right now on our website. it's up for you on the top news sidebar at abc seven news.com. for now, though, thank you so much for watching. i'm ama daetz and i'm dan ashley for sandhya patel larry biel, all of us. >> we appreciate your time. have a great weekend. stay safe. stay dry right now on jimmy kimmel kaley cuoco have a great night and a wonderful weekend. previously on "jimmy kimmel live!" -- >> when are we going to do the video? oh! >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- kaley cuoco, jake johnson, and music from annie bosko. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you! hello there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. happy new year. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us for our first show of 2024, which is already a crazy year, particularly for me. did you hear this story about me and aaron rodgers, the former quarterback for the packers? [ audience: yes ] all right. what happened is he is a jets quarterback now. he went on a show on espn, the pat mcafee show, and out of the blue insinuated that i was nervous because the jeffrey epstein list was coming out. he said i was hoping it wouldn't and that he was going to pop a bottle of something to celebrate when he did. and then it did come out, and of course, my name wasn't on it, isn't on it, and won't ever be on it.

i don't know jeffrey epstein, i've never met jeffrey epstein. i am not on a list, i was not on a plane, or an island or anything ever. and i suggested that if aaron wanted to make false and very damaging statements like that, that we should do it in court so he should share his proof with like a judge. because, you know, when you hear a guy who won the super bowl and did all the state farm commercials say something like this, a lot of people believe it. [ laughter ] a lot of delusional people honestly believe i am meeting up with tom hanks and oprahs at shaky's once a week to eat pizza and drink the blood of children. [ laughter ] and i know this because i hear from these people often. my wife hears from them. my kids hear from them. my poor mailman hears from these people. and now we're all hearing from lots more of them thanks to aaron rodgers, who i guess believes one of two things. either he actually believes my name was going to be on epstein's list, which is insane. or the more likely scenario is he doesn't actually believe it, he just said it because he's mad

at me for making fun of his topknot. [ laughter ] and his lies about being vaccinated. i guess he's particularly upset because i made fun of the fact that he floated the wacko idea that the ufo sightings that were in the news in february were being reported to distract us from the epstein list. this was aaron's theory that he shared, and i mocked it. let me show you the moment that so badly bruised aaron's thanksgiving day parade-sized ego. >> needless to say, all this ufo talk has the tin foil hatters going wild, including green bay whack-packer aaron rodgers who offered this hot take on the pat mac afee show. >> i believe this has been going on for a long time. interesting timing on everything. there is a lot of other things going on in the world. did you hear about the epstein client list about to be released too? >> what's that? what are you talking about? >> there is some files that have some names on it that might be getting released pretty soon. >> oh. >> jimmy: oh.

[ laughter ] might be time to revisit that concussion protocol, aaron. [ laughter ] so he saw that, and maybe to retaliate, he decided to insinuate that i am a pedophile. this is how these nuts do it now. you don't like trump? you're a pedophile. it's their go-to move. and it shows you how much they actually care about pedophilia. here's the thing. i spent years doing sports. i've seen guys like him before. aaron rodgers has a very high opinion of himself. because he had success on the football field, he believes himself to be an extraordinary being. he genuinely thinks that because god gave him the ability to throw a ball, he is smarter than everyone else. [ laughter ] the idea that his brain is just average is unfathomable to him. we learned during covid that somehow he knows more about science than scientists. a guy who went to community college, then got into cal on a football scholarship and didn't graduate, someone who never spent a minute studying the human body, is a expert in the field of immunology. [ laughter ] he put on a magic helmet, and

that "g" made him a genius. [ laughter ] aaron got two as on his report card, they were both in the word "aaron." okay? [ laughter ] [ applause ] can you imagine that this hamster-brained man thinks he know what's the government is up to because he is a quarterback doing research on youtube and listening to podcasts? i looked it up, this is actually a thing. it's called the dunning-kruger effect. the dunning-kruger effect is "a cognitive bias in which people with limited competence in a particular domain overestimate their abilities." in other words, aaron rodgers is too arrogant to know how ignorant he is. [ laughter ] they let him host "jeopardy!" for two weeks, now he knows everything. [ laughter ] and by the way, i'm not one of those people who thinks athletes and members of the sports media should stick to talking about sports. i think aaron rodgers has the right to express any opinion he wants. but saying someone is a pedophile is not an opinion. nor is it "trash talk," sorry, pat mcafee.

