those were the days and you knew where you were then girls were girls and men were men mister, we could use a man like herbert hoover again didn't need no welfare state everybody pulled his weight gee, our old lasalle ran great

[sighs] michael!

anybody ever tell you you're cute? yes, but... mike your husband? oh, yes, but-- let me tell you something about men. a lot of them do pretty well with the women. but the iceman always has his pick. [laughing uncomfortably] ma! she's in the kitchen too. thank you. ma! wait a second. wait a second. who's that man out in the living room? gloria, i'm getting the story right now. michael, there's a strange-- i'll tell you all i know so far. his name is quigley. ma found him walking around in his pajamas. he was gonna take a nap. michael, that doesn't make any sense. it does if you talk to ma. ma, what was that old man doing wearing his pajamas in the street? walking up and down. see, doesn't that make sense? ma? see, when he sneaked away from the old folks' home, he made believe he was taking a nap

but-- ma! then how did you meet him? through the window at ferguson's market. you can see through the window at ferguson's market. but, ma, what--? well, you see, the woman in front of me on the checkout line was arguing that her 7-cent coupon from yesterday's paper was still good today because she was busy with the children yesterday and she didn't get a chance to read the paper, it turns out. she turned to me, and she says, "don't you think i should have 7 cents off?" and i just smiled and looked out the window and then i saw mr. quigley pass by. i don't know why you can't follow a simple story. ma, is that the whole story? no! when i finally got out of the market, there was mr. quigley again, looking lost,

oh, so you invited him to stay here. yeah, until he gets in touch with his daughter. excuse me. mr. quigley, your coffee's ready. oh, thank you. you know, i had a wife once. she'd never open her mouth till after that first cup of coffee. and you know what i used to do? no, what? i used to hide the coffee on her. hey, edith. edith! oh, archie, i'm so glad you're home! ohh, what a lousy day i had. i got something to tell you. i'm talking, edith. didn't you hear me? i said, "oh, what a lousy day i had." i wanna tell you, i'm just wore out. you know, i ain't as young as i used to be. oh, yeah, i know. what do you mean, you know?

i'm sorry, archie. can i tell you my surprise now? you know, i think i can guess. oh, you mean like twenty questions? i think i could do it in three. is it littler than a breadbox? no. is it bigger than a breadbox? yes. then it can only be one thing. an old man in pajamas munching on a cookie. archie! how did you know that? he's standing over there! oh! i'll bet you knew it all the time. mr. quigley, this is my husband, archie.

glad to know you there, pop. uh, edith... get over here. excuse me. why don't you sit down? what did you do, bring an old man home to take a nap? oh, no, archie. i brought him in so he could make a phone call. you see, he called his daughter so she could come and pick him up, but she wasn't home, so he's gonna call her later on. i don't follow you, edith. you take some man out of bed to bring him to my house to call his daughter? no, you see, it all started-- edith, all right. all right. all right, edith, i'll find out myself. i'd like to get the story before the first of the month. uh, excuse me there, pop. uh, you mind if i ask you something? no, shoot. uh, how come you're all dressed for beddy-byes? well, at my age you never know when a nap's gonna come over you.

when you broke out? mr. quigley ran away from an old folks' retirement home. why did you do that? you ever been in an old folks' home? yeah, i used to visit my uncle roy in one of them. it was pretty soft there. he had three squares a day, all the television he wanted, bingo every tuesday. suppose you don't want to play bingo every tuesday. you mean, they force you to play bingo? will you shut up? they force you to play bingo? of course not. well, what's the matter with the home? you see that wart? the wart? yeah. you know what it's good for? no. nothing. and that's how you feel when you're in an old folks' home. good-for-nothing and useless.

after all, it's a free country. why don't you just leave and get a place of your own? you ever try finding an apartment when all you got to live on is 180 bucks a month social security? you'll see. how long have you got before you'll be 65? oh, i got plenty of time there. i ain't been thinking about that. why don't you make your phone call? ma, this cash register slip can't be right. you spent over $27 on two little bags of groceries? yeah, that's right. oh, no, that cash register must have been on the blink. let me check it for you. that's right. $27.52. oh, come on there. nobody can add up a list that fast. let me see the tape here. i'll tell you what this is here. check into that, meathead. what are you so surprised about, daddy? there are plenty of people who can add fast. all right, but not at his age.

