when a judge said punishable by death, i lost it. >> they're moving, funny, and surprising. inmates perform their own stories. when you're in prison for so long, you're used to one um co and it's blue. we all look like smurfs in here. >> hello and welcome. i'm thuy vu. tonight we bring you a kqed newsroom special. "stand up san quentin." inmates here are doing time for crimes like murder and assault. once known for violence, today san quentin has one of the most

rehabilitative programs in the prison system. later we'll talk to a victims rights advocate whose husband was murdered. she'll tell us what she learned while volunteering in san quentin. first we'll look atnmes participating in a unique program. one that's helping them tell their stories in their own wods. ♪ >> when a person decides to change, they want everyone to know that they've changed. so it's important to get tha out. television portrays prison as is negative place where people are just ruing around being violent. but san quentin is actually totally opposite from that. these guys are going to college every day. they're going to self-help

groups. they're going to religious services. everyone here is trying to get out of prison, not stay in prison. >> i got to san quentin in 1984 via l.a. countyl. j i was told -- >> since 2012 we've been worki a storytelling project and really the overarching idea is to tell theesidden sto of life inside told from the perspective of those who live it. >> i as soon got off the bus, i got extra cold because i wasn't wearing underwear. thas how theyransported us within the day, buck naked a red jumpsuit. if the bus crashed and you escaped, you would be around naked. >> this project was put together by the san quentin media productionte . >> i'm nervous, that's what this is. >> we helped the men ed their stories and present the >> so i covered myself in in tattoos of hate and violence.

>> ittives guys a l more courage to say, okay, i might be able to do that one day. >> more than anything, that really scared me. >> i think it also make vulnerability look okay. because if you can be vulnerable in front of this group and tell your stort'another way of breaking down the barrier. >> i didn't want to disappoint my pops and get kicked out. i to it. at that moment i turned around and walked away and a tear came out ofy eye becau i felt like what have i gotten myself in io. hate mornings. there's nothing worse than waking up from your dreams to a cell whose 6x9 confines stretches to the horizon of your future. it's le waking up in a tomb. it's a reminder that to society, your friends, to your high school sweetheart, you're dead. >> people have their own preconceptions about what

in prison are about. i think these pieces break down the walls. t's more complex than what your prejudices are. >> weid a skit where i me portrayed sone living an alternative lifestyle. surprisingly enough, i really had the time of my life. i was onstage talking about, uh-uh, no you didn't, hold up, hold up, hold up. now, i am all woman, honey. and still more th a man that you will ever be. okay? [ laughter ] >> people in prison are people. there are some very people. and there are some people who made some mistakes. but ultimately they're people. d they're as complex as you and i and the rest of society is. >> one thing i am not is some goodie goodie who thinks he's

great guy for taking all these groups at san quentin. because when i look at what i've done, which is commit two murders, i know i could never call myself a great guy. i've taken lives. i've hurt two families in ways that i canever fix. i've hurt my family. my community. so calling myself a great guy just isn't possible. >> people, we work hard to o chang lives. we want to be different. we don't want to be that same person that we used to be. >> they taught me to connect my mom's cries to the cries of the victims of my families. >> i here to help everybody tell their story. >> it put m on a pato see these painful truths about myself. but it alsome showed that being able to change my life isn't just a mandatory part of my sentence. it's a blessing, which does not make me a great guy.

just the best that i can be. thank you. [ applause ] ♪ >> and joini me no is someone whose family was shattered by violent crime yet has a become vocal supporter of the value of rehabilitation. dionneiln is from californians for safety and justice, welcome. >> tnk you. >> i was watching you while watching that piece, you were visibly deeply moved. you yourself are a passionate advocate for rehabilitation. how youth got e, though, has been an unexpected journey. your husband was a leandro.

ten one night you got a knock on the door. >> yeah, dan was answering routi calls, guys were out in front of an apartment complex. one of them, irving ramirez, had a searchable probation because he had been cycling in and out of the systemme for time. he had two guns and drugs on hof. so instea running or going back to jail, he decided to shoot my husband. >> and shot him seven times. you made a powerful statement to the jury. what did you say about irving mi z? >> i said he was a monster and that he deserved to die. i wanted him to burn in hell. i was so angry. i was full of rage and vgeance. and i just -- i didn't know want to -- i didn't know what to do other than just i just wanted him to suffer as much as i was suffering. nd yet you became involved in working with prisoners.

