tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 20, 2023 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
11:35 pm
11:36 pm
boygenius with cleto and the cletones! and now, jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome! thank you! we are so glad you are here watching, thank you for joining us. see what we've got going on he here. today is a very holy day, it is a high holy day for cannabis lovers here and around the world, it's 4/20 today, also known as whatever you call it, this is the holiday where parents leave milk and cookies out for themselves. i smelled -- haven't smelled so
11:37 pm
much weed out on hollywood boulevard since yesterday. every day is 4/20 here. the origin goes back to a group of high school students up in marin county who called themselves the waldos, they would meet at a statue near their school in the early '70s to smoke joints at 4:20:00 p.m. they were supposed to meet at 3:20, but you know how that goes. and somehow this got around and now -- some people think for 20 is bob marley's birthday. it's not. it is his sons birthday. bob marley had a lot of sons so the odds on that were really actually good. it has been interesting over the last 20 years to watch the media, specifically the news media go from never ever even mentioned in pot and less a bale of it washed up on the beach to just absolutely giggling and giddy and up about it on four 4/20. because it is cannabis christmas for weed lovers. >> 4/20, that's when you toke up. speak okay, so puff puff pass. to go the first 4/20 in missouri
11:38 pm
since the state legalized recreational marijuana. >> kind of giddy about this. >> it's all about getting high today, right? >> we all know what today is on the calendar, so there's no beating around the kush. >> just about taking it easy. >> let's talk about weed. >> you mean marijuana? lighting up for a dance with mary jane. >> those brownies, where are you at? >> chronic. thank. >> the sticky icky. >> the doubles lettuce. >> 4/20. >> 4/20. >> 4/20, we are allowed to talk about the weed, we aren't allowed to mention it's hitler's birthday. >> jimmy: how disappointing. but that's true, it has. [applause] it is also hitler's birthday, national marijuana day and hitler's birthday. a day celebrated by the most and least chill people in the world.
11:39 pm
some reporters even ventured out in the field for 4/20 including charlie langton of fox 2 news in detroit who followed this report from the parking lot outside the detroit herbal center. >> we are here on wyoming and linton, west side of detroit at the detroit herbal center very >> right, right. so what was that last question? >> where you guys going after this? >> the bus driver. okay. >> jackpot! so it's a jackpot here. >> jimmy: a little news person finding a guy named jackpot is indeed a jackpot. and with jackpot as his side, a tv interview suddenly became the interviewee. >> do you partake met >> sometimes, sometimes. this is live television over here, my is watching his! >> i hear you asking questions. >> jimmy: of these are good questions and they only got better from there. >> do you think we -- pay
11:40 pm
attention. do you think we'd is becoming more acceptable now in mainstream? >> it is really been acceptable and you know, it's just more people can do it freely, you know? >> how long will this last about? >> this is going to be gone before we get out the lot, man. after make >> you get weed, you get weed. >> hey, hey. >> everybody's very friendly around here. >> jimmy: that's right, that's right, that's how you make america great again right there. get a jar full and handed out. today's the day spacex went out without rocket launch they had to cancel on monday. this is the launch. wait a minute, i think we may have the wrong video there. no, this is -- this is the actual launch, this is what they call the basic starship, they
11:41 pm
are calling the most expensive penis overcompensation in american history. it was in the air for about 4 minutes until multiple engines went out and a blue up, which for some reason elicited a big round of applause from the company. the rocket experienced what called a rapid unscheduled disassembly, which is the same thing that happened to twitter when elon musk took over. it's called eight -- i have to say, i have to hand it to him, rapid unscheduled disassembly is one hell of a way to describe the rocket blowing up. that's up there with wardrobe malfunction and conscious uncoupling, but that disassembly cost spacex billion dollars which you can defame four different voting machine companies for that much money. his defenders were quick to point out that this was only a test on the rocket was actually supposed to explode, which is