and as far as the "well, you say things about people all the time" argument goes, yes, i do. it's not the same. it's not even close to the same. we say a lot of things on this show. we don't make up lies. in fact, we have a team of people who work very hard to sift through facts and reputable sources before i make a joke, and that's an important distinction, a joke about someone. even when that someone is donald trump. [ laughter ] even a person who lies from the minute he wakes up until the minute he's smearing orange makeup on his mypillow at night even he deserves that consideration. [ cheers and applause ] and we give it to him. because the truth still matters and when i do get something wrong, which happens on rare occasions, you know what i do? i apologize for it. which is what aaron rodgers should do. which is what a decent person would do. but i bet he won't. if he does, you know what i'll do? i'll accept his apology and move on. but he probably won't. [ applause ] my guess is that he won't apologize. i hope i'm wrong. but that's how i think it will go. and i know you guys here in this audience, most, if not all of you, are on my side. and i appreciate that.

i appreciate all the -- [ cheering ] -- all the nice things i've heard from so many people. but my real hope, the reason i even brought this up is, i hope the many, many decent people out there who vote conservative or whatever you want to call what goes on now, i don't see anything conservative about any of it. but to those of you who are part of that, i want to say this, and i hope you'll listen and give it a little consideration. if you are a member of a group that thinks it's okay to randomly call someone a child molester because you don't like what that person has to say, maybe you should rethink being a part of that group. [ cheers and applause ] i also want to say congratulations to aaron rodgers, who has done the impossible. he made the new york jets look even worse. [ laughter ] and by the way, if you're looking for someone who actually was a friend of jeffrey epstein, who called him a "terrific guy" and bragged about his affinity for younger women, i have good news, epstein hunters! i found one!

♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: there you go. just two fun guys checking out the ladies. nothing unsavory there. [ laughter ] meanwhile, trump is getting more extreme and erratic every day. i don't know if you saw. over the break, he mocked the late john mccain's physical disability, one he suffered when he was a prisoner of war. he told families who were grieving about a school shooting in iowa to get over it the day after it happened. and less importantly but more amusingly, former. congressman adam kinzinger says donald trump smells. >> let's just start with your post, the odor, the stench, the stink. how bad is it? what do you know about that? >> yeah, i mean, it's not good.

think about it. the best way to describe it. i've tried to like -- take like armpits, ketchup, like a butt, and kind of put it in a blender and makeup. and put that all in a blender, and that's -- and you bottle that as a cologne. that's kind of that. >> jimmy: now. now we know why melania is always making that face. paragraph laugh we are also getting new updates on what dame doody stench was up to during the attack on the capitol. new information from the special counsel suggested that trump somehow did even less to stop the insurrection than the nothing we already knew he did. when he was told that mike pence had to be rushed to a secure location to get away from the maga hordes, his former aide, trump's former aide nick told investigators trump said, "so what?" they also heard testimony from trump's deputy chief of staff at the time, dan scavino, who said

having to explain to trump that the american people weren't receiving the riots well was not comfortable. but then again, dan scavino doesn't come off as uncomfortable. he has what they call "resting i just sat on my balls" face. [ laughter ] so you understand. saturday was the three year anniversary of the january 6th attack, and it was also eric trump's 40th birthday. two things trump could have and should have stopped. [ laughter ] but it was trump's birthday. it was a lot of fun. they sang and then dad came and played pin the crime on his sons. [ laughter ] they had a very good time. trump has been making the rounds in iowa ahead of the caucus there on monday. and if you were into the idea of building a wall, well, wait until you hear this. >> we're going to build a giant dome over our country to protect us from a hostile source. i think it's a great thing. it's all going to be made in the united states. that's something that i consider productive. these geniuses sit down. most of them are theft from m.i.t. but they sit down. bing, bing, bing, boom. it's god. it's amazing. i think we could use one. do you like that?