why? >> after about 4 1/2 years of feeling that way, i became so exhausted, i couldn't do it anymore. it takes a lot of energy to hate like that. and i wore myself out i couldn't do it anymore. and i needed a different path. and i was -- a lot of things happened in between, but i was introduced to insight prison project. they invited me to go inside of a prison and share my story with people who had committed murder. and i thought, ooh, this is my chance, i'm going to tell them, you know, that all of the consequenceshe of actions. and when i sat there with people who had caused this level of harm, and then told them my story, and they -- they cried with me, they were -- you couldt tell t there was something hoing on there that was so far

beyond i thought was possible. and i was looking at transformed people and their stori helped heal me. >> what is the single biggest life lesson which you've learned through your work with inmates? >> i think the biggest lesson is that people are redeemable, that we're not t worst thing we've ever done, that unresolved trauma, trauma that isn't acknowledged in ople's lives from when they were very young has a profound effect on people and causes them to do things they wouldn't otherwise do. and i just believed that barring extreme mental illness, that we're all, we're all edeemable. and we all deserve that chance r. transform our lives and do

something bet >> there is definitely positive value in hearing their stories. what would you say to those who are reluctant to hear their stories, saying these are men w did terrible feelings? >> i know how you feel, is one of the things i would say. i was there. i didn't want to hear it. i didn't want to hear all the thingsgo irving had through in his childhood, how that had affected his le,ow his mother strgled to dot be the be she could for him. i didn't care. i didn't want to hear it. at some point it broke through. and i would just say, think back on your own life and how negative experiences have impacted you, and maybe made you do something that you weren't -- ally think yout were capable of doing. and how that impacts others. and just open up a little bit.

>> dionne wilson, we certainly are thankful you took the time to be with today and share with us your story. >> i really appreciate it, tha you. >> let's go for you to a few of the stories these inmates have ritten a performed from inside san quentin. ♪ >> hello, ladies and gentlemen. my name is azraal "big ass" ford. i grew up in southern where drugs and crime ruled the day. by the time i was 21, every one of my friends had been to prison already. it wasn't a place where a kid could grow into a go ma i covered myself with thattoos f hate and violenc in the state prison system, my

world was validated. i was embraced for hating. i was embraced for being violent. i worked through the world like a dark knight, let people know, if you mess with me, i'll mess you up because that' how life is in here. or that's what we tell ourselves. but then i hear about the shakespeare group. san quentinarshakes you have to be kidding me. all right, i'll check it out. they're like, okay, we're going to pretend to be naure. pretend to be a bee. i'm 280 pounds, how am i going to be a bee, right? pretend. i'm like, all right, i'll 'lpretend. now be a butterfly. who, me? i'm not a butterfly. but i tried it. i flapped my wings. people are being rabbits ande peoare being rocks. here i'm this butterfly flying around. i start to laugh, it's like, okay, this is pretty cool, because when you laugh, you experience something that takes you beyond the negativity.

itart to go, and then they give us the play they want to do, and it's "julius caesar," everybody is like, you'll ke a great julius caesar. i guess, but't i dhink so, because i've never acted before. here's my resume, i've been aan d a butterfly, now you want me to be julius caesar. but okay. so i get cast at juliuscaesar. >> mark antony. >> caesar, my rd. >> and there was a guy, his name is lee,imthey call maverick. he was playing mark antony, caesar's best friend, almost like his brother. leeri ma is black. i'm white. ight? that usuallyesn't happen in prison. so now we're acting, we have to be best fends, we're comrades, we're you know, like brothersey so bring in the costumes. y i put it on.