11:42 pm
definitely what i would say if my three billion-dollar rocket exploded. they've not been able to explain the damage he's done to twitter though. today was the great decheck on twitter. if you didn't sign up for his eight bucks a month plan by today you lost your blue verification mark. some of the world's best and brightest had their checks taken away this morning including his holiness pope francis, her holiness oprah, and somehow i lost my blue check but jimmy fallon got to keep his blue check. i guess it means he's the only real jimmy now, i don't know. guess who else still has a check mark, you ready for this? o.j. got to keep his check mark. i guess you don't want to make him mad though, right? this who still has a checking is interesting because both stephen king and the brown james publicly said they would not pay for twitter and yet they still have their checkmarks and people are speculating now that elon
11:43 pm
left there marks alone to shame those guys publicly, which is the only company that can embarrass you by admitting you pay for their products. it's really just twitter and youporn, and that's it. while this might not seem like a big deal for a lot of celebrity's, this is like the hardest thing they've ever been through. losing my check, kind of feels like losing my virginity and away, it was confusing, glitchy, weren't sure what was going on and it happened just like that. it was done. i mentioned earlier today is 4/20 and for that reason it is time not to play the 4/20-est in the world, it's called who's high. my announcer on hollywood boulevard. it looks like you are high just to start off with. if the light bright out there? >> it's so bright. >> jimmy: i can't see her eyes at all. go contrary to my hairstyle, no, i'm not high, it's just this really bright light. >> jimmy: okay, that sounds like a lie.
11:44 pm
all right. so you got three pedestrians there, two of your pedestrians are not high, is that correct? >> that is cor>>im: onof yr pedestrians is high rated her job, intestines, is to try to trick me. >> sounds good. >> jimmy: daniel was the only one that responded to that question. okay, start with natalie. natalie, where you from? >> i'm from texas. >> jimmy: what part of texas? >> a very, very small town in texas called love can. >> jimmy: what are your hobbies? >> i like to do photography, event decorating, and i play an instrument. >> jimmy: what instrument do you play? >> the flute. >> jimmy: oh, that's kind of a high thing, right? >> kind of. >> jimmy: do you still play the instrument or was it just i still think you meant >> i do it occasionally. >> jimmy: you ever smoke out of it back >> [laughs] [laughter]
11:45 pm
>> jimmy: all right, all right. let's meetan daniel, wher you from? >> i'm from albuquerque, new mexico. >> jimmy: would you mind removing her glasses so i can get a full look at you? >> yeah, sure. >> jimmy: look, he's laughing already. let's zoom in a little closer on daniel's eyes. yes. okay, so there's -- this is like a visine commercial. >> is that good? >> jimmy: what do you do for work, daniel? >> professional skateboarder. >> jimmy: oh, my god, as you might as well have just told me you have a guy right? all right, let me talk to linda then and see linda. they like to be tricky and, linda, just kind of looking at you, you seem like you be the least likely to be high, which makes me think may be think you are the most likely to be high. linda, where you from? >> st. john's newfoundland
11:46 pm
canada. >> jimmy: oh, have you been to dildo? >> i was just going to mention absentee may are. >> jimmy: i am the honorary mayor and i'm not visited the town but one of these days i will get there but let's focus on you. is cannabis legal in newfoundland? >> yes. >> jimmy: how long has that been the case? >> i didn't notice. i'm sorry, didn't notice. >> jimmy: that either puts you on one side or the other. i'm not sure. all right, all right. okay. what you do for work, linda? >> i'm a retired dentist. >> jimmy: retired dentist, okay. so all dentists are on drugs, right? >> we certainly know them. >> jimmy: ever get that gas, the little canister that they haven't just take a couple of hits off of that work? >> i administer it buried >> jimmy: yeah, but to yourself? [laughter] >> that's a little tricky. >> jimmy: okay. what are your plans for the rest of the night?
