Skip to main content

tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  January 28, 2025 11:35pm-12:37am PST

11:35 pm
them rotten? >> i want to. >> reporter: becky and her husband michael drove five hours from reno to the oakland animal shelter to find a friend for therapy onat home. >> they'll come visit you, sit on your shoulder, you know, sit on the computer. >> reporter: so they're affectionate? >> yes, they are absolutely affectionate. >> reporter: one look at aspen, and they were sold, restoring the reputation of pigeons who are now ruffling feathers in all the right ways. >> okay. you could also just go to the park and scoop one up. i guess that's probably frowned upon. >> probably. >> i'll stick to dobermans. yeah. >> yeah. >> i'm glad that they have found their people. >> i don't think the pigeon is going to get along with rescue puppy leo. >> no, no. >> no. >> probably no >> google says it will rename
11:36 pm
the gulf of mexico as the gulf of america on its google maps in the u.s. that is following the executive order from president trump. google says the changes will appear once federal maps make the switch. >> hey, google, give me a hotel in louisiana near the gulf of mexico. >> do you mean the gulf of america? >> sure, some are off i-10. >> do you mean ivanka? >> no, somewhere near the french quarter. >> do you mean french fry quarter pounder with cheese? >> okay, i'm done. go will! go to hell! >> do you mean go to lago? >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... grand theft autocrats! plus, stephen welcomes drew barrymore! and brandon scott jones! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band.
11:37 pm
and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: are you are you hello! hello! welcome. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] i want to welcome anyone here out there watching and then recently fired federal employees looking to travel for a while. hey, remember when donald trump said he was going to be a dictator only on day one? well, evidently his first act as dictator was declaring that day one never ends. now, i don't want to cause panic.
11:38 pm
frankly, i don't have the energy. but i will say that it's not the greatest news that the trump justice department has fired the officials who investigated trump. [booing] keep in mind, the january 6 investigation was the largest single investigation in the history of the federal government. if you fire all those people, there's going to be nobody left. we'll have to change the name to department of "just dis guy." justin? justin? this firing is probably -- and i hope you're sitting down -- illegal. because it violates civil service protections. and it's clearly retribution, unless you ask some republicans, like congressman dan crenshaw. >> do you believe that the american people elected trump to get revenge on federal prosecutors? >> whether this is considered revenge or not i think is open to interpretation.
11:39 pm
>> stephen: sure! who knows if it's revenge? it's just like that movie "v for vambiguous." trump's doj isn't just firing lawyers who worked on the january6th cases. they're also launching investigations into specific prosecutors, which they're calling a "special project." going after honest civil servants just doing their job is not a special project. it is a disgrace. a special project is when, to protect you from the bullies on the playground, instead of going to recess, you get to help miss brogden clean the erasers. that is a very special project for a very... [voice breaking] special boy. who is over it. no surprise, many doj employees are freakin' out. in fact, biden-era prosecutors are starting to hire their own lawyers for their defense. so now the lawyers are lawyering up!
11:40 pm
and soon those lawyers will need their own lawyers. and so on and so on. you can see it all in the new dick wolf show, "law and law and law and law and law and law and law and order. just kidding, more law!" [applause] >> law, law. >> stephen: in another autocratic move, the white house paused all federal grants in what is being described as "a potential five-alarm fire for nonprofit organizations." "oh, they're all gonna be fine. don't you worry about it. i have a lot of experience in non-profits. in fact, all my casinos did 'non' make a profit." all right? no. snake eyes. experts warn that these grants could cover everything from homeless shelters to financial aid for college students to state aid for disaster reconstruction,
11:41 pm
so it's pretty darn horrible. but it's also -- and sit back down -- illegal. the senate minority leader chuck schumer explained, "congress approved these investments and they are not optional. they are the law." "the law?! sorry, just even saying the word law makes me giggle. chuck, but.. ♪ i fought the law and the me won! ♪ ♪ i ate the beef on a big bun!" ♪ "sorry, i got hungry halfway through that verse and i went to burger town. just like when you're driving down the highway and you see the golden arches, you cannot deny the siren's call. you gotta pull in." but wait, there's worse. yesterday, trump also ordered the cdc to stop working with the world health organization immediately. wait, wait, we're out of "who"? this is gonna decimate our beloved comedy routines.
