tavis: good evening from los angeles. i'm tavis smiley. tonight a conversation with author mary williams and the mother she considers her second mother jane fonda. mary williams writes about her challenging childhood in kland, california and how it encountered when fonda put her in a different trajectory. as we've celebrating our 10th anniversary and approaching our 2,000th episode we're introducing you to some of the folk who makes our show possible. joining us our audio engineer. he's been with me 10 years ago. he's the reason you're hearing me right now. jerry, i've been delighted to have you on this program making this audio thing work. >> thank you, tavis.

one of the things -- i've been in broadcasting a very long time. one of the thing i learned over the years is that content was the most important thing. that's why i'm proud to work on your show. that's what it's about, the intelligent thoughtful, sometimes funny but always very important. thank you for letting me part of it. tavis: our show wouldn't be possible without you. take it away. >> mary williams and jane fonda coming up right now. >> there's a saying that dr. king had and he said it's always the right time to do the right thing. i just try to live my life every day by doing the right thing. we know that we're only halfway to completely eliminate hunger.

>> and by contributions from your pbs station from viewers like you. thank you. tavis: it sounds like a fiction story. a teenager struggling with the harsh reality of a difficult upbringing. she spent some time at a summer camp. she changed the young girl's life for the better. that's what happened to one mary williams and the woman she considers her second mother, jane fonda. mary ice written a memoir about the physical trauma and her efforts to find her place many the world. the book is called "the lost

daughter." i'm honored to have you on the program. >> i'm honored to be here. tavis: and jane fonda, thank you for being here. >> big fan of yours. tavis: given that your story is so unique from what most black girls will ever encounter, what you hope what you wanted or want the takeaway to be for the reard because your story is just that, very different. >> it's different but it's also relateable to a lot of the people. a lot of the feelings that i've gone through maybe not all together but separately a lot of people have gone through. the takeaway for me would be for me in terms of family in that forgiveness is very important in any family in terms of healing and maybe not healing the relationship but healing yourself. and so for me a big part of it is forgiveness. and also keeping the faith in yourself through all obstacles is huge. and part of that actually started with my very first

family which were the panthers. i was lucky to have been a panther and give me the tools i need that got me through some very difficult periods. and the book is about that, finding a safe place. tavis: i could spend hours having you unpack on this first statement. but let me are you unpack them for me. i was so fascinate and so rivetted and quite frankly pleased with your telling the story about your connection to the panthers because as you know we live in a nation where you say the black panthers as you jorative nitive and pra and nasty rhetoric. say a word to me about your relationship with the black panthers. >> i think they're misrepresented a lot. the black panthers were a militant organization in the heart of the civil rights movement. and for me they were a family.

and they protected us and shielded us. i lived in panther housing. i went to a panther school. i called them comrade. we were told as children that we were part of something special and big and we were meant for something powerful in the world not just for black people. independent wasn't a black separatist group. we cared about everybody who was oppressed. as a young child i felt empowered. i felt porn. an i -- i felt important. and i felt appreciated. if i was outside that panther bubble everything outside the media was telling me i was ugly, and i was giving the opposite message by them. tavis: and yet, that didn't stop you from having run-ins with your own immediate family? >> it didn't because once we left the panthers and i was being raised by my mother alone, my father was in prison.

he was also in prison because of the party. my mother left the panthers and it was the sixth children. i was her fifth child. she was 23 years old. she did well initially. she actually went to training and became the first female welder in oakland. she had an injury and lost the job. struggled with alcohol addiction and depression and our family started to fall apart at that point. tavis: so tell me how you end up in summer camp? uncle was also a panther. he knew jane fonda because jane fonda was a supporter of the panthers. i think you guys were on a trip -- >> we went to south africa together. >> you want to tell that part? because you were there. they were talking. and jane fonda at the time was starting a children's camp.

