good morning. welcome to mosaic. as you know this is black history month. it's also the valentine's weekend. i've invited two couples who are friends of mine. they were here last year at this time. they are still married. i welcome again, cocoam o', n and aisha. we wanted to talk a little bit about what you do. you do healing throughout west oakland but you're known throughout the east bay. tell us a little bit about that. >> the work is -- two the

application of spiritual -- about 30 years ago, and the way we do it is through a multiplicity of programming. for example, we have drumming, and drumming is a way for collaboration and communication, and leadership. also now we have it in schools where the kids are using drumming as a way of bringing about balance and e quill equilibrium. every year for the past 50 years we host reading and sound worship for people to come and learn tow to apply the forces, that is who we are as humans and a lot of time we take it for granted. for example our inner drum, which is our heart, we get into

feel mode, the the heart immediately pap pates and send messages. as well as when we are happy the heart immediately sends out to all systems of the body that this is the essence of who we are. >> and the drumming kind of calms that. i love your drumming at the beginning of martin luther king services. we probably had a different kind of opening. your drumming is known throughout the bay area, and aisha your contribution not only to dr. king but to the attitude of healing you've done. >> the attitude of healing connection is really like a community center and our whole entire focus is to utilize creative process to eliminate violence and fear, and we define racism, poverty and violence as life-threatening illnesses. >> and that's one of your books

right. >> 1212 spiritual keys to racial healing and we talk about race relationships and as i shared with you before, we're in a mixed marriage. kokom o', in, is an philadelphia and -- is an african and i'm an american. many times people don't see those differences, but the differences are inside, how we speak, our language, our cultures, and how we do thing. healing is a wonderful process for young people. we utilize attitude through healing, we do leadership training. we bring together -- we trained about almost 80 people a month in leaderships in core values and looking at the rules and regulations and also looking at ways that they can become a good neighbor. >> why are you guys focused on fear, is that one of the main emotions that control us or? >> well, you know, really it's the opposite of love.

>> okay. and when you -- love is a force that brings people together and helps people to bring -- it could bring lovers together. it could bring communities together. it can bring families together, and fear is an emotion that can separate and divide, and usually when we get afraid we separate. so the more that we can really see that these two emotions were constantly fluctuating between those two emotions, the more we can begin utilizing love and look at ways we can become love finders. >> dr. king talked about the hatred -- love is not hatred but fear or apathy even. we're going to talk more about that with both of you in terms of relationships, in terms of black history. we want to hear more about what you're about and focus on our theme in the next segment. so please join us with kokomon

and aisha cotley.

welcome back to mosaic. let's talk about the blast history. you had mentioned earlier of davis' book. is that one of your person that you see. >> vella davis is annie an icon. i love her. when you read her book, you can see the histor cool process from the 60s and how we've grown and also how we've not grown. black history month is so important because we have 65 days but i think when we started looking at how the multiculture, how this country has always been multicultural and one of my favorite people is benjamin banaker, he wrote in his almanac, and his almanac

was popular among thomas jefferson, george washington. >> the inventor. >> yes, he was an astronomer, and also he helped to -- his memory was so fantastic. he worked with the french architect to design washington and when the relationship -- everything is relationships. when the relationship between george washington and the french architect fell apart, he left the country with the designs, benjamin banaker had memorized all these designs and was able to ease and help george washington relax. >> that's a part of history i think we don't know. >> and so he could -- he reconstructed the whole design from memory. but the other beautiful thing was in his almanac in 1792 it was before the united states had the department of war, he wrote about the united states encouraging the united states

to create a department of peace. and dr. benjamin rush who was a friend of his also took this and wrote a bill that the united states should have a department of peace and put it on the floor of washington in congress in 1793. can you imagine, and it was like what happened is instead of the united states creating a department of peace. they created a department of war. >> of war and defense and so forth. >> yeah, and so it's never really evolved and even right today, he rewrote the law every 20 or 30 years. someone find it and redo it and address it and bring it back to the floor. >> kokomon coming from ghana, what is your perspective on blast history? who are some of your heros. >> the way my people feel of this is for us to remember those who came before us, our

