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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 23, 2023 11:35pm-12:38am PST

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available for apple tv along with google tv, amazon fire tv and roku. all you have to do is download the app now and start streaming for free. with that, we say good evening and thank you again for joining us. i'm dionne lim right now on jimmy kimmel, we have seth rogen and musical guest two chainz and lil wayne. have a great night and happy thanksgiving previously on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> if you poop on me, i swear to god, i swear to god if you poop on me. what are you doing? you better not poop on me. aahh! his butthole's moving! aahh! >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- paul dano -- nick offerman -- and seth rogen.
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plus music from 2 chainz & lil wayne. with cleto and the cletones. and now jimmy kimmel! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for barreling through raging freeway infernos to be here. i know, it happens to be my birthday today, thank you. i appreciate it. 73 years old. 73 years old. everybody says i hope you have the best birthday ever. i will tell you, with certainty, it has not been the best birthday ever. it started off rough.
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i got on the scale this morning. i have one of those digital scales that connects to your phone and that way, you can keep a record of your weight -- for future generations. [ laughter ] i guess, for my grandchildren. and this scale, it's like an 80 dollar scale that, every time you get on it, it tells you how much weight you either gained or lost since the last time you got on it. so i get on it this morning, and the first display is a little graphic that says "happy birthday." [ laughter ] which is a weird thing, coming from an appliance. you're standing on naked. [ laughter ] and then after happy birthday, the next screen it tells me since the last time i weighed myself, which was thursday, by the way, i've gained 4.9 pounds. [ laughter ] happy birthday, you gained five pounds in four days! i almost took it out to the garbage. i almost threw it in the recycling bin. [ applause ] i also got a lot of texts today. when your birthday is in the news, you get a lot of texts from like, a guy that got you tickets once to cirque du soleil. [ laughter ] or a driver that picked you up
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from an airport in detroit. like what the hell? 2008 was the last -- that kind of thing. the people you really want to hear from on your birthday. [ laughter ] but i also, got a nice email from a celebrity. you want to know who the celebrity was? not you, but i did get a nice text from you. >> guillermo: ben affleck? >> jimmy: no. >> guillermo: george clooney? >> not george clooney, no. >> guillermo: matt damon. >> jimmy: no, come on. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: will ferrell. >> jimmy: i said a celebrity. >> guillermo: will ferrell. >> jimmy: no, not will ferrell. the answer is weird al jankovic. [ cheers and applause ] so, i think i made out in the plus column. speaking of making out, did you see this video of travis kelce and taylor swift? [ cheers ] woo indeed. travis kelce flew all the way to argentina to see taylor swift, and you know, she makes him buy the tickets. [ laughter ] he has to get them on ticketmaster like everybody else. after the show, she comes off stage. he is there. she runs, jumped into his arms,
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and then he ran her back 57 yard for a touchdown. [ laughter ] it was incredible. [ applause ] these two, i mean, she's on tour around the world and still makes it to his games on sundays. he's in the middle of a football season and flying to buenos aires. they're making it very hard for every other couple that's in a long-distance relationship right now. [ laughter ] "oh, you can't make it to my mom's house for thanksgiving this year? travis flew to singapore!" [ laughter ] for taylor. on the other side of humanity's coin, we have donald trump jr. who was in court again this morning. there he is. you hear the protesters chanting "crime family, crime family." and that's basically what these people are, a crime family. a very dumb crime family. the gambozos. if you will. [ laughter ] don jr., he is so embarrassing. he is on the stand. he is testifying in this $250 million fraud trial and he has to compliment. he said his father is "an artist with real estate."
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yeah, he's an artist. he's vincent van going-to-jail. with real estate. [ cheers and applause ] he also boasted that his dad is the father of hotel gyms. he said, "maybe someone had put a gym in a building somewhere, but no one did it at the scale of my father." he is saying that his father, the father of the hotel gym is the guy who never stepped inside one, okay? [ laughter ] the amount of ass-kissing in this trial is insane. djtj of course, denies any and all wrongdoing and is instead going with the "our accountants did it" defense. >> i'm not supposed to rely on a big five accounting firm, one of the biggest accounting firms in the world. i can pay them millions of dollars. i rely on them to do accounting, but i'm supposed to know more than them. by this logic, insurance companies are going to start suing patients for listening to their doctors, right? you understand? am i supposed to know more? don jr. doesn't know anything about it.
