Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  June 6, 2023 11:35pm-12:36am PDT

11:35 pm
ama: thank you for watching. dan: from hollywood. it's jimmy kimmel live. tonight anthony mackie, chris destefano and music from gracie abrams with cleto and the cletones. and now , jimmy kimmel. for thank you. thank.
11:36 pm
it's too much. i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. thanks for braving the elements to be here. wow you guys must be from out of town because us, you must be from strong places because we saw some weather today. we don't ever see here. we got hit with rain. we got hit with hail. we even got a light dusting of snow in southern california. in hollywood. it even had the audacity to snow on the hollywood sign. and of course, everybody's complaining about how this is a great example of how different la is from other places. the earth itself moves in the middle of the night. we don't even get out of bed. but a little just a little bit of snow. we will not leave the house. we're scared. you okay, guillermo? everything all right at home? it's freaking cold. jimmy. yeah when is the last time you saw snow here? oh wow. long time ago. and. and he's an actual snowman, so it's a long time ago. yeah and by the way, compared to the rest of country,
11:37 pm
we have a very easy in michigan, hundreds of thousands of houses are without power. there's a huge snow and ice storm there, which became as surprisingly good news to an announcer at a high school basketball game in hamilton, michigan, 57 to 45 five hawkeyes. take it home. lusk makes his way over to the student section and lost cause the snow day breaking news. let's just called a snow day right? right here at the student section. oh, my goodness. who no school for me tomorrow. that kid really hates school. and he. it's funny, but that's a red flag right there . ag right there >> that kid really hates school. it's funny but that's a red flag they have to do something about that. the department of defense finally released an image of the
11:38 pm
chinese spy balloon the military shot down a couple weeks ago. look at this thing. a lot more elaborate than i thought. i thought it was a balloon, not a balloon carrying the husbandle space telescope. if it wasn't a spy balloon somewhere there's a 300 foot tall chinese toddler crying his eyes out right now. look at it again a selfie taking by the pilot you can see on a youtube plane. we have billion dollars satellites out there the only picture we have of of this thing is from this dude's iphone. are pilots supposed to be taking selfies when they fly a plane? and if you're wondering how they knew the balloon came from china turns out they forgot to take off the sticker, even though ufos are made in china. meanwhile investigation into trump and his efforts to steal the election in georgia is ballooning. i mentioned this last night. the 4-person special grand jury made the rounds on the cable news channels. her's name's emily coors and she's quite a character.
11:39 pm
>> thought it would be cool to get 60 seconds of president trump of me looking at him like do you solemnly swear and being able to swear him in i thought that would be an awesome moment. >> jimmy: for sure it would be awesome but gave trump and his lawyers now gave an opportunity to claim her doing interviews has poisoned the process and they're real stick letters for the rules at team trump. a big deal of backlash against this woman and as a result most of her social media accounts have been deleted with the exception of her pinterest page. they never go away they're like hbd. and it includes collection of wings associated with witch craft. so now when he calls it a witch hunt he can blame it on an actual witch. the judge in the case said emily didn't do anything wrong the only thing she can't discuss are deliberations she had with the grand jurors. which she didn't do. she's allowed to talk about anything else including the final report. so probably the most that will
11:40 pm
happen is trump's happen will have an opportunity to file newsens objections and delay the verdict which is his strategy for anything. he's almost 80. if he can delay long enough he'll get the ultimate get out of jail for free card. we have an update on the investigation into the january 6th insurrections, special counsel issued a subpoena for ivanka trump and her husband jared kushner which i don't know the point of subpoenaing ivan ca. you know she's just going to plead the saks fifth. right? is donald trump your philadelphia snr i do not recall. serving jared raises important and legal questions like can you subpoena a mannequin? meanwhile danny donald has been trying to exploit the poison us situation in east palestine ohio for political gain. he went there yesterday to drop off crates of trump water. not a joke. trump ice. crates of them, and also lash out at president biden. his response to the toxic train
11:41 pm