isn't that better than giving other countries billions of dollars? billions. we're going give billions of dollars to other countries so they can build a dome, but we don't have a dome ourselves. we're going have the greatest dome ever. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what a dome-ass, i mean, really. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know. i guess it's possible he's referring to an israeli-style iron dome, which is a missile defense system. but it's more likely he thinks we should turn the country into an aquarium. [ laughter ] you know, he gets on these jags where he brings up weird things over and over again. lately he's been stuck on al capone. he keeps mentioning al capone who he is now even playfully referring to as alphonse capone. >> alphonse capone, he was so nasty that if he had dinner with mike lindell and that beautiful smile he's got, al might think that it was a mocking-type smile. mike would be dead tomorrow morning. nobody would know. mike, it would be so painful. >> jimmy: poor mike lindell is

like, thanks, maybe i should go home or something? i don't know. that wasn't even the most nonsensical thing trump said this weekend. the most nonsensical thing he said was this. >> i could tell you about the elevate owners a tremendous aircraft carrier, "the gerald ford." and they decided not to use hydraulics like the john deere tractor. they decided we're going to use magnets to lift up the elevators. think about it, magnets. all i know is magnets, give me a glass of water, let me drop it in the magnets. that's the end of the magnets. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. i didn't know. i didn't know if you dropped the glass of water on the magnets, that's the end of the magnets. we should probably test this hypothesis, right? [ cheering ] all right. if you're game, i think it's time now for "guillermo's science corner." guillermo? >> guillermo: thank you, jimmy. this is a magnet.

and this is a glass of water that i'm going to pour it on the magnet. now we try the magnet again. [ cheering ] >> jimmy: so wait a minute. are you saying -- wait, the president, he said that was the end of the magnet. was that the end of the magnet? >> guillermo: no, that was not the end of the magnet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so what did we learn? >> guillermo: we learned that donald trump is a dumbass. [ cheers and applause ] back to you in the studio, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. all right. we have a fun show tonight. tonight jake johnson is with us. [ cheers and applause ] we've got music from annie bosko, and i'll be right back with kaley cuoco so stick bosko, and i'll be right back with ka when your gut isk around. out of balance,

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right now at mcdonald's. ♪ results or just rhetoric. californians deserve a senator who is going to deliver for them every day and not just talk a good game. adam schiff. he held a dangerous president accountable. he also helped lower drug costs, bring good jobs back home, and build affordable housing. now he's running for the senate. our economy, our democracy, our planet. this is why we fight. i'm adam schiff, and i approve this message.

>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. tonight he has a very funny new movie that he wrote, directed, stars in. it's called "self reliance." jake johnson is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] a very fine country music artist from right here in los angeles, of all places. this is her song "neon baby music" from annie bosko. [ cheers and applause ] we're back in a big way. we've got great guests this week including jodi foster, jeffrey wright, robert downey jr., chris distefano, natalie portman, music from duff mckagan, and what is friday on? that makes sense. all right. anyway, our first guest tonight,

first guest of the year in fact, one of our all-time favorites, her new movie is called "role play." it premieres friday on amazon prime video. please say hello to kaley cuoco. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> hi! >> jimmy: very, very good to see you. >> it is so good to see you. i didn't realize this was the first show back. >> jimmy: first show back. we had last week off. congratulations to you, by the way. i know since the last time i saw you, you had a baby. >> i had a real baby. >> jimmy: a real live human baby. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: a little girl, correct? >> yes, yes. oh, my gosh, matilda. >> jimmy: after the harry styles song? [ laughter ] >> i don't think so. >> jimmy: then i guess it wouldn't be. >> i don't think so. i don't know that song. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, wait until you have a 9-year-old. [ laughter ]

how old is your daughter? >> 9 months old. >> jimmy: 9 months old, okay. >> i can't believe it. >> jimmy: not into harry yet. >> but she does love music. i feel like that's coming. >> jimmy: kids music or real music? >> she likes real music. >> jimmy: she does? >> yes. she is obsessed with dancing. she loves all of it. >> jimmy: kids are funny when they're dancing. it's not really dancing so much as it's kind of -- >> she does this. [ laughter ] she's got one move, although i only have one move too. so i think she gets it from me. like this. >> jimmy: are you enjoying being a mother? >> oh, my gosh, it's incredible. it's incredible. a lot of judgments. >> jimmy: is there? >> yes. >> jimmy: who is judging you? let's go through names. [ laughter ] >> i'm here to call them out. no, i feel like everyone judges what you do with your kid. okay, for instance -- >> jimmy: under the guise of concern? >> well, sure, exactly. we flew with her recently. it was our first flight ever with this baby. >> jimmy: the best thing about having kids is traveling with them. [ laughter ] >> isn't that fun? i realize it's the most fun thing you could do. we were very terrified. >> jimmy: this was over christmas? >> over thanksgiving. i was so terrified.

