>> rose: welcome to the program, tonight, john galliano, the fashion director talks for the first time since he blew up his career over anti-semitic remarks in a paris bar. >> you recognize that what you said was hateful, vile, a anti-semitic. >> of course. >> rose: you do? >> yes. >> rose: and you apologize to everybody from the sound of those words. >> i do. i apologize and i am trying to make amends. in the best way that i can. >> rose: john galliano for the hour, next. funding for charlie rose was provided by the following.

additional funding provided by these funers. and by bloomberg, a provider of multimedia news and information services worldwide. captioning sponsored by rose communications from our studios in new york city, this is charlie rose. rose.

>> rose: john galliano is here, he was one of the most acclaimed fashion designers in the world for many years he was the creative force behind kristine difficult or and his own label, john galliano, then at a small parisian bar near his home he on more than one occasion said the most outrageous things, racist, anti-semitic and hateful one of those incident from 2010 was filmed, the video went viral, here is that video. >> >> you are pompous --. >> oh, my god. >> rose: when that video was released john galliano became the subject of international scorn, he was fired. he was convicted, he has apologized and he has been in rehabilitation this is his first television interview since the incident. he spoke for a remarkable piece she wrote for vanity fair

magazine that is on the newsstand today, i was asked to do this interview and i of course said yes, last night on this program i did two segments one on the demonstrations on turkey, another on surveillance of americans by the united states government, another night we might talk to a brilliant director or celebrate a new discovery in science, all of these conversations are driven by my curiosity about the world we live in and the human condition. the questions often why we do the things we do, in politics, in life, and how to make sense of them, and so it is that we talk to john galliano tonight about what made a man of his distinction in a moment of fury use some of the most vile anti-semitic racist language one could use, how does one go from the top to the bottom by one's own actions and what does it take to recover personally? this conversation is not about rehabilitation or about prosecution, it is about understanding why, it is about accountability and responsibility, it is about great creativity and troubling addiction, and it is about john

galliano, who came from gibraltar to london, to paris to new york and he took over the world of fashion, only to fall at his own hand. i am pleased to have him here on this program tonight, i am glad he is here and there is much to talk about. but thank you for coming here for the first conversation on television. >> thank you for having me, charlie, i am very grateful. >> let me begin with, what was the best moment of your career? when did you feel on top of the world? >> i think the best moment of my career was when i moved to paris to start off my own theatre, the house of john galliano, and that was soon followed by the appointment of the house of dior, that was really one of the great highlights of my life. >> rose: characterize before you say what was the worst, what -- how would you define yourself? i mean, what was it that made john galliano, john

galliano? >> i am a romantic. i love su push craftsmanship, tailoring. in my carting skills, i express myself through the bias cart which is a essential way of cutting. and i would say that is kind of the code, if you like of what represents the john galliano fashion. >> when you were at your best were you as good as it gets? >> well, i certainly gave 500 percent when i was there. >> and you loved it? >> i loved it. >> rose: it is what you were born to do? >> yeah. yeah. >> rose: from early on, you knew? >> not so early, not as a baby, i wasn't that indulged on stuff like that, that kind of happened a little later, a little later, i went to work at a school for boys. i found it hard to concentrate

there, because of the bullying, i was gay, i was an immigrant who just moved to south london at the age of six with my mom and my dad and two sisters. so that was quite a culture shock, and i have since discovered quite a traumatic move for me. after that, because i couldn't concentrate because a lot of time was just spent working out how to escape the bullying or catching an earlier train or hanging back to catch the later train, working which carriages to travel in, i mean, it did affect me, so i did go to a college for further education where i started spanish, a level and french a level and english literature and at that place there was a subsidiary class, art class, and really, that was my first initial introduction to

drawing and there, it was very natural that i loved the line, draftsmanship, and then they encouraged me to apply to another school, which was purely art school, and i worked on textiles and printed textiles, and drawing and then they said, but you draw like a god, you should apply to st. martin school of art. which i did. i applied for a four-year course. it is quit an open course, and the third year of that fourth year i specialized in design. so i skipped a year and i went there and i did foundation first, which is where -- they loosen you up, any inhibitions you have, you can express yourself, i was throwing paint against the wall, you know, i had come from this boy's school

