a horse is a horse, of course, of course and no one can talk to a horse, of course that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous mister ed how time flies. a year ago today, i became wilbur's horse. hope he hadn't forgotten our anniversary. so far, not even a card. good morning ed. beautiful morning, isn't it? the 12th of this month will always be beautiful to me. you know, i think i'd better call mr. winslow and ask for some more time for these plans on his house. why will the 12th of this month always be beautiful ed?

by golly, that's right. it was a year ago today that we became man and horse. happy anniversary buddy boy. happy anniversary ed. and now let's dry our tears and start handing out the gifts. i forgot! the store's open late tonight. okay, anything that's special you'd like? just, eh, tolkeins. a color television set. all right. excuse me now. i've got to call mr. winslow. i found the best new beauty parlor in the whole neighborhood. and there's a new operator there. his name is pierre. and if you can get him to do your hair. oh, you'll just be so happy. she's been on that phone for twenty minutes. i've got to catch my client before he leaves his house. you could call him from the television store while you're getting my gift. do you know how much a colored tv set costs? money's never any object when you buy carol a present! she is my wife.

all right, i'll treat you the same way i would treat carol. tonight we'll have dinner at the grove. and at midnight, we'll dance the anniversary waltz.

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switch to liberty mutual and you could save up to $509 call today at see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insurance. ooook so lovely. that new operator i was telling you about, pierre, well he gave me the recipe. now don't forget. don't let them talk you into andre because he's much too slow. of course, they do have two other operators and manicurists... -one telephone. -one... i'll call you back later marge. someone just came in. hi, honey. i guess you want your lunch now, eh? when you started that conversation, i wanted my breakfast. oh, i'm sorry darling but you know how marge loves to gab. honey, when she calls up, why don't you tell her you're busy? because, i called her. look, from now on these phone conversations are going to be short and to the point! hello. nice talking to you. goodbye. i mean, this phone is also my office phone. oh wilbur...

hello. nice talking to you. goodbye. -wilbur, are you home? -right with you rog. i'd like my lunch now dear, please. yes, your highness. wilbur. hey, i've been calling you all morning. your phone's been tied up. tied up? it's been strangled. carol's been gabbing away on the phone, but i really laid the law down. i said from now on, those calls are going to be short and to the point. you really told your wife to cut down on the telephone calls? that's right. an act of raw courage. in england, you'd be knighted for that. oh, it's nothing roger. i happen to have a very understanding wife. one thing about carol. when she's wrong, she's the first one to admit it. carol: wilbur, you can sit down. your lunch is ready. thanks, hon. see rog? no hard feelings. she's a great old sport.

my, that looks yummy. no, she's just kidding rog. i mean we're always making little jokes like that. you know? i mean... a sense of humor, it's the oil on the troubled waters of matrimony. -then why aren't you laughing? -because it's not funny! excuse me, rog. honey, i think it's time we had a little chat. hello. nice talking to you. goodbye! that's all i'm allowed to say. carol, i don't think i'm being unreasonable about this telephone. hmph! honey, i think i know what your problem is.

i mean if you had to go out and work and earn money to pay these bills, you might show a little more consideration. oh, you want me to go to work. is that it? i didn't say that. very well, i'll pay my way. i don't want to be a burden here. i'll earn my keep. carol, nobody is asking you to go to work. i mean, even if you wanted to go to work, there's nothing you could do. oh, you think not? why, there are a dozen jobs i could handle. maybe it would be a good idea if i got a job. then we wouldn't have these money arguments. i think i'll start job hunting today. okay, honey. -what? -i'm very proud of you dear. good luck. oh, sorry rog. i didn't know you were listening. my boy, i'm proud of you! you handled her beautifully. you got to call that bluff. i mean can you imagine carol, a dolling in the beauty shops, going to work?

oh yeah, yeah. -hi sweetie. -hi kay. -what are you doing? looking for a sale? -no, for a job. a job? doesn't wilbur like what he's doing? it's a job for me kay. i've decided to go to work. for you? bite your tongue sweetie. marriage is a partnership composed of a team. the worker and the shirker. and you know what team we're on. no kay. wilbur made an issue of the telephone bills, so i've decided to pay my own way. carol, a husband wants to support his darling little wife. because, well if he doesn't, we throw him in jail. now, eh. throw away those wanteds they're making me nervous. no, kay. if i give up now. i'll never hear the end of it. there must be some job i can handle. well, if you've made up your mind, let's be logical. now, what are the things you do well? well, i'm a good cook. fair cook?

