tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 12, 2023 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
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time right now on jimmy kimmel charlie day. have a great weekend. happy mother's day. previously on jimmy kimmel live. >> it is a miracle. [laughter] >> oh oh. >> i did not see that. >> announcer: from hollywood, it is "jimmy kimmel live," tonight, charlie day, padma lakshmi and music from bebe rexha.
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and now - jimmy kimmel.e] [cheers & applause] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome. thank you. [applause] >> jimmy: thank you for joining us here in our studio. i am glad you are in a good mood. you know what -- [applause] >> jimmy: you know what today is? today is may 1st, can you believe it, guillermo? it is may first. >> guillermo: i can't believe it. >> jimmy: the calendar clearly predicts this would happen. our nation's newscasters left in disbel >> can you believe it? it is already may? >> can you believe it is already may? >> it seems like april went by so fast. >> when june comes. >> may 1st, it is hard to
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believe we are in the fifth month of the year already. the year is flying by. it is hard to believe that we are already in may. >> hard to believe that we are in may, right? >> hard to believe we are in the first day of may. >> can you believe it is may already? >> gosh, can you believe it is already may? >> can you believe it? >> it is may. >> it is may 1st. >> can you believe it is may already? >> jimmy: it is so wild, it is really wild. [applause] what's next? june? [laughter] >> jimmy: speaking of unbelievable, i don't know what to make at this. this happened at halftime of the grizzlies game on friday. big night for lakers fans. the most, the most devastating lost came during one of those contests where they gave fans 30 seconds to make a shot. the fan in this case is 13-year-old. one thing i will show about him is he's a showman.
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>> are you ready >> i am ready. >> he's born ready. >> on your mark, get so, go, cooper! go for it. you are on the clock. he's putting the ball down. hyping the crowd! fans, make some noise for cooper! cooper, you got 15 seconds for tent-point. fans, make some noise for cooper! he's got eight seconds. cooper, he's got five seconds. oh, close, cooper! >> jimmy: oh, only if he had more time. that's such a cooper thing to do, is it? he did not win free tuition to summer lake basketball campus. it is a shame, if there is any kid that needs to learn about basketball is cooper.
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>> president biden took a few shots a the correspondents dinner. trump never went to this event when he was in office. trump was absent at day four of his rape trial in new york today. he's out of the country right now. he's in scotland visiting -- him in the blue hat, that's donald trump. i am pretty sure he's burying an ex-wife and after scotland he'll go onto ireland and he'll stay at the trump international hotel at dune bag. like when he got duned and spanked stormy daniels. next week trump will do a town hall on cnn. which has to be a real punch for fox news. he had not appeared on cnn before the election since 2016. he loves the cnn work and he's
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annoyed of fox news. they dropped a lemon and added an orange to their lineup. don lemon, this is interesting. ever since he and tucker carlson were fired on the same day, don and tucker had the same lawyer, reportedly texting each other. they had their own we got fire fest on texts. it is like when your two angry exes forming an alliance, no good can come from it at all. i want to say congratulations to tucker carlson on making his first black friend. [laughter] [applause] >> jimmy: i mean it is a step in the right direction. [applause] >> jimmy: speaking of black friends, mike pence -- wait, he's a white guy, right? always forget that. mike, if anyone knows what it is like to go through a public break up, it is the former vice poodle mike pence who's get to announce whether he's running for president even though he's clearly running for president. when asked about his time with
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his former boss/future opponent, mike has a perfect pencil in line to describe it. >> the president and i had a really close relationship at the white house. you can read about it in my book. i am incredibly proud and true, it didn't end well. the president and i had a close working relationship within four years. it didn't end well. for four years we had a close working relationship, it did not end well. our administration didn't end well. it didn't end well. >> obviously, the administration didn't end well. obviously, the administration didn't end well. the administration didn't end well. >> but, didn't end well. i think i am very clear in saying the administration didn't end well.
