live and on demand through the abc seven. bay area connected tv app is available for apple tv, google tv, amazon fire tv and roku. download the app now so you can start streaming. and don't forget to stream the black joy parade on sunday. 1230 right? 1230. all right. thank you so much for watching tonight. i'm ama daetz. >> and i'm dan ashley for sandhya patel. sara hodges, all of us. we appreciate your time. hope you have a wonderful weekend right now on jimmy kimmel. anthony mackie. >> have a great night. >> lou: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- anthony mackie, lizzy caplan, and music from bartees strange. with cleto and the cletones. and now, jimmy kimmel!

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, thank you. welcome. very nice. welcome. i'm jimmy, i am the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us. [ cheers and applause ] you know, i don't know. a lot of people had a three-day weekend this weekend. yesterday, the monday after the super bowl, is said to be the least-attended workday of the year. more americans than ever this year, an estimated 23 million, said they took the day off yesterday. one in eight american workers, and every single person in philadelphia, took the day off! [ laughter ] remember when trump said he would make the day after the super bowl a national holiday? when is that executive order coming down the pike? [ laughter ] let's whip out that fat little

presidential sharpie and deliver on what might be the only good thing you ever do, do it. [ laughter ] even though it wasn't much of a game, this was the highest-rated super bowl ever. nearly 128 million people tuned in. tubi scored a record 13.6 million viewers for the game, which beat their previous record by 13.6 million viewers. [ laughter ] the halftime show was the highest-rated of all-time as well, which makes sense. younger viewers were very excited about kendrick lamar. whereas some from an older, maybe whiter demographic, were not. [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ >> i haven't heard one word that makes sense. >> what's he trying to say? >> i don't know. >> i'm still waiting to be uplifted. i'd even settle for a little entertainment. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: someone's been going to senior hip hop dance class. [ laughter ] i believe that's called progress right there. here in l.a. last night, the lakers gave out 19,000 number 77 t-shirts to celebrate the arrival of luka doncic. you could see the chemistry between luka and lebron right off the bat. luka got a huge l.a. welcome in front of a sold-out crowd. it was a big night not only from an nba trade standpoint. it was also the first time a slovenian arrived in l.a. without getting to first base with our governor. [ laughter ] a lot of celebrities in the house last night. adele was at the game. screaming in perfect pitch. [ laughter ] the laker girls broke out the chihuahua cannons and fired little dogs into the crowd. [ laughter ] it had to be weird for doncic. after all those years in dallas, suddenly playing for l.a. it's like if someone put a hood over your head, pushed you into a van, and you woke up working for "the drew barrymore show." [ laughter ] >> guillermo: yeah, it would be

crazy. >> jimmy: before the game, lebron told luka, "don't fit in, fit the "f" out." which is confusing advice for a guy whose first language is not english. [ laughter ] a guy who got traded because he couldn't fit in his uniform. nobody knows why the mavericks made this trade. one of the storylines is that it was because of his weight. the mavericks had concerns about his conditioning. whereas the fans in dallas did not. >> bring him back, he's not fat! bring him back, he's not fat! bring him back, he's not fat! >> jimmy: uh -- thank you, i guess? [ laughter ] imagine turning on the tv and seeing a bunch of people chanting, "you're not fat." first thing you'd think is, i'm fat, i guess. [ laughter ] but don't worry. this is l.a. we don't allow fat. we'll get some ozempic in his gatorade. he'll fit in. look what we did to john goodman, we can do that for you. [ laughter ] it was a busy day for donald trump today. he was on tv today from morning until night. it's like the "jerry lewis telethon" with this guy. [ laughter ] all day, reporters in there taking -- he's taking questions,

