wonderful weekend. >> from hollywood, it is "jimmy kimmel live." tonight, andy samberg jimmy kimmel. [cheers and applause] >> thank you. i am jimmy. welcome to the show. thank you for coming. it was an exciting day for everyone with an iphone. more than 30 new emoti

coming to the iphone. which do you use the most? >> the beer an >> when you text with me, it the prayer hands. the new emojis include a jellyfish, and ginger. thank goodness. i have been begging for ginger. a jellyfish and a hairpin and still no meatball. how many angry faces do i have to send before i get the meatball and moji? the ncaa basketball tournament is underway right now.

it is the time of year when the sun crosses the equator and the cloud cover parts to reveal a remote mountain valley where gonzaga university is fabled to exist even though it only lives and our imaginations. i have been sounding the alarm that it is not a place, it is a fake full name cooked up to win basketball tournaments. i get pushback from the students and staff who go to gonzaga, the same way santa and his elves go to the north pole. it is the george santos of universities. tomorrow they play grand canyon university, which sounds made up. i don't want to get into an argument with the people about whether they exist. i am afraid of ghosts. donald trump is having a bad week. it may be his last week as an

unindicted man. remember the call he made asking the georgia secretary of state to find him 11,000 votes? there is another recording of a call made to the georgia speaker of the house. a member of the grand jury heard tromp trying to pressure the state speaker to overturn the election. he tried to order the presidency like it was a stuffed crust pizza. lindsey graham said he was so crazy that someone told him aliens came down and stole tromp ballots, tromp would have believed it. it would have been more plausible than what they did tell him. that is what is happening in georgia. prosecutors in new york are saying criminal charges are likely in the stormy daniels hush money case. tromp said he did not do

anything there. he did not have an affair and rudy giuliani said there is nothing to see here at all. >> he did not commit a crime. >> the stormy daniels matter, there is stormy. i don't think you have to be a lawyer to understand this. if you want to write a check and give it to somebody, you can. >> there is nothing weird about having your lawyer write a check to a porn star. presidents do that all the time. whoever did it. reagan did it. roosevelt did it. why do you think they called him chester arthur? because he loved porn stars. who believes this argument? joe seems to have been born in

the ashtray of rudy giuliani's lincoln continental. he holds meetings in the back office of the bada bing. >> what he is is victim. when did we decide to prosecute extortion victims? >> ralph montiel had better representation then donald trump has with this man. tromp is going to jail for a zero years a thousand, nothing in between. the justice department released footage used to convict one of the trumper's who attacked the capitol. she very sweet.

>> don't tell me. >> i cannot believe that woman is the governor of arkansas now. st. patrick's day begins in a few minutes. we have many traditions. none more cherished than this one. in the middle of march, we turn the clock back to 2006 when there was a report about a leprechaun siding that is the single greatest news story of all time. >> curiosity leads to large crowds.

>> it looks like a leprechaun to me. who else a leprechaun? >> but what do the eyewitnesses say? >> the eyewitnesses say he only comes out at night. if you shine a light in his direction, it disappears. >> that is the mona lisa of amateur sketches. it should be hanging in the louvre or the living room of my home. >> others have come up with their own theories and explanations. >> it told him to get up in the tree and play a leprechaun. >> a pretty solid explanation t me. happy st. patrick's day and

don't do. the price of beer is up because of inflation and supply and other factors. we thought it would be nice to give people on the street a chance to win cash. the boulevard lou is with our first contestant. have you vetted these contestants? have you met them? >> i have. they are nice, kind, and they need money. >> i am from connecticut. hartford, connecticut. >> you are here on vacation? >> spring break. i came with my cousin. >> you have a cousin named lynn?

