that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous mister ed ed: ...spends all money on everything but me. -ed, stop brooding. -well... just because some pretty little filly snubbed you in the park. you can't win them all. i gave her my personality smile and she just laughed at me. well, maybe she goes for those tall, dark horses, huh? she didn't like the way i dress. all right, let's face it. you never were a clothes horse. i got the sloppiest saddle in town. it's so old i'm ashamed to be seen in it. ed, i am gonna buy you a new saddle just because some horse gave you the cold shoulder. they're too expensive. well, you've got money for your wife's ballet lessons. that's right. and when you take up ballet, i'll gladly pay for your lessons, too. (laughing) look, wilbur. it's been years, and it's all beginning to come back to me. that's very good, carol.

now, this means the ballet dancer is happy and excited. ah. you know what this means? this means the husband is hungry and get lunch. oh, honey, can you just wait a little while? our teacher is due over at kay's any minute. you see, i talked her into taking ballet lessons, too. oh, it's the greatest way to exercise. we both wanna lose about 7 or 8 pounds. you keep that up, you'll have the skinniest toes in town. carol, the ballet teacher just arrived. my dying swan is waiting for you. thanks, rog. say, how did you like kay in leotards? she looks like a plucked chicken trying to wriggle off a butcher hook. i'll tell her what you said. -you had your lunch? -no. why? i think you just lost your dinner. well, the way kay cooks, my loss is my stomach's gain. you know, the darndest thing happened to me today. what?

i sold a piece of property to a fellow named barney harris. he manages wrestlers. well, now he tells me he can't make the last payment. but he's made me an offer. what's that? he wants to give me a wrestler. now, what am i going to do with a wrestler? if he can cook, you got a good deal. who is this wrestler, rog? anybody we know? this fella named tiger davis. and according to barney, this kid could be a champ. oh, no kidding. yeah, it might be a good move, you know? these wrestlers make a lot of money. say, then you think i'd better take barney's offer, huh? well, let's not be too hasty, rog. i mean, i happen to know a little bit about this wrestling game. (laughs) i ever tell you that i was once the inter-collegiate wrestling champ? two minutes after you were introduced to me. no, no, no, no. i don't think so. roger addison, wrestling manager. no, no. my friends would think i'm some kind of a nut. why not? i mean, it might be very exciting, colorful. get your name in the paper all the time. be interviewed on television with tiger davis. open up a whole new world for you.

hey, do you wanna buy a half interest in the tiger? no. my friends would think i'm some kind of nut. tell you what i'll do, roger. i'll go and take a look at this wrestler for you and give you my opinion. he's working out at mcleary's gym. we could drive down there right now. -i better go up and get changed. -good. oh, let's just hope that this tiger doesn't turn out to be a pussycat. you both have a perfect driving record. >>perfect. no tickets. no accidents... >>that is until one of you clips a food truck, ruining your perfect record. >>yup... now, you would think your insurance company would cut you some slack, right? >>no. your insurance rates go through the roof. your perfect record doesn't get you anything. >>anything. perfect! for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. and if you do have an accident,

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oh, tiger. tiger. yes, mr. harris.

and said he's coming down to look you over. start warming up with big boy here. mr. harris, can i have a sandwich first? i had such a late lunch. you've already had 12 late lunches today. now, look, tiger. you gotta stay in condition. you eat too much. okay, boys, let's wrestle. barney: come on, big boy. get in there. barney: mix it. move it around. come on. that's it. move it. mr. harris, can i have a corned beef sandwich? -what? -(grunts) unripe... (heaves) and a lot of mustard, huh. there he is, wilbur. that is the tiger. -top or bottom? -bottom. come on, we can beat the traffic home. hey, wait a minute. he's up. roger: that's the way to do it, tiger. ha. somehow, i don't think

-hello, roger. -hello, barney. -nice to see you. -thank you. barney harris, this is wilbur post. and wilbur is my next-door neighbor. -how do you do? -post. -barney is the tiger's manager. -ah. oh, wilbur won the middleweight wrestling title in college. -no kidding. -mmm. eh, they used to call me killer post. (laughs) hey, look. roger: hey. well, wilbur? now, what do you think of my wrestler? you mean, our wrestler, partner? (laughs) i know you changed your mind once you saw him. barney, we've got a deal. good. i'll get the contracts. barney: oh, tiger. tiger! this is mr. addison, your new manager. he's going to take over your contract. hiya, tiger. i'll do my best for you, mr. addison. this is his partner, mr. post.

