on jimmy kimmel, michael keaton, >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- michael keaton. ramy youssef. and music from briston maroney. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you.

welcome. very nice. i'm jimmy, i am the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us. thank you for being here for it. i'm for it, you're here for it, we're all here for it both literally and figuratively. and i'm glad we're all here having fun, but there is a disaster looming a potentially earth-shattering event that could have a devastating impact on tens of millions of americans, especially young americans. and i'm not talking about climate change, or ai, or diarrhea on planes. [ laughter ] the house of representatives today, with an overwhelming majority, passed a bill that would ban tiktok in the united states unless the chinese company that owns tiktok agrees to sell it. only 50 democrats and 15 republicans voted no. 352 voted yes, which almost never happens anymore. who would have guessed that this would be the thing to bring both sides together? [ laughter ] republicans voted against their

own border bill because they were afraid it would make biden look good. they can't even get it together to stand up to vladmir putin. but, by god, they will stand up to charlie d'amelio and then some! [ laughter ] [ applause ] this is funny. they did -- just to give you an idea of the pull this app has, they did a poll and half the people who said they use tiktok said they do believe it poses a threat to national security, but they still use it and keep it on their phones. [ laughter ] i guess at this point, what the hell, right? half the country supports a national security threat for president, might as well dance. [ laughter ] i don't think we fully understand how crazy these kids are going to go if they kill tiktok. for teenagers today, losing tiktok is a bigger deal than losing your virginity. [ laughter ] i'm not kidding, either. this is like taking away all of their imaginary friends at once. [ laughter ] and you know what kids did before tiktok? drugs. [ laughter ] >> this is not an attempt to ban tiktok. it's an attempt to make tiktok better. tic-tac-toe. a win.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's how you explain it to the young people, to the tweens. [ laughter ] meanwhile, donald trump is now not in favor of forcing tiktok to sell even though when he was president, he tried to ban it by executive order. he was very anti-tiktok until last month when he got a personal visit from a billionaire donor who owns a lot of tiktok stock, and now all of a sudden, he likes it. [ laughter ] lines it a lot. total coincidence, i'm sure. house republicans are not with trump on this one. but marjorie taylor greene, of course, is. because she isn't getting enough attention on facebook. >> who is going to buy it? who will be the next to control the data of over 170 million americans? are we going to trust mark zuckerberg to control their data? i certainly don't. by the way, most of the time, my posts on facebook are shadow banned. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "and nobody puts any hearts on my instagram stories." [ laughter ] i have a feeling she gets shadowbanned from a lot of places.

shadowbanned is code for "all your high school classmates have you muted." [ laughter ] so now, the bill goes to the senate which means the fate of every tweenaged tiktoker is in the hands of a bunch of old white people with hotmail accounts. [ laughter ] this is a big deal. this is like iphone "footloose" and there's no kevin bacon to save us. [ laughter ] and there are plenty of adults who'll hate this too. i mean, without tiktok, what are people supposed to do at work? if they ban tiktok, how will we know if someone is skateboarding down the street, drinking cranberry juice and listening to fleetwood mac? we won't -- [ laughter ] tiktok has become a major issue, and a lot of people believe if we get rid of -- >> okay, everybody, we need to talk about this. [ laughter ] i don't know if you've seen this yet, but this jimmy kimmel segment is the cringeiest thing i've ever seen in my life. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you seeing this? what is happening? >> first of all, how does this guy still have a show? he's a total has-been. he hasn't hosted the oscars in like three days. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: excuse me? >> what, i'm trying to make a tiktok.

