tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 8, 2024 11:35pm-12:37am PDT
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>> jimmy: hi, i appreciate that. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us here at our home in hollywood where we and everyone are now exactly four weeks from election election day is a month away. here in california, early voting is already happening. this campaign has been going on since 1985 or something like that. [ laughter ] i feel like the candidates are running out of ways to ask for money. i got a fundraising email from kamala harris last night that just said "u up?" [ laughter ] the democrats seem to have momentum and all-capstain america is feeling the heat. this afternoon, who who will not be named -- i'll name him later -- [ laughter ] posted, "anybody that cheats on the election is going to jail." [ laughter ] i agree. for this one and the last one, too.
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[ cheers and applause ] i hope they silk screen that sentence on the back of his prison jumpsuit. [ laughter ] trump was not in a maga-nanimous mood today. there is another new tell-all book on the way from legendary journalist bob woodward. trump, as you may recall, hated woodward's previous three trump books. so much so, he sat for several extensive interviews for those books. [ laughter ] i think he may have finally learned his lesson with this one. his spokesperson said, "woodward is a total sleazebag who has lost it mentally, and he's slow, lethargic, incompetent, and overall a boring person with no personality." [ laughter ] with that said, we are crazy and everything he wrote is true. [ laughter ] there are some extra crispy mcnuggets in this one, including a few gems from one of trump's most loyal underlickers, senator lindsey graham -- [ laughter ] who said, "going to mar-a-lago is a little bit like going to north korea." [ laughter ] and admits that joe biden won the election fair and square but says trump, quote, doesn't like
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to hear that. [ laughter ] so by all means, entertain his dangerous delusions until we've burned america to the ground then, linsey. [ laughter ] the bigly scoop for woodward involves trump's kgbff. the book says trump has spoken to vladimir putin seven times since he left office. which is less than ivanka, but more than tiffany. [ laughter ] right in that daughter sweet spot. trump once made a senior aide leave the room so he could have a "private" call with putin. "hello donald. vat are you wearing? " [ laughter ] "i'm shirtless on my horse again." [ laughter ] and this is quite a detail. during the height of the pandemic. right around the time trump was trying to get americans to stop testing for covid because the high numbers were making him look bad, agent orange secretly sent his buddy vlad a shipment of hard-to-get covid testing machines for his personal use. you wouldn't want one of the most villainous murderers on the planet to get a cough, would you? [ laughter ] woodward reported that putin said, "please don't tell anybody
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you sent these to me." trump said, "i don't care. fine." and putin said, "i don't want you to tell anybody because people will get mad at you, not me. they don't care about me." [ laughter ] you know you aren't too bright when vladimir putin has to help you with pr. [ laughter ] could you imagine? i mean, nurses, doctors, american hospitals couldn't get these machines. he's sending them to the devil himself. and by the way, he didn't pay for that, we paid for that thing he sent. i don't want to say trump was his puppet, but whenever they were in a room together, you never saw more than one of putin's hands. [ laughter ] the book has some stories about our current president too. joe biden, in private, refers to trump as "that f-ing a-hole." [ laughter ] which tracks. of bibi netanyahu, biden said, "that son of a bitch, he's a bad guy, he's a bad effing guy." and referred to trump's covid buddy as "that effing putin."
