download the app now and you can is o report this friday for sandyha patel, larry beil, all of us, we appreciate your time. i'm dan ashle previously on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> today governor mike parson announced his pick to fill the open seat on missouri's supreme court. the honorable ginger gu are ooch will be filling the vacancy. missouri law requires her to be

sworn in within 30 days of her appointment. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- olivia rodrigo. and eric andre. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, hi. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. thank you for joining us here in los angeles, california, where according to orkin, the pest control people, this is the second-most rat-infested city in america. [ cheers and applause ] chicago is number one. and we are number two. ne spot ahead of new york. which, not that i don't trust the people with the tanks of

rodent poison strapped to their backs, but that's nonsense. i live in l.a., i haven't seen a rat here in about 15 years. when i fly to new york, i see them from the plane. [ laughter ] there's no way there are more rats here than there are in new york. agents, yes. [ laughter ] and i could see how those could get confused. guillermo, when's the last time you saw a rat? >> guillermo: maybe three weeks. >> jimmy: really? where did you see it? >> guillermo: right here in the alley. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: oh. you sure it wasn't a chihuahua that got some work done? [ laughter ] >> guillermo: no, it was a rat. >> jimmy: speaking of rats. america's least lovable senator continues to spread misery and pestilence wherever he goes. ted cruz's hometown team, the houston astros, were eliminated by the texas rangers in game seven last night -- [ cheers ] -- of the american league championship series. and a lot of astros fans think it's because ted cruz was at the game. the astros lost every playoff game ted cruz, who says he's an

astros fan, went to this year. so they asked him to please stay home for game seven. [ laughter ] but he wouldn't. because his wife asked him to not stay home for game seven. [ laughter ] and as a result, he cursed the team and they lost. remember when everyone in texas was outraged that he skedaddled to cancun? now they're begging him to go to cancun. [ laughter ] of course, cruz pushed back against this idea that he is a jinx. "lying hacks @rollingstone. for seven years, catherine and i have attended nearly every astros home playoff game. if they're going to blame me for our recent home losses, please also credit us for two world consecutive alcss. we were there cheering stros on!" right. and here's the thing, whether ted cruz is really a curse on the astros or not, i think we can all agree it's hilarious he's getting blamed for it. [ laughter ] it's like they say -- you cruz, you lose. [ cheers and applause ] so, the rangers are headed to the world series. they'll host the winner of tonight's game seven between arizona and philadelphia, where

phillies fans have been pregaming since last night. >> they greased the poles, no parking signs up. no party tonight, but fans we spoke with said it's just a postponement, tomorrow is when the real party will start. >> game seven tomorrow night! let's go! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: then let's go to the dentist. i think we may have found our next speaker of the house. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's the guy. the house of representatives is ungaveling before our eyes. we are now at three weeks without a speaker after republicans again failed to come up with a viable nominee. in the history of our country, there has never been a situation like this. and there is nothing in our constitution that covers it because our founding fathers, as forward-thinking as they were, never imagined such a large group of elected officials being so unbelievably dumb. [ laughter ] this morning there was a series of closed-door voting sessions. the gop whittled the field of nominees down from eight to one.

tom emmer of minnesota, they picked him. then they kicked him out in four hours. [ laughter ] it was crazy. this morning i didn't even know who tom emmer was. and now i still don't. [ laughter ] i have no idea. altoids last longer than these republican nominees. [ laughter ] apparently the reason for emmer's sudden and early exit is that team trump chimed in. they started working the phones behind the scenes and telling house republicans not to support him. emmer was only one of two speaker finalists who didn't vote to decertify the election in 2020, which of course made trump mad, so the maga nuts started calling him a george soros plant, trump called him a rino, said supporting him would be a tragic mistake, same thing he said about eric. [ laughter ] so now they're back to square one. with nobody. the speaker of the waffle house was in court again today. [ laughter ] oh, man, is he in trouble. i'm telling you right now, donald trump is going to jail, okay? [ cheers and applause ] i'm telling you.

today alone, his former chief of staff, mark meadows, we learned has immunity in the january 6th case. he will testify that he repeatedly told trump that the allegations of voting fraud were baseless, which is the opposite of what trump says. his former lawyer jenna ellis pleaded guilty to felony charges of aiding and abetting false statements in the georgia election tampering case and will likely testify against her former client. and trump's former fixer, michael cohen, testified against him in the fraud trial in new york today. right now, half of trump's lawyers are trying to keep him out of prison and the other half are trying to keep themselves out of prison. [ laughter ] for many years, michael cohen was possibly trump's closest confidant. but like all his closest confidants, not anymore.

