it's available for apple tv, google tv, amazon fire tv, and roku. download the app now and start streaming. all right. thank you so much for watching. i'm ama daetz and i'm dan ashley for sandy patel jr stone. >> all of us, we appreciate your time right now on jimmy kimmel amy poehler and because the writers strike is over new episodes on monday. dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel live." tonight -- amy poehler. author david sedaris. and music from superm. and now, by all means, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much, thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming.

thanks for joining us. [ cheers and applause ] on a -- relax, thank you. on what will be, on the first of what will be many primary election nights. tonight, it was new hampshire's time to shine. the polls have closed. and, if all goes well, we should have the final results of the democratic caucus by june 28th? i don't know, how long will it take? this caucus system, it's confusing. but the reason they start them, the reason the primaries begin in iowa and go to new hampshire is so that we know what the very whitest people think first. [ laughter ] the stakes are high for all the candidates. bernie sanders is from nearby vermont, new hampshire is one of his strongholds. he is expected to do well there. going into tonight, bernie had 12 delegates and no hairbrushes. [ laughter ] you know who else was in new hampshire? last night the president was in manchester, for what he described as the biggest political rally in new hampshire

history. and when he says something like that, you know it's true. [ laughter ] and the president fired the crowd up sharing tales of his many imagined victories including that at the state of the union on tuesday night. >> on tuesday, i delivered my address on the state of the union. [ cheers and applause ] and i had somebody behind me, who was mumbling terribly, mumbling. mumbling, wah, wah, ho, ha. he was mumbling. very distracting. >> jimmy: we did some digging, and we went through all the footage to figure out who was mumbling behind him, and i believe we found the culprit. >> here, on this land, on this soil, on this continent. >> i love you, i love you, i love you. i love you. i love you. >> jimmy: it's nice that they still have that spark after all this time together. as he often does, trump covered a wide range of subjects, including the time in 2017 when a man with a gun shot louisiana congressman steve scalise.

scalise was at the rally with trump. >> a very brave man. he took a bullet. he got shot. and he got up, he was going to die that night. i tell this story all the time. his wife, she was crying so much, when he finally did awake, i said one thing i learned, your wife loves you. why do you say that? because she was devastated. i know many wives that don't get too upset. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, well, happy valentine's day. trump is mixing it up with michael bloomberg now, who -- bloomberg was not on the ballot in iowa or new hampshire. instead, he has like 15 commercials running on every show on every television channel. but that appears to be working. according to a new national poll, bloomberg is in third place behind bernie and biden. but now he's got a problem. a tape has surfaced from 2015 in

which mime bloomberg touts his controversial stop and frisk policy. this is a thing that targeted young black men. this morning trump tweeted, wow, bloomberg is a total racist, which is ironic because some people think the president might be racist himself. [ laughter ] trump quickly deleted the post which may have something to do with the fact that he himself is a big fan of stop and frisk. >> one of the things i would do is i would do stop and frisk. i think you have to. we did it in new york. it worked incredibly well. and you have to be proactive. in my opinion, i see what's going on here. i see what's going on in chicago. i think stop and frisk, in new york city, it was so incredible the way it worked. >> jimmy: oops. by the way, stop and frisk is also trump's policy backstage at his beauty pageants. did you know that? [ applause ] the president had a great deal to say last night. so we slowed him down to half speed for tonight's poetry edition of drunk donald trump.

♪ [ sound slowing ] >> shut up! silly woman. said the reptile with the grin. you knew damn well i was a snake before you took me in! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's how he reads to his kids. trump is absolutely drunk with power right now. his close friend and adviser, roger stone, in case you don't know, was found guilty, that's roger stone, found guilty of obstruction of justice, lying to congress, witness tampering and various fashion-related crimes. so federal prosecutors yesterday recommended a sentence of up to nine years for roger stone, and that did not please the president. so he tweeted, "this is a horrible and very unfair situation. the re crimes were on the other side, as nothing happens to them.