ancestors, and it's not just public figures but our grandparents, great grandparents that because of them we are here today, that we're standing on their shoulders. for us to remember their values because the love they have for us is eternal. that's the wisdom from my people is that once you are born into the family, your relationship into the tribe and the community is forever. it's eternal. so a month like black history month is a month of opportunity for us if any at all for us to remember the values and the love that those who came before us gave us, that because of that we are doing what, you know, doing our dance and talking and going to school and eating and having all that fun. >> it's wonderful things you've said. you've talked about the mixed marriage.

>> yes. and in the mixed marriage, what are some of the things? you know there's not probably an absolute prescription for any relationship, but are some qualities or some ways of relating that are helpful that you might say that might be helpful to those who are listening. >> those who are listening, one thing that i always said to them, is that at all times surrender to the philly side because this is very very important because once foundation for people to remember is communication, and a lot of times we get into, at least my fears in this culture is that there's male domination, that the male want to be in charge, want to control everything, but the feminine power, you know, we have to, you know, open the door for the feminine power to

also come and shine, and the best way to do it is just to surrender, a complete surrendering. >> now aisha didn't tell you to say that did she? >> okay. it i think the most important core values that a couple can have is the art of listening to each other and to really create a time where, you know, if there is a conflict that each person agree that listening that they will allow -- they will not try to talk while the other party is talking. communication is critical in a relationship. it's critical in an intimate relationship. it's critical in a family relationship, and it's critical in a community relationship and in a nation. >> absolutely. >> you can see that played out on the stage in washington where people have a different time in the different parties listening and communication. >> i remember scott pick in the road less travels if you don't listen you don't love another

person. listening as you say is really really -- >> and i think love is the capacity to decrease the gap between separation. the more that we can decrease this gap that we're separate the more that we can love each other, and i think fear expands that gap and i think as a couple i think it's important because we have very -- we're very different. >> mm-hmm. kokomon has his dietary laws, i have mine, which are grounded -- rooted in the american culture. his is rooted in the ganaen culture. we have to compromise. i can't just always make american food so i make ganaen dishes too and he also cooks too. food is a way we sit down in a marriage. >> no wonder you surrender when you have that kind of food. we have just a few seconds left and you guys hit on some key points, listening, being able

to compromise, being able to understand each other. anything else before we go out? >> we and people to come and visit, do a side visit. >> yes. >> where is in west oakland,. >> 7278 west street. >> on the corner of 33rd and west street. our web site is www.ahc- oakland.org. and you can also view the gallery of the children's art work. the children superheros. >> thank you for coming back this year. you guys are great. >> thank you. >> my prayers and blessings are with you. >> thank you so much for being here, and happy valentine's day. >> amen. thank you. >> thank you very much. joining us in the next segment is pastor douglas fitch and angel fitch will be with us for sunday afternoon fellowship. they were here with us last year also.

welcome back, i'm ron wisher. it's been a joy to host this show this morning. i invite my food friends douglas and angelie. >> we feel like we're regulars. how many times have web on this show. >> good to have a friend in high places. >> your sunday afternoon fellowship so exciting. it's been going on three years now. tell us about that. >> yes, going on three years, and we're seeing small growth but growth nevertheless, and one of the key features of sunday afternoon fellowship is that it's at 2:30 in the afternoon first and third sundays. now i did not believe at first that we could even get visitors, but we average something like between 5 and 7 visitors every time we have services. >> that's true. i've been there many times. sometimes 10 or 15. >> right. and so instead of not being able to attract people at that

