> when a judge said punishable by death, i lost it. >> they're moving, funny, d surprising. inmates perform their own stories. >> when you're in prison for so long, you're used t one costume. and it's blue. we all look like smurfs in here. >> hello and welcome. i'm uy vu. tonight we bring you a kqed newsroom special. "stand up san entin." inmates here are doing time for crimes like murder and assault. once known for violence, today san quentin has one of the most rehabilitative programs in the prison system. later we'll talk to a victims rights advocate whose husband

was murdered. she'll tell us what she learned while volunteeng in san quentin. first we'll look at inmates participating in a unue rogram. one that's helping them tell their stories in their own words. ♪ >> when a person decides to change, ty want everyone to t ow that they've changed. so it's importan get that out. television porays prison as this negative place where people are just running around being violent. but san quentin is actually totally opposite from that. these guys are going to college eve day. they're going to self-help groups. they're going to religious services. everyone here is trying to get out of prison, not stay in

prison. >> i got to san quentin in 1984 via l.a. county jail. i was told -- since 2012 we've been working on a storytelling project andre lly the overarching idea is to tell the hidden stories of life inside told from the perspective of those who live >> as soon as i got off the bus, i got era cold because i wasn't wearing underwear. that's how they transported us back in th day, buck naked with a red jumpsuit if the bus crashed and you escaped, you would be running around naked. >> this project was put together by the san quentin media production team. >> i'm nervous, that's whathis is. >> we helped the men edit their stories d present them. >> so i covered myself in in tat hos ofte and violence. >> it gives guys a little more courage to say, okay, i might be able to do that one day.

>> more than anything, that reallycared me. >> i think it also makes vulnerability look okay. because if you can be vulnerabl in front of this group and tell your story, it's another way of breaking dn the barrier. >> i didn't want to disappoint my pops and get kicked iout. took it. at that moment i turned around and walked away and a tear came out of my eye because i like what have i gotten myself into. mornings. there's nothing worse than waking up from your dreams to a cell whose 6x9 confiness stretco the horizon of your future. it's like waking up in a tomb. it's a reminder that to society, your friends, to yourho high sweetheart, you're dead. >> people have their own preconceptions about what people in prison are about. i think these pieces break down

the walls. it's more complex than what your prejudices are. >> we did a skit where i portrayed someone living na altve lifestyle. surprisingly enough, i really had the time of my life. i was onstage talking about, uh-uh, no you didn't, hold up, hold up, hold up. ow, i am all woman, honey. and stillre than a man that you will ever be. okay? [ lghter ] >> people in prison are people. there are some very bad people. and there are some people who made some misbkes. ultimately they're people. and they're as complex asou and i and the rest of society is. >> one thing i am s not ise goodie goodie who thinks he's great guy for taking a these groups at san quentin. because when i look at whatve

done, which is commit two murders, i know i could never call myself a great guy. i've taken lives. i've hurt two families ins w that i can never fix. i've hurt my family. my community. so calling myself a great guy just isn't possible. >> people, we work hard to change our liv w. nt to be different. we don't want to be that same person that weseto be. >> they taught m to connect my mom's cries to the cries of the victims of my families. >> i'm here to help everybody tell their story. >> it put me on a path to see these painful truths about myself. but it also showed me that being ableyo change life isn't just a mandatory part of my sentence. it's a blessinhich does not make me a great guy. just the best that i can be.u. thank [ applause ]

♪ >> andoining me now is someone whose family was shattered by violent crime yet has become a vocal supporterf the value of rehabilitation. dionne wilson is fromli rnians for safety and justice, welcome. >> thank you. >>tc i was wng you while watching that piece, you were visibly deeply moved. you yourself are a passionate n.vocate for rehabilitat how you got there, though, has been an unexpected journey. your husband was a leandro. ten one night y got a knock on the door. >> yeah, dan was answering routine calls, guys were out in

front of an apartment complex. one of them, irving ramirez, had a searchable probation because he had been cycling in and out s of them for some time. he had two guns and drugs on him. so instead of running or going back to jail, he decided to shoot my husband >> and he shot him seven times. you made p aerful statement to the jury. what did you say about irving ramirez? >> i said he was a monster and that he deserved to die. i want him to burn in hell. i was so angry. i was full of rage and vengeance. and i justno- i didn't want to -- i didn't know what to do other than just -- i just wanted him to suffer as much as i was suffering. >> and yet you became involved in working with prisoners. why? >> after about 4 1/2 years of feeling thaway, i became so

