ani noced that someone d doloaded an inapproiatemage. was it you? well, it cou be. was it the fartingun? no, ben, it was tthe...farting . wait the tree man? n-- oras it that creepy dude o can lift things up wi hil n-- or was it that ev clo song? ben! wait the pekinese dog? causthat made me want tthroup. ben, i thi younow what i'm talki abo. it's a rude pa of lady with no clotheon. which ru par the top rude part. next on itain's got tat hip! all right, n, hio, what are you goi to for us today? "i going to eat althe ocolate i can eat

okay, th, um off you go. "yumum y yum. "beahh! bleeaah!" ( ghs "bleeahh! bleah! l right, over to mon well. "that wasn verimpressive "becse after a while u we sick everywhere, d thqueen would not li to see t" and noovero piers. "this act symbizes everything that's grtabout " d amanda? "i hed it." now over to ant andec. "well,orryo hear about that, ut o next contestant islepht."

oo! ephant! a robberouldave broken in andownaded it. that's riculs. or dad could have donet.whyd have lar picture of a woman...cst? wellcraig's dad does. he h lots of pictures of wen. u have to pay craig50to. rit. wl... i'm going to talk youore about that in mome, but rit no downloading somethg li that is inapproprte. what does "inapppria" mean? i he it lot. doesn't it mn "nghty"? it means behaviothat-- it's not approprte. not suitable. havi that's out of place. out ofhat ace? yes, it means ught so... good d, mu mm-hmm. nonot-

not o bad, thanks. hello, and what's yo nam "and i am performi in memory of my mother o was savaged to death bystriches." okay, and what are you ing to do for us today 'm going to set heaon fire." off yogo, en. y he on fire." kshhh! whoo!!! noovero piers. "it symbizesverything that's grt abt this country." oh, dear, i'm siing ant. why is this jam r ? one of ben's procts. listen, pete, d'you know, i just havet had a chance.

auset's odd. she's normly scareful with her mey. d now-- hey, dad, nt aame of chess? ye, ok. you know this chesclub he's been going to? really? it's probably one ose inclusion things-- everyone gs a me even if they're bbis give him a chance. inome ys he's quite a soistited thinker. ( ben screaming upairs,) heoes ve form when it com to wnloading. and uploading. did utubever get back to yoabouthat? because i'm on in from the neck do they're not obged to remove it. although they argivi it a "parental idan" warning. i dot thk this was ben, d jake swears itasn'him, either. karen: what dtheyean

when aoman size zero? because zero is thin so then they'd be visie. it just messhe's very skinny. whatbout a hexagon? well no, i meant it cane-- or a triangle, beuse iangles are... no, i meant it dsn'tatter if a woman ithinr fat. wh if u're like this? uld at be okay? well, at-- there's a man in mico, and he has to get crany? to get him out obed wellhe's so fat. is tt alright? oh, well--we, no what is tofat? is it-- would u li to watch some telisio no you knowi'veeen thinking about ose. that imagen thcomputer. could beumwho put i! she o smelt it, dealit. ben, youeed concentrate. ( n roing )

and as soon as s sawe, she closed it do rely fast. you're saying that yoy and dowoading soft porn on theomputer? . noof course not. phonrings ) all right. ben! it's jane. ( mouthing wds ) no, not annoying je, . , right. okay. hi, jane m, gavin rang. gavin? you know, e este agent. he sd some people are gonn come look at the house oh, ght.hen? um, seven o'ock night. what?! y di't you tell me? i did tell you. justow. ut that's one hour fronow! hang on a second. i'll help yotidyp. oh, great. tha you

i'll tell gavin ey can't come. karen: don care if they co or t, becae i'not moving. really it sue brockman. we c't da viewing tonight, and in fure if you talk to a teeger, please assume hav't got the message. i dot mind everybody se ming, but i'm stayg he. okay. i'll tl thestate agent to putt inhe details. "delightfusemi with south-facing gaenand built. well, i'm stinghere... anthat is all i haveo saon the matter. sue? it's all right.i'm ing upst. goodork. anay, the reason jane ra is bauseum has offered her a cole of thousand as well

