your time as always. right now on jimmy kimmel, kumail nanjiani. >> have a great night and a wonderful weekend. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- kumail nanjiani, congressman eric swalwell, and music from rex orange county. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> jimmy: hi, everybody. thank you, thank you. welcome, welcome. very nice. welcome. i am jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for spending your friday night with us. [ cheers and applause ] we are coming to you -- we are coming to you live-ish from our studio in hellishly hot hollywood, california. it was 105 degrees today. we are sweating our yoga balls off right now. [ laughter ] i don't even want to go out. i don't want to leave this building afterwards. and we have it easy compared to arizona. it has been over 100 degrees in phoenix for more than 100 days in a row. 103 days in a row. how many days over a hundred before you move out of the place? [ laughter ] how many for you, guillermo? >> guillermo: three. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: three days? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: donald trump is back in the hot seat. although he got a break today. the judge in the stormy daniels case in new york -- the one

where he was found guilty on 34 felony counts -- has decided to postpone his decision on sentencing until november 26th. the judge said it was too close to the election, and he wanted to remove "any suggestion that the court will have issued any decision or imposed sentence either to give an advantage to, or to create a disadvantage for, any political party and/or any candidate for office." but wait, i thought this was all supposed to be rigged against him? [ laughter ] but now we have to wait until after the election to find out if trump's going to jail or not. trump could become the first president who, on thanksgiving, has to have the turkey pardon him. [ laughter ] [ applause ] donnie dumdum appeared in another new york courtroom today appealing a civil suit that found him liable for "sexually abusing and defaming" the writer e. jean carroll. he has to pay $5 million for lying about the attack the first time, another $83 million for doing it again. and outside of court today, he seemed to be gunning for lawsuit number three.

>> she made up a story, fabricated 100%, that i attacked her at bergdorf goodman. it's very interesting. i don't think they were allowed to use this, either. her favorite show is "law and order." and there's a almost exact story as her story in "law and order" about being attacked in the dressing room of a department store. i don't know if they used the name of the store. but that's her favorite show, "law and order." she said that. >> jimmy: oh, my god! it was all right there on the peacock app! [ laughter ] ♪ da-dum ♪ trump has a lot of trouble keeping his mouth shut. he attacked not only the victim in the case, but also the witnesses, one of whom said trump assaulted her on a plane. >> she said i was making out with her. so think of the impracticality of this. i'm famous. i'm in a plane. people are coming into the plane. and i'm look at a woman, and i grab her, and i start kissing

her and making out with her. what are the chances of that happening? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. i mean, what are the chances of that happening? i don't know. what are the chances you described that very scenario to billy bush? >> i've got to use some tic-tacs just in case i start kissing her. i'm automatically attracted to beautiful -- i just start kissing them, it's like a magnet, kiss, kiss. i don't even wait. when you're a star, they let you do it. you can do anything. grab them by the [ bleep ]. do anything. >> jimmy: the one thing he wasn't lying about was that! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this lunatic, 34-time felon, paid out -- has to pay almost $100 million for lying about a sexual assault, and he's now challenging whether or not kamala harris worked at mcdonald's. team trump is demanding proof that kamala worked at the golden arches in alameda when she was a teenager.

you know what, if you're gonna claim you worked at mcdonald's, you have to answer to the burger king. [ laughter ] and he wants answers now. meanwhile, we still haven't seen his tax returns from the first time he ran in 2016. man, do those audits go slow! [ laughter ] i have to say, there aren't too many republicans who will dare speak out against trump, but the list is growing. former vice president dick cheney, one of the most conservative politicians ever, is planning to vote for a democrat, probably for the first time in his life, kamala harris. [ cheers and applause ] it's like -- i mean, this is no -- it's like when the emperor attacked luke skywalker and vader threw him down the shaft for it. [ laughter ] cheney said "there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our republic than donald trump." which is crazy because before trump, there'd never been an individual who was as grave a threat to our republic than dick cheney. [ laughter ] and while the right-wingers are eating each other right now, kamala harris is raising a ton of cash. the harris-walz campaign raised $361 million last month.