he said i want this camp to be a camp for everything and learn how to get along with one another. she said why don't you send some panther children. so my uncle sent me and two children. it was my first time outside of oakland. tavis: jane, where did and why did the idea of a summer camp for children come into the picture? >> i was married to tom hayden who later became a state senator and we -- we just wanted to have a place where the children of our friends and that included members of the black panther party, cesar chavez, dolores huerta. we came children who came from parol officers. we had kids who couldn't speak english. we had kids that had never had a room to themselves, rooming with kids who had maids and never made the beds themselves. that's what made it work.

so there were a lot of different kind of kids. and there was this one girl, this one who -- who just -- she had a spark, a sparkle, a laugh, a presence that everyone who came in contact with her knew that she was a special person. and my husband and i espn a lot of time, you know, we spent the summers up there with the camp. my son grew up with the camp. summers went by and, you know, it's interesting to me that she kept coming the siblings didn't. has to do with resilience. and then, one summer she didn't come. and you know, it was like where's mary? and the next summer she came back and she was a different person. she was shut down. she didn't want to be touched. she didn't want to be in a crowd. she had nightmares. she wanted to be alone in her room. and then she admitted that she

had been sexually abused. and i mean, we could see before our eyes that this child was -- was going under. you know, i mean, she's so smart and she was getting f's. and i knew i could help her. and i wanted to help her because i knew what was inside this precious human being and i said if you bring your grades up, you know, i'll take you out of that situation and by now her mother was having a lot of trouble. quite understandably when you look at her conditions. and i said if you at the end of the year, you bring your grades up, i'll bring you down to live with us if your mother aproves and you can finish your school down here. and she did and we did. tavis: it's part of your story. you might as well be honest and be transparent. that's a difficult decision to make to tell that kind of story publically. tell me about what the experience was liken during that and then years later having to

tell that story in a book. >> the community that i group in and i think there are a lot of community like this everywhere. initially i felt very empowered. i was probably the uner tomboy. i played in the creek. i wandered out alone. i explored and it was amazing. but then as i approached puberty everything changed. the minute that i entered 11, 12 years old, all of a sudden i felt -- i went from being empowered to feeling like prey. the men in my community, some of the men in my community would cruise by the bus stop as you're on your way to school and propositioning me and touching me and i began to kind of retreat. i tried to wear baggy clothes. i tried to only go outside when normal. i stopped exploring and doing those things because i felt so frightened all of a sudden of what my body was -- what -- what

was being attracted to me. it wasn't just me, it was a lot of girls. i saw a documentary film made last year and they're still talking about that in oakland today, this mentality. in a way i kind of thought it was normal because i knew it was happening to other people and happening to me. i thought i'll be smart about i. i'll do everything i can to avoid it. when i was finally in my mind caught i took that on to myself, i thought oh, i got caught. it wasn't a crime that happened to me. it was just that i was stupid and i made a mystic and i wasn't strong enough to protect myself. and so i just gave up. i almost felt like going to that summer camp where it opened up a world to me and i was around people who thought about the future and going to college and making a life for themselves was amazing and it opened my eyes an made me think that i could be that too because my plan is i'll have a baby who can love me and i'll have a guy who can protect

me from the other guys. when that finally happened to me i thought why did i think i was better than other people that had similar experiences. so when i finally -- the reason that i finally told -- someone wanted to know what was wrong with me. at home no one ever said how are your grades and school? my mother was battling her own demons and my sisters -- i had five sisters who were older than me was gone. my older sister was a prostitute and a drug addict. my other sister was a teen mother. everybody was out for themselves. and so i didn't think to tell anyone. i didn't think that it was something that you report. it's just something that happened and you try not to happen it again. when i went to camp and they wanted to know and they saw the change in me, i told them. tavis: there are all kinds of black kids as we sit for this conversation right now,

disproportionately black kids who are waiting to be adopted. it's a great conversation that's been ongoing for years now not as great as it ought to be about why there are so many black kids waiting to be adopted even by black people. and yet, here's the story where there's a black girl who for whatever reason you decided simply to don't to bring in to raise as part of your family even though you know there's some baggage here and that's my word not hers. there are some bad experiences here and demons here and you and your husband decide to bring her into her family and she's an african-american child. why did you do that? >> because i thought i could help her. and she -- that she deserved being helped. you know, it's -- you ask mary at the very beginning, you know, the takeaway from the book. my takeaway is a little different. it's a two-fold take away.