>> what an unimaginative family. >> you won't believe my aunt's name. roslyn. >> i am going to ask you to identify whose faces on a coin and if you get it right, you keep the coin that if you lose. you can walk away at any time. th on the penny? >> abraham lincoln. >> that is c you have a penny in the bank. do you want to keep that penny? do you want to risk it and keep going? >> i want to keep going. >> i like that. whose face is on the nickel? >> i believe it is thomas jefferson. >> that is correct.

you have $0.06. do you want to keep going? >> i want to keep going. >> whose face is on the dime. >> dime, for d. franklin d. roosevelt. >> may be two people in the audience know the answer to that. you have $0.16. this might be the most anyone has one. do you want to keep going? >> i think so. >> she is going to keep going. >> who is on the corner? >> george washington.

>> that is correct. it is george washington. is anyone else's heart racing? >> mine is. >> you have $0.41 now. this is where it gets tough. the 50-cent piece, do you want to guess or keep the money you have? >> i want to guess. >> who was on the 50-cent coin? >> i think it is jfk. >> that is correct. [applause] >> unbelievable. this is an airing live and 115 countries right now. you are on a roll. we are going to go to the paper money. who is on the dollar bill? >> george washington.

>> do you want to keep going? who was on the $5 bill? >> abraham lincoln. >> that is correct. let's add this up. $6.91. you can take that, walk out of here, never look back, take it and go and spend it on a muffin or something. or, you can keep going. what do you want to do? >> she wants to keep going. the greatest contestant ever on this game. who is on the $10 bill? >> the $10 bill is >> it is hamilton.

alexander hamilton. holy cow. >> she is on fire. >> i have forgotten the total and i will have to add it up again. you have i don't know how much. >> 1696. do you want to keep the money or keep going? >> i want to keep going. >> it is hard to believe him a few days ago i was hosting the oscars. as on the $20 bill. >> 20 is andrew jackson.

>> the audience is going crazy in here. there are only two bills left. we have a 50 and a 100. do you feel confident to keep going. >> those are my favorite. >> you have $36.96. who was on the $50 bill? >> grant. >> grant is right. and let's go with this one, who was on the $100 bill? >> benjamin franklin. >> congratulations. >> we are witnessing history yoh that money? >> it is my birthday tomorrow, probably spend it and get myself a gift.

>> enjoy the biggest prize ever for on the money. only and is the kenton jennings of this game. incredible. give my best to all the other linens in your family. we have a good show tonight from the series, lucas gauges here. andy samberg. ♪ ♪ innovate. excite. thrill. that's what nissan does. ♪ but it starts with inspired design. designed from what move us to move you. ♪ to make you feel something. every detail matters. now, is this just for the sake of design? no. it's for the thrill. ♪

oh this one's my backup, inhappens to the firstne. [crunch] mmm. see. get one favorite like 10 piece chicken mcnuggets and get another for just a buck, right now at mcdonald's. ♪ ♪ are we close? google assistant: turn left in four miles. ♪ ehhhhhhh no. ♪ ¿cuáles son tus intenciones con mi nieto? google assistant: what are your intentions with my grandson? life's little problems, fixed on google pixel. the only phone engineered by google buy google pixel 7a and get pixel buds a-series.

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us and later, she has written for beyonce and more. she is riding for herself. ray from the mercedes-benz stand. next week we have shows including jeff goldblum, jennifer hudson, giancarlo esposito, music from larken poe and depeche mode. join us for all of that. our first guest is an emmy-winning actor and lonely island inhabitant who you can hear while imagining him in segments. it premieres wednesday on comedy central. please welcome andy samberg. ♪ ♪

good to see you. thanks for coming. are you okay? >> recently had acl surgery and my doctor said i wasn't allowed to walk from there to here without a brace and i didn't want my jeans to look wimpy so i went with that. >> i think he went with the right choice. are you walking around on crutches or do you have a chair? >> i finally got off the crutches. >> how did it happen? >> i was playing soccer and i planted my foot and it exploded. my knee exploded and everyone heard it pop and i knew knew it was bad because everyone walked over and went --