remembering. trump told loss that the biden administration showed indifference and betrayal, but turns out, you're not going to believe this, there's more to the story t trump claimed he was there to help so when secretary of transportation pete buttigieg showed up today he was asked how he might be able to help. >> so one thing you can do is express support for reversing the deregulation that happened on his watch. i heard him say he had nothing do do with it in his administration. so if he had nothing to do with it and it was done in his administration against hill will maybe he could come out and say he supports us moving in a different direction. >> aim sure he'll do that that sounds like him. what he's referring to is during the trump administration the republican led congress eliminated rail safety measures that could have prevented an accident like, like this. even his foxy friends want to claim the trump administration is to blame. >> speaking of white house,
11:42 pm
apparently regulations regarding train safety were changed during the trump administration. this particular railroad and others lobbied president trump to dismantle an obama era rule, but it mately the trump administration undid that and said the costs exceeded the benefits. >> jimmy: trump said the same thing about buying eric swimming lessons. even those his own psycho pants are pointing signatures trump said he had nothing to do with it at all. >> what do you make of buttigieg's criticism of you pulling back regulations. >> no, that had nothing to do with it. no, he has to work on the airports, we've never had airports like this we're like a third world nation. >> when do you this i the last time he went to an airport was? 19, i don't know, 79. the last time he was at an airport the stewardesses were working when they were at work. dummy who could have stayed out of this, but fortunately for him
11:43 pm
he has a defender in donald j junior. >> pete buttigieg is taking some personal time because 19 days isn't enough time plus the time he spent chest feeding while we were in the midst of a supply chain crisis and 350 million americans were depending on him to do his dam job. but there is no accountability. there's not even an expectation of these guys doing their jobs. >> and what is your job exactly? i mean, seriously, besides yelling at your laptop, what is it that you do for a living? what do you write on your tax returns? son? donald trump jr. is the only giem in america who claims himself as a dependent. fox news, by the way, they're not having a great week. over the weekend, very damming text messages were released between some of their on-air hosts that revealed, in print, that they knew they were lying to their viewers about trump's
11:44 pm
imaginary election fraud. and whenever they get cornered, they turn to an old friend to distract, artificial outrage. first it was the green m&m, then it was the gender neutral mr. potato head and now the latest threat to america is disabled friendly legos. >> lego is going woke, the company unveiling a range of new characters in the effort to be more inclusive. lego says the new characters will promote diversity and understanding, some will have anxiety issues i don't know how you show that. one will have a missing limb and one with down's syndrome. these are really important issues. do you want lego in there. >> definitely not but what's so fascinating about this story is divide in the country. republicans think it's insane that they're forcing identity politics into legos. democrats are upset they didn't make a drag queen stripper. >> jimmy: yeah. i have to admit i am pretty bummed about that. i was thinking about organizing a march to protest. why anybody would be upset about a lego that represents people that are missing a leg, i have
11:45 pm
no -- i mean they're going -- they're called legos, not leg os. so much anger directed at legos considering most of them had lego hair cuts. that's how it goat. guys instead of scabbily bitching about these products. make your own, nobody's stop i can you, make your own hoe mow phobic potato dudes or little plastic bricks to build a wall around a sombrero. do whatever you want. i have some fox news for you, you're embarrassing yourselves. >> have gone woke. >> dis is going woke. >> our healthcare system is going woke. >> investmentments going woke. >> the thamd french cathedral going work. >> microsoft word going woke. >> one of america's favorite candy going woke. >> victoria going woke. >> pizza hut has gone woke. >> wal-mart going woke.
11:46 pm
>> nfl going woke. >> baseball going woke. >> the national hockey league apparently gone woke. >> cambridge dictionary going woke. >> google going woke. >> army is going woke. >> my little pony is going woefrjts captain america going woke. >> mini mouse is going woke. >> wordle is going woefrjts video games going woke. >> woke media, woke agenda. >> woke algorithm. >> woke universities. >> woke prosecutors, woke pentagon, woke apocalypse. guess who's going woke? the muppets. >> oh, not kermit, too. they're right. things are a mess. speaking of embarrassing, george santos, just when he thought it couldn't get worse than stealing puppies from the am i shall we found it yes it k according to vice news misrepresentative santos lied about helping sick children on his campaign web site he claimed he and his family helped children with eb a
11:47 pm