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i'm not an accountant. i'm a business guy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm a business guy who had his elbows soldered together. [ laughter ] now i move my arms like a muppet. and with all the complaining the trumps do about this trial playing out in the media, you can barely even turn the channel without seeing their lawyer doing interviews. >> what have they been asking the kids? and tell me how they fit into all of this? >> they don't fit into all of this. what have they been asking the kids is very simple. they'll ask the kids did you give a value to somebody, did you do something? and everybody said resoundingly, no. these kids did nothing wrong. they should not be in the case. ivanka is already out of the case. the boys should not be in the case. >> jimmy: that's right, they're just boys. [ laughter ] they're kids. eric has a book report due this weekend! [ laughter ] they're both still wearing pull-ups! they're on trial? i mean, come on. [ laughter ] don and don jr. had some father and son event this weekend. they went to the ufc fight at madison square garden. there they are. trump is being cheered on.
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he has dana white there. he has tucker carlson in the back. he has kid rock in tow. oh, yeah, there we go. a little fist bump. don jr. was thrilled to be a part of the group. he posted this picture of him and tuck cackling in their blue checker print shirts. a couple of banana republicans right there. [ laughter ] and by the way, donald trump's older sister maryanne, the former judge, died this morning. they found her unresponsive in her apartment. she was 86. so far today, trump has posted lashing out at the witch hunt, attacking deranged jack smith, going on about radical left zealots and thugs and plugging a book of letters he's selling, but no mention of his sister. i hope he at least has the decency to find a good plot for her on his golf course. [ laughter ] meanwhile, another republican candidate has whittled himself out of the race. tim scott has decided to suspend his campaign for president. if you don't know who tim scott is, it's why he decided to suspend his campaign for president. [ laughter ] this is tim.
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[ applause ] >> jimmy: asking voters to paint him like one of their french girls. [ laughter ] he is gone now, and it's a shame. looking forward to seeing what weird way he was going to sit next. [ laughter ] so with scott out, the remaining republican candidates are donald trump, ron desantis, chris christie, nikki haley, freddy kreuger, snidely whiplash, and a big mouth billy bass. i think. and on the independent side -- rfk jr. who is, not only is he anti-vax, he is also apparently anti-socks. he was photographed strolling around barefoot on a food-covered airplane floor. it takes a special kind of psychopath to wear a belt but no shoes. [ laughter ] but this is how you build natural immunity. big pharma won't tell you to walk around barefoot on an airplane because there's no money in it for them. and then we have another unbalanced candidate. remember the qanon shaman? this guy? well, he is out of prison and now wants to spend time in
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congress. he's running as a libertarian in arizona. it's like they say, "if you can't violently overthrow 'em, join 'em!" [ laughter ] i have to say, i kind of want him to win just so we can see him in the lunch room with george santos. [ laughter ] there is another new trump book out tomorrow. this one is from jonathan karl of abc news. it's called "tired of winning." and there are some pretty good nuggets. karl says that back in 2020, trump hung up on kim kardashian, who was calling to try to get someone out of prison because he suspected she'd voted for biden. and he also reports that trump was obsessed with a totally bananas idea that he could somehow get reinstated as president. an idea he got from our mypillow pal mike lindell who promised trump he'd be reinstated august 13th, 2021, eight months into biden's term. i guess that didn't happen? [ laughter ] it hasn't stopped mike lindell. the pillow man is still at it, zooming into his tv livestream from all over the place. he seems to be traveling constantly. why, we do not know, but we did spend some time putting his whereabouts together.
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♪ >> hello, everybody, welcome to "lindell report." we're going through slippers here. he turned a blind eye to this election crime. just a computer error can cost an election. that's why they're attacking mypillow. we get rid of the machine, we melt them down, turn them into prison bars. >> how am i coming in? >> loud and clear. >> when i got evidence in january of '21, it shows china was in the -- inside. >> really? >> the mypillow 2.0, it went viral on twitter. >> there is mike. hey, mike. >> election of 2020 is going bye-bye. i must be in a no parking zone or something. it's a beautiful day here for america. >> our customers have always stepped up. donald trump won. we're going to get him a cross. i've been attacked. i have the highest credential. did it appear like he was attacked? that's the law. nothing to make a joke about.