having meetings, he's tackling all the most important stuff. he did the same thing yesterday. all day. he canceled the penny, changed the gulf of mexico to the gulf of america, and finally got tough on paper straws! >> this is an executive order relating to the use of paper straws. as you've consistently identified, nobody really likes paper straws. >> number one trending. can you believe it? a paper straw, number one trending for three days or something. >> the environmental impact of plastic straws versus paper straws is entirely unclear. this has cost the government and private industry an absolute ton of money and left consumers all over the country wildly dissatisfied with their straws. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i like that nerd who has to stand next to him, pretend these are serious things. he has to walk in and say "for too many years, seatbelts have been beeping until you buckle up." [ laughter ] "this executive order will free from us their tyranny there you go, sign right here." his name is will scharf. and thanks to him, and our

president, we can rekindle our long love affair with plastic straws. >> we're going back to plastic straws. these things don't work. i've had them many times. on occasion, they break. they explode. [ laughter ] if something's hot, they don't last very long, like a matter of minutes. sometimes a matter of seconds. it's a ridiculous situation. >> jimmy: wait a minute. i'm with him on it not lasting very long, but they explode? [ laughter ] his straws are exploding? how hard is he sucking? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] of course, the reason we switched to those admittedly terrible paper straws in the first place is because plastic straws wind up in the ocean, and they kill marine life. which i guess is another argument trump, a well-known hater of sharks, doesn't buy. >> i don't think that plastic's going to affect a shark very much, as they're eating -- as they're munching their way through the ocean. okay? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like pac man, they're just munching their way through the ocean.

that degree in marine biology is really coming in handy. [ laughter ] listen, the fact of the matter is trump loves plastic. most of his wives are made of plastic. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to have a lot of plastic in our future. speaking of sucking, elon musk was at trump's side today. [ laughter ] elon took questions from the oval office with his son. he brought his son, r2 pound sign musk -- [ laughter ] who is 4 years old. and as you can see, trump is super-excited to have him there. >> what is -- the goal of doge and of a significant part of the presidency is to restore democracy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so much warmth. it's like a grandfather. look at trump's orange, angry face next to sheet-white elon musk. it's like a q-tip next to a traffic cone. [ laughter ] so then the kid, you know, he's being a kid. he starts picking his nose. >> between now and next year,

there is no inflation. there's no inflation. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, i hope you find some government waste in there. [ laughter ] don't get it on the diet coke button! trump also answered questions about canada. you know, this thing with canada, it started -- it kind of seemed like it was a joke, the idea of making canada a state. but it's getting weirder, and he's continuing to dig in on this. >> i love canada. i have so many friends in canada, you can't count them. wayne gretzky, i love wayne gretzky. i love so many people. i love their tradition. i love their ice hockey. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: any other canadian stereotypes you want to mention? [ laughter ] "i love their syrup. i love the moose. i love the zambonis." [ laughter ] u.s. foreign relations right now are completely insane. he wants to turn gaza into a some trump-themed planned living community. there's a movement in the house of representatives right now to change the name of greenland to red white and blue land. that is not a joke. a congressman from georgia wants to do that.

and all the disarray leaves a lot for our new secretary of state, marco rubio, to clean up. even though marco rubio has trouble doing what seemed to be very simple things, like for instance, shaking hands. >> jimmy: egyptian foreign minister. let's see that close up again. oh, yeah, no. [ laughter ] yeah there -- all right, yeah, give me some skin, my brother. [ laughter ] they call that "the ole rubio reach around." [ laughter ] he is beautiful. they're all cartoon characters. he's the most normal one. trump had an interview with fox news on sunday before the super bowl. they saved part two of the interview for last light. brett baier asked trump a pretty simple question, a lay-up regarding his running mate, j.d. vance. >> do you view vice president j.d. vance as your successor? the republican nominee in 2028? >> no. but he's very capable. i mean, i don't think that it -- you know, i think you have a lot

of very capable people. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is colder than melania's side of the bed. [ laughter ] [ applause ] he could have at least pretended to think about it for a minute. the only job the vice president has is to be the president's successor. [ laughter ] but trump is definitely thinking about a third term. he might even be thinking about a fourth term right now. j.d. vance has been far away in paris the past couple of days, speaking at an international ai summit. i haven't seen much coverage because trump occupies every minute of every day. so, i thought it might be interesting to check in. see how it's going with the vice president of the united states, mr. j.d. vance. [ applause ] mr. vice president, can you hear me? hello? j.d.? >> one second, one second, i'm just getting a big old drink of this ee-vi-yan they've got here. >> jimmy: actually, i believe that's a bidet you're drinking out of. >> whatever it is, it sure hilts