>> jimmy: yes, right. he's right. he is a liar. he lied for you. [ laughter ] he was your lawyer who mortgaged his own house to pay off the porn star you asked to spank your fat pink ass with a "forbes" magazine. [ cheers and applause ] the details are important. fraudney dangerfield also took a break from witness tampering to post a review of mitt romney's new book that came out today. "mitt romney, a total loser that only a mother could love, just wrote a book which is, much like him, boring, horrible, and totally predictable." if i was mitt romney, i would put that on the book jacket. [ laughter ] i would make it the blurb. i love it when he criticizes a book he definitely didn't read. [ laughter ] today, the mildly anticipated mitt romney biography, "fifty shades of decaffeinated earl grey," hit the shelves. [ laughter ] it was also release day for britney spears' new memoir, "the

woman in me." there are many shocking revelations in both books. did you know britney spears has been married to will smith since 2016? [ laughter ] there are a lot of nuggets in the book. she even gave a shout-out to yours truly. she recounted something that happened shortly after she divorced kevin federline. she wrote "later that month, i presented at the american music awards. as i waited to go out onstage, jimmy kimmel delivered a monologue and skit about kevin, who he called 'the world's first-ever no-hit wonder.' they sealed a stand-in for kevin into a crate and put it on a truck and dumped it into the ocean." which i did forget about that. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and guess what? kevin federline was never seen again. [ laughter ] you know, the fact that britney spears and mitt romney released books on the same day is pretty great. so we thought it would be fun to make it a game. it's time to play "brit or mitt?" [ cheers and applause ]

i'll read an excerpt from a book. you tell me if the excerpt came from mitt romney or britney spears, okay? you ready for this, guillermo? >> guillermo: ready, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right. "i was accused of being inauthentic. but in reality, that's just who i am. i'm the authentic person who seems inauthentic." is that brit or mitt? honestly, i have no idea what you're saying. that was mitt. that's right, it was mitt. "i can see now that you have to be smart enough, vicious enough, deliberate enough to play the game. and i did not know the game." brit or mitt? we're split again. we're split on brit and mitt. but that is brit. [ cheers and applause ] next. "my sister and i had matching bathing suits and matching perms. [ laughter ] now, today it's basically illegal to give a little kid a perm, but back in the nineties it was just cute as hell." brit or mitt? unfortunately, that is brit,

yes. [ laughter ] "how could i explain that i just wanted to be held for an hour by a man in a swimming pool?" that is brit, yes. well, you get the idea. we'll finish the game tomorrow. [ applause ] all right. we had a fun morning. we have a great show for you tonight, first of all. olivia rodrigo is here. [ cheers and applause ] fun fact, olivia rodigo is almost the exact same age as our show. she was born february 20th, 2003. we premiered january 26th, 2003. we're 26 days apart. so keep that in your pocket next time you need an icebreaker at a party. olivia rodrigo is very talented. my wife is crazy for her. and now, our kids, my daughter jane who is 9 and our 6-year-old son billy love her too. we listen to her every morning on the way to school. so, we thought it would be fun to surprise them by picking up a

very special home-schooled hitchhiker this morning on the way to class. are you guys ready to learn things in school today? >> no, not really. >> why? >> i just don't like school. >> you don't like school? >> no. >> billy, would you ever go get to see the hamsters in jane's class? >> yeah, he has a couple of times. >> jimmy: there's a hitchhiker up here. [ cheers ] should we pick her up? >> wait a minute -- >> jimmy: i think we should pick her up. >> oh my god, it's olivia rodrigo. >> jimmy: what? >> hey, do you guys mind if i hitch a ride? could i come with you? >> jimmy: hi, there, how are you? >> hi, bud. hi, honey. >> jimmy: what's your name? >> i'm olivia. do you guys mind if i hitch a ride to school with you guys? >> jimmy: you have to buckle up, olivia, if you want to ride with us, safety first. >> jane, what do you think?