exhauste i couldn't dot anymore. it takes a lot of energy to hate like that. and i wore myself out. i couldn't do it anymore. and i needed a different path. and i was -- a lot of things happened in between, but i was introduced to insight prison project. they invited me to go insi of a prison and share my story with people who had committed murder. andh, thought, o this is my chance, i'm going to tell them, you know,t that all o consequences of their actions. a when isat there with people who had caused this level of harm, and then told them my story, and they -- they cried with me, they were -- you could tell that there was something going on there that was so far beyond what i thought was

possie. and i was looking at transformed people and theirtories helped heal me. >> what is the single biggest life lesson which you've lear ed through yrk with inmates? >> i think the biggestesson is that people are redeemable, that we're not the worst thing w've ever done, that unresolved trauma, trauma that isn't acknowledged in people's lives from when they were very young has a profound effect and causes them to do things they wouldn't oerwisedo. and i just believed that barring extreme mental llness, that we're all, we're all redeemable. and we all deserve that chance to transform our lives and do something better.

there is definitely positive value in hearing their stories. what would you say to those who are reluctanthto hearr stories, saying these are men who did terrible feelings? is oneow how you feel, of the things i would say. i was there. i didn't want to hear it. i didn't want to hear all thehi s irving had gone through in his childhood, how that had affected his life, how his mother struggled to dot bee th uld for him. i didn't care. i didn't want to hear it. at some point it broke throuldh. and i wo just say, think back on your own life and how negative experiences have impacted you, and maybe made you do something that you weren't -- that youdidn't really think you were capable of doing. and how that impacts others. and just open up a little bit. >> dionne wilson,erweinly are thankful you took the time to be with us today and sharer

with us ystory. >> i really appreciate it, thank you. >> let's goor you to a few of the stories these inmates have written and performed fqum inside satin. ♪ dies and gentlemen. my name is azraal "big ass" rd. i grew up in southern california where drugs and crime ruled the day. by the time i was 21, every one of my friendso had been prison already. it wasn't a place where a kid could grow into a good man. i covered myself with thattoos f hate and violence. in the state pris system, my world was validated. i was embraced for hating. i was embraced for being

violent. i worked through the world l dk k knight, i let people know, if you mess with me, i'll mess you up, because that's how here.s in or that's what we tell ourselves. but then i hearout the shakespeare group. san quentin shakespeare, you have to be kidding me.l ight, i'll check it out. they're like, okay, we're goi to pretend to be nature. pretend to be a bee. i'm 280 pounds, how am i going to be a bee, ght? jus pretend. i'm like, all right, i'll pretend. now i'll be a butterfly. me? i'm not a butterfly. but i tried it. i flapped my wings. peoples re being rabbd people are being rocks. here i'm this butterfly flying around. i start to laugh, it's like, okay, this is pretty cool, because when you laugh, you experience something that takes you beyo the negativity. i start to go, and then they give us the play they want to do, and it's "julius caesar,"

everybody is like, you'll make a great julius caesar. i guess, but i don't think so, because i've never acted before. here's m b resume, i'ven a bee and a butterfly, now you want me to be julius caesar. but okay. so i get cast at julius caesar. >> mark antony. >> caesar, my lord. >> and there as a guy, his name is lee, they call him maverick.i he was plang mark antony, caesar's bestlm friend,st like his brother. lee maverick is black. i'm white. right? that usually doesn't happen in pron. so nwe're acting, we have to be best friends, we're comrades, we're you know, like brothers. so they bring in thecostumes. y i put it on. the tic is really tight. everything was for small people. it's riding up. all right, cool. we do ty. p

the senate kills caesar. i'm laying there on the stage dead. maverick comes up and heaves me on his shoulder, he gets me up there, i'm playing dead. when he slid me across the t staget tight tunic pulled up. now my b is hanging out. i can't do anything because i'm supposed to be dead. acting is an art. ou have to be dead when you're do dead. i'm over maverick's shoulder. i hear this laughter. they're not laughing at me. they're laughing at what we're sharingth them. it's something people don't expect prisoners to do. it was at that moment that i realized, you know what, the goodness is back, i found it. iound it in myself but also found it in the community at san quentin with then who -- you know, they inspire that in each other. they're bent on reaching that goal. they want to be good people