as a young person, a young disadvantaged person of my race any ethnicity, know when you're love and sence of metabolize it. you know, there's a lot of young people that i have reached out to that couldn't take it. they weren't able to take it in. so this is just a reminder that you have to -- you have o be on the lookout for who dwhosh can help me. and number two, people who are in a position be able to help, do it. do it. and do it knowing chances are you'll get more out of it than the person you're helping. -- fromrned more that's her more than she has from me. it's a two-way street. and so that -- it ain't rocket

science. love is the answer if you've got it, give it. and if you can take it in. tavis: i'm glad you said that because now i want to ask a second question that's a bit more provocative. i could not con fwer the -- confer with the statement you made. i'm playing devil's advocate. i suspect this is the kind of story that might one day become a movie. why not? it's a wonderfulfully juicy story. it happens to be connected to a real life celebrity jane fonda. it's the kind of stuff that could become a movie one day. if this were to become a movie there would be black folk in the movie and had this critique of hollywood. you know where i'm going about here comes another movie of another black child, another black person being saved by white people. if hollywood gives me this story one more time, if i get "the

blindside." i'm not trying to cast shadow on "the blind side," how do you respond to people -- i want you and mary to respond, how is this a different story of some white folks rescuing some negros. >> this is a story about myself. i too know people who for some reason don't know how to accept the help or see it as a weakness on their part to admit that you need the help. so for me, it's not about jane saving me. and i've seen that in articles. jane fonda saves her. but i think i saved myself as well. i think i could have easily stayed with my family. that was all i knew. but i had the courage to step into the unknown. that takes a lot of courage to leave your family to go somewhere you don't know. to me it's not the story of the great white savior and i know those stories and i've made comments about those story,

believe it or not. but i think in my situation i think it was a two-fold situation that went on. tavis: jane? >> well, we didn't live this -- a book and a movie. i don't know what -- as a black man, what do you think? >> should she not have done it? tavis: no, but these are the kinds of questions, though. that's a legitimate question. should she not have done it? of course, she should have done it. is jane right about the fact that if you've got love, give it? absolutely. >> maybe more black people should reach out -- tavis: absolutely. >> maybe they do because we don't know about it because independent doesn't end up in a book. >> my uncle was an example of that. there's something i read oh, i'll so sick of that story of that white woman. it was basically saying leif her

in a dysfunctional abusive situation and see if she sinks or swims. it's about love, someone helping another person. i don't know if we'll get past this race thing but if that's the first thing you focus on, you look at the race of the person who helps you, i don't know -- tavis: i wanted to capture it. my first saying is that i absolutely love the story. the critique is more of hollywood. you and jane, the point you made earlier, there are folks who do this every day. >> right, right, right. >> i think it's more critique of the industry the kind of storys that we get, the kind of books that can get written, the kind movies that don't tell the other side. so i digress on the other point. tas fascinating conversation. having said all that, jane, i never been to jane fonda's

house. but i would assume that jane fonda's house ain't like being in oakland. how did you make the transition black girl that you were from the family in oakland to jane fonda and tom's house? >> you have all these different families. not just my panther family and my jane fonda family and my turner family that came later. my panther family, these are militant people that care about politics. when i went to santa monica, california something i didn't know is that it was a beautiful home. it was nothing like you see on the "real housewives of beverly hills." it was more modest compared to where i came from. but there was also a safe room. there was also a place that you could go if you were being shot at. there was a remote control to start the car incase there was a car bomb in it because of the people -- >> we were controversial. >> but it was beautiful.