cannot allow this miscarriage of justice." says the man who got away with the first impeachment trial in history that did not have witnesses. so trump tweeted that last night. and today we learned that the justice department suddenly decided to reduce their sentence request from nine years to something far less severe, which is appalling, even by trump standards and unheard of that he would somehow affect the sentence of his friend. trump tweets, all of a sudden his attorney general is like, you know what? instead of seven to nine years, why don't we make that no years? wouldn't that be better? all four federal prosecutors today who worked on the case resigned in protest. the president claims he had no idea. he didn't do anything. he says he stays out of things to a degree that people wouldn't believe. well, i think i would believe -- he also says he's known roger stone for years and he's a nice guy. which that's good enough. he seems like a -- in fact, let's look at some of the stuff this very nice guy has posted. he once said joe biden has trouble keeping his hands off

children. he said eric swalwell was the congressman from down syndrome. and when former first lady barbara bush died he wrote "barbara bush was a mean-spirited self-important nasty and entitled woman. bitter over her husband's long-term and quite public affair. i now understand why nancy reagan hated her so much." he seems lovely, i will agree with that. and i look forward to the other prisoners discovering the tattoo of richard nixon on his back. i'll tell you that for sure. trump right now is totally -- [ applause ] he's -- over the weekend he removed that lieutenant colonel alexander vindman from the national security council and then he fired his brother who had nothing to do with anything because vindman testified in front of the house. he fired the guy for obeying the law, and then trump said adios to his now former ambassador to the eu, gordon sondland. who happens to be one of his biggest donors. he gave the president a million dollars. this guy spent a million dollars to get fired by donald trump. meatloaf did that for free.

i think he even got paid. [ laughter ] sondland was a target for revenge because his testimony clearly explained that the president did to ukraine exactly what the democrats said he did. >> secretary perry, ambassador volker and i worked with mr. rudy giuliani on ukraine matters at the express direction of the president of the united states. >> jimmy: so trump, of course, exacted his vengeance on sondland, and i want to see how gordon's holding up. so we reached out to him, and he was kind enough to agree to join us tonight. so i would like to say hello to former ambassador sondland. thank you so much for your time, sir. [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks for having me! >> jimmy: can i ask you, why are you in an orange jumpsuit? >> it's not orange, jimmy. they call it presidential skin tone. >> jimmy: who calls it that? where are you right now? >> i'll give you one guess.

it rhymes with jeronimo's gay. >> jimmy: oh, the president sent you to guantanamo bay? why? >> because he's very angry with me, matter than joaquin phoenix at a dairy farm. >> jimmy: i'm very sorry to hear that. how are you holding up down there in cuba? right? >> i'm okay. you know, it's pretty hot here. it's hotter than the cauldron kellyanne conway uses to make potions. >> well, that hot. make sure you drink plenty of water, gordon. >> i'm drinking plenty, upside down through my nose. >> jimmy: oh, no. you're being waterboarded? >> oh, it's not that bad, it's like chugging a kiddie pool with your face. >> jimmy: how are the conditions there otherwise? >> this place is so filthy the bedbugs have ringworm. >> jimmy: that does sound dirty. >> this place is dirtier than ted cruz's pornhub search account. >> jimmy: that does sound bad. i'm sorry, hey, you know what one thing i wanted to ask, have

you seen lieutenant colonel vindman and/or his twin brother? are they locked up there too? >> oh, no, the president sent the vindmans on a coronavirus cruise. there's no room for them. there's no -- >> jimmy: a coronavirus -- >> there's too many new detainees here. >> jimmy: who are the new detainees? >> mitt romney's grandkids. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: which ones? which kids? >> all 300 of them, jimmy. the whole tabernacle choir. [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, no. >> yeah. we're squeezed in here, tighter than shaq in a bumper car. >> jimmy: well, they're very cute, i'll say that. >> this is donnie, this is marie, say howdy, everybody. >> howdy, everybody. >> all right, go back to knocking on cell doors. >> jimmy: that is very unfortunate. >> ooh, congratulations! >> jimmy: who is that you're congratulating? >> jimmy, meet my is yetmate,

