when a judge saidunishable by death, i lost it. >> they're moving, funny, and surprising. inmates perform their own stories. >> when you're in prison for so long, you're used to one costume. blue.t's we all look like smurfs in here. >>ello and welcome. i'm thuy vu. tonight we bring you a kqed newsroom special. "stand up san quentin." inmates here are doing timeor crimes like murder and assault.k onwn for violence, today san quentin has one of the most rebilitative programs in the prison system. later we'll talk to a victims rights advocate whose husband

was murdered. she'll tell us what she learned while volunteering san quentin. first we'll look at inmates partipating in a unique program. one that's helping them tell their stories in their own words. ♪ >> when a person decides to chan, they want everyone to know that they've ichanged. sot's important to get that out. television portrays prison as this negative place p whereple are just running around being violent. but san quentin is actually totally opposite from tt. these guys are going to college every day. they're going to self-help groups. they're going to religious services. everyone here is trying to get out of prison, not stay in

pson. >> i got to san quentin in 1984 via l.a. county jail. i was tol -- >> since 2012 we've been working on a storytelli project and really the overarching idea is to tell the hidden stories of life inside told from the perspective of those who live it. >> as soon as i got off thebus, i got extra cold because i wasn't wearing underwear. that's how they transported us back in the day, buck naked with a red jumpsuit. if the bus crashed and you escaped, you would be running around naked. >> this project was put together by the san quentin media production team. >> i'm nervous, that's what this is. >> we helped the men edit their stories and present them. >> so i covered myself in in tattoosf hate and violence. >> it gives guys a little more courage to say, okay, i might be able to do that one day.

>> more than anything, that really scared me. >> i thi it also makes vulnerability look okay. because if you can in front of this group and tell your story, it's another way of breaking down th barrier. >> i didn't want to disappoint my pops and geo kicked . i took it. at that moment i turned around and wlked away and a tear came out of my eye because i felt like what have i gotten myself into. >> i hate s.mornin there's nothing worse than waking up from your dreams to a cell whose 6x9 confines stretches to the horizon of youu ure. it's like waking up in a tomb. it's a reminder that to society, your friends, to your high school sweetheart, you're dead. >> people have their own preconceptions about what people in prison are about. i think these pieces break down

thewalls. it's more complex than what your prejudices are. >> we did a skit where i portrayed someone living an alternative lifestyle.ng surpri enough, i really had the time of my life. i was onstage talking about, uh-uh, no you didn't, hold up, hold up, hold up. now, i am all woman, honey. and still more than a man that you will ever be. okay? [ laughter >> people in prison a people. there are some very bad people. and there are some people who made somemistakes. but ultimately they'ree. peo and they're as complex as you and i and the rest of society is. >> one thing i am n is some goodie goodie who thinks he's great guy for taking all these groups at san quentin. because when i look atat w i've

done, which is commit two murders, i know i could never call self a great guy. i've taken lives. i've hurt two families in ways that i can neverfix. i've hurt my family. my community. so calling myself a great guy just isn't possible. >> people, we work hard to change our lives. we want to be different. we don't want to be that same person at we used to be. >> they taughtec me to co my mom's cries to the cries of the victims of my >> i'm here to help everybody tell their story. it>> put me on a path to see these painful truths about myself. it also showed me that being able to change my life isn't just a mandatory part of my sentence. it's a blessing, which does not make me a great guy. i can be.best tha thank you. [ applause ]

♪ >> and joining me now is someone whose family was shattered by e violent cret has become a vocal supporter of the value of rehabilitation. dionne wilson is from californians for safety and justice, welcome. >> thank you. >> i wa watching you while watching that piece, you were ly visibly de moved. you yourself are a passionate advocate for rehabilitation. how you got there, though, h beenan unexpected journey. your husband was a leandr n ten oht you got a knock on the door. >> yeah, dan was answering

routine calls, guys were out in front of an apartment ofmplex. onthem, irving ramirez, had a searchable proba boncause he had been cycling in and out of the system for some time. g he had ts and drugs on him. so instead of running or going back to jail, he decided tooo my husband. >> and he shot him seven times. you made a powerful statement to the jury. what did you say about irving ramirez? >> i said he was a monster and e that herved to die. i wanted him to burn in hell. i was so angry. i was full of rage and vengeance. and i jus -- i didn't know want to -- i didn't know what to do other than just -- i just wanted him to suffer as much as i was suffering. >> andca yet you involved in working with prisoners. why?er >> a about 4 1/2 years of feeling that way, i became so

