy: what did you, just take your ring off? >> you are like a sherlock holmes. you are so observant, you could do police work, couldn't you of some kind. i just slipped that off. >> jimmy: if i was a psychiatrist i would say that means you want to marry me. you suddenly removed your wedding ring in my presence. i mean, there's got to be something to that. >> is that the only analysis of that? >> jimmy: that's it, that's the only one. >> my wife is backstage. >> jimmy: say goodbye to her now. i have not met your wife but i do see you every once in a while. i actually look for you every day as i'm driving by your house on the way to work. i just take a little extra look to see if you're there. >> is that true? every time i come out of my garage i look to see if you're there. [laughter] >> jimmy: you have a very neat garage, which is impressive. very neat.
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>> thank you very much, yes. that door goes up and you see -- i don't know what your garage looks like but i was talking to somebody, i got a proclivity i think is the word for organization, order, and neatness. i'm not a freak about it i would say but i've always wanted to tidy up. and our garage, because i know that can be a place of accumulation. >> jimmy: yes, it is, in my place. >> now that we've got a couple of kids, five and a 7-year-old you know -- but so far the garage has been -- >> jimmy: it's impressive. >> pristine. >> jimmy: kind of like your teeth, you said you've never had a cavity in your whole life. >> no. no, no, nor has my wife. >> jimmy: wow! is that how you met? [laughter] >> yes, at a no-cavity convention. no, we met at the gym on sunset boulevard, the equinox. ever go there? >> jimmy: no! look at me! [laughs] >> fantastic. i noticed your ring, she wears something with that, that tells you how you're sleeping, how
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much stuff you got, how is that thing? she swears by it. >> it's fun. >> i am obsessed with sleep. and you must be too to be so productive day after day. for me to do that, i need -- >> jimmy: how much sleep do you get every night? seven hours, that's your number? eight hours. >> how is your eyesight? how many fingers am i holding up now? >> jimmy: 11? i don't know, how many are there. you get eight hours of sleep. how old are your sons? >> they are five and seven. >> jimmy: and they don't come barging in at 6:00 and wake you up? mine does. every morning, he squirrels his way in there. usually naked for no reason. >> yeah, mine are naked a lot too. it's very delightful, i know and you love it when they come in. >> jimmy: i would like them to come in an hour later, but yeah. >> so does mama, so does emily she's like sleep, go back to sleep, i'm still sleeping. >> jimmy: they never go back
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to sleep. >> no. no, they like to be up. >> jimmy: have they seen the jurassic park movies with you in them? >> yeah. we have denied them mostly screen time completely, our phones, except they really want to -- they really want to do everything and we took them to a couple of movies. i showed them the original from '93 at home. there were a little scared but they liked it a lot. and then this last one came out in the theater and for the first time -- i've never taken them to a movie in a movie theater. but we took them to movie theater. i think it was imax, it was just out, so we took them to that movie. >> jimmy: do they think you know dinosaurs now? i mean, are they confused about the fact that it's not real? >> interesting question. [laughter] their little minds, as you know are vast and mysterious. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> moment to moment, day-to-day what are they thinking, what do they know?
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no idea, and people stop me and they go yes, what do you do -- i bring them on the sets, i was just on the set of "wicked," i'm not supposed to talk about that. it's been out and about so they were there in london, we were shooting and they were there when we were shooting "jurassicw them building and painting the dinosaurs and saw me acting with them. i don't know what they think. >> jimmy: i mean, what was there -- dad is with dinosaurs and a witch, two witches. one of them is good, one of them is not. >> i don't know -- because we showed them "wizard of oz," one of my favorite movies. it was too scary for them. >> jimmy: that movie still scares me, something about that movie that strikes a cord of fear in me. >> me too. we too. >> jimmy: the witch is terrifying. terrifying. >> you should see our witches cynthia and ariana grande. i shouldn't talk about it but i was shooting one day. [laughter]
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and i found myself tearing up in fear, you know, childhood fear came back to me and i told cynthia, i said you know i'm remembering my first dream that i ever had my first dream was that i was tied to a tree stump and a witch, because i had seen "snow white" also with a very scary queen, witch. had tied me to this tree stump and i thought was going to chop off my head, i must've been four or something like that she went "peaches... peaches..." and i had two older brothers we shared a bedroom from then on the next couple of weeks whenever the lights would go on they would go "peaches" to try to torment me. i showed them that movie and we didn't get through. charlie especially, the older one, believe it or not, when the head and the fire, he said that's enough. >> jimmy: i remember every easter sunday they used to show it on television and we would sit there and watch it. it was like when is jesus coming back! this is terrifying! >> the do stories -- the two
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stories intersect in a lot of ways. >> jimmy: talk about your record under special guest star that you will be performing with the night. jeff goldblum is here, we will be right back! [cheers and applause] your paint is really bad. what? i said, "best coffee i've ever had." (slurps) are you okay? mom, the walls look awful. what? i said, "can i have a waffle?" waffle... waff... waffle. thank you. should've used behr. sorry, sign where? no, i said, "should've used behr. it's got one-coat hide." today let's paint with behr marquee, the #1 rated interior paint. it looks great in here! behr. exclusively at the home depot.