[ cheers and applause ] which is a giant amount of money. although i have to say, i feel bad for joe biden. once he dropped out, all of a sudden, everyone seemed to find a spare $500 laying around. [ laughter ] kamala's got the money, the momentum, and a secret weapon named tim walz, who was the first person to dub trump "weird." and now he's having a lot of fun watching trump spin out about it. here's tim walz after seeing trump on a fox news town hall. >> i did watch part of it last night. 11 times. 11 times, donald trump explained to us that he wasn't weird. [ laughter ] okay. >> jimmy: right, that's the most keyed-up tim walz has been since the labor day sale at lowe's. [ laughter ] >> it's weird to be obsessed with people's personal lives. it's weird to be obsessed with people's health care choices. it's weird to continue to talk

about sharks and batteries and boats and things like that. >> jimmy: no, don't forget windmills! you must not forget the windmills. [ laughter ] donald trump is so upset about being called weird, he's bringing it up even more than he brings up the late, great hannibal lecter. >> she actually called me weird. "he's weird." she called j.d. and i weird. he's not weird. that was the word of the day. weird, weird, weird. they're all going -- but we're not, we're guys, we're very solid people. just plain weird. you know who's plain weird? she's plain weird. she's a weird person. he's not weird, and i'm not weird. i happen to be a very solid rock. we're not weird. i think we're the opposite of weird. they're weird. you know what he said, j.d. and i are weird. i think we're extremely normal people. like you, exactly like -- he's weird. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: just like you, he's just like the people who support him, like this maga fan in north carolina who spent the morning cowering in terror beneath the shadow of a reporter dispatched for one of "fox & friends'" trademark interrupt-your-breakfast shows.

>> i have had people in line, in front of me at the grocery store, putting stuff back, and it breaks my heart. that's not the american way. >> things were different under donald trump? >> absolutely, yes. >> thank you so much. it's a pleasure to meet you. yes, ma'am. >> number one in my book. >> he's number one? hopefully i can be number two. >> wonderful. thank you. >> we're going to send it back to brian, steve, alexis. say, over to you. >> okay. >> "over to you, brian, steve --" >> thanks, i'll accept that toss. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. might be time to descale the coffee machine in that diner. [ laughter ] trump was asked yesterday what his plan is to bring down the cost of childcare so that americans who have preschoolers can go to work. j.d. vance, his running mate, suggested they stay with their grandparents. trump's answer was somehow even

worse. he went into some nonsensical jag about tariffs and that's going to pay for it, because this is not a subject he cares about. this is not something he's even thought about. people keep asking what his plans are for this or that. they don't understand, he has no plans. he don't -- his only plan is to try to stay out of jail and give money to the people who give him money. that's the plan from the beginning to the end. he wants to put elon musk in charge of american business. great idea! why not make colonel sanders the secretary of agriculture while you're at it too? [ laughter ] yesterday, trump said if he wins again, he'll create a "government efficiency commission" and put elon musk in charge of that commission. and why not? he did such a good job with whatever twitter is called now. [ laughter ] in just a matter of months, he was able to turn one of the most popular social media platforms in the world into a neo-nazi porno site with no advertisers. [ laughter ] even the people selling chinese boner pills don't trust elon musk. [ laughter ]

if trump becomes president again, he'll put the guy who ruined twitter in charge of efficiency, and put the vaccine conspiracy nut in charge of health and human services. he's one manic episode away from naming dr pepper our surgeon general. [ laughter ] the debate now is on tuesday night. mar-a-lardo warmed up for it with a feel good reach-around from fox news. a town hall, hosted by sean hannity, who briefly removed his lips from trump's greasy posterior to ask the crowd a question. >> i think it should be a question asked in every presidential election, and i'll ask the people here in harrisburg. are you better off than you were four years ago? okay. >> jimmy: i didn't know dementia was contagious. [ laughter ] i don't know about those people, but i do remember where we were four years ago when donald trump was running things, and i don't recall it being great. but maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm biased. maybe the covid clouded my brain. so let's fire up the old doc

