tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS January 27, 2025 11:35pm-12:37am PST
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now i got the sweaty soft foot smell and like once in a while i actually get this like very fleeting thin pleasant floral smell. >> i think it smells like something growing actually in the earth and i do think it smells rotten, but more like rotting food almost, yeah. >> okay. so it smells like something growing in the earth. >> you don't say? >> it's a flower. >> yeah. it is expected to bloom again in three to five years. >> lucky them. >> wow. plenty of time to plan that next one. >> so many enchanting odors in new york to begin with. just add one more to the list. >> oh, the whiff of street garbage not properly
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♪ ♪ the trump administration asking administration to snitch on workers. they have ten days to report colleagues who are trying to if workers don't comply they will face adverse consequences. >> do you suspect your colleagues of fostering equitable practices? there is something you can do. if you see something, squealed something. operators are standing by and waiting on you to snitch. don't get too comfortable because britney is doing her part. be vigilant. the snitch on your coworkers. better yet, snitch on yourself. >> thank you.
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>> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcome chris hayes. and a performance by nicole sure singer from sunset boulevard. now, live on tape on the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it is stephen colbert. stephen cook please have us be my friend. welcome to the late show. there is a huge news.
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there is huge news on eating dip with your dad's friend. the super bowl matchup is that. it is the eagles facing the chief. eagles versus the chief. travis kelce versus whoever plays travis kelce on the eagles. brad largeman. and his pop star girlfriend tonya velocity. the chiefs will not one but this is more challenging. all of the players have to rush to their game after their day shift at state farm. after philadelphia, this is yesterday afternoon.
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eagles fan demonstrated dignified horsemanship by filing out of the stadium. they celebrated with close range fireworks, surfed a cop car and climbed a bunch of greased up light poles. it is a sacred billy tradition that goes back to when ben franklin shimmied onto a lubed up liberty bell. it has been one week since trump took office and there have already been big surprises. i did not know a week could last ten years. as far as the awful stuff he has been doing, i don't like it and you don't like it.
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that's just what the maga folks really like about it. for instance, even though trump is threatening to withhold disaster aid from california, his visit got a ringing endorsement from mel gibson. mentally ill max went on the tv and said this. i am glad trump is here at the moment. you know, it is like daddy arrived and he is taking his beltoff. stephen says okay, weird to get like that about an abusive father but we know this about mel gibson and it explains this scene. >> sons of scotland, i am william wallace. daddy's home and he is taking off his belt. >> i am sorry, what? >> he is going to be able to see his face in our swollen ass
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cheeks. >> did hr read this speech? [applause] do you have some cocaine?" when you think about it, this whole weird daddy thing is maga acting like a younger brother who can't wait for father to whip their siblings for supporting diversity initiatives. earlier this month, a trump-loving rapper put out a viral song called "daddy's
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home". eagle-eyed viewers may have also noticed that this video has a cameo from former television star roseanne barr. cuz nothing says hip hop like a retired tv mom. who can forget when flo-rida released his collab with flo-rence henderson daddy donny is keeping his promise to round up immigrants in order to save the dogs that weren't being eaten from imaginary mexican hannibal lecter. over the weekend, his administration launched a nationwide immigration enforcement blitz. really? blitz, short for blitzkreig? just once, can we do "fun" german stuff? i'd like to see a headline that says, trump administration launches nationwide strudel. so far, these roundups are going
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after some of the same folks biden did. but unlike biden, trump's doing it in a way that pisses off our allies. cuz yesterday, the president of colombia refused to let a military transport filled with handcuffed migrants land in his country. so trump posted, emergency 25% tariffs on all colombian goods coming into the united states. to which don jr said: "wait, not everything from colombia?!" [laughter] the state department followed up with a document outlining the tariffs. only problem: the document said
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they sanctioned columbia, not colombia that is going to anger the residents of colombia, not to mention their neighbors acuador, peenama and vuvuzela. this is less than good, because closest ally in the region for decades. yes, closer than brazil, argentina, or chile. even closer than chili's too. and they have a consulate in every airport. the tariff threats worked. colombia agreed to let future deportation planes land, but the feud had a real world effect because coffee prices hit a record level. oh no. well, if americans can't afford coffee, we're going to have to change all the mugs to don't
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talk to me. [laughter] trump is also threatening the nation that's historically been closest to the united states: the united states. because late friday night, he went after the government's independent watchdogs, ordering a mass firing to remove 18 independent inspectors general at a series of agencies. inspectors general date back to the watergate era, when congress installed them inside various agencies as an independent check against mismanagement and abuse of power. yeah, but maybe trump is getting rid of all oversight so nobody sees him doing anything... good! he's so humble. cabinet also on friday night, the senate confirmed pete hegseth for defense secretary. don't worry, mr. secretary. they're not booing, they're saying "pete has a problem with boooooooze."