[ laughter ] >> hi, jane. i'm olivia. >> i know. [ laughter ] >> nice to meet you. >> you too. >> you look so cute today. >> thank you. >> jimmy: olivia, we listen to your music on the way to school all the time. >> do you really? >> yeah, we love it. >> i appreciate it. do you have a favorite one? [ laughter ] >> um -- >> jimmy: go ahead. >> i mean, i really -- i really like, um, "ballad of the homeschool." about the ballad of a homeschool -- >> homeschool girl? that's one of my favorites too, that's so sweet, thank you for saying that. >> jimmy: billy, what do you think about this? [ laughter ] >> what's the song we love so much of olivia's? >> "get him back" song. >> he wants to get him back for you. >> oh, thanks, billy. >> what do you want to do when you get him back? >> punch him in the penis. [ laughter and cheers ] >> oh my goodness.

am i a bad influence on your children? >> no, no, it's always this way, don't worry. >> jimmy: yeah. just another way of expressing it. >> absolutely. >> well, thanks for protecting me. i really appreciate it. >> jimmy: jane, do you have a question for olivia that you'd like to ask? >> uh -- what's your favorite song that you play? >> jimmy: very good question. >> that's a great one. >> great question. >> i do like your favorite song, "ballad of a homeschool girl." that's fun to play, fun to rock out to, you know? >> yeah. >> a good singing in the car song. >> jimmy: do you want to test it out, jane? >> pressure's on. >> all right. ♪ ♪ ♪ each time i step outside it's social suicide ♪ ♪ it's social suicide ♪

♪ it's social suicide ♪ ♪ aah aah ♪ >> go ahead. >> jimmy: the speakers in this car are great. >> yes, so good. >> jimmy: sounds like we're really there. >> man, my parents suck. >> billy, do you want to play your favorite? >> uh-huh. >> okay. here comes billy's favorite. >> jimmy: all right. >> punch him in the penis! ♪ i wanna get in there ♪ ♪ wanna make him really jealous wanna make him feel bad ♪ ♪ oh i wanna get him back ♪ ♪ i really miss him and it makes me real sad ♪ ♪ i want sweet revenge and i want him again ♪ ♪ i wanna get him back ♪ ♪ back to back ♪ >> jimmy: it's funny, when you sing about kissing, olivia, what our kids love more than anything when is we kiss each other, right? >> oh, they love that.

>> no! >> they love it. >> oh god! >> jimmy: what? what? you guys love that, don't you? >> no, we -- i -- i do this every time. [ laughter ] >> we're in love, jane, deal with it. >> i think you're adorable. >> jimmy: thank you. >> no! >> ugh! >> the whole morning can't be nice for you, okay? >> jimmy: all right, guys. sadly, this exciting journey has come to an end. what do you guys want to say to olivia before we drop you off at school for learning? >> aww! >> thank you, guys, i feel so loved. have a great day. >> it's all downhill from here. [ laughter ] say bye, olivia! >> bye, olivia! >> we love you! >> jimmy: that was great, they'll never forget that. they better not ever forget that. >> love them. >> jimmy: olivia, this was fun but i do feel compelled to tell you that it's not safe to

hitchhike, and you're lucky we came along, and i hope you don't do that again. >> yeah. i'm sorry, i just -- i don't have my driver's license. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i thought you got it last week. >> i made it up. >> jimmy: oh. >> this isn't carpool karaoke? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, no, we're going to get sued. >> oh, my bad. i'll get out here, i'll get out here. thanks, guys. >> jimmy: yeah, that's probably for the best. go to school! >> bye! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight. eric andre is here. and we'll be right back with olivia rodrigo. inez, let me ask you, you're using head and shoulders, right? only when i see flakes. then i switch back to my regular shampoo. you should use it every wash, otherwise the flakes will come back. tiny troy: he's right, you know. is that tiny troy? the ingredients in head and shoulders keep the microbes that cause flakes at bay.

