>> raphael: hello, thank you for joining us, today dealing with domestic violence, i am joined by interim and executive director of my sister's place and carmen. this is an important topic i'll be short and let you do most of the talking. >> we are at one in four women experiencing domestic violence at some point. issue is incredibly huge and at critical levels.

seeking shelters acrosshe country everyday. domestic violence impacts people no matter where they are from, what they look like, no matter their education level. it is a critical point. >> we have reached this critical point, carol, how do we chip a away at this. >> i think it is like carmen said a pandemic.. if we had a health issue, all our issues wld be put towards solving it. it is at epidemic levels, one in four men and one in seven men unbelievably has experienced

effect on children as well. >> raphael: you have to think it is hard to speak out. how do we empower people to seek help? >> certainly knowing what the signs of domestic are. knowing how to empower yourself, what the local resosoces e. >> >> raphael: what are some of the signs? signs we think are normal, jealousy, falls in love and says i love you very early on in the relatiship. thihgs like being isolated from family and friends. we think about physical violence, seeing someone with a black eye. there are things i tell people, check your gut. things that don't feel comfortable for you, women, we know what doesst feel comfortable. if you are unable to negotiate your relationship, unablele to have a aoice in thth relationship, that is a sign of something not safe.

carol, what can we do from a societal standpoint? is there a way for government here? what is the next step? >> definitely need to be more resources at the government level, corporate level, local community level. we find in d.c. for example every year we do an annuaua one-day census, how many folks turned away. 8,000 families tururd away in one single day. we need to put more resoues and talk about it more. we can't talk about it too much which is why w are happy to be here today. >> raphael: that is why i wanted to have you to figure it out. i need it to all come together. violence against women act, good start, down 64%.

advocates what do we need more? >> we have president biden who authored the act. resource domestic violence sheltd shelters, we need more housing. we expect they are okay after 30 days, it is not the case. i am sure carol can talk about that. we need more long-term housing and advocates. we need more resources for folks that can serve children and more attornee. there is a varieie of things wee need. the world of government. raphael: i don't think i am in a domestically bad situation, how can i help my friends if

this setting? >> first thing and most important thing is listen and be supportive. help to empower them to make their own decisions. very easy for us to see somebody in a relationship we don't feel is healthy and start to criticize or withdrawal our support. that is absolutely the wrong thing to do. what most people needed is almost unconditional support. listening, being support i have, allowing them to make their choices. people ask why didn't that person leave? it is very complicated. often they don't have any place, they don't have the resources. economic abuse is a huge part of domestic violence. they may have children. they are figging o out h to feed their children and get them

>> raphael: are there situations where people should go to police and reach out for their friends? >> when you see violence, it is important. that survivor is the expert in the situation, talking to your friend and making sure they have the resources and know what is available. you can look online plenty of resources developing a safety plan. you can talk with your friend, who would you go to if there was an emergency situation?? knowowg that person i i an expert. for you, as a man, we talk about this issue as it is just about women. we need men to raise their voices and talk to other men when they see something to hold each other accountable.

being here. we'll be right back >> raphael: welcome us is amanda and pandora wilson with house of ruth. thank you both for joining me. very pleased you are here. interested to hear your stories, amanda, tell us your story? >> reason i got into the field of victim advocacy is because of my experience, i went from emotionally abusive to physically abusive. saw the signs and didn't know what to do. it was a hard process to admit. very isolating, shaming. i didn't want to tell my family or friends. i had cut myself off at my abuser's request. >> raphael: that is tragic. sorry to hear that. pandora, tell me about your story? >> i am a survivor from my family.

my father was a good man to me, but to the rest off my family he as hard. watching him abia my mother gave me trust issues. i am not going to trust you, i am going to go left which sometimes can lead to effects of bad decisions. basically over a period of time, things would spiral out of control. before you know it you are saying what happened? you are trying to figure it out. it took me a long time too figure out how much of an impact that had on m m life. today i am glad for house of ruth. they gave me an opportunity to find me and ask questions why you do this? >> raphael: interested in that, amanda.

you needed help? >> i don't think i reached out for help. i had been in the hospital so many times i had been arrested because i was afraid to testify against myabuser. i h h beenn beeen into a comama i i s afraid to talk to the police. it took a lot for this one specific detective in fairfax county to tell me this is what you are going to do. i broke down and said i'll do whatever you want me to do. >> raphael: if someone was in your situation, how would you help coax them out of the cycle? >> there are so many resources. at the courthouse, there are advocates and commumuity bases. national network to end domestic violence. they'll tell you the housing

i wish someone had taken the time rather than you have to go into court. i was afraid for myself and my children to do that. i encourage people to take the resources from their churches, family, friends, community. it is very hard, i know. it was hard for me to admit i neneded help. had to start from the bottom up. i went to a shelter, transitional housing, getting a protective order was order. today my abuser is serving 55 years in prison for the crimes he committed against me and my children. >> wow. >> i tell people you have to take away your pride and start at the bottom. it is harder to leave than to stay. >> raphael: it is important to leave, right?