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>> hang mike pence! >> jimmy: yeah, that's not the fairy tail tale ending that you hoped for. mr. mike pillow, mike lindell h had to sell out five million dollars because of a contest he ran prove mike wrong. he would pay that person $5 million and a guy who happens to be a trump supporter did exactly that in the 15-page report, he proved his nonsense. and now an arbitrator ordered lindell to pay up. of course, he's lashing out. this is a man who knows his cyber technology. >> he's in the cyber room on the first day and he had asked other cyber guys how to use wired shark. which is a common thing that
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cyber guys use to open up any files or data in the cyber world. and so he didn't know how to do that, and -- [laughter] [applause] >> jimmy: all right, we just lost mike. we'll get reconnected with mike lindell. man, he does not know how to work his wi-fi. [applause] >> jimmy: he's -- he's somehow cracking the election fraud code. >> if you take that and take the machines out of our country, you know what's left? a trusting election and this country is 70% red everywhere. so -- um -- [laughter] >> hey, we just lost mike, laura, thank you for being with us. >> jimmy: yeah, we forgot to pay our boost mobile bill this month. remember devin nunes, now,
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running truth social which is doing really great. it is -- it is the social media equivalent of an abandoned toys r' us , he's a powerful speaker. if you ever seen him, you will know. he's on the road with mike lindel. to celebrate with folks at reawaken puts together a song. it tells you all you need to know about this event. ♪ devin nunes, he does it with ease ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i know we can't agree
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on much? can we agree anyone who thinks that song is a good idea probably should not be running a country? this is a happenstance at the monica's this weekend. on friday night, orchestras playing, symphony, a woman in the crowd then has what was described as by fellow members as a loud and full-body listen. >> ah! >> jimmy: at the right moment, too. [laughter] why this happened? we did not know. i want to inform our studio audience if tonight's show brings you to full or harsher orgasm, please raise your hand so guillermo can escort you to the lobby, okay? [applause] [laughter] >> jimmy: some people -- some people believe the woman may have had a medical emergency
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that's why she made that sound. others sat near by her said - nope, it is an uber released their annual lost and found index. this is a list of stuff passengers say they left behind. they say april is the most forget full month. i can give you 420 reasons why more items were lost. some of the items left behind. it is a funny list included denture, weed, and a slushy machine. all from the same awesome grandpa, by the way. people criticize uber but for people who drink is a great thing because there is less temptation to get behind the wheels which is especially good. those of you know it is the drunkest street in america. to prove it, we ask people passing by, can you pass a sobriety test. you know the test that police
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give when they think you had too much to drink. the way it works, we'll meet a pedestrian, based on their solely introduction and we'll guess if that person can pass a field sobriety test, let's meet our first testy. >> hello, young lady, what's your name? >> janet. hey! >> jenny! >> yes, sir! >> could you pass a field sobriety test? >> jimmy: oh, what do we think? janae? no? >> toe to heel, say the alphabet. >> a, b, c, d, e, f, g -- s -- do i stop here? >> do the alphabet backward and walk the line. >> i can't do that, man! >> all right, officer, she's right here
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[applause] >> jimmy: who's next? >> what's your name? >> my name is kenny. >> where are you from? >> i am from dallas, texas. could you pass a field sobriety test? >> jimmy: how about kenny? will he pass the test? >> audience: yes. >> jimmy: about 50/50 on that. >> let me hear you do the alphabet backward. >> oh, [ bleep ]. >> y -- i am way >> you are almost done. >> give me about 15 more seconds. q. [laughter] >> jimmy: that tells me kenny could not recite the alphabet the regular way either. who do we have next? >> what's your name? >> my name is michael. >> where are you from? >> alabama. >> could you pass a field
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sobriety test? >> jimmy: what about michael? will he pass the test? >> audience: yeah! >> jimmy: everybody got a lot of confidence in michael, guillermo? >> guillermo: no, i don't think so. >> let's see what you got there? stone, cold, sober. [applause] >> jimmy: he thought it was a vape pen he's blowing into. perfect. our next pedestrian is -- >> tell us your name, sir. >> oh, >> what are you off to tonight? >> just relaxing. >> can you pass a field sobriety test now? >> jimmy: is this half man, half beast sober? all right, most people said yes.
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let's find out. >> put your paws out to the side and try to touch your horn. ladies and gentlemen, michael trones. [applause] >> jimmy: i guess -- [applause] >> jimmy: of course, he's sober, his mom got so drunk, she had sex with a goat. who's our next contestant? >> what's your name, young lady? >> >> hello. hello, y'all. my name is arina. >> could you pass a field sobriety test right now? >> what that mean? [laughter] >> jimmy: it is either a good start or a bad one. i am not sure why. pass or fail on >> you have a fox and chicken and a can of hard stelter, if you leave the fox with the chicken, it will eat it. if you are left alone with the can, you will drink it. how are you going get those
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things across the river? >> i am not! [laughter] [applause] >> jimmy: all right, we have one more. >> tell us your name, young man. >> rick. >> what are you doing out here on the boulevard tonight? >> i am celebrating my birthday. >> excellent. would you be able to pass a field sobriety test right now? >> jimmy: what do you think? birthday boy - all right? let's find out. no one is confident in rick. >> i want you to make a wish and blow that candle out. i want to see how much cake of that you can eat in 60 seconds. ready, begin! >> i have a birthday gift for you, are you ready? >>er another cake. [applause] >> rick, what was the wish?