pabd cellmate, abdullah paula abdullah. he heats women, he hates gays, he hates foreigners. >> jimmy: why are you congratulating him? >> because trump just gave him the medal of freedom. [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh. i see. i see. >> it is a rush limbaugh joke. >> jimmy: yes, yes. we got that. [ buzzer ] >> we got to go, jimmy, it's taco tuesday. >> jimmy: all right. well, that's fun. >> not really. here taco tuesday means they roll us up in a carpet and beat us with a bag of limes. be gentle! >> jimmy: all right. i'll let them go. that's gordon sondland, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] funny guy. very funny guy. [ cheers and applause ] in happier news, madison square garden tonight had the 144th annual westminster kennel club dog show, which i guess is fun

for the people. the sad part of the show is none of the winners know they won because they're not aware they're in a competition or even what a competition is. all they know is that their owners are lunatics. anyway, out of all the not many fine canines and their owners this unlikely duo stole the show tonight. that's right. [ cheers and applause ] the obedience training really paid off. also in new york, tomorrow is the final day of fashion week. fashion week has been going on in new york. this is where the wildest and most unwearable clothes in all the world go on parade. and we wanted to have some fun with that. so we sent a crew to new york to ask fashionistas an important question. that question is should pete rose be reinstated by major league baseball? after the astros cheated to win the world series. pete rose is like why am i still banned? so we asked the models and designers in new york for fashion week about pete rose.

and here's how that went. ♪ >> who are you wearing? >> today i'm wearing msgm. my jewels are by swarovski and my jacket's from asics. >> excellent. and should pete rose still be banned from major league baseball? >> i honestly am not a huge sports person. >> do you guys think major league baseball should reinstate pete rose? >> what? >> don't know anything about him. >> i don't know who that is. >> you're here for fashion week. >> yes. >> in light of the houston astros not really being punished for their sign-stealing scandal, is it time for major league baseball to reinstate pete rose? >> um, yeah, i would agree with that. >> why? >> well -- >> take your time.

>> um, well, i just think that a complex situation like this, different voices should be heard. >> let me ask you this. is it time to let pete rose back in the game? >> to let who? >> is it time to let pete rose back into the game? >> yes. >> why do you feel that way? >> um, sorry, i -- can you ask me another question? >> what's that? >> can you ask me another question? >> sure. why is it time to let pete rose back in the game? >> do you consider pete rose the vera wang of baseball? >> yes. >> why? >> um, because i think the whole representation of who it is, you know, just defines it, so i think so. >> pete rose? >> yeah. >> okay. good luck pete rose. just really good luck. >> tell us your name, sir. >> george green. >> where are you from? >> brooklyn, new york. >> are you here for fashion week? >> no, i'm just passing by for work. >> let me ask you this.

have badgley mischka jumped the shark? >> yes. i don't know what you're talking about. >> what do you love about fashion week, leo? >> what do i love about fashion week? it makes people even more exciting about their true selves. like fashion -- it's always like a huge circle. like the trends and the techniques, they always come back. >> liking the whole environmental kind of consistency. and when you think about consistentability, it's not all about thinking green and -- >> but it's beautiful how everything it comes together. >> is it time for major league baseball to reinstate pete rose? >> what is that? rose baseball? >> what are you guys excited about? >> well, we absolutely love fashion week. this is our tenth season, and we're headed to the badgley mischka show. wearing badgley mischka. so super excited to be dressed by the designers this year. >> yeah. >> is it time for major league baseball to reinstate pete rose? >> oh, my gosh, i'm from cincinnati. so i do think that it's time. pete rose, we love you. >> do you agree?