brown delorean to see where we were back when, in "the wonderful world of four years ago." >> welcome, time traveler, to the wonderful world of four years ago. say good-bye to traffic jams. and hello to traffic parties. strike up the band. ♪ and talk about healthy living. everyone is eating clean. don't like cooking? no problem, there's an empty seat in every bistro. but why leave home? thanks to four years ago technology, you'll never have to go outside. isn't that right, national guard? >> get inside! >> get in your house now, let's go! >> hey, what's that sound? why, it's people celebrating the real hero, president donald j. trump. he's taking this new virus from china seriously. >> kung flu. >> and promises a speedy victory against the dreaded bug. >> it's going to disappear one day, it's like a miracle, it

will disappear. >> and that's that. on to the next phase, homicidal zookeepers. >> ow, son of a bitch! [ bleep ], damn you! >> breaking news, the u.s. again shattering records for coronavirus deaths. >> oh, hooey, time for plan "b." >> suppose you brought the light inside the body. >> plan "c." >> a lot of people think that goes away in april with heat. >> plan "d." >> hydroxychloroquine. >> plan "e." >> slow the testing down. >> plan "f." >> staying at home leads to death also. >> "g." >> the blue states have tremendous death rates. if you take the blue states out. >> plan "h." >> the disinfectant by injection inside or almost a cleaning. >> and if all else fails, there's always the power of prayer. what a wondrous time to be alive. but don't fret.

those glory days are just a vote away. it's your choice this november. because hindsight is 20/20. >> go inside now, get in the house! [ gunshots ] >> jimmy: wow, the time really zoomed by, didn't it? [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show for you tonight. congressman eric swalwell is with us. [ cheers and applause ] we have music from rex orange county. we'll be back with kumail county. we'll be back with kumail nanjiani, so stick around! to determine the best vehicles. and only one brand was named the “2024 best mainstream automotive brand”... subaru. with eight vehicles that are recommended models. outback. ascent. legacy. impreza. wrx. brz... and 2024 top picks crosstrek and forester... safe. reliable. trusted. loved.

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to fake how upwork can help your business. search talent all over the world with over 10,000 skills you may not have in house. more than 30% of the fortune 500 use upwork because this is how we work now. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back to the show. tonight, one of donald trump's least favorite congressmen from right here in california, eric swalwell is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, all the way from england, his fifth album came out today. it's called "the alexander technique." music from rex orange county. [ cheers and applause ] next week, we have a good week next week. we've got new shows with high-quality guests including jane fonda, dave bautista, keegan-michael key, donald trump castigator george conway, grace van patten, james adomian, who plays mike lindell here on

our show. joey king, and martin lawrence, with music from khalid, soul coughing, and good neighbours. so please join us, too. our first guest is a very talented man who joins an army of other very talented people, including steve martin and martin short. you can see season four of "only murders in the building" on hulu now. please welcome kumail nanjiani! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> wow. >> jimmy: very good to see you, and i must say, thank you. you filled in for me this summer. you guest hosted the show, and you did a great job. you really did a great job. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, thank you. thank you. thank you. i mean, it really was a dream come true, to be able to do this. >> jimmy: was it? >> yeah, i've wanted to -- you know, i've wanted to host late-night since i was a kid. so coming here to actually get to do it was -- was really

wonderful. >> jimmy: you know, a number of members of our staff have asked me if i would ask you if you will do it again next summer. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, of course. yeah. how much do you have left on your contract? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i got plenty of space for you, don't worry. >> yeah, you take a seven-month summer break. >> jimmy: something like that, yeah, yeah. >> yeah, i -- my favorite part was -- what i was most excited about was, you know, when you hold up the thing? >> jimmy: the holding up of the thing, yeah. >> you hold up the thing to show it. i was like, since i was a kid, i'd practice that because i'd see letterman do it. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, he was the best, no one held it up better. [ laughter ] >> he was so good. just doing that, oh, i'm getting a little emotional. i really had a great time. >> jimmy: it is funny, those tiny little dumb things. >> exactly. >> jimmy: one of the big secrets is, i have a little piece of tape that almost matches my desk but doesn't match the desk, and that's where i hold the things up, so that the camera is perfectly positioned.