rare genetic disorder but no record of george santos or anyone associated with him ever doing doing anything with children with eb apparently part of his work with the fake a wish foundation. how many lies are they going to uncover. we've been goofing on george santos for a month now. somebody this good at making stuff up doesn't belong in congress he belongs in hollywood. we learned he's not a former college ball player, not a ninja, not banksy not the real slim shady never dated char 0 didn't invent the flow bee, doesn't train dolphins tnot in weezer, wasn't salt, wasn't pep a, wasn't the copper tone baby, not the philly fanatic not the mandalorian not one of oprah's favorite thing and his me is in doesn't speak french. and i'm sure there will more notes by tomorrow but until then there's an organization that has been designated to handle just
11:48 pm
this sort of thing. >> do you or anyone you know suffer from a symptom called bs. >> i was a drag queen in brazil. >> jimmy: bs symptoms including lying about your resume, lying about your name, lying about your volleyball. lying about your sick dogs, lying about your mother dying in 9/11 11 and every aspect of your life. fortunately there's help. you can help politicians the suffering from bs with a donation to the government emergency organization regarding growing epidemics surrounding advanced neurological topics or symptoms. george santos. >> what do you have to say about money. >> huh? >> large and generous contribution, george santos will fight bs giving your congress people more time to steal puppies from the am i shall. please write a check to george santos today. and help beat the bs. >> i'm president michael jordan
11:49 pm
santos and a prove this message. >> jimmy: all right. hey, we have a good show for you tonight. chris distefano is here, we have music from gracie abrams and we'll be right back with anthony mackie. ♪ (vo) consumer reports evaluates vehicles for car shoppers in... reliability, safety, owner satisfaction, and road-test evaluations... and the results are in. subaru is the twenty twenty-three best mainstream automotive brand, according to consumer reports. and subaru has seven consumer reports recommended models. solterra, forester, outback, crosstrek, ascent, impreza, and legacy. it's easy to love a brand you can trust. it's easy to love a subaru. what's with the double mcnuggets? oh this one's my backup, in case something happens to the first one. [crunch] mmm. see. get one favorite like 10 piece chicken mcnuggets
11:50 pm
and get another for just a buck, right now at mcdonald's. ♪ (music plays throughout) ♪ ♪ ♪ another round? i'm good. ♪ let's do a song ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (upbeat music) ♪ ( ♪ ) are we close? google assistant: turn left in four miles.
11:51 pm
ehhhhhhh no. ¿cuáles son tus intenciones con mi nieto? google assistant: what are your intentions with my grandson? life's little problems, fixed on google pixel. the only phone engineered by google. get the new google pixel 7a for free, plus get pixel buds a-series 50% off. who says you can't go for bold? without going broke... get the brands you want, the prices you want, whenever you want. tj maxx. where you can always afford to be you to the maxx. i'm steve. i lost 138 pounds in 9 months tj maxx. on golo and taking release. golo saved my life. i was way overweight, and that's what sent me down the path, was i--i wanted to make sure and live for my kid. plain and simple.
11:52 pm
11:53 pm
♪ >> jimmy: tonight on the new upcoming show on vice tv, the super maximum retro show, the very funny chris distefano is with us and later a stadium tour with taylor swift as well as her own tour her
11:54 pm
album good rid answer comes out tonight gracie abrams. tomorrow night we'll be here with a new show joined by maverick himself, tom cruise will be here, camilla morrone will be with us and music from walk off the earth so please join us for all that. our first guest tonight the artist formally known as falcon currently captain america. the pugh movies swapped superhero with the super natural, on netflix, please welcome anthony mackie! >> how you doing? i haven't seen you in quite some time how are you. >> i know man i was on a little program but i got off it called
11:55 pm
covid. >> jimmy: i think we were all kind of on it right? >> we was on it. >> jimmy: so did you go to mardi gras. oh, yeah, you were. >> anthony: yeah, mardi gras was the day before yesterday. >> jimmy: you're from new orleans, very proudly from new orleans. >> anthony: yes, sirs >> jimmy: curious because i grew up in las vegas and people find that fascinating, oh, my gosh what's it like. what's it like growing up with mardi gras? do you go to that? >> you go as kids with your parents and run around with us i always had the competition of who could catch the most cups because all year you drink from those cups. like i never drank from a cup from a store until i was like 22. we didn't have fine china we had mardi gras cups. >> jimmy: so if you were good at catching you had to just drink out of your hands. >> anthony: no you stand under the older people and every time a cup come you bump them and get their cups. i used to get stacks. and when you go out with your friends everybody leaves home with a cup and who knows where that cup will end by the end of
11:56 pm