oh, blimey. anshe sent a check r £0 to lucille. why n't u just ask your mumwhat? i mean, shs gog home tomorrow. kan: b's eaten all the othpte again! well, get some ouof the cupboard! ( footstepapprch ) yo move. oh, i sewhat you're up to. jet ghter noises ) ben, can youust- n, pase--ben. ben. please no strafing n the kitchen. weon'tant another friely fe incident with t winrack. listen, te.. maybe we should cept that money om yr mum. i an, e obviously wantus thave it. i n't ow, it just doesn'feelight. but you we comrtable enough acptinthose gifts fromy da yeah. a betamax video cord,

a cider pres d a inese soldier's jawbon om the korean war. well, okay, but-- that still undeyourillow? ben: no, i sold it tibram. karen: mum at? is anusol toothpaste? !!! righ let see... don't be sly, n, it can't be checate. we've onlyust- dad: karen ren: stop bothering medadd finish your breakft! i've toldu finied my breakfast! i know it was u wh downloaded that won's.image. beenooking at .. my emas? saw themyes. now, that is outf orr. ( bus ) you're a bit bpy. you shou go d see a burpologis is that what t docr said? no, he dn't. you shouand don't cherry-pkthe . a burpologis

ther aren't any cherries inhe muesli. you ow what i mean. yopick out all the od bs. it's natural sftin it happens in the ndra the largest rocks ach e surface. nothe tundra excuse agai why did you doload that image onto e faly computer? and al, thresolution on my phe israp. why d yolie to me? because i kn you just go and throyourlf into some overacti like this! i am not overreactg!come back! it was h? . i d trble sleeping last nht, oh, anjake been on one of the inrnet poker sites. i di't have a chance toroacthat one with him. oh, gawd. d i don't want toorryou... now i am worrd.go o. but you know you sai ur mum turned the comperoff sud?

righ so, what with that anher trying to givell h money away... ben: dad, do youant another game of ches there'not really time. who won la nig? oh. bewon. i kicked his sorryutt! you shouldn't dohat. it's not good for ildr. you certainly never nt easy on me. i particular rember my crushing deat ascrabble, because i was ill set at the start ofy bihday party. my fthbirthday party. but if you let ildr win, you cheathemf that moment wh thereally beat you r thfirst time. and we keep playing rabb, peter, that momen might still come. itlrea would have if y hadt spelt quasar with zed. it's an alternativspelng. in norway, mbe. pete. itlrea would have if y haanyway, don'think with zed.you shouldet b win. why don'you play him and beat hi

i mean, maybe you' rig. it's importanthat ds learn how to le, i't it? te, we don't have time 've got to leave for sool. we can start now anfini this evening. i'll set the boa up. okay. just let me get esse i've been meing to ask-- whats that thing? that's the elepht inhe room. we never tk abt that. no, it's thelepht in-- 's aexpression-- , never mind. back to me? why hae he's probably busy. ing what? oh, you know, beg president of t unid states. to blair wrote backo me about the badgers. yeah, but that obab wasn't him. that w onef his secretaries. karen, you'vgot ur top on back-to-ont! but you said thatt was him! well, you we ur at the time, so we probablylet u think that. you ed! what would tony air have said if he kn thayou lied to a four-ar-o?

"well ne"? jake: they accusus olying, but it's them th lieost. there is a difference betwn leing a small childownently and downloing rn. it's notorn,ecause a) i didn't ve tpay for it, hang on,hat- what public plac rren garden. who's it o miss murison she lives opposi him it's onef your. there re naked picturee going round the school 's oy. we didn't includher ce. the tall one with e rehair? that doesn'take better, jake! and what's mor-pete, don't go n- what's more, we ed t have a serious conrsatn. ren:um! in the living om.now. dad, look thi ben! come herand ok.r, karen. reader's digt ys that we have dinity won £500,000

d its in their bank accoun anreadto be transferred to yr bank account wh we' ready. £500,00 wow th's smuch money! you uld y loads of stuff! we can buyeverhing. we can buy we can buy a massiveansi made out of goldand- i would buy a botin with alamehrower in its tongu and y a which you can wa inse, it's like the ze oa door. and anay, at about those maganes u buy? those cebrits probably don't wtthose pictures, yeyou still go out anbuy e magazine.uy? well, i don't bu th, i occasionallypickhem up ofs and bring them he... to recycle. can just go, please? thiss serious, very serus. in fact, whayou' done is actually crinal offense. what criminaoffee is it? it's- it-- well, it's reivi s-stolen-- breasts? you uld get into bi trble here.

