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do you remember my telling you about mr. davis? warren davis, that customer of mine? you mean that old guy who used to hang around your flower shop all the time? he was a real weirdo. he died. but a real nice weirdo. sorry, janet. i'm supposed to be at his lawyer's office on thursday. he named me in his will. his will? i don't understand. were you that close? no, terri. i hardly knew this man. then why would he put you in his will? i don't know. well, you know, maybe he was a lonely old man and-and he remembered that i was always nice to him.

that depends on how nice she was. you devil. no, maybe he's one of those you know, eccentric millionaires that you always read about. like someone is nice to them and then when they die they leave that person a million dollars! terri, terri, don't get janet's hopes up. the guy had nothing better to do than hang around a flower shop all day long. what could he possibly have to leave her? he owned a bank. a bank would be nice. a bank has more than a million dollars. oh, stop. come on, you guys, just, you're being ridiculous. mr. davis hardly knew me, okay? look, if you'll excuse me i got better things to do than thinking about how much money i'm getting. oh? like what? thinking about how i'm going to spend it. yes, i think we can handle that very well. yes. okay. yes. well, janet, it looks like we're the first to arrive. yeah, jack. i'm glad you came with me. well, somebody has to help you carry all that money home.

i'm nervous enough as it is. there's no reason for you to be nervous. then why did you insist on me wearing black? out of respect for the family, janet. this is a very solemn occasion. hi. you here for the grab bag, too? excuse me? the reading of the will. look, i hope this doesn't take too long. i've got a court reserved in half an hour. excuse me. respect, huh? he's probably the black sheep of the family. i'm surprised at how friendly he was. why wouldn't he be? well, come on, janet. you know what the family must think about you being named in the will. no. what? well, this mr. davis was an old and lonely guy and here you are, young and attractive... oh, jack! you are the only person who would think a thing like that. janet... you are the only one. oh, hello. i don't believe we've met. i'm phillip dawson. hi. i'm janet wood.

you're the one that uncle warren was...? yes. yes, uh-huh. he used to come and see me just about every day, until... until his heart gave out. excuse me. jack, he thinks that mr. davis and i... let's just sit down. forget about him, janet. shine him on, okay? just sit down. relax, janet. i don't believe we've met. my name is jack... ( crying ) sorry. my name... i've got something in my eye. you do? well, i have a little handkerchief right here for you. thank you. ( honking )

phillip, will you get the door, please? ( whimpering ) well, shall we begin? as warren's friend as well as his lawyer i can honestly say that you're all here because he loved each and every one of you. "i, warren davis being of sound and disposing mind..." etc., etc., etc. "do declare this to be my last will and testament. ( sobbing ) "to my nephew phillip i bequeath all my municipal bonds." he always loved you, dear. "to my grandson tony, i leave my house and the rest of my securities." you deserve every bit of it, tony, dear. "and to my sister grace... ( stops sobbing )

and?! that's it. ( sobbing ) i should've drowned him when he was six. "and to my granddaughter ann i leave my favorite picasso sketch." the one that hung in the study? oh, my god. that must be worth a fortune. well, in today's market, at least a $100,000. how does he know that? he's an art dealer. did you hear that, janet? $100,000. this old guy was loaded. jack, shh. control yourself. right, i'm cool. i'm cool. "and finally, to janet wood-- this is it! jack... "to janet wood, who brightened my every day...

"i leave something that meant a lot to me." his bank. shh. shh. shh. "the vase that i filled with her fresh flowers every day." did picasso make vases? shut up! miss wood. thank you. ( gasps ) oh, it's very nice. what's it worth? jack! nothing. nothing?! well, maybe 20, 25 dollars. i hope you're not too disappointed. no, i'm not. how about the box? is that anything? jack! oh, honestly. look, um, your uncle hardly knew me. he didn't have to leave me anything. i'm rather touched that he thought of me at all. um, thank you very much. you're welcome, miss wood. come on, jack, let's go. uh, good-bye.

