we hope you have a great night. >> previously on jimmy kimmel live. >> tonight, join jimmy and his guests. musical >> and now, here he is jimmy fallon! >> i need help.

no. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- tiffany haddish, jeff ross, and music from tate mcrae, with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. please relax. sit. we've got a whole hour and it's -- it's a great time -- happy pumpkin

did you know thank you for coming on a very important holiday. it's national pumpkin day, october 26th. why they couldn't wait five days and have this on halloween, i don't know. someone at the pumpkin council speaking of old gourds, "the golden bachelor" is one step closer to choosing the woman he will spend the rest of his week with next i have been looking forward to what's happening next week ever since they announced they were doing this show. next week are the hometown visits, which usually means you meet the parents. but in this case, the parents would have to be around 100 years old. >> we're on our way to hometowns. >> it's going to look a lot different. >> it's very intimidating. >> i didn't think that you should be the new papa. >> are you going to marry my grandma? >> i might. >> jimmy: "or i might just give her a little baboom on the old

craftmatic adjustable bed and send her back here to babysit you. i predict bachelor gary is going to be dating a 37-year-old yoga instructor he meets on instagram by christmas of this year. this is something that could influence the direction of the bachelor franchise. according to a new study from ucla, teenagers want less sex in the movies and tv shows they watch. they want fewer sex scenes and more stories about platonic friendships. i've never felt more out-of-touch with a generation. you know, i try not to be the old guy complaining about "these kids today," but sometimes i feel like i have to. i mean, isn't this supposed to be the live and let live generation? i thought that was the whole point of you. do you know how hard we had it, having to steal playboys from our uncles and squinting through

hours and hours of scrambled cable porn? we earned this. so here's a thought -- if you don't want to watch sex scenes, don't watch them. watch planet earth. watch your creep-o asmr videos, or whatever the hell you want. but for the love of god and salma hayek, stay the hell out of our naked stuff! thank you. you know, donald trump, who was president of this country, continues to test the limits of the various courts that are trying to put him away. in new york yesterday, m.c. yammer was fined $10,000 for violating a gag order the judge issued in that case. and now the special counsel in d.c. in one of the other cases, jack smith is asking to reinstate a gag order in the january 6th case. neither court wants him posting his thoughts about court staff and witnesses online. so, of course trump rushed to truth social this morning to post about court staff and witnesses online.

at 7:28 a.m., he judge in the new york state a.g. case has gone crazy in his hatred of trump. also, their 'star' witness just admitted his statements were all a big lie. he broke down in court." didn't happen. "the radical left judge said he doesn't care. he is trying to protect racist a.g. letitia james. the state of new york must step in and stop this complete and total miscarriage of justice!" you know, if you really want to shut trump up, don't threaten him jail time or fines. threaten him with eric time, okay? trust me. put me in a room with eric, he'll clam up like he's on a brunch with melania. when i'm watching him, the second biggest conman in the republican party, george santos, may soon be out of a job. four of his republican lawmakers from new york today introduced a resolution on the house floor to expel him from congress. the process would work like this -- republicans and democrats would vote on whether to remove him.

the expulsion requires a two-thirds vote. if they get that, santos would then be air lifted from washington to los angeles where he would immediately become a c contestant on danc"dancing with stars." it's the law. but this could be it for george santos. he made an appearance on a podcast hosted by megan mccain, and explained in detail why he looks so damn good. >> i weighed myself in at 350 pounds, and i said, no, this has to change. and then december of 2022, i weighed myself in before the new year rang in, and i was 251 pounds. >> that's fantastic. >> i lost 99 pounds. >> how did you do that? >> diet, exercise. i also was diagnosed as prediabetic. >> was that ozempic? >> yes. it totally helped. it's fantastic. i love