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i don't know why biden only curses behind closed doors. you're on your way out, start doing press conferences like richard pryor live on the sunset strip. [ cheers and applause ] it's joe time at the apollo. have some fun already. [ laughter ] the book comes out on tuesday, but they released the cover art already. and you can see it was lovingly designed by a guy with a free 30-day trial to photoshop. [ laughter ] and then we have the other big trump book, melania's memoir, which came out today. it's called "melania." it's named after her. [ laughter ] proceeds from sales of the book are going to one of melania's favorite charities, body doubles for conjugal visits. [ laughter ] very good group. right now, the book is ranked number 17 on amazon, and despite the fact that it just came out, even has reviews. here's one of the reviews. j. love gives it five stars and says, "wonderful! this was the best book i've ever read." [ laughter ] which is a nice way of saying, "i've never read another book." [ laughter ] melania shares some of her very
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be best anecdotes. there's a passage about the time in 2019, her husband called her in to watch a classified military operation, even though she didn't have security clearance. only donald trump would call his wife in to watch a top-secret mission like it was a tiktok of a baby hippo or something. [ laughter ] melania claims she didn't condemn the violence on january 6th because she was busy going over white house renovations that day and didn't know what happened. and probably the most stunning revelation in the book is that trump once told her that don jr. was bred specifically for his organs. [ laughter ] isn't that something? i made that one up, that one was not true. [ laughter ] [ applause ] the fact that -- wow. the fact that you believed it really says something about either you or him, i'm not sure. [ laughter ] melana also went into detail about her favorite moment as first lady.
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>> people always asking me, what was your favorite memory as first lady? it was in 2020 when donald get the china virus, and he was airlifted to hospital like sick elephant. barron and i threw party on back lawn. we danced around giant bonfire and shot fire-cookers at mike pence. i had lincoln bedroom all to myself and about not sleep wink. too many smiling. sadly, the elephant make it. >> melania, humpy-humpy time! >> oh, elephant find me. when is he going to jail? >> jimmy: you know what, there's still a spark between them, that's very sweet. [ cheers and applause ] i will say that -- i was reading some of the reviews of the book, and they are not excellent. "vanity fair" says, "melania
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trump's new book is truly bad." but what these "reviewers" don't realize is that it's not just a book, it's also a fragrance. [ laughter ] smells like slovenian prenup ink. [ laughter ] all right, melania. you can take that home. meanwhile, a scary and powerful hurricane is barreling towards florida right now. hurricane milton is at category 5 out of 5, which is something even the experts, even the people who know everything there is to know about hurricanes have not heard of. >> i would like to tell you that there's a very violent hurricane that's coming down the line. and it's a category 5, which is something that i've never heard a category 5 actually coming onto land, but it looks like it's going to. >> jimmy: you never heard of a category 5 coming onto land? this is interesting, because i was under the impression that you had. >> i saw the devastating effects
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of that category 5 hurricane, category 5. never heard about category 5s before. it was a category 5. i never even knew a category 5 existed. category 5. nobody's ever heard of a 5 hitting land. usually by that time, it's dissipated. this was almost coming in at a 5. it was a 5 a little bit out, offshore. i don't know that we've ever seen that. category 5 is something that i don't know that i've ever even heard the term. >> jimmy: well, he did get his meteorologist degree from trump university. [ applause ] there was a category 5 hurricane in florida while trump was president. he was probably busy with kanye during that one. [ laughter ] trump did a fox news q&a with laura ingraham last night where he again showed that he is always, always, always wrong. >> that was a horrific storm. much worse -- late in the season, you wouldn't think a thing like that could happen. >> jimmy: yeah, no, it's not late in the season. hurricane season goes until the
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end of november. he said this about hurricane helene, too. the guy lives in florida, he doesn't know when hurricanes happen. [ laughter ] it doesn't matter when they happen. what matters is why they happen. and the answer to why is joe biden and kamala harris. only donald trump sees a natural disaster coming and goes, hm, who can i blame for this? even laura ingraham wasn't buying this load of crap. >> they don't have the people, they're not doing -- it's a bad -- it's a very bad thing. >> how would you do it differently? >> i'd have a tremendous team of people. they don't have any people. florida was hit very hard -- >> biden said the response has been robust and well-coord well-coordinated, mr. president. >> nobody says >> that's what president biden said. >> he should be there, she should be there -- >> she was there today for three hours, i believe, kamala harris. [ cheers and applause ] ro-busted, i guess. laura is in trouble. laura just lost her cabinet position as secretary of mcgriddles. [ laughter ]
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>> the response has been so bad to the hurricane, this response has been horrific -- >> didn't elon praise pete buttigieg, saying he cleared the way for helicopters to come in? he praised buttigieg. >> that was two days later. because what happened is he sent his great, you know, gadgets in. he has one of the most -- the starlinks. then they sent it in, and they wouldn't allow it to go in, took two days. boot-edge-edge, as you say, boot-edge-beej called, two days late, though. >> jimmy: yeah, when in doubt, mispronounce buttigieg, that's how you do it. [ laughter ] 78 years old, still sounding out his words. laugh have then we have captain jerk of starlink himself, elon musk, who yucked it up with tucker carlson. >> nobody's even bothering to try to kill ka maximum la, because it's pointless. what do you achieve? just buy another puppet. >> exactly. deep and true. >> nobody's trying to kill joe biden.