>> jimmy: how are you even doing this? >> did you hear that? this boomer doesn't even know how to make a tiktok. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: well, kind of true. >> the last thing our community needs is to hear the opinion of this out of touch nepo baby. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm not a nepo baby. >> oh, yeah? tell that to your father. >> jimmy: you know who my father is? >> and there it is. we just watched the deranged jimmy kimmel literally scream "do you even know who my father is?" [ laughter ] it's disgusting, it's pathetic, and frankly, it's dangerous. >> jimmy: i did not say -- get that off my screen. i don't want to be in a tiktok. >> too late, you're in one. but the saddest thing about all of this is that we all know the real jimmy kimmel died months ago. [ laughter ] and this body double isn't fooling anybody. >> jimmy: okay. what is that music? ♪ >> it's a generic creepy music track. every good conspiracy tiktok has one. >> jimmy: oh. >> now -- look at the bags under the eyes. the wrinkles on the forehead. the saggy chin. you think they would actually allow a guy who looks like this

on tv? no way abc is that desperate. >> jimmy: i've had a long week. i'm tired because of daylight saving. that's why i look like this. >> i agree with boner soup here. this is clearly a humiliation ritual to distract us from the fact that octopi from space are making our children bisexual. here's why that's a good thing. >> jimmy: hold on, that's it. i'm scrolling up. >> click in the link to my bio to get my supplements! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, maybe we should get rid of it. [ cheers and applause ] very powerful. last night, as you probably know, donald trump and joe biden officially clinched their party nominations which means we will have the first rematch for president since 1956 when it was laverne versus shirley. [ laughter ] one good thing in all this madness is that americans are fired up. maybe too fired up. in johnson county, kansas, the local republican party gave supporters an opportunity to violently attack a joe biden mannequin. which seems healthy and respectful. watch this. [ laughter ] let's hope that's how the

election ends, too. [ laughter ] meanwhile, robert f. kennedy jr., the anti-vax conspiracy theorist with a famous last name, says he will soon announce his running mate. he's running as a third-party candidate. "the new york times" is reporting that his finalists for vice president include include quarterback aaron rodgers and former governor of minnesota jesse "the body" ventura. he's also considering a pair of truck nutz dipped in ivermectin. [ laughter ] kennedy says he has been speaking with rodgers "pretty continuously" for the past month. that's some good decision-making right there. [ laughter ] aaron rodgers and jesse ventura are not running mates. they're who the bookers on "the masked singer" call when rob schneider says no, okay? [ laughter ] and aaron rodgers is still playing football, he's still playing for the jets. how many losing teams can he be a part of at once? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you don't have to answer that, just something to think about. two weeks away from the start of

donald trump's first of many criminal trials. this one for charges related to the stormy daniels hush money case. trump has gotten himself in a lot of trouble yammering about and during these trials. according to "rolling stone," his lawyers have been making "gentle internal pushes" to try to try to keep his mouth shut. yeah, that will work. [ laughter ] "gentle internal pushes" is also what his doctor recommends when he has too many cheeseburgers. [ laughter ] the only way to shut donald trump up is to put him in a room with just eric. okay? [ laughter ] donald trump's legal bills are adding up and the same is true for his mypillow pal, mike lindell. mike lindell, he was trying to sell pillows and slippers and robes. now he's just flat-out begging for cash. >> we have to have secure elections. we've got to get rid of these electronic voting machines. we need your help. go to thelindellplan.com. go there. donate, donate, donate. we need 100% of your money. 100%. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: that's right. don't even open your wallet, just put it in a box and send him the whole thing. [ laughter ] imagine sitting your kid down and saying, "i'm sorry you can't go to college, but the mypillow guy needs to get revenge on the machines and needed 100% of our money." [ laughter ] march, as you may know, is women's history month. you knew that, right, guillermo? >> guillermo: yes, of course, yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: women have contributed so much to the world, including me. a woman named joan contributed me to the world. [ laughter ] but i often wonder how much does the average guy know about women's history? so, we went out onto hollywood boulevard where all the smartest people line up -- [ laughter ] and we invited men passing by our studio to take a women's history mini-quiz. simple stuff, nothing too complicated. and this is how that went. >> it's women's history month. we want to know what women you know from history. we're going to show you pictures, you tell us if you know this person's name. who's that? >> that is -- i don't know this one. oh, she did "rockets."