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i just got stung by a bee. we're going to send a formal invitation to jimmy kimmel. tune in to jimmy kimmel wednesday night. we got to get rid of the computers in our elections. is that a new thing you're doing where you blur the background? jump on the bandwagon, because you're going to be bye-bye. frank social. being the important -- >> i think we lost mike. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. we lost mike a long time ago. [ applause ] just coming around to it now. it is a busy time for mike lindell, no doubt, but even busier for our embattled former president. who, i guess in an attempt to mend the wall between himself and the latino community, sat down on his balls for an interview with univision where he was taken to task on a number of subjects by one of the toughest journalists, in any language. do you see where this is going? let's find out. >> buenas noches, and welcome to the interview of donald trump. mr. trump, first question.
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stormy daniels say you have a chalupa that is very small. es verdad? >> i do. >> guillermo: me too. it's okay. [ laughter ] okay. next question. what will happen if you stop eating at mcdonald's? >> they would be out of business. they'd be out. >> guillermo: because you eat so much? >> i do. >> guillermo: me too. what about melania? how you describe your marriage? >> it's a hoax. >> guillermo: yeah, that seems right. i have to say, you look very orange today, sir. some people say you look like an oompa loompa. what do you think of the oompa loompas? >> they're energetic people. they have more energy. they have -- they're very smart. they're incredible people. they're passionate people. you know, it's always tough to generalize about people, but you can, you know. some people say oh, that's not good. it's not politically correct. >> guillermo: you're probably right. it is time to stop being so pc about oompa loompas. great point, sir. oh, i have another question for you.
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can you tell me who is this? >> that's silence of the lamb, hannibal lecter. >> do you know him? >> friend of mine. he's a tremendous man. he's been very loyal to me, i've been very loyal to him. >> guillermo: next question, who are these guys? >> these are people that are very, very disturbed, very, very mentally ill. >> guillermo: yes, they seem very bad and very ugly too. anyway, thank you for inviting me to your very weird house. before i go, i have a surprise. it is my honor to announce you have been named mexico's 2023 pendejo of the year. [ applause ] you look good, sir, like a real pendejo. you are welcome. that was interview with pendejo numero uno donald trump. back to you in the studio,
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jimmy. >> jimmy: great work, guillermo. you're outstanding. [ cheers and applause ] hey, we have a fun show tonight. we have music from, 2 chainz and lil wayne. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll be right back with paul dano, nick offerman and seth rogen. paul dano, nick offerman and seth rogen. stick around. ( ♪ ) nissan has a car for everyone. (engine revving) every driver who wants more. more turbo. ( ♪ ) more freedom. ( ♪ ) more electric. ( ♪ ) (engine revving) at nissan, more is all we do. ( ♪ ) ♪ (nissan mnemonic) ♪
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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. tonight, their new album "welcome to collegrove" comes out this friday. music from 2 chainz and lil wayne. [ cheers and applause ] we have a lineup of great
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shows with a great lineup of guests, including emma stone and nathan fielder, kurt and wyatt russell, julianne moore, paul mescal, juno temple, glenn howerton -- and music from david laufey and the hives. so please join us for all that. i see guillermo has left to get a shot of tequila. and i told you he wasn't going to remember. [ laughter ] that's all right. you know what? i'm unsafe right now. but oh, there he is. great, guillermo. >> guillermo: thank you. sorry, jimmy. >> jimmy: you all right? >> guillermo: they don't have shot glasses. so they give me this one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: our guests tonight moonlight in the worlds of music, woodworking and smoking related ceramics. they've joined forces to tell the true story about gamestop stock called "dumb money." >> what, yes, hello? >> hi, it's ken griffin. >> hi there, ken. how are you? great to hear from you. >> do you have a minute? >> i -- um, i got to call you
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right back, if that's okay. i'm so sorry. >> sure. >> okay, great. >> hi. >> what's happening right now? >> it looks like there is one guy driving all the buying? >> what, what guy? >> i believe his name is rory kibby. >> jimmy: "dumb money" is in theaters and on digital now. please welcome paul dano, nick offerman and seth rogen. [ cheering and applause ] ♪ [ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you for this. this is -- is this a birthday gift for me? >> i heard it was your birthday. i sort of assumed these guys might bring you something. they didn't. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> but i didn't want to show up empty handed. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. and you didn't happen to get this from your hotel room, did
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you? >> it's the thought that counts. [ laughter ] >> i didn't get you anything, so. >> jimmy: well, thank you. you know what? my scale will reprimand me for that tomorrow morning. but i appreciate it. how you guys doing? >> very well, thank you. paul said that that could be from us. >> jimmy: oh, he said that it could be from you and then he took full credit for it, which in fact he does deserve, yeah, yeah. >> nick, you knew it was jimmy's birthday from our briefing. >> i did. but i ran out of time. we talked about crafting a custom paddle and getting into a whole spanking scenario. [ laughter ] the strike just ended. you know, let's keep this loving. >> jimmy: maybe next year. next year, that would be nice. how well do you guys know each other? >> i know them both pretty well. >> nick and i have never met in the flesh. >> they met in the hallway, literally before this. >> jimmy: people are laughing,
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but i was wondering about that, because in the movie, you guys play -- you have kind of a different world that you're in, and you don't have scenes together. >> yeah. we all shot at separate times. i'm a huge fan of his. seth and i worked together last year on steven spielberg's film "fabelmans." >> that's right. [ cheering ] >> a lot of fableheads in the crowd tonight. >> when we got the job, seth texted me saying this is so exciting that we get to work together. and i said, yeah, until you [ bleep ] my wife. [ laughter ] >> i hadn't read the script. i had only been offered the role. i was really confused, honestly. [ laughter ] but then i was relieved. >> jimmy: then you guys, seth and nick, worked together in the pam and tommy deal? >> yes, also from craig gillespie, who directed. >> jimmy: who directed this very film.