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sure, he has got a problem. somebody help him. [applause] somebody help the man. we are worried. jd vance had to cast the tie-breaking vote after three republican senators voted against hegseth, including, mitch mcconnell. thanks, mitch! republic saved! sure, you may have blocked the impeachment of trump in 2021, but history will remember you as the guy who almost stopped pete hegseth. it'll all be in the book "profiles in uhhhhhhhhhhh." [applause] one group that is gonna do great under trump is the super rich. they're having a moment and they want us all to know it. take tech mogul and yassified data, bryan johnson.
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johnson is a mega-rich venture capitalist who is obsessed with living forever, and he just unveiled an unexpected new way to measure his youthful virility. because last week, he posted screenshots showing data from an overnight erection-tracking machine for both himself and his 19-year-old son. an overnight erection-tracking "machine?" ai is taking all the good jobs! i could have done that. that is what immigrants come to the country to do. that is what immigrants came to this country to do. my grandfather got off the boat with a ruler and a dream. he posted the data with the worst tweet i have ever read.
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"nighttime erection data from my 19-year-old son and me. his duration is two minutes longer than mine. raise children to stand tall, be firm, and be upright." i know. this poor kid is in for a rude awakening when he tries to relate to coworkers down the line. oh my god, hr is spying on our emails? what are they? our dads tracking our nighttime erections? why do i have to go to hr?" the data this guy's gathered is actually pretty impressive. you can see sleep efficiency - 112, that sounds like a good number, erection quality - 90, a personal best, and even, quote, number of erection 'episodes.' please, no spoilers, i'm only on episode 4 of "rich guy's dong." we've got a great show for you tonight, my guest is chris hayes. but when we come back, meanwhile! join us. ♪ ♪
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[cheers and applause] stephen says yes, sir. that is based fry thriller. there you go. just a few minutes, we have one of our favorite guests. chris hayes will be out here. and then, from the broadway musical sunset boulevard, nicole sure singer is here -- nicole scherzinger is here. folks, i spend most of my time, right over there in the news smithy, stacking layers of the finest, most topical story steel which i heat to 2,350°f, adding nickel and vanaydium to create a damascus pattern, then adding a snakewood handle with polished brass bolsters to make the spectacular 200 millimeter bob
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kramer firestorm chef's knife that is my monologue. but sometimes, after my cell mate, spider, catches me cheating him out of his smokes at double-deck pinochle, i steal a discarded chicken bone from cheffy which i sharpen on the yard and wrap in my remaining shoelace to make the brittle d-block shank of news that is my segment: meanwhile. [applause] news from florida. man who ate only cheese, beef, and sticks of butter for 8 months suffered a shocking side effect. was it "being happy?" apparently, he ate so much butter, cheese, and beef that cholesterol oozed from his body. doctors released him from the hospital with a medical alert bracelet that said, "i can't believe i'm not butter."