i don't know. still don't know. i don't know. that i don't know. is that a biden? kim kardashian. kylie jenner. kendall jenner. oh, no. this is mia khalifa. uh -- it's on the tip of my tongue -- >> what do you know her from? >> porn. [ laughter ] she's like an og, i don't know. riley reid? >> who is this woman? >> rosa parks. lily gladstone. diane rorer. melissa joan hart. kathy -- williams? >> what does she do? >> she's the vice president? of california?

teresa giudice. nene leeks. lisa vanderpump, i love her. >> who is this woman? >> no clue. no. can't say. pass. don't know. i don't know. don't know. nope. not sure. marge simpson. lois. chun-li. >> don't know. sandra day o'connor. michelle obama. no. don't know. george washington carver. kim kardashian. stormy daniels. lara croft. >> that's the chick that flew the first plane. i don't know her name, but -- it's not earnhardt but it's something hart. amelia earhart! why can't i think of this? i've tooken history before. >> which history classes have you tooken?

>> susan parks. sarah palin. she's an astronaut. sally fields? maria shriver? gloria allred? abdul? oh, come on, that's vice president. >> what's her name? >> condoleezza rice? stormy daniels. mia khalifa. riley reid. jenna jameson. happy women's history month, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i can't believe robert kennedy is considering that guy for vice president! [ laughter ] it's amazing. hey, we have a very good show for you tonight. ramy youssef is here. [ cheers and applause ] we've got music from briston maroney, and we'll be back with the one and only michael keaton!

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back to the show. tonight, an exceptionally funny man. his new stand up comedy special is called "ramy youssef: more feelings." ramy youssef is with us. then later, from knoxville, tennessee, his album is called "ultra pure." music from briston maroney. [ cheers and applause ] you can see briston live tomorrow and friday night at the fonda theater here in los angeles. tomorrow night, the one and only oprah winfrey will join us. that's right. if you have anyone in your family who is ill, bring them here and they will be healed in her presence. [ laughter ] we also have music from chromeo so join us for that. our first guest tonight is a caped-crusading, night-shifting,

beetlejuicing man mom with a new movie he directed himself starring himself and al pacino. "knox goes away" opens in theaters friday. please welcome michael keaton. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. i almost did this, which i never do. i don't understand. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know, ed mcmahon used to do that. >> is that true? >> jimmy: ed would always do that to johnny. that was the big move. >> ed was a buddhist, i don't know if you knew that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you know ed at all? imagine him being a buddhist. >> i must have met him, because i did carson -- he had about two more weeks left before he was retiring. maybe -- maybe more. maybe a month. i got a chance to do it. >> jimmy: oh, wow, you got in right there under the wire.

that's something else. was it something, you realized he was retiring, i better do this? >> oh, man, absolutely. >> jimmy: you didn't really chat with ed, did you? >> not much. we talked about buddhism. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ed was my cohost for a week here at the show. >> is that true? >> jimmy: i got to know ed pretty well. it was pretty great. >> i bet. >> jimmy: sometimes i feel like i'm at talk show fantasy camp. like tonight in a way, having you here on the show. having ed mcmahon sitting next to me, it's like i was in a sketch. >> that must have felt weird too. >> jimmy: very strange. >> yeah, but kind of cool. >> jimmy: i think he accidentally called me johnny a couple of times. [ laughter ] which was super great. >> he'd probably had a couple. >> jimmy: more than a couple, maybe. >> think of that, think of those guys. think of the stories. think of the things he knew. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> oh, man. great behind the scenes. >> jimmy: there's a story about ed mcmahon, i don't know if it's true but i heard from it a good source. he and johnny went on a trip. they got in some prop plane. they went to florida to golf or something like that.