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pointless. >> totally. >> does it seem strange that no one's even bothered to try? >> jimmy: hilarious. just two sociopaths laughing it up about who's worthy of being assassinated or not. not weird at all. and likeable. so likable. [ laughter ] are we sure they're not a.i.? we keep hearing a.i. is going to kill us. it might be those two. [ laughter ] here in california, governor gavin newsom signed a bill that makes california the first state to ban froot loops in school cafeterias. froot loops, the cereal, contains additives and dyes that have been linked to hyperactivity and adhd. and all this -- >> stop spouting nonsense at once! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] cease and desist, mr, jimmy
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kimmel! >> jimmy: oh, it's toucan sam, everybody, wow, what a pleasure. [ cheers ] we were just talking about governor newsom banning froot loops in schools. >> governor nuisance should keep his beak out of other people's business. banning froot loops in schools? what's he going to ban next? knives? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think knives are already banned in schools, yeah. i think that's -- >> they are? >> jimmy: yeah. >> how will kids protect themselves against italians? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's very offensive, and i think you're very drunk. [ laughter ] >> how dare you! i'm not drunk! >> jimmy: okay, all right. [ laughter ] >> i am part of a healthy breakfast. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i help children start their day with fruits. >> jimmy: yeah, what fruits -- >> hally-yoo! >> jimmy: what fruits are in froot loops? >> well, there's orange.
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and there's red. [ laughter ] and purple. >> jimmy: yeah, red and purple aren't fruits. >> which is why we spell fruits with two os, you doughy douchebag. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, that's not very nice. you know, i love froot loops. so i'm not -- >> you do? >> jimmy: yeah, i do. >> why? why are they doing this to me? why are they doing this to us? >> jimmy: guillermo, could you pleasers court him out? >> don't bother, i'm flying south for the winter to venezuela. >> jimmy: oh, are you from venezu venezuela? >> no, no. that's where they don't have an extradition treaty. [ laughter ] let's say i followed my nose to 10 or 12 freak offs at diddy's house. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. guillermo, it's time -- >> take it from me, kids! [ cheers and applause ] don't film your freak offs! i'm a dirty bird! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show tonight.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. tonight, he as master of pasta and other italian delights. you can learn all about him on "chef's table: noodles." evan funke is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, a grammy award-winning country star. her album "hummingbird" is out now. carly pearce from the snapdragon stage. [ cheers and applause ] you can see carly live at the pearl theater in las vegas on friday. tomorrow night, quinta brunson and henry winkler will join us,
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with music from the offspring. on please join us for that, too. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is one of the all-time greats. to list his credits would be an insult to not only him but all of us. [ laughter ] you can see him now alongside jason segel in the very funny show "shrinking." season two premieres next wednesday on apple tv plus. please welcome harrison ford. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. >> it's very nice to be seen, thank you. >> jimmy: how are you? i wish we could -- i wish our -- >> yeah, just ask me how i was. >> jimmy: how are you? >> you didn't let me answer. >> jimmy: i knew you were going
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to give me a weird answer. [ laughter ] because there's something that you do, and i've picked -- i've finally figured it out after all these years. you come here and you torture everyone. [ laughter ] including me. in the funniest possible way. yeah? >> i'm not going to do that tonight. >> jimmy: you're not going to do that tonight? but you've already done that tonight. [ laughter ] because one of our producers, ken, he told me that he walked into your dressing room, and he started to give you a briefing on what we were going to discuss. you turned on a hair dryer the whole time he was speaking. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and once he was done speaking, you turned -- >> multi-tasking. >> jimmy: multi-tasking. >> i'm finally catching up. >> jimmy: did you hear anything he said or no? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. but it's fun --