the tunic is really tight.s everything for small people. it's riding up. all right, cool. we do the play. the senate kills caesar. i'm laying there on thetage dead. maverick comes up and heaves me on his shoulder, he gets me up r the, i'm playing dead. when he slid me across the stage, that tight tunic pulled. now my butt is hanging out. i can't do anythg because i'm supposed to be dead. acting is an art. you have to be de when you're do dead. i'm over maverick's shoulder. i hear this telau they're not laughing at me. they'retaughing at w we're sharing with them. it's something people don't expect prisoners to do. it was at that moment that i realized, you know what, the goodness ck, i found it. i found it in myself but also found ity in the commun at san quentin, with the men who -- you know, they inspire that inch

other. they're bent on reaching that goal. they want to be good people again, they want to ge back. it was just like, i looked at the people that had acted in the shakespeare withme, i saw their beauty. i saw those roses. so if we would all just take time to nurture that rose withi us, we could ae beautiful flowers. thank you. [ applause ] ♪ >> my name is eric. i got to san quentin in 1984. it was told to me san quentin was one of the most violent prisons in california. all i need know is safety first, keep me head on a civil, and as soon as i get situated, get a knife. a lot of guys tougher than me didn't make it. a lot of guys weaker than met. didn't make a lot of guards didn't make it. after running with the fellas or so long, my bad behavior and actions, myonhumanitarian

thoughts, i got lucky. i got transferred. i made my way throu the different prisons. now i'm back to the 2016, the more rehabilitative san quentin. they have volunteers coming in, teaching nonviolent conflict . resolutio p, y taught me the word, st think, observe, process situations, situations that are already violent, how not tore ovt. i love you white people coming in here teaching me this stuff, i love it. now, in here, we live in a a one-man closet with two men in it. a sink, a toilet. no window. we allet the guys sometimes that don't want to go nowhere, they just want to stay in theou cell 24 a day. they moved me with this cat, he tell me, let me tell youth sog about myself. i said go ahead. he said, i don't do self-help.

i don't go to the yard. i don't work. when i go baeat, i come . when i go to the doctor, i come back. when i go shower, i come back. i said, what about don't i get some me time or something? he said, get ity way you can. now, the old me, at that precise moment, i would have slapped him,ou i have initiated contacted. no matter who he was, who he knew, i would have initiated the get-down. but the new me, the soft eric, i said, do you like football? he said, yeah, i like football too on sundays. but when i watch football, i watch football naked. and when i'm watching football, ked.t nachos, i call it naked nacho sunday. you should have sn his face. he looked at me like, uh-oh.

at that precise moment, chow e time, tto eat. one of my boys was coming down, he said, eric, you moved in with that cat that don't go nowhere. i just looked in there and there's nothing in there but your stuff. i said, i guess he went somewhere. nonviolent communicaon. i'm so dedicated to nonviolence, the new eric, you got all those websites out there, i'm going to et me one. www.whoknowscrimebetter. ask the convict eric. thank you. [ applause ] >> i'll never forget my first morning at san quentin.br it waskfast time, i step into this noisy chowhall. i'm wondering, what do all these people have to talk about at

5:00 in the morning? the correctional officers says to me, how are you doing this morning? at first i gave him a double take, i think he's messing with me. i just don't have the precedent to process this kind act. in high desert, a maximum security prison where i did most of my time, an officer wouldn't ask me how i was doing. it didn't happen in that environment. i've oking at this guy as moving through the chow line. he's nodding, he's encouraging. i reuylize, this is serious, he really wants to know how i'm doing. i tell him, i'm like, i'm good. you good? he's nodding hisa thumbs up. he's smiling. i'm smiling. i move ahead in the line, move to the next seion of the chow hall. the encounter ends. butthe smile continues.

this officer probably didn't know it. because he took the time to connect with my humanity when ht diave to, i suddenly felt inspired to connect with everyone around me. i asked mo people that day how they were doing than i had asked nce i had been incarcerated. and i learned something. the power that an individual has to change the world with something as sall as how are ou doing this morning. see,because his words lifted my mood, and because i was happier roughout the day,i was kinder. so i envisioned this cyclehere my kindness makes someone else , kindhich lifts someone else up, until we're all smiling on top of the world. now, i don't wa to represent that all correctional officers are humanitarians. because they're just not. [ laughter ] but i also think it's important to note that this wasn't just like a fluke. see, i live in west block on the

fourth tier. every night i hear this officer as he's walking down the tier at last count time. the reason why i hear him is because he's stopping at guys' cells, askingem about their day. he's just doing the things that human beings do when they want ach other to know that you matter. and so every night when he comes by my cell, i stop wha iver doing, watching tv, reading a book, i'm like, goonht, brother. he continues with the count, getting ready to go home to his family. before he leaves he says, good night, brothers, gentlemen, lady, good night. [ applause ] ♪ >> endo yoin ddubitably, man.