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>> this beautiful piece of work. >> jimmy: interesting. and how is it going? are the two of you liking each other? it seems like you've gotten off to a fairly strong start. >> what's not to like? [ laughter ] my goodness, yeah. >> it's pretty amicable so far. >> jimmy: by the way, i learned a lot watching this movie, because i knew about that whole gamestop thing. i'd read about -- i never really bothered to get into the details of what was going on. and it's such an interesting story. it's also so weird to make a movie about real events that happen like two years ago. it's rare that people turn things around that quickly, you know. and was this a story that you guys were personally following when it was happening? >> no. >> i was aware of it, but i didn't know -- i don't get granular when it comes to my own investment portfolio. >> jimmy: you don't? >> no. i invest in chisels and hand tools. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: have they appreciated in value? >> damn right they have. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: nice. >> when it comes to hand tools, you get what you pay for, and that means good steel. >> jimmy: are you an investor? are you a guy who plays the stock market? >> no, no, no. i hate losing money. i would have to know. i would have to study it. i would have to get into it. i can't even play poker with friends. i don't want anything to do with losing money. >> jimmy: oh. how about you, seth? >> no. i'm not great with investment. in general, my life, when i was 13, i had my bar mitzvah, and i took all the money and bought a hallucinogenic mushrooms with them. [ laughter ] and then all my friends wrote in my yearbook, the day school ended, that's when my bar mitzvah was, my friends wrote hey, i'm so psyched to eat all the 'shrooms you got. and my parents read my yearbook, what the [ bleep ] is everyone talking about? [ laughter ] "oh, that's just a joke."
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then they looked in my backpack where there were several ounces of mushrooms, and they took them and threw them in the garbage. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> so that was a poor investment, i guess i would say, ultimately on my part. [ laughter ] but if it went well, i would be a 'shroom magnate. >> jimmy: you're dressed like a 'shroom magnate. >> i am dressed like a 'shroom magnate. that's what i showed my stylist, 'shroom magnate. >> jimmy: did you guys know -- like paul -- you didn't get to meet this guy. the movie is -- the center of this film is the guy named keith gill who would go on this reddit page and talk about this gamestop stock. it's a complicated thing, i won't get into all the details of it. but reddit rose up to kind of defeat the man and to support these little video game stores that are in the mall. >> yeah. my guy, roaring kitty. >> roaring kitty, his god-given name. [ laughter ] >> roaring kitty. i really wanted to meet him. he had to sort of disappear. i felt like he was a samurai who
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walked off into the distance and didn't want to be found, didn't want to go stand outside his house like a creep. so i just sort of -- in fact, after reading the script, which was wonderful, i looked at just one youtube video of his, and i was like, okay -- it would be so good for me to spend time with that guy, so to speak. his energy was so positive and honest. and he was one of those people who is just like able to be like, this is me. i'm wearing a cat shirt and a bandanna and what's up? where i don't think i'd be able to do that. i'd be too nervous what jimmy kimmel might think of me in a cat shirt. >> jimmy: right, yeah, no, you shouldn't come here in a cat shirt. it's just not something anyone should do. [ laughter ] but it is -- you're right, though. people who are either comfortable or oblivious enough to wear a shirt with a kitten on it are i guess to be admired? >> i think so. it felt powerful to me. i was like, yeah, this would be good for paul to spend some time in the kitty-corner. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: and seth and nick, you play a couple of out-of-touch billionaires. >> yeah. >> jimmy: which indeed what you are. >> in real life, yeah. [ laughter ] it took no research whatsoever. >> jimmy: you didn't meet those guys, did you? >> no, not at all. >> jimmy: those guys can't be happy about this, right? >> no. my guy was publicly vocal about saying that the film was full of falsehoods and fabrications. he made a stink about it. and we discovered that he actually hadn't seen the movie. [ laughter ] and i think -- we did a lot of research. we vetted it. most of what i do is based on actual reciting what he said in court. which they make a document of, you know? i think he is mad that we said what he said in public. >> jimmy: yeah, you can't say what someone says. isn't that defamation? >> but i think he is backed off now. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> because of how -- >> jimmy: handsome you are.