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>> but i've never let him speak before. [ laughter ] so it was kind of -- >> jimmy: he has a hard time with speaking just in general. >> no. >> jimmy: he also said on the phone yesterday, you asked him what he was going to be wearing to the show tonight? >> yeah. i did. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're dressed almost identically, by the way. she point out -- yes, ken? >> doesn't he look great? >> jimmy: there's ken. [ cheers and applause ] sport jacket. button-down shirt. >> hey, ken? >> yeah? >> you should have blow dried your hair. [ laughter ] i'm just saying. >> jimmy: do you have hobbies? are you a person that has hobbies? >> i had a hobby, but i turned it into something resembling a job. >> jimmy: i see. so your hobby is acting? because when you were a kid, we found a photograph of you in high school, you were hand are handsome young man.
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you were in a lot of clubs. social science club. president, boys club. representative, model railroad club. class council representative. variety show. and gymnastics. >> uhh -- >> jimmy: is there something you take issue with on this list that shouldn't be on here? >> president. >> jimmy: president? >> i've been president of nothing. >> jimmy: you've never been -- you weren't president of the social science club? what is social science? >> the news. >> jimmy: oh, the news. so like social stooud studies. >> the news, dude. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. >> yeah. [ laughter and applause ] it's kind of a pseudoscience now. >> jimmy: now it's -- yeah it would definitely not be called a science anymore. >> no, doesn't qualify. >> jimmy: we were making -- we're making pasta later. >> i know. >> jimmy: i know you have to go to your premiere. >> you've got a better cook than me. >> jimmy: we have -- >> we have an actual cook. >> jimmy: are you not a great
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cook? >> i didn't say that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have you -- >> i don't -- i'm not in the restaurant business. >> jimmy: right. your son is a great chef. >> currently, at the moment. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> not in the restaurant business, which is -- an advantage. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. being in the restaurant business is -- >> it's hard. >> jimmy: it's really hard. >> i have enormous respect for the people that do it. and they work really, really hard. >> jimmy: have you worked as a cook? >> for relatively short periods of time. until they found out about me and fired me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: uh-huh? where did you cook? >> i -- my first job was -- i cooked at a hospital. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> i don't know what i told them, but they gave me a knife. [ laughter ] and a bunch of carrots. and i cut this part of my finger off. >> jimmy: oh. yeah. >> within minutes.
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>> jimmy: at the hospital? >> yeah. but the -- sew your finger on, back on, department was right down the hall. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, great. >> and right after that was where they fire you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? >> for lying about -- >> jimmy: you gave your fingertip for those people, and they let you go? >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's wrong. i cut this fingertip off. i cut this fingertip off. cooking, both of them. i was not at the hospital. nor did i go to the hospital. [ laughter ] >> did you -- but you weren't taking money for cooking at the time? >> jimmy: i was not, no. nobody was paying me. i was just at the house, bleeding, yeah. >> that's why i'm a criminal and you're not. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right, right. have you worked, like, in a restaurant or anything like that? >> no, but i worked on a yacht. >> jimmy: oh, on a yacht? >> yeah, and it came to me to be responsible for feeding people. >> jimmy: rich people, i assume? >> far beyond my means at the
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time. >> jimmy: this is -- you're living where? >> chicago. i was working on a yacht that was owned by the youngest bank president in chicago at the time. >> jimmy: he had a yacht? >> and a boutonniere. >> jimmy: he had a boutonniere? >> he wore one of those hats. with the scrambled eggs on the -- >> jimmy: captain hat? really? >> captain hat. with the boutonniere. and he was a nice guy. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> but he didn't know much about cooking. >> jimmy: uh-huh? fortunately for you, huh? >> but he was heir to the swift meatpacking factory. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> so all he had to do is buy really expensive beef. >> jimmy: and you grilled meat for him? yeah? >> anybody can do that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, anybody can do that. tim walz was here last night. you know -- >> thank god. >> jimmy: tim walz. you like him? >> i do. >> jimmy: he was a teacher. he was, you know -- he worked with kids.