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>> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. tonight, he is the author of a new book called "dumb ideas." the very unusual eric andre is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, we'll be joined by, oh my goodness, meg ryan will be here. she's never been on the show, right? [ laughter ] thanks for playing along. david duchovny and joe walsh will join us as well. [ cheers and applause ]

our first guest is a three-time grammy-winning multi-platinum superstar whose songs are sung and screamed in cars and showers all over the world. this is her hugely successful second album called "guts." please say hello to olivia rodrigo. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. >> hi. >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: hey, thank you for getting up early and giving my kids a real thrill. >> it was so much fun. i hope they had a good time. >> jimmy: they had a great time. we now don't have to get them a pet, that's how good a time they had. >> it was a pleasure. >> jimmy: i learned something about you. we have a mutual friend who said that one of your regrets, tell me if this is true, about becoming famous at such a young age, is that you never got to

babysit. >> yeah. that's one of my biggest dreams that i've never accomplished. i really would love to be a babysitter. i love kids. if you ever are in the market for a babysitter, hit me up. >> jimmy: we can make that happen. although i'm guessing you'd charge $1,800 an hour. >> no, for you -- >> jimmy: you'd cut us a deal? good, we have some problems with the boy. [ laughter ] the last time you were here, you had just been to the white house. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and president biden gave you a gift? and you told me what the gift was. and i, of course, made fun of president biden because he gave you what? >> okay, this is so embarrassing, jimmy. i thought he gave me a shoehorn. he gave me a bag of president biden goodies, m&ms and stuff, and i was like, what is this weird thing? i went on the air, president biden gave me a shoehorn, ha ha ha! [ laughter ] i went home, i found out it was an ice cream scoop and i lied to you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you didn't lie. you just thought that this was a shoehorn. [ laughter ] >> so bad. it's very obvious that i don't

know what a shoehorn looks like. does that look like a shoehorn at all? >> jimmy: it doesn't look like an ice cream scoop, honestly. >> that's what i'm saying. >> jimmy: okay, this is for ice cream. it's a weird scoop. you'd think they'd spring for the little button on the side. >> you'd think so. now it's safe and sound in the spoon drawer at my house. >> jimmy: so you're using it? >> oh, yeah. president biden gives you an ice cream scoop, you use it. >> give it a rinse, you could still use it as a shoehorn. >> true, true. >> jimmy: two purposes. you have two huge albums which i'm sure is something after you have one huge album you're like, is the second one going to be a huge album? a lot of times it isn't. you put all of it in the first album and there's nothing left. fortunately, it turned out to be a great thing. you got some crazy people buying purses with your face on them. [ cheers and applause ] this woman.

can i tell you? she claims that this is a -- this is an official piece of merchandise, but i do not believe that it actually is. >> whoa. >> jimmy: flip it in the back. >> it's cute, though. >> jimmy: "praying for olivia rodrigo." >> love it. oh, yeah, i did. she's right, she's right. >> jimmy: she is, all right. >> my girl. >> jimmy: that's good news. we were about to have you arrested. [ laughter ] how is your family handling this fame? >> yeah, i mean, my family's wonderful. my family is so proud of me. but you know, they would have been proud of me if i did absolutely anything. my dad brags to his co-workers about me being on the show today, stuff like that. my mom is the complete opposite. she's very modest and very shy. if people ever ask her about what i do, she's just very coy. >> jimmy: what does she say? >> like last year, i thought it was so funny. i was in vegas for the grammys.

grammys happened in vegas last year. she was getting her hair done. the hairdresser's like, how is your daughter? oh, she's 19. where is she now? oh, she's working in vegas. oh, what does she do? my mom's like, she's in entertainment. [ laughter ] and so the hairdresser just stops asking questions because she thinks that i'm a stripper. [ laughter ] which, god bless, i wish i had the core strength to do that, but that's not me. [ laughter ] now any time someone asks about my career, she makes them think i'm a stripper. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she goes along with that, wow. they quiet right down. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. speaking of the grammys, this is from the grammys. you won three grammys. [ cheers and applause ] luckily, you won three grammys because you have two -- >> i won 2 1/2 grammys. >> jimmy: you dropped your grammy on the ground and broke it.