>> i'mn j now by troy williams who was an inmate at san quentin and was paroled in 2014, nice to have you here.ni >> to be here. >> you know every one of those men we just saw. you were there yourself at san quentin. what is it like to watch them tell their stories? >> my heart goes out. i see a bunch of men who deserve a second chance, who need e.other second cha and seeing so much that they can contribute out here. >> andea you spently 20 years of your life in prison. >> yes. >> and you'red getting a sec chance. you participated in many rehabilitation programs while you werthere. s there a single turning point while you were on the inside? >> i wouldn't say a single int. i think it was a slow turning for me, being able to watch other men be examples, to see people come in and offer me a newet of tools, and watching certain people in the administration who walk with integrity, i think they were all moments that allowed me to

really reflect on my life a lot deeper. >> what were some of athe tools the rehab progra gave you? >> one is really just the ability to look bac the ability to reflect on moments of my life, when i didn't mke the right decision, having the courage to sit in thatoment and look at it, we call it sitting in the fire, sitting in the moment and take a lek at how ived and what i wanted to do different, and knowing that i could rewrite that. >> you were paroled about two years ago. what has the traition been like for you to life outside prison?if >> it's bea to be home. i'm so happy to be here. it's been a roller coaster rideh not every day is, you know, a great day. but my worst d out here beats my best day ever inside. so i have the ability to change, to influence change.

that's what drives me, that's e what pulls mery day. >> what are some of the challenges you face every day? >> i think just dealing with my own mindset, right? overcoming t triggers, overcoming things that used to get in the way in thepast, right? >> what would some of those things be? >> i'm the kind of guy who it was very difficult to ask for a help, t for support. just having the strength to know that when something is going on with me, not to be the guy who sits up and sayh, i'm good, it's all good, but i can actually ask for help and know thave a very strong support system out here. >> what motivates you to do this work, to tell thesend stories to do outreach and to really be in a situation where there is some reconciliation and redemption. >> i look at all the people that i hurt. not only just the victims of my crime or the wrongs at i've done, but i look at how i even hurt my own children, h h it

my own mother, the things that i put them through. and how i wasted my own life. and never wanting to see another kid who at the age of 13, just because he's looking for somebody to love him, he decides to join a gang, right? that motivation, that pulls me every day. i know i can't go back and rewind the clock for me. but i can certainly try to influence want clock for somebody se. >> what are you up to these days? what are you doing now? >> i am in juvenile facilities, working with young people. i developed a program they're utilizing there. inu do media work, i con to produce film and radio. the hope is to stay connected to san quentin and the men insi who want to tell their stories and help the formerly incarcated to continue to tell theirs. >> what's the biggest value f you in making sure their stories are made public? >> the public getsto see a side of life that they don't get to

see. certain media suggests and that's not who we are. we're people, we're human. we go through things for reason. ms troy will thank you for your insights, thank you for being here today. >> thank you. for all of kqed's news coverage, go to kqed.org. we're going to hear "dream of om freedom" f an inmate who is currently serving 15 years to life. i'm thuyvu. thanks for watching. s ♪ thisng is dedicated to everybody incarceted now ♪ ♪ everybody worldwide, theyme g dressed in a paper suit, shackled on a gray goose,ki lo out the window, wishing i could cut these chains ♪

♪ california state tampers with the evidence to hang you ♪ ♪ d.a.'s coaching the witnesses, no johnny cochran or dream team to save me♪ ♪ praying for the man that lost his life in this tragedy ♪ ♪ praying for my son growing up without his daddy ♪ ♪ they y god talks in my dreams, i'm waking up trying to remember what it mean♪ ♪ i had a dream i could buy my wayee to fm ♪ ♪ i had a dream i could buy my way to freedom ♪ ♪ i had a dream

robert: democrats debate policy, and the o peter: record. i'm robert costa. welcome t"washington week." democrats spar over ideology and identity and direct their tharpest jabs at joe biden. >> you do g to hold the insurance companies to task for what they have been doing to american families. >> you'reiting into the cool aide and you don't even know the flavor. robert: but the former vice president fought back and decaded the obama administration. >> i was surprised about how much incoming there was aboutck bara. robert: and responses to a trade cut and the china talks hit a

roadblock. president