>> these are all the tricks i learned. and, you know, there was -- i was -- paul scheer was one of the guests, and he had a bunch of pictures to show. and they were like, "that's too many, it's your first time hosting." i was like, "no. i want to hold up ten different pictures. i don't know if i'm going to get another shot at this, you know?" [ laughter ] it was great. >> jimmy: ten can be exhausting, really. >> i think i can do it. >> jimmy: how was the rest of your summer? what are you up to the rest of the summer? >> it was great. i also want to say, guillermo really helped me out. >> jimmy: did he? why don't you help me out! [ laughter ] >> guillermo: i try my best. i do help you, jimmy. >> jimmy: do you? >> guillermo: yeah, all the time. >> jimmy: in secret ways i'm unaware of? >> guillermo: i help you with the monologue. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. he's very helpful. how did he help you? >> i talked to you on the phone, and i was like, "give me some tips." and you said, "your biggest secret weapon is guillermo." >> jimmy: that's right. >> "if things get in a lull, go to guillermo, he's going to give you gold." and so i did. and he did. >> jimmy: why didn't you give me that tonight? >> guillermo: i save it for monday better.

[ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: we have monday night football, yeah. >> my summer was great. i actually got to go to paris and see the olympics. >> jimmy: oh, that is great. >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, that's terrific. wow. >> yeah. i really, really -- i love the olympics. i get into it every year. it feels like the whole world comes together, you know. feels celebratory that we got there. the first thing they said, "by the way, the river seine" where they have some of the events, "we can't do events there because it's got too much human feces in it." >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i -- i know that because that's what they told us. they should have made something up. they were like -- "we tested and it's full of [ bleep ]." [ laughter ] "and we actually tested what kind of animal, it came back human." [ laughter ] and then a couple days later they were like, "oh, it's fine now, you can go." what changed? did they wipe the seine? >> jimmy: no, no, that

definitely seemed suspicious. >> yeah. they put bidets in it? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you didn't do your own testing yourself? >> no, i stayed away from there. because then they said it's okay to swim in it, then people swam in it. one of the olympians got e. coli from it. they're like, all right, you've got to go home, see you in four years. [ laughter ] there was still human [ bleep ] in it. i don't know how there was so much human feces in it. >> jimmy: it's a great question. >> french food is very heavy, you know. >> jimmy: uh-huh? [ laughter ] do you think they really can tell whether it's human? because there are a lot of dogs in paris. >> yeah, but -- >> jimmy: you see them all over the place. >> you've walked around l.a., you can tell the difference. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that is true. >> there was one time my wife emily and i -- this is so gross, sorry, warning. i wasn't going to talk about this. this is not on there. my wife and i were walking, and

she stepped in a bunch of human feces. and it was -- and she said it felt like stepping into a loaf of bread. [ laughter and moans ] >> jimmy: oh, man. oh, man. >> anyway. we saw -- yeah. >> jimmy: what events did you go to? >> we went to diving, which i love. because the commentators are so harsh. they're like, "oh, he splashed, he's a disgrace to his nation." [ laughter ] yeah, it's water, he's jumping into it. that's what water does. it splashes. i got very into archery, jimmy. >> jimmy: did you really? >> because i think archery is the hardest sport in the olympics. for many reasons. one, there are no archery events in between the olympics. [ laughter ] so they just go back to their job at costco in between. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's how they get the rotisserie chickens with the -- yeah. >> yeah, they send them out. "go get us some rotisserie." >> jimmy: i think of archery as the easiest one.