i thought, what do we do? we have to bringer on sound machine on the plane. >> jimmy: okay. >> it's the only thing she can go to sleep to. >> jimmy: oh, so operate it on the plane. >> to actually turn it on so she'll fall asleep on the plane. >> jimmy: a plane some might argue is in itself a sound machine. there's the sss -- whatever, there's a lot of hissing going on. >> it's funny. when i turned the machine on the plane, i realized i couldn't hear the difference. you're right. the plane is very loud. we put it next to her ear. it's the only thing that will get her to go to sleep. so she's crying. we're having one of those flights that you hear what other people have and you're like, eww, sucks for them. it actually happened for us. she is crying. it was hard. she finally falls asleep, and she's on tom. the sound machine is on. we finally like, oh! the steward comes over. "hey, one of our passengers would love it if you would turn the sound machine off." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> and i'm sitting there. tom's got her. and i'm sitting there, oh my god, oh my god.

i can feel tom be like, "hey. ask the passenger if she wants to hold our screaming child when we turn it off." the ice went into his veins. i was just sitting there. i couldn't believe, by the way, she asked us to turn it off. >> jimmy: that is so crazy. >> can you believe that? >> jimmy: what a terrible job to have to be a flight attendant and have to deliver a message of that type. >> can you -- i can't believe. i can't believe she came over and said that to us. we were so angry. >> jimmy: i bet. >> so then we landed. and it was the woman right in front of us. >> jimmy: oh, nice. >> so we get up. now matilda is like ha ha, life is great. and the lady goes, "oh, so your daughter does know how to smile." it was in that moment where i understood why women end up on "dateline." [ laughter ] i could have -- i could have strangled -- >> jimmy: was that your first time where it touches a nerve? because it happens all the time. it will happen like in the playland at mcdonald's. it will happen at the park. it will happen over and over

again where somebody does something to your kid, and you experience an emotion that you didn't even know you had. >> that was the moment. you're right. i did not -- because i've seen other people struggle with this sort of thing. your kids, oh, that must be so hard. this moment i could have thrown that woman off the plane. >> jimmy: people who get mad at babies on planes, because first of all, what are you going to do? >> can you believe that? >> jimmy: it's not like they want to -- secondly, what, are you supposed to never fly? and also, weren't you at one time a baby? [ laughter ] >> it's crazy. you see all these things on social media where people are really truly getting mad at babies. justice for babies. this is ridiculous. leave them alone! [ cheers and applause ] it's crazy. >> jimmy: do you read like all the books? do you have a stack of books by the bed? >> no. >> jimmy: none of them? >> my friends think i'm a mother of 10. that's how i've acted. it's so bad. i know i'm going to get reamed for this. i didn't read a single book. i don't think i've sanitized. i don't know if i know how to sanitize something. she is fine. it's crazy.

another flight i was on, god, i got a lot of flight stories. another flight i was sitting next to a couple with their baby who was about 6 months old at the time. i knew our flight was coming up. i was like, oh my god, how are you going to do this? are you going to put some tv on for the kid? she was like, oh, no, we don't allow tv yet for our kid. i was thinking matilda just watched the first season of "succession" last week. [ laughter ] i was like, um -- i was like -- okay. so are we not supposed to do that? i don't understand. i'm not kidding. we watched the finale. she was like, oh my god. but they were no, we don't allow -- >> jimmy: a big fan of cousin greg. >> loves cousin greg. was really shocked at the finale. i told her the show was over, she cried. [ laughter ] but i was like, oh, we don't -- okay. i think i'm doing everything the opposite than people are doing. come on. >> jimmy: there are people who are doing and they like to tell you about it. >> they do. >> jimmy: i remember watching a lot of television as a kid. and i think here's the thing.