>> jimmy: i'm sure the ozempic people are thrilled. it's like if bill cosby did an endorsement for nyquil. this is interesting -- santos did meghan mccain's podcast because he served with her father, senator john mccain, in vietnam. he's the guy that freed mccain from the p.o.w. camp. taylor swift has a new taylor swift album on the way. tomorrow she will release a cover version of her own album, "1989." it's not just the name of the album. it's also the number of times taylor swift can get people to buy the same album. i mean, just when you think we've reached peak taylor swift, she drops an album from ten years ago and we buy it again. the mypillow man, mike lindell, has been taking his detached-from-reality show on the road. he has a 24-hour news channel to run, but that doesn't stop mike from goin' wherever he needs to go! >> there's mike now, as a matter of fact. i was about to start plugging

product. hey mike. >> i'm trying to get this lined up. i'm on the road here. >> i think most people are going to be shocked because we just saw a dog next to you there. >> right on, right on. >> i didn't realize you had a service dog. >> i've got lots of things going on. >> jimmy: you think he knows the dog is in the car? the dog is there to help him drive. they take turns. as loyal as that dog is, no one is more loyal to mike lindell than his sidekick/best brannon. >> people are attracted naturally, i think, to strong leaders, particularly strong, masculine leaders. both men and women are attracted to that. that's how god made us is to follow strong, convicted, masculine leaders. >> jimmy: right, they're attracted to strong, masculine leaders with monogrammed pocket

squares right up front. the b stands for "bad ass." we are now less than a week from halloween. this is the time of year -- i don't know about you. usually it's the time of year when my kid decides after we bought the costume that he wants a different costume. guillermo, what's your son going? >> a dinosaur. >> jimmy: a you think he's going to wear it the whole time or ditch it half an hour in? >> guillermo: half an hour, i don't want it anymore. >> jimmy: you know what the top costumes are this year. three top costumes. guess number one. what's number one? >> guillermo: i don't know. >> jimmy: barbie is number one. >> guillermo: okay. number two, taylor swift? >> jimmy: taylor -- no. a princess is number two. and spiderman is number throw. >> guillermo: oh, wow. >> jimmy: but my favorite costumes are the costumes like this purpose m artist, which is, you know, obviously prince or

the -- this is bad apple cutie. so, you don't get sued by disney. or you can go as not harry potter but fantastic magician boy. this year's spirit halloween came out with a bunch of new, kind of, knockoff costumes. and if you're still looking for something, if you need a costume this year, here are some that might work for you. this is pop star's boyfriend, obviously. travis sekelce. bankrupt pillow lunatic. there's -- let's see what we have here. oh, gymnasium race war goblin. and oh, gelatinous b-hole worm. what do we have down here? oh, look at this. bus station mop bucket. musical theater hand job vaper. indicted fatso with stupid kids.

oh, look at that. lovable security drunk. we have a special guest on our show tonight. our old pal, jeff ross is here. jeff has a new one man show. it's called "take a banana for the ride." jeff is well known for his roasting, his off the cuff assessments of others. to celebrate halloween, we sent him to a pumpkin patch not far from here to do what he does best, roast kid who is showed up in costume. ♪ >> hey, it's jeff ross. i'm here at mr. bones pumpkin patch. how you doing? >> good, how are you? >> i love your carrot costume. oh, it's america's mayor, rudolph giuliani. i want to date your mom. come on, it's good, right? i love your costume.

kid, don't ever listen to nwa. they wrote a whole song about you. i guess i'm under a-roast. wow, the ozempic's really working for me. all right. who wants to get speed roasted? look at barr by and oppenheimer. great week at the box office. don't let amber heard poo in your bed. put some pants on. i can see your pokemon. so, you're a pineapple and you're a kid that's about to get hoof and mouth d sorry. my jokes are baaaad. woe, where my witches at. you guys look great. which one of you is supposed to be marjorie taylor greene. t i'm scared. it's discount darth vader.

>> i'm coe low ren. >> we get it. i can't even see your you scared me. you also cut your hair with a lightsaber? >> no! >> hi there. how you d i always wanted to kravitz's drummer. where's sledder when you need him? >> at least i have hair. >> come here a second. how you doing? >> good. >> what kind of fish do you talk to, pep ridge farm? you're the only aquaman that wets himself. no, aquaman, don't pee on me, aquaman. all right. well, that's it from the pumpkin patch. can we get that cop back here?

>> we have a funny show for you tonight. jeff ross is here. we have music from tate mcrae. i'll be right back with tiffany h haddish.