11:47 pm
eco-lots to do. i'm actually heading down maybe to orange county. >> jimmy: l. so you will get there about midnight. all right, let's see. you know what, fight -- this is hard. this is really hard. i am going to say natalie, are you high? >> i am not. >> jimmy: you are not? >> no. >> jimmy: the obvious choices daniel saw not going to go with that either, are you high? >> [laughs] >> jimmy: [laughs] [cheers and applause] linda, that microphone is for your mouth. >> sorry, what else can i say? >> jimmy: yes or no would be good. >> there are some conclusions that we could draw from that y yes. >> jimmy: okay, all right! [cheers and applause]
11:48 pm
we have prizes for everybody odhat we have? >> frisbee for dogs! >> jimmy: to any of you have dogs? geico know, but i love them! [laughter] >> jimmy: all right, thank you for laying! happy 4/20, everybody! [applause] we've got a good show, whitney cummings this year, music from boygenius and we will be right back with jake gyllenhaal. ♪ ♪
11:52 pm
11:53 pm
for coachella this we can this is their album called "the record," music from boygenius! next week -- we've got a great week next week, chris pratt, pierce brosnan, richard madden, james gordon, john mulaney will be here, music from lucas and mike nelson, cannons, new west and they might be giants too, so join us for all that action next week. our first guest tonight as an actor of many talents, skills, vowels, consonants, you name it. his new movie, "guy ritchie's the covenant," opens in theaters tomorrow. please say hello to jake gyllenhaal! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> hello! >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> lovely to see you. >> jimmy: did you wear green tonight because of a holiday or is that a coincidence? >> i actually am wearing an outfit i got from harry
11:54 pm
connick jr.'s wardrobe from "memphis belle." i'm doing my best fred astaire tonight. >> jimmy: that's a deep hole. >> one of my favorite movies. one of my favorite movies. >> jimmy: how about that. are you -- do you have a good weed i, can you tell when some of the is? >> no. your high. >> jimmy: you want to try? that's not the message is trying to send. >> sure! >> jimmy: let's go back out on the hollywood boulevard. that's our announcer. he's got three people out there, i don't know if you saw earlier but one of these people is high. i think he just told us who it is. [laughter] they tried to be tricky with who they pick. so you know, if you want to ask any questions, or if you want to, i got alex. >> jimmy: hey, alex, where you from? >> hello, i'm from glasgow in
11:55 pm
scotland. >> jimmy: glasgow, wow! how about that. are you here on vacation right now? >> yes, i'm here on it -- i'm doing u.s. tour, i've started new yorky way across to l.a. >> jimmy: where will you stop a long way? >> i stopped in -- i was in washington, d.c., for a bit and then i was in virginia and that i was in texas and now he made it to hear. >> jimmy: are you putting on shows along the way? [laughter] >> no. i'm just popping about buried >> jimmy: that's alex, contestant number one. next up we have carrie. hi, how are you? >> great, how are you? we would hold that microphone a little closer to your face. got the pink floyd shirt on, so we are kind of like halfway there. >> yeah, maybe. >> jimmy: have you ever been to one of those pink floyd laser shows? >> i have not. >> jimmy: all right. we go what's your name, carrie? >> carrie cooper. >> jimmy: have you met people who are so high they don't number their names? >> it's just the amount of time
11:56 pm
it takes them between the question. >> jimmy: she was quick. >> true. >> jimmy: and finally how are you doing -- >> how are you doing today >> jimmy: i'm doing good. you have the word "live" right in his name. lydell, what you do for work? >> i'm bemused by expression and i'm also a special at support at middle school, so i help out special ed kids. >> jimmy: wow, okay. [laughter] two mr. young check, check. do you have a tattoo? >> yeah, i just got my mom's name touched up right here. >> jimmy: it's not bleeding or anything. >> no, not at all. >> jimmy: what dr. told it would be a good idea to wrap that with plastic and tape it
11:57 pm
up? >> the artist did that, shot up to modus tattoo. [laughter] >> jimmy: i don't think it's lydell. i don't think it would have admitted he works at a school if he's out strolling around getting high. >> that's true. and then we got alex there who, i don't know, seems to have come from another planet. [laughter] he says he's from scotland, but i don't know about that. >> what do you do for work him alex? >> i'm a journalist. >> jimmy: you are a journalist? >> indeed, very serious journalist. >> jimmy: okay. >> i just was watching the eyes. they are a tell i feel like. he has dry eyes, alex. >> jimmy: let's get into alex's eyes right here. [laughter] okay, there are some capilla capillaries. see carrie too because carrie is also a suspect.