the night. >> jimmy: right. whoa, how about that. i knew about the beads. >> anthony: yeah, well the beads a whole different thing. nobody keeps beads. >> jimmy: nobody keeps the beads. >> anthony: no because a week later you wear beads on your flight and people like i wonder what he did for those beads and then you go home and your neck is green and your girl's mad at you, you've got like a bead rash. so cups, that's the way to go. >> jimmy: that makes a lot of sense. you were the king right? that's a big deal. >> anthony: i was the king of mardi gras. >> jimmy: wow, they really dolled you up, too. >> anthony: i had a crown. see that thing around my neck that's called a dukele. >> jimmy: a dukele. >> anthony: yeah when you're the king you have to get duked. >> jimmy: why is it called a dukele. >> anthony: i don't know because it's a duke. >> jimmy: did you get to keep your dukele. >> anthony: you keep your duke. they put your name on your duke. >> jimmy: what do they call when they have the beads and the ma
11:57 pm
todayian. >> anthony: a debloom. >> jimmy: a debloom. >> anthony: people go around and collect them my brother had a debloom collection forever and then i kind of took them to all out and threw them away. >> jimmy: that's how it goes right. >> anthony: that's how it guys. >> jimmy: that's why things aren't collectables. >> anthony: because everybody had a little brother that toss them in the trash because they're old deblooms >> jimmy: i went to mardi gras a long time ago probably 20 something years ago and it was one of those things where you want to be a grand marshall in the parade. me and my friend adam corolla sure we would love to be the grand marshals and we get to this parade and we get to the bag with the beads and did deblooms on the end. and we look at them and on them was an image of tommy lasorda and we would be curious why we would be throwing out tommy lasorda deblooms and it turned out they originally committeded to tommy lasorda as the grand marshall. >> anthony: and he couldn't be
11:58 pm
there. >> jimmy: and tommy caned and we still threw them out. >> anthony: we are not re-doing the beads it's too expensive. >> jimmy: the look of confusion on everyone's face, oh, great, and then they would look and say huh, what's going on. >> anthony: do you remember which parade. >> jimmy: it was a bad one. >> anthony: you probably crossed the river. >> jimmy: it was a side parade. let a put it this way i did not have a dukele around my net. i wasn't wearing a crown just throwing out a zip lock bag of tommy lasorda. >> anthony: that sounds like the dodgers. >> jimmy: when you get older when do you really get to participate in the mardi gras festivities? how old. >> anthony: like 18, 19 is when you kind of break away and you go like the day before mardi gras you go to the french quarter on the riverfront you have food and they have stages out there. so the day before, that ne month, is when it gets hopping, when it's hot like school shopping because you're out there and it's all for you that day. >> jimmy: were you popular at
11:59 pm
those events with the ladies? >> anthony: wow, just specifically the ladies. yeah, whiffs 18 i was well known, yes. >> jimmy: you were. i had a feeling. >> anthony: i had a public access tv show. >> jimmy: you did? >> anthony: yeah. and we had -- my cousin we had a record label called take four records because we could only afford four takes so if you different have it by take four, we have to go on to the next bra. >> jimmy: that's great. >> anthony: we created the word, and this is true, we created the word twerk. >> jimmy: come on. you and your -- you and your cousin created twerk? >> anthony: no, no, no, no. the dude who was rapping created the word twerk but we were there when they made the word twerk. so that pretty much mean immay there. >> jimmy: wait. >> anthony: i'm taking some royalties. >> jimmy: who was the guy who created the word twerk.
12:00 am
>> anthony: this is true new orleans stuff, all right? so it was -- his name was d.j. jubilee. d.j. jubilee was a high school coach but he was a rapper and a d.j. so he had a group and he did these like dance songs. so we would throw parties at like saint mark's and the riverboat hallelujah. and i'm telling you right now everyone from new orleans is going crazy, instagram if you know anyone is going crazy because of these names. my favorite place was the riverboat hallelujah it was a party venue and we would throw these parties, three thousand, ten thousand people would show up and jubilee would get up there singing songs we was huge in the southeast. you go tow biloxi, you couldn't say my name. >> jimmy: and somehow you guys came up with twerk as the name for that dance. >> anthony: because it was called jerking. there was this girl she was jerking so hard, dude, was like
12:01 am
man she working, and the dude said man she twerking. that was the is ca calculation. >> jimmy: wow. guillermo do a little fact check on this will you. >> guillermo: i will in the commercial break. >> jimmy: all right. i mean, you might as well be thomas edison. >> anthony: that's me, that's me. >> jimmy: let's take a break. we're going to take a break. anthony mackie is here, his movie is called we have a ghost. we'll be right back. r thing ♪ ♪ come on now, let's roll now ♪ ♪ let it all out ♪ ♪ do your thing ♪ ♪ do your thing ♪ ♪ just do your thing ♪ spring moments made easy. that's totally target. (vo) crabfest is back at red lobster. when you can choose your crab, and one of three new flavors like honey sriracha... ...this is not your grandpa's crabfest...
