fish don't fry in the kitchen beans don't burn on the grill took a whole lot of tryin' that hill get up just to now we're up in the big leagues gettin' our turn at bat as long as we live it's you and me, baby there ain't nothin' wrong with that we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up

psst! psst! florence. i knew i heard a bug. where's weezy? in the bedroom. i want your help. is this "i'm too lazyto do it" help or "florence johnstonis my last hope" help? if it's hope help, you ain't gettin' helpuntil you help my hope chest. ok. will $50 help? i'd say there's hope.

i've already bought mrs. jefferson a sympathy card. that's nice, florence. i want to putanother diamondin her ring. so? the ring neverleaves her sight. it's hard to partwith something i give. that would explain this headache i've had for seven years. florence. what do you want? get it away from her. get her toastwith lots of butter. yell, "look! a duck!"when she turns to look, slip the ringoff her finger. you spent all morning thinking of that? you havea better plan? ask her for it. just ask her for it,just like that? florence, that'swhat's so cute about you.

life's not that simple-- excuse me. mrs. jefferson, your wedding ring is dirty. i'll clean it for you. thanks, florence. that's verythoughtful of you. see? now you're learnin'. now take it down to tishman's jewelers, then pick it up later. it'll cost youanother $50. another $50? the first $50 wasto get the ring. it's another $50to do your legwork. this is robbery. see, mr. jefferson?that's what's so cuteabout you. you're so innocent,so naive, so dumb.

hello. yes, speaking. what? you're kiddin'! when? how much was taken? just call the police. i'll be right there. george,what happened? my messenger from my brooklyn store got mugged. was anybody hurt? me. they got my whole week's proceeds. i meantyour messenger.is he all right? not unless he put up a fight. oh, sure.what's a human life compared toa whole week's proceeds? you understand. why wasn't it you that got mugged? ed, you ok? yeah, they got mefrom behind. i'm sorry. the money's not important.

thanks. when you feel up to it, fill out this repayment plan. mr. jefferson! officer barrett!how you doin'? fine. how about you? never mind that.what happened? well, so far, the evidence points to one thing. what? all your money is gone. what evidencehave you got? all your money is gone. ed cut through the alley, was struck from behind and robbed of your proceeds. is that right, sir? yeah. what does that mean? all your money is gone. would you quitsayin' that? who took it? we believe some kids are responsible. you let kids take my money? but i gotknocked out!

mr. jefferson-- i've been good to you. when your wife had triplets, i let you go home early. speaking of goin'home early-- again? well, my head hurts. ok, but remember, you've got to pass that nursery school. those kids get pretty mean when they're teething. you're getting hung up on the word "kids." what? we're not dealing with a glee club. your messenger was attacked by a street gang. are you sure? nope, but it sounds good. i'm going out into the alley to investigate. think you'll findanything? nope, but it can't hurt to go through the motions.

you might recovermy money? nope. maybe, if you've got all the serial numbers. give me the serial numbers. huh? i think one billhad a 6 on it. good work, ed. one bill had a 6 on it. well, why don'tyou write it down? "one bill had a 6." got it. ed, try to lock up without gettin' knocked out. find any clues? not yet. why don't youturn this overto the fbi? you ain't detectin'a damned thing!

step by step. now, here's the alley, and here's the street your store is on. i figure the gang waited for your messenger here. and my messengerentered here. now, the gang spotted him and cut him off here. then he triedto escape here. but that was a dead end. they headed him off here. then they triedto run him down here. only to be cut off here. so what doesall that mean? simple. you lose. want to try two out of three? look, barrett, let's stickto solving the crime, ok?

they got your money, didn't they? yeah. i don't think they made a mistake. how long hasthis candy wrapper been here? why don't you let medo the police work? this could be a clue. say, maybe you're right. try this on for size. your messenger was bashedwith a tootsie roll. the fiendscovered their tracks by eating the weapon. so the crime was committed by a tootsie roll lover? they want usto think that. actually, the crimewas perpetrated by kids who likeother candy bars. are you sure?