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in las vegas, the most popular food is broccoli. ranked #1 in customer satisfaction with yeah, that's the only food. they have broccoli smoothies, and broccoli pancakes, and broccoli ice cream, and broccoli hotdogs, and of course, they have raw unseasoned broccoli..... with stems. -daddy, i don't want to go to las vegas with you and mommy tomorrow. oh, are you sure? are you sure you don't want to go, it will be so much fun! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: we are back the great jeff goldblum! he's got a band, the mildred snitzer orchestra you're going to be playing tonight with freda payne, one of my favorite singers. >> mine too! the great freda payne. i remember when that song was on
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te radio. >> jimmy: it's a great song. >> it's a great song and if you have seen recently, i looked up her singing it in 1971, amazing. she has reached her -- she is in full blossom in my humble opinion, at her best self. wait until you hear us sing this song with her. >> jimmy: who else is on the album with you singingwise? >> well, kelly clarkson. >> jimmy: kelly clarkson is on the album? how did you get kelly clarkson to do that? >> i will tell you exactly. we had kind of cooked up this idea and aspiration, you know who would be good singing the song and here's the song she should sing. i, shortly after that, went on her show, the last time i was on, promoting "jurassic world" and it just popped out of my mouth, i said hey kelly, you would never consider you know, singing a song with us? we have the song that might be right for you. you know that -- don't fence me in, you know that song.
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she said okay, yeah. and i thought well, you know this is taped like do and she will cut that out, but sure enough it was on the show and then we kind of kept pursuing it and then she did it so i put her on the spot. [applause] that's why i'm asking right now. >> jimmy: you wouldn't love it, but i would -- you would cut that out is what will wind up hppening. >> which a favorite song? what do you imagine yourself singing? >> jimmy: oh, boy, -- i was in the jazz band in high school. >> i did not know that. >> jimmy: i play the bass clarinet in the jazz band. only bass clarinetist and adjustment. >> my brother played clarinet. do you still play? >> jimmy: every once in a while. >> i love to hear you play. >> jimmy: i'm like a tenth grade level. tenth grade. >> that's the perfect thing. you would sing too? >> jimmy: i wouldn't really sing with the band. we did like "on the street where you live," good jazzy song. >> ♪ i have often walked ♪ ♪ down the street before ♪ >> jimmy: that's the one.
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>> ♪ but the pavement always stayed ♪ ♪ beneath my feet before ♪ >> jimmy: these guys know it. cleto is in the band with me, too. >> ♪ all at once am i ♪ ♪ several stories high ♪ jimmy kimmel. et cetera, et cetera, very good. >> jimmy: yeah. that's the one, yeah. [cheers and applause] i think you sing it better than me. when people go see you in concert, are you playing old-time -- the whole time or do you talk and tell stories? >> i don't plan it. what we do is if this were a gig, we'd play a little and then i will say -- and then john master would hand me -- our bandmaster and he does this whatever you call this, he would hand me a piece of paper and i haven't seen it before and it would go here's a quiz to play with the audience and i cold read that quiz and we -- a lubricants the conversation initiates the conversation. >> jimmy: is there a surprise -- a prize? you give them a quiz question that you would give them typically? >> for instance, i like to play this game, the movie game, name an actor or an actress and then remind me, i want to tell you about
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another word think will interest you. but name and actress or an actor or a -- the title of the movie go ahead, i will show you how it works. >> jimmy: okay. >> "the graduate," now we have to name and actor and actress. >> jimmy: dustin hoffman. >> name a movie that he's done. >> "tootsie," that brings us to geena davis, the fly jeff goldblum. [applause] so we do that and then i play piano. the kind of show. >> jimmy: very kevin baconnesque. what about him, how would you connect yourself to him? >> well, kevin bacon, let me see. the point of the game is not connecting myself to anybody. >> jimmy: i thought it was. >> you may have gotten the wrong idea. kevin bacon, well, takes us to jfk, he was in. takes us to kevin costner, takes us to "silverado," takes us to
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jeff goldblum. [applause] >> jimmy: that's fun. is it true that you studied mime as a young man? >> i did. when i first started to act tere was a mime teacher and i fell in love with the acting and mime because it hadn't fallen on cultural hard times yet. there was no this at the mall and all that stuff, there was marcel marceau, whose hundred birthday was yesterday. >> jimmy: saw that on google! >> i saw him live in concert. very high art, the way he practiced it and we were encouraged see this movie, if you haven't seen it, called "children of paradise." there's an actor who does fantastic mime in it, you will really like it. i lived through the -- so all of that. but i loved mime. i thought instead of going to new york and be an actor, i'm going to go to france and study and just apprentice for 20 years