12:02 am
...unless grandpa's got flavor. dayumm! crabfest is here for a limited time. welcome to fun dining. narrator: the man with the troublesome hemorrhoid enters the room. phil: excuse me? hillary: that wasn't me. narrator: said hillary, who's only taken 347 steps today. hillary: i cycled here. narrator: speaking of cycles, mary's period is due to start in three days. mary: how do they know so much about us? narrator: your all sharing health data without realizing it. that's how i know about kevin's rash. who's next? wait... what's that in your hand? no, no, stop! oh you're no fun. [lock clicks shut]
12:03 am
12:04 am
12:05 am
>> anthony: that was just her. that's why i was like, oh, we're going, oh, hello. it was all her. >> jimmy: i have a feeling people think she's too funny for us to write lines for. >> anthony: that's it swinging
12:06 am
for the fence. >> jimmy: it's an interesting for a movie, you buy a house for your family it's priced very low and turns out because there's a ghost in there. >> anthony: yeah, it's a fixer upper. the whole premise of the movie that says a family looking for a new start, they find this home, looking for a new home, they buy the home. little did they know the house is serviced with a ghost. so the young kid who doesn't really fit in who plays my son, he goes he finds the ghost and he befriends the ghost and we take the ghost and make it into a public spectrum of events. and the ghost becomes -- it's like harry and the hen der sons. is anybody here old enough to remember harry and the hen der sons? all right. so this is harry and the hendersons just with a ghost. if that's not a good enough sale nothing is. >> david harbor from stranger things et cetera plays the ghost. >> anthony: and if you've seen david he is harry from harry and the hendersonss
12:07 am
>> jimmy: yeah, he's big foot-esque in some ways. >> anthony: he's a big guy. >> jimmy: he has no lines in the movie. >> anthony: he kills it though. but everybody was jealous of him. >> jimmy: why? >> anthony: if i could come to work with no lines, imagine what the night before would be. i would be like weekend at better thanies, they would have to prop me up in there. >> jimmy: you could be twerking. >> anthony: i would be twerking all night. >> jimmy: they looked it up complete listtory of twerking and look at that, d.j. jubilee none other than. >> anthony: hey, jube remember this next time i see this, you owe me money. >> jimmy: i hope jube is making money from the twerking. >> anthony: jube been rich for a long time. >> jimmy: good. you shooting a captain america movie now? >> anthony: we start on the first in one week. >> jimmy: that's exciting. >> anthony: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:08 am
>> jimmy: is steve rodgers dead? steve rodgers, the original captain america? >> anthony: is he dead. >> jimmy: yeah, because we didn't see him die on camera. >> anthony: that mean he ain't dead. >> jimmy: okay. >> anthony: why you trying to kill steve? >> jimmy: i'm not trying --. >> anthony: that's age discrimination. ain't nothing wrong with an old cap. >> jimmy: you know what i'm doing i'm fishing for answers i know you're not allowed to give. >> anthony: i was like okay, old cap gets discount breakfast at ihop. >> jimmy: old cap is okay though? he's alive. >> anthony: i think so. i didn't see him die. i saw chris two weeks ago and he looked pretty good. >> jimmy: is this movie part of the multi verse. >> anthony: i don't know what that is. >> jimmy: is cain in this movie. >> anthony: big daddy cain? >> jimmy: not big daddy cain. >> anthony: if big daddy cain was in captain america.
12:09 am
>> jimmy: that would be good. that would be >> jimmy: you can confirm harrison ford is in it yes? >> anthony: funny thing i did a movie 20 years ago with harris son ford. >> jimmy: and you're doing another one now. >> anthony: no you can go see it. i did it 20 years ago. you can go see it. >> jimmy: what movie was that. >> anthony: hollywood homicide. i did three weeks of naval sale training i came up a sale and put together a gun threw a grenade rolled over, got to the premier and the director goes, hey, all your stuff made the dvd. so i'm like, yo! i'm on the dvd. so the premier, we walk in, we watching it. i turn to my agent, i go, yo, all my stuff made the dvd. he goes, who told you that? i'm like the director. 10 minutes left in the movie, i
12:10 am
haven't entered the movie yet. he made the dvd though. >> jimmy: oh, my god. wow. that's disappointing. >> anthony: that's my harrison ford story, that's all i got. >> jimmy: did you tell harrison this when you were on the set together? >> anthony: i literally onto met harrison ford when were on the set together for hollywood homicide. classic. classic. get the dvd. >> jimmy: well, it's great to have you here, congratulations on the twerking and the whole thing. >> anthony: hey, man, i appreciate it. >> jimmy: watch his movie called we have a ghost premiers tomorrow on netflix, we'll be right back with chris distefano. ♪ i think this is it guys? when the martins booked their vrbo vacation home, they really weren't looking for much: a patch of grass for bruno, a pool for first-timers, don't worry, i've got you. and time with each other.