oh, yeah, time a time machine! anyou could see ust wh we' older.o bi trble here. or i'd b schl, and then close idown what would or ms murchison do if she knew abt all? y cuains? ke, this is very seous. and we haven't engone oe what pok?the poker you've bg on the compute i never did that.well you said to bhonest. i'd ve t polar bears. you uld ve enough money torop ssive ice cubes and ts oice onto the-- ontohe--to where they are, so ty cabe saved! or we couljustuy 500,000 magnum okay, ben,ow, warn you, i'm going to pla absolute best. which do you wanto b black or white? ( ary voice ) black, causit's the color of deat i'm going to pla right. absolute best. i mean, they're ju teege boys, they're like baboonsn he in school uniforms

but unlessomeo does something, theyl turn into babos oneat in suits andies. what if the gis inl were circulating piuresf you in the-- acally, let's not en tnk about that. they do haveingtes of jeff castle, the reli arteacher, in b...wh someone. w in god's name d th-- it was 11j. best not to askif y want a car t stl wos at four o'clock. chk. wh?you see? there are me tngs you can't do wleplaying a gameb. ah, at's what the man on mcycling proficiencyte s. dad: come on and althe dical stuff on t comter. don't you think no. no, i am. 's ait odd-- oh, d, it's you, it i was just...checkg ou all e various possibilitie my stomach symptoms.

you knowou oy frighten yourse wheyou do that. 's le that time thate goback from morocco it's jt th when dr. benjaminaid was sending me forhoseests, but healwa looks worried. he gothat lazy eye. come o eveone, we need to gin t minutes! h checkmate. don't be silly, ben, at's not-- no, i think at checkmate. now, i thoughthat u-- i-- i didn't want disurage him on theay ohis tournament. you annethat, didn't you? ohyeah. m: welmost certainly havet won a prize,

ey me it look like thatso y buy. ca? well, if it mes £5, let'buy their magazines. th. listenkare we are not gettingny mey. but i've alrea spent it. what?! i' promised maisie wburt £10,000 we, you'll have to ge itack. fothislno, it was "noetur." well-- you'll he to give her the £10,0 'cse you don't want to e up in court. because i think yod probablyy kare- ha on.hy's janice emaing mabout nothing? dn'tven know she hamy-- god, ioulduite happily desty th computer, all thtroue it causes. don'worrabout jake and the piures. to be hone, sara, i'm more worriedbout his late-night pokeressis. that wasn'jake i'd have said the meabout miss s

nosue. it wasn't jake. so, does ben g s chess genes from you well-- um ( whispers ) i play lite bit. grayso-the boy he's playing-- ( whispers ) he's never lost locatournament before.e bit. ben's giving himquita game. jet ghter, explosion ises mum: so... how long havyou en addicted to thessite m not sure i'd use e wo addicted. well, ifou'vlost more than £4,0-- i' beeplaying with-- ands mongo, middlesex fats, the colchester kid ner,

fellike a community. it's a commuty tt took you for fougran and at'shy i've been tryingo ha to give mon away to all of yo look, sandra, so don just i rely think fritter it ay.that youhoul.. open up to pet. oh...allight but families worked ch bter bere this talking d stted. ( machine gun noes ) d i all have to disqlifyim. ben, easy on the bale nses, okay? this is chs, n soccer. ( ngue clicking ).. ( whnies ) right.ben. it wasn't a batt noi. it was a horsyoise

was horsy noise. one final chance. "dea.. "back ama... "i am... "beginning... o lose... y... what are youwring to him ab? abouhow ey said that we hawon prize, but we actuay ha't, and th eveone from reader'siges should go to jai and ha to ar a bucket and on hava budgie to talk to i'm not sure u cago to jail for mieadi offers. so people say that jl isuite nice. is that ue? i ink that's just e ily mail says thgs le that.

