's the only pill of its kind that blocks cgrp - and is approved to prevent migraine of any frequency. to help give you that forget-you-get migraine feeling. don't take if allergic to qulipta®. most common side effects are nausea, constipation, and sleepiness. learn how abbvie could help you save. qulipta®. the forget-you-get migraine medicine™. (upbeat music) good morning and welcome to "mosaic". i am rabbi eric weiss and i am proud to be your host this morning. we would like to invite you into a serious conversation about domestic violence and in particular domestic violence in the jewish community. i would like to introduce you to naomi tucker who is the executive director and the

youth program coordinator. welcome to you both. >> good morning. >> let's jump in and talk about what this is and why is domestic violence such an important topic of conversation general in our culture but in particular in our jewish community. >> the start of 24 years ago although the was the best domestic violence movement in the united states we notice that jewish women were not accessing services and in the jewish community people were not talking about the issue and really, bought into the myth that the jewish community does not suffer from those problems. we knew from domestic violence statistics that that is not true and one in four women and their adult lifetime may be a victim of domestic violence regardless of their ethnic background or religion or

where they live in the world. we wanted to figure out how we could get the message to the women and help them and that is why we started a program specifically in our faith and cultural community to be able to talk about the issue and breakthrough the denial about abuse and our community and be able to have a communal conversation to make it safe for women to come forward and get help. >> we are going to talk about a youth program . but you have a unique aspect and it began, it began as a women's collective in the east bay. since you are the founding director, talk about the history . that is vast but in a couple of sentences. >> we started around a kitchen table and foster city. where i was working at a battered women's shelter and not seeing

jewish women come forward and we worked as an all volunteer group and moved to san francisco in the early 1990s, just started by going to jewish community groups and synagogues and talking about the issue to anyone who would listen. eventually, so many women were coming to us for help and so many jewish groups wanted us to come and speak , we had too much business. unfortunately. to be a collective. about eight years into the organization, we actually look for funding and hired professional staff and opened our main office which is based in the east bay and we have both east and west bay offices and we provide services in all nine counties to jewish and non-jewish women who are survivors of domestic violence. and i would love to talk about the youth program. in addition

to helping women who are in abusive relationships, we want to teach young people the skills to not have to become clients in the first place. 2002 we started a program. and the third program is the community outreach and education which is about engaging the community in a broader response to domestic violence and providing training and education so everyone can be on lord with the societal changes that need to happen to create a world where we don't have intimate partner violence at home. >> what a beautiful segway to what you do at shalom bayit. >> why it is so well received is you ask why it is an important issue and why are people bringing us in ? one thing i say when i start my educational workshops is because we know one in four women in their lifetime will be affected by domestic violence, that means all of us are affected. even if i am not that one in four, i will no one of these women. my work, the

name of the program, we work with middle school students starting as young as sixth-grade talking with them about what it looks like and what it means to have a healthy friendship and what it means to be a good friend. we know understanding friendships and a healthy dynamic and what that looks like, absolutely impacts few data relationships and we work with high school students, college students, parents and educators and teaching them how to recognize what is domestic violence and how to prevent it and support a friend . one of my main passions is teaching about healthy boundaries. we have to understand the lines we are not okay with , is an extremely important part of preventing abusive relationships . being able to recognize those subtle types of abuse that often start early in a relationship. but if we have not learned the warning signs and the tools we may not recognize the relationship until we are further into it and it is much harder to leave a relationship at that point. >> we will take a quick break

and come back to "mosaic". please return to this important conversation about domestic violence.

good morning and welcome back to "mosaic". i am rabbi eric weiss and honored to be your host . we started a wonderful and serious conversation about domestic violence in general and domestic violence in particular in the jewish community. we would like to reintroduce you to naomi do -- tucker. shalom bayit is a hebrew phrase that means, peace in the home. within a jewish cultural context it is a kind of play, if we can use that word, on the importance of a jewish value we have in general, in that way using that particular jewish value to apply it to the issues of domestic violence within jewish families. >> it is really our vision that every woman and child have a right to have peace in their own home and that is a basic foundation of any healthy community . to be safe in your own home. >> naomi, what have you seen over the years in terms of

community changes in response, changes in community impact. changes in the ways in which the community perceives this issue and is willing to talk about this issue? >> there has been an enormous change . in the beginning when we started, no one would talk about domestic violence in the jewish community. now, the jewish community here in the san francisco bay area is very much aware of the assistance of domestic violence, people don't question as much and that makes it much safer for women to come forward. when they turn to a friend or clergy person or a teacher to get help, that person is much more likely to believe them and connect them to supportive environments. we have an active 80 member rabbinic advisory council with so many clergy , who are supporting our work in many ways including speaking about it publicly within their congregations. that changes