the spot. look at me. i'm like one of those poodles the haitians are eating in ohio. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you enjoying your time in paris? >> heck, no, i am not. i ate what i thought was a booger yesterday, it turned out to be a snail, yuck. >> jimmy: what is it that you are doing in france? >> i am in france to find that place where the naked ladies dance. and shut it down. >> jimmy: okay, and how's that going so far? >> lord jesus hath not prepared me for the moral depravity over here. i have personally confiscated dozens of dildos from the bicycle baskets of these hairy-pated perverts. look! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, those are -- >> they call them -- bag-wets. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think that's just a loaf of bread you're holding. >> oh, well. you won't want to eat one after what i done with it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, now -- are you meeting with people? officials and -- no? >> no, sirree. this place is teeming with foreigners. and daddy donald says that is a

no-no. >> jimmy: oh, speaking of daddy donald, did you hear what trump said about you being his successor? >> no. what'd he say? >> jimmy: he -- oh now -- you know, he said he doesn't see you as his successor. [ laughter ] >> no, he didn't. >> jimmy: he -- yeah, he did. he said it was too soon -- to know -- oh. [ sobbing sounds ] >> he's fine, i'm sure he's right. he's always right. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to upset you. are you at least seeing the sights in paris? >> i went to a museum. known as the lube. >> jimmy: it's the louvre. the louvre. >> whatever these frenchies call it, i was rudely kicked out for acting inappropriate. why did they even call it french kissing if you can't sex-lick the mona lisa? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a really good question, actually.

maybe you'll have better luck in germany. i know you're headed there next. i will be curious to know what the german press thinks about you once referring to trump as america's hitler. >> and why, pray tell, are you curious about that? >> jimmy: well, obviously they're ashamed of adolf hitler, so since you said that -- >> jeremy had a hitler too? [ laughter ] wild. >> jimmy: yeah, they did. >> sorry, one second, come in? entree bu-stead murky bouquet -- >> bonjour. >> jimmy. this is how these animals talk. listen to it. i hate the way these french words feel in my ears. >> jimmy: it's their language. >> when you get a minute, bring me a fresh one of those penis breads. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a baguette. so what are you going to do tonight? what's the plan? >> have you ever heard of a chaise longue? >> jimmy: yes, of course i have,

yeah. >> well, i found one. and tonight, i'm going to [ bleep ] it. [ laughter ] don't tell! >> jimmy: okay, all right, thank you. [ laughter ] thank you so much, mr. vice president, for your time. we really appreciate it. >> au revoir! >> jimmy: all right, we have a fun show tonight. lizzy caplan is here. we have music from bartees strange. and we'll be right back with anthony mackie. so stick around! your to-do list can be...a lot. ♪ super helpful. ♪ [ cheering ] what are invoices? progressive makes it easy to see if you can save money with a commercial auto quote online so you can get back to all your other to-dos. absolutely not. get a quote at progressivecommercial.com.

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. tonight, you can see her alongside robert de niro in the new show "zero day." lizzy caplan is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, a multi-talented musician with an album out on valentine's day called "horror," bartees strange. [ cheers and applause ] and i also want to thank the vice president of the united states, haley joel osment, for joining us. [ laughter ] tomorrow night, we'll be joined by edward norton and chris distefano, with music from mj lenderman. so please join us for that. our first guest is spreading his wings and polishing his shield in his very own marvel movie. "captain america: brave new world" opens in theaters friday. please welcome anthony mackie. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: captain, how are you? >> oh, man. you're looking good, jimmy, every time i come here you look like new money. you're looking good. >> jimmy: you were at the super bowl. in your hometown? >> i was in new orleans at the super bowl. i had to go, i couldn't miss it. >> jimmy: do you feel you're hosting the world when the super bowl is in your hometown? >> you know what, people -- it's only your degenerate friends that want to be hosting. [ laughter ] everybody else show up and go to the game. your friends are like, "you got tickets? can i stay on your couch? where am i going to dinner? can you cook? i need breakfast." i'm like, "no." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you draw a line, you say no? >> no, but then i end up with five people from my house, because i don't know where they came from. [ laughter ] how these uber drivers got my address? >> jimmy: you went to the game, you were at the game.