11:58 pm
[laughter] >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i think carrie is trying to tell us something with that pink floyd shirt. >> can i recommend asking what carrie does for a living? >> jimmy: what do you do? >> i am your friend to the end, i am an undertaker. >> jimmy: oh, wow. so you probably -- i mean, you probably need it, you know? what happens when you're on vacation, do people live? >> no. no. we have many -- we have helped. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> this is a very, very difficult one. >> jimmy: and it's important. >> it's very important. >> you guys mind just showing me your best dance moves? >> jimmy: that's a good idea. okay, yeah, count to three. >> anythinyo want. jimmygi torm s.in
11:59 pm
everybody get down. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: pretty good. >> that just made me feel high. alex is really -- i might be -- what are you feeling? >> jimmy: i don't think it's lydell, i think it could -- i'm feeling carrie. all right, why do we each choose our high person and see how it goes. speak okay. i say alex. >> jimmy: i see carrie. who is high, please step forward? >> it is so alex. >> jimmy: if you are high -- it is alex! >> you got me! you got me! you do know this stuff. how did that happen, what did you have? did you smoke, eat, what did you do? >> i went down an alleyway just
12:00 am
a bit and we shared >> jimmy: was a stranger? >> it was with linda, who was on the show earlier. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: linda is a bad influence on everybody! [laughter] all right, congratulations, well done. >> congratulations to him alex! >> jimmy: jake gyllenhaal, he knows his high people. we are going to take a break, more with jake after this, we will be right back. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ink she mi. ♪ any word? she ghosted him. she does travel a lot for work. ♪ my god you're a spy! oh my god. oh my god! ♪ [machine gun fire] were you really gonna call me? ♪ yes, until you texted me 11 times in two days. emoji stuff doesn't count. emoji stuff counts. ghosted. rated pg-13. now streaming on apple tv+.
12:01 am
i used to pre-rinse dishes cause my old detergent didn't actually get 'em clean. but new cascade platinum plus has me doing dishes... differently. with double the dawn grease fighting power and double the scrubbing power. so you can load this, and get this. new cascade platinum plus. dare to dish differently.
12:05 am
>> block the tunnel! >> hey! [baby crying] >> hit it! >> jimmy: that is "guy ritchie's the covenant." jake gyllenhaal is the star of this film, which is, first of all, really a great movie and i think also an important movie because even though it is not a particular story, what happens in the story is true and happened -- is happening really at this time much too often.
12:06 am
explain what the backbone of the story is. >> it's an action movie, a big action movie but at the heart of it it's about a relationship about u.s. special ops sergeant and his interpreter in afghanistan and it's sort of an arranged marriage of sorts because my character loses his translator at the beginning of the movie and then he's assigned this other guy and they don't like each other very much and a number of things happen and they are sort of stranded together and his translator saves his life and then he goes back to try and save him, and really the idea is, you know, there are 300 interpreters who have been killed in afghanistan and there are many, many more left waiting for visas and so the idea is just sort of about we live by this ethos of no one left behind and the movie really is about that. it's about a guy who decides to go back himself and help the guy who saved his life buried >> jimmy: and the covenant is the promise we made to these people that we've broken in so
12:07 am
many cases and also are moving so slowly with some of these people who we said hey, you help us and then we will bring you over, we will bring her to another country and it's just not really happening, is it? >> it's a very complex situation but at the same time, yeah, the movie is a parable. it's a parable about -- it's not based on a true story but it's based on many different true stories, you know, different people all put together and it's really the idea of us as americans, as humans, you know, inside of us we have many heroes in this country, we are country made of heroes and sometimes reluctant ones but that's our fabric and are so many people who helped us there and we help them and it's our e photos, no one left behind. >> jimmy: you get a chance to screams of the white house where they can actually do something about what happened there? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: that would be nice, that would be great, hopefully they will hear about it and want to see it. because that would be amazing. >> jimmy: this is not a typical guy ritchie movie.