the communal conversation about how we think about domestic violence and makes it possible for us to both change behaviors and also encourage women to come forward, if they need help. i think that the community response has completely shifted over time. and my hope is that if that keeps going in that direction someday we will live in a world where people are safe in their own homes. >> whenever we talk about an important issue like domestic violence, there is such an important aspect , the aspect of impact in education that has to pay attention to the sensitivity of particular cultural frames. i wonder in your work with youth, what are the cultural jewish value frames that you pay attention to, in this way with domestic violence. >> one of the things that makes our work unique is looking at, how can we take our jewish values and traditions and use it toward healing in a women's program as well as prevention. one of the pieces i do with use -- with the youth is

taking ancient text even from the torah and bible and looking at how can this text apply to our day to day life interactions. the ideal that we are all created in god's image. each person deserves to be treated equally. and getting youth to think about, how can i take this text and how it applies to my relationships today with friends and peers and romantic relationships and that is a big purse -- piece of our work. >> when you use the word text, you referred to an excerpt from the bible or an excerpt from other jewish sacred texts like the talmud or -- >> exactly. into jewish scholars. one of my favorites

talking about the golden rule is one of his famous quotes in talking about the entire torah is all about how we should treat each other equally. the rest is just commentary. go and learn. he says the core jewish value is that we are all deserved to be treated equally. >> can you talk a little bit about how you see changes in the youth that you work with? >> one of the tangible , the places where i really see changes when i have the opportunity to work with youth over the years. for example, often i will reach students in sixth grade into a follow-up program in seventh grade, eighth grade and in high school. i have teens come up to me afterwards and say, because of your workshop i realize the relationship i was in was not healthy and i was able to get out of it. i am supporting my peers and having healthy relationships. those are the moments i go, yes, this is the work i am meant to be doing. >> you remind me how important self reflective work is. i wonder for the youth you work with who come to the self reflective in sight , do you have a sense of how the active self reflection affects them in other parts of their life outside of , the range of domestic violence and healthy relationship issues? >> i think giving young people

the opportunity to learn skills like how to communicate , how to have difficult conversations . how to be uncomfortable and get through it. our skills and tools they will use in all parts of their life . i was a to teens, math is very important and sometimes you don't realize how you use it day today. just like healthy relationships . even though we are focusing on pure relationships, intimate relationships, i use the skills i teach in my relationships at work , talking with people on the street. this work applies to so many different parts of our lives. i see it beneficial to youth. in all parts of their life. >> what you are saying i think is so important because there are so many aspects of human life we must focus on a particular aspect and ultimately come to understand from that, what the holistic, more universal issues are, as they apply to a healthy life style, no matter what people are dealing with in particular. >> right. domestic violence is

really about power and control and one person maintaining that control systematically in a relationship. we teach people the tools to prevent abuse in their lives, we are actually teaching them the tools to empower themselves. and to have autonomy in their lives and to value independence and to not allow themselves to be controlled by another person. similarly, we are teaching young people the value of how they have skills in a relationship to not do that to harm someone else also. and those are skills that we absolutely can apply in our lives to be happy or healthy human beings. there are other issues that are related. while we are out doing prevention work with youth around dating violence, we are giving them the tools to prevent sexual assault and child abuse and other kinds of issues that might come up in their lives because they are the same basic tools. we think that is

important in terms of preventing all kinds of abuse. >> thank you so much . we will take another quick break. we will say goodbye and welcome another guest from shalom bayit, when we turn with -- return with "mosaic". people are always asking me two words come to mind for me. one is responsibility,

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good morning and welcome back to mosaic. we are in the middle of a important conversation about domestic violence and domestic violence in particular in the jewish community. i would like to reintroduce you to tammy tucker who is the founding executive director of shalom bayit. in introduce you to sarah who is the coordinator of counseling services at shalom bayit. >> thank you. >> sarah, can you let us know who calls shalom bayit and what a coordinator of counseling services does? >> absolutely. we get calls from a wide variety of mostly women. there are some male victims of domestic violence , as well. statistics show us the vast majority are women. women call us, whether they are in an abusive relationship, thinking about getting out or sometimes they have been out of a relationship for years and are processing the trauma and needing support because of some of the repercussions . whether financial or related to other legal issues in the lives.

most of the women the colors are jewish but we serve women from all faith communities and women who are not affiliated religiously. some of the women who call us have children and are looking for help for their whole family and others are single individuals. we see people from all over socio-economic status and from all over the bay area. >> you mentioned children. can you talk about what you see from your perspective, about the impact of domestic violence , in particular on children . >> children are really impacted by domestic violence actually, women site the number one reason they leave an abusive relationship is for the sake of their children's well-being. it is also the number one reason children choose to stay. because they really want their children to have two parents and they believe they are doing the best for the children. but what studies show is that children have, especially when they are young and learning so much about the world , it can

be very dangerous to be in an environment where what is taught is that your trust can be violated and someone that loves you can also hurt you. to be under the level of chronic stress to have that level of fighting in the home. it is a sad story for children but also the good news is that children are incredibly resilient. they have model to them that their parent is leaving and no longer tolerate the abuse and usually mom gets help and often the children need therapy , they can heal and they can learn that violence is not a normal thing in a relationship . they are young enough and their brains are absorbing new information. it is a great time to focus on intervening and helping the whole family unit. >> we live in a part of the bay area with a vast diversity . does shalom bayit provide services, no matter the profile of the abuser? >> yes. i guess i am wondering what you mean about the profile. >> sometimes domestic violence with same-sex relationship or