[laughter] are you okay? >> you and john mullaney were supposed to be guests and i tested positive for covid. >> for the second time. >> and it a long story. i asked if you would host the te show for me an interview each other and i thought it was great. did you have fun? >> it was not fun. super stressful. i found i did not like the job. it is weird being back because i know, having hosted, how much you hate the guests. sitting across from you, i know jimmy likes me at the show, but when i am behind the desk, do

you want to talk about your project? >> are you projecting? >> john is my friend, but during the show -- >> it seemed like you had a good time. do you fill out ncaa brackets? >> i do. since i was going to be on television, i do the brackets every year and i thought this year i would put my picks on the record so people would know how legit, because the reality is if you get it right, it is a huge deal. >> if you get it wrong, nobody will remember. who do you have? >> i want to say a few picks because i am daring and i think people are going to be like what. in the south bracket i have zip

lock state and then have texas tn day and then i have duke newcomb and then i got in the ohio state school of clowning. after that i have perdont. then i have zen day estate. then i have a good run of picks. i am going to do the east now. colgate, crest, aqua fresh, they are usually not good at sports and then sensodyne state. culinarytgifthe tallass

then i have missed mcgillicuddy's school for wayward dentists. university of france. >> university of france is in this one? >> thanks for having me on. i have hogwarts. i am picking and i think i have some a three-point shooters. >> do you have uti there? >> uti is there. >> what bracket are we in now?

>>e are fheveomy. you see santa claus, the burger king kids club and my last pick, whatever school they went to in the mighty ducks three. those are my picks. >> we will put those on our website so people can you brought something, this is not a goof. it is a letter you wrote when you were eight years old. to yourself. >> my mom has been cleaning out in the basement and she sends me boxes of stuff. i open this box, i was in third grade, eight years old and they asked me to do a thing where you write what you think you are going to be doing in 20

years. >> do you want me to read it? >> andy samberg will be 20 years -- 28 yea o.d ke loof money. after he has made $2 million, he will get married and have two kids. he will make them clean the kitchen while he watches the football game. and he will give them $10 a week for allowance. his kids will be happy and he will be very happy. the end. this is crazy. >> it is shocking how accurate it was. >> you have a wife and two kids. >> do you give them allowance? >> instead of allowance, we just give them everything they ask for all the time, no matter

what. we feel that is going to be a good way for them to learn about the world. >> that is pretty great. i love that you have that. you must have been so when you found that. >> might be asyic pks. andy samberg is here. we will be right back. ♪ ♪ (woman #3) with verizon's new myplan, i get exactly what i want. and only pay for what i need. (man #2) now i'm in charge... ...of my plan. (vo) introducing myplan from verizon, the first and only plan where you choose what goes in, from apple music to disney bundle. so you get exactly what you want and only pay for what you need. and it all starts at just $30. on the network you want. because it's your verizon. could i get the 10 piece chicken mcnuggets?

wait no, big mac. hmm. [honk] sir? i'm still here! uhhh. get one favorite like a big mac or 10 piece chicken mcnuggets and get another for just a buck, right now at mcdonald's. st relief with tums.res and get another for just a buck, tlo food ck

>> that is andy samberg. you can see him wednesday night on comedy central. you play an indiana jones type adventurer. >> archaeologists are the coolest celebrity types in the world. >> i detect a little nicolas cage in there.

>> i used to do and impress them "snl" and my last season he came on the show and did it with me. he added something to the piece we did on the weekend update saying i was not doing an impression of him but a psychotic character of my own origination and i thought, you are right. i am going to make a show about that character. it did make me think it would be fun to do that voice and make it something new. >> does he know you base that on that? >> i don't see him sitting at home checking out comedy central. >> you follow south park. a lot of people do sit home and follow south park. you do a lot of projects, some of them with your friends.

when you're deciding what to do, do you just decide? >> i consult my team. >> how many people are on this team? >> nine? they are here. do you want me to bring them out? >> no. [cheers and applause] >> this is a baseball team. >> say hello to the calabasas cardinals. they are the best team west of the 405 freeway. >> i was thinking when most actors say they have a team, they mean an agent, manager. >> many people don't consider me to be an actor.