so suddenly, st. martin's i was with people a that were more like me. >> and so you went on to this remarkable career in fashion. so people ask, john, how could you say the things that you said, which heard some them, just to repeat them because people are stunned to know that a man who had opportunities, who knew the most interesting people around the world, had access to knowledge, and so much could say things like that were racist like fing asian bastards i am going to kill you, dirty jew face, i loved hitler, people like you should be dead, how could you say that? what is your own explanation? >> i am almost more shocked myself, charlie, i mean i just thought -- at that point in my

career, i had become what is known as a blackout drinker. it is where one can't, the short-term memory and long-term memory, so i have no memory of that event. >> rose: you remember none of these words? >> no. >> do you remember being there? >> no. i don't even remember -- i wasn't aware that i had been filmed. >> rose: but -- >> and i was in a blackout and instances like that, i since discovered because i too wanted to know where that hate came from, i have discovered that when one is a blackout drinker, what happens is that you can -- it can release paranoia of such

a state that it can trigger prostrations from childhood, and due to that, it can trigger a self defense mechanism. now, having had quite a tough time at school and being subjected, persecuted bullied, by all, called all sorts of names as children do, and living a lie, really, because i was gay but i couldn't admit to that, so honestly, there was no -- i couldn't escape. now, also, around about the time of that event, i was heavily researching for amen is a collection, john galliano mention wear collection which was inspired by -- i have gone

blank. who had, who was an anti-semite, when i research i really go into it, i need to know everything, where she lives, does she read by candlelight or gaslight or the color of her hair dye and the scent on her breath? is it gin or powder or make-up? it helps me to create a character. sometimes taken from paintings, and then i create the character. so i am living it. i am breathing it. i am not making excuses at all, but this is the work i have done since that event to try and find out, jonathan new house reached out to me in the early days and i range him back, because he was

quite tough with me on the phone. he said, john, you let a lot of people down. what you said was disgusting. >> rose: you recognize what you said was hateful, vile, anti-semitic. >> of course. >> rose: you do? >> yes. >> and you apologize to everybody from the sight of those words, the sound of those words. >> i do, i apologize and i am trying to make amends in the best way that i can. >> rose: beer is what is troubling to some. this wasn't just one incident. it was more than one. >> that is correct. >> you didn't just do this one night when you were -- >> that is correct. >> rose: so they ask themselves is this a pattern with john? for whatever reason -- >> well, a pattern in that it triggered off that self defense mechanism, and the taunts and i mean i grew up, i grew up in south london. >> rose: right. >> and i can't remember any

anti-semitic taunts, but i do remember other racial taunts and first wave of immigrants, a melting pot of cultures, and i would have had those kind of taunts. fear. >> rose: you can't look for an excuse in what you have done and you can't in a sense say this explains everything. >> no. i mean, no. this is -- i just wanted to say that because that is part of the work i have been doing in these past two years and three months, two years and three months. it is a part of the work. and it was actually -- the one that inspired me to dig deep and try to find out. >> was jonathan new house. >> well, jonathan new houston and he introduced me to abraham fox man, the president of the

anti-defamation league. mr. fox man had reached out to me when all of this went off. >> rose: and what did he say to you when he came to you. >> well the first time i was still very, very sick, i mean when you see that video i am in the throes of my disease. >> rose: and how will you define your disease? >> cunning, baffling disease, it creeps up on you and you become a slave to it, a complete slave to it. >> but you recognize it does not excuse the behavior? whatever condition you were in it does not excuse this behavior? >> no, of course i recognize that, yes, i do. >> rose: some people who have said to me. >> excuse me. >> rose: that after stephen or robinson died, did i say that correctly. >> yes. >> a great friend of yours, a colleague of yours, who died. >> stephen was like my son. >> rose: like your son. >> yes. >> rose: and he died of a heart attack? >> that's right. >> that after that you were never the same.