>> yeah. >> jimmy: is that a you broke it, you bought it type of situation? >> no. they reimbursed me, thank god. i have three grammys now. the satin glove, they really get you. everything slips right off. >> jimmy: i see, interesting. >> funny photo, yeah. >> jimmy: i heard you're looking to buy a house? this would be your first home? >> yes. >> jimmy: how did you go about that? >> it's really nerve-racking. i'm not good at making big decisions. i love old houses, but i am terrified of ghosts so it doesn't really go well together. >> jimmy: how do you know if the house is haunted or not? >> just a feeling. >> jimmy: is that right? >> you know. every time i walk into a house, the first thing i ask the realtor, did the last owner die in this house? before they can get the word "yes" out i'm like, beautiful home! i hope the past owner is happy in heaven, love it. like, i don't want to upset anyone. >> jimmy: what percentage of the owners have died, do you think? >> you'd be surprised. you should ask. >> jimmy: really? >> you'd be fries are surprised. they have to tell you.

>> jimmy: they have to disclose it. do they have to tell you up front or wait till you ask? >> i don't know, i'm not sure. i'm not a realtor. one of the houses i went to the other day was so creepy. i walked in, our mutual friend actually was with me, and she walked in. we were looking around. her phone just goes "take care" and turns off. i'm like, nope, not staying in this house. [ laughter ] got to get right out. >> jimmy: have you ever seen a ghost? >> no, have you? >> jimmy: no, of course not, there are no ghosts. maybe this will make you feel better. i feel people who think there are ghosts are just convinced there are ghosts and that's the end of it. if there were ghosts when people died, wouldn't the hospital be so crowded with ghosts that you couldn't even walk? wouldn't they be jumping out of every corner? >> i don't know, i don't know. it's fun to think about it every now and then. you're probably right, though. >> jimmy: it's going to affect your home purchase. think about the hospital. >> yeah. when i'm sleeping in bed and i

hear a sound, i'm going to think about that. >> jimmy: think about that, you'll be all right. >> no, my mom -- i don't have any ghost stories, knock on wood, for myself. but my mom, when she was my age, she was living in her parents' house. they bought the house for really cheap. my grandparents were like, yay, great deal for this huge house. my mom was going to bed in the middle of the night and she saw a man descending the stairs into the basement. she didn't say anything. i don't know why. she thought, whatever, i'm going to go back to bed, pull the sheets over my head. didn't say anything for 25 years. recently, my grandmother and mom were having this conversation. my grandma's like, remember that house we got for so cheap? it was because a man died in the basement. so i don't know. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> what do you think about that, jimmy? >> jimmy: i think that -- are your parents drinkers? [ laughter ] grandma have a few belts before bed, maybe? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: maybe he's still down there, by the way. >> maybe. >> jimmy: somebody should go take a look. we're going to take a break. olivia rodrigo is with us. we'll be right back.

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>> jimmy: we're back with olivia rodrigo. this is her album. it is called "guts." sorry i covered your face there. on the back you've got your mouth. [ laughter ] and a little chip in your tooth there also. >> oh, man. >> jimmy: you're not perfect after all. [ laughter ] how did you get that? >> jimmy, i wasn't aware i had a chip in my tooth until this very moment. >> jimmy: is that true? >> new insecurity unlocked, thank you so much. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: see, this is why

albums went away, now they're back, you have to have a dentist on set. >> for real, for real. >> jimmy: this album as mentioned is "guts." the last one was "sour." do you know what you'll call the next one? do you think ahead? is there a pattern? between sour and guts, sounds like you need a tums or something. >> that's funny. i like the four-letter word theme. i'm hope is that the next one -- i don't have it locked and loaded. do you have any ideas of fun four-letter words? you're a good comedy writer, you must have something up your sleeve. >> jimmy: what about lamp? everybody loves lamp. there's a lot of things with light and whatnot. i don't know, i'll come up with something better. >> that's a good one. >> jimmy: yeah, lamp could be good. >> has a lot of meanings. >> jimmy: narc could be good. like you're working with the cops and we don't know about it. >> yeah. that's interesting. the end of the last song, "teenage dream," at the last part me and my producer talking

