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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  May 8, 2023 11:35pm-12:37am PDT

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all right, good night. >> i'm ama daetz. and i'm dan ashley. have a nice evening >> from hollywood it's jimmy toght mullaney, eie and music from cannons. . and now jimmy kimmel [♪ music ♪] here's a thank you
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for watching. thank you for joining us. right to be here and i appreciate it. on today's -- i don't know if we have any english majors but today is a very big day for american literature. the highly anticipated new book from former president hut was just released today, it's a heavy one just like old donald himself, called, "that i to trump." a book of letters, mostly let his famous people wrote to him before he was president thinking for letting them play golf at a golf course or state is bordello in florida but this is when he's getting down with jeffrey epstein and partying with meatloaf and barging into teen beauty pagean
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dressing rooms. the good old days. i guess the intent of the book is to prove that people don't like don't know are hypocrites because they didn't support him when he was president. i tell you something, i have a lot of friends that i wouldn't want to be president to confess almost all my friends i would not want to be president. but this is quite a book here. notes from nixon, kim jong ngy ngyun, bob hope, tom minnesota here, it's just a weird variety. like you showed up in a publishers office is publishers office and doctor bunch of problems on the desk. eleven his art from light of the malaise he said to his people. for real like serena williams and david copperfield. he sent david copperfield a letter thanking them for some brownies he said. any prejudice in the book and you can read that letter number only i'm going to get this back to you. letters to and from permanent democrats. he's been talking about this letter from hillary that would be so embarrassing. it is a signed form letter thanking him for a donation. they go because every republica doesn't like him a rhino
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supported and data money to governor comecon chuck schumer and hillary clinton. invited george w. bush to the missed t-mack ms. usa pageant. for real. wrote, "unfortunately, laura an i are books that they could to growth there is a letter from princess diana thanking him sending birthday flowers that she definitely did not right. there's a lot about opera. he's very upset with oprah. is very upset with álex balde and. he says the elk was young, he loved him, he said he will make trump to let them play in a movie about his life said he played on the tv show about his life. he also said he'd find it very hard to believe that baldwin didn't know the gun was loaded. he wrote this in the book. is such a richard, who he really is. so back -- about some of the turncoat celebrities who wrote to him. >> even rosie o'donnell riding beautiful letter. she was riding beautiful
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letters. she likes me. i don't think she liked me so much anymore but she liked me. but rosie o'donnell riding the letters and we have a lot of them left too. accountable. i'm not looking to do another book but the book just hit number 1 on amazon immediately. i mean, like immediately went t number 1. i think is going to be very interesting to people. i think you're going to learn from this book. >> fright, right. probably be talking florida schools. by the way, it is beautiful o0 tim, this is the note she wrote him, " great, you were perfect, hope you had fun, rosie." i love when he think this is a beautiful letter. as a talkshow host i'm going to tell you with absolute certaint that is the same note she sent every guess whoever did her sh show. i won't limit tenant wil be sending that very note to john mullaney tomorrow. >> is not just notes that certain letters pointed out, their photographs too. there is a picture of you in a swimsuit in this book, which
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we've never seen before! that' excellent. >> do potatoes you can have sides? i don't know. let's take a loo at that such suit this sweatsui shot. man groups finding the olympic torch. not only is it kind of letters, he is a man of the best words. words that are made entirely of letters. when it comes to letters no president has given us more of them that donald jessica trump. i used the a word and is a, "trump use foul language, horrible horrible horrible.," "the b word is a word people don't like but is actually a word used -- getting use more and more." petersburg? from parts of the world where i is socialist or worse, it is called the c word. >> i just need to use the b word word. he started using the f word. it was incredible, he was using the f word, effort, and ford.
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how about using the h word. because if i use that they'll say he used foul language. almost in a house that they have a meeting before this to talk about the i word. the i word. can you imagine? who has said that there are bad things, okay? he mentioned the n ward 1 time. i was shocked to hear mention the n word. you know what the n-word is. and worker can't use the n wor word, can't use two and words, you don't mention them. the n-word which is a nuclear word in this case. there two words, right. for both real bad. they start during the r were not there. it's a terrible thing. i mean, it's a terrible thing. i am the least racist person there is. . >> you almost have them all.