12:08 am
[applause] a lot of it is -- you can see some of that guy ritchie, the fighting looks real and the action is very gritty and away, but different. what was it like working with him on this movie? >> you know, the movie is an action movie at it's but it's great. he basically barbecues half the time. >> jimmy: cooks for the cast and the crew? >> yeah, like chicken, fish, veggies if you are vegetarian. [applause] i.e. all different things but he likes his state, but no joke, in between setups he's cooking and you come and finish and there's a plate for you and you know you really kind of major way into his heart when you're allowed to barbecue on his barbecue. >> jimmy: he let you -- >> yeah, so it's a very -- it's a fun to be on. >> jimmy: it sans like more fun than what you just went through because i know you just shot this movie, like a reboot -- not a reboot -- >> reimagining.
12:09 am
>> jimmy: reimagining of roadhouse. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i think it's going to be a hit. you play a ufc fighter. i don't know if people saw this but you actually shot the final scene at a ufc event. show that tape [cheers and applause] is a co >> 184 challenger! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: that's not a guy ritchie barbecue body you have there. how long did you have to stay in shape for that movie? >> we were supposed to go to the ufc fight before, right? amazing, but they've never let anybody do anything like that before. >> jimmy: nobody ever shot anything live in front of their crowd? >> there's no fiction when you're fighting a ufc fight.
12:10 am
to bring a movie crew come in, it was serious business. so i was supposed to go and do it in november and then i got covid the day before and i was in shape and ready to go and they're like oh, the next one is in march. and i was like oh, [bleep]. [laughter] and then i -- >> jimmy: no ravioli until march. >> [laughs] yeah. there was not a lot of that stuff. so then we did it in march so when we were there, i was just waiting because we were shooting in between the actual fights, so there's the paper review fights in the undercard and in between we were told we would have a certain amount of time in between those fights we didn't know how much, we didn't know if the fights would go on all the way or what would happen. we ended up having like about 15, 20 minutes to shoot and we actually choreographed the fight to fight in the octagon but i remember waiting and they would be like we think you're going to be ready to go and we just do like 100 push-ups and then they would be like oh, not ready yet rated so it was just like a lot of push-ups. >> jimmy: we have a picture of
12:11 am
you following those push-ups. and it's really -- [cheers and applause] the other guy looks sad that you are in better shape than he is. this reminds me -- did you watch wrestling in the old days? >> yeah! >> jimmy: this reminds me little bit. you know, he had the claw that he would do. >> i actually based on the character i played in a spider-man movie based on that hand movements. >> jimmy: on the clock -- >> mysterio, he does this, right? it's not based -- it's not based on that but it looks like it. >> jimmy: you are a good liar too. you and glenda. [laughter] >> it was alex not linda! are you high? >> jimmy: jake dillon welcome everybody! "guy ritchie's the covenant" opens in theaters friday. we will be back with whitney cummings! [cheers and applause]
12:12 am
falling p and staying asleep— you know, insomnia. before i found quviviq, an fda-approved insomnia medication for adults, you would not believe the things i used to think about when i couldn't sleep. hey, linds. i need you to sign this business contract. all 114 pages. lindsey! lindsey! hey, lindsey! it's workout time. hey, big man, we're in the middle of something here. yeah, it's called physical fitness. just a couple dozen more questions, lindsey. don't forget to pack your phone charger for tomorrow morning's flight. it's plugged in right over there. lindsey? quviviq helps you get more sleep. and when taken every night, sleep continued to improve over time. that's why i take quviviq nightly. quviviq works differently than medication you may have taken in the past. quviviq is thought to target one of the biological causes of insomnia: overactive wake signals. do not take quviviq if you have narcolepsy. don't drink alcohol while taking quviviq or drive or operate heavy machinery until you feel fully alert.