♪

>> jimmy: all right. welcome back. tonight, he has got a great new one man show. it's called "take a banana for the ride." the one, the only jeff ross is with us. and then later, like many member was of our audience tonight, she is from canada. she is a singer, song writer, dancer, and actor too. her latest single is called "agreed i did." music from tate mcrae. next week we have a full lineup, new shows with john wilson, pete holmes, sean "diddy" combs, octavia spencer, and mariah carey. with music from madison beer, allison russell, devon gilfillian, jessie murph, and jelly roll. so, please join us for that. our first guest tonight is a performer so dazzling they named a chain of jewelry stores after her. she is co-headlining the "best friends comedy tour," with lil

rehl and has a song too with lil john. please say hello to tiffany haddish. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i don't want to get too much. >> jimmy: you look fantastic. you look great. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: what have you brought me here? >> i have brought you honey from my backyard from my bees. >> jimmy: thank you. that's very nice. you have bees and you go in and do it? >> i have bees from my yards. i pay a white man to pull off the shells. >> jimmy: right, right. sure, sure. >> i keep all the wax and i keep the honey. >> jimmy: do you like honey? is it good? >> it's delicious. i had it tested. my honey tests the highest in southern california for potency, nutrients, and all that good stuff. and my bees are very fast workers, just like me.

they're hard workers. i sit in the backyard on a daily basis and i sing to them and i tell them stories. >> jimmy: you do? >> i tell them all kinds of songs like. ♪ we bees in the back ♪ ♪ bees bees in the back ♪ >> jimmy: do you get stung? >> i have never been stung. and i'm out there with a tank top on just talking to them. >> jimmy: you remember last time i talked to you. >> it was may. >> jimmy: you had a prom for your charity. and i had never been to the prom before. it was my first prom. >> that was your first prom? >> jimmy: it was. >> i'm glad i was the one to take you to prom. i mean, i didn't take you -- >> jimmy: you invited me to prom. that's what's most important. >> yes. >> jimmy: and it was fun. we had a lot of fun. i sat with your family there, who had an auction. i bought a painting you made. >> yes. i painted that painting on my first date with common in california. >> jimmy: it is mine now.

this is the painting you made. tell me the story of this painting. because i think -- i have -- i know what i think it is. but you please share what it is. >> so, basically i had got a groupon and it was getting ready to expire. >> jimmy: not what i thought it was. >> and it was a class for two, a paint and sip for two. and i asked him if he wanted to go with me. he said yes. and this is what they were painting that day. and everyone's painting came out unique and special. i paid $42 for us to paint, and then he paid over 300 something dollar rs for us to eat and drink while we painted. >> jimmy: smart, smart. and this is something that -- >> and you paid, what, 20,000 -- >> jimmy: a lot of money for it. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i figured i needed to get it out my house. i don't need to be looking at it no more. >> jimmy: is this you and common? >> no. those are shadows of a relationship -- >> jimmy: i thought it was you

guys. i didn't know that. >> no, that's the shadow of a relationship. >> jimmy: in a way it's, kind of, like a harbinger of the relationship being over. you guys are walking -- >> it's a foreshadow. call that foreshadow. >> jimmy: yeah. i just had this appraised. it's worth $80,000. >> let me get that back from you, slim. >> jimmy: that's an interesting -- that was your idea to go -- for that date? >> yeah, i do that all the time when i go on dates. i've been dating a lot over the last two years. and it's been pretty awesome. so, i'll pick out a groupon -- that way i show the guy, hey, i'm willing to create an activity for us. i'm good for activities, but they're going to end up spending more money when we get there. because that's what a groupon is. >> jimmy: you go to the same place each time? >> no, we go to different places. there's different restaurants all over. there's different types of paintings i do. sometimes it might be a sewing class. it might be a dance class.

it's something always. >> jimmy: you go to a dance class on the first date? >> yeah, maybe a -- yeah. yeah. yeah. i did have a dance class the first date. i sure did. and there was no second dalt with that one. nope, nope. >> jimmy: speaking of dancing, i saw a video of you, a tmz video, you're at usher's show in las vegas, and michael jordan was there, right? >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: and you were dancing for michael jordan. >> hmm-mm. >> jimmy: no? >> no, i was not dancing for michael jordan. he was sitting next to my home girl and i was dancing for her. it was her birthday, a celebration, and i was telling her, get up, let's dance. i was like, let's dance, let's dance. and she's like, no. i started dancing for her. watch it wall street way through. see, i'm not talking to him. >> jimmy: that's michael right there. >> he's laughing at he talking to her. i start dancing. that's his wife sitting next to him. i don't know who that is that's filming. i don't know who that is. come on, girl, come on, let's dance. keep -- keep playing the video.