i am thought of as a guy who is in stuff. who is that? >> steven spielberg. >> tell him i cannot talk and i am doing opera right now. >> he cannot talk. he is doing opera. >> way to look alive. >> why did you say you were doing opera? >> because i wanted steven spielberg to be impres impressed. >> what you have going on? >> i am going to have to pass on that question. he gave me the take signal. that is why i pay him the big bucks. >> you pay these kids?

how much do you give them? >> 25%. these kids have carried me through a lot. when i wrecked my previous, they pulled me out of the driver's seat and put me in the passenger seat before the cops even showed up. when i tore my acl, one scored me meds off the dark web. we are like a family. what do we say? >> there is no i in >> unless? >> unless it's andie macdo

andie macdowell. you throw oranges at them. >> who wants to go to ckenites on me.? pull the van around. >> chicken bites. chicken bites. >> what a sweet thing you are doing with those children. >> i am about to destroy them. it is evil. >> thank you. we will be back with lukas gage. ♪ and i'm bringing you a love that's true ♪ ♪ so get ready, so get ready ♪ ♪ i'm gonna try to make you love me too ♪ ♪ so get ready, so get ready 'cause here i come ♪ ♪ get ready 'cause here i come ♪ get two entrees and an appetizer for $25.

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was it fun? nevermind, carl.

>> it is time to play what's your deal. >> what is your name? >> cory. >> what is your deal? >> and my selling something or what do i enjoy doing?

>> what is your deal? >> what is corey's deal? pirates, all-natural deodorant, spiders and insects, or anime? let's find out. >> spiders and insects. it is one of my favorite things. i like to see the hairs on their bodies and the eyes on their face. i let them crawl on my face sometimes. >> i would have guessed annamae. other than that, i would say annamae. -- anime. just like i stole kelly carter in high school. you got no game dude, that's a foul! and now you're ready to settle the score. game over. and if you don't have the right home insurance coverage, well, you could end up paying for all this yourself.

so get allstate, and be better protected from mayhem, yeah, like me. thanks, bro. take a lap, rookie. real mature. what's with the double mcnuggets? oh this one's my backup, in case something happens to the first one. [crunch] mmm. see. get one favorite like 10 piece chicken mcnuggets and get another for just a buck, right now at mcdonald's. ♪ ♪ why are there two extra seats? and get another for just a buck, are we getting a dog? a great dane? two great danes?! i know. giant uncle dane and his giant beard. maybe a dragon? no, dragons are boring. twin sisters! and one is a robot and one is a knight. and i'll be on the side of... the octopus. rawr!!! the volkswagen atlas. more room for possibilities. ♪ ♪

are we close? google assistant: turn left in four miles. ♪ ehhhhhhh no. ♪ ¿cuáles son tus intenciones con mi nieto? google assistant: what are your intentions with my grandson? life's little problems, fixed on google pixel. the only phone engineered by google buy google pixel 7a and get pixel buds a-series. >> what took you so long? >> i made your favorite.

-rachel: "she's gonna freak out." -ashley: "oh i know, i know." -steven: "it's been a minute since we've been up here." -ashley: "i'm really glad we're doing this." -rachel: "me too, yeah." ♪

-ashley: "that's her house right there!" -steven: "we're here." ♪

>> we are back. our next guest belle hopped his into the white lotus. welcome lukas gage. [cheers and applause] i was it going? >> it is going good. you were super funny on white lotus. >> congrats ton the oscars oscars. >> we are going to focus on your

excellence because you shot that as most people know, in hawaii, during the heat of covid. you lived together in this abandoned hotel basically. did you bond more than you might with another group of actors? are you still in close contact? >> you are locked in the four seasons with these comedians and there is nobody else in the hotel. i became very close with them. molly shannon and jennifer coolidge. a little fact about molly shannon is she loves reality tv stars and me, i also love reality tv stars. 90 day fiance, love after lock up, those that how.