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[laughter] a woman gave birth to a baby in a krispy kreme parking lot. the delivery was a success, and both mother and baby have been glazed. officials say the baby's birth certificate will be the first to name krispy kreme as place of birth, though it is often listed as "cause of death." that i just break the news doughnuts will kill you. meanwhile, it's just been revealed that u.s. law enforcement scored a big win over the holidays when "a drug kingpin was arrested in the uk after his wife posted lavish vacation photos online, giving away his location on her now-deleted instagram." pablo escobar was found because of his wife's yelp review: "mrs. pablo escobar says best empanadas ever at 6.2476 degrees
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north, 75.5658 degrees west!" meanwhile, "spirit airlines has announced a new dress code for passengers, banning 'revealing' clothing, or 'offensive' tattoos." but don't worry, you can still slaughter a goat in the bathroom. while other airline policies are often vague and confusing, spirit now lays out clear do's and don'ts. spirit says you can be denied entry or removed from a flight for having breasts, buttocks, or other private parts exposed. in the passengers' defense, once they whip 'em out, not so private. [applause] that doesn't help they are
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flowing beads. meanwhile, thanks to an upcoming partnership between draft kings and delta airlines, in-flight sports betting could soon be a thing. more convenience for the gambler on the go from draftkings, why wait til you're home to lose your house? meanwhile, some small culinary news: scientists just created a pasta so tiny you can't see it with the naked eye, that is two hundred times thinner than the width of a human hair. but what's annoying is that it won't just admit it's on ozempic. "how did i get two hundred times thinner? oh, just drinking a lot of water and discipline." the scientists are calling their creation "nanopasta." just like your nano used to m make. the fda has approved a ketamine- derived nasal spray to treat depression.
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it is destined to be the most popular party drug-pharma mashup since vicks vapo meth. we'll be right back with chris hayes. (tony hawk) i still love to surf, snowboard, and of course, skate, so i take qunol magnesium to support my muscle and bone health. qunol's high-absorption magnesium glycinate helps me get the full benefits of magnesium. qunol. the brand i trust. looking for a reason to try the $5 meal deal with new mcvalue? here's one, two, three, four and the price makes 5. get more than you expect with the $5 meal deal with new mcvalue. ♪♪ taffy is a traveling dog. she just loves to go. her hip pain showed up when we would go on walks. she was diagnosed with osteoarthritis pain. our veterinarian recommended that we try librela. veterinary professionals administering
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stephen says welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is a "new york times" best-selling author and the host of all in on msnbc. please welcome back to "the late show," chris hayes. good to see you. >> great to see you. stevens is always fun to talk about the trump administration and we have a fresh 12 on lap. >> like the advent calendar. the event that one is a fresh turn. we made it through week one. my reaction the first time he was elected eight years ago, i was sitting here and i got this chill like, oh, my god, the
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biggest narcissist in the world of going to be the most important person in the planet and you cannot ignore him and the monstrosities are going to be unimaginable and it was worse than i feared when it happened. i haven't clanked the knob this time. i underplayed it last time, what has been your reaction this week. >> it is in the worst-case scenario neighborhood. there are a few things he has done that are indicators. he could've done a little work and in executive order saying i am directing the acting attorney general to review the cases of the 1500 people prosecuted for january 6, come back to me with recommendations. they could have said we are giving a thousand people who did not commit acts of violence a pardon. the fact that they said, all of them are out, jailbreak, the
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guys that took a baton and beat a cop and paid them into a heart attack, all of those people and the people convicted of seditious conspiracy against our republic, they are all getting jailbreak then one of them is going to be at my rally next weekend on stage. that is not, they got too lazy to distinguish. that is a clear message about embracing and promoting political iolence on his behalf and a payback for it. stephen says now, some organized, some random group of violent offenders, a violent mob that owes him. biko and who have said to my colleague, one of them said i would die for him. keep in mind, -- stephen says i