12:13 am
quviviq may cause temporary inability to move or talk or hallucinations while falling asleep or waking up. quviviq may cause sleepiness during the day. quviviq may lead to doing activities while not fully awake that you don't remember the next day, like walking, driving and making or eating food. worsening depression, including suicidal thoughts, may occur. most common side effects are headaches and sleepiness. it's quviviq. ask your doctor if it's right for you. ♪ ♪ mom. can we get a puppy, mom? please? girls, pets are a big expense. aww. [ audience cheers ] maybe try switching your car insurance to progressive. you could save hundreds. [ audience laughter ] thanks, tv dad. we'll think about it, okay?
12:14 am
look what i found. -a puppy! -a puppy! oh, no, no. i wish tv dad was always in charge. [ dog barks, audience laughter ] listen to your tv dad. drivers who switch and save with progressive save nearly $700 on average. i got this mountain bike for only $11. dealdash.com the fair and honest bidding site. this kitchenaid mixer sold for less than $26. this i-pad sold for less than $43. and this playstation 5 sold for less than a dollar. i won these bluetooth headphones for $20. i got these three suitcases for less than $40. and shipping is always free. go to dealdash.com right now and see how much you can save. hmmm! twix with cookie and cookie dough? kinda makes you wonder which came first. the cookie or the cookie dough? kakaaaw! so embarrassing!
12:17 am
12:18 am
i got you coffee. oh my god, what? you literally read my mind. got you, girl. time for downy mcbride to go to work. ya'll gotta sniff this stuff! woop woop! - whoo - smells great, downy! ugh, cul-de-sacs. downy unstopables. you gotta sniff it to believe it. when moderate to severe ulcerative colitis keeps flaring, put it in check with rinvoq, a once-daily pill. when uc got unpredictable, i got rapid symptom relief with rinvoq. and left bathroom urgency behind. check. when uc got in my way, i got lasting, steroid-free remission with rinvoq. check. and when my gastro saw damage, rinvoq helped visibly repair the colon lining. check. rapid symptom relief. lasting, steroid-free remission. and a chance to visibly repair the colon lining. check. check. and check. rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin cancer;
12:19 am
death, heart attack, stroke, and tears in the stomach or intestines occurred. people 50 and older with at least 1 heart disease risk factor have higher risks. don't take if allergic to rinvoq as serious reactions can occur. tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. put uc in check and keep it there, with rinvoq. ask your gastro about rinvoq. and learn how abbvie could help you save.
12:20 am
they'll be here in 5, we ready? - there's uh... - oh. we'll just put books here. that's bad. left. left. - keep going. - eeyah. - we should've used behr. - yeah. today let's paint, spray, and stain with the most trusted paint brand. behr. only at the home depot. was the fridge here before? - yes. - no. can the flavor of a slow cooked, smoked sausage w be so gloriously delicious that the sight of it sizzling makes your taste buds weep? if it's hillshire farm. oh, hill yeah.