>> already i like this. >> jimmy: they had a rough night, right? >> right. >> jimmy: so at the end of the night, ed was incapacitated. and in the morning, ed was still incapacitated. and they could not get him up to get him to the private airfield to put him on the plane. >> first of all -- that image alone. [ laughter ] trying to get ed out of bed. >> jimmy: yeah. it's great, right? >> right, right. >> jimmy: so johnny and the other guys somehow take not only ed but the whole mattress and load the mattress with ed on it -- [ laughter ] onto the back of this plane. >> do you think that's true? >> jimmy: i do. i do think it's true. >> fantastic. like one of those stories you go, i hope this is true, i hope this story is true. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's great. >> jimmy: we might as well just believe it's true. >> yeah. >> jimmy: who's going to argue? >> i believe a lot of things. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you believe weird stuff? >> yeah. no -- yeah. i'm not a -- not a conspiracy -- >> jimmy: you're very levelheaded. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i have to say, looking at you the other night at the oscars. >> yeah. >> jimmy: watching you in the

audience. arnold schwarzenegger, danny devito say they spotted batman. i think we have a clip of this here. they spot batman. [ laughter ] that's a menacing look. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: you're a very friendly person, and yet -- >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's a special -- >> yeah, yeah. > jimmy: there's a little bit of a glint of evil in your eyes even, maybe. >> yeah. "you's know what? you'll be back when i tell you to come back." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you have to -- you have to take a look at the face. whenever that happens you just kind of -- [ laughter ] you just drop into that face. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> danny's the one i'd worry about because he's sneaky. >> jimmy: is he? >> yeah, creep up behind you. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and height advantage. you know. you don't know where he is. [ laughter ] he's always sneaking around.

the other guy i just put away. he's too slow. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: schwarzenegger? yeah, you'd kill him, it wouldn't even -- >> yeah, yeah. that was very funny. that was really fun to do. that's when show business is really fun, you know? i don't know -- i actually still don't know if that was you -- here's what happened. you come and you rehearse for the show. because it's got to be tight. are you sick of being complimented, by the way? >> jimmy: oh, no. [ laughter ] >> good. so great. man, really great. really great. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you -- >> bad news is you're going to have do it for six more years. >> jimmy: i don't know about that. >> am i right about this? rehearsing, on my way home, i get a text from you or molly. >> jimmy: yeah, i was with my wife. >> molly, one of the producers of the show. >> jimmy: yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> and they give me this idea. and i kind of know what the idea is. and i go, when is it? because i actually, frankly, wanted to go have some dinner.

you know. and so i thought, oh, this could be kind of funny. let's see how it goes. when i was in the back in the green room, we're talking. you know, we -- yakking away. i'm talking to this kid. great kid. "let's go, we've got to go." i'm looking at him. go where? "you're on now." "you mean the thing in the audience?" "yeah." so you run down. you're passing -- "hey, ryan gosling." all these famous people. i love that panic. it might not work, it might work. and they say, "where is he going to sit?" this poor kid is sweating bullets. it just works perfectly. now, the great thing, if i don't mind saying myself -- i brought along an ascot. >> jimmy: you did bring an ascot? >> yeah, yeah, wardrobe change. >> jimmy: yeah, right, yeah. >> because i thought, if i'm going to do this, i'm going to bruce wayne it up a little bit. >> jimmy: right. >> people saw me onstage --

>> jimmy: nice little touch. >> nice touch, wasn't it? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how many ascots do you own? >> how many -- >> jimmy: how many ascots do you have? i want to know. [ laughter ] >> upwards of 2,000. >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: the world's largest collection of ascots. >> i do. come over sometime. they just hang, neatly folded. >> jimmy: you know who knows how to wear an ascot? al pacino. >> oh, man. >> jimmy: al pacino is in the movie with you. >> yes, he is. >> jimmy: you directed al pacino. >> yes, he is. >> jimmy: that's just jumping right into it. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what is it -- do you feel comfortable telling him what to do? >> oh, yeah. i feel comfortable telling everyone what to do. [ laughter ] no, you know -- it was such a great -- you know, i had known him a little. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> not a lot. and we kind of went back and forth on who was going to play this particular part. i did it with everyone.