i don't know. >> you do? >> jimmy: i don't think of it as easy, they're not easy. i know when i think about, is there a sport that i could get into the olympics, and i know there aren't any. but archery seems like it's definitely in the 10% that i'd try. >> well, i'll tell you, i'm just going to change your mind. >> jimmy: okay. >> so when they're there -- did you watch much archery this year? >> jimmy: a little bit. >> they pull that thing back. they put the string into their face. >> jimmy: right. >> they really do, all of them. i don't know why. when they're at the podium, they all have a line on their face. [ laughter ] so strange. and i think you just saw one of them doing it and they were like, we've got to do that, it's the olympics, got to take it seriously. but they tell you when they're doing it, they tell you what their heartbeat is. so on the lower right corner, they're tracking the heartbeat. and it's really like -- it's like 100 beats a minute because they're like, i'm in the olympics right now, i should be good. and it's because -- the commentator said they have to

release the arrow in between the heartbeats. otherwise, it's going to be off. so what they're doing when they're there is 100 beats a minute, that's more than one a second. it's going da da da da da da da. they have to release it, they're getting the rhythm of their own heart to release it right on. you release on a beat, you lose. gold medal, disgrace to your nation, da da da da da da da. world record, your wife left you because you wasted your life playing with bows and arrows. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then you have that for the rest of your life. people are like, "how were your olympics?" "i released on a beat." [ laughter ] "the toilet paper is around the corner." >> jimmy: kumail nanjiani is here. the show is "only murders in the building." we'll be right back. why choose a mobile network built for places you'll probably never be... ...instead of for where you are most of the time?

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ho ho ho, here we go. two protein eggnogs, yummy. it's my personal recipe. patent pending. actually, i'm something of a mogul myself. >> mm. mm, that's thick. >> oh, thank you. the secret, more egg than nog. and ground deer hoof. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is kumail nanjiani and "only murders in the building" with selena gomez, of course, eva longoria, of course you're working with steve martin and martin short. two of the -- are these guys heroes to you? >> yeah, man. i mean, it's steve martin and martin short, i can't believe it.

you know, i was -- i met -- i'm going to call them steve and marty. >> jimmy: yeah, go ahead, why not? >> so -- i had met marty once before very briefly, he was very nice. but i was very nervous to work with them because i grew up watching their movies. all right, got to play it cool, don't do anything. day two, "so when you guys were making three amigos." [ laughter ] they'll talk about it, they'll tell you stories. >> jimmy: i watched that with my kids two weeks ago. >> "three amigos," so funny. >> jimmy: did you feel like the third amigo? >> no, man. i think that's selena gomez. >> jimmy: she is the third amigo now. >> their vibe was so good. i mean, you know. i saw -- i saw -- i saw martin short call steve martin a white-haired [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] i'm going, oh, i'm really living the dream right now. >> jimmy: you play the fellow tenant on the show. >> yeah. >> jimmy: the christmas all the time guy.

>> yeah, i -- it's the guy who's really obsessed with christmas, which is good for -- i love christmas very, very much. and so for me, it was not hard. because, you know, i was, like, 20 when i moved here. i never had christmas. suddenly at 20 you have christmas for the first time. it's awesome. >> jimmy: you appreciated christmas? >> i still love christmas. >> jimmy: you do. you go crazy? when do you start setting up the decorations? >> for me, i start early december. we deck the whole house. >> jimmy: reasonable. >> yeah, reasonable, yeah. >> jimmy: does it stay up? how long? >> yeah, but that's laziness. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's just laziness, yeah. i can't think of a roommate i'd less rather have than the christmas all the time person. i like christmas, but i like it to be contained within december. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: i don't like hearing christmas music the rest of the year. >> it feels a little like -- especially here, even in december when you're going around driving and it's, like, super hot out, and it's, like -- ♪ beginning to look a lot like christmas ♪ you're like, it's really not.

