oh! hello. i'm mister ed. a horse is a horse, of course, of course and no one can talk to a horse, of course that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous mister ed can we stop a minute? oh, not again. what's wrong now, ed? will you see if there is a lump on my back? oh, no. no lump here. funny since you got off it disappeared. come on you gold brick. wait, wilbur. huh?

yeah, we'll leave it there for 30 days and if nobody claims it, it's yours. come on. quit stalling. wilbur, i'm tired. i'm tired. you're just lazy. now look, look at that horse up there. why can't you be more like him? now betsy, ride him round the bridle path and i'll wait for you right here. now be careful now. i will, mommy. now that's a horse. he's not lazy. hmm, i hate a showoff. betsy, betsy, somebody stop him. he's running away with a little girl. we've got to save her. oh, please it's my little girl. my poor baby! please do something. it's all right ma'am. my horse has gone after him. your horse? yes ma'am. look, look he's reaching him. he's got him. yes. oh. easy boy.

what are you some kind of a nut or something? there's a kid on your back are you trying to kill her? oh, don't give me that bunk about some noise scaring you. come on, chicken. come on. oh, my father was right. my little girl needed more riding lessons. i don't know why. please ma'am. your little girl's all right now. look her they come. oh, betsy. betsy, thank heavens you're all right. you aren't hurt, dear? no, mommy, i'm fine. oh, thank god. i never saw anything like this before. your horse saved my child's life. what can i do to thank you? oh, forget it. oh, no, no, please. may i have your name and address. i know my father would want to do something nice for your horse.

oh, ed doesn't want any reward. excuse me. uh, if you insist. my name is wilbur post.

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you could save up to $509 call today at see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insurance. i can't understand what happened to wilbur. he should have been back an hour ago. my lunch will be ruined. addison's fit to be tied. the boys had a golf date this morning. i know. maybe he got his appointments mixed. you mean he thinks he's supposed to ride addison and play golf with the horse? that wouldn't surprise me. when he goes out with that horse anything can happen. where do you suppose he could be? yeah, the way wilbur feels about that plug they could have stopped off for a couple of beers. you know the way he lies about mister ed's accomplishments you'd think he was his press agent. now just a minute, roger, wilbur may have his faults but he's not a liar.

carol? wait till i tell you what happened. ed and i were on the bridle path see, i just got off ed when suddenly a motorcycle backfired. another horse with a girl on his back bolted and ran away taking her with him you see. ed quick as a flash. he ran after them. he caught them, picked up the reins in his teeth and brought them both back. isn't that wonderful? i suppose you should stay with him until he gets better. take courage dear. you don't believe me. carol, you believe me? of course, dear. what really happened? it was a lie. i made the whole thing up. the reason i'm late is because ed and i stopped off to have a couple of beers. (telephone ringing) excuse me. hello? the valley globe? this is mrs. post. what? what?

wilbur... you should all be on your knees to me. hello, this is mr. post. owner of mister ed. what? yes, yes, it's true. how did you find out about it so fast? well the child's grandfather happens to be henry j. thorndyke. he was at a local press conference when his daughter called him with the news. we'd like to follow up on the story. do you mind if send over a photographer at 3:00? yes, 3:00 will be fine. don't mention it. (clears throat) the newspaper is sending photographer over here to take pictures of mister ed. do you know who the little girl's grandfather happens to be? henry j. thorndyke. not henry thorndyke the millionaire. why he owns half of catalina island.

he may drop over himself later in the afternoon. addison you've been wanting to meet him for years. yeah, anything that man touches turns to gold. oh, wilbur if you cut us in on one of his deals we'll be made. what a stroke of luck saving thorndyke's grandchild. oh, ed is very democratic. he saves them all. the rich and the poor. okay, mr. post, i'm all set. all right, where do you want us to stand? well, let's see, um... oh, i think we ought to get him over there where the light's better. hey, did you see that? he seemed to understand me. nah, he's just showing off for the press. how's this? perfect. now hold it.