(screams) get up, wilbur, and stop showing off. all i said was hello. how about that tiger? isn't he great? -ah. -i'll get the contracts. you're my new managers, huh? that's right, my boy. we should be able to go all the way to the top together. the important thing is for you never to be on the bottom. i get it, mr. post. uh, where can i bring my clothes and stuff? what do you mean? well, now that i won't be living with barney, i guess i'll be staying with you. uh, would you excuse us a moment? sure. wilbur, what's the chance of tiger davis staying with you? pretty good. there's not much chance of carol staying with me. rog, you've got a bigger house. i've also got a bigger wife. now, remember, i made you a partner. so did carol. i've been doing business with her a lot longer.

okay. but i got an idea there's gonna be three new faces at the ymca tonight. kay. big daddy is home. no. i've had more experience handling women. -let me carry the ball. -okay, rog. you carry the ball. if you want me, i'll be hiding in the locker room. do we have some exciting news for you girls. wilbur and i have just made a fabulous investment. so, i look like a plucked chicken trying to wriggle of a butcher hook. uh, what was this fabulous investment? well, it may sound like a rather strange business venture, but it can be very profitable. wilbur will tell you all about it. oh, you're very good at carrying the ball, rog. you're not bad at passing the buck, either. wilbur, what have you and roger done? kay: we want the truth. -well... -you're lying.

the whole thing is very simple, as in, roger and i just chipped in, and we bought a wrestler. they bought a wrestler. we should never have taken them off the leash. oh, there's a lot of money in the wrestling game, girls. and oh, you'll like the tiger. you bought a wrestler and a tiger? what is it? a circus act? no, no. that's his name. tiger davis. he's a very promising heavyweight, and rog feels that we'll make a fortune with him. he'll be dropping by any minute now, and we have to decide whose house he's going to stay at. what? i'm not going to have any hairype running loose around my house. well, now, that sort of narrows it down. doesn't it, rog? (doorbell ringing) must be the tiger now. what are we gonna tell him? that we don't have any room for him. i'll tell him myself. hello. i'm tiger davis. you must be mr. addison's daughter.

i'm sorry. why? that's the sweetest thing i've heard in years. won't you come right in, mr. davis? oh, come right in. hello, tiger. hello, mr. post. hi, mr. addison. tiger, i want you to meet mrs. post. this is tiger davis. i remember you, mrs. post. two years ago. the miss universe contest. oh. well, thank you. but that was someone else. well, i better get your room ready. don't bother, sweetie. we have more than enough room here. well, actually, kay. if carol doesn't... you stay out of this, father. well, how about that barn back there? i get up pretty early. i wouldn't wanna bother anybody. yeah, we could fix it up. i'm sure ed wouldn't mind. i get along with everybody.

ed is my horse. (laughs) he doesn't play gin, but i wouldn't let him talk to you in any poker games. (laughs) (laughing) you're so thin to be a wrestler. uh, have you had lunch yet? oh, please don't bother. i don't eat much. oh, no bother at all. you've got to keep your strength up. we've got lots of cold cuts. oh, and i have some potato salad. i'll bring it right over. (laughs) uh, tiger, did you have enough lunch? oh, yeah. your wife and mrs. addison really stuffed me. i couldn't eat another bite. what time's dinner? 6:30. uh, tiger, i think you should be cutting down on those desserts. we've lined up a match for you with the apache kid a week from this thursday. the apache kid? you mean ??? i'll kill him. this is ed, huh? hi, fella.

you, well, like horses, tiger? oh, yeah. this is a great looking fella. oh. you and me is gonna get along just fine. just fine. tiger, are you all right? yeah, i'm fine. i guess i scared him. uh, a little roll work will dry me right off. i'll see you later, mr. post. bye, fella. ed, why did you knock him down? self-defense. he was beating my brains out. who is he? he's a wrestler. tiger davis. mr. addison and i bought his contract. you let him stay here, and i'll buy you that saddle with the winnings from his first match.

chow time. gee, mrs. post. that looks delicious. thank you. are you feeding him again? he just had dinner at the addison's. well, nothing looks worse than a bony, undernourished wrestler. the way you're stuffing the tiger, we're gonna wind up with a hippopotamus. have another stack of pancakes, tiger. oh, boy. gee, mrs. addison. you sure make me feel at home. (laughs) where is the morning paper? i... don't tell me he ate it. he eats more than that elephant you had in there with ed. oh, wait. the better when it comes to... shucks, mr. addison.