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about that n-word eventually. no letter to joe biden in tru trump's book. presented by they made it official he's running for president again he said he's running to battle for the soul of america, which is, i don't know, a lot of bad for. most people his age are barely winning the battle against constipation but make no mistake, grandpa joe is back on the road to the white house and he is doing 35 in the center lane with his blinker on. . >> when i ran for president fou years ago, i said we are in a battle for the soul of america. what is the soul of america? freedom. what is it? kindness, empathy, style, wis wisdom. i'm talking about finance, man. whispering just because it sounds cool. >> >> shaking hands, kissing babie and getting plenty of shuteye. buying war bonds just to keep the kaiser on his toes.
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trains. those old beer cans with the pulltabs. whatever happened to those, ma man? slipping a few candy buttons into your phosphate just to see how fast the sugar rush makes you pair your bike with the big wheel trots. and a healthy appreciation the games i granted terrible. i pledge allegiance to her any day. which reminds me, the most important thing of all: with your best gal in the drive-in picture show. go for it, jack! talking about? how come, i'm joe biden, and that's why i'm running for reelection. but first, i'm going to watch, "wheel of fortune." hello, ms. savanna. prezi. >> jimmy: if he wins when a second term starts.'s face, be on money while he is still in office.
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what an election. japan by 976 and 80. you no house at all the smells were the society? gorillas. okay? in mexico. this the president trump was afraid of the mexican navy just confiscated thousands of tequil bottles that were filled with liquid meth. the metals want to be shipped out of the country. it was detected by drug sniffing dogs. can you imagine what would happen if you get a bottle of meth tequila? p used to be nursing as a. is very addictive, people start taking it and they cannot staking -- cannot start taking it >> are you okay? what are you talking so fast? what do you mean? i'm not talking fast. this so i talked. everything is great. just because i love tacos or taco to the is good but i also love wednesday, thursday, fri friday, saturday and sunday and monday too. . >>
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pace yourself okay. i was wondering why he cleans the house to you with the toothbrus today. we get more details about tucker carlson's house fox news. tacos reportedly blindsided by this. he had no idea why he got fir fired. although i have some ideas. i have like about ideas. what i do know is there are many satisfying headlines about this, this would be my favorite "fox news staffers celebrate tucker carlson departure. pure joy." boxes and tucker carlson parted ways with the rest of the network it seems filled. pure joy said untouchable. a great day for america, and for the real journalists who work hard everyday to deliver the news at fox. well, let's not go overboard with this. i like consumer finance first that these real journalists exist at fox. firing thinkers make fox news a real news outlet anymore than firing jared made subway and real subway, okay.
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but he does have options. of russia today the official russian propaganda outlet tweeted that he has is welcome there anytime and the top propaganda in russian think you said, "we will happily offer yo a job if you wish to carry on a a presenter and hosts. you're always looking in russia and moscow. we wish you the best of luck, progress to think about a situation like this, you really find out who your friends are, you know. both donald trump and trump jr. him tiktoker defense which is funny because one of the texts that got tucker carlson fired is this one about trump that said i hate him passionately, is a demonic for force, a destroyer. and the worst part is he was taking melania. i was thinking about to take off like what did he do this o one? did he wake up and scream a bunch of racist stuff into a bowl of oatmeal? anthony must be especially hard because mattel released a new barbie doll with down syndrome today and he was not able to process that. tucker carlson a fox news, they spent a lot of
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time waging war against the wokester latching onto companie like budweiser for trying to be more inclusive. and it works, it gets people fired up. so we decided to go out on hollywood boulevard and asked pedestrians about woke changes american companies have been making. these are changes that, of course, we made up, of course, the premises fake doesn't mean the outrage isn't real. >> where talking to people abou work culture and corporations. pilin on otzy they will make a special by tylenol for bisexu bisexuals. do you think this will alleviate headaches of one of the side whether to have sex with a man or woman? >> turner had been around forever. if you want to come up with something different for someone else then do it but i don't think we chose to change the name of a product. >> are you at all bilenol curious?