somebody who loves sugar is gonna get his lumps tonight. could we take that once more please? sure. right away. here we go. one, two, three. what happened now? oh, he's just being funny. nothing worse than a horse making a jackass out of himself. well, i got the horse anyway. thank you very much. you're welcome. it was dirty pool, ed. dirty pool. why don't you want me in the picture? i didn't want to confuse any hero worshippers. yeah right. big shot. let's go back o your stall. wilbur. honey, this is mr. thorndyke. the little girl's grandfather. how do you do, it's nice to see you. hello. i guess i don't have to tell you how i feel. i'm crazy about that little granddaughter of mine

i just had to come by and thank you in person. well i'm glad i just happened to be there. oh, i mean, my horse and i happened to be there. well, so this is the fellow that saved my betsy. you know, i can't believe it yet. my daughter tells me this horse actually followed betsy's horse and brought him back with the reins in his teeth. yeah, that's... that's the truth. mister ed has always been fond of little children. wilbur. oh, i'm sorry. i beg your pardon. i didn't know you had company. i'll see you later, wilbur. please uh... please stay, rog. all right. yeah. mr. thorndyke, i'd like you to meet my neighbor, roger addison. oh, how do you do? mr. thorndyke, how are you? i'm happy to meet you. roger, what are you doing with those apples? oh, these? they're for this wonderful horse of yours. i'm very fond of this animal and i think he kind of likes me, too. here you are, boy. ed. he's not hungry, rog. he's already had a dozen apples. that ain't hay. (laughs)

(laughs) what a wonderful animal. you two must be very proud of him. oh, yes. mister ed and my husband are inseparable. mr. thorndyke i read in the paper last week about your forming a syndicate for a land development project in arizona. that's right. how old is mister ed? he'll be eight next month. and you wouldn't think by looking at him. he has one of those baby faces. now i happened to have saved some money. you're very wise. there is a special reason for my coming here today, mr. post. i want you and your wife to spend the weekend with me at catalina. our city is celebrating its anniversary. we're having a big parade with floats and music. and you'll have the time of your life. what do you say? how wonderful. well we'd love to come, mr. thorndyke, but we're having a theater date with the addisons. oh, wilbur, forget about us. inconsequential. don't worry about us at all. go ahead enjoy yourselves. we'll find something else to do. well, now why don't you and mrs. addison join us we've plenty of room.

but no, no, no i wouldn't impose. i insist. all right i accept. good. good. now there is one thing more. i am grand marshal of the parade and i would like this hero to lead it with my granddaughter. i tell you when this breaks in the newspaper there'll be hundreds of children just itching to cheer this... this wonderful animal. hmm, i can just see mister ed signing autographs. then it's all settled. i'll have my yacht in san pedro on saturday send my chauffer round to pick you up. how about a nice cool drink, mr. thorndyke? good, i'd like that. i'll join you as soon as we put away ed. i've always been interested in land development, mr. thorndyke and i have some ideas on the subject that you might find interesting. i believe in investing in land development. oh, ed this saturday morning you'll be sailing away on your way to a hero's welcome on catalina island. i am not going. huh, why not? i am not getting on any boat.

guy: hey, sara. oh my gosh. he's so cute. how do you know him? c'mon donovan, do it like i taught ya. love the new tattoo, sara. let's go! dude. what? dude, that's sara. who's sara? the girl in the pink shirt. that's the girl i was telling you about. oh, that's sara. theater two on your left. hey sara, what color underwear today? hey sara. so, when you gonna post something new? announcer: anything you post online, anyone can see. family, friends... see ya later, sara.

i can't believe you're afraid to get on a boat. you're a hero. only on dry land. when they build a bridge to catalina island i'll go. everybody travel on the water, noting can possibly go wrong on a boat. then why do they carry life preservers? it's just in case. i'm staying right here. you never heard of a barn going down. that's a ridiculous phobia. they have all sorts of modern precautions on boats. when something goes wrong they always yell women and children first. then if there's room left the men go. oh, come on. the captain and the horses go down with the ship. what's this book you're reading? shipwrecks of the pacific coast.

ed, there is only one way to lick your fear of the water. oh, no, wilbur. no. you want those thousands of children to see you crying. well, crying beats drowning. look, ed, come on down and look at the ocean. see how calm and beautiful it is. come on. easy, wilbur, easy. slow now. easy. easy now. don't tip the pier. (stammers) what's that? help! shark! horse eating shark. ed. oh, stop that ed. those are just little baby fish. yeah, but their father might be around. ed, i'm going to make you get on that boat. wait, wilbur. we're pals, aren't we? yeah. and you wouldn't make me do anything you wouldn't do.