12:21 am
12:22 am
the only fans most of whitney cummings may 14th on only fans tv. please say hello to whitney cummings! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> what to us men do when we sit down with our blazers? undo it? >> jimmy: depends where we are with our bodies, but i'm keeping mind buttons. >> i notice when you sit down you don't do that thing men do when they sit down where they... [laughter] >> jimmy: pull the thing up? what is that? >> jimmy: i guess it's called class. >> are you bouncing your -- >> jimmy: i never thought about that -- >> it's all i notice. with men in front of me, they sit -- they sit -- >> jimmy: guillermo, do you do
12:23 am
that? >> yes. >> jimmy: why? because everybody does it -- all the guys. >> jimmy: let me see you do it. i know why, it's to relieve some of the stress on the pants. >> but when you stand up, do the dash >> i don't do that. >> i only do this. >> jimmy: he doesn't on the the way down. do you celebrate 4/20? >> no. >> jimmy: you do not. >> not a match for me. >> jimmy: why? >> i don't know if you saw during the pandemic, i took an and within 20 for hours my hair was blue. and i had sketched out on a legal pad attached to that i wanted to get that said "breathe." i felt i needed a daily reminder for an involuntary action. >> jimmy: [laughs] >> and then i was convinced that america needed to hear what i had to say about politics.
12:24 am
>> jimmy: you are blaming that on the edibles. >> i got an instagram, i opened with "hey guys." >> that's bad. go which is unacceptable. and promptly -- my knees buckled, i went timber, as ke$ha says, hit my head so hard i got a little egg right there. that's what that is right there. >> jimmy: you were on camera when you passed out? >> no, i was off camera. it was a funny fall. you want to fall out of frame. >> jimmy: wow, so that's not good for you. you don't trust yourself on edibles. >> i don't trust anyone on edibles, this whole town. everyone is on drugs. no, no. i believe, hot take, we should criminalize marijuana just in hollywood. just in hollywood. i don't know if you guys noticed but there was a movie that came out where he just -- idris
12:25 am
was a cat and someone had animated a cat butthole on the great idris elba and we just that slide. and i don't know if you -- there was a movie where tom hanks played mister rogers and no one noticed. >> jimmy: [laughs] >> no one noticed, they would rather focus on his jamaican rapper son. that's drugs. that's drugs. >> jimmy: wow. that's interesting. >> no, we want to hear -- our hanks is chet. indica, i don't know what that is. >> jimmy: it is something bad. >> and then if you are not edibles, you are on mushrooms. >> jimmy: that is a big thing. >> are you also a fan? >> jimmy: have not done that. >> a lot of hollywood people taking mushrooms to heal the trauma of being millionaires. [laughter] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [applause] >> i don't know how they do it!
12:26 am
so yeah, we are not doing that. >> jimmy: tell me about this roast. this is on only fans. >> it's on only fans. so people i know create only fans -- i know. i too was a judgmental dork and i winced at the idea but it's really just prejudice against sex workers. my only problem with sex workers as they want us to call them that. all sex's work, like what you doing. [applause] how dare you. and what does that me, i'm such a volunteer? i will call you whatever you want what your term can't make me seem like i am bad at business. now we have a problem. >> jimmy: maybe enthusiast. >> can we just go back to street trollope to i thought that was -- it's fun. trollope with venom. >> jimmy: you are on this trollope.com.