keep playing the video. that's the problem with social media. y'all don't show the thing all the way through. if you keep playing the video, you will see me grab the hand of a lady, and she stands up and we dance together. you know what? don't play the video. then they'll say oom a lesbian. never mind. >> jimmy: did michael jordan like it? >> yeah, he was laughing. i talked to his wife. i asked her if she could teach me her ways. >> jimmy: what do you mean by that? >> she got a jordan. i want one too. >> jimmy: i see. >> i want one too. >> jimmy: there's really only -- there's just him though. >> i feel like it's not just him. i leaned over to him and i said, you know, i'm going to end up getting pregnant by one of your sons. he says, my son is actually marrying an older woman right now. i said, i know there's an illegitimate son somewhere. there's somebody working at mcdonald's right now that's 6'7"

look just like you that just leaps over puddles. >> jimmy: you said this to michael? >> yeah, he laughed. he was like, you're so silly. i was like, i'm serious. i will find him. people do a dna test. i've seen some people out here that look like you. i'm just saying. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. >> okay. i'm going to tell you some more stuff. i'm going to tell you a secret. y'all go watch the commercials. >> jimmy: go to tiffanyhaddish.com. you'll find out everything. when we come back, we're going to see your song. you have a hit single. tiffany haddish, everybody. we'll be right back. >> portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by vinfast. for more information go to vinfastauto.us. that can deliver remission and visibly improve damage of the intestinal lining. serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine or plan to.

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♪ looking like money and i'm feeling like money ♪ ♪ pull up to the club i open the door ♪ ♪ enter through the front door ♪ ♪ jumping on the couches ♪ ♪ sitting on the bar ♪ ♪ up all night can't get no sleep ♪ ♪ so twisted i'm coming to the lamb boar guinea ♪ ♪ we're going to party ♪ >> jimmy: that is tiffany haddish, lil john, "we're gone party till the club close." you know what's weird? "we gone party til the club close" is like my motto. i've been living my life around that sentence since i don't know how long. >> have you?

because i definitely have and i've never seen you in the club until it chloes. >> jimmy: i beg to differ. in fact i even have a tattoo on my leg. we gone party til the club close. i've had that since i was 16. you didn't know that. >> i did not know that. that's why i love you so much. >> jimmy: i didn't realize. when's the last time you partied til the club actually closed. >> last week i got put out. >> jimmy: really? >> mm-hmm, i fell asleep in the club. they was like testiffany, tiffa tiffany. it's bright in here. this club is ugly in the lights. let's go, i think it's closed. >> jimmy: there's nothing worse than the club when it's clubbing and they're like, get out. we want you out. >> yeah. >> jimmy: when i see a real song -- there are a lot of comedians do comedy songs. when i see a real song, it makes me think of blues brothers and eddie murphy. >> and jamie foxx.

>> jimmy: i feel like jamie foxx was just as much a musician as a comedian when he -- i don't know. >> he did musical comedy and then when he was on his show, he was doing music in the sketches. but i would say, like, my dream -- because i feel like every comedian wants to be a musician. every musician wants to be a comedian. because it's all about timing, right? and it's just, like, feeling comfortable. and i would love to do a collaboration, if you will, with me, eddie murphy, and jamie foxx. >> jimmy: that would be great. and you know those guys. >> i do know those guys but they have not been answering they phone over the last six months. i don't know what's going on. call me back. >> jimmy: what kind of song would you do? would it be that kind of deal or a different genre? >> i feel like we should do a country song. >> jimmy: really? >> i feel like we should do a country song because country

music really is about pain and achieving, getting over that pain, and like, having a better day or killing somebody. and i feel like -- that's what most of the songs seem like. my dog died, so i shot sally. that's what it feel like. so, i would love to do something with them. and i know that eddie -- i heard that eddie has music, and i've heard it. and his voice is amazing. >> jimmy: he used to party all the time. i think he did two albums. >> he did a reggae album and all this. i would love to collaborate with him. >> jimmy: well -- and you've not -- have you pitched this to him. >> i was at an event last week, and i was like, hey, eddie, me, you, country music, let's go. and he was like, are you serious? i was like, yeah, i'm serious. >> jimmy: does he like country music? >> he does. he likes all kinds of music. you don't know that? haven't you been to his house? >> jimmy: i have been to his house one time. it's crazy, right? >> it's the best.