again, thy want to give back. it was just like, i looked at the people that had acted in the shakespeare with me, i sawhe t beauty. i saw those roses. so if we would all just take time to nurturehat roseithin us, we could all be beautiful flowers. thank you. [ applause ] ♪ >> my name iser . i got to san quentin in 1984. it was told to me san quentin was one of the most violent prisons in. californ all i need to know is safety first, keep me head on a sivil, and n as i get situated, get a knife. a lot of guys tougher didn't make it. a lot of guys weaker than me didn't make it. a lot of guards didn't make it. fellasunning with the for so long, my bad behavior and actions, my nonhumanitarian thohts, i gotlucky. i got transferred.

i made my way through the different prisons. now i'm back to the 2016, the more rehabilitative san quentin. they have volunteers coming in, teaching nonviolent conflict resolutions. they taught me the word,stop, think, observe, process situations, situations that are already violent, how not to overreact. i love you white people coming in here teaching me i love it. now, in here, we live in closet. a one-man closet with two men in it. a sink, a toilet. no window. we all get the guys sometimes that don't want to go nowhere, they just want to stay in the cell 24 hours a they moved me with this cat, he tell me, let me tell you something about myself. i said go ahead. he said, i don't do self-help. i don't go to the yard. i don't work. when i go eat, i come back. when i go to the doctor, ime

back. when i go shower, i come back. i said, what about me? don't i get some me time or something? he said, get it any way you can. now, the old me, at that precise moment, i would have slapped him, i would have initiated contacted. no matter who he was, who he knew, i would have initiated the get-down. but te new me, the soft eric, i said, do you like football? he said, yeah, i like football oo on sundays. but when i watch otball, i watch football naked. and when i'm wtching football, i eat nachos, naked. i call k nacho sunday. you should have seen his face. he looked at me like, uh-oh. at that precise moment, chow time, time to eat.

one of my boys was coming wn, he said, eric, you moved in witt at that don't go nowhere. i just loed inhere and there's nothing in there but your stuff. i said, i guess he went somewhere. nonviolent communication. i'm so dedicated tononviolence, the new eric, you got all those tobsites out there, i'm goin get me one. www.whoknowscrimebetter. ask the convict eric. thank you. [ applause ] >> i'll never forget my first morning at san quentin. it was breakfast time, i step into this noisy chow hall. i'm wondering, what do all these people have toalk about at 5:00 in the morning? the correctional officers says to me, how a you doing this

morning? at first i gave him a double take, i think he's messing with me. i just don't have the precedent to process this kind act. in high desert, a maximum security prison where i did most of my tim an officer wouldn't ask me how i was doing. it didn't happen in that environment. i'm looking at thi guy as i've moving through the chow line. he's nodding, he's encouraging. irealize, this guy is serious, really wants to know how i'm doing. i tell him, i'm like, i'm good. you good? he's nodding his head, thumbs up. he's smiling. i'm smiling. i move ahead in t line, move to the next section of the chow oull. the eer ends. but the smile continues. this officer probably didn't know it. because he took the time to connect with myn humanity he

didn't have to, i suddenly felt inspired to connect with everyone around m i asked more people that day how they were doing than i had asked since i had been incarcerated. and i learned hing. the power that an individual has to change the world with something as small as how are you doing this morning. see, because his words lifted my happier because i was throughout the day, i was kinder. so i envisioned this cycle where my kindness makes someone else kinder, which lifts someone else up, until we're all smiling on top of the world. now,n't want to represent that all correctional officers are humanitarians. because they're just not. [ laughter ] but i also tnk it's important to note that this wasn't just like a fluke. see, i live in west block on the fourth tier. every night i hear this officer as he's walking down the last count time.

