good morning. welcome to mosaic. i'm honored to be your host this morning. we're joined by two wonderful experts in the field of grief to have a morning conversation about what grief is and why it is important to attend to and what grief resources that we have in the community i would like to introduce you to a licensed clinical social work we are over 40 years of experience in the people from grief. and cofounder of a weekend called grief and growing, a healing weekend for individuals and families in mourning. and founder of a unique program

that was begun the chapel. for folks that come to the chapel for services. and we have a doctor who is a certified grief counselor. you talk about degriefing. we'll talk about that a little later. welcome. let's jump in and just start with the basics what is grief and why is it important that attend to? >> that's a big question. grief is, in my mind, the normal response that everybody has after there's been a death. grief is also a response to any kind of loss to any extent. it's a universal life experience. it's something that is very important, i think, to attend

to and there are professionals now who provide grief care who are in all sorts of fields from therapists to rabbis, to doctors, clinicians and so it's a -- it helps to have a community to support someone through grief, professional as well as the lay community. >> grief is -- also accumulates in the body and oftentimes when we were working grieving individuals, we need to work with this emotional buildup and fresh loss stimulates prior loss. and often we hear about this from individuals by the way they describe how they're feeling. something might be stuck in their gut or their heart on their sleeve or the head in the clouds and butter fly in the

stomach. and they tell us how grief is affecting them so when we are talking with grieving individuals, we need to listen to their languaging, because we're developing a solid laning about how to to -- languaging about how to communicate about grief. >> in your vast field of the experience, over 60 years together, i'm sure you've seen a lot of different changes about the way people talk about grief and willing to share their grief and the different mow in supporting somebody? >> one of any things that my career has expand is grief and research. and it started with elizabeth

cooper ross. she was a doctor and worked with the dying and began to bring grief work into a professional realm. in the beginning, grief was thought to be an individual experience. so people worked with those that -- would work with it at all work with individual therapists. it then moved into a peer group counseling, like widower, widower outreach programs. it move into more professionally led groups and it moved into some of the things that we do and we've done in our work together, which is within a community of strangers, a grief camp weekend experience, a retreat experience. and i think now all of those things come to bare and are very well used and well respected. it takes a community. >> so we have a investment a scaffolding of support for each

individual as they go through grief? >> yes. >> everyone feels that their grief is individual to themselves, but yet we all go through? >> exactly,. >> and it's dual in many people's minds they set a model the right way to agreement and the truth is -- to grieve. we all experience grief and we're all the same as humans and we grieve uniquely according to our own sense of self, our lives, our stories and other losses, our cultural upbringing. so with the internet also as you've seen with the changes, that there are on line support groups and different organizations creating rituals, such as breast cancer awareness month to honor the people that we love that have dealt with this. >> one of the things that it makes me think of, is that

grief work and grief care and grief support has become much more normalize among community and that is really, for instance, the next steps program that we created at sign into at the hospital. it's brought it into a broader scope with the internet. >> we'll take a quick break and return in a moment to mosaic. -- please join us in a moment.

♪ our time is short ♪ this is our fate ♪ i'm yours [ singing scat ] we're in the mist of the a wonderful conversation of grief and grief resources and with

our two guests. welcome back. we were talking about the interesting growth of the field of grief in which people have come to understand that they can get support for grief all the away from an individual experience with a therapist up to a communal experience for the grief weekend that you and i cofounder that is available to folks once i year and the way that people experience grief in different ways that you were talking about, lynn. duck talk a little more about what you developed and determined degriefing? >> i would like to say in the begin to say degrieving is on door -- degreaving and oxy

mormon. so work with individual person, where did they ache? and where do they find this prevenes so uncomfortable emotion, not the enemy but the fuel to look deeply in inside to recognize how we want to honor for the loss loved one, what we need to know about this emotion and how we can use this as a period of time to reset our personal dreams and hopes and life goals. degriefing has sparked many conversations. is it possible? and a conversation around what is grief? what does it feels like? is it common humanity. we use the therapeutic model talk therapy. what we know and learn as a

culture is the use of integrated therapy so each person finds outlet to express rather than to repress this emotion and feeling. >> what i love about it approach, and i think it evolves from all the stepping stones of the past work that has happened with grief. it does do what i think is so important, that is not normalize grief. it allows it to be a transformative experience for anyone at any stage no matter how you think, how old, how traumatic the loss experience is. it allows it to be used in that way. i think that is a very important response that brings it into the everyone. >> yes. i've done a five-day degriefing in new mexico i've worked with individuals, couples, schools

and mayo clinic. in our education, my belief is we don't give medical professionals enough information. oftentimes there in the throws of caring for others needing to identify what is this feeling? and we have named the feeling. when we were in empathetic communication with individuals and families dealing with loss, there's a feeling of being open where they're at. it's been named by the therapeutic field. we need to learn about self care because to be in service to others, we really must. it's no longer appropriate or glamorous to operation in

martyrdome. >> it bring it's from the experience of individual into the community to those that provide grief care and what it means and how this affects grief caregivers that are impacted personally and professionally as we all know. >> absolutely. >> by providing this kind of service. >> it's a calling. for me it was a calling after the loss of my husband working with the living/dying project. and what a recognized in myself during the second year of grief was that i had a sensation in my body that i could not identify and it became a personal quest of an understanding how to love him and reassign him a place in my life and heart and learn to take care of me. this is one of the most commonly asked questions. what can i do with this

feeling? how long will it last? and one of my main premises is to meet each individual where they're at. >> and to be able to tell individuals as we know so often from the participates at our grief camp. i have an extensive private practice focused on grief work. it is -- people say i don't want to forget. i don't want to get over this. i don't think i ever will. and my response is, it's true. you never will. you find a way to manage the feelings. you find a way to move on with the feelings. it's not about for getting. i don't like the word resolving. it's not about getting over something. it's about learning to live with in a way like that. >> i totally agree with that. >> we'll say a quick break from this conversation. before we do we'll let folks know on november 8th, we're honored to have lynn a presenter at a special morning

conference called the caregiver's quest for healing. it's for people that work professionally in the field for grief. that is tuesday, november 8th from 8:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. at the gate club and cosponsored by the an area jewish healing center and the simon memorial chapel. if you would like more information, you can call that number on the screen.