with a relationship , with somebody who may or may not literally be a married partner or even a domestic partner. and abuser can be a member of one's family across the lord or and abuser can be a friend or some other adult in one's life. >> we primarily focus on intimate partner indicate dating, married, having a child together, having once dated, having once been married. we will provide support and some counseling or direction for anyone who was calling is about abuse in any form from anyone in their family unit or their community. we are very lgbtq friendly. we have a diverse staff and open to different ethnic groups only speak couple different languages on our staff. we try to be welcoming for anyone who calls. >> we need to take a quick break but, can you talk briefly about what i think is naturally on people's minds when they hear about the

service like shalom bayit and domestic violence, which is the fee structure. >> all our services are free and that is incredibly important . battered women often don't have access to finances, even if they have a job. there abuser is probably controlling the income. financial control , just like physical violence or emotional abuse or other forms of isolation is a common part of the pattern of abuse and it is extremely important that finances not be a barrier for women getting services. women can come to us and all our services are free and they can no that they can get whatever help they need for as long as they need and we will walk with them all the way. >> naomi and sarah we will take another quick break, and return to "mosaic" and just a moment.

good morning and welcome back to mosaic. i am rabbi eric weiss . we are entering a really important and lovely conversation about domestic violence and domestic violence in particular in the jewish community. i would like to reintroduce you to tammy tucker. the founding director of shalom bayit. in the

coordinator of counseling services. welcome back. sarah, can you talk about the concrete services that shalom bayit divides people? >> the first service we provide is phone counseling line. it is not a 24 hour hotline but during business hours we try as hard as we can to answer the phone . and anyone answering the phone can provide guidance, emotional support, and some kind of concrete planning for next steps when someone is calling us. two of our main counseling programs are really lovely. we have support services in the east bay and throughout the rest of the bay area on a rotating basis. support groups are chance for women who have been abused to come together and feel they are less alone in some of the shame and secrecy is broken down. we have women in those groups who have experience the very bad physical violence. women who have had financial abuse. women who have had verbal and psychological abuse

and they get together and work on healing. after individual counseling focused around trauma and healing from the abuse. and navigating spirituality within a jewish lens after something atrocious like this has happened. and the other services we provide are run navigating systems . sometimes women have to go to court, they have to file police reports, they need to get in public benefits if they have lost a lot of income. i am available as a social worker to help navigating those systems. and we are lucky enough to have some capability to provide small grants of financial assistance for women who need money to start fresh . to heal from their abuse. >> you remind us that domestic violence is more than physical contact. it is more than hitting. >> i hear from a lot of women that it is not really that bad or i am not sure i count as a domestic violence victim because he only hit me once. that is really sad that that is a stereotype of what domestic violence is and who a victim is. domestic violence is so

much more. it is exerting power and control over someone. if you don't need to hit that person to control them, they may never actually hit you but it is an abusive relationship. >> can you talk a little bit about the issues of confidentiality and the exquisite ways in which shalom bayit works in that way? among the many, many barriers for folks to call shalom bayit or any domestic violence help structure, is the degree to which somebody can feel they will not get suddenly a return phone call that might alert somebody to what they have done. people have a very reasonable concern about confidentiality and those kinds of issues. can you talk a little bit about that piece of it from the shalom bayit perspective? >> confidentiality and safety are incredibly important to us. we ask what women's names are or what their names are, no one ever has to provide a name if they don't feel comfortable with that. when we ask for

phone numbers, in case we are returning a phone call, we ask is it safe to call you. is it safe to leave a message and say who we are or would you like us to say something else. perhaps recalling with a medicine refill. >> we have just one a minute left. i would wonder if you would like to add to what sarah said, but i would like to know what you would say about any individual might do to support this issue in general. >> in the state of california, all domestic violence programs are protected under statewide confidentiality laws . women should know that we don't give out their names or information to anyone else including law enforcement . and that is really important for people to feel safe to call. i think it is important for the community to know that what each person does matters in helping us to stop domestic violence in our society. a few things that

people can do are to listen and support and believe someone who tells you they are being abused and connect them to services for help. talk to our kids. talk about how to have healthy friendships. that starts as soon as our kids can talk and that is important throughout their lifetime so they learn the skills to have healthy relationships . >> thank you. we need to put a comment in the conversation, there is so much more to talk about. take this issue seriously and talk among yourselves and thank you so much for being with us on "mosaic" .

from cbs news bay area, this is the morning edition . this morning, conflict continues with attacks from air, land and sea and israel's prime minister predicts it will be a long and difficult campaign. thousands of demonstrators shut down san francisco's central freeway. to demand a cease-fire in gaza and increased aid for innocent palestinians trapped in the middle.