good enough to eat out. next. -well, i'm a real good dancer. -why that's right, you are. why, i bet a dance studio would hire you in a minute. yes, i could teach dancing, couldn't i? well, you taught addison how to cha cha. and the only step he knew before that was the minuet. i wonder what wilbur will say if i do get a job. oh well, i don't think he really wants you to work. he'll make you quit after the first day. that's what i'm counting on. -hey ed. -get my tv set? you know, a colored tv set would be wasted on you. everybody knows, all animals are color blind. a rumor. spread by the makers of black and white sets. no. it is an established fact. we learn in zoology that all animals are color blind. -unable to distinguish... -you shouldn't wear that green sweater with those blue slacks. don't interrupt. animals can only distinguish shades of grey.

that was just a wild guess. you get a load of that maroon shirt. you look like the scarlet pimpernel. according to everything i've read, horses aren't supposed to see color. a horse isn't supposed to talk either. anyway, you can't have a colored tv set. it's too expensive. honey, i'm off to work now. oh, i left some cold cuts and potato salad in the refrigerator for you. okay, carol. wait a minute. what's this about work? well dear, i told you i was getting a job. i've got to run now. i'll tell you all about it when i get home tonight. if you're still awake. how. hold it. what kind of a job do you have? guess. a welder?

-a dance instructor? -that's right, honey. every evening from 5 to 10. monday through friday. one-two, cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. i'll make more than enough to pay for the phone bills. one-two, cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. hasta la vista. cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. one-two. maybe, i can get a job too. buy my own color set. now let's see. help wanted - women. help wanted - men. and no help wanted - horses. discrimination. here's one. sell real estate by phone.

was it really that tough carol? it was awful. six beginners. i was pushed, stepped on, bumped and dragged around. i feel like i've just survived a buffalo stampede. well, remember sweetie. wilbur is suffering much more than you are. oh sure. right now, he's bowling his little heart out. when i got home a few minutes ago, all i found was a note and some corn plasters. oh kay, i think i'll quit my job. you can't quit! i was against this, honey. but. well if you give up now, wilbur will never let you hear the end of it. i know, but i... here they come. remember what a nasty laugh wilbur has. put these on. quick! rog, come on in. help me carry my exhausted little breadwinner up to bed. all right.

oh kay, i wish you'd been there. it would have been so much fun with you. you would have loved it! oh addison hasn't taken me dancing in a thousand years. she doesn't look like she needs to be carried to bed, does she? no. but you do. don't look so worried. smile. one-two, cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. honey, we home. oh, hi boys. oh, what a night! -you are worn out, uh? -oh no! oh, no, i never knew work could be so much fun! imagine being paid for doing something you just love. isn't that swell? one-two, cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. one-two, cha cha cha. carol tells me, she's been booked for the next five weeks. -five weeks? -that's right honey. you won't have to worry about that telephone bill anymore. honey, about the phone and this job... a great little wife you've got there wilbur. not many women would be willing to share the expenses.

come on doll. let's fix some coffee for the boys. they look tired. come on kay. one-two-three la congo one-two-three la congo one-two-three la congo one-two-three la congo one-two-three la congo one-two-three la congo one-two-three la congo rog, a $40 phone bill, isn't too bad. wilbur, if you give in now, she'll never let you forget it. she'll laugh at you for the rest of your life. yeah. and her laugh's nearly as nasty as mine is. you mark my words. in two weeks she'll come begging. two weeks? before you said two days! but remember my boy. the longer the fight, the sweeter the victory. oh fine. i'm fighting and she's dancing.

i represent the golden acres real estate company. the breathtaking beauty of death valley can now be yours. get in on the newest and most exciting land offering in the west. i'll have to call you back sir. hello, blue eyes. say, i like that yellow sweater with the turquoise shirt. okay, so you're not colorblind. you're still not going to get that tv set. and this is not turquoise. it happens to be baby blue. well, snap my rompers. you're right. look. i've been having trouble with carol the last few days. one nag in the family's enough. what if i paid for the set with my own money? you wanna go to work too? like carol? i might. maybe, i should call miss irene's and see if they need another dance instructor.