it checks out. ain't that wonderful? what makes you so good at arithmetic? i used to be a book-keeper. well, if you're so good at figures how come you ain't still working? it wasn't my fault. i guess they figured that an old man would make the office kind of look run-down. yep, they got all kinds of medicines to keep us living longer and longer. now they got us living longer, they don't know what to do with us. you wait and see. oh, i don't want to talk about it. uh, do you know your daughter's phone number? sure. five-five-five seven-two-four-three. five-five-five seven-two-four-three. well, i think we can get you out of here faster if i call, because i can talk faster than you. if she knew it was me calling, she wouldn't even pick up the phone. oh, i can't believe that. i mean, any daughter would be glad to know where her father is. i mean, after-- oh, shush. hello.

and i got good news for you. i got your father here with me. no, no, no, no, this ain't the home. no, he crashed out of there. no, no. no, no. he don't want to go back there, see? i don't know why. it's got something to do with warts. well, i tell you what. i live at 704 hauser street in queens, and if you start right over here, you can get him out of here before we sit down to eat. wait a minute there. are you sure you gave me the right number here? because this don't sound like your daughter. did she tell you to go to hell? yeah.

ahh! mrs. bunker, a lunch like this

and that wonderful night's sleep, you're just going to spoil me. oh, it's my pleasure, mr. quigley. oh, no more coffee, please. i'm taking this up to archie. he's sleeping late this morning. now, don't you forget to call your friend joe. ah! no, no. no! i wasn't-- no. uh! oh, no! no! no! no! get away from me! get away from me! arggh! ohh, edith. what time is it? it's 12:00. twelve o'clock? half the day is gone. why didn't you wake me up? it's your day off, archie. you needed your rest. but, edith, i was having a nightmare here. don't ever let me sleep when i'm having a nightmare. i'm sorry, archie. what did you dream?

i was out all alone someplace in the cold, you know? only in my pajamas. and it's snowing, see, and i'm freezing cold. and i'm stumbling along tripping over my beard. what beard? in the dream i got a long white beard, see? and i'm going along there and i'm stumbling over it and i'm-- i'm looking for mike and gloria's house. you mean mike and gloria moved into their own house? yeah. that was the only good part of the dream. so i'm going through this strange neighborhood, you know, and i'm looking for their house, but i can't find the address because all the street signs are in polish. but then, all of a sudden i heard the sound of somebody eating. i said, "that must be the meathead's house."

right up to the door, see, and i knock on the door and gloria comes out. she says, "get away from here, old man. go on, get out of here." and she stands there laughing at me. oh, gloria would never do a thing like that. don't tell me she wouldn't do it. i seen it with my own eyes. poor archie. what did you do? oh, i hollered out to gloria for help there, but all she done was laugh and say, "get out of here." and she went and made a phone call. the next thing you know, these two big guys showed up, see, all dressed in white. and then they threw a net over me and dragged me into this old building, see. and i'm cold and i'm wet and i'm tired. all i want to do is sleep. they wouldn't let me sleep. they kept me up all night playing bingo.

i couldn't win. they give me a card with no numbers on it. oh, my! now, why would i dream an awful dream like that? maybe it had something to do with mr. quigley. quigley! that's right. because he slept under the same roof with me. because you and the kids conned me into letting him stay here overnight. well, it's overnight right now, and i want him out. oh, but, archie, maybe he will, very soon. yeah? why? well, because he told me he had an old friend named joe he could share an apartment with. when is he gonna come and get him? oh, i don't know. you see, mr. quigley had a fight with his friend, and he didn't want to call. oh, jeez. but something i said to him must have made him change his mind and call joe. oh, yeah? what did you say?

so, mr. quigley, is everything set between you and joe? well, if it ain't, i'll just go back to the home. i thought you said you'd never go back there again. yeah, i did. but you know the old proverb. "a bird in the hand--" oh, yeah. "can get you awful dirty." just passing through, everybody. i got to get archie his breakfast. i couldn't move that fast when i was 21. what did you do for fun when you were 21? a lot of things i can't do now. yeah, but what i liked to do most was to go dancing. oh, really? what kind of dancing did you do way back then? i'll show you. oh. now, here we go. everybody's doin' it doin' it, doin' it everybody's doin' it doing what? turkey trot

watch them throw their shoulders in the air he's a bear he's a bear he's a bear hey! quigley, what about the phone call? it's all set. joe's coming to pick me up. oh, good. when? could be any minute. oh, wonderful, wonderful. or it could be a few days. now, don't get me wrong. joe's bright, smart as a whip. but sometimes joe kind of forgets. joe forgets? edith! edith! in here! edith, listen. from what i just heard out there, this guy joe may never get here unless he stops first to take a memory course. i don't understand. why can't mr. quigley stay for a couple of days? because i already got one freeloader with me and bread's up 10 cents a loaf. i know what to do. i'll call the home. oh, no, archie, don't do that.