>> had a great time at the game. >> jimmy: great seats and everything? >> great seats. that's one thing i do. i don't do many things, but i do great seats. >> jimmy: then afterward, do you go to like the winning team's party? >> oh. well, this year i went to philly's party. 'cause they won. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> you know? yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm guessing that the chiefs probably didn't have a party, right? >> no, they still had a party. >> jimmy: they did? >> yeah, my boy -- i'ma name drop. my name jeff lurie, he my man. i hang with him in philly at the stadium in his box. that's my man. we go way back, like bad credit. [ laughter ] i had to go support my man, and he won the super bowl. >> jimmy: so you really had the inside track. >> i was there, dog. >> jimmy: in fact, this is -- i wanted to ask you about this photograph. this seems to -- where was this photograph taken? >> that's my man, big money g, super bowl champion coach. my man, big money g, siriani happy happy.

he was coming in, i was like, "yo, siri, what's up?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is in the hotel? >> no, the party was at the -- >> jimmy: he brought the -- >> the trophy was everywhere. >> jimmy: i don't think you're supposed to be walking around with the trophy, with the lombardi trophy. [ laughter ] it's not the stanley cup. like, you can't drink out of it. [ laughter ] >> it's really heavy. he gave me the trophy. "siri, this is heavy, like you're going to hurt yourself." he had a cigar, "what you smoking?" "nothing but the best." "you sound like a 50-year-old cuban man." >> i hope you don't go to jail for that, you can't get -- i ain't no snitch! >> jimmy: i don't think anyone could go to jail for anything anymore, don't worry. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so, did you send this to your buddies from philadelphia? >> i sent that to everybody i

knew from philly just to let them -- congratulate them and rub it in, you know what i mean? "i'm with your coach and your trophy, and you at home." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we were talking about the last time the super bowl was in new orleans. there was a blackout in the stadium. >> it went dark real quick. >> jimmy: were you there? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. beyonce have a way of shutting stuff down. [ laughter ] she shut it down. >> jimmy: how long was it dark? i don't remember. >> you know, it's crazy because it was like a loss of time, dude. like for me it was five minutes. when i got home they were like, it was dark for an hour. they were showing commercials. that's crazy, because literally, just like that. i was so juiced on beyonce. [ laughter ] for me, it was five minutes. i was still excited. >> wow, that's crazy. >> yeah. >> jimmy: was anyone nervous around you? >> well, my section was pretty quiet. the dope part about it was, so -- i'ma name drop again, all right? this isn't my thing, i've just had a good week. [ laughter ] i ended up sitting with one of my favorite bands, journey. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. yeah. yeah. so -- if you're a middle-aged black dude, you love journey, right? [ laughter ] so i was sitting there, i started talking to the dude next to me. come on to find out he's a member of journey, and he's from baltimore. i said, that's crazy, i'm going to see journey tomorrow night. he's like, shut up, you're not going to see journey tomorrow night. like, bucco. i'm going to see journey. [ laughter ] right? no idea what they look like. so he was like, all right, you know, if we win, if we win we have to celebrate. we're going to celebrate after the show. sure enough, i talk him off the ledge -- >> jimmy: he was nervous? >> oh, my god, dude, he was sweating. >> jimmy: wait. the guys who did the song "when the lights go out in the city" were nervous about a blackout? [ laughter ] >> nervous when the lights went out. >> jimmy: that is ridiculous. >> it's different when the lights go out and when there's a blackout. [ laughter ] completely different things. >> jimmy: you're right. >> it's a blackout, i get nervous. like, somebody getting robbed. [ laughter ] somebody did this on purpose. >> jimmy: so you had planned to go see journey, and it turns out you're sitting next to journey?