what, jack? this has cost us enough already. only $25, huh? ( doorbell rings ) maybe only 20. oh, come on, you two. it's not how much something costs it's the thought that counts. hey, larry, where's the 30 bucks you owe me?! later, jack. oh, hi, janet. hi, larry. i thought you might like these. imported belgian chocolates? it's only money. what's the occasion? there's no occasion, jan. i was just driving down the street and thinking what a lucky guy i am

you. and don't you just know it. i passed by a store that was selling imported chocolates, so... larry... this wouldn't have anything to do with janet being named in a will, would it? she was? oh, larry. well, no, no, no, now that you mentioned it i vaguely remember mr. furley saying something about one of you... larry, this is what janet got. wow. jack: it's worth 20 bucks, larry. no. i paid more than that for the chocolates. thank you. wait a minute, larry! where's my $30?! we're even. i'll go put this room, janet. oh, no, no, no. don't put it in our room. why? well, because it'll...

okay. when i was a kid, i was scared to death of dragons. i didn't know you were that old. anyway, they used to give me nightmares, and... well... they still do? yeah, sometimes. where do you want me to put this? i don't care, so long as i don't have to see it. i'll heat up the coffee. uh, janet, did i ever tell you what freud said about girls who dream about dragons? hmm. somewhere where she doesn't have to see it. ( doorbell rings ) hi, mr. furls. where's the heiress? huh? janet! what'd she get? you're looking at it. ( gasps ) it's beautiful. you really think so? well, who wouldn't?

mr. furley, would you like to have it? me? well, you've been so nice to us over all these years... i know, but i couldn't possibly... well, if you don't want it... well, if you insist. that is ridiculous, jack. freud never said anything as sick as that. ( doorbell rings ) maybe it was larry. had to be. oh, hello. jack, isn't it? yes. you're, uh... i'm here to apologize for my behavior this morning. how'd you know roses were my favorite? i think this is for you. mm-hmm. thank you. this is beautiful. phillip, won't you come in. sure. thank you. i hope you can forgive me for being so rude to you. oh, that's all right. no, no, no, it's not, it's not. you see, some of my relatives said certain things that led me to believe that... you and my uncle were... getting it on? jack!

when you got that vase i just had to come over here and apologize. wait a minute. you came all the way over here to do that? well, i'm glad he did. otherwise, we wouldn't have met. terri alden. phillip dawson. hi. so... would you like a glass of wine or something? well, i got a better idea. have you had any lunch yet? she's busy. no, i'm not. well, listen i know this great little place where none of my relatives ever go. janet, janet... what do you want? excuse me. is that your car parked in the driveway? yes, sir, i'm afraid it is. well, i'm afraid you're going to have to move it, pronto. that's okay, phillip. that's okay. you go ahead. it'll give me a chance to change for lunch. oh, terrific. i'll be back in a second. all right. you can't let your people park in the driveway. did you see the way yeah, i did. he was looking at you? he's awfully cute, isn't he?

phony charm? well, it wasn't there this morning. and he apologized for that. oh, apologies are cheap, janet. can't you see? he's only after one thing. jack! no, not that. something valuable. ow! i'm talking about the vase! why would he want the vase?!

is janet the type of girl who will sweep a guy right off his feet? well, uh... terri! i'll answer that for you. thank you, jack. jan... hmm? you're a wonderful girl, but... but what? but you have to grow on people. like a wart? yeah... no. no. now you're putting words in mouth.

your foot's already in it. that's telling him, janet. thank you, terri. i'm glad somebody around here has some sense. on the other hand, why would a very rich man leave you something that's worthless? what? oh, honestly! sometimes you two are... well, you're just ridiculous. janet, wait a minute. terri has a... she will not face the truth. that vase is worth a fortune. she's ready to give it away. give it away? yeah. oh, no. what are you doing, terri? wait a minute. where are you going? out. no, terri, we cannot let janet out of our sight. why not? she's liable to give that vase away to that con artist. hi. larry, where have you been? you're late. give me a little hint here, terri. late for what? larry, i'm in big trouble. you've got to help me. what? i'll explain on the way down to furley's.

sure. ( doorbell ringing ) phil, come on in. is janet ready yet? almost. did she tell you her great idea--? that the two of you stay here and let me make lunch for you. i was planning on taking a drive up the coast. i know this great little place where we can stop and have lunch. you can still take the drive, phil after lunch. i don't like to brag but i happen to be a gourmet chef. well, in that case, it sounds great. what sounds great? having lunch here, of course. so, why don't you guys make yourselves comfortable over on the couch? i'll start cooking. it's quite a surprise. it certainly is. excuse me. jack! what is going on? nothing. i'm just going to make you my special chicken salad. why? because to make up for all the dumb things i said earlier. jack...