and it don't hurt us that much to take care of him for a couple of days. edith, that ain't our job. let the government take care of him. but that's just it, arch. the government's not takingare of him. what are you talking about? you heard yourself, the guy's got social security. sure, 180 bucks a month. meanwhile, the official poverty level is 205 a month. don't you see, arch? the government is just helping old people to starve slower. well, maybe when you start working and paying taxes, the government can do better. arch, guys like quigley can barely make ends meet when they're healthy. what happens when he gets sick? don't be stupid! ain't you never heard of medicure? it's medicare. and i saw a documentary about it on television. the way it works out, it only pays for 42 percent. the rest comes out of the old people's pockets. can't you see by my face that i don't want to talk about it no more? well, i want to talk about it, arch! maybe we should. it won't be long before we'll be in our golden years.

don't talk about that no more. and don't be listening to this meatheaded pinko over here. the president's gonna take care of people like you and me. didn't he push up the social security five percent? while groceries went up 20 percent. oh, what do you care? that's just another 20 percent you're eating free. get away from me. oh, archie, don't-- get away from me. come on, it's just gonna be a couple of days. would the two of youse get off of my back? uh, say, mr. quigley, there, i really got to tell you something-- [doorbell rings] oh! could that be your friend joe? i'll bet it is. i'll answer it. i'll answer it. i always answer the door to people who are welcome in this house. and your friend joe's welcome here. hello. uh, who are you? i'm jo. hey, quigley, you mean to tell me

yep. josephine. jo, meet my friends, the bunkers. how do you do? and this is mrs. bunker, who rescued me. oh, well, i'm so happy to know you. oh, me too. archie, ain't they a lovely couple? how do you mean "couple"? they ain't married, edith. unless-- are you? no, and we ain't gonna get married either. if we did, there'd be no point in living together. at your age, talking about living together? i'd be ashamed of myself if i was you. oh, come on, sonny. get with it. do you know what'd happen if jo and i got married? i'd lose half my social security. that's the way the government's taking care of them, arch. oh, lay off the government over there, will you? i mean, i don't care personally if they live together. let them live together.

just whatever comes to mind. well... i'll get my hat and coat. justin, did you hear about poor old hazel quinn? no. don't tell me she passed away. worse. she was picked up for shoplifting and thrown into jail. they can't put a good woman like that in jail. what are you talking about, quigley? anybody that steals deserves to be in jail. hazel quinn is 78 years old, and she was hungry. so she stole a can of tuna. chicken of the sea. it's a good thing the government raised social security five percent, right, arch? clam up, you. well, we got to be going now. i sure want to thank you for the lovely way you took care of me. i'd like to do something to sort of make it up to you. give you one little piece of advice. one good turn gets most of the blanket.

you're so clever. oh, i'm not really that smart, but people expect an old man to be wise, and i didn't want to disappoint you. come on, jo. well, let us know when you get settled. we'd like to see both of you again. gloria: wait a minute. how would you two like to be new grandparents? i don't think we got time. no, no, i mean, like foster grandparents, for all of us. oh, i don't need no kind of grandparents. come on, daddy. i never knew my real grandma and grandpa. well, you wouldn't have liked them. he don't mean that. well, i like these two, and i'd like you to come visit us on holidays. oh, what a lovely idea. thank you, dear. yeah, maybe sometimes we can go visit you. go as often as you can, meathead. well, jo, it looks like we've just been adopted.

hey, yeah, that's a good idea. next christmas. see you next christmas there. ha, ha, quigley. oh, i'm going to give you one more piece of advice. and this is just for you, sonny. something my father said to me. he said, "son, don't ever grow old." what's that supposed to mean?

songs that made the hit parade guys like us we had it made those were the days and you knew where you were then girls were girls and men were men mister, we could use a man like herbert hoover again didn't need no welfare state everybody pulled his weight gee, our old lasalle ran great

oh, mike! there you are. thanks, ma. but what was that for? it's henry mancini's birthday.