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>> no. >> not even a little? >> no. >> what about one timeout by th lake? >> no. home depot is changing their name to homosexual depot. >> really. >> have they gone too far? >> if they change the name, yes they have. they need to stick with home depot brand to go to if we don't like it. >> used to be shopping at homosexual depot? >> i'll chebet time, they have best prices. >> mcdonald's unlikeness unveiling the m which you flip upside down is a.k.a. trans. have they gone too far? >> yes, i think so. whenever you are talking about sexuality all the time i don't know why people have to. >> project just announced that they will not be known as people jacks. is it finally time for that? >> no. >> this is food. the white people jacks will come with
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cards. >> okay. congratulations, i don't eat it anyway, so i don't care. >> what urinate. >> my name is jared. >> jared? >> how do you spell that. >> jerte t-tan cap h. >> okay i think we have all we need. we recently removed all the genitals. do you think is the left pushing their agenda? >> i didn't know they had genitals on the dalles ever. >> some critics are saying this is what they want us to look like with no genitals. i am cool with my genitals. i like mine, you know. they are what they are. i like women's genital but, you know. . >> how would you rate genitals, top to bottom? people go i will go ask numbe number 1, and then you know the regina then, in tits. dam probably my top right three there. . >> how about the bottom creatures at the bottom, i woul say mail stop because i don't like to mail
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but i do have a penis myself which is good for me. . >> it is good for all of us, really. >> we have a good show tonight. and gemma tpr is here. live music from cannons i'm going to talk with john i'm going to talk with john mullaney so stick around. . you got no game dude, that's a foul! and now you're ready to settle the score. game over. and if you don't have the right home insurance coverage, well, you could end up paying for all this yourself. so get allstate, and be better protected from mayhem, yeah, like me. thanks, bro. take a lap, rookie. real mature.
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special called, lady a bj. the whole time i was in rehab it was very lockdown for covid so we never got to leave the building. but i heard and some rehabs they take you on field trips. like the one i was at i guess i better times you get to go to a farm and meet a horse. they di a lot, is called equine therapy that sounds really nice. but how bad you feel for the horse? this board being like, "one day i'm going to win the kentucky derby." and its whole life is just junkies being like, okay, all right.
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you and john mullaney, baby j. welcome john mullaney [applause] . >> how are you? well. junior special is so funny, really good recognition turned out to be hilarious. >> john: marqueta plan worked out well for everyone. i'm very flattered you like it. thanks for saying that. i like that, really, i watched it with my wife and daughter in law? every -- when you said your daughter, i was nervous that jay watch this. >> jimmy: no, she is eight. >> john: it is a scared straigh type of thing. >> jimmy: you also really had one of the coolest intervention as far as like
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heard >> john: it was a good group. was flattered when i walked in. like i honestly is a good lineup. this is like oprah for your consideration, best ensemble, intervention.." >> you could have want to stagger word for that she's absolutely soon as far as intervention goes, i hope you are my mate asking curious as to like so you come to the intervention, you go to the whole thing >> john: he don't know is intervention when you come to it >> jimmy: right? i thought it was dinner with two friends fro college >> jimmy: right. it was not >> john: it was not. q1 yuh-nung two hours late for that dinner? i was two hours later that dinner would have made me madder than the drugs >> john: they were matter about that. 's all their concern for me as a drug addict really went away with the two hours late. they were very mad. i'm sorry i was late to dinner, coke addicts are not known for
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their appetites. is not a pressing concern >> jimmy: so that at the end of this intervention, of course, h listens to them and did what they askedou go right into reha? that's what i was so -- durin the intervention at one point i went, "oh, is there a car downstairs, can they would yeah and i was like they had maybe so when i was walking in they said zero push was on." i thought that's odd, i don't normally have to do th that. they took my shoes off so i don't bowl 20 started spewing they thought of everything? they really thought about this. >> john: is if you do -- she went and if you do cocaine and not walk around the street without shoes. i don't to get a splinter speech which was pretty cold ou but, yeah, i would have hoped i in my socks. and then i said i go to rehab but can i go on monday.
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and they said that this really sucked and assaulted me. they said, "we don't believe your grandmother could. soon really? i said, that's questioning my character. so then i go, go, i was living in an air b&b at this point and plug, and i go, "i have to go impact." indigo, "we packed fo you." libbing out two roller suitcases. they packed it. never let 12 comedians pack your bag for two months of winter. it was all socks and iphone chargers and like late night show swag. camo mugs and you had mugs while you were there speech and one, one suitcases are like jackets. >> jimmy: then how long were yo and we can?