this is a tremendous cast, by the way. so -- i get on the phone with him. you know. we had known each other. i talked to him. i will tell you this. we just started talking about -- i mean, i joke about the ascot thing. but actors get a little -- whatever. i don't know how to think any other way. i didn't think, "oh, i'll send him the ascot." no, bruce wayne has to sit in the audience. he thinks like that in spades, right? so we get on the phone. "al, what do you think?" he says, "well, michael, i want to do it but i'm not sure." we're talking about it. we go into detail. we have this conversation. i thought it was going to be about 15 minutes. it was -- it never got about the character or the movie. it was never esoteric. it was never too cerebral. it was never too actor-y. it lasted about an hour. it was the single greatest conversation i've ever had about acting in my life. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. when i hear myself talk about it, i bore myself to tears. >> jimmy: uh-huh?

>> i actually find it interesting to listen to others. but for me, i just -- i don't want to talk about it. i don't really know. it was so great. i got so excited about it. he's just the best. it's such a dream. the whole cast, i've got to say, not just al, everybody was great. >> jimmy: there's only one al. there's only one michael keaton. when we come back, we'll see a clip of "knox goes away." we'll be right back. (vo) welcome to lobsterfest. is your party ready? ready to tango with tails on tails on tails? try lobster lover's dream

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hey. nice to meet you. (♪) you're so amazing. (♪) you need to get a grip. >> i don't know how to do this. i'm not like you, you know? i'm not a killer.

>> you are, though. >> what? >> a killer. damn good one, too. not half-assed. i was out at the scene. let me put it to you this way. that wasn't what you call a first-time response. >> jimmy: that is michael keaton and james marsden. [ cheers and applause ] you play father and son there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's great, james marsden. >> he's so good. i keep saying, wait till people see james marsden. actually, they're not going to be surprised, people know. >> jimmy: he's great. >> this is a turn, man. >> jimmy: yeah. he -- the movie -- you'll explain it better than i do. >> probably not. >> jimmy: it's about a hitman. >> yeah. >> jimmy: who suffers a -- not even dementia. very rapid onset memory loss. >> yes, yeah. >> jimmy: and he has a plan. and that plan becomes more

confusing as the disease progresses? >> that's excellent, actually, yeah. yeah, i'm afflicted with a form of dementia, right? and i see that i have x amount of time. it progresses rapidly. so there's a ticking clock and all that. and this guy shows up in my house one night. i have no idea who this person is. and it's my estranged son, james. and then it takes off from there. so he presents me with kind of a problem. which i hope, you know, billy or sean never present us with, our children. [ laughter ] so -- it's a question of, can i pull this off before i'm totally gone? >> jimmy: yeah. >> which in the title, "knox goes away," before i go away. >> jimmy: it's a weird mixture of -- >> there's even some laughs. >> jimmy: thrilling, and there's some laughs, but also some sadness there, too. >> yeah. >> jimmy: like when he opens the door and there's his son and he

just doesn't know who he is. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you've gotten very good reviews for the film also. document if i read them? "michael keaton directs himself into one of the most memorable performances as a contract killer with dementia. sometimes actors make good filmmakers. in "knox goes away," michael keaton was a total filmmaker." that was "variety." >> all right, all right, all right. >> jimmy: he looks from certain angles a bit more wizened than he once did, yet he's still spry with a gleam of icepick authority. [ applause ] i think that's a very good description of you. >> yeah. we've used that description. >> jimmy: i was reading about you today, some of the interviews you've done about this movie. and you said that you create a backstory for your character. >> yeah. >> jimmy: which i find interesting, because i'm not an actor and i don't know about that stuff. so every character you do, you