what--? what was that about henry mancini? well, he wrote the song "moon river." moon river-- yeah. i know. wider than a mile-- ma, i know the song. i know the song. what was that about his birthday, though? well, 12 years ago, when that song first came out, it was summer, and very hot, and archie came home one day and he said, "edith, i'm taking you on the town tonight. "we're going to the radio city music hall "and then to schraft's for a banana split. we're shootin' the works." ma, wait! ma, wait a second. let me get this straight. 12 years ago, you went to radio city music hall and then you had a banana split. what does that have to--? archie was in such a good mood that night. and the stage show at the music hall! the rockettes were all dressed up like poor little street kids, except they had high heels.

yeah. uh, ma-- ma! wait a second. i'm still waiting for henry mancini. well, that was the picture at the music hall, breakfast at tiffany's, and the song in the picture was "moon river." oh. both: by henry mancini. and then, when archie and me got home, gloria's radio was playing "moon river." and we heard it as we was walking up the stairs and we started humming it together, and archie kissed me. oh! [giggles] excuse me. that was the best part of one of the best days in my whole life. and all because of henry mancini. yeah. and the whole night me back to me when i was reading in ed sullivan's column that today is henry mancini's birthday. oh, yes.

[laughs] we love you too, ma. oh, i just can't wait for everybody to get home. i hope archie's in a good mood. do you have to slam the door like that? gee, i hate that! i really hate that! listen, meathead, when i come home after a hard day's work, that means i've been working hard all day. why? so i can make money. to buy things, like a house. and on that house is a door, which i also bought. why? so as when i come home after a hard day's work, i got something to slam after me. hello, archie. how was your day?

oh, yeah. i guess so. would it make you feel any better if i told you that today is henry mancini's birthday? now could we have dinner on the table? yeah. right away. gotta warn you, arch. it's not good to hide your feelings. if something's bothering you, you gotta let it out. i'd like to let you out an upstairs window. [knocking on door] go answer the door. yeah, i'll get it. i'm coming. coming. michael, look what i have. hey, that's the kiss. yeah! don't you just--? isn't it great? michael, please move the elephant. yeah, yeah. sure. where'd that come from? oh, look! rodin's the kiss. don't you just love it? yeah, it's beautiful. where did you get it? don't you really love it? i love it. but where--? michael, why aren't you as excited as i am? i'm excited. i'm excited! look! ha-ha-ha-ha!

i just want to know where it came from. oh, irene lorenzo gave it to me. it's ours! just like that? you know how i always flipped over the statue? yeah. well, i was over there admiring it again and irene lorenzo said, "gee, gloria, if you admire it that much, take it. it's yours." isn't it fabulous? sensational. next time, admire their stereo set. hi, gloria! oh, hi, ma. i'm so happy to see you. ma, look what i got. oh, my! ain't that the same statue as the lorenzos have? yeah, ma, and irene gave it to me. you like it? oh, yeah. you don't see people kissing on statues much. i guess that's because they're always sitting on horses. and speaking of kissing... oh. gee, ma, you're sure happy today.

and it's henry mancini's birthday. huh? you tell her about it, mike. i gotta get the salad. oh, okay. tell me. never mind. it's a long story. just get on the couch. what? just do what i tell you. get on the couch. okay. put your leg over here. oh, i get it. take your left arm, put it around my neck here, like that. yeah. that's it. all right. you ready? yeah. go. mmm! wait a second. there's something missing. something's not right. ah! i got it. they're naked. we gotta take our clothes off. michael! give me a kiss. mmm! after three years of marriage, he's still after her like a hamburger. hi, daddy. wait. wait.