it used to be, oh, don't watch television. you got to read books. that's how the kids have to read books. now i think television is books, and ipads are television. >> yes, i agree! i agree. >> jimmy: keep them off the ipad. yeah, put her in front of the television, no problem at all. >> she loves her ipad too. >> jimmy: oh, she's got an ipad! [ laughter ] >> she's watching everything. i have no shame. i don't care. as long as she is not crying. >> jimmy: does she know how to operate the ipad? >> she is getting really good. it's scary. she can move. the hands move. yeah. >> jimmy: you know, you don't realize how good you're making a lot of people feel right now. [ laughter ] >> i hope so. >> jimmy: you're making a lot of parents feel really good about what they're doing. >> one or the other, we'll see. a lot of judgment. stop judging the moms out there. come on, guys. let them watch "succession." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what about tom? >> tom is the opposite of me. tom is much safer than me. which helps. i've got the safe parent and then the me.

she's 9 months old, he still holds her where her head won't fall. "honey, i think her head is okay." "you hold her like a sack of potatoes." i put her over my shoulder, but both of our parenting skills equals one good parent. >> jimmy: are the grandparents involved in your child's upbringing? >> yes. my daughter has the most amazing grandparents. tom's mom's boyfriend who i love who i met before i met tom -- not before i met tom, when i met tom. that would have been weird. [ laughter ] when i first actually met tom's mom's boyfriend, his name is john, who i love. when i first met them, i walked in, and he was looking at me kind of funny. and he started saying," hi, penny." he started calling me penny. people do that, they're always knocking at me and things. so hours go on. tom brings me aside later. "i have no idea why john is calling you penny. i am so embarrassed right now. i told him your name multiple times."

i'm like, "no, he likes big bang theory." tom said, "what do you mean?" that's the moment i knew tom had never seen "the big bang theory." you know what? he can call me penny. it's all good. i'll explain it later. >> jimmy: it sounds like tom might need more screen time. [ laughter and applause ] kaley cuoco is here. her movie is called "role play." we'll be right back. [waterfall roars] want to go somewhere amazing? [engine revs] (♪) nice right? but we're not there yet... [natural sounds] not this either... (♪) still not it... finding the next epic place isn't the point. in a nissan pathfinder, the search is the adventure. (♪) biiiig moment here for charles who ate a big 'ole bowl of raisin bran crunch ...and packed a downright immaculate carry-on. big chuck, you sock rollin son of a...

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results or just rhetoric. californians deserve a senator who is going to

deliver for them every day and not just talk a good game. adam schiff. he held a dangerous president accountable. he also helped lower drug costs, bring good jobs back home, and build affordable housing. now he's running for the senate. our economy, our democracy, our planet. this is why we fight. i'm adam schiff, and i approve this message. hey, hey. >> you don't text me. you don't call. i do. that's what we agreed. >> raj, i'm exposed. >> what happened?

>> did you see what i sent you? >> oh, god, what a mess. i told you to stay low. >> yeah, well someone found me. i had to take care of it. >> this is all over the news. you're 100% on radar now. >> i'm coming to you, tomorrow. >> no, don't. if someone is going to send the last piece, the last place you want to be the airport. >> jimmy: that is kaley cuoco in "role play" which premieres friday on amazon prime video. has tom seen this? >> has tom seen that? i don't think he knew where. i was shooting that in germany. he probably didn't know what i was doing there. no. he has not seen that yet, actually. >> jimmy: you play an assassin in this movie. >> yes. >> jimmy: which has got to be the most fun thing to play, of all the things, right? >> i'd always wanted to do something like that. something physical. the minute i landed in germany, the first week we started shooting, i found out i was pregnant. so i did that whole movie pregnant. >> jimmy: a pregnant assassin? >> i was a pregnant assassin. [ laughter ]

i didn't tell anyone because i didn't think they'd let me do any fun assassin stuff. >> jimmy: you kept it quiet? >> i did. the only person i told was my stunt double and tom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that he knows, he's aware. >> he knows that. he knows that. he knows now, yeah. my stunt double knew. if they asked anything crazy, she'd be like, "she can't do that." she'd get in between. >> jimmy: she must have been driving them crazy. they're like, what's wrong? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: did you vomit on her or anything like that? [ laughter ] >> i was so sick. so the only thing i wanted that entire shoot was taco bell, and they don't have taco bell in berlin. [ laughter ] all of germany, no taco bell. >> jimmy: no taco bells in germany? >> you might want to get on that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe you should open some franchises there. >> it's all i wanted. i craved taco bell. the other thing i wanted was subway. i know, this is so crazy. i just wanted tuna sandwiches from subway. so i would be in the corner eating tuna sandwiches. >> jimmy: they do have subway?