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he worked in the lunchroom. he did a lot of this kind of stuff. >> his job is not done. >> jimmy: his job -- he hasn't even been hired for the job yet. [ laughter ] technically. we still have to -- we still have to do that. i was wondering if you -- because even donald trump said, i think you're his nafrt movie president from "air force one." [ cheers and applause ] i was wondering if you have ever been approached -- have you ever been approached to get involved in politics? >> but about to do it right now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, you are? >> no, i was just kidding. about entering into politics wrooer all in politics. >> jimmy: are we? >> we should be. we have to be. because it's critical. and there's some really important decisions to be made. >> jimmy: right. >> it's about saving the world. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: can't argue with that. we're going to take a break. harrison ford is here, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back. or active psoriatic arthritis, symptoms can sometimes hold you back. but now there's skyrizi, so you can be all in with clearer skin. ♪ things are getting clearer ♪ ♪ yeah, i feel free ♪ ♪ to bare my skin yeah, that's all me. ♪ ♪ nothing is everything ♪ with skyrizi, you can show up with 90% clearer skin. and if you have psoriatic arthritis, skyrizi can help you move with less joint pain, stiffness,swelling, and fatigue. skyrizi is just 4 doses a year after 2 starter doses. serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine, or plan to. thanks to skyrizi,
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i gave her the code. >> betrayal. look, dancing's supposed to be good for parkinson's. i don't even like it. >> you admit that you love our morning dancing or it's never going to happen again. >> it's my favorite, maybe. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's harrison ford in "shrinking." season two premieres next wednesday on apple tv plus. we enjoy this show. my wife and i watch it. you play a therapist who has parkinson's disease, which doesn't sound funny, but it is funny. it's a nice office atmosphere you guys have. jason segel is your costar, one of your costars. he says that it's intimidating working with you. do you sense that from him? >> well -- i'm really sorry to hear that. [ laughter ] that's not a good thing.
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maybe he -- maybe i -- get fired. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think it's too late. but i was wondering if there's an actor that you worked with that you felt like that way about? >> well -- alec guinness. >> jimmy: alec guinness, oh, interesting. >> sean connery. [ applause ] >> jimmy: did they make it -- did they try to ease your anxiety? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not at all. >> no, alec guinness did. he tried to find -- help me find an apartment when i first came to london to make "star wars." that's the kind of "sir" he was. >> jimmy: wow. did he drive you around? >> no. [ laughter ] i didn't realize that i could have asked him. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> no, he just -- put out the
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word amongst his friends. >> jimmy: and he got you an apartment? >> no, he didn't. [ laughter ] i guess his friends were too classy. didn't have enough money. >> jimmy: some knight he is, can't even get an apartment. >> he was a very sweet man. so was alec guinness -- or -- the other one. >> jimmy: sean connery. there's an episode where you are singing a sugar ray song. first of all, you have a very nice voice. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i've not really heard you sing before. >> well -- >> jimmy: did you know that song? ♪ some enchanted evening ♪ >> jimmy: that's not the one. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you may see a stranger ♪ ♪ across a crowded room ♪ i'm sorry. >> jimmy: no, no. [ cheers and applause ] they fell asleep over there,
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they don't know. [ laughter ] did you ever imagine you'd be on a television show? i mean, a big movie star. this used to be a thing that nobody did. >> oh, you mean -- not this television show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. definitely. definitely didn't mean this show. [ laughter ] >> because i thought you were asking me that. >> jimmy: isn't this exciting for you to be here? [ laughter ] this must be the pinnacle of your career! [ laughter and applause ] >> you know what? you make it feel like it is. [ audience: aww ] and that's not a good thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: harrison ford, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] season two of "shrinking" wednesday on apple tv plus. we'll be back with chef evan funke. what are you wearing your sex boxers at work for, you little freak? dress for the job you want.