what is this piece of filth here doing on my coffee table? filth? arch, that's a great reproduction. i don't want no reproducting on my coffee table. what is wrong with this statue? it's naked and i hate it. i have never seen anybody get so uptight about the naked body. listen, little girl, there's a time and a place for naked, you know? but this thing here, that can only be a fountain in a men's room. oh, daddy, how can you say that about a statue that expresses pure love? what's pure about two little naked people on a rock? you're always quoting the bible. what about adam and eve? they were naked. they probably sat on lots of rocks. don't talk like an ignorosis, will you? let me tell you something. back in the days when god started making people,

and when he found out, he didn't like what he seen there, and he told people to put clothes on them and never to take them off again in public. edith! you know something, arch? i wish that you had a zipper in the back of your head that i could open up, put my hands in there and massage some sense into your brains. get away from me. who are you to judge what's dirty? even the supreme court copped out on that. they left the interpretation of what's obscene to local standards. and they were right. and this is my house and i'm the local standard. i want that thing the hell outta here. where'd you get it anyway? in some porno shop? no, it is not from a porno shop. it is a gift to me from irene lorenzo and i am not giving it back. oh, irene lorenzo, the queen of the women's lubrication movement. what's she trying to do, wharf your mind,

i am not standing around to hear a tasteless person, even if he is my father, insult a great work of art! i told you i want it outta here. dinner in two minutes! i'm gonna wash up. i'll help you, ma. outta here! i want that statue to stay right where it is. out. do you hear me? i repeat, i want it to stay right where it is. this is my house too, you know, and that means that i have some rights around here. you do know that, don't you? i have rights. i do! for talking to your father like that, you may leave this room. [doorbell rings] that wife of yours has a mouth on her bigger than her whole body. i wonder where she inherited it. do me a favor, will you, and shut up. i haven't said a word yet. well, look who's here. frank lorenzo, the prince of pepperoni. i'm sorry, arch. i can't stay long. i just brought this recipe for edith. yeah, well, she's in the kitchen.

the kiss. we've got a reproduction just like that at our house. no, you got one just like that in our house. what? your wife irene gave that statue to my daughter gloria. my wife irene gave that statue-- gave that statue-- to your daughter gloria? to my daughter gloria. without asking me? she just-- you mean irene didn't ask you? no. that's my favorite statue. that's my kiss. my kiss. i want my kiss. oh. oh, frank, you're gonna get your kiss. i think irene only loaned that statue to gloria. in fact, i think i heard mention made of that. here. why don't you take it? if it's a loan, keep it a while longer if you really like it. i really like it better at your house. okay. give this recipe to edith. yeah, sure. i'll give it to her. yeah. you know, arch, you really surprise me. i didn't think you'd go in for this kind of stuff. oh, sure. i'm a statue fan from way back.

i'll see you, arch. yeah, frank. yeah. archie: and give our thanks to irene for loaning us that statue, huh? frank: okay, archie. yeah. arrivederci. oh, hi. uh, that was frank lorenzo just come and left. i could see that. and you gave him my statue too, didn't you? well, the man came in here and he said that, uh, the statue was only a loan and he wanted it back, so he took it away. that's a lie. oh-ho, well, i don't have to stand here and listen to talk like that. oh, yes, you do. i love that statue and so does michael! it was our first real piece of art. what's going on in here? what's going on in here is your daughter standing here calling her father a liar. gloria, you shouldn't talk to your father that way. yes, i should. he took something that i love.

will you stifle? don't help me explain nothing, huh? i got something to say to you, little girl, so you listen to me. no, you listen to me. no, i will not. i am never gonna listen to you again and you're never gonna have the opportunity to listen to me again either because i am never going to speak to you again, never, ever! glo-- gloria! archie! please don't fight! not on henry mancini's birthday! i'm sorry, ma, but i am not talking to him and i may never talk to him again. what? oh, gloria! no, don't go up to your room! gloria! what's wrong? what's wrong is your wife, my daughter, was standing here, calling me a liar. and your mother-in-law, my wife, was standing here, letting her get away with it. and now, there they are, up the stairs with the two of them.

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hi. what do you mean, "hi"? where you been? it's 6:18. oh, i'm sorry, frank. were you worried? you bet i was worried. my cheese souffl\ has to come out of the oven at 6:21. well, i mentioned that to the bus driver, but he didn't seem very impressed. ha, ha, ha! very funny. what's in the box? it's a present for gloria. from both of us. you gave gloria another present? there you go. you're doing it again. how can you give gloria a gift from us without asking me? me is half of us. i didn't think you'd mind. i mind! well, it's just kind of a peace offering. well, it's not my fault that that house is in uproar. my favorite piece of sculpture, and you give it to gloria without asking me. you never ask me anything. come on, frank! what's the big deal? i know you. if you'd seen gloria's face when she looked at that statue, you'd have given it to her yourself.