that's right. then you get on the boat first. all right, i will. all right. see how safe it is. okay, now walk around the other side. all right. ed, ed, we're drifting. do something. i am. i'm going home. ed, this is a dirty trick. just for that we are going on saturday. you hear me. you're going to catalina on saturday. (horn blowing)

rog, that's quite an outfit. pretty impressive, eh? yeah. but shouldn't you be wearing the whistle to call taxis? oh, wilbur, stop it. i think roger looks positively handsome. he looks like a little doll. don't you listen to wilbur, sweetheart. if there's a whistle coming with that outfit, mother will get it for you. (both laughing) well, thorndyke's chauffer should be dropping by any minute now to pick us up. oh, thank you, honey. oh, i'm really starting to get excited now. ah, me too. you know i have a feeling that this is going to be the most unforgettable weekend of my life. you know why? because it's free. my dear, if thorndyke takes me into a syndicate we'll both be wearing mink. oh, honey, shouldn't you get mister ed ready? oh, yes. yeah. rog, would you care to give me a hand with ed?

anytime i can do something for that wonderful animal count on me. oh, boy! but to think just a couple of days ago roger couldn't stand mr. ed. that's one thing you can count on my husband, give him something for nothing and you touch that soft spot in his wallet. (both laughing) well, now that the fashion show is over i think i better go get the suitcases. okay, see you in a minute. okay. ed, we're ready to go. what's wrong, wilbur? we can't keep that boat waiting. he's just acting stubborn. come on, rog, push. i am pushing. what's the matter with him? we'll never get to catalina at this rate. roger, you should never mention the word catalina. wilbur, i... i don't understand. you know how important this trip is to me. to us. and if we get to catalina without this horse thorndyke isn't going to be very friendly.

now please do something, will you? ed, i'm ashamed of you. when noah was putting all those animals in the ark, where do you think you'd be today if one of the horses refused to go? not on that boat to catalina, i'll tell you that. wilbur, i can't understand why mister ed is acting this way. he isn't sick is he? no. he's just spoiled. must be some way of getting him on that boat. maybe if i sneaked a few sleeping pills into his feed. no, how are we going to carry a sleeping horse out of the barn. oh, honey, look at the time. i'll get it, dear. i think i've got our problem solved. come with me.

where did you get the horse? i rented him. from the briarcliff stables. he looks just like mr. ed, doesn't he? well, his hair is a little longer. well, we can give him a crew cut. thorndyke will never know the difference. ed, has a longer tail. so he got his tail caught in a lawn mower. anything else? well... ed's nose is a little shorter. hey, if you think i'm going to pay for a nose job for this nag you're crazy. now wait a minute, rog, let's be sensible we can't go fooling thorndyke with another horse. that's dishonest. you're darn right it is. its low underhanded, crooked and get carol ready we're leaving in five minutes. look, ed.

here's your paper. thank you, joey. hi, mister ed. huh? gee, i saw his picture in today's paper. did he really save that little girl? well, actually this horse... actually, this horse is one of the bravest animals that you will ever see. brave? if his ears were any bigger he'd be a rabbit. i bet he isn't afraid of anything. no, he's not, joey. a true hero is afraid of nothing. why, to save a human life this animal would go through fire and water. ha, ha, he wouldn't go through a lawn sprinkler on a hot day. you mean if i was drowning he'd save me? oh, sure. not only save you he'd give you artificial respiration. that faker would pass out if a moth attacked him. mr. post is he really going to be the star of that big parade in catalina? oh, yes! will they give him a medal? oh, sure. i wouldn't be surprised

good luck, mister ed. bye, mr. post. bye, joey. well, mr. ed, after i brush you down i'll put you into your trailer. just one cotton picking minute. just a moment. you'll never brush the yellow streak off his spine. hi. and stop calling that seedy plug, mister ed. well... steal my feed bag, but not my good name. now look, ed, those kids in catalina are expecting to see a hero and i'm not going to disappoint them. but that's cheating, wilbur. old lard belly here didn't save that kid. now, ed. come on, fella. wilbur, no one will believe he's mister ed. oh, i wouldn't be too sure about that. i would and you know why? why? because his name's gertrude.

very funny. come on, boy. well, wait, wilbur. i'll go. ed, are you sure about that? you know, it means getting on that boat. well, if we go down we'll go down together, buddy boy. oh, i'm glad you're coming, ed. you can't lie to kids, wilbur. they're coming to see a hero. not a phony pony.

ed, you've got to admit that was a perfect weekend. yeah, it was a gasser. ed, i was really proud of you. the way you marched at the head of the parade with your head high and your chest out, prancing like a real hero. yeah, guess i did ham it up a little. mostly ed i was proud the way you overcame your fear of the water. wilbur, let's go rent a boat tomorrow, okay? if you really wanna go, ed.