>> you know, stephen and i started this adventure from london when things weren't working out an i decided i wanted to be international and i wanted to find the right funding, be able to produce these beautiful clothes, and, you know, stephen believed in me and together, you know, we left london. we didn't have any money, i don't know how we got to paris, but we did we slept on friend's floors and as long as i could see the moonlight i was happy, he came in as a student placement, you know, counting buttons and worked his way through. he was a brilliant, brilliant man, and then became my right hand man. >> rose: instrumental to your success? crucial to your success? >> oh, yes. >> and then he is gone. >> yeah. >> rose: was that the beginning of what ended up in february of 2011? >> i mean, that was a part of

it, charlie, yes. but also not dealing with my emotions and not understanding my emotions, along with all of the successes came more collections. >> more demands? >> at that moment, i was producing 32 collections a year between the galliano and half of dior, and each collection would comprise of up to a thousand pieces, which would you like me to run through the collections? >> no. i will take your word and your friend's word that you were very, very, very good. but i also know that during that period between 2007 and, you know, there were many people concern about you, concerned about addiction, concerned about drugs, concerned about alcohol, concerned about binges and concerned about a guy who would be missing in action and also know that, you know, that two

people who meant a lot to you came to you and tried to intervene, and literally an intervention to say you were destroying your life and career. am i right? >> i wouldn't call it an intervention. >> rose: what would you call it? a warning? >> they told me that i should do something about it. >> about what? >> >> well, there had been instance -- incidents when i had traveled abroad in new york and china where there had been complaints. >> rose: complaints about? >> about me, my behavior, an assistant had run to say that john is not well at all, and we need to get him back to paris, and then they would fly my boyfriend over. >> rose: and actually come over and take you home. >> that's right. >> do you look back now and say that was a fore run tore what happened to me in february?

>> yes, it was getting worse and worse and i was mixing alcohol with benzo. >> why were you doing that? because of the pressure? is this what the pressure of being with all of the demands of a top fashion designer? >> i thought that was the right way to deal with it. i mean by then i was a slave to alcohol and then i would take the valium to stop the shaking so i could do the fittings and the sleeping pills so i could sleep. i was traveling a lot with the jet lag and so, i mean, my life became unmanageable. >> rose: unmanageable? and so friends saw you and tried to help? and you rebuffed them? >> well, you know, when you are an addict you are very clever. i was a fully functioning addict. i mean i would hide the drink. i would hide. i knew where my pills were and when i needed them.

i would throw myself in the. >> jim: and go on the gym and take the latest diet. i would produce and turn out the goods. so when i was doing that, it was okay. no one -- it was fine. and john was on the runway and the collection was marketed and the work was done. the drinking did creep up on me very slowly. it started sickly, cyclically, after each creative high there would be this crash, and then there would be i would use the drink to stop the voices there were so many voices already in real life and so many questions, i would use the alcohol to quiet them, the voices, of course with each increase in collections it was faster and faster and faster where there was a collection each four weeks. >> rose: should we blame other

people for putting this on you. >> no, it is my fault. i had a team. i had a problem. i was self willing as well. all of those things that one does. humans do. i mean,. >> do you believe -- >> i have since -- sometimes i was acting lick -- you know, i am not. now i know i am not in the driving seat and i listen and talk to god daily. >> rose: so you are tying to come to grips with what you were? >> the young child i lost somewhere along the line, the way it was i was nice and people liked. >> rose: when alexander mcqueen sat at this table with me and committed suicide, what did you think? >> many things, charlie. >> i mean, i knew -- i knew lee.

>> i understood. >> what did you understand? >> that loneliness, that pain, that -- i mean, as addicts we are in such perfection, we are setting the bar impossibly high and we don't understand why we are doing it and people say wow, how are you going to top that? you just wake up in the morning and. >> i was very sad. >> but you think the lifestyle of -- that he and both you had contribute, he also had some medical issues that we are all aware of that had nothing to do with alcohol and drugs. >> i don't know what you mean by lifestyle, i mean. >> rose: well get up in the morning and knowing you have to top that and the style that you were in the center of public attention and you know everybody's eyes are on you and you know that every day you are

going to be judged not by the past collection but by the next collection. >> yes. you are only as good as your last. >> rose: you are only good as your last collection. >> which is an enormous pressure. absolutely, but, yes. >> some people would like to make some connection between the most creative people and their emotional instability. do you buy into that? >> no. >> excuse me. i mean, in the early days i was incredibly creative and productive and i loved to research and i loved the creation of finding technical solutions to creative challenges. i didn't need alcohol and the pills for that. >> so what changed? >> what change was i -- i was afraid to say no, that little

word and because i thought it showed weakness. and with more and more success i would just say yes and keep on taking more work on which took its toll, which took its toll. >> you are sitting here today, explaining the fall. >> explaining the fall, i am so grateful i am alive, not for what happened but as a result of what happened. i have been able to spend some time on myself, understand these emotions i couldn't express and the difference between the emotions and feelings and how i can change that before i would be upset or angry and it would go on for four days or five days, now i know that i can change that. i wasn't aware of that before. i mean, i could -- many things like that.