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am just going to go. >> every time i come out here, i am like it is a comedy show, try to keep it light. got real light in here. >> a he fire all of the inspector general's. he said it is common. >> it is not legal. >> we have got him. [applause] >> he has fallen into our trap. let's see him try to wriggle out of this one. >> the statutes that protect them exists precisely so they will be insulated from the political pressure of new administrations. lindsey graham that it was illegal although he said technically, which i thought was a key way to amend it. technically, if you want to be
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all technical about it. chuck grassley basically said the same. you can't do it. there are a lot of things you can't do he is going to try to do and the question is, what constrains him, how actual citizens mobilized and express their disapproval of what he is doing. the inventive news just broke. before i came out here, he has fired department of justice employees who worked on the investigations against him. those people are fired. what do we know about this? >> it is unclear. in order to explain this, put 20 seconds on the clock first sort of something dry but important. there are two types of employees in the federal government and there are political employees
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and career civil servants who are protected from being fired and the reason we have that is because in the 19th century we developed a federal government that operated and you got the job because you were someone's nephew or you knocked on doors for this guy. we have it so career official cannot be fired at the whims of a president because we don't want to stuff the entirety of the federal government with . to the extent these people were fired are career civil servants, it is not clear which part of the line they fall on. it seems like a flagrant violation of the law but again, he is light, who is going to check me. >> and it would be put me back in. >> to a place where everyone will hate me and yell at me. exactly. this is an honest point but it is important.
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i have had the joy to talk to civil servants in our government doing all kinds of things. people who work in the health infrastructure and the pentagon. there are so many people who work for the federal government who care and are nonpartisan and want to serve the country. and whose expertise we rely on for so much. a universe in which that is gutted so donald trump can pick whoever is in true social mention to run who is going to inspector me is a nightmare scenario but it is what he wants to do. again, real quiet. >> i think they might be applauding for meats. we have to take a quick break. we will be back with more chris hayes. stick around. imagine being good to go without daily hiv pills. ♪♪ good to go binge-watch. ♪♪
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♪ that's not my name ♪ ♪ the highlight of the day is mahomes getting the new iphone 16 at t-mobile. it's built for apple intelligence. hustle down to t-mobile like a dog chasing a squirrel... chasing a nut! at t-mobile get iphone 16 on us. i'm gonna miss you, sweetie. well, this is it. [voice quivering] yeah... i'm going to miss you so much! oh! i just got an online offer from carmax
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but it's equally important for you to be thinking about your future... building credit— (daughter) dad... fargo, what's my fico® score? (dad) wow... it's a work of art. (vo) do you fargo? (daughter) that was corny, but i'll take it. (vo) you can. visit wellsfargo.com/getfargo. >> it's is chris hayes. what is happening now that is not getting enough coverage? >> the biggest one is that they put in a freeze on all grant applications and review and it appears even clinical trials that are happening at the national institutes of health. this, as was started in the new
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deal in the 1930s. we got notes where clinical trials were getting canceled. it appears that they have put a full freeze on all of the science. skin cancer, exactly. stephen says that was all crypto. who does that benefit? >> none of this was communicated, we found out about this through reporting and because of -- stephen says not communicated how? >> as opposed to say the deportations where he has ice riding along with deportations.
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>> that was a rookie mistake. you go with dog the bounty hunter or phil, one of those too. they didn't publicize it. the best we can tell, no one has been upfront about this, what we think is happening and this is not definitive but the best we can piece together is there is a lot of health equity work being joined by the national institutes of health and what& might be a plausible thing happening is they froze the grants because they want to go through and take out all grants that has to do with health equity. stephen says it affects this part of the population as opposed to this part. so they would like us to no less. >> they want both federal government to be worse, more incompetent. stephen said okay. let's talk about your new book.