i did, but he's never between meals. he's always right after them. we've hired gorilla gomez to work out with you today. now, come on. get with it. where are your trunks? i'm having them let out a little. i knew it, i knew it! well, go put on your robe. i'm having that let out a little, too. tiger, i just bought some fresh donuts from the bakery. gee. thanks, mrs. post. no, you don't. you give me those donuts. they won't hurt me, mr. post. i'm in great shape, honest. no, you are not. now, give me those donuts. let go of those donuts. (screams) here, rog, take them. (screams) now, tiger, you've got a fight next week, and you've got to get into condition. i am in condition. please let me up, mr. post. not until you promise that you will start training.

i am? wilbur, get off. roger, make wilbur let tiger up. wilbur, you let... tiger, i order you to throw that bag of bones off your chest. what's going on here? mrs. addison, help me. if you'll excuse me, i'm going to my room and have a good cry. save me a handkerchief, rog. what happened? oh, i'm afraid the boys were right. he's in no condition to wrestle next week. and it's our fault. i guess i have gained a little weight. and i know just the way he can take it off. the very best way. trainer: and sway. two, three, and jete.

glissade to jete. arabesque. kay. and glissade to jete. arabesque. very good. excellent. and in such a short time, too. i've never seen such natural ability. it's a lot more fun than working out in the gym. and you couldn't ask for nicer sparring partners. (laughs) shall we all assume the first position? ready? and plie. and straight. two, three, and jete. two, three. you were right. the tiger is a pussycat. a fat pussycat. not for long. ask miss canfield. ballet is the quickest way to lose weight. and wrestlers are the quickest way to lose money.

(girls applauding) rog, let's just try to think of this as something we'll look back on someday and laugh about. roger: congratulations. you ladies have just become the proud owners of whatever it is. tiger's match goes on at 8:00. and the services will be at 8:02. don't send flowers. just make a donation to your favorite bakery. uh, how about that new saddle? i told you, ed. tiger wins, i'll buy you one out of my share of the purse tonight. i have a feeling the fillies will still be calling me raggedy ed.

hi. come to see our boy get it? you'll excuse me if i seem a little nervous. this is my first execution. what worries me is, how are the girls gonna carry him home tonight? -it will be pitiful, pitiful. -(man talking on tv) first time tiger hits that floor, there's gonna be a fallout of fat for 30 miles. here he comes. presenter: if we might be a little candid, i would say we should have swan lake being played instead of the accompaniment of the "oops" and cheers of the crowd. the referee is checking him for any apparent, uh, body ointments... oil, we mean. (match bell rings) there's the bell starting the match. now, maybe we can see what tiger davis would do

(spectators cheering) wham! he really hit him that time. every time he hits him, he hurts his hand. and he has rather tender hands. tiger has a remarkable agility. and of course, he's just about as loose as any athlete we've ever seen. there was a very graceful leap. sort of a... arabesque on the bias. the apache kid is one of the toughest guys in the business, but he can't quite figure out young tiger davis. the apache kid got spanked for that.

you know, tiger davis is really a rough, tough little guy, and he has a brand new approach to the game. there's no kidding about that. the apache kid has never seen anything like this before. neither have we, and i'd hazard a guess, neither have you. pirouette scissors by the ankles, and the apache kid almost lost his beard on that little bit. a one, two, three. tiger davis, the winner...

uh, wilbur, we can't miss. we'll take him on a tour of the country. did you see it? -were you watching? -wasn't he wonderful? we didn't miss a step. he was great.

and you girls deserve all the credit. i was just going to say... oh, where is that grand boy? we've got wonderful plans for him. so does mr. lou allen. he's giving the tiger a two-year contract at $1000 a week. we're rich. we're rich! first birthday, i'll buy him a mink 22. wait. this mr. lou allen, what is he? a wrestling promoter? oh, no. he owns a ballet company. ballet company? uh-huh. he thinks the tiger has great talent, and he's going to make him a ballet star. well, we've lost a tiger, rog, but the world has gained a swan. hehehehehehehehehehehello. i'm mister ed. a horse is a horse, of course, of course and no one can talk to a horse, of course