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>> we based the film on facts. >> jimmy: yeah, right. when you do that, it really trips people up, doesn't it? well, we're going take a break and we're going to see another clip from the movie in a little while. paul dano, nick offerman and seth rogan are here. "dumb money" is the movie. we'll be right back. >> lou: portions of "jimmy kimmel live!" are brought to you by las vegas. visit change.org/celebration and sign the petition supporting excessive celebration at super bowl lviii. and save up to 40% on your monthly bill. transcend to a wireless utopia and experience america's smart network. with unparalleled coverage from three of the nation's top wireless networks. no trade-in needed to get iphone 15 pro with titanium on us. save up to 40% on your monthly bill and enjoy the latest iphone every year with unlimited wireless. you know, it doesn't matter if you choose left or right and enjoy the latest iphone because they're both chewy, crunchy and delicious.
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do you remember back at stonehill when they dared me to run that mile naked? >> it was the craziest storm
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that night. >> everybody remembers that. you too, man. you don't think people remember a 4 minute, 3-second mile. >> what is this, a pep talk? >> stop hiding, seriously. okay? stop being all meek and [ bleep ]. >> you want me to run through lightning with my [ bleep ] out? >> yeah, please. exactly that. run through lightning with your [ bleep ] out. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there's paul dano and pete davidson. nick offerman, seth rogan. the movie is called "dumb money." you and pete play brothers in the film. did you guys have fun together? >> i love pete. i loved pete. i felt like i was coming out of a baked car at 16 years old and just giggling and laughing. i've never broken that much on camera. i've never laughed so hard offset. he is just like an open channel, the stuff that would come out. >> jimmy: it's kind of funny you have a movie that seth rogen is in and pete davidson is the biggest stoner. [ laughter ]
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>> i'm getting old, man. >> jimmy: in one scene, you guys, i don't think i'm ruining anything, but you get naked and you run. >> yeah. it goes with the clip. >> yeah, yeah. so our director, craig gillespie, came up to us on set one day, you know, these brothers, in real life ran this naked mile. pete was like, you want [ bleep ]? i'm your guy! [ laughter ] i was like, oh, okay. pete said yes, i have to say yes. >> jimmy: oh, you were bullied into it in a way, like brothers would do. is there a way to prepare for a nude scene? or you just have to go with it? >> it was late october in jersey. >> jimmy: oh, boy. [ laughter ] >> you just have to accept. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> you have to accept the situation. >> jimmy: the consequences, yes. [ laughter ] >> we had to change in a high school locker room. i was sure some kind of fungus -- i was going to take home some kind of fungus. >> jimmy: sure, yeah. >> the football locker room. it turned out to be really fun, though. >> jimmy: it's freeing isn't it
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to suddenly be naked. i'm imagining you both naked. and i don't think that's just in my head. i'm remembering both of you doing nude stuff. >> i get that from a lot of talk shows. >> jimmy: yeah, do you? [ laughter ] >> i was in chicago theater. i was known as, if you need a guy to get naked, call offerman. [ laughter ] in my first play i did in los angeles was on a thrust stage, a mike lee play. and the lights come up at the top of the show and i'm down center naked, and i guzzle two cans of guinness to start the show. and opening night, the lights come up, i drink my guinness, and two little old ladies in the front row, one says to the other, "i have to get my glasses!" [ laughter ] it was all you could hear in the silent theater. and i said, "it's about breadth, lady." >> jimmy: seth, how about you? >> oh, i've been naked many times on camera. >> jimmy: yeah? >> yeah, mostly comedic effect. [ laughter ] the worst -- i made a movie