but i had you going,didn't i? let's look for something that means something. hey, here's a $5 bill. that's probably mine. nope. no 6 on it. finders keepers. i've done all i can. i'll mess aroundin another caseuntil quitting time. you're a comfort. serve and protect. i'm glad i got a good accountant, or my taxes would pay your salary.

me,

louise, aren't you curious? no. if my anniversary present was in the apartment, i'd tear the place apart looking for it. george trusts meand wants it to be a surprise. so you check the closet.i'll check the cupboards. right. right! hey, look at this! do you believe that people used to wear these silly hats? tom, that's my hat. i left it here yesterday.

no, i'd take out avalanche insurance. why didn't you borrowclothes from your store? they stole my key. are you hurt? yeah, my pride. they took my clothes, wallet, watch. crime in this city has gotten out of hand. what's more importantis you're all right. did you seethe muggers? yes. the police said everybody's having trouble with gangs. they're a big problemin this city. how old were they? 13, 14. did they threaten youwith a slinky? it takes a chump to laugh at a man that's been attacked. i'd never do that. besides, these were some tough girls.

helen, did youhear that? george got muggedby girls. it's not a laughing matter, tom. some girl gangs are more vicious than the boys. they're vicious,all right. they exposedgeorge's legsto public view. oh, george, thank god you're safe. i'd rather lose all our money than lose you. speak for yourself, weez. i could have handled those girls. i was pretty vicious in my day. sure, but little girls probably weren't that tough then. i'll make sure this never happens again. oh, you'll show them who wears the pantsaround here.

this reminds me of my gang days. the whole neighborhood knew our gang. everybody heardof the seven dwarfs. oh, by the way, here's mrs. jefferson'swedding ring. ain't that beautiful? i hope i get onesomeday. you'll get married, florence. really? after he divorces his wife. who? frankenstein! how come you wantedall these sandwiches? because that's my master plan. remember i hired that bodyguard named hugo? you meanthe walkingcoke machine? we're going to pay those girls a social call. they'll see hugo and go back to making brownies.

speak of the devil. you should.someday he'll beyour landlord. hugo! food! hi, florence. remember me? i'm not sure. you have a facethat blendsin the crowd. good one! what are we doing tonight? we're scaring some girls. you got me a date? no, hugo, it's not a date. i got ripped off by a girl gang. i don't want to hurt them, just teach them a lesson.

i'm morethe physical type. i always admired youfor your mind. hey, thanks, florence. i like you, too. say, are you married? uh, yes, i am. very, very married. i mean married. too bad. she makesa good sandwich. wait a minute. what? i've been doingsome thinking. you, thinking? well, better late than never. thanks. anyway, last thursdayi was choking this guy, and it occurred to methat i could be doing something morewith my life. i want to goto medical school and be a doctoror something. you? a doctor?

i mean, look. couldn't thesebe the handsof a surgeon? hugo, these hands weren't meant for sewing people together. they were meant for ripping people apart. i do havea flair for it. look, hugo, you were put on this planet to horrify people. that's your gift. take a look. wouldn't you be scared if you saw you comin' down an alley? yeah, if i didn'tknow me so well. now, these girls hang out in this park. i'll get them to chase me into the alley.

i thought they'refollowing you. they are! they chase me into the alley. you jump out and scare them. how? yeah. let's go. i got a busted one. they're comin'! what should i do? pretend they stoleyour lunch. hey, come on. we got you this time.

you figured you had another easy hit. well, my man here, his mother was a human being. his father was an angry rhinoceros. i could call him off if you promise you won't show your faces around here. the little girl's got a knife. my man eats knives for breakfast. right, hugo? hugo! hey, hugo? what do you say we go get ice cream sundaes? are you some kindof wise guy? turn around. what are you doin'? you gotanother watch? no, i don't. let's takehis clothesagain. what's in that pocket?

nice. thanks. that don't belong to me. it belongs to me. that's my wife's. it's for our anniversary. i'm your wife. you can't-- i said i'm your wife. let's get out of here. captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. captions copyright 1982t.a.t. communications company

well we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky we're movin' on up movin' on up to the east side movin' on up