exhausted, i couldn't do it anymore. it takes a lot of energy to hate like that. and i wore mysel out. i couldn't do it anymore. and i needed a different path. and i was a --ot of things happened in between, but i was introduced to iight prison project. they invited me to go inside of a prison and share my story with people who had committed murder. and i thought, ooh, this is my chance, i'm going to tell them, you know thatl of the consequences of their actions. and when sat there with people who had caused this level ofha , and then told them my ory, and they -- they cried with me, they were-- you could tell that there was something going on there that was so far beyond what i thought was

possible. and i was looking at transformed people and their stories helped heal me. >> what is the single biggest life lesson which you've learned through your work with inmates? >> i think the biggest lesson is that people are redeemable, that we're not the worst thing we've ever done, thates uved trauma, trauma that isn't acknowledged in people's lives from when they were veryoung has a profound effect on people and causes them to dohings they wouldn't otherwise do. an i just believed that barring extreme mental illness that we're all, we're all redeemable. and weall deserve tha chance to transform our lives and do something better.

>> there is definitelyositive value in hearing their stories. whatuld you say to those who are reluctant to hear their stories, saying these are men who did terrible elings? i know how you feel, one of the things i would say. i was there. i didn't want to hear it. i didn't want to hearall the things irving had gone through in his childhood, how that hadh affected life, how his mother struggled to dot be the she could for him. i didn't care. i didn'want to hear it. at some point it broke through. and i would just say, think back on your own life and how negative experiences havect im you, and maybe made you do something that you weren't -- that you didn't really think you were capable of doing. and how that impacts others. and just open upt. a little >> dionne wilson, we certainly are thankfulou took theime to be with us today and share

with us your story. >> i really appreciate it, thank you. >> let's go for yoto a few of the stories these inmates have written and inside san quentin. ♪ >> hello, ladies aentlemen. my name is azraal "bigass" ford. i grew up in southern california where drugs and crime ruled the day. by the time i was 21, every one of my frids had been to prison already. it wasn't a place where a kid uld grow into a good man. i covered myself with thattoos f hate and violence. in th state prison system, my world was validated. i was ebraced for hating. i was embraced for being

violent. i worked through the world like a dark knight, i let people know, if you mess with me, i'll ss youup, because that's how life is in here. or that's what we tell ourselves. but then i hear about the shespeare group. san quentin shakespeare, you have to be kidding me. all right, i'll check it out. they're like, okay, to pretend to be nature. pretend to bebea i'm 280 pounds, how am i going right? bee, just pretend. i'm like, all right, i'll pretend. now i'll be a butterfly.? who, me i'm not a butterfly. but tried it. i flapped my wings. people are being rabbits and people are being rocks.i' here this butterfly flying around. i start to laugh, it's like, okay, this is ptty cool, because when you laugh, you experience something that takes you beyond the negativity. i start to go, and then tgiey us the play they want to

do, and it's "julius caesar," everybody is like, you'll make a great j iuscaesar. i guess, but i don't think so, because i've never acted before. here's my resume, i've been a bee and a butterfly, now you want me to be juliu esar. but okay. so i get cast at julius acaesar. >> antony. >> caesar, my lord. >>nd there was a guy, his name is lee, they call him maverick. he was playing markantony, caesar's best friend, almost like his brother. lee maverick is black. i'm white. right? that usually doesn't happen in prison. so now we're acting, we have to be best friends, we're comrades, we're you know, like brothers. so they bring in the costumes. y i put it on the tunic is really tight. everything was for small people. it's riding up. all right, cool. we do the play.