12:27 am
>> trollope.edu. it's very educational. so only fans as a tv side now and it's hard to do comedy anywhere right now. there's a lot of censorship. youtube you will get taken out of the algorithm if you tell a certain joke. if you see my comment on youtube you have to deal with the 5,000 comments trying to figure out my age, which is distracting. come for the comedy, stay for the misspelled comments about my face. >> jimmy: [laughs] >> tiktok is now kicking people off for roast jokes or jokes saying it's bullying. it's wild. because i feel bullied by tiktok. i feel bullied by the fact that if you are on tiktok and you say your polyamorous you get 10 million followers and a line of energy drinks. i don't like you guys either. okay? but then remember there was comedy central. doer member there was comedy central -- and then it was just gone. where is comedy -- is it in --
12:28 am
>> jimmy: it is still on during south park. >> is it wherever dane cook's money is? we don't know where comedy central went. you have to understand that stressful as a comedian when your primary employer just disappeared into thin air, trying to find. >> jimmy: your roast is your friend, right? >> i think that is when it started getting memes come own comedian started making of actors. have we adequately made fun of jake gyllenhaal's outfit yet? [applause] i'm sorry, i just -- is he -- why would he do that? >> jimmy: he made fun of it himself. >> i don't think we've covered it. why... why. >> jimmy: he is probably still back there, we can ask him. >> jake, why are you dressed like indiana jones representing himself in court? [laughter and applause] why do you look like the first
12:29 am
computer? [laughter] >> jimmy: who is roasting you on this special? >> amanda knox is on my roast, which is wild. amanda knox. >> jimmy: the woman who was acquitted of murder in italy. because yes, she was, and you know, during the pandemic i reached out to her again, i took edibles and made wild choices. >> jimmy: you reached out to amanda -- >> said you want to come on my podcast and she stays at my house -- i've never met her before. she's in my house, she is sleeping in a different room, i wake up at like seven in the morning and i feel like -- i don't -- like is this a woodpecker nightmare? i don't know what's happening. and i go in the kitchen and she is cutting tomatoes with the biggest knife i've ever seen. >> jimmy: oh, my god! >> i don't know if she brought it. i don't know who's knife it even was. it literally -- she was like that she was like "morning." and i was like "i think you're
12:30 am
innocent, but is really testing me." >> jimmy: because what kind of a psychopath eats tomatoes for breakfast? [applause] >> she was making shark shook up. you know the dish it looks like a blended up dead body. >> jimmy: she's a friend. >> she's a friend and i realized she was really funny but -- for example i'm a klutzy idiot and i stumbled, i tripped on something and she just went please don't die around me. and it was so funny. [laughter] >> jimmy: is any of this true? >> yes! it was so surreal and everyone is so focused on my blue hair that they didn't realize that i had amanda knox in my house. and i realize she is so funny and i was like why don't you -- and she's like i can be funny because people think i'm being insensitive and i was like you've come to the right place.
12:31 am
12:33 am
>> jimmy: thanks to jake gyllenhaal and whitney cummings, apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is coming up next but first, their album is called "the record" coming here with the song "not strong enough," boygenius! ♪ ♪ ♪ black hole opened in the kitchen ♪ ♪ every clocks a different tim time ♪ ♪ it would only take the energy to fix it ♪ ♪ i don't know why i ♪ the way i am ♪ ♪ not strong enough to be your
12:34 am
12:35 am
man, i lied, i am ♪ just lowering your expectations ♪ ♪ half a mind that keeps the other second-guessing ♪ ♪ close my eyes and count ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ always in angel, never a god ♪ ♪ always in angel, never a god ♪ ♪ always in angel, never a god ♪ ♪ always in angel, never a god ♪ ♪ always in angel, never a god, always in angel, never a
12:36 am
♪ always an angel, ♪ always an angel, never a god ♪ ♪ always an angel, never a god ♪ ♪ always an angel, never a god ♪ ♪ always an angel, never a god ♪ ♪ i don't know why i am ♪ ♪ the way i am ♪ ♪ there's something in the static ♪ ♪ i think i've been having revelations ♪ ♪ coming nearly empty ♪ ♪ get the exit to our old street and go home ♪ ♪ go
12:37 am
[cheers and applause] >> ♪ ♪ >> today, david not reporting from south sudan. the humanitarian crisis and a region on the brink. because this is a very common sight here after four years of relentless rain. this is a tiny piece of land completely surrounded by the waters here. an island in and of itself and these are the families that have stayed behind to continue to raise their children here. >> climate change and historic flooding. the children at risk. because mothers are feeding their children water lily spirits >> it is a coping mechanism because they do not have enough food. >> abb just 40 days old weighing less than 4 pounds.
312 Views
1 Favorite
IN COLLECTIONS
KGO (ABC) Television Archive Television Archive News Search ServiceUploaded by TV Archive on