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this is why i hate to come out of my office. ♪ "blue sky" by kid cudi ♪ it's not your patients' job to heal you. ♪ jimmy: well, maybe i don't have enough boundaries. jimmy: but we should be working together, like batman and robin. ♪ you already sound like him. i'm gonna make you pay for that. that's exactly what batman would say. ♪ the sky is blue, oh finally. ♪ ♪ been dreaming of this for awhile ♪ one thing we know is true: no matter race, gender, ethnicity... the need to screen when due... for colon cancer's a priority. indeed! everyone 45+ at average risk should screen for colon cancer. these folks are getting it done at home with me, cologuard. cologuard is a one-of-a-kind way to screen for colon cancer that's effective and non-invasive. it's for people 45+ at average risk, not high risk. false positive and negative results may occur. ask your provider for cologuard. i did it my way. can your pad flex with you without shifting? always flexfoam can.
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hello, evan, how are you? good to see you. >> how are you? >> jimmy: thanks for being here. i'm excited to have you. you make, and i think this is the big message -- i knew this about you, but you make pasta the hard way, the hardest way possible. >> with the hands and the stick. >> jimmy: you don't use machines? >> no. >> jimmy: could you really genuinely tell -- can you tell the difference between pasta made by hand and made by a machine? >> 100%. >> jimmy: yeah. >> because i'm insane. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but do you think most of your customers can tell the difference? >> hm -- that's an argument. >> jimmy: so in a way, you're just tormenting yourself. >> correct. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, correct. and the other thing i wanted to ask, i was watching you do it, i've done this a few times myself. you put the flour on the board, you make a well, you crack these beautiful eggs in the middle of it, you incorporate the eggs into the flour. that never works for me at all. the eggs run on the ground -- >> you're getting messy. eventually it's all got to come together. >> jimmy: isn't it better to put it in a bowl?
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>> also a good argument. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, all right. okay, i didn't know if that was an inferior way to do it. you know i like to do these things right. so, what are we going to make here? >> we're going to make a pasta, the key word is "to wipe." we'll wipe it around. a little bit of semolina oil, a little bit of water -- a ball of pre-made dough. >> jimmy: that you made? >> yeah. take a piece about that big -- >> jimmy: guillermo, do you want to help here? >> guillermo: yeah, here. >> we're going to pick off a pea-sized piece. >> jimmy: you dedicated the netflix show to your wife. >> i did, i did. >> jimmy: okay. >> she ate all the i make. >> jimmy: does she eat it all? >> she eats so much pasta. we have a pea size. what we're going to do is move your hand up and back. make a little tail, almost like a sperm. [ laughter ]
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what we're going to do is apply pressure. not too much. apply pressure, push it this way, almost like you're wiping it off. what happens is the gluten matrix goes against your hand -- >> jimmy: guillermo, you should write this down. >> guillermo: i think i got it. >> you make tortillas? you should be able to do this. >> jimmy: i've got to watch it again. i did this part. it went too long. then what? nothing happened. [ laughter ] >> hold on, guillermo. so look, pea size. make that. >> jimmy: okay. >> all right? then push. torque. the thumb upwards and push down and away. >> jimmy: again, nothing happened. [ laughter ] >> don't slice. >> jimmy: okay. >> flatten the hand, torque, push this way. >> jimmy: yep that doesn't look like it. >> this took me literally three weeks. >> jimmy: you're saying it's not weird that i should not be able to do it instantly? >> no, literally took me three