>> finally admitting as well, all of these resentments i had and this anger, built up anger. >> rose: you are now talking about your childhood or more. >> more. i mean, i suppressed everything as a child. i couldn't talk about it at home and when i was at school, i couldn't really express myself. so this is all bottled up, really, and later on in life, in that state that i found myself in, it came out, and i wasn't -- i was emotionally, spiritual, physically, mentally bankrupt. i mean, i didn't know but i had a nervous breakdown. >> rose: what do you mean by breakdown? >> nervous breakdown, emotional breakdown, mental breakdown, i didn't know. i couldn't begin to describe how

that felt. i was in denial. i was still in denial even until a week into arizona. >> rose: you went to arizona for rehabilitation? >> i went to arizona for rehabilitation when -- yeah, i was shown that video and i was on that plane. even there, when i was going to those meetings at the beginning i was still in denial, when everyone introduced myself i would introduce myself at johnny g, my name was johnny g. i am a troubled soul. i am a lost soul. it wasn't until a week that i could say i am an alcoholic, i am an addict. >> rose: and today you are sober addict and alcoholic? >> yes. >> rose: is that how you define yourself? >> yes, i will be in recovery the rest of my life, and i bear

that tattoo on my soul forever, which is a constant reminder of the evil of drink and drugs, both of which one can buy over-the-counter in europe. >> rose: i hear you, and looking at your childhood and you look at the pressure of your life and you look at the addiction and you say i don't remember anything i said, i now know what i said so people say at that moment, when they hear your story, i know a lot of people who are addicted who don't say those kind of things, i love hitler, you should be dead, i know a lot of people who had a troubled childhood and do not say the kinds of things you said. they may say some awful things but those, there seems to be, you went further than most people in terms -- and now it is easy to say, i don't remember it, and i did it because i was

an addict and because i had a troubled childhood. it is too easy some people want to say. what do you say to them? >> i spent two years and three months followed that, working with top theyologists and professors in perhaps to find the answer. too many people say i have since discovered very as the, veritas, yes, it does loosen up inhibitions, alcohol, it is what is floating around in the self-conscious that can be called up, and as i said, as a defense mechanism that was triggered, when i was being persecuted, i mean, the open line, the opening line of that video are you aryan, is your

hair really blonde now that would have triggered something. >> what do you mean? >> it would have triggered something, as i mentioned earlier, charlie, you know, i have been researching. >> far verify. >> and that memsa collection was about to be shown, all of those things could have been swimming around. >> do you worry that somehow that creativity, you can't find that again, that somehow all of this will do damage so that what gave you life may not be able to turn back on? >> i did worry about that, especially when i was in rehabilitation. the rehabilitation center in arizona, i was invited to attend art classes and i couldn't even pick up a pencil because it just

brought back the memories flooding back, i equate creation with the things i said. i have worked, i have worked on that since and they encouraged me to start writing because i couldn't talk. i didn't even want to make a syllable at that point so i would write and write and write. and that was creative. pretty much anything i apply myself to is on the creative way. i could be walking down the street and still my eyes is working, i am looking at people. walking down the road and market, an exhibition, all of those things hadn't stopped, that part of the process hadn't stopped. and then when i was invited by oscar delauren advertise as a residency to work with him on his collection, .. the collection was quite well underway, first of all, i just couldn't because i hadn't been

in the studio for two years, and then i decided that, yes, i would, oscar was so charming and so gentle and understood exactly what i was going through and just come over here, which i did,. i had a panic attack when i arrived. only because i wanted to meet the -- it is a family i love. italiana so i went to the bathroom and threw myself on my knees and i came outside and i went into the workroom and introduced myself to all of those lovely ladies, the tailors and the seamstresses in their white coats and then it was fine, my shoulders kind of relaxed and then i sat with oscar and he would ask what i thought about things and it was