11:42 pm
"who's on first?" "you have dengue fever." that, of course, a classic bit of comedy from abbott and rubella. big rubella fans out there. this move has got everybody blindsided. according to one expert who collaborates with w.h.o. on work against sexually transmitted infections, "this has really caught everyone with their pants down." okay. [applause] actual quote, real quote. well, he studies stds. i'm guessing that's what all his metaphors are like. "uh, margie, that was pants-down the best dinner i've ever had. i'm talking nuts-to-butts. bon appe-taint!" [laughter] the gag order is gonna hurt us
11:43 pm
in the long run, because it's happening right as cdc officials were scheduled to help the w.h.o. pick out strains for next winter's flu vaccine. oh, no! now we're not gonna know about all the hottest flu trends. the rest of the world's gonna be wearing low-cut vaccines, and we're all gonna be in the hospital! america is also awash in bird flu, which has infected or killed 136 million birds thus far. epidemiologists have released this footage of the moment the outbreak started. >> i say [wet cough] i say i'm dying, boy!" [laughter] >> stephen: i say son. what are we doing? now the birds are getting even fluier, because yesterday, a california farm discovered a different strain: the first outbreak of the highly pathogenic h5n9 bird flu. pretty scary, but on the bright
11:44 pm
side, "h5n9-birdflu" is just one special character away from being a pretty strong password. always looking for one. the first strain of bird flu hit chickens and turkeys, but this new one was found in ducks. well, that takes out the whole turducken! how are we ever going to find three new delicious animals of increasing size to stuff inside each other? the pig-ham-pork? the hippo-sheep-adoodle? with bird flu running rampant, experts say that americans should expect to face record-high egg prices for most of the year. as a result, some supermarkets are limiting customers' purchases, putting up signs that read "we are currently experiencing an egg shortage. please consider limiting your purchase to two cartons." what? but if americans don't eat more than two dozen eggs a day,
11:45 pm
how are we gonna die of congestive heart failure? even worse, while americans are facing heartless egg limits, the canadians are yolkin' it up, posting pictures of their dramatically cheaper egg prices, yeah! saying, "price of eggs in canada, eh?" [bleep] it, i'm with trump. let's bomb saskatchewan. speaking of whomst, trump's whole campaign was about lowering the price of eggs. so how are they spinning the shortage? >> as far as the egg shortage, what's also contributing to that is that the biden administration and the department of agriculture directed the mass killing of more than 100 million chickens. >> stephen: first of all, all those chickens had bird flu. they were culled to prevent the spread of the disease. and second, if you are upset about chicken murder, keep in mind your boss is wanted
11:46 pm
by interpol for nuggacide. what's the date? what is this? 28th? so ground hog's day is less than a week away. but if peta has their way, punxsutawney phil's gonna be out of job. because peta wants to replace him with a "weather reveal" cake. that is crazy. that's insane. who would believe that a cake could predict the weather? cake is good for only two things: being delicious and granting wishes on your birthday. still waiting on that pony, you lying piece of sheet cake. peta says cake would mimic that of a sex reveal for a baby, with blue meaning six more weeks of winter and pink indicating an early spring. okay, i guess that would work. personally, i did all my gender reveals using a groundhog. but it gets worse.
11:47 pm
tough to push. tough push. it gets worse because peta wants the weather predicting cake to be vegan. hold on. hold on. hold on. i'm getting something. a message from the beyond. there will... there will... there will be leftovers. how long was i out? and i'm being told we have breaking news about the 43 escaped lab monkeys in my home state of south carolina. it's time for our final "ooh-ooh ah-ah! update". ♪ ♪ >> ooh-ooh-ah-ah-ah! >> stephen: welcome. we have been giving you full team coverage of these escaped rhesus macaques since before thanksgiving, so it's bittersweet to tell you that the last four escaped monkeys were recaptured. don't cry because it's over. smile because "macaque" is a funny word. "south carolina authorities
11:48 pm
are tryin' to get their hands on 'macaque.'" [laughter] the final four monkeys are all female and they're very clever. they resisted being tempted back into captivity by peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. it did not work because they used natural peanut butter. let's remember their failed flight for freedom by now lowering our bananas to half peel. ♪ ♪ goodbye, sweet lab monkeys. may flights of angels sing you back to your lab cages. where they're gonna see if they can get you to lay eggs. 'cause we're gettin' desperate. we got a great show for you tonight! my guests are drew barrymore and brandon scott jones! but when we come back, the latest dating trends
11:49 pm
that make me happy that i am no longer single. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: "the late show with stephen colbert" sponsored by allstate. you're in good hands.