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32 two month >> jimmy: did you end up going to my house. i'm curious about that because at that point did you feel like you couldn't trust any of your other friends oh, no, no, i trusted them. what happened was over the years you've been very kind and very, very, fun guy to hang out with but you're more than kind to people that come over for dinner and you say, i don't kno if you are so often, if anyone ever needs to stay in this guesthouse, it's always open >> jimmy: right? and most people have homes. so they think indigo, oh, jimmy you're a mensch." i must have filed it away rehab, then i was in a sober living situation, and then i wa coming to la, and i called and said, "hey, i'm between .
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you always mentioned this get gets -- i remember thig k kegog to call his he said it eh ouse jmy: yeah? for a f w ennother righ yson? t was treated so well. i never saw you. know i never did but it wake up and it will be a basket with bagels. he was like my sugar daddy pickup like i'd wake up and do the money for the day. go by an outfit, and you guys had nice restaurant quality espresso machine. not bad. if you're thinking of having no home, it's real good over there. >> jimmy: you know what's funny to me which was kind of embarrassing me, you really, "can i use the gym? oaks." and emma, maybe i shoul use the gym. but yes you can use the gym? fresh out of rehab, still smoking a lot of cigarettes bac then, wasn't in the best shape fe's pron oes.ink i put on m sh
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of it and then i would start proton workouts did so quickly. but that i thought oh, they can see the same workouts and it will be like 20 minute workout, impaled after three minutes. bailed after one minute. just listened to the music. so i kept them playing why our best, sit on the floor and look at my phone >> jimmy: i see? lets you guys think i abandoned a good and hills workouts you and you are assuming i ever got on the pill time which is not the case you did use you had like a mirror workout thing soon i hav all the things and i don't use any of them. oh, did you use that? >> john: yeah, and i saw some fantastic workouts. looks like you do short interval -- but hey, busy per person, you know.
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when you get a sugar baby in the guesthouse and he's got a family, he's got a lot of peopl to take care of not an intervention of me -- no intervention for me to spend a little more time with the kettl bells >> jimmy: we are going to think of breaking guess what, who wil soon be -- who will still be here, the mullaney is here . >> portions of jimmy kimmel live! are brought to you by the machine exclusively in movie theaters may 26. get your tickets now. because i earn unlimited 2% cash back on everything i buy. with no preset spending limit, my purchasing power adapts to meet my business needs. and i reinvest my 2% cash back to help grow our business with new products, like our tabletop masa mill. my spark card helps me fulfill my mission of bringing masa to the masses. what's in your wallet?
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in las vegas, the most popular food is broccoli.
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yeah, that's the only food. they have broccoli smoothies, and broccoli pancakes, and broccoli ice cream, and broccoli hotdogs, and of course, they have raw unseasoned broccoli..... with stems. -daddy, i don't want to go to las vegas with you and mommy tomorrow. oh, are you sure? are you sure you don't want to go, it will be so much fun!