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weeks. >> jimmy: how many of these go into one bowl of pasta? >> typically 100 grams. this weighs like a gram. >> jimmy: i have to make 100 of these? >> 100. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> that's the connection. once somebody sees this pasta being made through the glass, there's a connection. they'll never look at it. they look down at their place, there's 100 pieces -- >> jimmy: what about those who come in and eat -- >> sometimes a bowl of pasta is a bowl of pasta, it's all good. >> jimmy: all right. i'm doing terrible. i have to say. guillermo's pretty good, a little better than me. i would just eat it like this and it would taste all right, fine? [ laughter ] >> the worst thing that can happen is pasta. >> jimmy: it's all the same ingredient. something about this shape is really nice. why? >> it's so elegant. so elgant and feminine. it's also kind of spiky. i like that. >> jimmy: so it holds a little bit of sauce on it. >> you can make them like that, too. >> jimmy: what kind of sauce are we making here? >> we're going to make some
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pesto genovese. >> jimmy: now that i've mastered this. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> guillermo: wow, you're real funny, man. [ laughter ] >> ready? >> jimmy: one shot of tequila during the commercials and he's blasted. >> guillermo: i got one, look, look. >> jimmy: oh, that's a good one, guillermo. look at that, how good he did. that's really good. >> guillermo: yeah, great. [ cheers and applause ] i did a good job, right? >> you did a good job. you did a good job. >> jimmy: wow, that's pretty good, guillermo. >> shall we make some pesto? >> jimmy: let's make some pesto. >> we have this genovese acts like loon aggregate. mash up the garlic really quick with the salt. don't be nice to it. we're going to add the pine nuts to that. >> jimmy: the pinoles? when i was a kid, my grandmother would put these pine nuts in the
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meatballs. and it was my grandfather who loved the pine nuts. >> were they italian? >> jimmy: yeah, of course. [ laughter ] and it was -- we hated it. it was disgusting. it was like eating a bug. [ laughter ] you eat one of them, it would be like, "oh, i got one of grandpa's meatballs." [ laughter ] >> okay, now we're going to start adding in the basil. what happens is, this beautiful basil, the oils infuse with the pine nuts and the gar lick and all that. and then goes the olive oil. >> jimmy: a little olive oil. >> and you do all the dishes like this, by hand? >> it's about how much pain you want to experience. >> jimmy: okay. >> in the end, it makes a big difference. the nuance, the flavor, is in the hand. cooking's not just measurement. it's love. >> jimmy: i've always said that, and you ignore me. [ laughter ] >> guillermo: no, i always say the same thing. >> jimmy: you do? okay. >> guillermo, how's it going? i need 100 more.
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[ laughter ] >> guillermo: oh, my gosh, can we order? >> jimmy: get postmates here. >> i have some premade. >> jimmy: can i hold one of those, see what it's like? this is dried now a little bit? >> this is dried, then blanched, then dried again. >> jimmy: you want to be a little al dente when you cook it? >> absolutely. a little al dente. this is going to take 15 seconds in the water. we've got some boiling water. we're going to add salt. when you season pasta water, it should taste like a heavily seasoned soup and not like the ocean. nobody wants to drink ocean water. >> jimmy: right. >> you're going to add the water to your pasta. >> jimmy: you're saying, don't go crazy with the salt? >> don't go crazy. it should taste like a heavily seasoned soup. we have pesto genovese. >> jimmy: that's what mine's supposed to look like? we're going to premade. >> we're going to add some of the hot water to this. pesto, if you get it too hot, it will break. it's not emulsified. it's going to be that. make it slightly warm.