>> jimmy: what do you think is the best thing about his house. >> he got a bowling alley. he got candy, all the candy, y'all, every candy you can think of from the 1900s to present day. he got all the candy. he the candy man. >> jimmy: he's got candies they don't make anymore. >> yeah, i'm like, how did you get this? i haven't had this since i was 8, man. this is the best. and i steal the candy. >> jimmy: oh, you do? but he's okay with you stealing the candy? >> i don't know if he okay with it. i'm telling on myself right now. but i always make sure i wear something with big pockets. and he has, like, this candy bar and it has all this different candy stuff. i wait until nobody's really looking and i get to stuffing my pockets and my hips look bigger when i leave. >> jimmy: you're like one of the trick or treaters who they leave the bowl out and a sign says, please take only one piece, but you take all the candy. >> i don't take callall of it. i take five. and i have the candy dish at my

house, and it's all full of eddie murphy candy. and when i see it, i'm like, that's eddie murphy candy. >> jimmy: did you bowl on his bowling lane? >> first of all, he the only black man i know personally that has a bowling alley. i bowled at his house. i fell. i slid down, and i got a big bruise on my knee. and i was showing it to everybody. i got this at eddie murphy house. look at the bruise on my knee. i wish it would stay forever so i could be like that's from eddie house. he's like, you not going to sue me? i'm like, never am i going to sue you. you eddie murphy. i want to live here. >> jimmy: the thing with michael jordan's kids don't work out, maybe one of eddie murphy's sons. >> yeah, yeah, no, i'm good. >> jimmy: you don't like -- >> i'm good, i'm good, i'm good. i feel like i watched them grow up and stuff. i'm cool. i'm cool. >> jimmy: focus on the jordan thing. >> focus on the jordan thing.

it's a bigger inheritance on the jordan side. >> jimmy: congratulations on your budding music career. the song is called "til the club close." you can see tiffany on tour at tiffanyhad dish.com. >> performing with lil rehl. you have to check it out. it is really good. i've been working on songs with diane warren. >> jimmy: have you really? >> yes. i've been working with the best because you know the best get to work with the best. and i'm so excited. and i'm going to be featuring -- i'm going to be featuring some of those songs. i'm going to give the audience a little bit of everything. you know, i am not just a comedian, ladies and gentlemen. i am an entertainer. >> jimmy: tiffany haddish, entertainer and beekeeper. we'll be back with jeff ross. when i was diagnosed with h-i-v, i didn't know who i would be. but here i am... being me. keep being you... and ask your healthcare provider about the number one

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>> jimmy: jeff ross and tate

mcrae are on the way. but first, it is thursday night. that means it's time to bleep and blur the big moments of the week, whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> inflation, rising prices have prompted a new turn. have you heard it. it's called [ blee >> i think we've got to be mindful of that. we're going to [ bleep ]. we're going to [ bleep ] vigorously. >> stop celebrating halloween back in 2015. they've now pivoted to fall festival activities including pumpkin [ bleep ]ing. >> good morning. we have a cute back of hot [ bleep ] today. very cute. >> i said, don't throw it away. i want to [ bleep ]. i put it in my closet. >> i wonder if my father would be proud. i got [ bleep ] four times in the last four minutes. >> i promise you you can [ bleep ] me any time and i

promise i'll have cocaine on me. >> make sure the costume fits and there's room for the [ bleep ] to move around. >> note to self, don't [ bleep ] right before -- >> don't do it. halloween is next week. >> and it was pouring rain and they came in and [ bleep ] and i was wet most of the time. >> elmo [ bleep ] does make special. >> elmo [ bleep ] does make special. elmo [ bleep ] down to his feet. owner too. s here at once upon a farm, we chose the new capital one venture x business card. with no preset spending limit, our purchasing power adapts to meet our business needs. love it. and unlimited double miles means we earn more too. sweet, right? and when we travel, we get access to over 1300 airport lounges. i could get used to this. the capital one venture x business card. what's in your wallet?