have a backstory? >> yeah. not for beetlejuice. >> jimmy: that's exactly what i was going to ask you, is there a backstory for beetlejuice? >> interestingly -- the great thing about playing beetlejuice, that cliched thing. you never ask the question or make the statement, "my character wouldn't do that." he'd do anything. >> jimmy: right. >> which was so tremendous to play. however, in the second one, which dude, i'm telling you, it is so good. >> jimmy: oh, it is? oh, great, wow. >> it is so good. [ cheers and applause ] in the second one, i'm not going to tell you what it is, tim lays this idea on me. and admittedly i kind of went, "oh, okay, well -- i don't know, good luck with that." so there is a kind of backstory -- sorry i'm laughing because i've seen it. there is a kind of backstory which is kind of a surprise. >> jimmy: oh, okay, good. that's great. >> it might not be as good as, you know -- i mean, it's good. the first one was good.

it was apparently, for what's her name, boebert -- >> jimmy: lauren boebert, she helped you with some pre-promotion. [ laughter ] >> apparently she really enjoyed it. >> jimmy: not as much as the guy who showed up with her. >> yeah, he really liked it, yeah. >> jimmy: i remember the first movie you directed. i remember this. i remember it so well. it was david letterman's holiday film festival. >> yes. >> jimmy: he gave some of his favorite guests a certain amount of money. >> yeah. >> jimmy: to make a little movie. >> it was the greatest idea. >> jimmy: it was great. well, you know, we have a clip from the movie that you made. >> no you don't. >> jimmy: we do. i think it needs a little bit of setup. the movie was called "but i'm happy." it was -- you're playing yourself, basically. >> well, i'm playing a man -- i remember the setup. i used to make these friends laugh. this guy i used to call the pig. >> jimmy: i know which guy they called the pig also.

>> so he kind of -- i don't know what this is. but it kind of figured, you know -- the dough was always going to be around forever. it was good, he was spending it. [ laughter ] he was going to be good with it to his dying day. he was kind of obnoxious. and everything dries up on him. that's the setup. >> jimmy: you playing the actor, and things dry up. >> yes. >> what'd you call me down here for? to count my money or count my women? ha ha ha! >> ha ha. listen, mike. i have some bad news for you. you have no money. and for the first time since i can remember, i'm telling the absolute truth. >> yeah, right. that's why i have a mansion, right? >> when was the last time you were home? >> i don't remember. >> do you remember your address? >> i don't know, 13 something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's great. wow, look at that.

my, how far you've come. the movie is called "knox goes away." it opens in theaters friday. michael keaton, everybody. we'll be right back with ramy michael keaton, everybody. we'll be right back with ramy youssef! if your moderate to severe crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms are stopping you in your tracks... choose stelara® from the start... and move toward relief after the first dose... with injections every two months. stelara® may increase your risk of infections, some serious, and cancer. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, sores, new skin growths, have had cancer, or if you need a vaccine. pres, a rare, potentially fatal brain condition, may be possible. some serious allergic reactions and lung inflammation can occur. feel unstoppable. ask your doctor how lasting remission can start with stelara®. janssen can help you explore cost support options. people who come to cricket stay with cricket.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, welcome back. music from briston maroney is on the way. our next guest is an actor, writer, director, and comedian. his new standup comedy special, "ramy youssef: more feelings" premieres march 23rd on hbo and max. please welcome, ramy youssef. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, ramy. you were at the oscars too? >> did anyone tell you that you

did a good job? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a lot of people, thank you. >> you did a good -- it looked like you were having fun. >> jimmy: you know what, sometimes i do have fun. not often but occasionally it sneaks in. >> i think this might be the first time i've ever seen jimmy happy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, maybe. i got a real kick out of what you said at the oscars after you presented the live action short. which is really funny. >> i was very excited to present. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> wes anderson wasn't there. >> jimmy: right. >> somehow he won short film. i said, wow. yeah, we knew he could make long films, but this is a feat. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think you said, "we knew he could make long." >> "we knew he could make long, but wow. but wow." >> jimmy: it really made me laugh. >> really challenging the art form, yeah. >> jimmy: when somebody doesn't show up and you accept the oscar on their behalf, do you get to keep the oscar? or do you have to send that to them? >> they didn't even let me touch it. [ laughter ] i was not allowed anywhere near it. they gave it to issa. it was clear i was not going to