very difficult to sit, though when you see all of these beautiful fabrics and colors and then it is creative, it just came back when i saw the girl walk in with parsley draped fabrics. >> all of the instincts, everything kicked in? >> it was just an amazing feeling i thought i would never feel again because i had phone the early part, the research of being inspired but to to actually have my fingers on fabric and colors and the draped, and to work with oscar, it was just an amazing feeling. >> rose: does part of you just want to go out somewhere and design dresses? >> that's what i want to do, yes. >> is it possible that you and oscar will somehow come together and you will work with him over the long run so that there can be a collaboration and you, a younger man than he is, can -- >> that would be wonderful. >> rose: is that what you

want? >> yes. but i know that i have to do this work before. >> rose: what work? >> the atonement. >> what do you mean by atonement? >> forgiveness. >> rose: you have to be asked for forgiveness? >> i have you have to be forgiveness? is that what you are saying? you have to ask for for givens and you have to be forgiven? >> well, i can't ask for forgiveness as i said earlier charlie, i think that is something -- it is going to be -- so what i am trying to do is to get back to share, and you may have heard i wanted to teach, to work with young creators, which happened in london, finally it happened, at first it was a bit difficult, i offered to teach at parsons and the shenka university but unfortunately they are, they beth fell through at the last minute, which was a real shame,

and but, you know,ly continue to try and make something happen. these are things that i am happy to do, and if anyone has any ideas how to make amends, please -- >> rose: what is going to be the hardest thing for you in terms of climbing back to where you find some piece and an ability to use your talents to the fullest use along lines of excellence? what is going to be the difficult part of the route or do you believe you have already passed that? >> no, surprise is not easy, charlie, it has been a difficult journey. >> you are at risk of falling off at any time? >> yes. that can happen. i have to be honest with you.

as long as i am completely well that i am powerless over alcohol. you know, and one drink for me would be not enough and that one drink would be too much. i mentioned earlier that that incident is a daily reminder that i don't want to go there. >> does one, do you worry about this as well? i mean, you had, according to people i talked to, you really had a wonderful understanding of women. you knew how to -- >> i love women, yes. >> you understood in a way that people wanted and imagined that you understood what made them remarkably -- you had a real sense of connection to the world

around you so you could bring that in in terms of how you designed clothe but it was of a time and a day where you have to be equally relevant to the times that you work in today. >> well, yes. >> and can you be that? duff that question? >> well as a designer that is, you reflect society and what is going on in society today. i feel the creative process will be the same for me, and i enjoy that and it brings a richness to the collection, but of course the collections have to be relevant. i mean, i think, you know, i dare women to dream, and they will always want beautifully cut clothes, beautifully cut jacket. there will always be that desire, that fact, those clothes will always be relevant. >> rose: what separates the good from the great designers? >>

>> well, i don't know how to answer that question. sorry. >> rose: i bet you do. i mean you understand what fashion is at its best and how to make it. >> i was very lucky too. i mean, i was a dressmaker for hire, and i was a courtier for dior, and that, to create clothes where you would spin the yarn, the cloth, artists would paint the fabric, the beating, the feather work, the dephoning the line, volumes, the lightness, i mean, that was magical. and. >> rose: which part were you best at? >> >> i mean i love the whole

creative process. i love the twirling, when looking -- draping and creating volumes and shape. especially in the couture world -ree i would treat it almost and resources to really explore a line. that in itself would inform the collections, et cetera, et cetera. it was a wonderful way of working, wonderful way of working. >> as i said in introducing you, you were at the top of the game and we have some video of what it was that put you there. roll the tape.

so defin your style, define what i just saw. because i am going to show you another example of your style too. >> okay. well that, i believe that was part of the collection, dior, so that was the highest form of dressmaking, i was also responsible for the red square. >> the jewelry, accessories and all of the other affiliated -- >> fragrances. >> fragrances too, and the image that went with them and them the link up with actresses that i felt would -- who i loved their creative process too, and i felt

would be, who worked very well with the project. >> was it hard for you when natalie portman said what she said? >> she was right to say what she said. what i said was disgusting. >> so you understood immediately when she said i am disassociating myself? >> >> yes. >> rose: have you made amends to try to come back and apologize and reconnect? >> with natalie, not yet but i will be, yes. >> rose: rotate the tape again, there is what made you who you were, here it is.