it's not nice to have yo freedom taken away,ii they're really bad,theyhould jt hol in the ground with-- you know the tngs that go over a gutte e big plates? with that er, and so that they ay ithe dark d then they have teat up, and they don't eve t the soup in the bowl they just pourtdown into the hoe well-- i ink ey should make it allyorrible, and anyone who does a d thg, um, at could... hurtomeo, and ey were over ten, ouldo to jail. no md games, . mind games? he'sored. because old... spec swatty chops isakinso long. that's her sonth's her son? she'the feree and that'ser n? actually, i'm adjudicator.

you ha a pblem with that?yes, ha. i n just see that theremiership-- "wayne rooney s be awarded a penalt byis mum causfrank lampard habeenean to him." may i justeminyou that we play i since! you've got all these res, but you haven't got y ru at ss the referee can'be seone's mum! excu me! we're trying tocoentrate here! scarvoice ) die, bisp, d! yowere warned! you arnow- eat rt, eenie! ka-powww! grayson-- ( divebo sous ) ( machine n noes ) grayson, stothat ys! ys! you're gonna put e proners in fridges anovennow, are you? ll, u don't turn the on on and then aerthey're in there foabouhalf an hour, then you take them out anyou put them in the frge,

and then onctheye in there for halan hr, you keepwappg so that they nev t too hot or too cold. ah. think that one'seen ne. i thk--ihink stalin had tt id. what do you mean? by t way, karen, you didn't telanyo at school about we toldneveryonee, did y? and what ectly did you tell them? that we wo£50000, and that we re n the richest peoplen scol, and ben said that wou buy the school well at explains a lot. paicularly the odd look lia gave me at pick-up when i asked to rrow0p for the meter. paicularly the odd look , well, i'm sorry, kit, it- lia gave me at pick-up it must be sdiffult to make endseet. while 're the subject, ohgod, no! no, i knowth. 'cause we didn.

no! ! don't be silly! no! . nono. no. bye. ben: can io onhe computer? dad: hs ma a chess buddy. grea you' thrgh to sue's phone. won half milon pounds. ease leave a message. if y still want to. wh's-- jake: okay. . bui cat do anything abouthe her schools. "schools"? it is the wodwidweb, mum. but is won't have gone worlide, will it? okay. i'm not gonna foow that one up. gawd. ha the internet. it fulof porn, anthe ds have access to a sor of scary stuff th no e understands. welli fe like that at thteenwithout the internet yeahbut u didn't have to gto rhie's sleep-over anwatcthe taliban video

of some poor trisman getting his head sawoff! well, we werluck he didn't undersndwhat g he thoht iwas a david coppfielthing and they were nna t the head back onfterrds. show you.e i've got somet. what? it'sn thgarden. front gaen. i'tryi to do something. can u see that? oh, handag. so, i suppose sue's ld y about the gambling i suose need to sort thiwholthing out. i have ternet disconnected,cred cards , i've asked to be baed fm the sites, and you and your sisteracce thn thenhere's no chance i' relse. so, 's a sorted. okay?

ok, it just that sometim, mu the addictions... cane hard to stop, because it goes lot deeper. is tre something...deeper you'd like to ta abo? no. fa enoh. to snd se time opening up teachther. ght. ( sis ) jake what's it supposedo do it's cyber-vig sofare. it blocks yourhildn from inappropria webtes. yeah, but can one that off oscar'mum'computer. yeahwell, i decided buyt rather than stl it you'reso ird. quick cup of tea, yone i'm making. everhing all right, you tw

had a good..ood tter? oh, yes. it wasovel it w reay-- really clear their. should have ne i a long time ago. years ago. we, go. thers an email here. it ss th ben's school habeenanned from the chs leue. do it y why? "ippropriate behavior." ah. somethg mu have happened aft we ft. do wreal have to bother wi thicyber-vigil thing? yes, we do. 100%.ablutely. why? because asespoible parents, we need somethin to defend this family from the dark d daerous... tentacleof t internet. that's right. exce we need you to itallt, 'cause we can't ma ad or tail of it.