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>> health for me and my family. >> jimmy: wow, you are off to a great start. happy birthday. we have charlie day is here and padma lakshmi is here. we have music from bebe rexha. we'll be right back. jimmy kimmel live brought to you by progressive. okay, everybody, look at the rv and smile. this is what you want for your family portrait? good point. we bundled the boat with our home and auto first. -hey, team, get on in here. -team? oh. fun. now everyone say "24/7 financial protection with progressive"! 24/7 financial protection with progressive! okay. let's get some singles of me on the bike. honey. yeah. [ leaf blower whirring ] [oven ding] we make sit-down chicken. stand-up chicken. backyard chicken... oops chicken. and all-smiles chicken. if there's one thing we know,
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songs for many, her latest music from bebe rexha. we have a special guest from the cleotones, jason myers. he made a donation set up to feed hungry people, we offered a chance to sit in with our band. jason won the sweepstake and now he's sitting with our band. just sitting though. he's not doing anything. welcome. don't touch any of the instruments. we got a good week of shows. we got melissa mccarthy, dr. phil and gina rodriguez and anthony kerrigan from "guardians from the galaxy" and the smashing pumpkins. please, join us for that. our first guest tonight is very funny and talented individual
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who has 15 seasons of its always sunny in philadelphia and a new movie he directed, it opens in theaters on may 12th. say hello to charlie day. [applause] >> charlie: yeah! >> jimmy: i was impressed, you and your guys, went over to london and ireland. you had sold-out shows there. those are foreign countries. >> charlie: in other parts of the world. >> jimmy: if somebody told you like almost 20 years ago whatever it was when you were writing it is always sunny and trying to get it on the air, 20 years later, you would be doing a podcast and so many people in other countries would come see you talk about this show. that would be a surprise, right?
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>> charlie: i would be like, well, you are dead. we are not going to fill a stadium of people just to hear us have a conversation. we did. we'll do it again. [applause] >> jimmy: yeah! [applause] >> jimmy: the venue you were at was the royal hall. a lot of history. >> charlie: i have a theory about this place. you know how there is this mystery like paul is dead and people are like, it is not the real paul mccartney. when you go into the bathroom of royal robert hall. i think he's dead and he's in there. the smell of that place - it is beautiful. you walk in and you walk into the dressing room and you are like -- this is the smell of ghost. >> jimmy: is it really that bad? >> it is a bit of an old smell. >> jimmy: wow, you don't think about that.
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the beetles wrote a song about how many holes there were many years ago. that was quite some time ago. >> charlie: there is a some of how many holes there are. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. >> charlie: which song is that? i don't listen closely to lyrics >> jimmy: you think some of the holes, some of the smells would go out of them. you did this big thing. by the way, i saw your buddy on saturday. him and his new best friend ryan reynolds. how does that -- what's going on there? is that causing you any -- jealousy? >> charlie: yeah, man, he's trying to trade up on me. >> jimmy: he comes up with this idea of soccer team or football team. >> charlie: he calls it football but it is soccer.
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>> jimmy: he's trying. >> charlie: that's all fine and i am proud of him. it is the fact that he's got the super handsome superstar best friend who keeps on like, you know, i made a billion dollar today, i sold a phone company. it is time for this guy to stop. >> jimmy: you need that. you need one of these guys like that. who would be your guy that you can buy a team with or something? >> charlie: i am talking to you, dicaprio, let's start hanging out. let's buy the mets or something. >> jimmy: mets are not for sale. you know hughes jackman, he and ryan, you steal one of ryan's friends from him. >> charlie: charlie had this high production birthday song for rob. >> jimmy: yeah, they do birthday videos for each other. >> charlie, i put in $100,000 in birthday gifts. it is like a bad movie in the
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1980s where the sport jocks steal your friends. >> jimmy: you can't find any love is what it is like. remember patrick dempsey betray his friends and they would [ bleep ] his house. that's what they are doing to you. >> jimmy: charlie: these guys, man. >> jimmy: i am angry for you. they did tell me a story of you being over there watching one of these games - well, would you mind telling me the story as you saw it because i thought it was interesting. >> charlie: we did a lot of great things over there. one of my favorite things, we went to a distillery. a famous irish distillery, we met by a man who's like the god father of making whiskey. we get off this bus and he's about 107 years old.