11:50 pm
11:51 pm
11:52 pm
dave's been very excited about saving big with the comcast business 5-year price lock guarantee. five years? -five years. and he's not alone. -high five.
11:53 pm
it's five years of reliable gig speed internet. five years of advanced securit. five years of a great rate that won't change. it's back. but only for a limited time. high five. five years? -nope. comcast business 5-year price lock guarantee. powering five years of savings. powering possibilities. comcast business.
11:54 pm
♪ ♪ >> stephen: for me? please have a seat, everybody. thank you very much. welcome back to "the late show," my friends. give it up for louis cato and "the late show" band, everybody. there we have it. folks, love loves loving. and no one loves loving love more than i do. so it's time, once again, for me to tell you all the latest trends in dating and romance in my segment... >> romansplaining with stephen colbert. >> stephen: folks, word is dating is gonna look very different in 2025, according to relationship experts and online polls conducted by tinder, feeld, and plenty of fish,
11:55 pm
the word is, one new dating trend this year will be celibacy. so hold on. it's cool to not have sex now? looks like somebody was way ahead of his time. you, sir. it is gonna get better. just not for like a decade. apparently, more young people are abstaining from the nasty because they say "celibacy creates the headspace to focus on themselves." okay. pro tip: if you have a celibate roommate, be sure to knock before entering their room in case they're furiously "focusing on themselves." [applause] experts say this year will also see the rise of something called "nano-ships," which is when you find romantic meaning in seemingly innocuous moments, like when you lock eyes with someone on the subway. great news for the d-train's
11:56 pm
"pantsless gary." "it's not weird now. you're my nano-girlfriend." one trend-spotter described nano-ships this way. "every glance, every random coffee chat, each little moment has its own vibe." you can't have a whole relationship in a glance. watch. [laughter] [cheers and applause] [cheering] okay, that one checks out. another fun new term for 2025 is "no-habiting"... "which is the opposite of co-habiting, this trend refers to those who want to wait that bit longer to move in with
11:57 pm
their partner because they value their personal space." you don't need a term for not doing something. "me? my new year's resolution is daily 'don't-cersise.' you know exercise? i don't." people tired of constantly putting their best foot forward in a relationships may find comfort in a new thing called "swamping," which is when you "let go of the pressure to be anything but your true authentic self and find someone you can comfortably 'share your swamp' with." so... marriage. you're describing marriage. dating trend watchers also say singles are now opting for what they're calling "activity dates," which is when you and your potential boo go running, visit a museum, or take a cooking class. or, combine all three and sprint through the met together while mincing a shallot.
11:58 pm
one of the biggest areas of change is going to be in how dating apps are used. one new trend is to come out and say exactly what you want online, where people are ditching vague descriptions about what they desire and instead getting more specific. for example, "i'm looking for a guy in finance." which experts call "loud looking." "loud looking" also what your friend does when you tell them to discretely check out something over your shoulder. "be cool, okay?" "got it." whoa! is that the coworker you hate? is he in finance 'cause i'm loud looking!" people are also searching for so-called "partner types" like the "golden retriever", who is enthusiastic and energetic, or the "cinnamon roll", described as sweet and kind. not a person. some people are so desperate they will literally bang a cinnabon. unless they are cinnabelibate.
11:59 pm
we'll be right back with drew barrymore! ♪ ♪ type 2 diabetes? discover the ozempic® tri-zone. i got the power of 3. i lowered my a1c, cv risk, and lost some weight. in studies, the majority of people reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. i'm under 7. ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as stroke, heart attack, or death in adults also with known heart disease. i'm lowering my risk. and adults lost up to 14 pounds. i lost some weight. ozempic® isn't for type 1 diabetes or children. don't share needles or pens, or reuse needles. don't take if you or your family had mtc, men 2, or if allergic to it. stop taking and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, or any of these allergic reactions. tell your provider if you plan to have surgery or a procedure, are breastfeeding, pregnant, or plan to be.
12:00 am
serious side effects may include inflammation of pancreas, gallbladder problems, or changes in vision. call your prescriber if you have any of these symptoms. taking with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase low blood sugar risk. common side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, constipation. some side effects lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. living with type 2 diabetes? ask about the power of 3 with ozempic®. -i need to get me a new phone. -trade-in that busted up phone and get you a brand new iphone 16 pro at t-mobile. it's on them. families save 20% every month. what a deal! new and existing customers, trade in your busted old phone, and we'll give you a new iphone 16 pro with apple intelligence on us. with new mcvalue at mcdonald's, you can buy one and add one for a dollar.