>> rose: when you see that, what do you think? >> >> i mean, there is a certain joy. i can see the joy, i can also feel the trouble. >> rose: the trouble there? >> yes. >> rose: what do you mean? >> to produce collections like that, charlie, it takes so much, so much from you, and that is

the press one has to do after that, so you don't sleep several night and it is quite a tradition to work all night for you and all through the night the girls were arriving. it is enormous pressure and then there are all of the interviews, 25 film crews afterwards and -- and i just kept going. >> rose: just kept going? >> yes. >> rose: this is part of the story of what happened to john galliano. >> yes. >> what do you think you have to do now? what steps do you have to take. >> i am concentrating on my recovery, a daily -- >> rose: it is two and a half years. >> yes. gh. >> that would be a lifetime, a lifetime of work.

and i am trying to make amends. of many people today i am discovering just how many. >> rose: you upset? >> yes. >> rose: what do you say to them? the same thing you say to me? >> >> i have reached out to them, some have agreed to see me and i explain what happened. there have been positive meetings. >> rose: what about cindy -- and reno? >> before i went to rehab, i did try to reach out to them but my calls were not accepted. and quite recently i tried to reach out as well but the message i got was perhaps too early. >> too early?

>> uh-huh. >> rose:. >> rose: on the one hand you have had two big friends, oscar de la renta and anna wintour. >> yes. >> what has anna wintour meant? >> so much to me, i mean just one lunch with anna i feel so inspired after the lunch. spending a lot of time in the mountains, in the country, quite on my own, and she is an amazing lady and she inspires me. >> rose: who else has been jonathan new house? >> jonathan has been like a brother i never had, really. he has been -- helping me understand. i mean, when i first got the call from what i told you, he was quite tough. there was a sensitivity -- >> rose: what did he say? >> he was not there to see how -- he was john, you really

messed up and you have let down a lot of people. >> rose: you betrayed us almost, right? >> uh-huh. >> rose: he trusted you and you betrayed him. >> yes. >> but we are not going to give up on you. >> i ran back because that initial conversation with jonathan just stuck in my mind, and then the friendship developed more, i mean, almost daily i would write e-mails to him if i, just to let him know what my feelings were, and he has been guiding me. he is a great man. one of my wise men. >> rose: yes. you need a wise man and wise women, and it seems you have both, it seems like. people don't take your phone calls anymore like they did. >> >> it was very cleansing.

yes. >> cleansing? >> i call it cleansing. >> rose: meaning you found out who your friends orr meaning what? >> exactly that, charlie, yes. >> exactly that. and then ther there aren't peopi came in 20 years and came forward, and john, we are here if you need, rely on us. that too was quite an incredible feeling. >> rose: how do you make sure that your analysis of why? how do you make sure that you are not fooling yourself? that your analysis of why and that your mitt romney to never let this kind of thing happen again, where you are addicted to the point of extraordinary bad behavior doesn't happen again? how do you make sure that you

are on the right track? how do you make sure that your answers are the right answers? >> i never want to be in that place again, charlie, you have read about how, how that was hell for me. learning all the things i have learned and the tools that i have been given, i try to use them in my daily life every day, and that is the way that i will be able to move forward, i believe. >> your relationships survived? >> with alexis? >> yes. >> yes. we have been together 14 years. >> rose: so what is the next six months? just the next six months. >> it is day by day for me.