how you doing? my name is steve. my family's lived in this neighborhood for years. recently, things got so tight we had to go to our local food bank for help. i lost a lot of sleep worrying about what the neighbors might think. that is, until i saw them there, too. how'd i do, steve? a little stiff. you could have done a little better. what? come on. you know, i have an academy award. yeah, but not for playing me. announcer: play a role in ending hunger. visit feedingamerica.org/hunger and find your local food bank.

this is a conference intended specific little for name work professionally in the

field of grief. if you would like to attend, please give them a call. welcome back to mosaic. i'm honor dollars to be your host this morning. we're in the midst of a fascinating conversation about grief with my two guests. welcome back. we were talking about the way in which grief is a universal, human experience, that really is a human experience. and in a lot of ways it naturally stimulates spiritual reflection and we've been talking about all the different caused in which the field of grief is expanded to be much more broadly understood within a communitial framework.

-- communal framework. but i'm struck by this pair pair box, and -- pair box, and par box, and i'm sure you do to, when we talk about the death of a father, mother, grandparent or spouse, we think, me? how come i'm in grief? as if we don't recognize what grief s and thing that it's a fascinating kind of a phenomenon when we don't realize that grief is a normal step for loss. , it's not just when we come to the point in which a loved one literally has died. >> i'm glad you brought to us that, it's one of the things that i talked about earlier. grief happens after any loss.

as i remember ease list beth cooper ross, when we both worked, people go through the same grief experience if they lose their keys. people go through a grief experience whether they experience loss. what is different is that when it's the loss of a human, the death of someone, that we react it may be a deeper more intense trojecttory to grow from. but i like the idea of expanding it into all sorts of losses because grief does follow everything that we lose. >> i'd like to comment. i wear the breast cancer pin. i lost my sister nine years ago and my husband 27 years ago. i look at grief in terms of a time of degrees. that the loss of a keys or the loss of a favorite necklace has a certain degree of grief. if i can replace it and it has

no sentimental value, then this is a moment in time. if it is the ring that my sister left for me, but the loss of a husband or mate are child, the degree or impact of the grief is much more profound. i see grief and accumulation and see it accumulate in the body and people are often confused. so this melting pot of many different cultures, we don't have what would be considered a ritual are national ritual like mexico has the day of the dead, november 1st and november 2nd. i assist people in creating rituals that are meaning --

meaningful for them for them to recognize there's been a change. i see all loss as the loss of the familiar. >> continuing explains why some people mayor wise feel that they -- otherwise feel that they lost somebody or they loss their pet or job. and they say i don't understand why i can't stop about my father who died eight months ago when all that happened was i lost my keys. so i think that the flip side of it we're coming to a greater awareness of integrating loss triggers in ways in which grief is stimulated on deeper level as along the way based on regular life experience, like losing keys. >> and grief is a series of

bullying blocks. -- building blocks. even if the person had the death in the family as young age but gets through and moves on and becomes transformed, later it all comes back. inside our heads, we do not have a timeline. inside our emotions we do not have a timeline. we see that. >> 10 we'll take another quick break and put a comma in the conversation. but we'll talk about in a moment and reresume this wonderful conversation about grief with you on mosaic.

welcome back to mosaic. i have any two guests here to talk about grief. i should say that we do a lot of work together in terms of advertising with the bay area jewish healing center and the simon memorial chapel. let's jump in and ask you about what you intend to do at the mourning conference on november 8th to give people and understanding and to be clear it's for folk that are professionally in the field of greece, so if they are a -- grief, so if they are a therapist or clergy or volunteer in their church or synagogue that works with people and members of a church that are in grief, that this is a conference for them, making a distinct from a conference for people who themselves are in grief. this conference is for people

that work with folks that under grief. >> yes. one of the things i have known about myself when i've experienced loss, there's a little voice that said, you are a professional. do you not know how to work with this in the bottom line is i'm a human before a professional. and loss impacts me like it impacts any other human and uniquely according to who i am. this conference will normalize that particular point of view in the field that grief counselors experience their own grief, go through their own process. and because grief is cumulative and because we are in empathetic communicate, we experience the feelings of grief, that care of the body to maintain a skill and excellence in service to others so while

do is teach at berkley, i teach body workers how to deal with grieving individuals, normalizing grief and reviewing parts and pieces that we've all learned to do the work and the training within the training. each person will get to ask themselves, where do i feel my grief. what are the losses that i've experienced. how does that influence influence my mind and my body? >> we have a minute left before we need to say good-bye. can we say in a moment who somebody comes will get and what they'll be able to do for somebody grief? >> they'll have a personal experience of being in a group of like mind humanity of other professionals. they will receive a resource booklet. i will give resources of books and integrative therapies. and i define degrieving as

integrated grief therapy because it explains itself. it's about meeting each person where they're at as a private citizen in the boat. thank you very much for this wonderful conversation. i'll put a comma in the conversation and encourage to you continue it yourselves. thank you very much for being with us on mosaic.