[ laughter ] it kind of sounds like you're spiraling. it's like the middle of july, listening to christmas songs, like, i think this might be my last week on earth. or go out feeling like it's christmas. but for me -- i feel like, you know -- i -- i understand -- i was the bad roommate. it took me awhile to realize, in my 20s, i was living with roommates. i guess i have a roommate now. i'm just married to her. >> jimmy: right, right, yeah, yeah. how many roommates did you have? >> the most i had was three. there were four of us. i was so bad. one time we were moving. this was in chicago. i had a show that night. and i just was like, "guys, could you move my stuff for me? i got an open mic i got to hit up." then they call. they called me at the show. "hey, none of your stuff is packed up." and i was like, "yeah, i thought you guys were going to do that." [ laughter ] i made them pack up my stuff and move me.

emily and i, when we first started dating, my friends and i were having a potluck, everybody had to bring something, they told people what to get. to me, "you should bring the napkins." emily's like, "oh, i'm dating the napkins guy." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> she still calls me the napkins guy. if i don't bring my stuff, the party still happens, you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but it's messier. you are on a stand-up comedy tour right now? >> yes, i'm back to doing stand-up. i didn't do it for years and years. >> jimmy: this question, is it called doing this again? or is it called doing this again? i think the emphasis is very important. are you doing this again? or are you doing this again? >> doing this again feels like i got defeated, now i'm doing this again. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. >> so i guess that's the one. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: why now? why are you -- because you -- your career is at its height. i mean -- >> god, i hope not. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: all of this stuff -- it doesn't mean you're going to come down from it, but you're doing so much stuff. >> thank you. >> jimmy: why are you now going around the country doing this? >> i felt like my life was too easy. [ laughter ] i needed a challenge. i -- you know, i -- i started doing it in the actors strike last year because i was getting frustrated not being able to do anything. let's see, haven't done this in seven or eight years, do i still like this? i went back up onstage, i sort of fell in love with it again. it felt like how i felt when i first started doing stand-up comedy. >> jimmy: where did you first start doing stand-up comedy? >> i went to a small college, grinnell college in grinnell, iowa. my first show was just at a coffee shop on campus. it was packed with all my friends. and i was like, i'm going to do this show. it used to happen once a semester. i wrote material for a long time for it. then on the day i got really nervous and went to a chinese buffet and ate too many of those yellow almond cookies, you know? unnatural color. i got on stage not feeling

great. but i honestly, to this day, best set i've ever had. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. i got off stage, i remember thinking, i could do letterman next week. [ laughter ] took ten years. but i -- yeah, i and remember one of my -- i remember the first joke i ever did. >> jimmy: what was the first joke? >> the first joke i ever did was about how i wanted to be -- i was like a, you know, science major. i was like, i want to be so successful that i want to have a unit of measurement named after myself. like, because all the cool scientists have them. joules, newton, mr. kilometer. that's the first laugh. you didn't come to america, though. second laugh. then i'd say, i want something cool, you know, like turn the torpedos up to five nanjianis! [ laughter ] five nanjianis, that's way too much power! [ laughter ] most people can't handle one nanjiani! a smile. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: and here you are. five nanjianis later. it's great to have you here. new episodes of "only murders in the building" tuesdays on hulu. and "doing this again" tour, standup tour, tickets available at linktree/kumailnanjiani. good luck spelling it. [ laughter ] we'll be right back with congressman eric swalwell! my moderate to severe plaque psoriasis held me back... now with skyrizi, i'm all in with clearer skin. ♪ things are getting clearer ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, welcome back. music from rex orange county is on the way. our next guest is a member of congress who is doing everything he can to make c-span exciting. >> have you all lost your minds? donald trump opposes it because donald trump wants to be president because donald trump has 91 felony counts he's facing, and the only way it goes away and he is not held accountable is if he's president. you all, i don't know what it feels like to have to be so helpless to follow donald trump, follow donald trump. it's fine, i get it. you must see yourselves as so very tiny and so very small, when you look at donald trump and he's so big that he looms so large over you, that you would do anything he says to support him. >> jimmy: from our 14th district here in california, please welcome eric swalwell.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's like a comedy central roast you have going there. >> yeah, they're not serious. >> jimmy: on like just a human level, when you eviscerate your fellow members of congress like that, what is it like afterwards? like, are you guys in the cafeteria together? what kind of conversations do you have after that? >> there's a gym. like a congressional gym. >> jimmy: heard about that. >> you have jim jordan, sometimes he's on the elliptical next to my treadmill. the first couple of times i thought, this is going to be really awkward. you go in there, "hey, swalwell, how you doing, man?" i'll see matt gaetz out in d.c. at a restaurant, "hey, buddy, how's it going?" ted cruz during the impeachment. the second impeachment, i should clarify.