>> sure, what she said! >> is it time for baseball to move on from tight pants? >> no. ♪ >> jimmy: pete, get on a plane immediately. we have a good show tonight, music from superm. david sedaris is here. and we'll be right back with amy poehler. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you off course. put it in check with rinvoq, a once-daily pill. when i wanted to see results fast, rinvoq delivered rapid symptom relief and helped leave bathroom urgency behind. check. when uc tried to slow me down... i got lasting, steroid-free remission with rinvoq. check. and when uc caused damage rinvoq came through by visibly repairing my colon lining. check. rapid symptom relief... lasting steroid-free remission... ...and the chance to visibly repair the colon lining. check, check, and check. rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin cancer;

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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight he is a very funny writer and person. this is his book. it's called "calypso." and he has a new online master class. the great david sedaris is here with us. then, they are the first k-pop group to debut at number one on the billboard chart.

this is their self-titled ep, superm from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night, from "american idol" katy perry, lionel richie and luke bryan will be here, lucy hale will join us, we'll have music from andy shauf. and on thursday, chris pratt, huey lewis, and music from sam hunt. so please join us for those shows, too. our first guest tonight is an emmy and golden globe-winning person with a new animated show in which he plays a pubescent teenage boy. it's called "duncanville." it premieres sunday night on fox. please welcome amy poehler. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> fine. >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> you too. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm great. >> jimmy: i feel like i haven't seen you in a long time. >> yeah, it's been a long time. someone said backstage it's been like four years.

>> jimmy: since you were on the show. i think i've seen you since then. >> yeah. i went to college, i went back to school. >> jimmy: oh, you did, what did you study? >> i'm a veterinarian now. >> jimmy: oh, great. that was your dream, wasn't it? >> always wanted to help the animals. >> jimmy: you, everything's good? by the way, i'm so interested in this, i'm curious to ask you about it. because typically, with award shows they will wait until maybe like a couple months before the show and announce who's going to host the show. but it seemed like the golden globes, they were barely finished clapping and they said next year tina and amy are going to host the show. >> yeah, not sure why. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did that -- >> build the pressure. maybe? >> jimmy: gives you too long to think about it, doesn't it? >> to turn it into a diamond, i hope. yeah, no, it's a year away. >> jimmy: it's a full year away. >> it's a full year away.

so in about 11 1/2 months we're going to start thinking about it. >> jimmy: you really can't start thinking about it too soon, can you? >> nobody's made the movies yet. >> jimmy: yes, it is hard to make fun of things that don't exist. are you the kind of person who says yes to something and then regrets it the whole time leading up to that thing? >> yeah. i think i'm like you, which is, because you've done this many times where i'm like, all right, let's do it, and then i dread it. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> i dread it, and i want to die. i want to go to sleep. >> jimmy: sleep is always the thing. >> i'm a very fight or flight kind of thing. i get really tired and i'm like maybe i should go to sleep instead of host this. >> jimmy: did you watch the oscars on sunday? >> i did. i loved "parasite." so i thought bong's win was awesome. >> jimmy: you were excited. [ cheers and applause ] >> i like awards shows i think like you that are kind of a little surprising. because i really remember growing up in the '70s and '80s with awards shows that were really shaggy. pretty sloppy. >> jimmy: it was different back then.

>> the stars would just drive to the event. >> jimmy: yes. >> and they'd just show up in jeans and be like smoking and hear their name and go up there. >> jimmy: yeah, they'd put it out. now they're vaping instead of smoking. >> i'm very nostalgic about the '70s and '80s. >> jimmy: me, too. and i wonder if they're as great as i remember. what do you think about when you think about the '70s and '80s? >> i just think it was a better time. no seat belts. your parents didn't watch you. nobody babysat you. >> jimmy: right. >> you could just walk to the mall. and your neighbor would flash you, and it wasn't a big deal. [ laughter ] you know, the good times. >> jimmy: did you have a neighbor, a flasher neighbor? we had one. >> yeah. we didn't have a -- you had one? >> jimmy: we grew up across the street from each other, yeah. >> you did? >> jimmy: yeah. >> were you the flasher neighbor? >> jimmy: no, no. but we did. >> there's always one weird house. >> jimmy: at least one weird house. >> and if there isn't one on your street, then you're the house.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're probably right. that's a good way of looking at it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that was definitely, i wonder if it's what we're experiencing right now that makes us long for those days. >> yeah. >> jimmy: or if they really were better. i feel like they were better. >> i feel like people wore jeans out more to events. >> jimmy: it's all about dress code, really. >> it is. >> jimmy: what kind of kid were you? what kind of teenager were you? >> well, i was kind of -- i was a little -- i wasn't -- i wish i could say i was cool and rebellious. i was not. i was kind of -- i had a nice group of friends. and we, you know, we stuck to the rules. but we did like drink in the woods. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, stuff like that. but i was -- i was petulant. i was a petulant kid. and i remember, there was a rule in my house that my dad would -- i'd go to the mall all the time. that was what i did. >> jimmy: mm-hm. >> and my dad would pick me up from the mall, but he had to stay in the car. like he wasn't allowed to come into the mall. >> jimmy: he wasn't allowed in