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called "the interview." >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ cheering ] >> it almost started -- it almost started nuclear holocaust, so we don't have to talk about it. >> jimmy: be careful. >> we don't have to talk about that. there is a scene in the film where i've shoved a rocket up my ass, and i get -- and i'm concealing it from north korean guards, and i get stripped down by the guards, and they have a german shepherd who's -- the joke is the german shepherd is smelling me and smells my ass because that's where the rocket is hidden. so we're there filming, and there is the dog handler and the guy from p.e.t.a., the people for the ethical treatment of animals is there. [ laughter ] so you can get that thing at the end of the movie that no animals were harmed. and so the dog, god bless it, is barking and doing all this stuff, but it just won't smell my ass. [ laughter ] for whatever reason, does want to smell my ass, which is insane! and so we keep talking to the trainer, how do we get to it smell my ass? is there anything we can do? the trainer is pointing at my
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ass, sniff, sniff, sniff! [ laughter ] the dog will not smell my ass. the trainer keeps giving the dog when it performs well little jerky treats. like little beef jerky treats. so me and evan, my co-director. looking at these beef jerky treats. evan's like, "i think i know how to get the dog to smell your ass." [ laughter ] so i end up shoving beef jerky in my ass. [ laughter ] and it works. the dog is sniffing my ass. the dog is doing it. and we get a few takes of it. and i go back behind the camera, and the guy from p.e.t.a. is standing there like this. [ laughter ] and i go to him, this isn't mistreating the dog, right? like the dog isn't going to be upset by this? and he was like, the dog doesn't care. i can't believe yao you are doing this! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: looking out for you.
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>> i got worms also from the dog. [ laughter ] i had to comb for three weeks. >> jimmy: the important thing is after all that, no one got to see that movie. >> exactly. and at least after that the movie was shelved. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so a lot of this movie you guys are in takes place on social media. seth, you are -- nick, you are also -- are you, paul, on social media? >> no, i'm not. i created some fake accounts, though, to get in touch with the young people. >> jimmy: oh you did. can you say what they are? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> no, definitely not. that's really -- that's not something i want in my life. i went on tiktok, and i was sent a video about how oat milk isn't good for you. and i wanted to be done with tiktok, because i drink oat milk every day and i didn't need to know that. and some of the others. but it reminded me, you know, of
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aol and instant message starting out. and when i was young and in touch. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. what was your screen name on aol and instant messenger? do you remember that? can you say that? >> yeah. it was -- i just want to give the disclaimer. it was middle school. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> but me and all my friends decided to make our first screen names and end them with 40 oz, as in 40 ounces, as if us 12-year-olds drank 40 ounces. >> us too. [ laughter ] >> i think mine was peanut 40 oz. and my friend was cell dog 40 oz. >> inarguably badass. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: nick, what was yours? do you remember? did you have one? >> yeah, there was again, very adolescent. i was also in middle school in the early oughts. [ laughter ] it had the words "donkey punch." donkey punch 40 oz.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: seth, did you go through that? did you have that deal? >> we don't have aol in canada. >> jimmy: oh, do you have col? >> col. canadian online. [ laughter ] no, i actually joined the internet pretty late. it was actually -- we were making the movie "the green hornet" and that's around when i joined the internet. >> jimmy: no way! >> joined the internet. [ laughter ] that's what you do, join the internet. and the reason evan, my writing partner, we would go on imdb on the message boards. there are all these nerds that were really mad that we were make "the green hornet." so we would go on the message board and argue with them, like screw you, nerd! but we didn't realize we were using our actual names. [ laughter ] then someone from sony was like, are you arguing with nerds on the imdb message boards? we're like, how did you know that? it literally says seth rogen.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with paul, nick and seth. it's here. black friday week is live at target. [ “love like this” by rosemarie ] don't miss the last days to save on black friday deals. hurry, these black friday deals end saturday. only at target. [ music ends ] hmmm... can this be more, squiggly?