be allowed -- >> jimmy: did issa take and it carry it around to the parties? >> i think she has it too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: was "poor things" your first movie? >> it was, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. it was my first big role. i think i'd been cast a couple of times. i never had a name. i was always "guy in bar." i was "guy in bar" once, "guy in kitchen" once, one time i was "guy." [ laughter ] i was cut out of two of them. one of them you can kind of see me in the corner. >> jimmy: wow. >> this is one where i got to be in the film. >> jimmy: i was so happy when i saw you in the movie, i really was. "hey, ramy!" [ laughter ] we barely know each other, but i was happy to see you. the director must have watched your show, this guy's a really good actor, right? >> he watched the show, saw my stand-up. asked me to do a british accent. it was really fun. >> jimmy: at the time he asked you to do a british accent, could you do a british accent?

>> no, i had to go to british accent school. >> jimmy: there is a school? >> it's like a guy named neil. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, and so -- just like hang out with neil for two months. >> jimmy: you and neil hang out. >> then you're british. >> jimmy: and you guys got so many awards. you got a whole bunch. 11 oscar nominations. you won a whole bunch of different -- really like being a rookie baseball player and going to the world series your first season. >> yeah, and i've not -- i'm in shock. because i'm used to -- i've done my show, which people who like it really like it. >> jimmy: right. >> and then -- [ cheers and applause ] thanks, that's very kind. that's very kind. >> jimmy: it is a great show. >> then i think a lot of people are just, "oh, yeah, i think i saw a billboard by l.a.x., i don't know what it is." to be in a room where everyone's seen the movie, it's a totally different experience. >> jimmy: did you go to the parties after the oscars? >> yeah. >> jimmy: which parties did you go to?

>> the "vanity fair" party, everyone goes to it. >> jimmy: uh-huh, right? >> it was really cool. you see scorsese. >> jimmy: did you talk to him at all? >> yeah. >> jimmy: did he know you from "poor things"? >> yeah, which was cool. when i won the globe, i remember going up on stage and looking out. and i saw scorsese. and i was like, i don't think this guy knows me. i open up my speech, "i know none of you know who i am." and then five years later, to be with scorsese, and we're talking, and he's seen the film, it was really cool. because he's my favorite. [ cheers and applause ] it's amazing. >> jimmy: he's your favorite? >> he's my favorite. and -- and then i like -- so i see him. and i look over and i see the lakers, which was -- >> jimmy: the lakers? >> like the lakers. >> they're at the party? >> yeah. which -- okay. so i'm a big lebron fan, huge lebron fan. huge. [ cheers ] which is kind of why i was upset he was there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean you were upset? >> because they're not in the playoffs right now. >> jimmy: yeah.

>> and i need them focused. [ laughter ] like, i need you home. >> jimmy: did you share that with lebron? >> no, i didn't want to talk to him. i knew we'd have too much fun and he'd stay out later. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. have you ever talked to him? have you ever had a conversation with him? >> no. i sat courtside right next to him once. and they were losing. it didn't feel like a good time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're always around at the worst possible times. >> and he's, like, my hero. >> jimmy: right, yeah. wow. him and marty scorsese, yeah. quite a height difference between your heroes. [ laughter ] i know you're very close with your family. you talk about your family a lot. have they seen "poor things"? >> they have. yeah, and i kind of had to prep them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're from a very religious family. >> yeah, so i had to say, "hey, listen. i keep my clothes on." [ laughter ] "nobody else does, but i do." [ laughter ] then i kind of told them it was my idea to keep my clothes on, "i did it for you." [ laughter ] i told them, "he wanted me to be