the mall. >> because it was too embarrassing. then one time he came into the mall, and i just screamed at him, like what are you doing in the mall! and got home and ran upstairs and my mom was like, bill, why did you go into the mall! [ laughter ] my poor parents. >> jimmy: sounds like your dad may have been getting the worst of it, though, yeah. >> so therefore, life was easy. that was, that was my big -- >> jimmy: except for your dad, in which case it was a hell, he couldn't even get a hot dog on a stick. we're going to take a break and we're going to talk about teenage years. your new show that premieres on sunday night is called "duncanville." amy poehler is here, we'll be right back. only $11. dealdash.com the fair and honest bidding site. this i-pad sold for less than $43. this kitchenaid mixer sold for less than $26. a 4k television for under $2. a macbook pro for under $16. this playstation 5

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i can't wait to drive. by the time i'm done riding my bike to protests, i am too tired to march. [ laughter ] >> dial it down, dude. >> i got this. ha, ha, ha, ha! >> who knows, maybe someday you'll be able to give me a ride somewhere. >> smash! i'm coming to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. >> well, that sounds -- why? >> he was going to say yes! >> i couldn't take that chance. you're so cool. feel me up. >> with plezh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: amy poehler, believe it or not, as duncan in "duncanville." explain the idea behind the show. >> it's about a 15-year-old boy named duncan and his family that surrounds him, his friends, and how he thinks everything's really lame and boring and he can't wait till he has his

license and freedom. and i play duncan, the voice of duncan, and his mom, annie, who's kind of this -- she's in parking enforcement and she likes rules and she likes to make duncan get her a chair so she can climb on it and yell at him face to face. >> jimmy: how do you settle on how you are going to approach the voice of a teenaged boy? >> well, you have to take all the words you usually say and reduce it to like two words. and you have to -- >> jimmy: that's probably a good idea for anyone, really. >> 100%. it's like the opposite of characters i usually play which is like the engine that gets everybody pumps. this character thinks everyone's really lame and he's really smart. and you know, that his town is so boring and stuff. so there's a lot of like super stressed out. >> jimmy: did you study teenaged boys? >> i did. i went to the mall. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was -- dad did not get to go? >> i wore a trench coat and went like, hello. no. i went to the mall and watched teenagers.

it's really funny to watch -- i mean, you have to be careful when you watch teenagers from behind -- from behind a pole because you can get asked to leave. [ laughter ] but what i love about teenagers that age is they have, like, no freedom. they feel really confined. like they think that they are smarter than everyone else. but they don't know what they're doing. and when you're around them, they look like goofballs, and they're pushing each other, and just being adam's apples everywhere, but they can say stuff that devastates you. >> jimmy: like what? >> you could just walk past them, they could be like, look at your shoes. you know, and you're like, what's wrong with my shoes? [ laughter ] all of a sudden you go home and you want to just buy a cemetery plot. >> jimmy: because they've spoken on behalf of their whole generation. >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: and the mom character. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is that based on a person? >> it's kind of loosely based on my mom. she has kind of a boston accent. the character does. my mom has a boston accent. >> jimmy: yes, yes.