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spewing back with john mullaney a comedy special net lease called john mullaney baby j. you're in las vegas this week? i was in las vegas >> jimmy: your hometown? i was at the wynn doing some shows fo a few nights. it was great >> jimmy: what is it like being in vegas when you can't do any of the stuff that you were doin in vegas? all of the vice >> john: all of the vices >> jimmy: yeah >> john: it was good. i sort of said i'm going to plan my days, i'm going to exercise, i'm going to get read for the show and focus on the show and i'm not just going to descend into vegas activities. and by the third day i was standing in a wet bathing suit playing bunker at arguing with the pit boss but are not the baby i was holding counted as someone under 18. because have rules about who can be on the floor and i didn't think that my 17-month-old sons count as a person under 18 spewing i agree with you, by the way
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>> john: plus nice to see your father lose money in a rat >> jimmy: it's a good lesson speak to a good lesson, yeah >> jimmy: did you go to any shows? i plan my nights. after the show we go to dinner or something and one night we went to see usher. yeah thin market he's got a big show there in vegas? he is the king of vegas. have to do to go see usher >> jimmy: really? >> john: i didn't know a -- we well, i didn't know the name of a single usher song but as i am watching the show and hearing all the tents hit after hit, i realized i have heard all the songs the past 25 years while i'm getting my haircut. ♪ oh, my god, so in -- mike, i know this on and this one. i had a exits of christ because i'm in vegas, isolated ticket t come see me. he says the ticket to come see him. what you go get you go se usher, like i'm on stage talkin
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about addiction. this guy, was on roller skates at one point. singing and dancing and interjecting positivity, you know. he kept pausing to go, w get one night, it's all love soon it's like an enterprise my show to tell everyone that it's all love. no, but i really was like maybe i should start doing that and just say, we are all here tonight, just keep reminding people that we are here. [applause] >> jimmy: important sometimes t remember >> john: and at one point you think oh, i think that's all th theatrics we are going to get m and then it can explode in thes fall from the sky. this is usher money. this is not legal tender but i trust this more than i do crypto because real >> jimmy: and then you grab it? it flies up in the air and everybody grab some? you
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down on your knees and pick a piece of usher money >> jimmy: were there celebritie in the audience of usher? goinge too many vips there. and is there and i'm here and i go okay, see what happens you know. and it's all love, we're all here. . like full stock, jermaine dupree. i'm like, yeah, dupree. his eye, we came on this planet is different transport we are brothers. >> i get it, you're younger than jermaine dupree. >> like nelly is here, just the raptors here. and he's moving along and he gets right to me i like this -- then he got a seating chart and he goes man, i didn't know you were he here. division. get on balenciaga?
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spewing that was you? spewing out? i wasn't wearing lot of that. >> jimmy: utilitarian special about being is it fair to say disappointed that people didn't recognize you in rehab? >> john: a little bit. yeah, i got to end like they had a welcome group when i got there and i sat down and was like, hi, i'm john m. they stared at me. >> jimmy: you told the story about leaving a newspaper that had a story about your >> john: yeah. it ended up in a newspaper that i was in rehab and i left it out >> jimmy: is that true? i did do that. also -- i was in a very petty time in my life and ls grassroots what normalcy i could. and also i would walk back from the cafeteria. there was like an area where the teen smoke, you know. and i would walk. i made it a point to talk past
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like -- is this my demo? oh be like, "manque how is everyone doing?" like liquid is typical and they wouldn't do it. >> jimmy: in ada people will be happy that they weren't recognized in a rehab situation at first i was worried it would be done as the days rolled on i became quite concerned. string, yeah, nothing ever works we wanted to, does it? >> john: nothing ever works out not even being institutiona institutionalized. store, well, i'm very happy that you are no longer institutionalized speak that's very nice of you to say soon an his specialist prophetically called john mullaney baby j. you can get it on netflix. john mullaney, everybody. next, india amarteifio. my a1c; now, it's down with rybelsus®. his a1c? it's down with rybelsus®.
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[applause] timbs timbs
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river things
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one please welcome in the armor tto. -- in the i sometimes get computer that's right, when you are from europe you guys do the two kisses thin three through although i don't usually. i bring britain to you soon thank you for bringing brent to me and thank you for being here >> india: thank you for having me you and i hope i produced your name dutifully >> john: perfect is difficult to spell too, rig right? >> india: yeah.