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for all that is you. ♪ [ cheering and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with paul dano, nick offerman, and seth rogen. the cast of "dumb money," which is the story of the gamestop stock. and if you are confused by it as i was while it was happening, it explains the whole thing quite beautifully, yes. and do you guys -- now you worked with this director craig gillespie before. you had not worked with craig. nobody has to audition. you don't have to audition anymore for things, right? >> generally. especially when you get the breakdown when they're casting something, it often says a seth rogen type. a mushroom tycoon who wears velvet and jewel tones. they're like, should we get
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seth? let's go! >> they're like, ask pete davidson if he's available. he's younger now. >> jimmy: is it helpful to know your co-stars before going in? do you find that a shortcut? >> i actually find it sometimes harder to act with people i know very well, because acting i find to be embarrassing sometimes, because you're -- because it's silly. you're pretending. you're pretending. and so, yeah, one time actually i auditioned for the film "8 mile," the eminem film. >> jimmy: you did? >> yes, i did. and i am really good friends, still am with jason segel, the actor. we both had auditions for "8 mile." the casting director didn't feel comfortable reading -- it was a part opposite eminem. and she didn't want to read the eminem role. she was like, bring in an actor to read the eminem role with. >> jimmy: she told you? >> it was incumbent on the auditioner to bring in a scene partner, which is weird. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and so me and jason both had auditions for this role, rabbit,
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that was the role, rabbit. no, rabbit is eminem. it was the other. how is it -- cheese. his name is cheese. >> jimmy: cheddar. >> that was it, cheed lar, [ bleep ]. when is the last time you saw "8 mile"? >> jimmy: before you joined the internet. >> before i joined the internet. i was invited to join. so yeah, i'm auditioning for ched lar. jason segel is also auditioning for cheddar. we're like, can we just go in together? he'll read for me he'll be rabbit and i'll be cheddar. then we'll switch and i'll be rabbit and he'll be cheddar. and they said yes. and then we go in there together. we had a sleepover at my house that night. [ laughter ] >> awww! >> and we practiced, we ran our lines. when you're alone, it's different. and then we got there, and the casting director was like, "action." and the first line is me being like, yo yo yo, let me show you
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my demo, it's at paisley park. and i said it and started laugh hysterically. and jason started laughing hysterically. and we both laughed until we cried. and then were both just asked to leave. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: at least you get a sleepover out of it. nick, what did you do over the strike? did you have any fun hobbies/activities? >> i have a wood shop here in los angeles. >> jimmy: i know that. >> so we made -- >> made that desk. [ laughter ] >> we made this desk and then we put it in the sky mall catalog. >> jimmy: oh, really, is it now available? >> it's available in oak, mahogany and walnut. >> jimmy: maybe we'll get different wood tones. >> i toured as a humorist. >> jimmy: right. >> i toured around the country and the uk and ireland, singing songs for audiences. my newest song is called "eating [ bleep ]." [ laughter ] >> i think eating [ bleep ] brings you from humorous to comedian.
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>> i don't know. i also wrote a new song about that hbo show i did called "the last of us." >> jimmy: yeah, you were great on that. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you. i wasn't going for that. i got a lot of homophobic hate actually directed at me. so i wrote a song called "i thought i was a man but i was wrong." [ laughter ] and i wrote -- when people ask why do you say -- >> i thought you were going to say that was [ bleep ]. [ rim shot ] >> when people say why do you say you're a humorist, it's because i don't write jokes. >> jimmy: i see. >> but i wrote a joke about "the last of us." i say, i'm very lucky that i got this role, because they needed a guy that could use a shovel and there are only three of us in hollywood -- harrison ford passed and jane lynch was not available. [ laughter ] it took me two months to write that joke. >> jimmy: and paul, you were a a -- wrote a comic book, right? a whole comic book series. >> i wrote a comic book that's coming out soon in november about i play this character the