tavis: oakland might have been safer than jane's house. >> that's what i'm trying to say. yes. so it was different but similar. different but similar. but the thing that made the biggest difference for me wasn't necessarily the physical environment. it was the way i was treated and the way i was accepted and that was the biggest difference for me. >> and it was a learning experience for me. i could see that sitting at a dinner table with a family using did e and fork and how your day go was not part of mary's life. and you know, she was just soaking it in and you know, learning every day. one day i asked her, why was the camp so important to you? and she said, i'd never met people before who thought about the future. that -- that changed my life, that sentence. because i work with young people now. i have nonprofits and i know you give people a sense of future

and you -- and they don't engage in risky behavior. hope is the best contraceptive, for example. and so i realize that her being with us and being at the camp was profound in ways that i never had anticipated before. you know, privileged white people, you know, we just take it for granted everybody thinks about the future. that was one thing and then another thing after being there a few months with us, she said to me one day -- this is embarrassing, but i didn't know mothers didn't -- wouldn't beat their children if the children disagreed with them. i got some feisty kids. and they disagree with me a lot. she had been used to, you know -- tavis: your mom and your mama have finally met. >> yes. tavis: how did that go? >> can i say something? tavis: sure. >> another thing that mama jane did which was very interesting is when i came into the home i

had this sense that you are going to stay black first of all. because a lot of kids do get adopted and they kind of forget. every christmas, birthday, whenever there was give-giving hings, always got this afro-centric things. she took it upon herself to make sure that i retained who i was culturally. >> yeah. tavis: there's a wonderful picture on the screen and i love that picture. how did that meeting go? >> i was nervous, needless to say. >> she cried. >> yeah. i did. i cried. because i know -- i just put myself in her shoes and how hard it is. i'm thin and i've got plastic surgery. you know, a lot of money goes into looking at my age 75 years

old. and if i was her i would feel pretty angry about that and i didn't want her to. i thought this must be hard for her. i was nervous that she would be mad at me. she wasn't. she had a sense of humor. she laughed. she joked. we had lunch together. lulu had been with her mother before then. >> i was two months -- i stayed for three months. >> the photographer went away and we were together the three of us. i went to her house an looked through her photo album and saw her dogs and hung out there for a while. so it was ok. tavis: i could do this for hours. mary, tell me with the takeaway. what do you say to those young girls in oakland or in south central or in harlem or any other place right now who find

themselves in the situation that you did years ago where they feel not like a person but like prey and everything around them is collapsing and there ain't no jane fonda standing in the corner to save them, what do you say to them right now? >> i say like probably i'm going to repeat what you said is that look for someone out there whether it's a teacher, whether it's a relative that's more distant from the family that you presently have, look for someone who is willing to open their heart because i could have had jane fonda the celebrity. but what if jane fonda the celebrity was an awful person? to me, it's about someone who cares enough to care about me. and look for those people who care and tell somebody. it's not your fault if someone has abused you. it's not right. it's not right when a stranger does it. it's not right when someone genetically related to you family isn't always genetics. family is where you're loved an respected and taken care of.

>> i would say to those girls -- >> and boys. >> 1-6 boys, look for -- save yourself. you're the hero in your story. i hate to say that, you know, focusing on your mom. i worked too to save myself. tavis: that's why i celebrate the book and am honored to have you both on this program. i barely scatched the surface. i highly recommend you get the text. congratulations. >> thank you very much. tavis: until next time, keep the faith. >> for more information on today's show, visit tavis smiley on pbs.org. tavis: join me next time for a conversation with actor and writer ethan hawk about his new movie "before midnight." we'll see you then.

>> there's a saying that dr. king had. he said it's always the right time to do the right thing. i just try to live my life doing the right thing. we know we're about halfway to liminate hunger. wal-mart committed $2 billion to fight hunger. as we work together we could stamp hunger out. >> and by contributions to your pbs station from viewers like you. pbs station from viewers like you. thank you.

>> welcome to "film school shorts," a showcase of the most exciting new talent from across the country. experience the future of film, next on "film school shorts." "film school shorts" is made possible by a grant from maurice kanbar. celebrating the vitality and power of the moving image. and by the members of kqed. >> [ sad piano ballad plays ] [ cat screeches ]