the nexium cult. it actually happened. we shared a bond of that show and i started a group chat with the former members of nexium and 90 day fiance. >> how do you start a text chain with members of a cult? how do you get in touch with them in the first place? >> i tell them i am doing a law to research, i have to get into character -- no, no. i just say i am a huge fan and it is so brave they made the show. >> you gave them your telephone number. >> yes. we talk all the time. they are my only fans. >> and 90 day fiance, who are

the characters? >> darcy and stacy. i need them to find love and i am invested. >> do you text them about all manners of things? >> they keep killing it. i want her to find love. >> it is a very strange friendship. i am going to have to ask molly shannon about this. you brought a photo. please tell us what we are about to see. it may be shocking. >> as an actor, you are put lot of makeup

guys need facials, too. i went to get one and i am getting it done and she is looking at me really weird, very shocked by my face and she says you know your eyebrows are uneven. she said no, they are uneven. i don't listen to her, but i go home and look in the mirror and they are uneven. i go back, go to the facial list and say let's fix this and she gave me a unit of botox. >> that is supposed to fix the unevenness? >> i was obsessed with that highbrow since she said it. she said it is one little poke and it will be normal. >> this is what happened. how long did you have this half

closed? >> this is called ptosis. 2% of people who get botox get this. >> seems too high. >> she did not tell me beforehand. that was my high for six weeks and the character just has sunglasses on for the rest. i wrote this long letter about what if he gets a black eye or his wedding is coming up and they were like, we are just going to put you in sunglasses. >> it distracts from your uneven eyebrows. >> they are still uneven. >> your eyebrows are magnifi magnificent. [applause] i cannot imagine having better eyebrows than that.pll

to get shots in your face. >> it is a lesson for everyone. no one's is symmetrical. this was a hard and fast lesson learned that botox is not for me. >> it is great to have you here. season four is on netflix now and if you are member of a cult, signed him on instagram. we will be right back. (peyton) you've got the force field, the moat, the saucy sheriff. no matter your cookout plate strategy... (duke) bush's baked beans make burgers taste better.

(peyton) i love me a saucy sheriff.

(jay) roll that beautiful bean footage. (peyton) zero. (duke) zilch. (peyton) nada. (duke) bupkis. (peyton) the old goose egg. (duke) bush's zero sugar added baked beans. our secret family recipe, now with zero added sugar. lukas gage. first, here with the song of ice cream man, raye. >> he told me i really like what you are doing, come round to the studio, let's cook it. come to catch a vibe and make some music. i should've heard what he was saying, trying to touch me, i'm

not playing. i should have left as soon as i walked in. i felt his ice-cold hands, having the play the price now. everything you did left me alone -- and i didn't say a word against that proves that i'm a woman because i'm a very strong woman and then i'll be if i let a man where when how i walk, talk, how i do it. i have been broken for a moment. it is even harder to be brave. i am a very strong woman.

i was seven, 21 was 17, who was 11. took a while to understand what my consent means. if i was ruthless they'd be in the penitentiary. i pushed it down but it was living in me and i fell into some things that weren't healthy, a place where no one hurt me, asking them to help me. i needed help, eyes called hands and i pay the price now. no i didn't say a word i guess that proves i'm a woman i'm a woman, a v strong woman and i will not let a man where when how i walked,

how i talk, how i do it. i've been broken for a moment, it is harder to be brave and lord i was a girl and now i'm a woman. i wish i could say how i felt and explain why i am blaming myself because i put on these faces pretending i am fine and i go to the always going around in my head. your fingerprint stucco stain on my skin. you made me free myself for your sin. you pathetic excuse for a man.

a very strong woman. [applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

>> this is "nightline." >> tonight, subway death. protest after jordan neely's funeral. >> a citizen was allowed to be the judge, the jury and executioner. >> his choke hold death causing a national debate. >> anybody who has ridden the subway may come into contact with someone who is having a mental health episode. >> a family member speaking to abc news. plus, prisoners of the snow. inside the plane crash that captivated the