i try not to put my problem before that, just worrying about what happened yesterday and in 2000, much less 2018 and having done the work i have done i realize that wasn't living. that living was now, the present, being connected, so in six months time, and i don't know how to answer that. i don't know. >> is it fair to you to say the following, some people look at that period after what i suggested happened to you, the loss of some very close people and the addiction that the work had lost some of its edge? that you -- and the reason that people came to you strongly and said you have got to change was because not only were you destroying yourself, but because you were destroying your work? >> you know, the work, the sales were still good. >> rose: was it good in your

mind, though? >> in my mind, i mean, it could always be much better and especially now in my lucid state, yes, yes, of course it could be much, much better. i thought i was doing what was right for the two houses. >> for both the house of galliano and the house of dior. >> that is correct. >> but you weren't because you couldn't function as well as you should function because of all of the things that we said. >> these were troubling times for many people. >> yes, but i was still producing, charlie, i was -- >> rose: you were an addict who was performing? >> very much so, a functioning addict i believe it is called. >> rose: as you have come to understand it. >> as i have come to understand it now. >> when i started this conversation with you, i said, you know, the things we do on this program is try to understand the human condition

and how people do what they do and how they come to understand that. and you seem to in this conversation think i understand what happened to me, you know, and i blame myself about this. i apologize to anybody who suffered at my behest, of my vile words. i know it is my responsibility, i am accountable for myself, i have to change myself, no one can do this for me. on the other hand, you need a support group and you need people to believe in you but in the end, only john galliano can, in a sense, have the discipline -- >> you are absolutely right in what you are saying. and i do have a self-discipline, i believe, i do, and this journey has been a tough one, two years and three months, and i will continue.

>> yeah. >> rose: and what do you hope people understand about you today? >> you want -- >> that i am not an anti-semite and i am not a racist. i know i am not. >> rose: and fox man says what? that he knows that? >> i mean, with respect to mr. abraham fox man he has enough experience, you know, as long as dealing with racism and anti-semitism he also is here to promote tolerance and he believes that people can change. >> and atone. >> and atone. and i think he saw that. i was genuine. >> he is in a better place to measure that than most, he spends his life looking at that kind of thing.

>> you are right. absolutely. absolutely. >> rose: you think one day you will come to yourself and say this will be the best thing that happened to me, to suffer this kind of self-awareness, for what i have done to myself and how bad i was and therefore -- >> charlie, i am alive, i am alive today and i am greatful for that. >> and if you had not had a crab, you wouldn't be alive? >> no, no, no. i couldn't have gone on like that for much longer. >> rose: much longer? >> no, no, no. that was really hell. that was really hell. >> rose: so it was hell before in, the hell you were living in before you said all of those things and before it came crashing down? >> oh, yeah as i said i had become a blackout drinker and, you know, when you wake up and you don't know where you are or how you got there or time of the day, it is frightening, you are walking around fareful all the time and, yeah, it is not -- i

am alive and grateful for this cans to be learning the things that i am learning. i don't know that many people have that chance, so i am very greatful for that, yes. >> rose: and to those people who say, john, i listened to your story, i hear it. i believe you believe it. but i am so troubled i can't -- i can't be there for it. i can't accept it. what do you say to them? >> i accept that. i can't control what people think of me or say of me -- think about me. i can't control that. i accept that, but i will continue to make amends.

>> rose: do you plan to do more interviews? do you man to -- >> not really. this is -- no. that wouldn't be wise for me to do that. >> i started this interview by showing that video. it troubled you. in a sense not that i did it but because i wanted to clearly have people understand what had happened. >> i can understand your motives for showing that clip, it threw me. >> rose: it threw you, of course. >> yeah, of course. >> rose: this is to -- >> i see that is not the person you see today. it greatly saddened me to even shell of john galliano and what he was. >> rose: and for people to think that is who you are. >> i never held those beliefs and there is no society for

anti-semitism. >> rose: and there is finally this to look at the up styled of you and the experience and all of that. there is a sense of when you walked in there and saw those fabrics and you worked withr dee -- >> it was an amazing feeling and to be in new york, i mean, it was like a dream, i never thought i would experience that, the whole episode was like a dream, really. i am working with the -- i never thought that i would experience that. >> rose: what is possible, i guess is what i am asking? >> i really don't know the answer to that. i mean, i am able to create and i am ready to create, i am

feeling fit. i am feeling good. it really all depends on these steps i am taking. i mean, i hope that -- through my atonement that i will be given a second chance. a second chance. >> rose: thank you for coming. >> thank you, charlie. >> rose: john galliano. thank you for joining us. see you next time.

captioning sponsored by rose communications captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org funding for charlie rose has been provided by the coca-cola company, supporting this program since 2002. and american express. additional funding provided by these funders. and by bloomberg, a provider of multimedia news and informs services worldwide.

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