12:11 am
and when they needed support, someone was right there. i got you. because what's unique about a vrbo is you can reach a real person in about a minute. ♪ could i get the 10 piece chicken mcnuggets? wait no, big mac. hmm. [honk] sir? i'm still here! uhhh. get one favorite like a big mac or 10 piece chicken mcnuggets and get another for just a buck, right now at mcdonald's. my a1c was up here; now, it's down with rybelsus®. and get another for just a buck, his a1c? it's down with rybelsus®. my doctor told me rybelsus® lowered a1c better than a leading branded pill
12:12 am
and that people taking rybelsus® lost more weight. i got to my a1c goal and lost some weight too. rybelsus® isn't for people with type 1 diabetes. don't take rybelsus® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cancer, or have multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if allergic to it. stop rybelsus® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, or an allergic reaction. serious side effects may include pancreatitis. gallbladder problems may occur. tell your provider about vision problems or changes. taking rybelsus® with a sulfonylurea or insulin increases low blood sugar risk. side effects like nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea may lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. need to get your a1c down? you may pay as little as $10 per prescription. (vo) this is sadie. she's on verizon. the network she can count on. and now she's got myplan. the game changing new plan that lets her pick exactly what she wants and save on every perk. sadie's getting her plan ready for a big trip. travel pass, on. nice iphone 14 pro! cute couple. trips don't last forever. neither does summer love.
12:13 am
so, sadie's moving on. apple music? check. introducing myplan. the first and only unlimited plan to give you exactly what you want, so you only pay for what you need. act now and get iphone 14 pro on us when you switch. it's your verizon. i've become a bit of an expert in suncare... an spf-icionando if you will. my bottle of choice? neutrogena ultra sheer. a lightweight blend that protects 6 layers deep with a smooth dry-touch finish. this round is on me. neutrogena ultra sheer.
12:14 am
12:15 am
>> it's time for sweater >> this is my sweater from
12:16 am
niagara falls i made it because it's where my wife and i went on our honeymoon. >> did you guys make sweet, sweet love? >> yes, very much so. the front has the canadian side and the back has the american side. >> sam, you look sexy as hell in that sweater. >> thank you. ( ♪ ) are we close? google assistant: turn left in four miles. ehhhhhhh no. ¿cuáles son tus intenciones con mi nieto? google assistant: what are your intentions with my grandson? life's little problems, fixed on google pixel. the only phone engineered by google. get the new google pixel 7a for free, plus get pixel buds a-series 50% off. what's with the double mcnuggets? oh this one's my backup, in case something happens to the first one. [crunch] mmm. see. get one favorite like 10 piece chicken mcnuggets
12:17 am
and get another for just a buck, right now at mcdonald's. they'll be here in 5, we ready? - there's uh... - oh. left. left. i don't have it. i don't have it. - keep going. - we should've used behr. yeah. today let's paint. right now, get america's most trusted paint brand at a new low price starting at $28.98. behr. only at the home depot. when moderate to severe ulcerative colitis keeps flaring, put it in check with rinvoq, a once-daily pill. when uc got unpredictable, i got rapid symptom relief with rinvoq. and left bathroom urgency behind. check. when uc got in my way, i got lasting, steroid-free remission with rinvoq. check. and when my gastro saw damage, rinvoq helped visibly repair the colon lining. check. rapid symptom relief. lasting, steroid-free remission. and a chance to visibly repair the colon lining. check. check. and check. rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin cancer; death, heart attack, stroke, and tears in the stomach or intestines occurred.
12:18 am
people 50 and older with at least 1 heart disease risk factor have higher risks. don't take if allergic to rinvoq as serious reactions can occur. tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. put uc in check and keep it there, with rinvoq. ask your gastro about rinvoq. and learn how abbvie could help you save.
12:19 am
you didn't choose your hairline. hot flashes, the flu,
12:20 am
or that thing when your knee just gives out for no reason. you didn't choose your bad back or this. or... that. you didn't choose depression, melanoma, or lactose intolerance. but with kaiser permanente you can choose your doctor who works with other best-in-class specialists to care for all that is you. ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back to the show. music from gracie abrams on the way. our next guest is a very funny man from new york with a new show that teaches the young people about all the crazy things that happened before they were born.