>> i had bought tickets. and i was sitting next to journey. they were playing in baton rouge. so the next day the security guard was this big dude, like zz top beard, long ponytail. he goes, "i like you, kid." "thanks." "tomorrow you're coming to the show with me." what? i get in the car and i ride with them to baton rouge. i rock out with journey till 12:00. >> jimmy: was the show good? >> oh, man, it's journey, bro. >> jimmy: and the lights stayed on? >> no light problems. i crushed the show, i knew all the words. >> jimmy: you do a lot of fun things. you're the grand marshal at the daytona 500 coming up. >> yes, yes. [ cheers and applause ] i'm a big nascar dude. i'm a big nascar dude. >> jimmy: who's your favorite driver? >> i love nascar, i love formula 1. i grew up in the day of darrell earnhardt jr., you know what i mean? when i was a kid i had the diehard number 3 card. i loved jimmie johnson. i'm just one of those dudes, you know. danica, that's my girl too. i love nascar. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you get to say

"gentlemen, start your engines" when you're this guy? >> you should watch the news, because i'm going to try and sneak down and drive a car on the track. [ laughter ] i don't know how good it's going to go. but i'm going to try to do it. >> jimmy: i think that seems like a mistake. [ laughter ] >> no, there's no mistakes. it's 2025. everything now is planned and coordinated, sir. >> jimmy: you do need to figure out -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] -- how you're going to do it. did you ever see adam sandler and kevin james do the "gentlemen, start your engines"? >> no. >> jimmy: it's the greatest one ever. >> adam sandler has a track record for doing the greatest [ bleep ] -- the greatest stuff. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they put their hearts and souls into that thing. >> oh, really? >> jimmy: are you going to -- how are you going to do it? have you thought this through? >> i've been thinking about, like i want to be cool, i want to sound sexy, like -- "gentlemen, start your engines." [ laughter ] but that's not exciting. but i don't want to be overzellous and faint and fall off onto the track, you know what i mean? i think it will be somewhere in between. >> jimmy: okay. >> like -- you know. "gentlemen!

start your engines!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, a little bit of puberty in there. >> yeah, yeah, like the excitement of a 13-year-old. [ laughter ] you know, i feel like that would be a good luck. >> jimmy: i like it. anthony mackie. he's captain america. [ cheers and applause ] his movie comes out friday. we'll be right back! prilosec knows, for a fire... one fire extinguisher beats 10 buckets of water, and for zero heartburn 1 prilosec a day... beats taking up to 10 antacids a day. it's that simple, for 24 hour heartburn relief... one beats ten.

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wait for it. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is anthony mackie in "captain america: brave new world" which opens on friday. oh, that's exciting. >> hey, shout-out to david warren. david warren is the most helpingest, flippingest stunt man in the world. i always tell him, "bro, chill out with the flips, chill out with the kicks." he's always like, "yeah, yeah, yeah." i get to the set -- what? >> jimmy: stunt man or no stuntman, it must be so much fun to watch yourself beating up seven guys. [ laughter ] i would love to have a video like that. >> i like other people watching me beat up seven guys. >> jimmy: yes, yes, all good.