but i didn't see her face. you didn't ask me to see her face. but that's not the point. the point is that you never ask me about anything. you give my statue to gloria without asking me, you give her a gift without asking me, you plan a trip for us to cleveland without asking me. well, don't you want to go see your sons? of course i do. okay. when? that's up to you. up to me? you really are something, you know that? how am i supposed to know what things i should ask and what things i shouldn't ask? just ask me. you're crazy, frank. you know that? how does anyone talk to a raving italian? "raving italian." there it is. it all comes out in the open. after all these years. what? oh, they told me. they told me before we got married. they said, "you marry somebody who's irish, "and someday you'll get into an argument with her and she's gonna say, 'aha! wop!'"

i didn't even say "aha!" but you were thinking "aha!" and when you're thinking "aha!" can "wop" be far behind? gloria out there in the living room? no. she's upstairs. good. now get over here, because i got something to show you. got a little present here for gloria. oh! you bought something for gloria? yeah, you know, kind of make it up to her, huh? and because she's so crazy about statues, i got this one here. this is something that she can love and we can all enjoy. see? oh, yeah. that sure is something. ain't that nice? now, look, up here there's a hole, see, where you can put an artificial flower.

look at the detail work on that. see? you can tell right away that that there is a carp. see? and up here, with the birds, if you close your eyes, you can almost hear them singing there while the colored lady plays the ukulele. now, for a person with a dirty mind, you know, you look up around here where the beads are. but on this statue, this has got a clock, see? so that takes the person's mind off these here. puts it down here where it belongs, see? on the time, which you need. now, that's taste. archie, that's so sweet of you. yeah. i know it. let's take it into the living room, huh? all right. where you gonna put it? oh, we'll find someplace for it in here.

what is that? don't show your igigrance. what do you think it is? i don't know, but you better get it lanced before it starts festering. you are a low-quality guy. can't you tell that's a work of art? i bought that in that fancy place, carlson's, over on the boulevard there. that's one of a kind. that's one of a kind? they had a bunch of them in blue. this was the only one in yellow. mike, don't you think it's nice of archie to buy it for gloria? you bought this for gloria? [doorbell rings] that's right, buddy. for my daughter. i can hardly wait for her to see it. i think you can wait, arch. hi! hi! can we come in? how are ya? can we see gloria for a minute? sure. gloria? the lorenzos are here. they wanna see you.

i got something to show you. now. there. feast your eyes on that. archie: now, that's a work of art. now, tell the truth. now, ain't that a lot nicer than that plaster from paris thing you got, huh? with the two nudies groping each other? archie bought it for gloria to cheer her up. well, that should do the job. it certainly put a smile on my face. you trying to give me a shot there, irene? no, archie. it put a smile on my face too. well, why don't you sit down. gloria will be here in a minute. you see, this is archie's way of saying "i'm sorry" to gloria. oh, we feel it was all our fault. yeah. so we brought gloria a little something too. irene, gloria ain't mad at you. [footsteps] oh!

hiya, gloria. i've been waiting here for you because i've got-- hi, mr. and mrs. lorenzo. hi, dear. gloria, look. what is that? it's a statue. a statue of what? a lady playing a ukulele. why does she have a fish on her head? that's a carp. and this here is a clock to take your mind off other things. what's it doing here? gloria, before you say any more, i think your father has something to say to you. no, no, meathead, i got nothing to say. come on, archie. don't be shy. lay off, will you, irene. gloria, your father has a little gift for you. irene, will you lay off, huh? give her the gift, archie. huh? give her the present you bought. oh, yeah. um, it's a... a present for you, gloria. thank you.

well, open it up and let's see what it is. oh, daddy, it's beautiful! daddy...you got this for me? it's so sheer. i mean, you can see right through it. yeah, well, i guess it should have been a thicker color, you know? daddy...you didn't buy this nightgown for me. you bought that statue for me, didn't you? yeah, because, uh, i think a girl ought to be talking to her father. daddy, i can't tell you how much that means to me that you would buy that statue for me. yeah, you like it?

but i love you, daddy. thanks for the nightgown, mrs. lorenzo. i'm gonna go upstairs and try it on now. i think i'll give her a hand. get outta here! and then i'll give her the other hand. get outta here! can you imagine a guy talking that way in front of the neighbors here?

[ ] announcer: all in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience. captioning made possible by u.s. department of education,phillips petroleum,alcoa foundation coca-cola foundation, rockwell international, and sony corporation