>> raphael: pandora, what made you go to house of ruth? >> having so many trust issues, you make the wrong decisions. trying to act like your life is normal and everything is all right when you have problems in your life, my thing was, go to sleep, wake up, it will be gone. with the abuse, they would fight, i would go to sleep, wake up, everything is fine. here is your breakfast, here is your money for lunch, go on to schol. sometimes, psychologically, you fixate yourself to think, if i just put it on the back burner, it will go away. those problems never go away. they keep coming and coming until eventually, they overtake you. you have to figure out what am i going to do?

>> i kept trying to figure out how do o u go about doing ? they told my about house of ruth. it has been the bfst experience of my life. >> >> raphael: tell me about these bowls. >> these are coiled bowls made out of magazines. these are made out of mats. national geographic came to house of ruth. they were looking for crafters. it was called earn and learn. i couldn't think how am i going to take care of myself financially. they said we are going to teach you howow to do this. all you need to do is create. i started wrapping and this is the final product. it is actually a magazine.

you say, if you could tell everybody, what was the most important way you helped yourself? >> focussing on my children. i had been away from my daughter a year. she was four. my son was being p psically abusus withweapons, vee bad. i had to let go of my foor and take a risk. it was a risk the day aleft. it didn't get easier until it got harder. it took three years to get through trials. i had to start trusting people like she is saying. someone tells you this is going to be okay. you think this is not going to be okay. my gut said what that detective was telling mee is the best advise she could have given me. >> raphael: we are going to be right back to continue this

violence and how we can he >> raphael: welcome back to "rightside" forum, i am raphael armstrong sitting in for armstrong williams. we are continuing in an important conversation about domestic violence and how survivors are getting over the hump. here is marie c. jones of l.l. & l.consulting. thank you for joining us. >> thank you for the invitation. we are so excited about this initiative. i met carmen earlier this year and talked about about her survivors. i pitched an idea, entrepreneurship could be a part of the services her

she took me up on itnd developepe entrepreneurshihi 101 semar for women. we just finished the pilot and a success. you spoke with pandora. she was one of the participants. we are very pleased how it turned out. >> raphael: we were talking about how hard it is to regain footing. financially, your money play as big role. >> absolutely. those of ushat have seen women and men that have survive domestic abuse, you think why the heck did you not get out of the situation. financial security is a big impediment. notion of entrepreneurship, we found in this pilot such an

women move to that place they understand, i can make decisions forormyself, i can make . i believe there is ann entrepreneur in all of us, just a matter of striking that spark and making it grow. >> raphael: creating a sense of self-worth. >> absolutely. we have four segments, sisters doing it for themselves, does madame walker spirit live with you, all about the benjamins and handle y yrusiness. business isn't always a sysco or ibm. businesses come in all sideses and shapes. it is about handling your business.

find their talents and ohm power them. you are a great role model. one of the heads of verizon telephones, are you able to translate that into a role mode >> i think so. i think all of us are moved and inspired by people. that was a big part of this, making it culturally relevant. making sure we spoke to women in a way they could understand,d, both black women working through obstacles. clearing hurdles, not ails being believed in. very much a sharing opportunity. we called the program a sharing circle. we impart information also sharing with each other and all

>> fifty years ago, a black woman wouldn't been ableo be part of a company. i think it is important for you to have these conversations and talking to them. >> i have been blessed and part of my motivation is you are blessed to be a blessing. this sharing circle initiative has been a wonderful opportunity. >> it is your way of giving back, all about the benjamins, what acatchy name. financial literacy. a lot of room for teaching what is money for? do you earn to spend or look at money as a tool.

it in order to having the ledge raj to do the bigger more important things like funding a businns, supporting thehe causes so important. how to use money, so many are unbanked. how to use credit to your knowledge and make sense not put you deeper in a whole. >> financial literacy is an important piece.

is "rightside" >> people that want to be

of power and more money, you maybe in their way. guess what? you may want that position yourself! humanity on the local level, context of family and sibling rivalry, neighbbs and neighborhood rivavary, city and city rivalry, political leaders and political rivalry. nations and internatial rivalry. economicnd political rivalry. all about competing human interests. >> raphael: thanks for joining "rightside" i am raphael armstrong fillingng inor armstrong willllms. i want to leaveveou with final thoughts, domestic violence, tragic topic effecting women and men across america. we need to have individualized

i want to thank my panelist who helped us understand what is going on and how hard it can be to get back on a financial footing and the hardest thing is coming out. getting a call for help. i want to thank you for watching, i am raphael armstrong. coming at you next week will be armstrong williams. this was "rightside" forum.

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