>> i go somewhere, "that's the dude that beat up seven dudes." that's me, and i'm jumping in a car. >> jimmy: you've got the big premiere across the street tonight. [ cheers and applause ] did you invite journey to the premiere? [ laughter ] or is that only a one-way street? >> you've got all the references. us middle-aged dudes kill it. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, journey, are you kidding? i'm quite a bit older than you are. >> no, once you hit 40, it evens out. >> jimmy: where have you been? new york, london, vegas, atlanta, miami, new orleans, of course, and here in los angeles? >> yeah, and london, rome, what was the last place, port -- spain, barcelona. cha cha cha! and i ain't including those. >> jimmy: i hope you have a neck pillow, i really do. [ laughter ] >> no, no, i can sleep anywhere. i literally -- i have a dog that looks like a potato, so i grab her by her legs and i put her on the floor and i'm out. i'm out. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: you also -- not only have you been on planes, you've been jumping out of planes. this is from ellis air force base. there you are jumping out of the plane. had you done that before? >> that was my 24th jump. >> jimmy: oh, you have. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: 24th. >> what was special about that was, i jumped out of a c-130. now, a c-130 is a motherlode of a plane. the whole back of it opens up. if you want to know what kind of man you are -- [ laughter ] just let the back of a plane open up and you're on it at 15,000 feet. >> jimmy: i know what kind of man i am, i'm the kind of man who [ bleep ] in his pants. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and run to the cockpit and then throw up. >> right. no, it was great. so sam wilson, who i play in captain america, in the comic book he's a member of the 58th airborne. the 58th airborne is a very special breed of combat soldiers. the 58th are the ones that go out to get people in. they do search and rescue. so if you get stuck or you get hurt behind enemy lines, the

58th come in and get you out. >> jimmy: i see. >> so for sam wilson to be a member of the 58th, it was a monumental experience for me to go and meet these guys, spend time with these guys, go to their barracks, go to their mess hall, do all this stuff. and then have them throw me out of a plane. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you -- did you -- when you started as the falcon, did you know that eventually you would take the mantle of captain america? >> no, that was never -- because we had a perfectly good, healthy captain america. [ laughter ] you know. you don't get fired on your day off by chris evans, you know. >> jimmy: do you think the marvel people knew you would be captain america? >> i think with the comic books, it was outlined. i think this is something that's been in the works for a long time. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> and it was just, how did we work up to that? "end game" was such a massive, massive, emotional experience. kevin feige said, it's going to

take people two or three years to emotionally get over "end game." now we're at that point, where people, they want more. you know, they want to see, what's that next phase? so this movie is the beginning of this next phase, the first way "captain america: the first avenger" was. >> jimmy: what's the shield actually made of? >> i think it's plastic. [ laughter ] we have two, i have two. i broke them. >> jimmy: you have? >> speaking of stuntmen. there was one dude, i have to punch him with the shield. didn't work out. didn't work out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: for him? >> didn't work out for anybody. it was just a bad situation. so i know it's not -- i know it's not wood or metal or copper. >> jimmy: so you don't have one? you didn't take one home? >> of course i did. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah, i took everything. >> jimmy: is it a plastic one? >> [ bleep ]. no, i ain't take nothing. [ laughter ] no, the one that i have is like a compressed -- it's like a compressed plastic. >> jimmy: okay. >> it's heavy. it's like 12 to 15 pounds. >> jimmy: it's not like a metal shield like --

>> it's not a wok. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's not a wok, okay. >> i'm not captain wok. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i know you have to keep this stuff very close to the vest, but if there's one thing we learned tonight and that people did not know is that the shield is not a wok. [ laughter ] >> it's not a wok. and one thing everybody knows now, i steal stuff from sets. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, well. >> don't leave your car laying around. >> jimmy: well you should, by the way. anthony mackie. "captain america: brave new world" opens in theaters friday. we'll be right back with lizzy world" opens in theaters friday. we'll be right back with lizzy caplan! marshalls buyers have a very particular set of skills. ♪ they can hunt down the latest trends. double denim is back. so chic. ♪ and take quality very, very seriously. ♪ ceramic. they're highly trained, deal making professionals.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back to the show. we have music from bartees strange on the way. our next guest is a very funny person you know from many movies and shows. the latest with robert de niro is called "zero day." it premieres one week from thursday on netflix. please say hello to lizzy caplan.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ lizzy, you look kind of like a superhero. you got that -- >> thank you, finally. someone will take me seriously in that marvel cinematic universe. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i hear you moved from l.a. to new york? >> i did. >> jimmy: we made you come back for this? >> yeah, you did. unfortunate. if i say i just moved to new york, big cheers. nothing. >> jimmy: most of these people are not from l.a., so really, they don't care about any of this. [ laughter ] >> i don't know. i just moved to l.a. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy. >> jimmy: that's called pandering. [ laughter ] to me, there's nothing -- well, there are worse things, certainly. but moving is just awful. >> it's bad.