in the back, we duck it under really quiet, sounds like ambient noise. if you listen it's my producer going, "what should the next four-letter album title be, fart?" we kept it in there. if you listen really closely, you can hear them say that. >> jimmy: that's a fun little treat. speaking of four-letter words, there are words we have to make sure to listen to the clean versions. >> oh, i know. >> jimmy: the vampire song has a catchy little lyric that our son started singing back to us. >> oh my god, i'm so sorry. >> jimmy: it happens. you're not the wiggles. you're an adult. you're making songs for adults. it just so happens that younger people like them too. do you think that when you're writing these songs? >> i do. i think about it often. i love using a swear word when i think it's tasteful and necessary. sometimes i try to tone it down. a few song on this the album i was swearing all over them and i had to pare it back. like in "get him back," because

i miss the way he kisses and the way he makes me laugh. originally it was, i miss the way he kisses and the way he grabbed my ass. i'm like, hm, my mom listens to this. can i say that? >> jimmy: of course. >> all-american bitch, can i say that? >> jimmy: you can say that. >> perfect all-american hips and lips. originally it was perfect all-american hips and perfect all-american tits. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: that i don't think you can say. >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: that's why we have bleeps, it's okay. >> you guys are going to have to imagine. i hope your kids are somewhere else. >> jimmy: plus your mom thinks you're a stripper anyway. [ laughter ] it's probably going to be fine. >> yeah, she's proud of me regardless. >> jimmy: what song are you going to do tonight on the show? >> oh, i'm going to sing "ballad of a homeschool girl." [ cheers and applause ] i'm doing it for jane. >> jimmy: jane is very excited about it.

she's waiting in the wings for this. well, it's great to have you here. you're going on tour starting in february. a world tour, right? >> yeah. i'm so excited. >> jimmy: yeah. are you excited? you get to see -- like have you been all over every place already or not? >> yeah, i'm going to so many places on this next tour that i didn't get a chance to go to on the last one. it's going to be really fun, yeah. >> jimmy: this will be good, like a world education for you because you didn't go to school, you had to stay at home. >> yeah, homeschooled girl, yeah, it's a lonely life. >> jimmy: have you ever been in a class? >> so i stopped going to brick and mortar school when i was like, 12 years old. but actually, last year i took a college class at usc because i was -- >> jimmy: what class did you take? >> i took a poetry class, which was really cool. do you have those dreams where it's the first day of school, you have nowhere to go, you didn't know anyone? >> jimmy: i didn't just have those dreams, that happened to me. [ laughter ] like for four years. >> we shared that experience when i went to college last

year. it was absolutely terrifying. i walked in, i had no friends, didn't know where to go. i actually walked into the wrong class. i just walked into a lecture and sat down. i looked at everyone like, paperwork? i'm like, i did all the reading, they didn't talk about this in the syllabus. i was kind of freaking out. i sat there the whole time. i was like, i'm in the wrong class. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you learn anything in your poetry class? >> yeah, i mean, i actually -- i wrote a bunch of poems. i turned in one of the poems i wrote in the class into the song "lacy" that's on the album. >> jimmy: oh, now. it's a write-off, really, right? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: all right, so you go get ready, do vocal warmups, whatever must be done. a little later you'll come back with a song for us. olivia rodrigo, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. this is the new album, it's called "guts." we'll be back with eric andre!

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♪ to the next. did they even send my lab work...?

wait, was i supposed to bring that? then there's the forms. the bills. the 'not a bills.' the.... ”press 4 to repeat these options.” [chaotic music] [inspirational music] healthcare can get a whole lot easier when your medical records, care and coverage are in one place. at kaiser permanente, all of us work together for all that is you. >> jimmy: hi, music from olivia rodrigo is on the way. our next guest is a chaotic man with a new book full of insight into his ridiculous brain. "dumb ideas: a behind-the-scenes expose on making pranks and other stupid creative endeavors

(and how you can also too!)," i feel like i've been pranked having to read all those words. [ laughter ] it comes out november 14th. and you can see him live on "the eric andre explosion" tour. please welcome eric andre. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you are a ridiculous man. >> i just want to do that the whole time, i don't want to talk about myself. you know what i'm talking about! [ cheers and applause ] your guitar player looked up from his phone like, what is this? >> jimmy: he speaks no english at all. so give him a break, right,