12:01 am
enjoy meal deals, and treat yourself to deals in the app. there's always ways to save... ...all day, everyday. get more than you expect with new mcvalue
12:02 am
12:03 am
♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody. welcome back. thank you, my friends.
12:04 am
oh, lordy. ladies and gentlemen, my friends. you know my first guest as the charming and energetic host of "the drew barrymore show" on cbs. now you can see her in cbs's reboot of the iconic game show "hollywood squares." please welcome back to "the late show," drew barrymore! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> drew: thank you! >> stephen: fantastic. good to see you. >> drew: i'm so happy to be here. i have been so looking forward to this. i am with evie's husband.
12:05 am
so excited. >> stephen: i am excited to be her husband too. people may not know but we had such a good time when we came on -- i think you were the first offer our cookbook. >> drew: "does this taste funny?" there we are. >> stephen: having a really good time. okay. i interview a lot of guests. you interview a lot of guests. i feel like i know how to do this job. how are we as guests on your show? >> drew: i'm so excited. i never missed an episode of "the colbert report." >> stephen: i missed a couple. >> drew: i watched it religiously and when you came to do the show, i have just loved you and it turns out your other half is as incredible as it g gets. i am like oh, wow. now i love both of them. >> stephen: she is the best. she is a fan of yours. >> drew: i love -- your relationship with such a wonderful thing. >> stephen: we are very lucky to be together.
12:06 am
i'm lucky and she puts up with me. she loved the instagram post you put about being a mother and she thinks your wonderful mother. i'm just curious. how is that going? are you still a wonderful mother? you haven't fallen off in the last few months? >> drew: they are really, really good. every day is different. every hour is different. they are my northstar, my compass. i love that in the life that i got to live before i knew them, my priorities were different. and ever since they came into the world, i understand what the purpose of my life is. it's wild. >> stephen: my first reaction. my first reaction when i held my daughter for the first time was "oh, i've been down." you know what i mean? i thought -- my priorities have been wrong. >> drew: i found out i was
12:07 am
having a daughter with olive and i thought oh, right, karmically that makes sense. there is a lock of, okay, okay, i'm having a girl. when i found out i was having frankie, my second daughter, it humbled me in a way that i've never knownand i'll never forget the moment because i realized i was put on this planet to raise girls and that everything in my life was captured and a butterfly net to try and get this right. if you don't grow up in a perfect way with a perfect family, you fear the blueprint and you go, i want to do things differently or i felt unconfident, like this was the stakes of my life and it took a few years honestly to have that confidence. people say you do this and you do that. i was like uh-huh. i don't know. getting a grasp on it was the most exciting thing of the world and i just know that i'm all in
12:08 am
and i care so much and i am imperfect but i'm going to do everything i can to do this to the best of my ability, and it's fun. it's humorous and it's delicious and it's great. and they're my everything. >> stephen: not only are you a good mother, you inspired someone else to be a parent? >> drew: who? >> stephen: this past saturday you did an event with steven spielberg. 30th, 40f? 40th anniversary. of et. he said that looking after the young cast, especially drew, he says, who was 6 years old at the time was the first time it occurred to him that maybe he could be a dad. you inspired steven spielberg to be a father. how do you feel about that? be careful where you point this. >> drew: the only thing i remember of his, my whole life with him because he has been
12:09 am
sort of a big father figure for me is he always called me his training wheels. for parenthood. and i really didn't come i spent so much time with him and he really took me under his wing. funny enough, you know, he was a blueprint for something he said what i was six, i wanted to get my ears pierced. he said i'll get your ears pierced for you but you have to wait until you're ten. when you're six, that feels like a universal way. so i waited -- >> stephen: did you really? >> drew: yeah. on my tenth birthday, i got my ears pierced. he followed through. he was someone who was there and who i believed in and i could call and i would spend weekends at his house and he was always showing the movies. he was such a good father figure. i knew he was going to make the best father, and he has seven kids. he is a family man. i am so relieved i was his training wheels. i'm so relieved i didn't turn him off of parenthood.