the senate kills caesar. m'm laying there on the stage dead. erick comes up and heaves me on his shoulder, he ts me up there, i'm playing dead. when he slid me across the stage, that tight tunic pulled up. now my butt is hanging out. i can't do anything because i'm supposed to be dead. acting is an art. you have to be dead when you're do dead. i'm over maverick's shoulder. i hear this laughter. they're not laughing at me. they're laughing at what we're shing with them. it's something people don't expect prisoners to do. it was at that moment that i realized you know wha the goodness is back, i found it. i found it in myself but also found it in the community at san quentin,ith the men who -- you know, they inspire that in each nther. they're bent o reaching thatg l. they want to be good people

again, they want to give back. it was just like, i look at the people that had acted in the shakespeare with me, i saw their beauty. i w those roses. so if we would all just take time to nurture that rose within us, we could all be beautiful flowers. thank you. [ applause ] ♪ >> my name iseric. i got to san quentin in 198 it was told to me san quentin was one of the most violent prisons california. all i need to know is safety first, keep me head on a civil, and as soon as i get situated, get ae. a lot of guys tougher than me didn't make it. a loof guys weak than me didn't make it. a lot of guards didn't make it. after running with the fellas for so long, my bad behavior and actions, my nonhumanitarian ot thoughts, i lucky. i got transferred.

i made my way through the different prison now i'm back to the 2016, the more rehabilitative san quentin. they have volunteers ming in, teaching nonviolent conflict resolutions. they taught me the rd, stop, think, observe, process that ares, situations already violent, how not to overreact. i love you white people coming in here teaching me this stuff, i love it. now, in here, weive in a closet. a one-man closet with two men in it. a sink, a toilet. no willow. we get the guys sometimes that don't want to go nowhere, they just wt to sta in the cell 24 hours a day. they moved me with this ca he tell me, let me tell you something about myself. said ahead. he said, i don't do self-help. i don't go to the yard. i don'tenwork. go eat, i come back. when i go to the doctor, i come

back. when i go shower, i come back. i said, whatbout me? don't i get some me time or something? sai get it any way you can. now, the old me, at that precise moment, i would have slapped him, i would have initiated no matter who he was, who he knew, i would have initiated the get-down. but the new me, the soft eric, i said, do you like football? he said, yeah, i like football too on sundays. but when i watch football, i watch football naked. and when i'm watching football, i eat nachos, naked. iall it naked nacho sunday. you should have seen his face. he looked at me like, uh-oh. at that precise moment, chow

sime, time to eat. one of my b was coming down, he said, eric, you moved in with that cat that don't go nowhere. i just looked there and there's nothing in there but your stuff. i said, i guess he went somewhere. nonviolent communication. i'm so dedicated to nonviolence, the new eric,goou all those websites out there, i'm going to get me one. www.whoknowscrimebetter. ask the convict eric. thank you. [ applause ] >> i'll never forget my first morning at san quentin. it was breakfast time, i step into this noisy chow hall.er i'm wog, what do all these people have to talk about at0 in the morning? the correctional officers says to me, how are you doing thi

morning at first i gave him a double take, i think he's messing with me. i just don't have the precede to process this kind act. um high desert, a max security prison where i did most of my time, an officer wouldn't ask me how s doing. it didn't happen in that environment. i'm looking at this guy as i've moving through the chow line. he's nodding, he's enouraging. i realize, this guy is serious, he really wants to know how i'm doing. i tell him, i like, i'm good. he's nodding his head, thumbs up. he's smiling. adm smiling. i move a in the line, move eo the next section of the chow hall. encounter ends. but the smile continues. this officer probably didn't know be. use he took the time to connect with my humanity when he

didn't have to, i suddenly felt inspired to connecton with evearound me. i asked more people that day how they were doing tedan i had a since i had been incarcerated. and i learned something. the power that an individual has to change the world with something as small as how are you doing this morning. see, because his words lifted my mood, and becau i was happier throughout the day, i was kinder. so i ensioned this cycle where my kindness makes someone else kinder, which lifts someone else up, until we're all smiling on top of the world. now, i don't want to represent that all correctional officers are humanitarians. because they're just not. [ laughter ] but i ilso think's important to note that this wasn't just like a fluke. see, i live in west block on the fourth tier. every night i hear o thisicer as he's walking down the tier at last count time.