it's bad, and when you move to a whole new place and you have to get a new dentist. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a new coffee shop, and somebody to cut your dog's hair or whatever. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you have to start from ground zero. >> jimmy: how do you do that? do you ask your friends? >> yeah, i ask my friends. but sometimes you have to do a little recon yourself. i had to find a new bikini waxer. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> you know. >> jimmy: i have a good one. [ laughter ] oh, you mean in new york. >> in new york, yeah. [ laughter ] and it's -- i don't know, somebody told me once, don't do laser, it's bad for you. so i'm old-school, and i do bikini waxes. and the person i've been seeing here in l.a., 20-something years. >> jimmy: oh. >> very deep and meaningful relationship. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> eve. and so the thought of finding a new one, getting back out there. [ laughter ] getting back in the game at this age. it was rough. >> jimmy: yeah. that's tough, that's tough. >> and it's -- [ laughter ]

jimmy, i don't know. >> jimmy: i can't even imagine. >> they get in there. they get in there. it's a very, very intimate relationship. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's not just like the service, but it's also like the chat that happens. >> jimmy: is there chat? >> oh, there's chat. >> jimmy: i don't think i would say anything. >> no, no, there's chat. >> jimmy: really? >> in fact, chat -- it's equally as important. if either one of those things is too awkward or more awkward than it needs to be, the chat or the service, it's not a relationship that's going to work at all. >> jimmy: right, oh, so you're looking for more than just -- >> it's a relationship. >> jimmy: yeah, the -- it's not like taking your car in. [ laughter ] >> no, jimmy. >> jimmy: no. >> no. in some ways it's like taking your car in. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. so this woman, i met her, she seemed nice. she was kind, which i liked. and efficient, which i also like. >> jimmy: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> something i look for. and -- i don't know if you know this, but the final step in a brazilian bikini wax is you turn onto your stomach, right?

and you, like -- you have to -- >> jimmy: present? [ laughter ] >> yeah. you spread your -- >> jimmy: oh, that's your responsibility? >> yes. because she's doing the waxing. so i do the spreading. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so this is a team effort. >> oh, yeah, yeah, you're working in tandem. >> jimmy: i see. >> this is why it's a relationship. >> jimmy: i see. >> yeah, yeah. so i do it. and usually at this point the chat does drop out for this. [ laughter ] for this part. it's settled into, like -- you know, a respectful silence. so i'm there. this new woman. i'm spreading it. and she goes, "beautiful ring." [ laughter ] [ applause ] i'm like -- what? what? and i realize. she's talking about my ring.

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, thank god you had jewelry on. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what if it was onion? forget about it. [ laughter ] that could have been really horrible. oh, boy. so this is your new york person now? >> she's my number one girl. >> jimmy: congratulations on that. you're working with robert de niro, which has got to be exciting. i'm sure he gets tired of every actor excited to work with him? >> probably, yeah. i would think so. i played it really cool, like i didn't know who he was. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's a guy, he would know a good waxer. he would know good stuff for you in new york. >> he knows everything. >> jimmy: yeah. he's like the mayor of the whole town. >> where do you think i got my recommendation? [ laughter ] straight from bob. straight from the source. >> jimmy: bob, he's got beautiful rings. [ laughter ] you -- you know, we're talking about the movie "mean girls" which i'm sure -- [ cheers and applause ] >> heard of it. >> jimmy: and you played janis ian in -- which is funny. just to start with. and people ask you about this a