12:10 am
you know. it's great. >> stephen: we have to take a quick break but we'll be right back with more drew barrymore, everybody. stick around. colitis symptoms severe ulcerative can keep coming back. start to break away from uc with tremfya... with rapid relief at 4 weeks. tremfya blocks a key source of inflammation. at one year, many people experienced remission... and some saw 100% visible healing of their intestinal lining. serious allergic reactions and increased risk of infections may occur. before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tb. tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms or if you need a vaccine. healing is possible with tremfya. ask your doctor about tremfya today. ♪
12:11 am
(tony hawk) i still love to surf, snowboard, and of course, skate, so i take qunol magnesium to support my muscle and bone health. qunol's high-absorption magnesium glycinate helps me get the full benefits of magnesium. qunol. the brand i trust.
12:12 am
12:13 am
12:14 am
>> stephen: hey, everybody. we are back with drew barrymore. that 6-year-old that we met in et, now heads the big 5-0.
12:15 am
you are turning 50 on february 22nd. congratulations. you wear it well. >> drew: thank you. -ú>l about becoming a quinn to june arian? >> drew: i think the exciting thing is life just gets better and more exciting, some peace may come into it. i am a person who hasn't totally known peace in my life. because i didn't know that was even a priority of mine. my piece was like yay, peace. one is bo aspiration and the other is, i would like to feel good inside. can i be my own safe space. >> stephen: the 40s went well for you. the 50s will be great. my sister, him before i turned 50, she goes you're going to love 50. i turned 50 i did not give a damn what anyone thought. >> drew: they call it a [bleep]. being on the show and i wonder
12:16 am
if this happens for you, that people will come and drop these wisdom's or sentences or things that kind of stay with you. it was like, none other than ellen pompeo came on the show and she said, yeah, you get the 50 f-its. i didn't know what that meant and i'm tasting it. it tastes good. i like it a lot. >> stephen: is part of it, this is pretty exciting, you are the cover girl for aarp mag magazine. >> stephen: the latest in the series. what are you doing to celebrate? >> drew: a couple of pj parties. i'm a big sleepover girl. i love sleepovers. why do sleepovers have to end? that is such b.s. >> stephen: each others nails and stuff, talk about boys. what do you do? >> drew: yeah, that happens. >> stephen: pillow fights? >> drew: no pillow fights but who knows.
12:17 am
my birthday is an excuse to say we've got to be together. i don't care what happens in and the celebration with my birthday. i just want to be with my friends and i have a tradition, my girls and i have a sleepover on my birthday, we are the three sardines and we get in our canon we roll up the ten and we have a sleepover. sleepovers with my friends. the night of my 50th birthday i will be in a bed with my two daughters which i think might be the happiest place i've ever known in my life. sleeping with your kids is magical. it really is. >> stephen: okay. >> drew: maybe some dance parties. we'll all cook. a lot of my friends and i have been friends for 30 and 40 years now. so it's like old home week. a bunch of old hens, again, disease-free. and i think something really mellow.
12:18 am
it won't be exciting. a lot of people said you should have a party. >> stephen: you should have a party. >> drew: i don't want one. i don't want to party. >> stephen: do you like surprise parties? >> drew: i don't hate them. you know why? >> stephen: i have to plan you a surprise party. >> drew: i overthink a lot of things. i have already over thought the birthday party out of existence. i really am an overthink her. i'm working on that. >> stephen: one of the things i'm excited about, i'm a fan of yours and also a fan of this. you are now in the iconic game show "hollywood squares" here on cbs. >> drew: did you watch hollywood squares? >> stephen: you are the center square. >> drew: i am! >> stephen: the place of ho honor. do ou like it? are you having fun? >> drew: the president of cbs, george cheeks, someone i spoke
12:19 am
to about my passion for the show years ago. i am obsessed with it. i watched it growing up. i love games. who doesn't. but to me it was like a comedy show with the game element. i love comedy, comedy is my medicine. my mom worked at the comedy store when i was a baby. pauly shore babysat me because his mother is the grande dame of the comedy scene. i got the memo. comedians are where it's at. they are healers. i love them and i love to laugh. i was obsessed with "squares when i was a kid." >> stephen: asked if they have kids call it, they call it "squares?" >> drew: i did that, didn't i. i was saying to george, i was like, this show, it's so good because it's funny and it's comedy and who doesn't like games? should we bring it back? could we bring it back? >> stephen: we have a click
12:20 am
here. anything we need to know? >> drew: no. >> stephen: you heard the woman, jim. >> all right, drew, there is a lot writing on on this. she's looking to get the square but also the round and the thousand dollars. all right, here we go. on average, how many eggs does it chicken late each day? one, three, five? >> you know this, drew. >> does it not vary? is it perfect precision everything on time? does it matter how many times they get laid or that they lay? i am going to go in the pretty middle and say three. >> to win the round, do you agree or disagree? >> i'm going to disagree. i think it's only one. >> i hope you're right. >> stephen: and? >> drew: it's a cliffhanger. you have to watch. >> stephen: that's how you do show business right there.