let me do it for you, janet. all right. but if you do anything to spoil this... you won't even know i'm here. go on, be playful. hi, again. it's probably going to be a while before jack gets lunch ready. it will give us a chance to talk. oh, i'd like that. hors d'oeuvre? corn chips? my people call it maize. there you go. enjoy. hey, let me... you think i could ask you a little question, phil? no. isn't she cute? stop that. phil, i was wondering... is oriental art valuable? oh, sure, it can be. even vases? they can be priceless. people have been so darn nice to me today. mrs. mcgruden finally paid her rent. then terri gave me that wonderful vase. vase?

right over here. what do you think? i sure am going to miss that painting. huh? yeah, when you get rid of it. get rid of it? oh, come on, don't kid me, mr. furley. a man of your artistic sense knows that the representational tonality of the painting is totally at odds with the vertical extension and harmonious solidity of the vase. you noticed that too, huh? larry! no, no, no he knows what he's talking about. the painting has got to go. what color are you going to repaint the wall? repaint? the wall will be faded where the picture was. oh. but that's okay because you'll want the color to match the new bar. new bar? the one that's going to show the vase off better.

this sounds like it's going to cost a lot of money. well, gee, mr. furley, if you want to do it right i can't think of anything else you can do. well, i can. get rid of the vase. and there was one vase from the han dynasty that reportedly sold for a quarter of a million dollars. a quarter of a mill...ion dollars? of course, it was authentic. it wasn't imitation like janet's. what makes you so sure that that's an imitation? well, i did look at it. ah, are you an expert on oriental art? no... then it is possible that you're wrong. it is possible, isn't it? sure, i suppose so. if you'd like i could take it to a friend and get it appraised. don't touch the vase! what is the matter with you? we got to talk. we certainly do. we can't let him take the vase.

this has gone too far, jack. phillip and i are leaving. janet, don't do it. the first thing you know he'll ask to take a drive with you up the coast. what? and then... then he'll say "i know a great little spot where we can have lunch." but you'll end up parking in a little cove and you'll watch the sunset-- you'll give away the vase, among other things and he will throw you away like yesterday's newspaper. look, jack, i've only got one thing to say to you. what? ( yells ) come on, phillip, let's get out of here. oh, great. say, would you like to take a nice little ride up the coast? what? i know this great little spot where we can have lunch. oh! ow! ow! what was that? because i don't want to end up like yesterday's newspaper. i don't understand. just go, please. you heard the lady. get out of here. janet, i told you that guy was no good. jack, you were right.

well, he didn't get it, did he? no. i'm telling you, janet you've got to be pretty shrewd to put one over on... it's gone! the vase is gone! no, it isn't. i have all of it right here. all of it? ( ceramic tinkling ) oh, no. this does not sound good... it's broken! all right let's just sit down. relax, don't panic, okay? give me this thing. it's fine. we're just going to glue this together. what do you mean glue it? they do it in museums all the time. i'll go get the glue. thank you. wait a minute. wait a minute. there's some writing on this. "wan" it's from the wan dynasty. oh, jack. lookjack, look. here's some more writing. wan tai-- it's a genuine wan tai. oh, jack! ( laughing )

"taiwan." huh? yeah, jack-- made in taiwan. it's an imitation, jack. isn't that what phillip said it was? so! he wasn't interested in me, huh? boy, i guess we misjudged him, didn't we? we?! ooh, jack, when i get my hands on you... you want to be easy.

how was lunch with phil? i explained everything. what did he say? nothing. he just kissed me. ( gasps ) and he's taking me out again tonight. i knew it. i knew it.

phil! jack... this will give me a chance to patch things up between you two. you don't have to... i want to. ( doorbell ringing ) but, jack... listen, by the time i'm finished he'll be eating out of your hand. hey, phil, come on in. hello, jack. how are you doing? listen, uh, about yesterday... i got to tell you something that... janet thought you were a terrific guy right from the start but i let my imagination run away with me. you look lovely. well, thank you but i just hope it's not too late to patch things up. shall we go? yes. let me tell you something janet's a great girl and once you get to know her she's tons and tons of fun.