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he's got three whisk of hair and he's going to show us a tour. oh, boy, we got to get to the show. he's like are you boys ready? sure, let's go and he starts firing all over the place. he's firing, come in here boys. taste this, taste this. he gets up and he's like -- try that one. this guy goes all over the place. i am thinking to myself, if i can bottle up what this guy has at his age. he's 71 years old. he looks like [ bleep ]. drinking the machinery and just don't drink straight from the machines. >> jimmy: then you go to this game, and i didn't know this. i assume you were stun to learn this. you are not allowed to drink while you watch the game.
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this is no drinking. >> charlie: yeah. they do have a ryan reynolds private box where they look down. >> jimmy: you are not supposed to drink in that either. >> charlie: get out. >> jimmy: i got details. what you did was a violation, you won't be invited back to europe. >> charlie: they're not going to let me back in wales. >> jimmy: they caught you on camera. when you realize, hey, you are not allowed to do this and you just drank the whole thing on camera. [applause] >> charlie: yeah, no more beers. >> jimmy: and now it is gone, which is fine, that's reasonable. this is going to be good for me that i am not allowed to drink here. why did you get on the field? >> charlie: this is a big mistake. it is a great game, they win the game, very happy for rob and
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ryan. and, we go down to the field and they're like do you want to do the cool down with the boys? >> yeah, i do. i am like what is it? i am like you just sprint with the boys. yeah, sure. so, i line up with these guys who are young enough to be my children. we take off running as fast as we can. until halfway to the field, i am keeping up. then i realized that one of them is running with me the way you run with your child. like when you are holding his hand, he's like come on there, charlie, you are doing good there. they see they're supposed to keep running and so they keep going. when we get to the end of the field, the field is much bigger than the field my 11-year-old plays. you get to tend, it is done. now, we are going back. i may not make it all the way
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aroa aroa aroa arover rated. >> can i get you guys some chairs? >> no, we are standing. >> hey, guys, got those chairs for you. >> get them out of here. that's a silent charlie day in "fool's paradise," tell everybody the idea behind the movie. >> charlie: we start with ken jeong, he goes out of his way, it is emotional and and hilarious. we start with ken and he's down on his luck who just lost being in hollywood and he's fired by his one and only client. he happens to meet a man in a mental health facility who does not speak - who's
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the two of us collide and we go on a ride in hollywood and comedy happens. >> jimmy: let's go through some of these names jason and the -- you when? >> charlie: i shot the first pass in 2018 and right before i went into 2019, i changed my miepd and i shot a whole new chunk in 2021. i decided to take my time. >> jimmy: well, why not? >> charlie: it is my movie, i will put it out when i am ready. >> jimmy: jason bateman has a part on the film, how did you get him on the film?
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>> charlie: i was very lucky. i knew bateman in boston. i went to drop my son off at school one morning and i ran into it. oh, how is your movie coming? i wish i can play with you guys? come? i will stay up all night writing a role for you. he came down and comedian -- >> jimmy: it does not bother you when he says i will come play with you guys? like a character flaw, you know? >> no. >> jimmy: warm and open of you. it comes out next month, right? >> charlie: 16 seasons.
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[applause] >> jimmy: this is your friend rob who i mentioned too many times. he posted this on twitter. is this an episode or what's going on here? you got aaron paul and prine cranston. we are making fun of celebrities who celebooze. they say can we do it on your show. are you selling a boost yourself? >> they're great on the show. i can't wait for people to see that episode. >> jimmy: so, they're not playing walter white and jesse pinkman here? >> charlie: we are that's the dad and malcolm.
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>> jimmy: "fool's paradise" is out in theaters. we'll be right back with padma lakshmi. m urgency behind. check. when uc got in my way, i got lasting, steroid-free remission with rinvoq. check. and when my gastro saw damage, rinvoq helped visibly repair the colon lining. check. rapid symptom relief. lasting, steroid-free remission. and a chance to visibly repair the colon lining. check. check. and check. rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin cancer; death, heart attack, stroke, and tears in the stomach or intestines occurred. people 50 and older with at least 1 heart disease risk factor have higher risks. don't take if allergic to rinvoq as serious reactions can occur. tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. put uc in check and keep it there, with rinvoq. ask your gastro about rinvoq. and learn how abbvie could help you save.