12:21 am
lovely to see you. >> drew: these shows have taught me a cliffhanger. >> stephen: "hollywood squares" airs wednesdays at 8:00 p.m. on cbs. drew barrymore, everybody. we'll be right back with brandon scott jones. ♪ if you're not having any fun? ♪ ♪ have a little fun ♪ advil liqui-gels are faster and stronger than tylenol rapid release gels. ♪♪ also from advil, advil targeted relief, the only topical with 4 powerful pain fighting ingredients that start working on contact and lasts up to 8 hours. top line?
12:22 am
this is a quality, comprehensive exam. come again? you asked me to topline it for you. okay. bottom line? well, the bottom line is this is an amazing value. what? get two pairs of progressives and an eye exam starting at just $159.95 at america's best. ♪♪ life with norman is fun and full of adventure. he just started to slow down a little bit on walks and seemed like he had some discomfort. his doctor diagnosed him with osteoarthritis pain and recommended that we try librela. veterinary professionals administering librela who are pregnant, trying to conceive, or breastfeeding should take extreme care to avoid self-injection, which can cause allergic reactions like anaphylaxis. librela has helped norman get back to his old self. ♪♪ some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking allstate first. like you know to check the weather first, before sailing. it's gonna get nasty later. yep. hey! perfect day for sailing, huh?
12:23 am
have fun on land. i'll go tell the coast guard. yep. yeah, checking first is smart. so check allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. you're in good hands with allstate. looking for a reason to try the $5 meal deal with new mcvalue? here's one, two, three, four and the price makes 5. get more than you expect with the $5 meal deal with new mcvalue.
12:24 am
♪ are you having any fun? ♪ get more than you ♪ what you getting out of living? ♪ ♪ who cares for what you've got ♪ ♪ if you're not having any fun? ♪ ♪ have a little fun ♪
12:25 am
♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome back, my
12:26 am
friends. ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is an actor and comedian you know from "the other two," "isn't it romantic," and "renfield." he now stars in cbs's hit show "ghosts." >> may be being imprisoned in this dank glare with his interminable dripping is my comeuppance. >> what are you talking about? >> i've disappointed anyone who's ever depended on me. i was a bad fiance and death, bad husband in life. that this be my promise to you, my friend. if by the grace of god we ever get out of here, i vowed to change my ways, to be kinder, to be less self with, to be a better person. >> good for you. >> your rock looks more comfortable. can i have it? >> what happened to being a better person? >> i said if. if we get out of here. god has toppled his side of the bargain first.
12:27 am
>> stephen: please welcome to "the late show," brandon scott jones. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> brandon scott: hello! >> stephen: hello. nice to have you. we've never met before but it turns out that we kind of have worked together before because of the first year of the show we did this thing, we did a segment that was making fun of ted talks called "reject-ted talks." shot for ted but weren't good enough to be put on the ted talk website. you are one of our first ones. >> brandon scott: oh, my god. >> stephen: here you are. you are... you are a man asking the pertinent question of the audience, and mine dressed as albert einstein or mark twain? >> brandon scott: yes.
12:28 am
even in the ted talk, never figured it out. it was one of my favorite things. >> stephen: the costume he bought at the halloween store just said "smart guy cost you." >> brandon scott: that was it. >> stephen: you are part of the ensemble. when trump first came into office last time, we cast you as reince priebus living with steve bannon in "the odd couple." were you excited? >> brandon scott: i was thrilled to play reince priebus. he is around the time you're having one of my favorite actors, laura benanti, she was playing melania trump. she was amazing. i remember thinking, oh, my god, i am "the late show"'s reince priebus. i am in the coterie. i'm in the ensemble. >> stephen: have that on your resume. >> brandon scott: yeah. and then i remember a week later, he was fired.