>> they have subway in germany. no taco bell, but they have subway. >> jimmy: they did have subway. >> yeah. and i think i was their best customer. [ laughter ] they're like, kaley's been in the corner eating -- it must have been such a gross visual. and no one knew i was pregnant. all she is eating is tuna sandwiches, acting very weird and a lot of sweating. yeah, it wasn't ideal. >> jimmy: you have a pet caroline? >> yes, i do. i came out a line called oh norman. >> jimmy: named after one of your beloved dogs. are the animals -- i know you have a lot. how many animals do you currently have? >> probably an illegal amount. [ laughter ] so many. i swear, my daughter thinks she is mowgli growing up in the jungle. [ laughter ] the animals go by, she doesn't really notice anymore. they've all kissed her and licked her. i hear you got a dog, actually. >> jimmy: we got a dog over the break. [ cheers and applause ] the kids commanded it. we got it, yeah. i have mixed feelings about it. >> how is it going? >> jimmy: it's not going great. dog keeps trying to escape.

>> really? >> jimmy: i think the dog thinks we kidnapped it. [ laughter ] >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: from wherever, you know. it's a rescue animal. >> oh, you rescued one. >> jimmy: well, i wouldn't say -- it's not like i swung in there on rope. [ laughter ] >> i have tons of oh norman product i'm going to send you. yes. >> jimmy: oh, good. is there a product you have that will make the dog like the man in the house? [ laughter ] because i'm the only one he doesn't like. >> yes. we have i love jimmy kimmel tinctures. yes, yes. >> jimmy: i'm not sure he can read. his name is todd. >> anyone named todd can read. >> jimmy: really? you think so? >> that's a very sophisticated name. >> jimmy: i think the opposite. >> you do? hilarious name for a dog by the way. >> jimmy: he came with the name todd, and we thought it was funny. so we kept it. >> it is funny. no, "hey, todd." i can imagine, it's really funny. i love that name. >> jimmy: well, do you give human names to all your dogs? >> yes, we do. yes, we have done some human names. we have like blue and ruby. kingy is one of them. >> jimmy: i know a lot of guys named king. [ laughter ]

>> yeah, maybe we don't do human names. now that i think about it. >> jimmy: norman, right? >> norman. >> jimmy: yeah. not necessarily a dog name. >> quite a gentleman. >> jimmy: i need help, whatever advice you can send. >> i'm sending all my stuff. >> jimmy: thank you. >> i'm so excited for you. were your kids so excited? >> jimmy: they were very excited. there was an ultimatum given that they were going live with another family if we didn't have a dog. it's a whole thing going on. but now, and he is trying to get away. and it's, you know, we're tracking him. we tied like a satellite dish to his collar. >> maybe that's why he is annoyed with the satellite dish. >> jimmy: that was after the attempts to escape. >> oh, okay. he'll get over it. >> jimmy: i guess. if he winds up at your house, will you let me know? >> 100%. i will rescue him from you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: kaley cuoco, everybody. "role play" is the movie. [ cheers and applause ] see it friday on amazon prime video. we'll be back with jake johnson.

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>> jimmy: hi. welcome back to the show. music from annie bosko is on the way. our next guest is a very funny man. he is making his feature film debut as writer, director and star of a movie about a tv show. it's called "self reliance." it premieres friday on hulu. please say hello to jake johnson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i don't know if you know this, but i'm sure you don't, actually, but we hear your voice a lot at my house because you're peter parker in "into the spider-verse." which is kind of great. does that give you a lot of street cred with kids? >> yes. just not the face. but everyone -- >> jimmy: do the parents come up and go, "you know who he is?" >> you know what happen, jimmy, every once in a while i'll be in line. >> jimmy: yeah?