>> and my mother is not a yeller but she is -- you know, she gets a little stressed sometimes about like -- she still yells "be careful" when i leave the house. and i'm, you know, 48. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, sure. you have to be careful. do you feel like you are ever more careful as a result of your mother reminding you to be? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. >> but isn't it weird that no matter your age when you're home with your parents you just get back into that groove? i do turn into a teenager when i'm with my parents, like oh, my god, i'm just so annoyed with them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you clean up after yourself when your parents make dinner at your house? >> that's a great question. i do. i did not when i was a teenager. now i do. i have changed. >> jimmy: you don't completely revert back to teenagehood. >> yeah, you're right. because teenagehood i was feet up on the couch just being like, are you making anybody sandwiches right now? [ laughter ] my mother would be like, i'm in bed. i'd be like, would you get up, though? [ laughter ] would you make me one, if you

were up, though? >> jimmy: are you still celebrating galentine's day? the holiday you invented? [ cheers and applause ] is that still a thing? >> in fact, i'm having dinner after the show, with rashida jones and aubrey plaza and kathryn hahn. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> for those of you who don't know it's an alternative to valentine's day created by the writers of parks & rec. leslie noep would get all of her gals together and shower them with weird gifts. >> jimmy: oh, there are gifts involved. >> yeah, i didn't think there had to be, but leslie did. it's fun and has caught on even though it's a fake holiday, even like valentine's day, which is also a fake holiday. >> jimmy: it sounds more fun than valentine's day, actually. >> it does, doesn't it? >> jimmy: and there's no male version of this. i guess football would be the male version of this. >> i feel like men are so sensitive now, you could have your own galentine's version of it and just -- you could all get together and --

>> jimmy: i have a better idea. we'll just call it gallontine's day. maybe we'll drink a gallon of something. we'll just spell it a little bit differently. well, your show was very funny. i can't wait to see it. it's on fox. it's called "duncanville" it premieres sunday night at 8:30. amy poehler, everybody. we'll be right back with david sedaris. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ psst! hey, jake from state farm! you know what's really scary? popcorn with no butter. no! getting insurance. i mean, what if the jargon makes me feel alone and in the dark? hey, at state farm, we're there for your “what ifs.” aaah! sorry... is that seat taken? get on up here, buddy. let's go! let's...oh. want some water? yeah. i threw my cup at you. i saw. like a good neighbor, state farm is there.® call or click to get a quote today.

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jimmy: still to come, superm. our next guest is one of the funniest writers ever. his latest number one best-seller is "calypso" and now he'll teach you to write one for yourself with his "master class" online. >> how does your trip end? got any big plans for the weekend? these are questions -- if it's a question you've heard in a hotel or a store, forget it. there's no place to go with those questions. those are small-talk questions. i like a question like, do you know many people in wheelchairs? good question. >> jimmy: very good question. please say hello to david sedaris.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? this is -- >> i'm not sure how to sit down in this jacket. >> jimmy: this is quite an ensemble you've put, did you put this together? >> i put it together. because the jacket didn't come with the culottes, or the knee socks but i thought, huh, but it's not actually the strangest part of it. i -- my sister amy, you know, she's an actress. >> jimmy: yes. [ applause ] >> she told me that on those award shows everybody is held together with tape and, like, girding. >> jimmy: uh-huh, yes. >> so i watched a little bit of the academy awards and i thought, i wonder if the men are wearing things, too. and yesterday i found out they made spanx for men. i went and bought some. i'm wearing them right now. i went to the store, and it's like a tee shirt for a baby.

that's what it looks like. [ laughter ] and i'm wearing it, and i couldn't really button this jacket before. it's fantastic. >> jimmy: it's really something, isn't it? [ applause ] it's a substitute for fitness. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you on tour right now? you just finishing up your live tour? >> i did a tour of australia. >> jimmy: you did a tour of australia. and you will go on these tours. you will read your work to people, and then you talk to the people afterwards. >> well, when i first moved to new york i went and saw a play, and it was wallace shawn, a monologue. and it was in a small theater. but i remember i went and we walked into the theater and this man shook my hand. it was wallace shawn. he shook everyone's hand as they walked into the theater. and when i saw the play i realized i would never have admitted to myself, let's say, that the play was dull or it was slow because i thought i know him. and i was just on his side. i was on his side because he shook my hand. so i like to be there early, and then i meet people beforehand.