time, the data says we can, and i feel good about that, and the people who are coming do represent all cultures, all religious traditions, and that makes it just marvelous. >> first and third sunday. franklin and gary unitarian church there. >> 2:30 in the afternoon. >> 2:30 to 3:30. >> what is the philosophy? you mentioned it earlier to me. >> well, primarily two things i want to hold intention for us. one, we believe that every individual is sacred, just by the fact that you exist. there is life in you. that means that you are sacred. you're divine. you're hoe little. >> that's right. >> and in addition our second real belief is all belief systems are relative. all beliefs. that means atheists can be a part as well as christians,

jews, buddhist, muslims. >> everybody's sacred. >> everybody's sacred. all beliefs are relative. one's as good as the other. the real issue is does that belief system have value for you. does it have meaning, does it give you purpose. and a good question to and yourself at any time if i did not have these belief systems what would my life be like? >> i see. i see. that's great. the singer, katy perry says you're a firework so let your light shine. >> ly your light shine. >> right. >> angeline. do you agree with aisha. no, it was kokomon who said surrender. >> yes. i say first surrender to me and then surrender to your own inner feminine, yes, yes i do believe that. >> newscast good. >> and just to take you back on what douglas was saying about sunday afternoon fellowship. i mean this is our third year. can you believe it. it's our third year and we're really sustaining ourselves. our choir is growing, and we have lot of new people coming,

and so we just -- we feel so blessed to be -- >> you have a choir director now too don't you. >> yes, we do. brennan bush. he's doing a great job. >> i've always enjoyed the singing, the band and so forth. >> let's take you talked about your history, black history, you experienced it. what are some of the people that stand out for you? >> at one time i might have given you a different name, but at this present juncture in my life, howard thurman stands out. a profound gentleman who was at boston university. i think he was the first african-american to really be the dean of a chapel. >> that's right. >> and not only a good thinker, but a speaker beyond reproach. he had a style that was unique, and he could engage you. he could inspire you.

and his language was so fluid, and so deep. it just grabbed every piece of your being. he is now my hero. >> okay. okay. you know there's dozens of people who have gotten their doctorates on his theology. >> i can believe it. >> he's amazing. one of my favorite sayings isings, i used it in the dr. king address. it's put a saddle on your dreams before you ride it. >> he's a great mystic, and he helps me to get in touch with that essential essence of my being which is always spiritual for all of us. it's spiritual, and he zeros in right away. >> last year i talked about the marriages when you were here. there's the three marriages, you're married to your work, you're married to each other, you're married to yourself. how do you see that now looking back at that? >> was that a number 1, 2, 3? which one? it's all mixed in. >> it's kind of all mixed in

probably. >> yes, yes, you're asking this about sort of like our marriage and. >> right, how -- as i said to aisha and kokomon there's no absolute prescription for anyone. every couple is different. but there's some insights that couples give that might help others. >> i don't know. we were just talking about this yesterday. there are some couples that we know that are very competitive with each other, which, you know, it's not a good thing or a bad thing, but for both of us and i think i mentioned this on your show last year, we're very, very independent. >> right, i remember that. >> we're together all the time, but we're not competitive with each other. for example, douglas doesn't mind it if i bring home the bacon and make all the money. as an attorney, you know, he wanted me to make money. >> thank you, thank you. >> let me bring this up though. you're avid tennis players now. do you compete against each other? >> no, there is no competition. first of all douglas is a much -- a far better tennis player than i am.

when we're playing singles it's alms six love six love six love and you know who's got the love. we actually play mixed doubles together. >> you've done real well in that i understand. >> oh, yes. one of the things that comes to me around the relationship, marriage piece is that we really do have a mixed marriage. >> oh, yes. >> that is in a day and we congratulate same-sex marriages. >> very important. >> we are male and female marriage sox we are so we are a mixed marriage and now we also african-american backgrounds so our cultures are relatively different, and is profound. >> we're going to come back to that. this is exciting. please join us on mosaic here. douglas and angelie.