[ laughter ] we're on a break, we're in the bathroom. i'm washing my hands, he washes his. >> jimmy: he washes his hands? [ laughter ] >> the cleanest they've ever been. and he looks at me, "hey, man, we've never met, i'm ted." he puts his fist out. and i was like, "hey, ted." i gave him a fist bump back. he could tell i was looking at him like he had three heads because the night before he was roasting me on fox news. he says to me, "you're doing a really good job out there." i'm like, what is this guy talking about? "no, really, you're doing a good job." it occurred to me, for these guys, they're just pro wrestlers. they don't even believe it. they just go out there in the ring in service of donald trump. they want to be famous, but that's not what they want to do. i think that's worse, because some of them, like when i see marjorie taylor greene, if she's at a restaurant, she wants to kill me. [ laughter ] i'm not engaging with that. >> jimmy: so she's sincere. >> yeah. >> jimmy: she's actually crazy? >> yeah. i think it's worse --

>> jimmy: good for her. [ laughter ] >> i think it's worse, though, if you know better and you're still -- >> jimmy: sure it is. of course it is. like marjorie taylor greene can't help being a dummy. [ laughter ] if you can help it and you are a dummy anyway, that's kind of despicable. >> pro wrestling was fun when i was a kid, but that's not why i went to washington. a 7-year-old, a 5-year-old, a 2-year-old -- >> jimmy: in the bathroom, is ted cruz eating the urinal cakes? [ laughter ] what's he up to? adam kinzinger was here. for those who don't know, he's a former republican congressman who's very outspoken against donald trump and has really been, i think, persecuted by a lot of -- even members of his family, et cetera, these people. i think he said something similar about, like, trump -- do you know -- does trump like that? is he like hulk hogan also back there? >> he's an entertainer. just an entertainer, yeah. >> jimmy: he's friendly to you when you see him? >> he told me i do a good job on tv.

>> jimmy: he did? >> that's all that matters to this guy. the consequences for everyone else, like women and their bodies, kids and their safety at school, seniors and their health care, to him, it's just me, me, me. and that comes first. so if he sees someone else on tv, again, when the cameras aren't on, hey, yeah, we're in the club. it's like, no, buddy, there's actually real consequences and stakes for what you're taking us all through. >> jimmy: that is just crazy. you're one of the few democrats who goes on fox news, really like you and pete buttigieg and gavin newsom, maybe a couple others. do they call you, "hey, we need a guy, somebody to fight with"? [ laughter ] >> i think i probably go on for different reasons than the other two. i go on so my parents can see me on tv. [ laughter and applause ] my mom and dad are republicans. my wife, britney, is from indiana. she was raised by republicans. she grew up with the pence family. and i actually think, you know, let's go make the best case to the people who need to hear it

the most. and we have to do that more. i also think democrats, sometimes we stand too much on virtue and modesty. and we think everything is a harvard law school moot court competition. but we just need to talk about this like it's a gut check to regular folks and not make this so complicated. just be real about what the stakes are. and you're going to see that on tuesday night with kamala harris. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm interested about your parents. now, i mean, they say a lot of nasty things about you on fox news. your parents, doesn't that upset them? make them go, i see what they're saying is not true, i shouldn't believe anything else they say? >> my mom told me recently that when she would hear tucker carlson or sean hannity go after me, she would change the channel. "i don't like that, honey, i think they went too far." so, yeah, thanks, mom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. wow, that's -- i mean, i have family members like that, but not my mom and dad. i think that would be devastating. what's the -- like what's thanksgiving like at your house?