and then i sign books afterward. >> jimmy: you find everyone to be interesting in some way, true? >> yeah, i mean, i think if you make people comfortable. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and they can -- you know, sometimes people come and they want to tell you will a story, and it's not that interesting. >> jimmy: right. >> but there's something behind it, or maybe you -- like this woman came, and i said is your dad cheap? and she said oh, my god, how did you know? she said my dad was so cheap that when i was in high school when people would roll the house, he would make us collect the toilet paper and use it. and if it got rained on, they had to put it on racks and dry it out. but can you imagine, you're in high school, and your friends come over, and you have hefty bags in your bathroom, filled with that weirdly textured, rained-on, then dried out toilet paper? and he wouldn't buy any more until they'd used all that. >> jimmy: for him, it was like money was coming from the sky. i guess that's a positive way to look at it. >> but i love a thing like that.

>> jimmy: you have -- yeah, i love it, too. you have this master class, and i wonder -- and i was watching, and i am going to watch the whole thing. because i think you are one of the best writers ever. [ cheers and applause ] i really love your stuff. but i do wonder, can people really learn how to be funny from watching this? >> uh, i don't know. i mean, i think they can be reminded of certain things. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> you know? quite often, i'll see something, and people will say, no, you didn't. that didn't happen. you didn't see that. and it's like, no, you didn't see it because you're on your phone every second. i could get on a hotel elevator naked and no one would even notice. everybody on the elevator is like that. >> jimmy: have you tried that? >> i was in a haute and i will saw a guy in the hallway and he was wearing nothing but like a t-shirt. but it was -- it was like a

woman's t-shirt, and he pulled it down as far as he could. and it was like 2:00 in the morning at a holiday inn in buffalo, and that's -- and he was in the hallway, and i think about it to this day, that i should have said, can i give you a towel? because where was he -- i couldn't figure out what the story was. >> jimmy: he got locked out of his room. he made a dash for ice. >> it wasn't his room he got locked out of. >> jimmy: well, then he was a sexual predator, i guess, and it's probably better that you didn't engage him. but you will engage people and you will have experiences intentionally that other people might not want to have. like, you know, there might be something that sounds terrible, and you will go along with it. >> well, the thing is that it's a perfect way to meet people. right? because they're standing in line to see you and talk to you. so you can talk to them in a way, if you were a customer service representative you couldn't talk to people in that same way. >> jimmy: right. yes. >> when i was in australia, i met this woman. she came through the book

signing line, and she said i'm at the age now where when i wake up in the morning, i'm so ugly, my iphone doesn't recognize me. [ laughter ] i thought, that must happen to people. you know, that must happen. you would be so insulted, wouldn't you, your phone wouldn't recognize you? >> jimmy: do you ever keep in touch with these people? you meet someone and -- >> i have kept in touch with them. i met this guy years ago, and i said what do you do for a living? and he said, well, i'm mentally ill. and that keeps me pretty busy. [ laughter ] and i -- i kept in touch with him. i mean -- [ laughter ] yeah, there are a number of people who i've met, you know, because sometimes -- and it must be like this for you. you have a family. you have a full-time job. and it must be hard for you to have, like, close friends.

you know, like a lot of -- but i kind of like that. they can still be your friend, but they're just your friend that way. >> jimmy: mm-hm. >> and maybe you see them once every year and a half for a few minutes. you still think of them as your friends. >> jimmy: yes, yes, i know what you mean. >> to me, that's a great little relationship, you know, you talk to somebody for two minutes and you learn a little something. they learn a little something. and then we move on. >> jimmy: and that's it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you still writing unusual things in people's books when they come to your signings? >> you know what happens more and more often is people get -- i just had a couple books returned to me. >> jimmy: really? >> there was a woman i met in australia. and she said, will you sign a book to let's say robert? i said who's robert? and she said he's my boyfriend. and i said, you know, that's great, but i said don't get too attached to him because he's going to die one day. and then i drew his tombstone in her book, and i took the time, and i drew it really nice. and i drew, and i was talking to her about this and that the

whole time. and then she sent the books back to me, you know. how dare you, i know he's going to die. i don't need to be reminded of it. and you think about this the next time you insult somebody. but an insult to me would be if you came to get a book to signed and i went like this -- yeah, i don't know what we're going to -- that's an insult. it's not an insult if i talk to you and ask you questions and i said what do you think he's going to die of? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: david sedaris, everyone. go to masterclass.com. learn everything that he knows. and "calypso" is available in paperback. we'll be right back with superm. ♪