i hope you've been with us here on jose quick. it's been outstanding and exciting listening to the couples this morning. tell us a little more about sunday afternoon fellowship. i know you believe in so much what they're doing there. >> we are -- we're doing a forum every quarter now, and the fact is that you were a member of our first forum. >> the panel, yeah. >> the panel on accomplishing more with the last -- that was mark lesser and then you and. >> that was the purposeful life. >> yeah, the purposeful life, and he brought up that, and the fact is sunday afternoon fellowship is now taking larger strides. we were primarily confined to ourselves but now we're seeing ourselves bloom and blossom and we're trying to stretch ourselves a little more, so every quarter we will have a forum and a form around different ideas, different

things so that those who are the -- can experience and share ideas that were usually foreign to just one culture, one religious tradition. >> and here's something that we didn't have last year, so you know, sunday afternoon fellowship is within the unitarian church, and within that church there's a lutheran group that worships on sunday. there's an inside buddhist group. what we're doing now is we are creating an interfaith community, and we had our first kind of interfaith service i think it was two or three months ago, in bridging all the community -- bringing all the communities together. first it start off as just meet your neighbor within the church, but now we're talking about would it be possible to have some sort of maybe spiritual center, something that where all communities can come together. we're still sort of in the thought process about it, but that's something that's very new and i don't know if there are any spiritual communities

in the bay area that are quite doing that. but actually worshiping or celebrating together. >> that's very rich. we have just a few minutes left and i want to go back to the relationships. both of us probably have married many many couples over the years and i don't know if angelie has helped in counseling, precounselling or anything like that. what are some of the things you might say to a couple? >> one of the things that is foremost for us and i would share with couples is that we have to learn to listen not just with our mind but with our hearts. we have to see with -- we have to see with our hearts, listen with our hearts because then we make ourselves vulnerable. you can keep it in your head, in your mind and never become vulnerable but taking it to your heart is a different relationship altogether. >> wow. would you add to that angelie. >> yes, exactly, because sometimes when you're listening to somebody with your mind, you're just hearing words and

you're not really being open. i think that most of our communication is nonverbal, so i would agree. that's a very inner feminine thing for you to say. >> you helped me. >> went into our feminine side. >> that's why i married him. >> let's not overlook the fact that he's surrendering, you also have a profession. >> what do you do. >> i'm a criminal defense attorney. you know where 850 bryant street is here? san francisco, the hall of justice, my office is moving to right across the street, 877 bryant street and you know when i was listening to aisha talking about racial healing and all of that and the love and fear. in the criminal justice system i have not seen love. i've seen nothing but fear. so there's a lot of changes going on. we have a new district attorney, former police chief, a lot of exciting things, douglas my husband is in the middle of it all. he's still my unpaid

assistant/paralegal. >> thanks again for being here. we might invite you back next year too. >> can you, please. >> we want to have an unbroken stream. >> yes. >> thank you for joining us. i'm ron swisher and this has been mosaic. black history month, valentine's weekend, faith hope and love, the greatest is love. lesson to you all. [ male announcer ] pillsbury grands biscuits.

delicious, but say i press a few out flat, add some beef, sloppy joe sauce and cheese, fold it all up and boom! delicious unsloppy joes perfect for a school night. pillsbury grands biscuits. make dinner pop. so i should probably get the last roll... yeah but i practiced my bassoon. [ mom ] and i listened. [ brother ] i can do this. [ imitates robot ] everyone deserves ooey, gooey, pillsbury cinnamon rolls. make the weekend pop.

welcome to buy sunday. i'm your host frank mallicoat. we begin with your pitch. go to our facebook page, facebook.com/bay sunday comment on the page and hopefully we can get in touch. our first show of the new year. we're going to kick it off with elevate oakland's huge benefit concert about the connection of music and academic success in our schools and using music and the arts to open doors for disadvantaged kids. and i have heavy hitters coming out to play this weekend. let's welcome legendary musician sheila e and grammy award winner michael fronte. >> welcome you guys. >> good to have you