lot? >> i've been asked about it once or twice, yes. >> jimmy: i apologize for springing this on you, and i know you're not prepared but that's kind of the point of this. >> okay. >> jimmy: a lot of funny, snappy comebacks in the film. >> sure did. >> jimmy: when is the last time you saw it? >> i think i saw it maybe five or six years ago. before that i hadn't seen it since it came out. >> jimmy: you're completely unprepared for this. what we'd like to do, with your permission, is show you a scene from the movie. at the end of the clip, we will stop it before your line and see if you remember the line. okay? >> okay. okay. >> jimmy: all right? >> okay. >> jimmy: it's called -- "what's my line?" [ cheers and applause ] we didn't work that hard on the thing. all right. clip number one, here we go. >> regina seems -- sweet. >> jimmy: do you remember what you said about regina after regina seems sweet? >> oh -- regina -- oh, she's a scum-sucking something. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: pretty close. here we go. >> she's not sweet, she's a scum-sucking road horse, she ruined my life. [ cheers and applause ] >> that was a hard one. >> jimmy: next? >> what's that smell? >> oh, regina gave me some perfume. >> you smell like a baby prostitute. [ laughter ] >> you smell like a baby prostitute. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, half of these lines are like on mugs at this point. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, they're on mugs, you should remember them. you buy them on etsy, they should be in your brain. [ laughter ] >> you know i couldn't invite you. i had to pretend to be plastic. >> you're not pretending anymore, you're plastic. cold, shiny, hard plastic. >> curfew again, it's now 1:10. >> jimmy: all right, this is a long one. >> oh, god. it's like a speech, isn't it? >> jimmy: few sentences. [ laughter ] >> uh -- you -- it ends with "you're a mean girl."

>> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> really? you -- awesome. the awesome one. >> jimmy: okay, yeah, here we go. >> did you have an awesome time? did you drink awesome shooters and listen to awesome music and sit around and soak up each other's awesomeness? >> jimmy: we're going to give you another half point for that one. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you've got two points. if you can get this one, you win the prize. >> yes, really want the prize. >> jimmy: we don't have a prize. guillermo, go grab a prize real quick. >> guillermo: sure, yeah. >> what's it made of? >> jimmy: do you remember that? >> i do remember this one. your mom's chest hair. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your mom's chest hair? >> your mom's chest hair. >> jimmy: your mom's chest hair is absolutely correct. [ cheers and applause ] wow. >> prize! >> jimmy: oh, guillermo, what do you have? >> a phone charger. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a phone charger. [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: congratulations!

>> oh, amazing. >> jimmy: "zero day" is her show. it premieres next thursday on netflix. thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with bartees strange.

>> jimmy: thanks to anthony mackie and lizzy caplan. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next. but first, his album "horror" is out this friday. here with the song "backseat banton," bartees strange! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm a backseat lover now i want to drive ♪ ♪ in the back of a cutlass lived a whole 'nother life ♪ ♪ never ran from no other they were dyin' inside ♪

♪ live a day in another's might've lost my life ♪ ♪ and now i'm staring down the edge again ♪ ♪ future's got a sketchy grin ♪ ♪ should i grab the wheel and spin ♪ ♪ look at me now woo woo woo ♪ ♪ i don't need no other i can put that on mine ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i don't need no other i can put that online ♪ ♪ now we're dying inside ♪ ♪ every day like my brother getting into your life ♪ ♪ and now i'm sleepin' standin' up again in the brightest

lights ♪ ♪ time is pulling up on all my sins how much can i buy ♪ ♪ so now i'm staring down the edge again ♪ ♪ future's got a sketchy grin ♪ ♪ should i grab the wheel and spin ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ being scared has made me bigger now bigger than i was ♪ ♪ the darkest side of waking up ♪ ♪ is seeing who i've become ♪ ♪ grace is still a savior every moment that it comes ♪ ♪ i'm reminded of a hopeful me ♪ ♪ and how fast that i could run ♪ ♪ i know you want me to leave but i need you right now ♪

♪ when there's nothing to see ♪ ♪ but i just need to find out ♪ ♪ you and i got some reasons ♪ ♪ that we could leave right now ♪ ♪ i know there's none left for me ♪ ♪ but i just need to find out ♪ ♪ the future's coming for me and there's no breaking free ♪ ♪ time's the winner when fear's got you nailed to a tree ♪ ♪ the only way up for me is to break down ♪ [ cheers and applause ] thiss nightline. >> tonight, a major setback for the menendez brothers. >> the court should