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hi, george. what's the best news i could hear? bald heads are in style.

the louvers? no, florence's mouth. forget florence.tell me why you're happy. i've been trying to get mr. whitendale into a business deal. guess what he said on the elevator. "down, please"? after that, weez. after that. i give up,george. he wants to talk to me. partners at last! this has happened before. you get yourself all excited, then you end up being disappointed. that'syour fault, weez. you got sickon our wedding night. well, experience taught me that i didn't miss much. thank you, weez. whitendale'scoming any minute. i want youto get lost.

since when can't a woman get involved in business? it's a fact women causedthe great depression. come again? women causedthe great depression. no. i meant-- oh, why bother? i'm going up to helen's. look, florence. i got important persons coming. did you dust and vacuum today? no. did you wash the windows? no. why the hell not? hey, i was busy, ok? [doorbell rings] that's the door,florence. and those are your toes. stand on them to reach the doorknob. mr. whitendale.come in. jefferson, have you ever met

this lovely creatureis your wife? you're a lucky man,mr. whitendale. it's nice of you to let us intrude. my homeis your home. i know. i own the building. how is everything down on the 12th floor? another good one! take a load off. thank you. lucille would like to ask a few questions. of course, bo. forgive me, but the resemblance to bo derek is uncanny. do you haveany pets? uh, yes. her name is florence. is she a dog? well, that's one man's opinion. actually, florence is my maid. just a little joke, farrah. i mean, lucille.

i ama dog lover. i can tell. you have canine written all over your face. jefferson, you asked if you could do anything for me. anything. my wife's sister is ill. i don't have medical training, but let's go. no, no. we're visiting her this weekend. could you take care of our dog? a dog? that's it? yes. i never forget a favor. what i meant was, that's it? just one dog? just poopsie. i hoped his name was "poopsie." i couldn't bear himsleeping in a kennel. poopsie can sleep with me. weezy won't mind the couch. now, mr. whitendale, let's talk merger. you two candiscuss businesswhen we return

i hope he's not any trouble. little poopsiewon't be trouble. bring him in, ralph. here, mr. jefferson. take him, please. oh, ralph, poopsie's ripped your pants. i'm so sorry. that's all right, mr. whitendale, they're old pants, and skin grows back. thank you, sir. those are some of poopsie's favorite toys. he loves to play fetch the ball. me and louiseplay it all the time. bye-bye, poopsie. be a good boy for mr. jefferson. thanks again, jefferson. if there's any problem, put him in the corner. he won't beany problem. i was talking to poopsie. right.ok. bye.

as long as we know who's the master, right? yes, you are my guest. take anything you want. if you get hungry, help yourself to the maid. let's tie you out on the balcony. ok, let's visit the kitchen. george! oh, hi, honey. i have great news. [growl] excuse me, weez.florence's toast. it's a giftthat keeps giving. what'sthe good news? [growl] what was that? florence's bacon? is there a dog in here?

well, i-- it sure smells like a dog's been here. oh, that's florence'snew perfume. is there a dog in the kitchen? not anymore. get that thing out! he belongs tothe whitendales. i'm not getting off this couch until that thing is gone. i'll getyour nightgown. [doorbell rings] hi, george. hi, louise. what are you doing up there? i've always wanted a dog. of course, fish are nice. that dog could take off somebody's head. really?

don't be no fool. what do you want,mr. jefferson? set another plate for dinner. no!i want it out by the timewe get back. back from where? that's whati was telling you before my heart attack. tom got four tickets for the ray charlesconcert. way to go, big guy. he's my favorite singer. would ray charlessing over here? not while that monster's in here. look, the dog is afraid of florence,

florence can stay with him. wrong again, tiny bald man. i ain't spending my evening with no dog. lower your standards. the dog's willing. george, if the dog stays, you'll stay with it. i'll use your ticket. i don't like to pull rank, but-- i'm getting ready. be brave. florence, you're the maid-- and she's going, george. george, i've got to go to the bathroom. good luck. you've had dog food,biscuits, and evenflorence's new dress. there's nothing elseto eat.

no,we don't have cable! now what do youwant to do? tell me what you want. oh, not this again. ok, but this time,you fetch. yay! come here, pup. give me the ball. one more time. easy on the finger. hey. hey, dog? hey, poopsie. poopsie. poopsie.