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riddler in the batman film. >> jimmy: yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> i took my backstory and made it into a six-issue comic. it was kind of a dream come true. some little kid in me. >> jimmy: were you that into the riddler beforehand? or embodying that character is what got you all riddler crazy? >> i always would do the work, what gets me to page 1 reading the script. you carry the life with you in your body and voice. so i expanded my backstory into a comic. i secretly thought it would be a comic. i tried to imbue my backstory with the archetypal energy of a comic. i told our director, he said, that should be a comic. i was like, yeah, i think it could be. then it actually came to fruition. >> jimmy: when will it come out? that's awesome. >> november 21st. >> jimmy: and it is called the riddler? >> it's called "riddler year one". [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: look at you guys. keeping busy. thank you for coming. it's great to have you. go see the movie. it's called "dumb money." it's in the movie theaters, and also you can get it on digital now. paul dano, nick offerman and seth rogen. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: their joint album, "welcome to collegrove" comes out friday. here with the song "long story short," 2 chainz and lil wayne! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, thank you all, thank you all, welcome to collegrove ♪ ♪ this night gonna be the death of me ♪ ♪ happy birthday, happy birthday, kimmel, happy
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birthday, happy birthday kimmel ♪ ♪ happy birthday, eh, eh, eh ♪ ♪ wake up light the blunt i put out 'fore i fell asleep my girl look like ♪ ♪ she cherokee my crib look like i'm selling keys ♪ ♪ some therapy 'bout that life i guarantee you livin' life ♪ ♪ vicariously this life gon' be the death of me and she don't care ♪ ♪ where i stay hit that from hella feet she walk out here she wearin' me ♪ ♪ i talk my like me she smellin' me and all i hear is jealous i call them jellybeans ♪ ♪ love my trigger finger so much i bought it a wedding ring yeah yeah ♪ ♪ let's get married cut off his head and the rest get buried crossin' ♪ ♪ my head like a presbyterian tell him he dead and upset his parents ♪ ♪ tears get shed only if you caring right on his head see the red beam blaring ♪ ♪ two twelve gauges like twenty four karats hold up ain't that a ♪ ♪ and it came with that -- i could hit you up from any
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range with that -- ♪ ♪ got papers on draco a case on the radar you mess with me wrong ima bake your potato ♪ ♪ i twist his head up just like a tornado pull out the toast i'm like leggo my eggo i bust down a quaalude ♪ ♪ i bust down a quaalude can't find a straight but i ain't complaining that's how my day go ♪ i said okay i been on my jay i'm ben and she j-lo she been to barbados ♪ ♪ i take her to caicos all of this bread and she can't get a bagel all of that said ♪ ♪ i can't really stay though i hop in the lamb and crank it like fabo wake up light the blunt ♪ ♪ i put out 'fore i fell asleep my girl look like she cherokee ♪ ♪ my crib look like i'm sellin keys my crib feel like ♪ ♪ some therapy 'bout that life i guarantee you livin' life vicariously this life gon' ♪ ♪ be the death of me ♪ ♪ i make you -- you cannot leave ♪ ♪ i drown my heart in kerosene ♪ ♪ a plus off in parenting get my kids damn near everything ♪ ♪ 'fore you get a wedding ring better get her ass a belly ring ♪ ♪ soon as i stopped trappin' man my phone it wouldn't even barely ring ♪ ♪ ion compete but you can't compete plain janes patek philippe i'm with my lady ♪ ♪ we came to eat my stomach you'd think that it changed the beat ♪ ♪ we on a date make it rain some ones they want ♪ ♪ no change but the change gon' come soon as i say it ♪ ♪ it's said and done and my screensaver my favorite gun ♪ ♪ i'm rockin' i'm swervin' i'm
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poppin' detergent get money it's urgent god bless her surgeon ♪ ♪ i rub my hand bird man double cup lean head i done been the weed man ♪ ♪ it's a blessing yeen dead i keep it rolling like paraplegic ♪ ♪ i'm better believe it you better believe it biting on me like every mosquito ♪ ♪ i'm wearing shades think i'm staring at people i did the math ♪ ♪ and ain't no way we equal this collegrove two and so this is the sequel ♪ ♪ this collegrove two and so this is the sequel wake up light the blunt ♪ ♪ i put out 'fore i fell asleep my girl look like ♪ ♪ she cherokee my crib look like i'm selling keys my crib feel like ♪ ♪ some therapy 'bout that life i guarantee you livin' life vicariously ♪ ♪ this life gon' be the death of me ♪ ♪ happy birthday, kimmel, blunt, blunt to my lips ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ welcome to colliegrove 11/17 ♪
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happy birthday jimmy, happy birthday brother, yeah ♪ ♪ hi mom hi kids ♪ this life's gonna be a fantasy ♪ >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] .
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>> jimmy: thanks to paul dano, nick offerman, seth rogen, thanks to 2 chainz and lil wayne. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching. good night! this is "nightline." >> byron: tonight, hostage breakthrough. a temporary cease-fire between hamas and israel beginning moments ago. setting the stage for the release of dozens of hostages, women and children, over the next few days. plus the situation with the situation. mike sorrentino, star of mtv's hard-partying

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