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>> jimmy: hi there. music from tate mcrae is coming up. our next guest is the master of roasts -- a virtu-roasto if you will -- and, oh, you will. he has a new, very personal one man show that will make you laugh and maybe even cry. it's called "take a banana for the ride." you can get tickets at roastmastergeneral.com. please welcome jeff ross. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> is this you on the suit? >> no. >> jimmy: oh, all right. i thought maybe somebody made that especially for you. >> in brooklyn. kind of upped my game for "jkl," baby. had a good looking crowd here, had to look good. how is my hair?

is my hair okay? >> is my hair okay? >> did you like roasting the kids? >> it was a lot of fun. one of the kids i thought recognized me. turns out he thought i was -- lawyer. it was a lot of fun. thanks for letting me do that. >> jimmy: over 25 years ago -- when did we meet? how long ago? >> i guess we probably met in the late '90s right before the man show started. >> you had a one man show you did called "take a banana for the ride" and you gave me a vhs tape. this is fantastic. i watch it. it was really -- it's very emotional, very personal, very sad, very funny, all of those things. and i've been saying to you, you've got to do that. you've got to do that again. and i'm so happy that you're doing that again. >> thank you, jimmy. thanks for remembering that. i remember you were very encouraging. i did this show as a young comic before the roast started. and i wasn't emotionally tough enough to talk about it because i was talking about life and

death and some of the stuff i went through as a young man and how my grandfather, kind of, stepped in and took over and moved in with me, as i was a young comic. and he would give me a few dollars for the toll. we lived in jersey. and a banana. and i'd go into new york to do my open mics. and he'd say, take a banana for the ride. which, i would be like, i don't need a banana. and then seven hours later, i'm stuck in the holland tunnel in traffic with low blood sugar, i'm like, should have taken that damn banana. it's good life advice. they're high in potassium. in a pinch, you could use it as a -- >> jimmy: your grandfather didn't mention that. >> no, he didn't. but it was his way of saying, i can't go with you because he was old and he was not well. but i'm going with you in spirit. and then i grew up and i realized, it's decades later. bananas are, kind of, like people. they get bruised but they're still good.

>> jimmy: that's right. >> and the more they get bruised, the sweeter they are. so, i roast people at the end of the show and i give everybody a banana at the end of the show and i say, take a banana for the ride. >> jimmy: that's nice. >> and my grandfather was one of the coolest guys. he was an old construction worker. there he is. yeah, there he is. >> jimmy: jack, right? >> pop jack. and we were two single guys. i was, like, 23, he was, like, 80 years old. i was, like, pop, you really should go to the senior center and meet some women, you know, your age. he finally went and they loved him. at 8:00, he 80, he cou night. and that's a big thing in that world. i would say, pop, did you get lucky? i gave her a jump. >> jimmy: you lost your parents at what age? >> i lost my mom when i was -- she got sick when i was 12, but she passed away when i was 14 from leukemia.

and my father -- i was 19 when he passed away from cocaine, quite frankly. and i learned early on, you know, we mourn, and then we move on. you can't mourn forever or a part of you dies. >> jimmy: when did you learn that? >> i learned that then. and i learned, you know, you really have to be prepared for anything can happen in life. my sister and i, we're very tight. i spent the weekend with her just now. and we learned early on -- oh, there we are. that's just two months before my mom passed away. she's actually wearing a wig in that picture because she was sick. and one of our last family pictures together. and my sister's awesome. my sister, robin, wanted her kids -- as a mom, she wanted her kids to learn about the circle of life. so, she got them a gold fish. and her kids' grandmother died a week later and that goldfish is 23 years old now. >> jimmy: is it really? >> you never know in life what's going to happen.

life's very unpredictable, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's an old fish. >> i like that one. thank you. that's good, that's good. i like that. >> jimmy: you slow these slides during the show? >> they're from film and pictures. it's a very cathartic -- i didn't want it to be -- we call it a one-man show because what else are you going to say? it's just me up there for the whole show. but it really is an interactive thing with the audience. i talk to the audience a lot. and i bring people on stage. they're going through certain challenges or celebrations in their life. and i have music in the show. >> jimmy: what kind of music do you have in the show? >> i have a couple of songs. one of them is called, "don't [ bleep ] with the jews." yeah. "don't [ bleep ] with the jews." >> jimmy: can we have a little sample? >> well, the jews have been around 4,000 years. we survived the fair row, the