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it is time to play who's upside down. blood is rushing to their head and they very well may pass out. wo could it be? >> it is me. [applause] >> thanks for playing "who's upside down." ♪ ♪ our miles. ♪ ehhhhhhh no. ♪ ¿cuáles son tus intenciones con mi nieto? google assistant: what are your intentions with my grandson? life's little problems, fixed on google pixel. the only phone engineered by google buy google pixel 7a and get pixel buds a-series.
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♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back, music from bebe rexha is on the way. our next guest is host of top chef, she's an author of cook book and "eater of welcome padma lakshmi. [applause] >> padma: hi, old friend, i have not seen you for over a decade. >> jimmy: the last time i saw you, you were about to host "top chef." >> padma: yeah, maybe? >> jimmy: what's the nation tasting like? >> padma: it is yummy. it is delicious. >> jimmy: is it? you go around
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and try different food from different places in the united states and puerto rico and u.s. territories? that's this week's episode, right? >> padma: they all drop on hulu and the first one is yes, in puerto rico. a lot of people think puerto rico in the country is immigrants. they are not. this is a colony. we go there and we feature many dishes but a dish called festaleish whether you get ketchup or not. that becomes a metaphor also for a big discussion and controversy in puerto rico about they should have state hoods, they are all the rights the mainland states have. they suffered a lot with the hurricane and trump throwing the paper towel. some people are saying no, we
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should be independence. food is a great meat for for olt of deep things in our culture. i use it like a trojan heart. there is a lot of delicious food in it. it is a political show and cultural show to love me and entertainment say what i want to say rather than say what i would say if i am in my soa it is a direct, as ambassador of immigration rights. [applause] >> jimmy: can we go back to ketchup for a second? where do you stand up on the ketchup on that? >> >> padma: i would imagine no ketchup is the way to go. >> jimmy: we'll have to settle it for
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>> ketchup is so divisive in so many ways. there are certain things that i do not need ketchup on like a hot dog. >> padma: whatnot? >> jimmy: is does not belong on there. >> no ketchups goes on the hot dog. i apologize to everyone in chicago, you are doing it wrong. >> people get so passionate about food and this is what makes chase the nation so great. >> i get mad at my kids. >> jimmy: we like it on other things. >> padma: like what? >> french fries? >> >> jimmy: yeah, and the hamburgers. >> padma: for me, i don't put eggs on my ketchup.
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he used to drive me cr >> jimmy: where the ketchup bottle or how did you do it? >> >> she's three months old that's taking away attention from me. >> do you eat like fast food or all joints? >> >> every time i come here, i get in n' out. >> jimmy: everybody loves it. >> padma: back in the day, i did a carl's jr. for the burger. i started eating meet only. one of the gateway drugs was the vacant west cheese burger. i am writing about it in --
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>> jimmy: boy, if you are quit being on vegetarian, i am going to jump in. this is something you are excited about. the sport illustrated issue, for someone my age, this is one of the biggest cultural events. do you mind if i show it to them? [applause] >> jimmy: there you are. it is sports illustrate. >> it is definitely meaning folsom. >> i would have killed for it when i was in my 20s and a model because it is the wholly grail. they never call me for anything like this. i thought that ship had passed. >> when i got the call now, you know, a few months ago, i was like [ bleep ], really? >> i didn't believe the news on the phone and then i started
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freaking out. i got to go to the gym. lucky, i was already hitting the gym pretty hard bauns it is been a month since i got home at top shelf. >> jimmy: how many people? >> padma: 8,000 or 9,000 a day. >> jimmy: >> 5,000. >> keep it moderate. next time, we'll do an easy contest. i will challenge you. hot dog with no ketchup. >> if we eat guillermo later, we won't put ketel marte check up. season two premiers on friday,
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♪ i took a one-way ticket, it is a one-man mission to paradise ♪ ♪ last night, i got higher ♪ ♪ than a satellite ♪ ♪ i made a bad decision ♪ ♪ baby, now, i am starting ♪ to feel all right ♪ ♪ we can do it again ♪ ♪ dancing outside my body ♪ ♪ don't even try to stop me ♪ ♪ say what ♪ ♪ dancing outside my body ♪ ♪ do you copy ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ come on ♪
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♪ ♪ >> announcer: this is "nightline." >> juju: it tonight, subway chokehold. the marine veteran now charged with second-degree manslaughter in the controversial death of a homeless passenger. the incident sparking discussions about mental health and public safety. plus, deliver king. bulging biceps and sixpack abs made him a social media sensation. advocating extreme workouts and eating raw organ meet. was at all a lie? >> i was taking performance-enhancing drugs. it led people to believe that wit
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