the reason why i hear him is because he's stopping at guys' cells, asking them about their day. he's just doing the things that human beings do when they want each other to know that you matter. and so every night when he comes by my tcell, i whatever i'm doing, watching tv, reading a book, i'm like, good night, brother. he continues with the count, getting ready to go home to his family.av before he l he says, good night, brothers, gentld en, lady, gght. [ applause ] ♪ >> endo yoin ddubitably, man. >> i'm joined now by troy williams who was an inmate at

san quentin and was paroled in 2014, ce to have you ere. >> nice to be here. >> you know every one of those men we just saw. you were there yourself at san quentin. what is it like to watch them tell their stories? >> my heart goesout. i see a bunch of men who deserve a second chance, who need another second chance. and seeing so much that they can contribute out re. >>nd you spent nearly 20 years of your life in prison. >> yes. >> and you're getting a second chancat you partic in many rehabilitation programs while you were there. was there a single turning point while you were on the inside? >> i wouldn't say a single point. i think it was a slow turning for me, being able t watch other men be examples, to see people come in and offer m new set of tools, and watching certain people in the administraon who wa with integrity, i think they weremll ents that allowed me to really reflect on my life a lot deeper. s >> what wereme of the tools that the rehab programs gave

you? >> one is really just the ability to look back, the ability to reflect on moments of my life, whendidn't make the right decision, having the courage to sit in that moment and look at it, we call it itting in the fire, sitting in the moment andke a look at how i behaved and what i wanted to do different, and knowing that could rewrite that. >> you were paroled about two years ago. what has th transition been like for you to life outside prison? >> it's beautiful to be home. i'm so happy to be here. it's been a roller coaster ride, right? not every day is, you know, a great day. but my worst day out he beats my best day ever inside. so i have the ability to change, influence change. that's what drives me, that's what pulls me every day. >> whre some of the challenges you face every day?

>> i think just deali with my own mindset, right? overcoming the triggers, overcoming things that used to get in the way in the past, right? >> what would some of those things be? >> i'm they kind of g who it was very difficult to ask for help, to ask for support. just havithe strength to know that when something is going on with me, not to be the guy whon sits up says, oh, i'm good, it's all good, but i can actually ask for help and know that i have a very strong support system out ere. >> what motivates you to do this work, to tell these stories and to do outreach and to really be in a situation where there is some reconciliation and redemption. the people that i hurt. not only just the victims of my crime or the wrongs that i've done, but i look at how i even hurt my own children, how i hurt my own mother, theha thingsi put them through. and how i wasted my own fe.

and never wanting to see another kid who at the age of 13, just because h 's lookingr somebody to love him, he decides to join a ang, right? that motivation, that pulls me every day. i know i can't go back and rewind the clock for me. but i can certainly try to influence want clock for somebody else. >> what are you up to these days? what are you doing now? >> i am in juvenile facilities, working with young people. i developed a programut they're izing there. i do media work, i continue toi produce and radio. the hope is to stay connected to san q ntin and the meninside who want to tell their stori and help the formerly incarcerated to continue to tell theirs. >> what's the biggest value for you in making sure their stories are made public? >> the public gets to see a side of life that they don't get to see. certain media suggests fear.

and that's not who we are. we're people, we're human. reason.hrough things for >> troy williams, thank you for your insights, thank you for being here today. >> thank you. for all of kqed's news coverage, go to kqed.org. we're going to hear "dream of freedom" from an inmate who is currently serving 15 years to life. i'm thuy vu. thanks forch watg. ♪ this song is dedicated t everybody incarcerated now ♪ ♪ everybody worldwidhey got me dressed in a paper suit, shackled on aray ose, looking out the window, wishing i could cut these chains ♪ ♪ california state tampers with

the evidence to hang you ♪ ♪ d.a.'s coaching the witnesses, no johnny cochran or dream team to save me ♪ ♪ praying for theat man t lost his life in this tragedy ♪ ♪ praying for my son growing up without his daddy ♪ ♪ they say god talks i my dreams, i'm waking up trying to remember what it means ♪ ♪ i had a dream could buy my way to freedom ♪ ♪ i had a dream i could buy my way to freedom ♪ ♪ i had a dream

robert: speaker pelosi takes charge and divided government begins. i'm robert costa, welcome to "washington week." >> i t pledge thats congress will be transparent, bipartisan, and unifying. robert: the balance of power shifts as the government remains shut down.>> we're now entering a period of divided government but that's no excuse for gridlock or inaction. robert: the first order of business for speaker pelosi reening the government, but refusing to fund a borde wall. >> that has nothing to do with politics. it has to do with a wall is an immorality. robert: after a white house meeting, a flicker of progress. >> we had a productive meeting today with speaker pelosi and senatorechumer. well on the same path in terms of wanting to get government open.