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>> thank you. that is a good transition. >> well done. speaking of worst and stupider, you have a new book. it is called the siren's call. what is the siren call. >> in the odyssey, odysseus is taking his leave of searcy and she warned him about the sirens, these mysterious creatures that will lure you to death with their song. they sing from the rocks and they will warble you to death and she says if you want to avoid it, you have to bind yourself to the mast of your ship and stuff wax in the ears of your crew so they will not follow when you begged them to follow the sound of the siren. that is trying to regulate our attention against forces that want to take our attention away
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from us to our own peril is ubiquitous to life at this moment. all of the constant competition done at scale by the world largest and most powerful corporations. many ceos who were next to the incoming president at his inauguration. who operate at the scale of billions of users, extracting our attention and monetizing it. stephen says we are going to take a quick break and be right back with more chris hayes, everybody. ...a medication like humira or remicade? put them in check with rinvoq, a once-daily pill. when symptoms tried to take control, i got rapid relief with rinvoq. check. when flares tried to slow me down,... ...i got lasting remission with rinvoq. check. and many were in remission... ...even at nearly 2 years. and rinvoq... ...helped visibly reduce damage of the intestinal lining.
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stephen says we are back with the author of the new book the siren's call, hayes. >> you call attention a resource that we have. the value of that resource, for them is what? you take my oil, you get to burn it, you take my gold and you make electronics or jewelry. what are they doing with our attention? >> selling it to other people who want to get us to buy stuff. much of the internet runs off of ad tech. they are printing money. one of the weird things about the way this works, attention in the aggregate is valuable.
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but your slice of that, when it is being purchased, is fractions of scent. you have this weird thing where in the aggregate it is valuable the amount being paid for your attention is nothing but what it costs you to be distracted, all you have in your life, the substance of your life is from moment to moment what you pay attention to, whether it is your child sleeping in your arms, a conversation with a loved one, that will be one of the last conversation that you have. that is all you have. even says or the first conversation you have with a loved one. go on. >> the glow of fresh love. >> and that is sold like corn at the exchange. >> correct. that experience leaves us with
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an intense feeling of alienation. the thing that should be proper to us and ns. part of who we are is taken and put outside of us and that feeling of outside nests, it is a kind of pernicious sensation of the times we live in. >> what is the equivalent of stuffing the wax in our ears? >> managing how you interact on your phone. >> i am not in charge. my phone is. and i have this thing on my wrist but told me when my phone wants to talk to me. >> i remember going on the water with some friends and i had just gotten the swatch and i was like i'm going to leave my phone at home and they said yes, we are going in the water and they were like are you bringing your watch and i was like yes, i have to bring my watch.
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>> hi, this is chris' watch. >> part of the way i talk about this is we have to think this in more holistic terms than our individual action. it's the way we talk about our relationship to food, which has to do with who we are individually and what our biological predilections rna food system that produces the environment we consume food. >> you are making me hungry. >> we love them everywhere. you can sell it anywhere in the world. that is what is happening to our attention. >> the phone is the bliss point. stephen says so you stole that from me and put it in your book. >> i st time travel.
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in the same way human appetites both have a kind of predictability that can be exploited, salt, sugar, fat, they are unbelievably varied and people eat and love all kinds of stuff and the same is true of attention. they drive towards the slot machine, the casino, the tab tabloid, the scroll, but people go to see the ring cycle and they watch for our podcast and watch videos of people repairing barns and there are all kinds of things we can put our attention on and what we feel is a rebellion on the precipice of breaking out against this dead-end feeling we have, that we have been pinned into a way of paying attention that we don't like. stephen rit. they like it.
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good to see you. stephen says the siren call is out now. chris hayes, everybody. we will be back with a performance from sunset boulevard. dave's been very excited about saving big with the comcast business 5-year price lock guarantee. five years? -five years. and he's not alone. -high five. it's five years of reliable gig speed internet. five years of advanced securit.
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♪ i don't want to be alone that's all in the past ♪ ♪ this world's waited long enough ♪ ♪ i've come home at last ♪ ♪ and this time will be bigger ♪ ♪ and brighter than we knew it ♪ ♪ so watch me fly, we all know i can do it ♪ ♪ could i stop my hand from shaking? ♪ ♪ has there ever been a moment with so much to live for? ♪
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