maybe you'd like to be a waiter at the turf club. just don't be surprised if i earn that money. i wouldn't be surprised at anything anymore. well, i've got to get some of my own work done. where are those winslow sketches? wilbur, i just saw carol. she told me to tell you that she was going to that dance studio in just a few minutes and she left a turkey in the ice-box. oh fine. while she's dancing with some hot latin, i'll be snuggling up with a cold turkey. -i'm going to make her quit. -don't. don't weaken my boy. don't weaken. as i told you, it's just a matter of two or three months. months? wilbur, when have i ever advised you wrong? when? well, let's see. we moved next door to you on the 12th of april. i'd say, since the 12th of april. all right, fine. don't listen to me. go in there on your hands and knees. beg her to quit. give her free reign on the phone. humble yourself. wave the white flag.

that is the worst thing he could possibly do. now he's got me talking to this dumb animal. some day i'm going to answer him and he'll drop dead. honey, i feel that one worker in the family is enough. oh well, darling, if you want to quit your job, go ahead. -excuse me honey. -(phone ringing) hello. yes, this is mrs. post. oh, how much is our telephone bill up to yesterday? what? $148? oh, but there must be some mistake. hello, this is mr. post. what was that amount again? $148? so the telephone's been in constant use, eh? thank you very much.

of course. that big bill. that was me making phone calls in my sleep. oh, you never take my word for anything. (door beel ringing) -well, mr. reeves, come on in. -thank you. my goodness. we haven't seen you since you sold us the house. yes, well it's been almost a year. you know, since then i've been made vice president of the golden acres real estate corporation. -well, congratulations. -thank you. say, is mr. ed post your father? my father. yeah. yes, yes. he gave me this address. -well, he does live here. yeah. -oh, wonderful. well, i came over personally to give him this commission check. and to thank him for the bang up job he's done for us. he's been selling real estate? by telephone. oh, he's got such a smooth line. he even talked three

so, he's been selling on the telephone, uh? oh, your father's the greatest. why we've got customers coming from san diego, oakland, phoenix, tucson. there's no telling how many people he's called. $148 worth. well, he's not here right now mr. reeves. but if you want, i'll give him this commission check. oh fine, fine. oh, uh. would you have your father give me a ring when he comes in? i'd like to offer him a job training our sales personnel. you know, put him behind the desk. you're going to have a little trouble with his chair. i mean, he's the outdoor type. i'll tell him mr. reeves. ah. well fine. thank you, thank you. -and goodbye mr. post. -nice to have seen you again. -hope it isn't another year. -well thank you, i hope not. -goodbye. -goodbye. goodbye. is this the tijuana operator? (speaking in foreign language) i'm calling pablo chavas.

(speaking in foreign language) ed, do you know that my phone bill up to the day is $148? boy, all this is my business phone. it's deductable. do you know you caused a fight between me and my wife? i've been blaming her for your phone calls. -(laughing) -imagine that. she'll forgive you once she sees we've got a colored tv set in here. oh, so that's it, eh? well a mr. reeves from the golden acres real estate left this commission check for you. uh, swell. well, how much is it? three dollars less than our phone bill. well, wilbur. i didn't go to work to pay your debts. listen here. you touch that telephone once more and you'll be playing the lead in death of a salesmen.

what do you want? honey, i'm sure you didn't make those phone calls. i mean, if you say you didn't, i believe you. you didn't believe me a few minutes ago. you yelled at me. honey, i didn't mean anything. it's just that, i haven't been myself. ever since you started work. well, if you told me to quit, i'd have to. i mean, after all, a wife should do what her husband wants. i want you to quit. a woman's place, is on the phone. i mean, mainly in the home. why don't you call the dance studio and tell them you were tired? i already have. then where are you going in that bikini evening dress? you knew i'd make you quit. well, i had the feeling you would. but just to make sure, i resigned. well, how about the last dance, teacher?

i want to make sure that she gets andre instead of pierre. last week she got pierre. he did a terrible job on her hair. oh! just terrible! hello marge. listen, the reason you got andre instead of pierre is because tuesday is pierre's day off. you're late for work. you grab your 10-gallon jug of coffee, and back out of the garage. right into your wife's car. with your wife watching. she forgives you... eventually. your insurance company, not so much. they say you only have their basic policy. don't basic policies cover basic accidents? of course, they say... as long as you pay extra for it. with a liberty mutual base policy, new car replacement comes standard. and for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. learn more by calling at liberty mutual, every policy is personal,

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ed, i got you a little anniversary gift. oh, you shouldn't have. but, better late than never. i'll give you three guesses what it is. -does it have to be hooked up? -yeah. -is it color? -yeah. -a tv set? -no. a green muzzle. that ought to cut down your sales pitch a little. very funny. very funny. hehehehehehehehehehehehello.