[ cheers and applause ] jimmy: i'd like to thank david sedaris, amy poehler and jeff ross. apologies to matt damon, "nightline" is next, but first this is their self-titled ep, here with the song "jopping," superm. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i don't even care ♪ [ singing in korean ] left to the right ♪ ♪ we gon' make it make it bang

put your hands in the air ♪ ♪ let me see you bounce to the left to the right ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ round round round round round round round round round ♪ ♪ 'cause when we jumping it's popping we jopping ♪ ♪ jopping jopping jopping you know how we get down jopping ♪ ♪ how we get down jopping how we get down ♪ ♪ 'cause when we jumping and popping we jopping ♪ ♪ step on the floor start a riot ♪ ♪ where the competition man it's looking one-sided ♪ ♪ up like a 7-47 we the flyest ♪ ♪ a lifestyle you should try it ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ make it last front to back yeah yeah ♪ ♪ give me that give me that give me that ♪ ♪ the roof's on fire let it burn to an ash ♪ ♪ we gon' keep it jopping tell the dj bring it back now ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ like a paraglide ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ in a pair of slides ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ out to paradise ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ to a better life ♪ ♪ gotta move watch the money monsoon ching ching ♪ ♪ make the crowd go wild in a small room yeah ♪ ♪ let me see you put it all on like a costume ♪

[ singing in korean ] ♪ we love to move it keep it going don't stop ♪ ♪ it's in your nature ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ girl what you want ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ we go on and on champagne life that's all you want ♪ ♪ don't stop letting it go 'cause we got that glow ♪ ♪ you know how we get down oh jopping ♪ ♪ how we get down jopping how we get down ♪ ♪ 'cause when we jumping and popping we jopping ♪ ♪ i don't even care ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ left to the right we gon' make it make it bang ♪ ♪ put your hands in the air let me see you bounce bounce ♪ ♪ to the left to the right ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ round round round round round round round round round round round round round ♪ ♪ 'cause when we jumping and popping we jopping ♪ ♪ oh you think ya big boy throwing three stacks bet ♪ ♪ i'ma show you how to ball you a mismatch what ♪ ♪ opinionated but i'm always spitting straight facts ♪ ♪ true throw it back ♪

♪ i might throw this on an eight-track oh ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ i'm a sight to see so fresh ♪ ♪ exciting go and drop the beat drop drop ♪ ♪ we get it jopping the party it don't stop don't stop ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ let's go ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ we'll keep it jumping and popping here all night ♪ ♪ jump to the front if you want it hands up ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ don't stop letting it go like you don't care ♪ ♪ i don't even care i don't even care ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ left to the right we gon' make it make it bang ♪ ♪ put your hands in the air let me see you bounce bounce ♪ ♪ to the left to the right ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ round ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ hear that sound hear that sound ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ play the music loud music loud ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ 'cause tonight's gonna set you free ♪ ♪ yeah yeah i don't even care ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ we don't even care

left to the right ♪ ♪ we gon' make it make it bang and we make it bang ♪ ♪ put your hands in the air let me see you bounce bounce ♪ ♪ put your hands in the air come on ♪ ♪ put your hands in the air let me see you bounce ♪ ♪ to the left to the right ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ to the left to the right come on ♪ ♪ put your hands in the air i don't even care ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ left to the right we gon' make it make it bang ♪ ♪ oh yeah put your hands in the air ♪ ♪ let me see you bounce bounce ♪ ♪ to the left to the right ♪ [ singing in korean ] ♪ 'cause when we jumping and popping we jopping ♪ ♪ round round round round round round round round ♪ ♪ 'cause when we jumping and popping we jopping ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> announcer: this is "nightline." tonight -- tupac mystery solved? ♪ say what you say ♪ nearly 30 years after the "california love" rapper was gunned down in las vegas a major break in the case. authorities finally arresting a suspect. >> a clark county gra