toshi? what have you been doing? what have you been up to? >> i went to mexico and i smoked toad venom. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: most people i would say, oh, that's got to be a joke. but with you -- >> no. >> jimmy: i'm thinking, yeah, you probably did that. >> there's a toad that lives in the sonoran desert that hibernates nine months of the year in the mud, then comes out of the mud like martin sheen in "apocalypse now." it eats rats and [ bleep ]s hot other toads. >> jimmy: eats rats? >> a gnarly toad. >> jimmy: a giant toad. >> if you smoke the venom off its legs, you get high out of your mind. i sailed into the anus of the milky way galaxy. [ laughter ] spun around saturn's rings, i had thanksgiving dinner with god. [ laughter ] it was unbelievable. >> jimmy: really? for real? >> yes, it's kind of like ayahuasca on acid. it's miles above, on the 88th floor, it's insane. >> jimmy: the toads must be really confused when you're

there with whatever you smoke -- how do you roll it up -- >> you smoke it in a little crack pipe. scrape it off the legs of the toad and smoke it in a crack pipe. yeah, you go right into neptune. >> jimmy: do you bring your own crack pipe, or do they have that for you? a rental situation? >> it's a -- the guy, the shaman, he looked like a skinny guillermo del toro. he had all these cool tibetan singing bowls and a great crack pipe. i used his crack pipe. >> jimmy: you recommend it? >> i highly recommend it. >> jimmy: is it on yelp? how would people find that? >> it's on postmates and uber eats. no, i -- i've done a number, i'm not going to say it aloud on television -- >> jimmy: it would be funny if you did, though. every time you sign one of these books, you write the guy's number in the back. it is a dumb idea, right? >> yeah. it might not -- >> jimmy: you're in the middle of a tour right now, "the eric andre explosion tour." i happen to know it's not your typical tour. >> no. >> jimmy: no. what could people expect to see

on this tour? >> it's like if carrot top went into a violent, violent rage and tried to attack everybody in the audience, destroy all the furniture on the stage, sprayed as much ranch and other salad dressings into the audience. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> i'll bring a middle-aged man out in the audience and tie him to this janet jackson sex swing, motorboat his tits and -- it's interactive, gonzo. >> jimmy: it sounds interactive. >> it's not just joke telling. it's a live talk show. it's like this. >> jimmy: do they react positively to the pickle tits and whatnot? >> sometimes. >> jimmy: sometimes, yeah. >> sometimes. sometimes. there's a lot of nudity as well. >> jimmy: this book, i want to congratulate you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: first of all, the book has been named oprah's book club selection for this month. [ laughter ] >> and that was -- i believed you for a second. that's where my ego is at. yeah, you know what?

oprah would like this book! >> jimmy: you can do a lot of stuff to gayle when she goes through this thing. [ laughter ] you and i have a fondness for pranks. >> yes. >> jimmy: in fact, we do a show together. >> yes. i quit many times, and i apologize. >> jimmy: you did. >> to my therapist. >> jimmy: i heard you tell a story on howard stern's show and i feel you barely scratched the surface. >> oh, baby, how deep do you want to go? >> jimmy: scrape the venom off the frogs' legs, if you will, you actually -- people i think laugh and say, he quit. you actually were like, hey, listen, you called me. because johnny knoxville is one of your cohosts and gabourey sidibe. >> i love knoxville and gabby, but there was a point every one of us had a weapon on us while shooting the show. the show is like "shark tank" for pranks. people come on, they pitch their pranks to us, and we are the three judges. we have to decide whether we want to do their prank.

but knoxville's a crazy person. so he wants to prank you as he's pranking the other people. and a prank for knoxville is just assault with a deadly weapon. [ laughter ] he would hit me with a taser and a stun gun every day at work. and i quit. and then i came back. and i talked to jeff tremaine, who cocreated "jackass" with knoxville. directs all the movies, he's worked with knoxville for 30 years. i go, what do i do? this guy's killing me. he goes, he's never going to stop attacking you. he's going to put rat traps in your mailbox. break your fingers when you grab your mail. you have to get him back. >> jimmy: page 63, by the way. [ laughter ] >> you have to get him back. i have a police-grade stun gun by my bed. i brought that to work, hid it in my clothes. while he was talking to one of the contestants, i pulled it out and hit him in the center of his heart. i wanted to take him down. no, don't say aww. he's tried to kill me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's johnny knoxville.