>> and i'll see a little kid. and i'll say something. "yeah, two more of those." and i'll see a little boy go -- [ laughter ] and i'll do the -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> you know, my man. your parents don't. it's a really fun thing doing voiceover, because you can. during the pandemic, i would call. i would leave voicemail as peter b. parker. so i could say to kids, hey, this is peter. i'm here in queens. we're thinking of you. and then i could get videos and kids were like, oh my god! peter's real! and if she see me, nah, he's not real. >> jimmy: you started a podcast. >> yes. >> jimmy: during covid, right? >> no, during the strike. >> jimmy: oh, during the strike. so more recent than that. >> with the great gareth reynolds. >> jimmy: gareth reynolds, a very, very funny guy. how long have you known each other? >> 20 years. we used to do improv. we were at the rustic inn. dive bar. thank you. [ laughter ] no round of applause?

and we were sitting there drinking together. we were both clowns in our show. and i said to him, "hey, you want to pour these beers on our own heads? "and gareth goes, "yeah, man." [ laughter ] so we went like this. and poured. and i thought wow, the first guy who's truly as dumb as me. [ laughter ] so we started a podcast where we give advice. true story. >> jimmy: you do give advice. >> it's a lot of fun. >> jimmy: and i'm sure people say to you, why would you give people advice? but why would anybody give any advice? >> that's how we see it. [ laughter ] who needs a therapist? our kind of whole pitch is, imagine you go to a bar and you've got a couple of drunk friends. we're there to pitch ideas. it might not be the right idea, but maybe the wrong idea gets you to the right place. who knows? i don't know. >> jimmy: no one will ever know, really. >> we're just pitching, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> if you take the advice we have to put a disclaimer. that was gareth's idea at the end, that says "be an adult.

only take this advice if you like it." because it finished and he is honestly, what are we doing? [ laughter ] these are real people with real problems. we're pitching like idiots. >> jimmy: do you have any idea who is calling in, what their problem was beforehand? >> no. we were doing that at first, but then we would plan bits and it sucked. >> jimmy: but then do people call in with really serious problems? >> we also had that. and those also sucked. i'd be like, "i don't know what to do, maybe get divorced." [ laughter ] pass, truly don't care, i'm not a therapist. so our producer kevin started finding them. and they have to be pretty stupid. one of them was a woman's husband flosses in the living room. and it's because his parents do it too. so the whole family flosses in the living room. what do i do? that's wheelhouse for us. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's for you guys. >> it's such a stupid problem, but it's also disgusting. i'm actually with you. so we said, do bathroom activities out there too.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> so if they want -- if he wants to floss when he flosses, paint your nails. you want to push it, buddy, i'll wipe my butt out here. [ laughter ] how weird do you want to get, jack? so we're pitching really serious stuff. >> jimmy: now what happened with the -- the guy who looks like you. >> yeah, the fake jake saga. >> jimmy: fake jake. >> i got a dm from a girl who said, it was really great meeting you at the rain dance festival. >> jimmy: okay. >> some 20-year-old kid. and i go, wasn't me. and she said, yes, it was, and you gave such great advice, and you were so sweet. and i go, it really wasn't me. and i said, if you met me, did you take a photo with me? and she goes, i did. so she sent a photo of the man who she was with. >> jimmy: who? [ laughter ] who does indeed resemble you. >> i showed my wife that. and she honestly goes, the eyes are there. [ laughter ] and so he with a group of his

friends were hanging out with her. he was not a creep. i asked, did he try to perv out? she said no. it would have been a different story if he did. [ laughter ] but he was pretending to be me all night. but my favorite part was -- >> jimmy: you think he set out to pretend to be you? or she said, "oh, jake johnson." >> we had this dude on the podcast. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> because we found him. >> jimmy: wow. impressive. >> because his friend owns a knockoff viagra company called mango. [ laughter ] all facts. >> jimmy: so there is a lot of knocking off going on. >> yes. so we found him, got in touch with fake jake and had fake jake on the podcast. a lot of it, he read my credits. he knew a lot of it. he got two things wrong. one, he is a poet, and he writes love poems. two, he said that me, jake, had slept with 500 supermodels. also, they bought drinks for everybody. garrett was like, that would never be jake. [ laughter ] if you meet jake in a bar, he will not buy you drinks, and he has not slept with hundreds of supermodels.