>> the 2016 thanksgiving -- [ laughter ] there were a lot of hats. and my mom had to implement the following year a no-hat rule. >> jimmy: red hats? >> red hats. but they're not voting for trump this time. >> jimmy: i see. >> because they're regular republicans. they believed in small government, low taxes, that we'd be strong in the world. trump is the opposite of all of that. >> jimmy: right. >> they also look at my kids. i think they see an opportunity to just bury this guy and bury this movement. recently my son was with me at a parade, and we were passing out rubber duckies for st. patrick's day parade. he's going to every little kid, he's giving them a rubber ducky. this man was standing behind his little girl as my son nelson gives them the rubber ducky. the man says to my little boy, "we're for trump." and my son looks at me, and he looks back at the man, and he said, "who's trump?" [ laughter ] so i think we have an opportunity to "who's trump" this for the next generation on november 5. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: you've known kamala harris for a long time, right? >> yeah. she and i both got our start in the same prosecutor's office in oakland. we were a couple of years apart. we worked for the same boss, though. this boss, tom orloff, he described the prosecutor's office in alameda county, where earl warren was the d.a., like an aircraft carrier. you had the flight crew who were important, the lawyers who supported the fighter pilots. the fighter pilots were the ones who took out the hardest cases to do justice, and they were fearless. when i joined the office and was starting to hear about kamala harris in the attorney general's office, i asked colleagues, what kind of trial lawyer was she? and across the board, everyone said kamala was a fighter pilot, she took the hardest cases out. i think you're going to see that on tuesday night. she's serious. she doesn't take herself too seriously. but she's also fearless, and also, she knows how to have a little bit of fun. i think, jimmy, the team that has the most fun is the team that wins.

[ cheers and applause ] now, we can't -- on november 5, we don't count joy. we count votes. we've got work to do over the next 60 days. this is a tight race. but she's going to show that she cares about you and the future -- >> jimmy: you mean me personally? [ laughter ] >> she really cares about you. >> jimmy: that's really nice. >> she wanted me to pass it along. trump is me, me, me, grievance, grievance, grievance tuesday night, and i think she's going to show how insignificant he is and how important these issues are for all of us. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. eric swalwell, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] he's a congressman. thank you, eric. we'll be right back with rex orange county!

>> jimmy: thanks to kumail nanjiani and congressman eric swalwell. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, his brand new album is called "the alexander technique." here with the song "2008," rex orange county! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ i'm in the back mamma's driving round ♪ ♪ i've been learning my raps doing it for all these different reasons ♪ ♪ i love the way it feels ♪ ♪ and now i'm inside i'm listening to nas ♪ ♪ illmatic it's somantic i'm not a fanatic ♪ ♪ but i'll listen out of love lately i'm digging ♪ ♪ free your mind and treat it kindly ♪ ♪ 10-years-old i was unbothered ♪ ♪ spent my hours in the garden i was alright ♪ ♪ black album i been listening to jay-z every day ♪ ♪ pushing in my cd player listen like i'm insane ♪ ♪ it's the same each time i do it ohh ♪ ♪ ain't no skipping through skipping true i was in a new phase ♪

♪ t.i. just came with paper trail ♪ ♪ and we got the carter 3 from wayne ♪ ♪ 808's from ye this was a simpler time ♪ ♪ simple days 2008 now my life's moving too fast pace yeah ♪ ♪ so i'm taking it slow i've been moving much too fast ♪ ♪ i'ma free my mind and treat it kindly ♪ ♪ 10-years-old i was unbothered ♪ ♪ spent my hours in the garden i was alright ♪ ♪ but i never gave up my love i studied it all day long ♪ ♪ coulda been into sports but that's not where i belong ♪ ♪ it wasn't until right now looking back over nuance ♪ ♪ i was gonna be here

somehow ♪ ♪ do not wanna say i knew it ♪ ♪ but i did my young self proud yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ now i'm taking it slow ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] this is nightline. >> tonight, demi lovato. it's time to get the chains out. >> is your tongue tied up? >> the confident singer opening up about life behind the scenes as a child star. >> i don't feel like i had the full experience of a normal