12:29 am
[laughter] and i told everyone. hey guys, look out for me, i am on "the late show" and then a week later, i was completely distraught, walking the streets of new york and my friends were like, what's wrong? i was like "reince priebus was fired!" >> stephen: took it quite personally. >> brandon scott: probably took it worse than he did. >> stephen: these days you play isaac higgentoot on "ghosts," captain the revolutionary war who is now dead. are you learning about history from doing this? is it educational? >> brandon scott: sometimes but no. >> stephen: that's what "ghosts" is, primarily. >> brandon scott: an educational program, different characters from different parts of history. every now and then there will be a reference in the script. but to prepare for the role, i didn't really do a lot of research. traditional research. i was like, it's not show that takes place in the revolutionary war. i'm just playing that character. i bought a big thick textbook
12:30 am
that had an orange cover and i was like i'm going to read this and know everything. i got a page and i was like, i can't do this. have you ever try to read a textbook by yourself? >> stephen: you shoot the show in montreal. a lovely town. i've been there. how are you adjusting to the culture? montreal has got its own thing. do you spreichen ze french. >> brandon scott: i'm trying to learn classes now. i go to a class class in los angeles where i live. every saturday morning. it's fun to go back to school. i have this idea. my dad is a foreign language teacher. one of the things he always said was the best way to learn a foreign language was to immerse yourself in that culture. when i found out the show was going to be shooting montreal, i was like oh, my god, i'm going
12:31 am
to become fluent in french. it's a french-speaking city. i am going to be the next timothee chalamet. [laughter] the comparisons were already there. >> stephen: 100%. >> brandon scott: what i didn't realize is when you're going to immerse yourself into a language, you have to have at least some basis. i knew zero french. the way i chose to do this was, and you'll hear where i went wrong much quicker than i heard where i went wrong. my plan was to throw myself into the deep end. i was going to go, when i got to montreal, i was going to type into google translate, you know, may i please have an iced coffee? i was going to go to a cafe. i was going to say that in french and when they responded, i was going to pull what i could only describe as a delightful switcheroo and say, actually, i don't speak french.
12:32 am
i'm learning. i am immersing myself. that didn't go great. i'll tell you why. i typed it into google and when google, when you do that you can press the microphone button. >> stephen: you can hear how it's supposed to be said. >> brandon scott: the google lady says it. i don't know they still do this but you could press it again and she would say it really slowly. i was like, i'm an actor, i can do this. i am a mimic. and so i set it and i was like, okay, i repeated it comes back. oh, my god, going to do it on national tv. i want an iced coffee. may i please have a nice coffee? the google lady says that and i am saying it over and over and over again and i go to the cafe and i say it in the baristas face turns white. i've ordered my iced coffee. i'm so sorry, i bailed. i was trying to immerse myself.
12:33 am
i've basically had no idea what went wrong. i record myself saying it. i hear the problem. i was a good mimic. i was imitating the google willt woman's voice saying it very slowly so in english it was essentially me walking into a bunch of cafe is going, may i have an iced coffee? [laughter] may i have an iced coffee? [laughter] where in that story did you hear i was going wrong? >> stephen: i stopped listening along time ago. >> brandon scott: okay, good. >> stephen: so lovely to see you. "ghosts" airs thursdays on cbs. brandon scott jones, everybody. we'll be right back.
12:34 am
i guess what i'm looking for from you is, i mean, i know how the fire affected me, and there's always a constant fear that who's to say something like that won't happen again? that's fair. we committed to underground, 10,000 miles of electric line. you look back at where we were 10 years ago and we are in a completely different place today, and it's because of how we need to care
12:35 am
dave's been very excited about saving big with the comcast business 5-year price lock guarantee. for ou
12:36 am
five years? -five years. and he's not alone. -high five. it's five years of reliable gig speed internet. five years of advanced securit. five years of a great rate that won't change. it's back. but only for a limited time. high five. five years? -nope. comcast business 5-year price lock guarantee. powering five years of savings. powering possibilities. comcast business. mmmm... planet oat's so creamy and not watery like- exactly! and unsweetened has 0 grams of sugar. and don't forget, it's an excellent source of calcium. ♪♪ wow! planet oat really has it all... you guys are so right! no you are. no you are. no you are. yeah, you are. ♪♪
12:37 am
>> stephen: that's it for "the late show," everybody. tune in tomorrow when my guest will be will ferrell. now stick around for taylor tomlinson and her panelists kurt braunohler, kristen schaal, and reggie watts. good night! ♪ ♪

0 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on