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i have a song about my sister sister -- that my sister wrote for me. i had to state one is that any ghost of hip m, ar, o10, e, eif i/o . >> i measure people mangle it. what is the worst pronunciation you've heard of your name. >> i've heard armadillo >> jimmy: .-dot good >> john: i've heard edifice. the list goes on. any name that begins at end a cutie started acting -- you're 21 now and started acting when you were how old? >> india: ten i believe. >> jimmy: and how do you get involved in that >> india: i used to dance and i injured myself. dentary is like probably shouldn't be doing this all the time. but i love to the kind of storytelling aspect of dance. and then i watched calling my name when asserting an actor like animated -- need to make someone feel like that watching
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that and, yeah, here i am spewing that is something is because that's funny because it seems like such a good movie to have that be the move that you saw as a kid >> india: i know i know soon an it is piety to be an actor >> india: i was born in 2001 >> jimmy: and then you are in place? >> india: i started on the west and and on and i want to do matilda when i was about 12 i think and then charlie and the chocolate factory >> jimmy: charlie, all the big ones there >> india: i tried spewing and then coming from london, had yo been to la before? i assume you've been here, or no? speaker been here twice to see. this my first time coming leaving europe this year and o out. so to do a big is endothermic. ban it. wouke t it here? >> india: everything is huge. i think the one thing that really surprised me when it cam out was the timing -- tiling on
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the floor i like slabs. i can't fathom. and england everything is so tiny and narrow steel you think that because things are older i england >> india: est on and at that time it made her sense and mayb the ground wasn't as little? >> india: sure spewing yeah >> india: i'll go with that >> jimmy: you said everything seemed so big >> india: yes soon i'm sure you must have seen this. this is - i actually see this every day o my drive to work [applause] >> jimmy: that you are. ihopres is. not only do you have that billboard but if you can zoom i you got that one there too >> india: think at that soon an there is another one, some prim real estate here above the liquor locker. right above the liquor locker, that's winning an academy award, really >> john: i made it. i also would recommend in my
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family members need to go to th liquor locker before watching this stream why do you say that? speaker because things are bit steamy soon r >> india: a bit racy and not fo the eyes soon your mom is actually here, i know, tonight >> india: there she is spewing there is your mom right there. [applause] >> jimmy: has she seen the show? has she seen any? >> india: yeah, we watched it together. and experience like no other. i think you would agree, right? yes, she is >> jimmy: who is more uncomfortable? >> india: i think i know what t expect because i've actually been reading some lines with he prior to that which is auditioning so i had been sort of reading lines. >> but weren't reading -. >> no steamy lines i sort of knew what to expect and i think it's fabulous. so switched off codis my daughter bring steamy scenes so, yeah,
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it's fabulous. yes, it is not in yet, it's the queen, queen charlotte i'm talking about here. do you feel the same way? speaker, yeah, it is desired. i'm not sure. i don't know if you guys know that all of jimmy's family work here soon yeah >> india: but it's really nice to have people that you know what something and feel proud and have seen the journey. but yeah, i just felt like i had to jump in at the deep end and jus show her and get it under the weight and we can move past it >> jimmy: do you do that with each one of your relatives or just mom? >> india: definitely with my grandparents >> jimmy: your grandparents? how are they going to react to this? >> india: so my first initial thought was, llaka spread for f
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want to watch the show, which i hope they will want to watch th show to ensure speedy and then then put each one they should stop and then continue because they can't miss full episodes >> jimmy: mania family edit you can make for them >> india: that's perfect our directors cut, family cut, very good >> jimmy: and these characters are are going to be seen, these are real people from history? seek a market completely so queen charlotte for the queen o england and king george was the king of england spewing, yeah, right >> john: so they are historical figures but queen charlotte is documentary taking two figures from history and making them into the bridge and -- sfair. >> jimmy: congratulations, are you ready for this? it ie the billboard but it's goingtoe [ala bridg, usually popular.u'z
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>> jimmy: you will be all right? >> india: i think so. i'm going amazing support and the fandom of tran39, i don't know if any of you are here [applause] >> india: are just phenomenal >> jimmy: and joy lsp -- week o peace is what i'm saying 33 thank you very much 21 "queen charlotte: a bridgerton story" premieres on netflix. thank you, mullaney cannot be right back with
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june 1st their first this heartbeat highly regular television debut with the song, "loving you," cannons [♪ music ♪]
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i love the way our bodies move [post-chorus] i was made for loving you my heart is beating like a drum and my head is numb, ah-ah we're getting lost in the rhythm
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of the rattle and hum
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is. is nightline tonight
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tragedy in texas. tragedy commuy morning in a desperate search for answers, you actually heard the screams of the victims can't get them outa my head after another deadly mass shooting on american soil can't get them ou head.can soil can't get them ou >> after another t were warningo missed and what we're learning about the victims. war plus trun trial.d what we are learning ab the victims. plus trump on ai. a jury now jury now ready to decide the former president's faith in the battery and defamation case. when you're a star, they lete in the ba you domation case. it. you can do anything. you want them by the roll the infamous access hollywood tape played. historically that's true with stars. unfortunately unfortunately doubling down during his deposition, never seen a civil case.

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