the reason why iear hims because he's stopping at guys' cells, asking them about their day. he's just doing the things that human beings do when they want each other to know that you matter. and so every night when he comes by my cell, i stop whatever i'm doing, watching tv, reading a book,li i'm e, good night, brother. he continues with the count, getting rea to go home to his family. before he leaves he says, good night, brothers, gentlemen, lady, good night. [ applause ] ♪ >> do yoin ddubitably, man. >> i'm joined now by troy williams who was an inma at

ven quentin and was paroled in 2014, nice to ou here. >> nice to be here. >> you know every one of those men we just saw. you were there yqurself at san tin. what is it likeat to them tell their stories? >> my heart goes out. i see a bunch of w men deserve a second chance, who need another second chance. and seeing so much that they can contribute out here. >> and you spent nearly 20 years of your life in prison. >> yes. >> and you're getting a second chance. you participated in many hihabilitation programs wle you were there. was there arn single tng point while you were on the inside? >> i wouldn't say a single point. i think it was ain slow tu for me, being able to watch other n beexamples, to see people come in and offer me a new set of tool and watching certain people in the administration who walk with integrity, i think ey were all moments that allowed me to really reflect on my life a lot deeper. >> what were some of the tools that the rehab programs gave

you? >> one is really just the ability to look back, the fl ability to t on moments of my life, when i didn't make the right cision, havin the courage to sit in that moment and look at it, we call it sitting in the fire, sittingth moment and take a look at how i behaved and what i wanted to do different, and knowing ew that i couldte that. >> you were paroled about two what has the transition been like for you to life outside prison? >> it's beautiful to be home. i'm soappy to be here. 's been a roller coaster ride, right? not every day is, you know, a great day. but my worst day out here beats my best day ever inside. so i have the ability to chacee, to influ change. that's what drives me, that's what pulls me every day. what are some of the challenges you face every day?

>> i think just dealing with my own mindset, rit? overcoming the triggers, overcoming things that used w get in t in the past, right? >> what would some of those things be? >> i'min theof guy who it was very difficult to ask for help, to ask for support. just having the strength to know that when something is going on with me, not to be the sits up and says, oh, i'm good, it's all good, but i can actually ask forelp and know that i have a very strong support system out here. >> what motivates you to do this work, to tell these stories and to do outreach and to really be ituation where there is some reconciliation and redemption. >> i l pok at all theple that i hurt. not only just the victims of my crime or thengs that i've done, but i look at how i even hurty own children, how i hurt my own mother, the things that i put them through. and how iasted my own life.

and never wanting to see anothee kid who at age of 13, just because he's looking for somebody to love him, he decides join a gang, right? that motivation, that pulls me every i know i can't go back and rewind the clock for me. but ican certainly try to influence want clock for somebody else. ese hat are you up to t days? what are you doing now? >> i am in juvenile facilities, working with young people. i developed a program they' utilizing there. i do media work, i continue to produce film and radio. the hope is to stay connected tt san quentin ahe men inside who want to tell their stories and help the formerly incarcerated to continue to tell eirs. >> what's the biggest value for you in making su their stories are made public? >> the public gets to see a side n'of life that they d get to see. certain media suggests fear.

and that's not who we are. we're people, we're human. we go through things for reason. for oy williams, thank you your insights, thank you for being here today. >> thank you. for all of kqed'e coverage, go to kqed.g. we're going to hear "dream of freedom" from an inmate who is g currently ser 15 years to life. i'm thuy vu. thanks for watching. ♪ this song is dedicated to everybody incarcerated now ♪ ♪ everybod worldwide, they got me dressed in a paper suit, shackl on a gray goose, looking out the window, wishing i could cut these chains ♪ ♪ california stat tampers with

the evidence to hang you ♪ ♪ d.a.'s coaching the tsses, no johnny cochran or dreameam to save me ♪ ♪ praying for the man that lost his life in this tragedyyi ♪ ♪ p for my son growing up without hi daddy ♪ ♪ they say god talks in my dreams, i'm waking up trying to remember what it means ♪ ♪ i had a dream i could buy my way to freedom ♪ ♪ i had a dream i could buy my way to freedom ♪ ♪ i had a dream

robert: speaker pelosi takes charge and divided government begins. i'm robert costa, welcome to "washington week." >> i ple that this congress will be transparent, bipartisan, and unifying. robert: the balce of power shifts as the government remains shut down. we're now entering a period of divided government but that's no excuse for gridlock or inaction. robert: the first order of siness for speaker pelosi reopening the government, but refusing to fund border wall. that has nothing to do with politics. it has to do with a i walls an immorality. robert: after a white house eting, a flicker of progress. >> we had a productive meeting today with speaker pelosi and senator schumer. we're all on the same path in terms of wanting to g government open.