hello. excelsior airlines? i'd like to book a flight. anywhere, as long as it's away from the whitendales. this is not a crank call. hello? hello? [doorbell rings] how did it goat lou's doggie heaven? i arranged poopsie's funeral for tuesday at 3:00. you have to be out by 4:00 because they're buryingthunder the wonder turtle.

poopsie and iwere so close. we were close, too. please. i really liked the dog. well, it's not my placeto judge you, sir. thanks for your support, ralph. i appreciate your making the burial arrangements. it wasn't easy.it hurt. the advance cameout of my pocket, which you'llwant to settle. poopsie. so sad. so sad. you're short10 bucks, sir. life goes on.have a nice day. dear abby, i am a dead man.

george? hi, weez. is the dog sleeping? yeah, i guessyou could say that. did you have a nice quiet evening? great. you know, dogs aren't so bad. you can't pet a goldfish. maybe i can teach poopsie to shake hands. poopsie knowsenough tricks. in fact, i taught himskydiving. is he good at it? not yet. mr. jefferson, is something wrong? he's upset becausehe missed ray charles. if it'll help,i won't say anything about our evening. poopsie's gone. he ran away? well, sort of.

no, but he bit something else. what? the dust. george,where's the dog? dead. dead? dead? i know! what? but how?what happened? i was sitting here on the couch. me and poopsiewere playing go fetch. i accidentally threw the ballover the balcony, and poopsie jumpedafter it. his last catchwas a great one. the dog jumped off our balcony? what will i do? the whitendaleswill kill me. now, george, calm down. you got a couple of days before the whitendales come back. you've got time to think of something. [doorbell rings]

time's up. sorry to bother you again. me, too. i couldn't bear being away from poopsie. when we stopped for gas, i phoned my sister. she seemed better, so we turned back. lucille figured her sister could get her transfusion from someone else. i missed my dog! of course. meet louise.she's my next of kin. nice to meet you. thank you. hello, mrs. whitendale. where is my poopsie? i feel like playinga little fetch. i think he's had enough of that. have a drink. have 12. no, thank you. we don't drink. not yet. mr. jefferson,i want my dog.

he ain't going to come. why? what did yousay to him? fetch. where is my poopsie? something awful has happened. now be strong,lucille. he couldn't know what he'd do. i won't let you blame yourself. blame myself? see? you're starting already. uh, perhaps the words of the immortal song would apply. what song? "you picked a fine time to leave me, lucille." just trying to help. tell me the truth. is he-- is he? as a doornail. there, there,lucille. well, he took a leap of love.

my poopsie! i know he'd want you to have this. charles. yes, dear? i want you to hurt this man. jefferson! let's talk. uh, i never had a dog, just a son. is he dead? no. then shut up! look, we're both business men. we're used to setbacks. please don't ruin me! control yourself,jefferson. why aren't dogs born with wings?

birds are. get holdof yourself, man. please don't take my money away! i'm not takingyour money away. in fact, i can'tthank you enough for what you've done. you've done mea huge favor. i tried. believe me, jefferson,i like dogs. me, too.me, too. poopsie was just plain mean. he never met a man he didn't bite. i would have gotten rid of him, but my wife loved him. when she gets upset, she's even more dangerous. you've made me a happy man. happy enough to makea business deal together? an opportunity is coming up that might be mutually profitable.

i want to go home. uh, mrs. whitendale. it's hard to think of these things at a time like this, but i made burial arrangements at lou's doggie heaven. look on the bright side. you still have your health. mr. jefferson, you are a horrible, horrible man. i can live with that. charles, i forbid you to have any dealings with that fungus. have you ever actually met a fungus? why, no. then shut up! your wife's a little upset,

with our business deal, are we? oh, yes, we are. say what? do you know whyi married her? her angelic face? be serious. she's loaded. bingo. she controls 51%of whitendale enterprises. in fact,her name's whitendale. i changed minewhen i got married. so you see, jefferson,49% of me likes you, but 51% of me hates you. you're a fungus. have a good day. george,i hate to say this, but you got exactlywhat you deserved. what? i hope youlearned something. it's mrs. whitendale i should have been after.

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