najibu nazis and saddam hussein, and if jesus comes back, we'll kill him again. that's something my great grandma used to sing to me when i was a kid. i just found out that the singer, adele, is jewish. >> jimmy: is that right? >> her full name is a delicatessen. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. thank you. i think we have another picture from the show. what do we have here? oh, wow. look at that. >> see, jimmy, you know, before i knew you when i was a teenager, i worked in the family catering hall. my great grandma rosie started a catering hall in the 1950s before women really had big businesses like that. she was a pioneer in her field. her sons ran it. my grandfather was the band leader, and my uncle murray ran the kitchen. >> jimmy: your mean uncle murray.

>> you've heard about murray. we called him mean uncle murray because he once called his granddaughters the looker and the cooker. so, he got the name mean murray. and i had buck teeth as a little kid, so my uncle murray would just torture me. he would tease me all the time. i really, truly hated this guy fair long time. and then i grew up and i realized he was giving me thick skin. he was preparing me for real life. and i got my revenge on my uncle murray's 90th birthday. the whole family got together and we roasted him. i said, uncle murray's planning a big trip soon to that vase on top of the mantle. so, uncle murray, i salute you. so, if you like family stories and you need, like, a little bit of a cathartic experience, i call it, like -- it's like -- it's like for your brain. it's a very healing show. and a lot of people, you know, they take vitamins.

they exercise. but don't forget to laugh. don't leave serotonin out of your daily regimen. >> jimmy: we've got one more -- speaking of laughing, this is a group of funny guys right there. where was that? >> that was at jones restaurant right here in hollywood. i was -- you can see how happy i am to be with not just three guys that i love, but they were also very dear friends of mine and with each other. and when they all passed right in a row not too long ago, i was very affected by that. and that, sort of, inspired me, jimmy, to look back at the old show that you were referencing earlier. >> jimmy: interesting. >> and say, well what did i learn back then as a young man? what can i apply to it now? and how can i, sort of, pass some of that wisdom and experience on to other people? >> jimmy: well, what i wonder when i look at that photograph, sadly, you're next. i mean -- >> i hope so. i hope so.

>> jimmy: there's a pattern there. >> look at me. even my hair ran away from that. >> jimmy: jeff ross, everybody. you've got to go see his show. it's called "take a banana for the ride." november 1st in chicago. and then at the new york comedy festival november 3rd through 5th at the hard rock hotel. you can get tickets at roastmastergeneral.com. jeffrey ross. thank you, jeff. we'll be back with tate mcrae.

>> jimmy: thanks to tiffany haddish and jeff ross. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, with the song "greedy," tate mcrae. ♪ he said are you serious i've tried but i can't figure out ♪ ♪ i've been next to you all night ♪ ♪ and still don't know what you're about ♪ ♪ you keep ta-ta-ta-talkin' but not much comin' out your mouth ♪ ♪ can't you tell that i want you ♪ ♪ i would want myself baby please believe me ♪

♪ i'll put you through hell just to know me ♪ ♪ so sure of yourself baby don't get greedy that -- won't end well ♪ ♪ i see you eyein' me down but you'll never know much past my name ♪ ♪ or how i'm runnin' this room around ♪ ♪ and that i'm still half your age ♪ ♪ yeah you're loo-loo-lookin' at me like i'm some sweet escape ♪ ♪ i would want myself baby please believe me ♪ ♪ i'll put you through hell just to know me ♪ ♪ so sure of yourself baby don't get greedy that -- won't end well ♪ ♪ he said i'm just curious is this for real or just an act ♪ ♪ can't tell if you love or hate me ♪ ♪ never met

someone like that ♪ ♪ drive me so so so crazy did you know you got that effect ♪ i said lemme check ♪ ♪ i would want myself baby please believe me ♪ ♪ i'll put you through hell just to know me ♪ ♪ so sure of yourself baby don't get greedy ♪ ♪ that -- won't end well oh it won't end well ♪ captions by vitac ♪

♪ this is "nightline." >> byron: tonight, breaking news. the u.s. striking iran-backed militant sites in syria. plus maine manhunt. the all-out search for the suspected gunman. >> he should be considered armed and dangerous. >> in the deadliest mass shooting this year. >> this city did not deserve this terrible assault on its citizens. no city does.