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and learn how to -- i can still wiggle one year at a time. look. >> jimmy: that's part of what you learned? >> i know how to control every aspect of my body. >> jimmy: can you do a little bit of it? >> yeah. let me see. here, i will do this. [cheers and applause] that was a snippet. i know nothing. for instance, if i was pulling this thread, you're not supposed to talk cometh like charades. i'm pulling the thread and it's getting -- it's getting heavier it's getting happy -- oh, it's pulling me there. there you go. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i had to see it. you're going to go get ready, go get the band, do a little sound check and you're going to play some music. >> i can't thank you enough this is a full meal. we will be playing "lazy afternoon," arranged by our great guitar player. >> jimmy: "plays well with others" is out now. we will be back with teyana
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[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: jeff goldblum and the mildred snitzer orchestra's on the way, next guest is an actor, dancer, singer choreographer who's worked besides beyonce, jay-z eddie murphy, her new movie is called "a thousand and one." >> you used to like when i got spicy. try and be quiet. you should try and be quiet right? quiet like when you went missing for weeks and i sat here and said nothing and never mind who you was with. if i get any more quieter i won't even have a voice at all. it's really easy for you to say because you get to be the saint right? >> jimmy: "a thousand and one" opens in theaters a week from friday, please say hello to teyana taylor! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
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it's great to have you here! boy, you are just great in this movie. what a great movie it is too. not only are you, everybody is great in it. >> thank you, yes, it's an amazing cast. >> jimmy: i really was knocked out by the film, it is so well done. who is the director of this movie? >> a.b. rockwell. >> jimmy: well, she did a great job that was really something else. i mentioned you work with these people, it's crazy because this movie is -- you know, it's not a dance movie. this is not electric boogaloo this is a fairly heavy film in new york, where you are from, i know. what did you do with beyonce? you danced in one of her videos from is that -- or you taught her to dance or something? >> no, no, i taught her a dance that she wanted to learn, but you know, me being a harlem girl, i was supposed teacher one thing, i had one job, you guys just one job and i went in there and threw in a whole bunch more other stuff.
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i'm a hustler. >> jimmy: what other stuff did you do? >> she originally wanted to learn the chicken noodle soup so i -- >> this is the dance? >> it was like a popular harlem dance. i would be battling everybody you know, and she wanted to learn, so they called me and i was like 15 years old, hop off the bed with my skateboard mode went down there, yes. that's actually on set. >> jimmy: how did they know it 15 years old you would be the one to teach beyonce the chicken noodle soup? >> i didn't even know i would have that opportunity. i popped out of bed like hold on. >> jimmy: [laughs] [cheers and applause] >> i was ready, you know? so i was like, you know -- i was like all right, i'm going to teach one thing and about to turn it into another. >> jimmy: was jay-z there where they married at this time? >> they were married at that time. he was not on that set but beyonce wanted to plug me into being one of his videos. >> jimmy: one of his videos wow. she said you've got to but this -- >> she was like a proud arms
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she was like i told you she was a superstar, that's what she was telling him. >> jimmy: is that right? wait until she sees this movie! did jay-z agree that you are a superstar? >> he did but first he tried to give me a hard time, because he was testing me. i was signed with pharrell at the time, and he's like this is our newest superstar. like -- like she ain't no superstar. and i said what's up, i'm teyana taylor and i'm -- but i was super young and he's like okay maybe she is a superstar. because i didn't fold and i think that,ou know, people like to test you. >> jimmy: superstars don't fold. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you are -- in case people don't know, your husband's former nba player iman shumpert. here you are playing basketball with justin bieber. because you really look -- i mean, you both look very serious there. are you guarding justin here in this? >> yeah. i was on his ass. >> jimmy: and he's pretty
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good, right? i seen him play. >> it's crazy is that's why i was doing all that. he had came to atlanta. he was kind of showing off because he knew he was good. i said oh, yeah? all right, we not doing that -- but that was the picture on the very moment that my husband fell in love with me. he's like who is that girl? her defense is on point. he was a defensive player, so you know -- >> jimmy: wow. >> he fell in love with the kid. my defense was on point. [applause] >> jimmy: was it his defense that made you fall in love with him? >> you know what's crazy is it took me like three years to ever even like finally give in. even though he was feeling me this day, he didn't get me that day. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: you're too fast it looks like. [laughs] >> couldn't catch me. >> jimmy: three years before you guys dated. >> before i let him hit. [applause] >> jimmy: what did you do? was it just that he wore you