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i'm going to bump the troffie in here. >> jimmy: you name a lot of these dishes you learned from these italian women after the women? >> 100%. it's the city, the province, and the woman. >> jimmy: and the woman, yeah. >> and giving credit where credit is due. i wouldn't be here without the women that taught me all of this. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the women taught you how to do this, now you're teaching us. oh, my gosh, it smells so delicious. >> this shape was taught to me by a woman named sofia. she's actually in the netflix film. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, that woman, yeah, she seems great. has she ever come to the restaurant? >> she has not. alessandra, my maestra, she's coming to do some dinners. >> jimmy: your new restaurant in miami? >> opened up two days ago, so i beat the hurricane when is fantastic. all about that. okay, so now we're done. >> jimmy: okay. you see this, guillermo? >> guillermo: it's about time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he gets very hungry. such a beautiful color. >> isn't it so gorgeous?
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>> jimmy: it is and it smells so good. i wish people could smell it at home. >> guillermo: what about it tastes good too? >> i hope so. >> jimmy: we're going to help find out. >> guillermo: okay, all right. >> guillermo, can you help me out with some cheese or what? >> jimmy: there you go. all right. >> all right, there you go. simple as that and as difficult as that. >> jimmy: shall we taste it? guillermo? we'll do it "lady and the tramp" style. >> it's a little short for that. >> guillermo: wait, hold on. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ed. >> oh, my gosh, so good. it's beautiful. thank you very much. >> guillermo: thank you. >> jimmy: chef evan funke, everybody. watch him on "chef's table: noodles." mother wolf has opened in miami. we'll be right back with carly pearce. >> lou: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series presented by snapdragon, at the heart of the devices you love.
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i feel really bad because it's his birthday and we bumped him, but we'll try to make up for it. "nightline" is next, but first, her album is called "hummingbird." here with the song "truck on fire," carly pearce. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ always thought you loved that black z-71 more than you loved me ♪ ♪ momma always told me boys like you would run not for keeps ♪ ♪ you called me up to tell me you were working late uh-huh ♪ ♪ but i heard right now you're dancing with a little miss jane ♪ ♪ birds been talking up on the wire spilling your secrets all over this town ♪ ♪ you and her back road pulling all-nighters ♪ ♪ did you really think
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that i wouldn't find out ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh-oh so i found a little gas in a small red can ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh-oh last strike match flying out of my hand ♪ ♪ liar liar truck on fire flames rolling off of your goodyear tires ♪ ♪ burn burn you're gonna learn never should've put your lips on her ♪ ♪ ♪ should've known from the way that you never left your phone sitting by the bed ♪ ♪ or the way that you laughed it off when i was catching on said it was in my head ♪ ♪ did you think that i wouldn't smell that cheap perfume uh-huh ♪ ♪ you'll have to find a new ride cause the joke's on you ♪ ♪ birds been talking up on the wire spilling your secrets all over this town ♪ ♪ you and her back road pulling all-nighters ♪ ♪ did you really think
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that i wouldn't find out ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh-oh so i found a little gas in a small red can ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh-oh last strike match flying out of my hand ♪ ♪ liar liar truck on fire flames rolling off of your goodyear tires ♪ ♪ burn burn you're gonna learn never should've put your lips on her ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ burn burn burn baby ♪ ♪ you'll learn learn learn baby ♪ ♪ birds been talking up on the wire spilling your secrets all over this town ♪ ♪ you and her back road pulling all-nighters ♪ ♪ did you really think that i wouldn't find out ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh-oh so i found a little gas
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in a small red can ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh-oh last strike match flying out of my hand ♪ ♪ liar liar truck on fire flames rolling off of your goodyear tires ♪ ♪ burn burn you're gonna learn never should've put your lips on her ♪ [ cheers and applause ] this is nightline. >> tonight. chappell. roan. fans divided. t t r t o >> you can take me high to go. >> hot to go see the superstar in concert. disappointed when she canceled. >> girl, you shouldn't be performing in those shows. then you're not ready. i hope that sh
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