>> he's tried to quill me. it's knoxville. he's got 17 concussions and a brain hemorrhage, he's fine. i hit him in the heart with a stun gun. he's so impervious to pain he just started going -- then he grabbed the stun gun out of my hand. and he pulled another stun gun out of his pocket. and he just started nailing me with both weapons. until i ran. ran away. >> jimmy: super villain. >> then -- that was probably like the fourth time -- >> jimmy: there was a moment in our conversation that i thought, oh, these guys are pulling a prank on me. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you and i had a long talk, you're like, he's a maniac, it's enough, i've had enough, i'm done, i'm done with the show. and i was like, please, we filmed half the show, you've got to come back. no, no. i said, listen, i'll talk to him. i call him. you've got to make this right. he calls you, you guys talk an hour and a half. he calls me, it's all good, talked, had a great talk, we're fine, i'm going to leave him alone. the next morning, 8:00 in the morning, you walk in the door, he tases you.

immediately you turn around, walk right back out and go home. [ laughter ] lunacy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. this is -- there are a lot of really good ideas in this book. >> yes. >> jimmy: yes. it's called "dumb ideas." do not confuse it with the mitt romney book. [ laughter ] it is not the same thing. november 14th. and see eric live on "the eric andre explosion" tour. tickets at ericandretour.com. thank you, eric. we'll be right back with olivia rodrigo! ♪

♪ the home you've always dreamed of is a blue bag away. shop new lower prices at ikea. ♪ because it's about you. you, who forgot to charge your phone last night. you, who sprints to the boarding line so your bag will fit. you, with him. until one day, you boarded a united plane, that was designed for... well, you. and your phone got charged, your bag fit, (so did everyone else's, but this story isn't about them) your toddler didn't tantrum and you... got to fly happily ever after.

>> jimmy: i want to thank eric andre. i want to apologize to matt damon. "nightline" is next. but first, her album "guts" is out now. here with the song "ballad of a homeschooled girl," olivia rodrigo! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ come on! ♪ cat got my tongue and i don't think i get along with anyone ♪ ♪ blood runnin' cold i'm on the outside ♪ ♪ of the greatest inside joke ♪

♪ and i hate all my clothes ♪ ♪ feels like my skin doesn't fit right over my bones ♪ ♪ so i guess i should go ♪ ♪ the party's done and i'm no fun ♪ ♪ i know i know i know ♪ ♪ i broke a glass i tripped and fell ♪ ♪ i told secrets i shouldn't tell ♪ ♪ i stumbled over all my words ♪ ♪ i made it weird i made it worse ♪ ♪ each time i step outside it's social suicide ♪ ♪ it's social suicide wanna curl up and die it's social suicide ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i laughed at the wrong time sat with the wrong guy ♪ ♪ searchin' how to start a conversation ♪ ♪ on a website how to flirt ♪ ♪ i talked to this hot guy swore i was his type ♪ ♪ guess that he was makin' out with boys like the whole night ♪ ♪ everythin' i do is tragic every guy i like is gay ♪

♪ the morning after i panic oh, god, what did i say ♪ ♪ i broke a glass i tripped and fell ♪ ♪ i told secrets i shouldn't tell ♪ ♪ i stumbled over all my words ♪ ♪ i made it weird i made it worse ♪ ♪ each time i step outside it's social suicide ♪ ♪ it's social suicide wanna curl up and die ♪ ♪ it's social suicide, yeah when i'm alone i'm fine ♪ ♪ but don't let me out at night ♪ ♪ it's social suicide it's social suicide ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i broke a glass i tripped and fell ♪ ♪ i told secrets i shouldn't tell ♪

♪ i stumbled over all my words ♪ ♪ i made it weird i made it worse ♪ ♪ each day that i'm alive it's social suicide ♪ ♪ it's social suicide wanna curl up and die ♪ ♪ it's social suicide don't let me out at night ♪ ♪ i'm shocked i'm still alive it's social suicide ♪ ♪ ♪ thought your mom was your wife ♪ ♪ called you the wrong name twice ♪ ♪ can't think of a third line ♪ ♪ la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ this is "nightline." >> byron: tonight, on trial. >> there's blood everywhere. >> byron: the shocking murder in the world of elite cycling. kaitlin armstrong on trial for allegedly tracking and killing