12:21 am
super maximum retro show premiers march 7th on vice tv. please welcome chris distefano. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: wow this is a great look. >> anthony: you like this? >> jimmy: yes. >> anthony: i feel like i look like jeffrey dahmer. >> jimmy: you look like you didn't get the role of jeffrey dahmer. >> anthony: yeah, they're my dad's glasses, they're the only thing he kept in the divorce so i figured, you know. >> jimmy: they have a nice pink tint to them. >> anthony: you like that? >> jimmy: what year did your dad wear those glasses? >> anthony: probably, he got out of prison in 1983 so i guess 1984, the year i was born. >> jimmy: are you responsible for any globally beloved dance moves? >> no i was watching that with
12:22 am
anthony mackie with the twerking. i feel like i'm not a dancer but when i get very excited and nervous, i get very itchy and i usually just wind up -- i guess i have a move called the psoriasis, it flares up, because i'm always trying to hide my nipples. it's one of those things, leak i love 35 pounds but i still have nipple fat. if you zoomed in on my nipple you would be like 600 pound life. it's just fat nipples. you deal with it. >> jimmy: is there a surgery for that or anything you could do? >> anthony: no, there's nothing -- i mean you could cut off my nipples but that would be sick. they're full pepperonis but i'm from brooklyn so that's what happens. >> jimmy: speaking of brooklyn, speaking of new york, you made a big announcement that you are going to be playing radio city music hall on september 22nd. >> i am, yes. thank you. i'll be doing radio, radio city music hall september 22nd, started comedy 12 years ago in
12:23 am
new york at the maui taco, which my dad owned. yeah. illegally. and now, you know, to do radio city. get the tickets now. i would go get the tickets immediately because my family, i mean, you know, my wife and kids are port wreaken, my dad's italian. i have 450 comps -- i have to give away 450 tickets for free. i'm going to be the only guy to sell out radio city and lose money. >> anthony: you have 450 people com coming. >> anthony: yeah and that's just one side of one part of my family. going to be like all puerto ricans and italians, it's going to be like west side story. >> jimmy: will everyone come over to the house every wards. >> anthony: everybody comes to the house afterwards and then that's where the fun really begins because you have the puerto rican side that wants to have their beautiful puerto rican food, all the things that give you and me diarrhea immediately but you have to eat
12:24 am
it. then you have the italian stuff and then my father is on a diabetes diet, i have to get him the die boat i can bread and everything. he doesn't even care. he told me once, the doctor said my blood sugar's never supposed to go above a hundred. it's 850 now. do you think i can have one slice of cake or -- i feel good except my feet fell off. >> jimmy: this could also be kind of a farewell party for your dad. >> anthony: yeah. and you know what -- listen it's not all bad, i'll get to keep the glasses. >> jimmy: unlike almost anyone in comedy, you started out in the medical profession. were you a doctor? >> anthony: you believe that? >> jimmy: it's hard to imagine. >> anthony: people are like no he's not. i have a doctorate in physical therapy. it's not a real doctor. it is, my mother's very proud of it but she would tell her friends he's an actual doctor.
12:25 am
like barbara has a fever, what are you going to do? massage her elbow? i'm not a real doctor, mom. and in the beginning -- because i left. listen, i left physical therapy. like i was a licensed physical therapist, good job, good benefits, everything, you know, mother's dream and i was like i'm doing comedy, comedy's my dream, i'm going to the maui taco i'm going for it. my mother was so upset. he was like he was a doctor, now he's a clown. i don't know what to do. he's an i had i don't. just like his father. i swear. and so upset. but my dad was always supportive. my mom was, too, but my mom, you know, more nervous and everything. my dad was right a wakes you live in my basement, you do this. because i could not tell my mom i left my physical therapy job. my dad said listen to me nobody knows how to lie to my mother better than me. i promise you i have every lie.