>> jimmy: i don't think there are 500 supermodels. >> i will say to him or any other fake jakes, keep that lie going. >> jimmy: yes. >> if you're pretending to be me, we've slept with the hottest of hot and we were half good. not great. let's not get insane. >> jimmy: will you keep in touch with fake jake? >> no. but i did have somebody email the show again. and what's really funny is people are spotting him out and taking photos of him. so they're like got him again. he's dealing with paparazzi! what an amazing turn of events. we have a fake ellen. >> jimmy: is that inspired by this? >> no. >> jimmy: where do you find a fake ellen degeneres? >> i was looking at fake oprah's.

i was looking at fake lettermans. >> jimmy: oh. >> but the problem is in the scene, they have to do an impersonation of the person, and then turn and attack me. because it's a comedic thriller. so i realize a lot of people can do an impersonation. they then can't turn and be violent. >> jimmy: really? >> so the fake oprah's are great at saying "everybody gets a gift" but they can't do "get in the f'ing car" as oprah. so this one woman nailed it, and we decided to write it as ellen d. >> jimmy: what was it like being yourself? >> great improvising lines. really bad at memorizing. doesn't have a lot of range. >> jimmy: so wait a minute. you wrote the movie, and yet you had trouble recalling the lines? [ laughter ] >> yeah. i got a bad brain. that's why i do a podcast where i get lines. i would literally do it and forget a line and who wrote this crap? i think we can do it better if we just improvise it, no? >> jimmy: the movie is about a reality show that i can't believe doesn't exist somewhere. >> i think it will. >> jimmy: in the world. >> it's about a guy who goes on a dark web show where they're

hunting him for his life, and he has 30 days to survive. if he survives, he wins. and if they kill him, they kill him. but the catch is he cannot be killed if he is with somebody. so for him it's a very easy win. he'll just be with his family the whole time. then the 30 days goes up, he gets a million dollars. he tells his family. they don't believe him because he is going through a lonely phase. so they say, this is a weird excuse to hang out with you all the time and we're not doing it. and now he is in a situation where he has to find a way to survive. so he hires, who he hangs out, he finds a love interest played by anna kendrick. and then the movie happens. >> jimmy: congratulations. very impressive. you put all this together. or maybe your impersonator did. somebody put this together. >> fake jake did a wonderful job. he and i are doing the weirdest racket, man. he is backstage controlling me, telling me what to do. >> jimmy: the movie is called "self reliance." it premieres friday on hulu. jake johnson, the real one. we'll be back with annie bosko.

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>> jimmy: thanks to kaley cuoco and jake johnson. apologies to matt damon. we are going to try very hard to get him on this year. i know it's been a while, but we're going to do our best. "nightline" is next. but first, here with the song "neon baby," annie bosko! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ baby what you say we say so long and leave right after this song ♪ ♪ i've been dancin' round with you and all i wanna do is dance you back home ♪ ♪ two-step me through the kitchen to the bedroom with

nothin on ♪ ♪ but the candle on the mantle and some vinyl playing haggard and jones ♪ ♪ i'll be your neon baby i'll drive you midnight crazy ♪ ♪ i'll hit your lips like whiskey when you lean in to kiss me ♪ ♪ put that whiskey down and kiss me again and again ♪ ♪ turn me on i'll be your neon baby ♪ ♪ hey cowboy give me that cowboy hat and watch this cowgirl light up the room ♪ ♪ no nothin' gets me buzzin' like lovin' on you ♪ ♪ i'll be your neon baby i'll drive you midnight crazy ♪ ♪ i'll hit your lips like whiskey when you lean in to kiss me ♪

♪ put that whiskey down and kiss me again and again ♪ ♪ turn me on i'll be your neon baby ooh ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ let's pour up another one cuz we ain't done until the sun comes up ♪ ♪ and when it goes back down again ahh i'll be ♪ ♪ your neon baby i'll drive you midnight crazy ♪

♪ i'll hit your lips like whiskey when you lean in to kiss me ♪ ♪ put that whiskey down and kiss me again and again ♪ ♪ turn me on i'll be your neon baby ♪ ♪ yah turn me on i'll be your neon baby yah turn me on i'll be your neon baby ♪ [ cheering and applause ] >> thank you so much. thank you.

♪ this is "nightline." >> juju: tonight, what happened to jennifer dulos? nearly five years since the mother of five vanished, her body never found. >> where is she? >> juju: the prime suspect's girlfriend on trial. >> the start of the trial is really the first opportunity for jennifer's family to get some answers. >> juju: what did she know? the never-before-seen video. >> there was what appeared to be red blood