naked, and i said no because of my parents, and he respected that." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they believed that? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and that helped dull it? did you watch the movie with them? >> yeah, i brought them to the premiere. but i put -- i put my buddy dave -- he's on my show, plays my buddy ahmed. i put him between me and my mom. >> jimmy: wise. >> as a buffer. i was like, i need her to absorb -- like just get his awkwardness in the middle of her. [ laughter ] it was good. >> jimmy: that's good, yeah. this i didn't -- boy, i didn't put this together. chris storer, who's the creator of the show "the bear," executive producer on "ramy" with you. not only did he direct some of your episodes, you directed one of his episodes of "the bear"? >> yeah, it was really fun. >> jimmy: and he directed your comedy special also? >> yeah, it was really, really fun. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i just learned this today. which episode of "the bear" did you direct? >> i directed the episode in the second season where we go to copenhagen.

>> jimmy: that's a good one. >> really, really -- >> jimmy: on the boat and everything. >> >> on the boat and we go to noma, which is one of the biggest fine dining experiences in the world. >> jimmy: i think they say it's the best restaurant in the world. >> they say it's the best restaurant in the world. they let me and lionel work there for a day. we got to work from the beginning of the day all the way through dinner service. we got to prep. we got to serve people food and make plates. and it's really kind of sad, actually. because it's a table that some people wait a year for. and i thought people would be truly devastated if they knew, after a year, that i made their food. [ laughter ] like, this food has been prepared by comedians. >> jimmy: do you cook? do you have food-making experience? >> very little. up until then, it was microwave. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they don't allow any microwaving there at noma? >> i think they have a secret microwave, i swear they do. [ laughter ] but i couldn't find it.

>> jimmy: but it came out good? no complaints in the kitchen? >> at a certain point, the chef said, "you should watch this part." we got phased out. >> jimmy: oh, you did. >> i think i was getting under -- like definitely under his skin. because i worked in food once before at panera bread. [ laughter ] and we'd be in the middle of something really intense and i'd say, "you know this reminds me of at panera." [ laughter and applause ] and nobody wanted to hear that. i mean, that was -- i kept saying it. and soon people would slowly distance themselves from me. [ laughter ] lionel was with me, lionel would be like, "he's about to talk about panera." i was doing it the whole -- >> jimmy: you know what, be proud of your roots. ramy youssef, everybody. his special is called "ramy youssef: more feelings." you can see it premiering march 23rd on hbo and max. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for being here, ramy. we'll be back with briston maroney!

ta-da! hulu on disney+ is now available. i think we just found our new home. your favorites, together like never before. this is a destination spot. for disney bundle subscribers, hulu on disney+ is here. >> jimmy: thanks to michael keaton and ramy youssef. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first his album is called "ultra pure." here with the song "body,"

briston maroney! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ sleepin' in parkin' lots and missin' all my friends a lot rememberin' what i forgot when ♪ ♪ i was a kid shake the dust and breakin' in definin' all my innocence ♪ ♪ and wonderin' aloud if i will do this again but it seems the ♪ ♪ closest that i'll ever be to free is when i let the world fall around me ♪ ♪ someday my body will be just a body and a big white light ♪

♪ before me lets me know these days will end but i got today and ♪ ♪ the only plan i've made are to love like i might never get to love ♪ ♪ someone again ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ taking lots of reckless drives to ease the ♪ ♪ edge of reckless minds i never thought that i would feel this close to ♪ ♪ myself laughing so i wouldn't cry and crying 'cause i don't know why ♪ ♪ but feelin' every feelin' always seems to help and it seems the closest ♪ ♪ that i come to free is when i let the world fall around me ♪

♪ ♪ someday my body will be just a body and a big white light before me lets me know these days will end but i got today and the only plan i've ♪ ♪ made is to love like i might never get to love someone again ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> byron: tonight, tupac shakur's hits like "california love" -- ♪ say what you say ♪ >> byron: live on. but who killed the rap legend has been an enduring mystery that's gripped the world. >> you can't get away with murder when you come to las vegas. >> byron: the abc news investigation inside the probe to nab the man police say is behind the killing, keiy