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down? how did it finally work out? >> when he finally got me he wore me down. >> jimmy: that's not what i meant but i love to hear about that too. [laughter] >> no, so i was actually in a relationship at the time and i remember -- so he seen me earlier that day and later on the day i had to put on a dress some heels and i couldn't even walk in heels so i wanted to sit on a bar chilling because my feet was hurting. he walked up to me and he was like you should -- you need me. and i said you was doing too much, calm down, back off. so from that day i was a little bit scared of him, of like he got a lot going on, but he was a rookie, had just got drafted, so he was feeling it, he had on a v-neck. he hate v-necks, i hate them too. >> jimmy: [laughs] >> but yeah, since then he just
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kept kind of trying and trying and trying and then later on down the line i was dealing with a breakup and he was dealing with a breakup and he had got injured and, you know, we just kind of became friends and he was okay with the fact that i'm probably just never going to get that so going to settle for friends, but there's always a "but," you guys. i had a styling company and i wanted to shoot them, and he was like my first client, give me my first chance or whatever and there was one time he had to take off his shirt. girl... he was just my friend and my sister simon was like he cute, i see that, you got chemistry. i said that's just my friend. baby. he took off that shirt and i was just -- i had to clutch my pearls. >> jimmy: [laughs] >> and i started looking at them completely different. of course i already loved him as a friend of his personality but when i seen that, i was just like, you know, let's maybe revisit -- remember when i was
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guarding justin bieber? remember that day? yeah, and we just kind of reminisced and honestly we fell inlove, he's amazing. >> jimmy: that's great, well congratulations on your love and on the movie and all this stuff. the movie, you got 100% fresh on rotten tomatoes, did you know that? >> that's a big deal. i screenshot that because rotten tomatoes don't play. they don't play, they don't care who it is, what it is. >> jimmy: i've always said that, they don't play. >> for real, like 7% rotten tomatoes, so to see 100% i was like wow -- i read everything overview. they said don't read the reviews and what did i do? >> jimmy: [laughs] >> every time i only got one job i wanted to -- >> jimmy: when you get 100% you can read all the reviews. it's great to have you here! the movie is called "a thousand and one" and opens in theaters march 31st. if teyana taylor, everybody, we will be right back with jeff goldblum! [cheers and applause] >> the "jimmy kimmel live!"
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mercedes-benz, the all electric mercedes-benz lineup is here. >> jimmy: thanks to teyana taylor, apologies to matt damon. their ep, "plays well with others" is out now, here with the song "lazy afternoon arranged by john, jeff goldblum and the mildred snitzer orchestra! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ it's a lazy afternoon ♪ ♪ and the beetle bugs are zooming ♪ ♪ and the tulip trees are blooming ♪ ♪ and there's not another human in view ♪ ♪ but us two ♪ ♪ it's a lazy afternoon ♪
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♪ and the farmer leaves his reaping ♪ ♪ and the meadow cows are sleeping ♪ ♪ and there's not another human in view ♪ ♪ but us two ♪ ♪ afar pink cloud hangs over the hill ♪ ♪ unfolding like a rose ♪ ♪ if you hold my hand and sit real still ♪ ♪ we can hear the grass as it grows ♪ ♪ it's a hazy afternoon ♪ ♪ and i know a place that's quiet ♪ ♪ except for daisies running riot ♪
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♪ ♪ >> which of the corleone children finally became the godfather? was it sunny, freto, or was it michael? or was it connie? >> michael? >> exactly right. it was michael, just like you michael. join in with me if you know it. ready? ♪ oh isis and osiris ♪ ♪ guide them close ♪ ♪ do you know what a chia pet is? it's a nice kind of thing and you put seeds in it and it grows hair. i have seeds in my oatmeal this morning.
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i like them. >> juju: this is an island. tonight, from strangers. >> he has worked his entire career. to avoid a day like today. >> juju: the first american president ever charged with a crime. >> this opens the door to pursue charges against presidents and that is a big deal. and fingerprinted before cleat pleading not guilty to 34 felonies in an alleged catch and kill scheme. with the district attorney said about why he is bringing the charges now. >> we cannot and will not normalize serious criminal conduct. >> juju: as the former president response at mar-a-lago after his historic day in court. >> is fake case was
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