12:26 am
i was like this is great. so we kept it from her a couple weeks and eventually she found out that i was doing comedy and, you know what? honestly, i don't regret anything, because it got me here, got me to radio city, but in the beginning with my, you know, profession with physical therapy, you know, you don't -- i don't know if people know this but in the beginning it's so hard to start out in standup. nobody will put you on stage, you have to hand out flyers in the club they'll put you on at 2:00 in the morning on tuesday, bring 20 people the club will put you on pay $5 but i bart shalled as a physical therapist to get on my friend's shows. they would be running these comedy shows and i was like you know what? i can use my services. so my friends found out oh, you are a a physical therapist. nobody has health insurance. >> jimmy: right and they're very unhealthy people in general. >> anthony: we don't have it. let me tell you something, i don't know how many times i would tell my comedian friends
12:27 am
i'm a physical therapist, so i have a doctorate degree so i'm not a real doctor, but they would be like, that's fine but you have to take a look, and pull down their pants and say is this an std. i can't tell you how many arena acts that have been on your show whose me is ins i saw and tell them you don't have chlamydia when i know dam well they had chlamydia and i wanted to get on their show and was like you'll be fine. >> jimmy: whoa. you got to know these guys in a way no one else does. >> anthony: i can guess people's netflix specials after seeing their penises. i was like i know who that is i saw that in 2012. >> jimmy: your new show super maximum retro show is based initially on this great twitter feed called super 70s sports, which is i think my favorite twitter page.
12:28 am
>> chris: that twitter is amazing and jimmy you produced the show and hosts the show, it's a great choreics 70s, 80s, 90s, it was fun for me to be a part of it because, you know, i -- it gave me, i went down memory lane thinking about the 80s and 90s, if you're an older person you'll reminisce and if you're a younger person you'll see what was going on in the 70s, 80s and 90s and realize your parents were dirtbags, too. it was wild. >> jimmy: i dug up something for you because i know the premise of the show you show these clips to sometimes younger people sometimes older people. this is something in the 80s there were these 900 numbers, maybe it was the early 90s, i don't know, but celebrities would try to get you to call in to talk to them for like $2 a minute, and let's take a look. >> chris: yeah. okay. >> yeah, we like to rock and roll and do a lot of other things, too. >> call the rock line. >> we'll give you the warm hard
12:29 am
fax on our personal lives. >> our fans come first. >> just $2 the first minutes, ask your parents permission. >> let's get it started, dime it up. >> call me call me. >> hi, i'm josé canseco and i want to talk to you so call 900 for josé. if you want to know if i use steroids or why i was carrying that gun call 1-800 for josé. >> jimmy: did you about that. >> chris: i don't remember that but i'm pretty positive the man who sold josé canseco the steroids and that gun was my father. somebody in these glasses got him in trouble. >> jimmy: tuesday march 7th watch vice tv the super maximum retro show hosted by chris distefano thank you chris. >> chris: thank you jimmy. >> jimmy: we'll be right back
12:30 am
with gracie abrams. ♪
12:31 am
>> jimmy: our thanks to anthony mackie and chris distefano. apologies to matt damon ran out of time for him. but first, her debut album good
12:32 am
riddance is the song i know it won't work, crazy ♪ ♪ ♪ i know it won't work, i left you here, heard you keep the extra closet empty in case this year i come back and stay throughout my 20s. what if i won't, how am i supposed to put that gently ♪ and do you the road you will love me until you resent
12:33 am
♪ ♪ part of me wants you back but know it won't work like that. why wouldn't you try moving on for once that might make it easy. you know we cut all the ties but you're never really leaving. and part of me wants you back but i know it won't work like that ♪ ♪ ♪ i know it won't work like that. i'll open up i'm thinking everything you wish i wasn't ♪ ♪ the call was tough but you're better off i'm being honest ♪ now won't you stop holding out for me when i don't want it ♪ ♪ just brush me off 'cause i'm
12:34 am
your ghost right now, your house is haunted ♪ ♪ and part of me wants to walk away till you really listen snoots snow i hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different ♪ 'cause part of me wants you back but i know it won't work like that, huh ♪ ♪ why don't you try moving on for once that might make it easy. you know we cut all the ties but you're never really leaving ♪ and part of me wants you back but ♪ i know it won't work like that, huh ♪ ♪ i know it won't work like that, huh ♪ ♪ i know it won't work like that huh ♪ snow and part of me wants to walk away till you really listen
12:35 am
♪ i hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different ♪ 'cause part of me wants you back but ♪ i know it won't work like that huh ♪ ♪ why wouldn't you try moving on for once, that might make it easy ♪ you know we cut all the ties but you're never really leaving ♪ and part of me wants you back but ♪ i know it won't work like ♪ [cheers and applause]
12:36 am
10:20 pm
♪ ♪ ♪
10:21 pm
♪ . >> juju: this is "nightline". tonight, dna detectives, a new york city corporate attorney who police say is also a serial rapist. >> this is a person who wouldn't normally show up as a suspect in

121 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on